The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 24, Episode 7 - The Day the Earth Stood Cool - full transcript
Homer befriends a hipster and invites his family to move in next door. However, their friendship soon sours as Springfield is transformed into a haven for "coolness."
♪ The Simpsons 24x07 ♪
The Day the Earth Stood Cool
Original Air Date on December 9, 2012
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
(Bart laughing)
(children cry out in pain)
(children groaning)
Bart, stop it!
You might fall.
Oh, he's such
a cute little rascal.
(thinking) Oh, my God, is
she flirting with me?
I can see where
he gets his good looks.
She is flirting with me!
Okay, Homer, let her down easy.
Don't go breaking any hearts.
What a lucky little boy
to get a trip
to the park with his grandpa.
Grandpa?!
Grandpa?!
(panting loudly)
Oh, my God!
Should I call an ambulance?
Help! An old man is dying!
Oh! This boy's grandfather
is a shriveled-up corncob
begging for death!
I am his father!
I can't believe I allowed
you to hit on me!
(quacking)
Beat it, ducks!
I'm not old enough
to have food for you!
I'm sexy! Young and sexy!
(ducks quacking)
(bird caws)
Old man.
I'm not an old man.
This drawing
doesn't think I'm old.
Don't you, drawing?
(gasps) Those aren't
our regular donuts.
They're huge!
With crazy toppings!
HOMER:
Gummy worms!
Churro chunks!
Russian nesting donut!
I got to eat the rest!
(yelps)
They're gone!
Where did these
Devil Donuts come from?
I don't know.
The guy who gives
the sexual harassment
seminars brought them in.
Actually, Carl, there's no
workplace-appropriate use
for the word "bazooms."
What about "thunderbags"?
Get lost, pervs!
Okay, where did you
get these donuts?!
From a guy with a cart.
It could be anywhere!
CHIEF WIGGUM:
911. What is your emergency?
I'm calling to report
a missing donut cart.
(siren wailing)
I'm not seeing anything.
Can you get any lower?
But, Chief, the power lines!
(whiny): "But, Chief,
the power lines."
Go lower!
HOMER:
Nope. Nope. Nothing.
Nope.
I see...
devil horns...
pitchfork... pointed tail,
hooves are... cloven!
We have logo, people!
We have logo!
Sorry, gents, we're fresh out.
I only make one batch a day.
When they're gone, I'm done.
Oh, no more donuts?!
Make more or I shoot!
(panting):
I'm not bluffing. Come on.
Hmm.
What have I become?
It's not a good feeling
when you're saying,
"what have I become?"
more than once a day.
Mm. Mm-hmm.
Tell you what, I could give you
a sneak preview of a new donut
that's still in the R&D phase.
Oh. Beer keg donut?!
(slurps)
I would be honored to shake
the hand that glazed this.
I'm Terence.
(softly):
Tell me everything about you.
You're from Portland?
I've heard of people
being from there.
No, I haven't.
Yeah, but Portland
just got too played out.
The city used to be real.
Do you know there are
now restaurants there
with two locations?
(chuckles)
Not near my kids.
Wait a minute.
You have kids?
You can't have kids.
Look at you.
You have a fun job,
a skull ring--
and it's not
Halloween--
and your belt is a seat belt!
No one would ever think
you're a lame old man.
Ah, you can't let being
a dad slow you down.
Me and the fam are doing
the whole "urban nomad" thing.
You know, just looking
for an undiscovered city
with affordable houses.
(gasps) Our houses are
the cheapest!
The one next to me's
been on sale forever!
I see them lowering
the price every morning
when I go out to pee.
Please. Please rush into this.
Please rush into this.
What a find!
Underneath all
the ugly renovations
this house has Neutra bones.
In my house,
we found human bones.
Emily and I have always dreamed
of restoring
an architectural masterpiece.
I have a graduate degree
in Mid-Century Kitsch.
Thanks for turning us on
to this place, Homer.
You're a pretty cool guy.
Really? I'm... (gasps) cool?!
Oh, can I man-hug you?
Sure.
(grunts)
I don't know how!
Okay, our first hangout
with the cool new neighbors.
I've already blown
them away--
their words,
I assume--
so don't screw it up!
Oh, relax, kids.
Just be yourselves.
Oh, great, Marge,
now that's in their heads!
