The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 25, Episode 10 - Married to the Blob - full transcript
Comic Book Guy seeks romantic advice from Homer when he falls for a Japanese woman who's interested in manga.
(exclaims anxiously)
(exclaiming)
(school bell ringing)
(Barney belches)
(playing glissandos on harp)
(playing random melody)
(strums strings)
(tires screeching)
D'oh!
(tires screeching)
(grunts)
(cowboy melody plays
on harmonica)
(ethereal chord chimes)
(strumming guitar)
(whale singing)
(eerie melody plays)
(jaunty circus music playing)
(hoarse barking)
(electric guitar
plays surf riff)
(footsteps thudding)
(various melodies and
sounds shifting rapidly)
(melodies and sounds
shifting faster)
(remote shattering)
NARRATOR:
High above Zenith City,
Radioactive Man keeps
a lonely vigil!
RADIOACTIVE MAN:
All seems quiet.
Maybe I'll fly to China
and get some takeout.
(gasps) A sky tweet from
Commissioner Sweeney!
This looks like a job for:
@radioactiveman_01.
(whooshing)
Leaping Leptons!
It's the Fossil Fuel Four!
Old King Coal...
Patroleus Rex...
French Femme Fatale
Charcoal Briquette...
...and the enemy of
drinking water everywhere,
the Fracker.
(grunting with effort)
Stop attacking
the nuclear plant--
this country's
safest energy source!
Studies show,
I'm America's best hope
for energy independence.
(laughs)
Those studies were
industry financed.
You lie!
Holy Hedrons!
I need backup!
Calling Citizen Solar,
and his sidekick Wind Lad.
(French accent): I believe
you will find them
lacking in energy.
It's too cloudy.
People don't like
the noise I make.
Ehhh...
Petroleus Rex,
please remember when
you used to be
Environmental Scientist
Rex Bernstein.
I have become my destiny.
(grunts, groans)
I'll crush you
like a gnat, King Coal.
(shouting in pain)
(grunting with effort)
(shouting)
Half life.
Quar... ter life.
Eighth life.
Gone.
Frack-cellent!
(laughs sinisterly)
They killed off
Radioactive Man?
I did not
see that coming.
Die-carumba!
They'll just reboot
Radioactive Man
in an overpriced
new origin issue
and get clueless
fanboys like you
to line up at midnight
to buy them.
Clueless fanboys
in costume.
(text alert chimes)
MILHOUSE:
Wow!
Midnight.
I won't know which day
to write in my diary.
Homer.
What?
Will you take me
to buy a comic book
Tuesday at midnight?
And miss the back half
of Jimmy Kimmel?
That's when
he experiments, boy.
You never watched
an episode of Jimmy Kimmel
in your life.
Yes, I have.
After the Oscars,
when he forces you.
(Ralph Wiggum singing
random melody)
(door bell dings,
all cheering, clapping)
Quiet. Quiet!
And attention please,
valued customers.
You will each be allowed
to enter the store,
and buy one copy.
Swallow your gum, now.
(all gulp)
MILTON: Oh. Oh.
Mr. Book Guy.
Can I go first?
I was once cast to play
Fallout Boy in a movie.
Tell it to Harlan Ellison.
I think, you
over-privileged kids
with your
electronic tablets
and your
talking phones,
wouldn't know
a good piece of fiction
if your iPod
read it to your ass.
I wish someone would have
come from the future,
and warned me
not to talk to you.
That's my idea!
You're stealing
my idea!
Sorry.
C-B-G.
What's the happs,
my man?
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Milo,
the owner of my main
competitor, Coolsville.
Or should I say,
"Foolsville."
That is some tasty
cashish, my friend.
Indeed.
And how did you
spend your evening?
Um... Let's see.
I wrote a Lost
fan fiction finale
that also answers all the
questions from Twin Peaks.
Reranked all the Doctor Whos by
puffiness of the hair.
Oh, and I also got
married to my actual,
non-imaginary,
comic-tolerating
girlfriend,
Strawberry.
Now when Milo
talks to himself,
it won't seem crazy.
So, Milo talks
to himself.
We will treasure
that information.
Yes... we will.
Now, if you'll
excuse me,
I'm gonna share this
primo origin ish
with my bride.
Even the mintiest comic
is just acidifying pulp,
if you have no one to
read it with, right?
Nerds don't get girls.
