The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 24, Episode 6 - A Tree Grows in Springfield - full transcript

Homer becomes addicted to his new tablet computer. But when it is destroyed Homer becomes despondent, until he finds and provides hope for Springfield in the most unlikely place.

(exclaiming)

(school bell ringing)

(Barney belches)

(whistle blows)

(yells)

(beeping)

(playing the blues)

(playing the blues)

D'oh!

(tires screeching)

(grunts)



(yelling)

♪ The Simpsons 24x06 ♪
A Tree Grows in Springfield
Original Air Date on November 25, 2012

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

(snoring)

BASEBALL ANNOUNCER:
It's the World Series, two outs,

bottom of the ninth.

Yes, we're at the point where
baseball becomes mildly interesting.

Can Homer Simpson,
fresh off an anxiety dream

about not studying
for a high school test,

come into this dream
and knock one out of the park?

And who'da thunk it?

We're food too!

And apparently I'm married
to a pork chop

and have drumstick children.



How did that happen?

(snoring)

BASEBALL ANNOUNCER: We're back...
(belches)

The pitcher,
Steroid Santa Claus,

kicks and deals.

It's a long fly ball,
going back! Back!

And the ball shatters the sky,

bringing the ocean itself
down into the stadium!

Whoa, Simpson just broke this
dream's reality wide open!

The groundskeepers are
trying to put on the tarp,

but it turned into a manta ray
and stung them all.

Now, we'll be right back
after this word from oxygen,

which Homer desperately
needs to live.

(gurgling)

(coughing, spitting)

MARGE:
Homer! The roof is leaking!

Water's coming in the house,

and we've got carpet mushrooms.

Dad, all the jury summons
you buried in the back yard

are coming back up.

(humming)

While you were out
there daydreaming,

this rain has ruined the house.

(sighs deeply)

Marge, in a crisis like this,

I need time for
quiet contemplation.

What's wrong, Homer?

You got an expression on your
face I ain't never seen before.

Like one of them Charlie Brown
wiggle-frowns.

I'm in an abusive
relationship with life.

It keeps beating
the hell out of me,

and I'm too cowardly
to leave it.

(sighs)

Maybe I could drink myself
to death.

Eh, well, you can't.

Your tolerance is too high.

Man, I've never seen Homer
looking this bad.

You're right.

He needs some
professional help.

♪ Oh yeah...

Ooh, someone is
down in the Duff!

Life is too fragile.

One minute you're lying in
your hammock drinking beer,

the next thing you know you're
sittin' here drinkin' beer.

Homer, your bleak outlook has
sent a smooth, icy chill down...

Ah, screw it. I quit.

Janette, Cheryl,
get your own ride home.

Aw, come on, Chief.
I've had a rotten day.

Can't you help me out?

Sorry, I'm afraid
the most I can do

is pretend to drive you home.

Okay, now hop on my
imaginary motorcycle...

arms around my belly...

(imitates motorcycle revving)

Um, I'm gonna need you
to chip in for gas.

Argh.

This is where
the pretending ends.

Oh...

Now what?

You're coming with us
to the school fundraiser.

Can this day get any worse?

The dog's got the mumps.

Dogs can't get mumps.

Well, then, explain this.

The only thing we know is
it'll cost $800.

Ooh!

(Western music playing)

Willie, I love your chaps.

Me pants are ripped out!

I don't care
for silent auctions.

It just encourages hovering.

Oh...

Mm-hmm...

Oh!

You know you just pushed
it up to list price.

You know that, right?

Edna, I'm not one for costumes,

but I sure do like that
feather in your hair.

I like how you make me feel good
about the littlest things.

It's just you and me tonight,
Buttermilk.

(imitating hoofbeats)

Whoa.

Howdy, pardners,
I'm much obliged to y'all

for comin' out to
the ol' corral here...

Skinner!

People want to get home!
Speak regular.

Fine, we'll start the raffle and
skip the things no one wants,

like art projects
by your children

or a spaghetti dinner
with the Van Houtens.

So let's get right to the item
I'm sure you're waiting for:

The latest Mapple myPad!

(all exclaiming)

I could do my cyber-bullying
on the bus!

Remember when me gettin'
a cell phone was a big deal?

I bought you a ticket
for the myPad raffle, Dad.

Aw, that's Tooth Fairy money
down the drain, sweetie.

I never win anything.

It's always some stupid jerk
you've never heard of.

And the winner is...

Here it comes...

Homer Simpson!

Get him!

I mean, woo-hoo!

(crowd cheering)

I just want to say I was having
the worst day of my life.

Three cheers for Homer,

minus the one
we gave him already.

(crowd cheers twice)

Okay, what else...

Free Tibet! You heard me!

Free him now!

Thank you.

Oh, my luck has changed!

ANNOUNCER: This is Homer Simpson's
13th raffle

and first win.

Apparently,
his luck has changed.

(tinny fanfare plays)

Greetings, I am Steve Mobbs,

welcoming you
from beyond the grave.

I left a half-eaten apple
outside your store...

the greatest tribute of all.