Hey, this is my
armadillo, Chewy.
Uh, Mexico Chewy,
not Star Wars Chewie.
Star Wars Chewie is
just a man in a costume,
so he's not scary.
And this is our baby, Corduroy,
(squeals)
and our son, T-Rex.
Yeah, neighbors.
Heh, I get it.
T-Rex?
Even their names are cool.
Uh, this is, um...
Ice Cream, Bungee Jump,
and... Viral Video.
(growls)
- Wow!
- Whoa!
BART:
Cool.
Look at these
obscure card games!
Hey, do you have Uno?
I did, when I was uno.
Check out all these
Sergeant Activity dolls!
No, that's Combat Jack,
the original British doll
that Sergeant
Activity ripped off.
Fine. You have a weird
old version of something.
Let's just watch TV.
Uh, TV?
We don't own a TV.
I didn't know
that was an option.
I think I'm done here.
Lisa, go nuts.
My dad only lets me watch
what's on his queue.
If I don't get
off the Cloud Palace,
I'll never get home
for school tomorrow,
but the Toad Spirit
has Aunt Ginzee!
(gasps)
(humming nervously)
"Scientists prove
cat heaven real,
human heaven not!"
(gasps)
That's so sad!
Those are joke headlines.
It's not a real newspaper,
it's just satire.
Oh... satire!
And these fake movie
reviews are so mean,
it's hilarious!
(laughs)
Oh, those are real.
Great paper.
Maggie's a little hungry.
Oh, you can go
ahead and feed her.
Corduroy could
probably use a snack.
(suckling)
Hmm, that's not applesauce.
Oh, uh, you don't have
to be uncomfortable
around another nursing mom.
Breast-feeding's
just a healthy thing we all do.
It sure is!
There's nothing
more natural than... that.
It's just that
Maggie's already...
milked me today.
(nervous laugh)
Homer, I think we should go.
We're not like these people.
(gasps)
Check out my new look.
Terence shaved my head.
You're all bald!
No, I'm young-person cool bald!
Not old-person sad bald.
I never want
to see these again!
(groans)
Check it out, Flanders!
Us cool dads
are sharing a mono-yard!
Guess I can't be
your best friend anymore.
(chuckles) To be honest, that comes
as a tremendous relief.
Boo-hoo-hoo!
You could cry all night,
it's not gonna win me back!
(gate creaks)
(gasps)
I can finally compost!
(Lisa humming happily)
Maybe we shouldn't rush things
with the new neighbors.
You know, we might not
all be a perfect match.
I have a plan to
deal with that.
Step one: Change everything
about ourselves
until we are
super-cool. The end.
But I always thought
you were cool.
Honey, I'm not cool.
I was never cool.
I didn't go to college.
Every CD I have, I
bought at a car wash.
Black-and-white films
make me angry.
I can't pronounce "artisanal."
I only know David Cross
from the Chipmunks movie.
Not only do I like Van Halen,
but I think they keep
getting better.
Oh...
But if me and my kids do
the same stuff as
Terence and his kids,
I could be a cool dad.
Well, sweetie, if it's
that important to you,
I guess we can try.
Thanks, baby. Here,
have a bracelet
made of a '70s
educational film strip.
Ooh, hygiene!
♪ Yeah, it's a real cool club
♪ And you're not part of it
♪ Yeah, it's a real cool club
♪ And you'll never be
a part of it. ♪
MARGE: Your father took you to a
Korean gangster film festival?
Yeah, it was great!
This one guy was part
of another guy's gang--
I mean, kkangpae--
but then he quit and
joined another kkangpae,
and when the guys in the
first kkangpae found out,
they were so mad they put
his feet in a blender!
Then they cut to a guy eating
noodles, and blood splashed on him!
At the art walk,
we walked into a gallery,
and it was just a guy crying.
That was the art!
(growls)
The kids are a mess!
You brought them
home exhausted and pretentious!
No, we need to take kids
to grown-up stuff.
That's Terence's
parenting style.
Parenting shouldn't
have a style!
Parenting is about bedtimes,
and passwords on computers,
and complicated punishments
you never follow through on!
Are you wearing a wallet chain?
You look like...
a barista!
Well, you won't be
laughing when you see
how many pickpockets
this thing catches.
And what's with the scarf?