These days
they do, man.
Comic-Con is now
eight percent women.
STRAWBERRY:
Burn!
Wrong... Wrong!
Wro-- Where is he?
Come on, buddy,
I gotta get home
and climb into bed
with my loving wife.
Oh, right.
You have
a loving wife.
Oh. Marge and I
get along perfect.
We're like George Burns
and John Denver.
Oh, man!
Carrying these kids
is hard on my back.
Oh...!
Oh, yeah!
And now to Moe's.
Look at him. Look.
He's got
family... friends.
What do I have?
Oof. Jimmy Olsen
vs. Matter Eater Lad.
Hm. This is better than
I remembered, actually.
No...!
No it isn't!
It-It's horrible!
(moans)
The only thing that could make
this moment more cliched,
is if I started to sing
about my feelings.
And... here I go.
(slow, melancholy intro)
♪ I've always been happy
♪ To call myself single
♪ No Mary Jane
♪ Or Lois Lane
♪ With whom I'd co-mingle
♪ You could say that I was
♪ An unstackable Pringle
♪ I've got originals signed
♪ By Siegel and Shuster
♪ But they don't satisfy
♪ In the way
that they used-ter ♪
♪ It really don't matter
if you've got a Cap Anson ♪
♪ If you spend your nights
in your underwear prancin' ♪
♪ With your cardboard stand
♪ Of Scarlett Johansson!
(yelling, grunting)
♪ Guess I've always
been lonely ♪
♪ But I've never revealed it
♪ Dropped my heart into Mylar
♪ And then... (sobs)
♪ Vacuum sealed... it.
(quiet sigh)
Stan Lee!
Or, is it
my imagination?
I'm your
imagination.
The real Stan Lee's
over there.
Excelsior!
But listen,
as comic book
guys go,
you're trim,
friendly, and,
quite a catch.
(laughs)
But now... your
opportunity is knocking.
Huh...?!
Don't let it slip by.
Can you help me?
I can only watch.
I cannot interfere.
New Radioactive
number one, please.
Come on, nudnik.
Ask her out.
You're interfering.
Hey, I'm 90
years old.
I can do
what I want.
Um... Er...
Stammer. Eh...
C-Can I
sign you up
for our frequent
buyer's club?
The Just Us League?
You would be
member number 003.
I-- I am
the first two.
Sure.
I am Kumiko Nakamura
from Osaka.
I am visiting America's
saddest cities,
as research for my
autobiographical manga.
Volume Six, Springfield.
Land of Angry Tears.
That's you.
The man with
sparkling eyes,
and zigzag beard.
You have
seen me before?
Yes.
Through window.
But you
don't see me.
You're either looking
down in disgust,
or up in disdain.
I think you
have great soul.
Would you permit me
to go in the back,
and do a
brief inventory?
(muffled):
She tolerates me!
Ah... Is it too soon
to give you flowers
in a Hulk hand?
It is the
perfect time.
(doorbell rings)
(humming happily)
Hmm?
(yelling):
Bart!
Your comic
vendor's here.
Uh, actually, it is you
that I am here to see.
I, um,
I need your help.
I am getting
ready for a date.
(stammers)
The closest thing
I have to a father
is the Obi-Wan
doll in my store.
And he comes from a race
of celibate knights.
So...
I will help you.
As long as
our bellies
never
touch again
like they are
right now.
BOTH:
Ew!
Oh...!
Why pick me?
Because you are the only
fat man in real life
who ever got
a hot woman.
Hey.
Ooh... (laughs)
Well, come in.
I'll explain
how it all works.
Okay. It helps if
she's got a mother
she's trying
to get back at.
MARGE:
Aw...
No woman will be able
to resist you,
dressed like this.
Now, remember,
don't be the way
you normally are
and sustain that
for the rest of your life.
Kumiko, uh, meet my
dear friends
uh, Homer and
Marge Simpson.
I-In my country,
it is a tradition
to bring a
much older couple
on a first date.
It is not
in any way, weird,
or-or sad.
Does anyone tell you
that you look
like the man
on a box of Mr. Sparkle?
Aka ni taishte burei da!
Yogore o yaburu!
In Japan,
drinking your detergent
is a popular
method of suicide.
(gasps)
Honki da yo?!
Kumiko, for you,
we chose the coolest
restaurant in town.
But the walls
are covered with garbage.
MARGE:
Oh...