It's soaked in neck sweat!
Wearing scarves
in non-scarf weather
is the essence of cool.
The essence!
Ooh.
Aw, man, my goatee
has barely come in!
Why does my hair
only grow in twos?
Oh, I hope T-Rex likes
the present I made him.
Made? Why didn't you
just buy him a toy?
(sighs) Homemade presents
are how cool families
demonstrate how
awesome they are.
If I show up with a toy...
from the store...
like we would give our kids...
then I've failed!
And these skinny jeans will have
flattened my junk for nothing!
(rock playing)
Geez, is this a kid's
birthday party,
or the place a bad guy
kidnaps you to in a movie?
Yeah, this factory
used to make blimp tires.
T-Rex loves decaying
industrial-scapes.
I used to.
Now I'm into
abandoned ethnic union halls.
Come on, dude,
this party rocks!
Love the temporary-
tattoo station!
(chuckles):
Uh, temporary?
I want kitty whiskers!
You got it.
There's got to be a bounce house
around here somewhere.
At least maybe a pinata?
(loud suckling)
Holy areola!
Please, join our milk circle.
I'd love to,
but Maggie's a little shy.
Oh, don't worry--
you can use a nursing apron.
Play along.
Oh, this couldn't
feel more natural.
Glug, glug, glug.
That's a good little mammal.
(all gasp)
A bottle?!
Plastic!
Formula!
That is so wrong.
Fine, I admit it,
you nipple Nazis.
I give my baby formula.
(all gasping)
It's okay. If you don't
want to breast-feed
your baby, we will.
Stay back.
(woman gasp)
You know I'll use this.
Because you saw me using it.
(women whimpering)
Huh, 1950s
Pontiac Accordion Camera.
I could always use
another one of these.
Bowling shoes.
Not vintage, but you know,
in a pinch.
"Dino-Cool"
Oh, I get it-- a T-Rex
for the T-Rex.
How long did it take him
to think of that one?
(boys laughing)
Oh, man.
Hey, my dad worked
really hard to make that.
He took a class
to learn denim painting.
(sighs)
This is so pathetic.
I can't even wear it
ironically ironically.
This guy's going
on my "Poser Tumblr."
(grunting to music)
(boys laughing)
No one bad mouths
my dad except me.
(both grunting)
Hey, dude!
♪
My vinyl. My vinyl!
(boys grunting, Marge gasping)
Your son attacked mine.
You've turned this
former slaughterhouse
into a place of violence.
I thought it made blimp tires.
Yeah, like factories
are never repurposed.
(yells)
It's time for you guys
to leave.
Are we still on
for midnight bike riding?
(whimpers)
(bell rings)
Feeling included
is life's greatest joy.
HOMER:
Oh...
(laughing): Oh, boy,
oh, boy, oh-ho-ho, boy.
Oh-ho-ho, boy, oh, boy.
Have you been
"oh boy" -ing all night?
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, boy.
We had the family version
of a bro-mance going
with our awesome neighbors
and you had to screw it up.
Look, that kid threw your
present in the garbage,
and he called you a poser,
and everyone laughed.
He called me a poser?
Yeah, I was sticking up for you.
You? Sticking up
for your old man?
You've never done that before.
Also, I didn't
want to tell you,
but that wife and her
gang looked down on me
because I don't breast-feed.
What? No one judges
my wife's thunderbags.
Well, maybe I was wrong
about these people.
Whoever thought a cool person
could be a jerk?
(grunts)
They can "goatee" hell.
Humph.
Yeah, that's right.
The friendship
between the Simpsons
and the whatever-your-
last-name-is-es-es is over.
I want my moustache
stencils back.
Fine.
Keep 'em.
But you have to give back...
Lisa?
(laughs, sighs)
Mm-hmm.
FLANDERS:
I just thought
if we got together
we could change
the channel
from "The Feud Network"
to "Comity Central."
Could we at least agree
to both hate Flanders?
I like him--
he talks in rhyme
and owns a whimsical store
in a failing mall.
He's like the dad
in a Wes Anderson movie.
Shut up with your names!
Well, we were just
questioning the parenting
that lead to Bart not using
his words with Tyrannosaurus.
Parenting?
(huffs)
Let me tell you "cool
parents" something.
Parents are supposed to be lame
so their kids have something
to rebel against by becoming
cool just long enough
to get married and have kids
for whom they are lame.
It's nature's way.
When you're old, your tattoos
will be saggy and illegible.
Well, at least I don't put
a corporate chemical cocktail
into my child's body.
See? See what I'm
dealing with here, Ned?
We invited them here
and they repay us
with insults and judgments.
Yes, but there's
two sides to every...
Even Flanders agrees.
This is our neighborhood,
we were here first
so you should leave.
We're not going anywhere.
Our house just got
written up in Dwell.
HOMER:
Oh, no, it's true.
When I humble-brag
about this article,
this towns about to get
as popular as toe sneakers.
The "us" -types are coming.
Oh.
♪
NELSON:
Butts!
♪
Class, say hello to your
new music teachers,
The Decemberists.
(children clapping)
Now, who wants to learn a song
about press-gangs
and infanticide?
(children cheering)
Stupid town.
At least I still got Moe's.
Although probably not seeing
where this is going.
(tires screech)
(gasps)
What happened here?
I don't know--
everything crappy
about this place, they like.
Even the rats.
More manchego, Aziz?
(tires screech)
Oh, Marge, it's bad.
The cool people are everywhere.
Somehow they've even made
the weather rainier.
I brought these people
to Springfield
and now they've taken over.
(bicycle bell ringing)
It's a hellhole.
(robot voice): Disco Stu
has found a new thing.
What happened to our town?
Everybody wears clothes
from the past
and uses computers
from the future.
(phone beeps)
Where can I buy spats?
Apu's House of Spats.
(tapping)
Hey, better not
attack me again.
My mom gave me
a salvaged police whistle.
We had to replace the ball
but everything else is stock.
Ah, relax, I'm over it.
Why aren't you
at the block party?
(scoffs)
Block parties are lame.
Why do you think
everything's lame?
I don't know.
I don't get a lot of sleep.
I was out really late at
an all-ages burlesque show.
Sorry I was mean to your dad.
That's okay--
he is pretty lame.
Hey, want to watch TV?
Real TV?
With commercials?
Terrible commercials.
But I'm supposed
to turn the compost.
Screw that--
it's Krusty time.
♪
Okay, you win.
We don't have to be friends,
but can we live
on the fringes of your world?
Like those eels
that eat whale poop?
(sucks air)
Yeah...
Um, we'll talk about it.
That's how we say no.
(sniffing)
What's that smell?
Unturned compost and...
(sniffing)
Cuban movie posters!
That's our house!
If the flames reach
my donut oil,
the whole
neighborhood will go up.
(grunts) Hmm? Huh?
Damn it. The community garden's
using all the water pressure!
You just had to have
local radishes.
Not now, Emily.
Stop your trendy arguing.
I'm trying to call
the fire department.
Sorry, our old-timey fire bell
spooked the horses
and they ran away.
You're organic,
all-natural lifestyle
has doomed us all!
Then to save us,
we need something
incredibly unnatural!
50 gallons of baby formula
will put out that blaze.
♪
HOMER:
Eh... yoik.
Yoik.
Yoik.
Double yoik.
♪
The net of scarves
and wallet chains is holding!
They're necessary.
They're necessary!
They're finally necessary!
♪
(loud cheers)
I'm sorry we judged you, Marge.
Your formula saved us all.
I guess I do feel a little bad
about not breast-
feeding my kids.
Except Lisa.
I brest-fed Lisa
for nine months.
(knocking)
♪
I did it, I did it,
I man-hugged!
Daddy, Daddy, I want to go
to Krustyburger with Bart
and get a Laffy Meal!
'Cause each Laffy Meal
comes with a different toy!
And I got to collect 'em all!
(slurping, smacking)
Check it out!
The New York Times
travel section
just named Springfield
"America's Coolest City."
See?
(all gasp)
That means Springfield
is played out.
(horse neighs)
Please! Please take me with you!
I am one of you!
I understood
all your references!
No matter where you go,
I will find you!
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
Nuclear energy was a craft
before it was a science.
(chuckles): I mean, what's wrong
with the old ways?
When uranium
came from a stream,
and atoms were split by hand,
then transformed
into the kind of electricity
that illuminated
not just our homes...
but our souls as well.
Who decided that
the electrons we produce
can't stand
for something greater?