Not garbage,
Americana.
Here's some
more Americana,
that bubbled up
in the swamp.
Here you go:
Your All-American
Fifty State Potato
Skin Sampler.
Okay: Wisconsin, cheddar.
Maryland, blue crab.
They're neither
in alphabetical,
nor geographical order.
What-What
madness is this?
Please, sir.
Ask your questions
after all 50 "tates."
I cannot hide
the snide inside.
Oh. I don't mind.
If you think
it's stupid,
say it's stupid.
Really?
In Japan, no one ever
says what they think.
We know our game
shows are degrading
and our baseball
fences are too close.
But no one
says anything.
(gasps)
Attention, restaurateurs!
(diners murmuring)
You should've spent
less on the kitsch,
and more on
the kitch-en.
With this bowl of
Chuck's Cherokee Salsa,
I baptize you
mediocre, at best.
(laughs)
American nerd snark
is the finest
in the world.
Let's go walking
and mocking
in the rain.
I'm in love!
And, yet, still
a little bitter.
It's surprising.
(Japanese pop song
"Ponponpon" playing)
JIM-JAM BONKS: Father,
why-sa you-sa forsake-a me-sa?
♪
(applause)
Marge, Homer, you have
nurtured our love
like Steven Speilberg
nurtured the careers
of Zemeckis and Gale.
(sympathetically):
Oh...
So, we want
you to know,
I have decided
to move in
to the basement
under his store.
At last, we'll be
in the same bed.
Just like
Batman and Robin.
HOMER:
Ohh....
MARGE:
Hmm...
Homer, I want you
to take Kumiko
and Comic Book Guy
a housewarming present,
and maybe
check in on them?
We talked
about this, Marge.
The hammock
is a chore-free zone.
Apparently, including
tying the knots
on the hammock.
And getting the termites
out of the trees.
(squeaking)
Not a word.
(Japanese accent):
Excuse me, sir.
I am looking
for my daughter.
I thought this
was her residence,
but all I see
is a store full of, uh,
non-pornographic manga.
(gasps)
You're Kumiko's father?
Welcome, sensei.
I am not a
Kung fu instructor.
I am a humble
salary man
who could
kick your ass.
Say, has
anyone told you
you look like--
I know. Mr. Sparkle.
I was going to say,
like you're going
to have a stroke.
(laughs)
I get that a lot too.
Now, please,
where is my daughter?
Okay. She moved in
with her boyfriend.
Well, he's not a boy.
He's immature.
But, fat and old.
So, an obese nerd
has stolen my daughter
to live in his basement?
I didn't tell you
about the basement.
It was an
obvious guess!
(bell dings)
(crying)
Daughter!
You are coming
back to Japan!
There are 87
old people
who need you to
take care of them.
No. Please...
Please.
I was becoming
cuddly.
I deleted rants
from my blog.
You can
retrieve rants
if you did not
empty your trash.
Goodbye!
Now I know
I've got a heart...
because
it's breaking.
Wizard of Oz
reference!
Did I do that?
Urkle reference!
(panting)
Help me.
Fire reference!
(panting): I can't stop.
I can't stop.
Homer Simpson,
this was your doing.
And I want you
to fix it.
I have a bad
feeling about this!
Every action movie
ever made reference!
Now!
Yeah, Homer.
We have much
in common.
We both love
our daughters,
and discipline
our sons.
No...
discipline would imply,
I'm trying to
make him better.
So... are you married?
(sighs)
My dear Michiko
has passed away.
But she's always with me.
You promise
double suicide.
You hear what
you want to hear.
Always with me.
Another drink!
Something stronger!
(creaks)
BARTENDER (dramatically):
Snake rice wine.
Now, that's disgusting.
Wine made of rice?
Try some.
Hai.
(hissing)
(Homer slurring drunkenly)
(Mr. Nakamura drunkenly laughs)
(slurring):
Why didn't I stop
with the snake wine?
Why did I drink
the fish wine?
That was
the aquarium.
(quiet, gentle melody plays)
(engine humming)
(tires screeching)
You didn't see nothin'. Scram.
♪
(clanking)
Uh! I am ruined
by whimsy.
MILHOUSE'S VOICE:
The good thing is,
soon I'll be a
beautiful swan.
(cackling)
Aw...
(whimpers)
What's going
on here?
BART & LISA:
We'll explain it.