Sure, handmade electricity
costs more and powers less,
but maybe that's the point.
(electrical buzz)
The adventure begins.
Shh.
The Day the Earth Stood Cool
Original Air Date on December 9, 2012
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
(Bart laughing)
(children cry out in pain)
(children groaning)
Bart, stop it!
You might fall.
Oh, he's such
a cute little rascal.
(thinking) Oh, my God, is
she flirting with me?
I can see where
he gets his good looks.
She is flirting with me!
Okay, Homer, let her down easy.
Don't go breaking any hearts.
What a lucky little boy
to get a trip
to the park with his grandpa.
Grandpa?!
Grandpa?!
(panting loudly)
Oh, my God!
Should I call an ambulance?
Help! An old man is dying!
Oh! This boy's grandfather
is a shriveled-up corncob
begging for death!
I am his father!
I can't believe I allowed
you to hit on me!
(quacking)
Beat it, ducks!
I'm not old enough
to have food for you!
I'm sexy! Young and sexy!
(ducks quacking)
(bird caws)
Old man.
I'm not an old man.
This drawing
doesn't think I'm old.
Don't you, drawing?
(gasps) Those aren't
our regular donuts.
They're huge!
With crazy toppings!
HOMER:
Gummy worms!
Churro chunks!
Russian nesting donut!
I got to eat the rest!
(yelps)
They're gone!
Where did these
Devil Donuts come from?
I don't know.
The guy who gives
the sexual harassment
seminars brought them in.
Actually, Carl, there's no
workplace-appropriate use
for the word "bazooms."
What about "thunderbags"?
Get lost, pervs!
Okay, where did you
get these donuts?!
From a guy with a cart.
It could be anywhere!
CHIEF WIGGUM:
911. What is your emergency?
I'm calling to report
a missing donut cart.
(siren wailing)
I'm not seeing anything.
Can you get any lower?
But, Chief, the power lines!
(whiny): "But, Chief,
the power lines."
Go lower!
HOMER:
Nope. Nope. Nothing.
Nope.
I see...
devil horns...
pitchfork... pointed tail,
hooves are... cloven!
We have logo, people!
We have logo!
Sorry, gents, we're fresh out.
I only make one batch a day.
When they're gone, I'm done.
Oh, no more donuts?!
Make more or I shoot!
(panting):
I'm not bluffing. Come on.
Hmm.
What have I become?
It's not a good feeling
when you're saying,
"what have I become?"
more than once a day.
Mm. Mm-hmm.
Tell you what, I could give you
a sneak preview of a new donut
that's still in the R&D phase.
Oh. Beer keg donut?!
(slurps)
I would be honored to shake
the hand that glazed this.
I'm Terence.
(softly):
Tell me everything about you.
You're from Portland?
I've heard of people
being from there.
No, I haven't.
Yeah, but Portland
just got too played out.
The city used to be real.
Do you know there are
now restaurants there
with two locations?
(chuckles)
Not near my kids.
Wait a minute.
You have kids?
You can't have kids.
Look at you.
You have a fun job,
a skull ring--
and it's not
Halloween--
and your belt is a seat belt!
No one would ever think
you're a lame old man.
Ah, you can't let being
a dad slow you down.
Me and the fam are doing
the whole "urban nomad" thing.
You know, just looking
for an undiscovered city
with affordable houses.
(gasps) Our houses are
the cheapest!
The one next to me's
been on sale forever!
I see them lowering
the price every morning
when I go out to pee.
Please. Please rush into this.
Please rush into this.
What a find!
Underneath all
the ugly renovations
this house has Neutra bones.
In my house,
we found human bones.
Emily and I have always dreamed
of restoring
an architectural masterpiece.
I have a graduate degree
in Mid-Century Kitsch.
Thanks for turning us on
to this place, Homer.
You're a pretty cool guy.
Really? I'm... (gasps) cool?!
Oh, can I man-hug you?
Sure.
(grunts)
I don't know how!
Okay, our first hangout
with the cool new neighbors.
I've already blown
them away--
their words,
I assume--
so don't screw it up!
Oh, relax, kids.
Just be yourselves.
Oh, great, Marge,
now that's in their heads!
Hey, this is my
armadillo, Chewy.
Uh, Mexico Chewy,
not Star Wars Chewie.