The rice wine
has penetrated
to the essence
of your souls.
Yeah, listen to my tail.
You're the tail!
No... You're
the tail.
(yelling): Dad!
Bart's feet are on
my half
of the shell!
(screaming):
Why, you slimey little--
Ow!
(both grunting)
(grunting)
Ooh.
Hey, that
actually feels good.
(grunting)
Oh, yeah. More.
A little bit more.
(shouting)
Right there. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's the stuff.
Enough nonsense!
I came here
for my daughter!
♪ I-I am a golden bird
♪ And I love the comic nerd
♪ Of this, I won't be cured
♪ Papa-san, Papa-san.
The monster is me.
Who... 'da thunk it?
(weeping)
(thunder rumbling)
(sighs)
Homer, drinking
that snake wine,
and going to White
Castle afterwards,
really opened my eyes.
Mr. Nakamura,
I have used my
hitherto unmentioned
chemical
engineering degree
to get a real job
at the Springfield
Phosphate Works.
They're giant
polluters.
But... the CEO
is a woman.
It's very vexing.
Now, have I
proven myself
worthy of
your daughter?
(firmly):
No.
Please, take
your time.
You were worthy!
The way you were.
I-- I was?
But I rented
the store.
I eBayed my stool.
Cancel the sale.
But then my
seller rating
will go down...
Stop being nerd!
Yes, Papa-san.
Geekly beloved,
we are
gathered here
in the
eyes of me,
King of the Cameos,
Stan Lee.
To celebrate
the wedding of,
Comic Book Guy,
and Kumiko Nakamura.
Does anyone wish
to offer any thoughts,
on this
blessed occasion?
Yes. (clears throat)
I-I-I would like
to say something.
Um, since I met Kumiko,
strangely,
comic books
no longer seem
so important.
I will also be selling
greeting cards.
And, every day,
I will give
one to Kumiko
in commemoration
of today,
with the
salutation,
"Best... Day... Ever."
Ghost Wife,
are you happy?
Kind of!
(traditional
Japanese music playing)
MILHOUSE: How long am I
gonna stay this way?
As long as we
keep drinkin' this.
(clink)
DOLPH: Give us
your eggs.
I'm a boy.
KEARNEY:
We said eggs.
(all laughing)
Yes!
Shh!
(exclaiming)
(school bell ringing)
(Barney belches)
(playing glissandos on harp)
(playing random melody)
(strums strings)
(tires screeching)
D'oh!
(tires screeching)
(grunts)
(cowboy melody plays
on harmonica)
(ethereal chord chimes)
(strumming guitar)
(whale singing)
(eerie melody plays)
(jaunty circus music playing)
(hoarse barking)
(electric guitar
plays surf riff)
(footsteps thudding)
(various melodies and
sounds shifting rapidly)
(melodies and sounds
shifting faster)
(remote shattering)
NARRATOR:
High above Zenith City,
Radioactive Man keeps
a lonely vigil!
RADIOACTIVE MAN:
All seems quiet.
Maybe I'll fly to China
and get some takeout.
(gasps) A sky tweet from
Commissioner Sweeney!
This looks like a job for:
@radioactiveman_01.
(whooshing)
Leaping Leptons!
It's the Fossil Fuel Four!
Old King Coal...
Patroleus Rex...
French Femme Fatale
Charcoal Briquette...
...and the enemy of
drinking water everywhere,
the Fracker.
(grunting with effort)
Stop attacking
the nuclear plant--
this country's
safest energy source!
Studies show,
I'm America's best hope
for energy independence.
(laughs)
Those studies were
industry financed.
You lie!
Holy Hedrons!
I need backup!
Calling Citizen Solar,
and his sidekick Wind Lad.
(French accent): I believe
you will find them
lacking in energy.
It's too cloudy.
People don't like
the noise I make.
Ehhh...
Petroleus Rex,
please remember when
you used to be
Environmental Scientist
Rex Bernstein.
I have become my destiny.
(grunts, groans)
I'll crush you
like a gnat, King Coal.
(shouting in pain)
(grunting with effort)
(shouting)
Half life.
Quar... ter life.
Eighth life.
Gone.
Frack-cellent!
(laughs sinisterly)
They killed off
Radioactive Man?
I did not
see that coming.
Die-carumba!
They'll just reboot
Radioactive Man
in an overpriced
new origin issue
and get clueless
fanboys like you
to line up at midnight
to buy them.