Star Wars Chewie is
just a man in a costume,
so he's not scary.
And this is our baby, Corduroy,
(squeals)
and our son, T-Rex.
Yeah, neighbors.
Heh, I get it.
T-Rex?
Even their names are cool.
Uh, this is, um...
Ice Cream, Bungee Jump,
and... Viral Video.
(growls)
- Wow!
- Whoa!
BART:
Cool.
Look at these
obscure card games!
Hey, do you have Uno?
I did, when I was uno.
Check out all these
Sergeant Activity dolls!
No, that's Combat Jack,
the original British doll
that Sergeant
Activity ripped off.
Fine. You have a weird
old version of something.
Let's just watch TV.
Uh, TV?
We don't own a TV.
I didn't know
that was an option.
I think I'm done here.
Lisa, go nuts.
My dad only lets me watch
what's on his queue.
If I don't get
off the Cloud Palace,
I'll never get home
for school tomorrow,
but the Toad Spirit
has Aunt Ginzee!
(gasps)
(humming nervously)
"Scientists prove
cat heaven real,
human heaven not!"
(gasps)
That's so sad!
Those are joke headlines.
It's not a real newspaper,
it's just satire.
Oh... satire!
And these fake movie
reviews are so mean,
it's hilarious!
(laughs)
Oh, those are real.
Great paper.
Maggie's a little hungry.
Oh, you can go
ahead and feed her.
Corduroy could
probably use a snack.
(suckling)
Hmm, that's not applesauce.
Oh, uh, you don't have
to be uncomfortable
around another nursing mom.
Breast-feeding's
just a healthy thing we all do.
It sure is!
There's nothing
more natural than... that.
It's just that
Maggie's already...
milked me today.
(nervous laugh)
Homer, I think we should go.
We're not like these people.
(gasps)
Check out my new look.
Terence shaved my head.
You're all bald!
No, I'm young-person cool bald!
Not old-person sad bald.
I never want
to see these again!
(groans)
Check it out, Flanders!
Us cool dads
are sharing a mono-yard!
Guess I can't be
your best friend anymore.
(chuckles) To be honest, that comes
as a tremendous relief.
Boo-hoo-hoo!
You could cry all night,
it's not gonna win me back!
(gate creaks)
(gasps)
I can finally compost!
(Lisa humming happily)
Maybe we shouldn't rush things
with the new neighbors.
You know, we might not
all be a perfect match.
I have a plan to
deal with that.
Step one: Change everything
about ourselves
until we are
super-cool. The end.
But I always thought
you were cool.
Honey, I'm not cool.
I was never cool.
I didn't go to college.
Every CD I have, I
bought at a car wash.
Black-and-white films
make me angry.
I can't pronounce "artisanal."
I only know David Cross
from the Chipmunks movie.
Not only do I like Van Halen,
but I think they keep
getting better.
Oh...
But if me and my kids do
the same stuff as
Terence and his kids,
I could be a cool dad.
Well, sweetie, if it's
that important to you,
I guess we can try.
Thanks, baby. Here,
have a bracelet
made of a '70s
educational film strip.
Ooh, hygiene!
♪ Yeah, it's a real cool club
♪ And you're not part of it
♪ Yeah, it's a real cool club
♪ And you'll never be
a part of it. ♪
MARGE: Your father took you to a
Korean gangster film festival?
Yeah, it was great!
This one guy was part
of another guy's gang--
I mean, kkangpae--
but then he quit and
joined another kkangpae,
and when the guys in the
first kkangpae found out,
they were so mad they put
his feet in a blender!
Then they cut to a guy eating
noodles, and blood splashed on him!
At the art walk,
we walked into a gallery,
and it was just a guy crying.
That was the art!
(growls)
The kids are a mess!
You brought them
home exhausted and pretentious!
No, we need to take kids
to grown-up stuff.
That's Terence's
parenting style.
Parenting shouldn't
have a style!
Parenting is about bedtimes,
and passwords on computers,
and complicated punishments
you never follow through on!
Are you wearing a wallet chain?
You look like...
a barista!
Well, you won't be
laughing when you see
how many pickpockets
this thing catches.
And what's with the scarf?
It's soaked in neck sweat!
Wearing scarves
in non-scarf weather
is the essence of cool.
The essence!
Ooh.
Aw, man, my goatee
has barely come in!
Why does my hair
only grow in twos?
Oh, I hope T-Rex likes
the present I made him.
Made? Why didn't you
just buy him a toy?
(sighs) Homemade presents
are how cool families
demonstrate how
awesome they are.
If I show up with a toy...
from the store...
like we would give our kids...
then I've failed!
And these skinny jeans will have
flattened my junk for nothing!
(rock playing)
Geez, is this a kid's
birthday party,
or the place a bad guy
kidnaps you to in a movie?
Yeah, this factory
used to make blimp tires.
T-Rex loves decaying
industrial-scapes.
I used to.
Now I'm into
abandoned ethnic union halls.
Come on, dude,
this party rocks!
Love the temporary-
tattoo station!
(chuckles):
Uh, temporary?
I want kitty whiskers!
You got it.
There's got to be a bounce house
around here somewhere.
At least maybe a pinata?
(loud suckling)
Holy areola!
Please, join our milk circle.
I'd love to,
but Maggie's a little shy.
Oh, don't worry--
you can use a nursing apron.
Play along.
Oh, this couldn't
feel more natural.
Glug, glug, glug.
That's a good little mammal.
(all gasp)
A bottle?!
Plastic!
Formula!
That is so wrong.
Fine, I admit it,
you nipple Nazis.
I give my baby formula.
(all gasping)
It's okay. If you don't
want to breast-feed
your baby, we will.
Stay back.
(woman gasp)
You know I'll use this.
Because you saw me using it.
(women whimpering)
Huh, 1950s
Pontiac Accordion Camera.
I could always use
another one of these.
Bowling shoes.
Not vintage, but you know,
in a pinch.
"Dino-Cool"
Oh, I get it-- a T-Rex
for the T-Rex.
How long did it take him
to think of that one?
(boys laughing)
Oh, man.
Hey, my dad worked
really hard to make that.
He took a class
to learn denim painting.
(sighs)
This is so pathetic.
I can't even wear it
ironically ironically.
This guy's going
on my "Poser Tumblr."
(grunting to music)
(boys laughing)
No one bad mouths
my dad except me.
(both grunting)
Hey, dude!
♪
My vinyl. My vinyl!
(boys grunting, Marge gasping)
Your son attacked mine.
You've turned this
former slaughterhouse
into a place of violence.
I thought it made blimp tires.
Yeah, like factories
are never repurposed.
(yells)
It's time for you guys
to leave.
Are we still on
for midnight bike riding?
(whimpers)
(bell rings)
Feeling included
is life's greatest joy.
HOMER:
Oh...
(laughing): Oh, boy,
oh, boy, oh-ho-ho, boy.
Oh-ho-ho, boy, oh, boy.
Have you been
"oh boy" -ing all night?
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, boy.
We had the family version
of a bro-mance going
with our awesome neighbors
and you had to screw it up.
Look, that kid threw your
present in the garbage,
and he called you a poser,
and everyone laughed.
He called me a poser?
Yeah, I was sticking up for you.
You? Sticking up
for your old man?
You've never done that before.
Also, I didn't
want to tell you,
but that wife and her
gang looked down on me
because I don't breast-feed.
What? No one judges
my wife's thunderbags.
Well, maybe I was wrong
about these people.
Whoever thought a cool person
could be a jerk?
(grunts)
They can "goatee" hell.
Humph.
Yeah, that's right.
The friendship
between the Simpsons
and the whatever-your-
last-name-is-es-es is over.
I want my moustache
stencils back.
Fine.
Keep 'em.
But you have to give back...
Lisa?
(laughs, sighs)
Mm-hmm.
FLANDERS:
I just thought
if we got together
we could change
the channel
from "The Feud Network"
to "Comity Central."
Could we at least agree
to both hate Flanders?
I like him--
he talks in rhyme
and owns a whimsical store
in a failing mall.
He's like the dad
in a Wes Anderson movie.
Shut up with your names!
Well, we were just
questioning the parenting
that lead to Bart not using
his words with Tyrannosaurus.
Parenting?
(huffs)
Let me tell you "cool
parents" something.
Parents are supposed to be lame
so their kids have something
to rebel against by becoming
cool just long enough
to get married and have kids
for whom they are lame.
It's nature's way.