Clueless fanboys
in costume.
(text alert chimes)
MILHOUSE:
Wow!
Midnight.
I won't know which day
to write in my diary.
Homer.
What?
Will you take me
to buy a comic book
Tuesday at midnight?
And miss the back half
of Jimmy Kimmel?
That's when
he experiments, boy.
You never watched
an episode of Jimmy Kimmel
in your life.
Yes, I have.
After the Oscars,
when he forces you.
(Ralph Wiggum singing
random melody)
(door bell dings,
all cheering, clapping)
Quiet. Quiet!
And attention please,
valued customers.
You will each be allowed
to enter the store,
and buy one copy.
Swallow your gum, now.
(all gulp)
MILTON: Oh. Oh.
Mr. Book Guy.
Can I go first?
I was once cast to play
Fallout Boy in a movie.
Tell it to Harlan Ellison.
I think, you
over-privileged kids
with your
electronic tablets
and your
talking phones,
wouldn't know
a good piece of fiction
if your iPod
read it to your ass.
I wish someone would have
come from the future,
and warned me
not to talk to you.
That's my idea!
You're stealing
my idea!
Sorry.
C-B-G.
What's the happs,
my man?
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Milo,
the owner of my main
competitor, Coolsville.
Or should I say,
"Foolsville."
That is some tasty
cashish, my friend.
Indeed.
And how did you
spend your evening?
Um... Let's see.
I wrote a Lost
fan fiction finale
that also answers all the
questions from Twin Peaks.
Reranked all the Doctor Whos by
puffiness of the hair.
Oh, and I also got
married to my actual,
non-imaginary,
comic-tolerating
girlfriend,
Strawberry.
Now when Milo
talks to himself,
it won't seem crazy.
So, Milo talks
to himself.
We will treasure
that information.
Yes... we will.
Now, if you'll
excuse me,
I'm gonna share this
primo origin ish
with my bride.
Even the mintiest comic
is just acidifying pulp,
if you have no one to
read it with, right?
Nerds don't get girls.
These days
they do, man.
Comic-Con is now
eight percent women.
STRAWBERRY:
Burn!
Wrong... Wrong!
Wro-- Where is he?
Come on, buddy,
I gotta get home
and climb into bed
with my loving wife.
Oh, right.
You have
a loving wife.
Oh. Marge and I
get along perfect.
We're like George Burns
and John Denver.
Oh, man!
Carrying these kids
is hard on my back.
Oh...!
Oh, yeah!
And now to Moe's.
Look at him. Look.
He's got
family... friends.
What do I have?
Oof. Jimmy Olsen
vs. Matter Eater Lad.
Hm. This is better than
I remembered, actually.
No...!
No it isn't!
It-It's horrible!
(moans)
The only thing that could make
this moment more cliched,
is if I started to sing
about my feelings.
And... here I go.
(slow, melancholy intro)
♪ I've always been happy
♪ To call myself single
♪ No Mary Jane
♪ Or Lois Lane
♪ With whom I'd co-mingle
♪ You could say that I was
♪ An unstackable Pringle
♪ I've got originals signed
♪ By Siegel and Shuster
♪ But they don't satisfy
♪ In the way
that they used-ter ♪
♪ It really don't matter
if you've got a Cap Anson ♪
♪ If you spend your nights
in your underwear prancin' ♪
♪ With your cardboard stand
♪ Of Scarlett Johansson!
(yelling, grunting)
♪ Guess I've always
been lonely ♪
♪ But I've never revealed it
♪ Dropped my heart into Mylar
♪ And then... (sobs)
♪ Vacuum sealed... it.
(quiet sigh)
Stan Lee!
Or, is it
my imagination?
I'm your
imagination.
The real Stan Lee's
over there.
Excelsior!
But listen,
as comic book
guys go,
you're trim,
friendly, and,
quite a catch.
(laughs)
But now... your
opportunity is knocking.
Huh...?!
Don't let it slip by.
Can you help me?
I can only watch.
I cannot interfere.
New Radioactive
number one, please.
Come on, nudnik.
Ask her out.
You're interfering.
Hey, I'm 90
years old.
I can do
what I want.
Um... Er...
Stammer. Eh...
C-Can I
sign you up
for our frequent
buyer's club?
The Just Us League?
You would be
member number 003.
I-- I am
the first two.
Sure.
I am Kumiko Nakamura
from Osaka.
I am visiting America's
saddest cities,
as research for my
autobiographical manga.
Volume Six, Springfield.
Land of Angry Tears.
That's you.
The man with
sparkling eyes,
and zigzag beard.
You have
seen me before?
Yes.
Through window.
But you
don't see me.
You're either looking
down in disgust,
or up in disdain.
I think you
have great soul.
Would you permit me
to go in the back,
and do a
brief inventory?
(muffled):
She tolerates me!
Ah... Is it too soon
to give you flowers
in a Hulk hand?
It is the
perfect time.
(doorbell rings)
(humming happily)
Hmm?
(yelling):
Bart!
Your comic
vendor's here.
Uh, actually, it is you
that I am here to see.
I, um,
I need your help.
I am getting
ready for a date.
(stammers)
The closest thing
I have to a father
is the Obi-Wan
doll in my store.
And he comes from a race
of celibate knights.
So...
I will help you.
As long as
our bellies
never
touch again
like they are
right now.
BOTH:
Ew!
Oh...!
Why pick me?
Because you are the only
fat man in real life
who ever got
a hot woman.
Hey.
Ooh... (laughs)
Well, come in.
I'll explain
how it all works.
Okay. It helps if
she's got a mother
she's trying
to get back at.
MARGE:
Aw...
No woman will be able
to resist you,
dressed like this.
Now, remember,
don't be the way
you normally are
and sustain that
for the rest of your life.
Kumiko, uh, meet my
dear friends
uh, Homer and
Marge Simpson.
I-In my country,
it is a tradition
to bring a
much older couple
on a first date.
It is not
in any way, weird,
or-or sad.
Does anyone tell you
that you look
like the man
on a box of Mr. Sparkle?
Aka ni taishte burei da!
Yogore o yaburu!
In Japan,
drinking your detergent
is a popular
method of suicide.
(gasps)
Honki da yo?!
Kumiko, for you,
we chose the coolest
restaurant in town.
But the walls
are covered with garbage.
MARGE:
Oh...
Not garbage,
Americana.
Here's some
more Americana,
that bubbled up
in the swamp.
Here you go:
Your All-American
Fifty State Potato
Skin Sampler.
Okay: Wisconsin, cheddar.
Maryland, blue crab.
They're neither
in alphabetical,
nor geographical order.
What-What
madness is this?
Please, sir.
Ask your questions
after all 50 "tates."
I cannot hide
the snide inside.
Oh. I don't mind.
If you think
it's stupid,
say it's stupid.
Really?
In Japan, no one ever
says what they think.
We know our game
shows are degrading
and our baseball
fences are too close.
But no one
says anything.
(gasps)
Attention, restaurateurs!
(diners murmuring)
You should've spent
less on the kitsch,
and more on
the kitch-en.
With this bowl of
Chuck's Cherokee Salsa,
I baptize you
mediocre, at best.
(laughs)
American nerd snark
is the finest
in the world.
Let's go walking
and mocking
in the rain.
I'm in love!
And, yet, still
a little bitter.
It's surprising.
(Japanese pop song
"Ponponpon" playing)
JIM-JAM BONKS: Father,
why-sa you-sa forsake-a me-sa?
♪
(applause)
Marge, Homer, you have
nurtured our love
like Steven Speilberg
nurtured the careers
of Zemeckis and Gale.
(sympathetically):
Oh...
So, we want
you to know,
I have decided
to move in
to the basement
under his store.
At last, we'll be
in the same bed.
Just like
Batman and Robin.
HOMER:
Ohh....
MARGE:
Hmm...
Homer, I want you
to take Kumiko
and Comic Book Guy
a housewarming present,
and maybe
check in on them?
We talked
about this, Marge.
The hammock
is a chore-free zone.
Apparently, including
tying the knots
on the hammock.
And getting the termites
out of the trees.
(squeaking)
Not a word.
(Japanese accent):
Excuse me, sir.
I am looking
for my daughter.
I thought this
was her residence,
but all I see
is a store full of, uh,
non-pornographic manga.
(gasps)
You're Kumiko's father?
Welcome, sensei.
I am not a
Kung fu instructor.
I am a humble
salary man
who could
kick your ass.
Say, has
anyone told you
you look like--
I know. Mr. Sparkle.