When you're old, your tattoos
will be saggy and illegible.
Well, at least I don't put
a corporate chemical cocktail
into my child's body.
See? See what I'm
dealing with here, Ned?
We invited them here
and they repay us
with insults and judgments.
Yes, but there's
two sides to every...
Even Flanders agrees.
This is our neighborhood,
we were here first
so you should leave.
We're not going anywhere.
Our house just got
written up in Dwell.
HOMER:
Oh, no, it's true.
When I humble-brag
about this article,
this towns about to get
as popular as toe sneakers.
The "us" -types are coming.
Oh.
♪
NELSON:
Butts!
♪
Class, say hello to your
new music teachers,
The Decemberists.
(children clapping)
Now, who wants to learn a song
about press-gangs
and infanticide?
(children cheering)
Stupid town.
At least I still got Moe's.
Although probably not seeing
where this is going.
(tires screech)
(gasps)
What happened here?
I don't know--
everything crappy
about this place, they like.
Even the rats.
More manchego, Aziz?
(tires screech)
Oh, Marge, it's bad.
The cool people are everywhere.
Somehow they've even made
the weather rainier.
I brought these people
to Springfield
and now they've taken over.
(bicycle bell ringing)
It's a hellhole.
(robot voice): Disco Stu
has found a new thing.
What happened to our town?
Everybody wears clothes
from the past
and uses computers
from the future.
(phone beeps)
Where can I buy spats?
Apu's House of Spats.
(tapping)
Hey, better not
attack me again.
My mom gave me
a salvaged police whistle.
We had to replace the ball
but everything else is stock.
Ah, relax, I'm over it.
Why aren't you
at the block party?
(scoffs)
Block parties are lame.
Why do you think
everything's lame?
I don't know.
I don't get a lot of sleep.
I was out really late at
an all-ages burlesque show.
Sorry I was mean to your dad.
That's okay--
he is pretty lame.
Hey, want to watch TV?
Real TV?
With commercials?
Terrible commercials.
But I'm supposed
to turn the compost.
Screw that--
it's Krusty time.
♪
Okay, you win.
We don't have to be friends,
but can we live
on the fringes of your world?
Like those eels
that eat whale poop?
(sucks air)
Yeah...
Um, we'll talk about it.
That's how we say no.
(sniffing)
What's that smell?
Unturned compost and...
(sniffing)
Cuban movie posters!
That's our house!
If the flames reach
my donut oil,
the whole
neighborhood will go up.
(grunts) Hmm? Huh?
Damn it. The community garden's
using all the water pressure!
You just had to have
local radishes.
Not now, Emily.
Stop your trendy arguing.
I'm trying to call
the fire department.
Sorry, our old-timey fire bell
spooked the horses
and they ran away.
You're organic,
all-natural lifestyle
has doomed us all!
Then to save us,
we need something
incredibly unnatural!
50 gallons of baby formula
will put out that blaze.
♪
HOMER:
Eh... yoik.
Yoik.
Yoik.
Double yoik.
♪
The net of scarves
and wallet chains is holding!
They're necessary.
They're necessary!
They're finally necessary!
♪
(loud cheers)
I'm sorry we judged you, Marge.
Your formula saved us all.
I guess I do feel a little bad
about not breast-
feeding my kids.
Except Lisa.
I brest-fed Lisa
for nine months.
(knocking)
♪
I did it, I did it,
I man-hugged!
Daddy, Daddy, I want to go
to Krustyburger with Bart
and get a Laffy Meal!
'Cause each Laffy Meal
comes with a different toy!
And I got to collect 'em all!
(slurping, smacking)
Check it out!
The New York Times
travel section
just named Springfield
"America's Coolest City."
See?
(all gasp)
That means Springfield
is played out.
(horse neighs)
Please! Please take me with you!
I am one of you!
I understood
all your references!
No matter where you go,
I will find you!
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
Nuclear energy was a craft
before it was a science.
(chuckles): I mean, what's wrong
with the old ways?
When uranium
came from a stream,
and atoms were split by hand,
then transformed
into the kind of electricity
that illuminated
not just our homes...
but our souls as well.
Who decided that
the electrons we produce
can't stand
for something greater?
Sure, handmade electricity
costs more and powers less,
but maybe that's the point.
(electrical buzz)
The adventure begins.
Shh.