I was going to say,
like you're going
to have a stroke.
(laughs)
I get that a lot too.
Now, please,
where is my daughter?
Okay. She moved in
with her boyfriend.
Well, he's not a boy.
He's immature.
But, fat and old.
So, an obese nerd
has stolen my daughter
to live in his basement?
I didn't tell you
about the basement.
It was an
obvious guess!
(bell dings)
(crying)
Daughter!
You are coming
back to Japan!
There are 87
old people
who need you to
take care of them.
No. Please...
Please.
I was becoming
cuddly.
I deleted rants
from my blog.
You can
retrieve rants
if you did not
empty your trash.
Goodbye!
Now I know
I've got a heart...
because
it's breaking.
Wizard of Oz
reference!
Did I do that?
Urkle reference!
(panting)
Help me.
Fire reference!
(panting): I can't stop.
I can't stop.
Homer Simpson,
this was your doing.
And I want you
to fix it.
I have a bad
feeling about this!
Every action movie
ever made reference!
Now!
Yeah, Homer.
We have much
in common.
We both love
our daughters,
and discipline
our sons.
No...
discipline would imply,
I'm trying to
make him better.
So... are you married?
(sighs)
My dear Michiko
has passed away.
But she's always with me.
You promise
double suicide.
You hear what
you want to hear.
Always with me.
Another drink!
Something stronger!
(creaks)
BARTENDER (dramatically):
Snake rice wine.
Now, that's disgusting.
Wine made of rice?
Try some.
Hai.
(hissing)
(Homer slurring drunkenly)
(Mr. Nakamura drunkenly laughs)
(slurring):
Why didn't I stop
with the snake wine?
Why did I drink
the fish wine?
That was
the aquarium.
(quiet, gentle melody plays)
(engine humming)
(tires screeching)
You didn't see nothin'. Scram.
♪
(clanking)
Uh! I am ruined
by whimsy.
MILHOUSE'S VOICE:
The good thing is,
soon I'll be a
beautiful swan.
(cackling)
Aw...
(whimpers)
What's going
on here?
BART & LISA:
We'll explain it.
The rice wine
has penetrated
to the essence
of your souls.
Yeah, listen to my tail.
You're the tail!
No... You're
the tail.
(yelling): Dad!
Bart's feet are on
my half
of the shell!
(screaming):
Why, you slimey little--
Ow!
(both grunting)
(grunting)
Ooh.
Hey, that
actually feels good.
(grunting)
Oh, yeah. More.
A little bit more.
(shouting)
Right there. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's the stuff.
Enough nonsense!
I came here
for my daughter!
♪ I-I am a golden bird
♪ And I love the comic nerd
♪ Of this, I won't be cured
♪ Papa-san, Papa-san.
The monster is me.
Who... 'da thunk it?
(weeping)
(thunder rumbling)
(sighs)
Homer, drinking
that snake wine,
and going to White
Castle afterwards,
really opened my eyes.
Mr. Nakamura,
I have used my
hitherto unmentioned
chemical
engineering degree
to get a real job
at the Springfield
Phosphate Works.
They're giant
polluters.
But... the CEO
is a woman.
It's very vexing.
Now, have I
proven myself
worthy of
your daughter?
(firmly):
No.
Please, take
your time.
You were worthy!
The way you were.
I-- I was?
But I rented
the store.
I eBayed my stool.
Cancel the sale.
But then my
seller rating
will go down...
Stop being nerd!
Yes, Papa-san.
Geekly beloved,
we are
gathered here
in the
eyes of me,
King of the Cameos,
Stan Lee.
To celebrate
the wedding of,
Comic Book Guy,
and Kumiko Nakamura.
Does anyone wish
to offer any thoughts,
on this
blessed occasion?
Yes. (clears throat)
I-I-I would like
to say something.
Um, since I met Kumiko,
strangely,
comic books
no longer seem
so important.
I will also be selling
greeting cards.
And, every day,
I will give
one to Kumiko
in commemoration
of today,
with the
salutation,
"Best... Day... Ever."
Ghost Wife,
are you happy?
Kind of!
(traditional
Japanese music playing)
MILHOUSE: How long am I
gonna stay this way?
As long as we
keep drinkin' this.
(clink)
DOLPH: Give us
your eggs.
I'm a boy.
KEARNEY:
We said eggs.
(all laughing)
Yes!
Shh!