The product you hold is like
a giant expensive smartphone

that can't call anyone--
it's that incredible.

Now press the "submit" icon,

and agree to buy
all our future products.

And we're gonna be making
a lot of stuff.

Submit. Submit.

I don't know, I...

Submit.
I don't want to.

Or you could buy something
from Hewlett-Packard.

I submit! I submit!

Yes.

Yes...

(humming happily)

Ooh, that adult Etch-A-Sketch

certainly has
brightened your mood.

Oh, yeah!

You can look at it this way...

or this way...

whether you want to or not...

and it's got awesome games
like "Tapped Out."

Oh...

"Virtual Stapler!"

Sounds just like a stapler,
and it never runs out...

unless you tell it to.

Here's one that gives you
a cool '70s moustache.

I'm Sonny Bono.

Watch out for that tree!

(giggles)

So, which do you
prefer, m'lady?

Tom Selleck, Rollie Fingers,
or Pringles Man?

I always thought the Pringles
Man had the kindest eyes.

Are you doing an app
behind my back?

Submit... Submit... Sub...

There ya go, Homer.

Boy, you know,
when you're just here alone,

I can really smell ya.

But I'm not alone.

I'm doing some FaceTime
with Lenny.

It's like I'm skydiving
with all my friends!

Let me text Carl.

So, uh, what are you
pullin' the ripcord with?

Uh-oh.

Maybe there's a ripcord app
I can use.

(Homer hums happily)

MARGE:
Homer, pay attention!

Huh? What?

Put that down!

We're being audited.

The old stupid moustache'll
win him over.

I'm really stupid.

Is that the myPad you're
claiming as a business expense?

I'm standing by that.

(groans)

Simpson!

Unhand your Edison slate

and bring your gold-brickery
to a caesura!

Put down your myPad
and get back to work.

Sorry, boss.

Your remonstrances
are a welcome boon

and surely will redouble
my diligence.

- Excellent!
- Awesome!

Woo hoo!
Pip-pip!

Hmm...

Hey, Dad!
Dad, check this out!

Dad, over here!
Dad, a mother giraffe is giving birth!

Dad, look, I'm walking on
the wall around the lion pit.

Dad, the baby giraffe is
taking its first steps.

Dad, I'm walking on my hands,

and the lions think
they're gonna eat me!

Will you kids pipe down?

I'm trying to get
"Churro-Chaser" to tell me

where the freshest churros are.

What country is Mexico in?

Dad, pay attention
to your children.

Ugh, okay.

Aww.

That'll be my screensaver.

(yells)
Just my arm.

(yells)
(chuckles)

Gotcha!

Why, you little...
(screams)

(screaming)

(Tchaikovsky's Pathétique plays)

Homie, you want to read to
Maggie before she goes to sleep?

(scoffs)

A paper-based read-a-majig?

What are we, cavemen?

(imitates caveman grunting)

Sweetie, in the future
all you'll need is this.

Homie... it looks
like you're putting

all your eggs in one basket.

What would you have me do?

One basket for each egg?

Hmm, I guess you're right.

I guess I'll have
to scratch that off

the list of things I say.

Now, Maggie, let's find
a good game for us.

Hmm, "Krusty's Kosher
Karnival..."

"Words with Enemies..."

"Don't Burn the Toast,"

"Lenny Dykstra's
Prison Break..."

ooh, "Pizza Clock!"

Dough, sauce, cheese, topping.

Dough, sauce, cheese, topping.

Dough, sauce, cheese, topping.

Having fun, Maggie?

How long have I been playing?

Dough, sauce, cheese, topping.

So that's how you make a pizza?

Ooh, we really have
been off-a the mark.

Mmm...

(raspy): Dough, sauce,
cheese, topping.

Dough, sauce, cheese, topping.

D'oh!

(thud)
Sauce, cheese, topping.

(groans)

Flushy, go get help.

Homer, you're gonna be fine, but
there's no hope for the myPad.

(sobbing):
It still had 88% of its charge.

This is the part
of the job I hate most.

Talking to crazy people.

(laughs)

(groans)

(grunting)

Which of you is the YouTube

of the kid high
on dentist's gas?

Is it you?

Is it... you?
Is it you?

(moaning)

Oh, Lord, when things looked
darkest, you gave me light,

then you switched it off,
knowing full well

I had declined
thy infernal Mapple Care.

Please grant me the wisdom
to understand

your capricious nasty mind.

And please, please make the next
swing of the yo-yo an up.

Amen.

ALL:
Amen.

(sighs)

Everybody hear that?

Homer, Homer, it's a miracle.

Keep your pants on, Flanders.

(laughs):
Oh, I will.

Till I go to bed and take
them off under the covers.

But come outside
and see the miracle.

Has the myPad risen?

No, it's still
where you buried it.

(Flanders humming)

Here it is, the Holy Ooze.

This is your miracle--
a tree?

Ooh, look at me, I turn sunlight
into complex sugars.

Big whoop.

Look a little closer.

Huh? "Hope."

Is this one
of those coincidences

like Jesus on a tortilla,

or George Washington
on a dollar bill?

Well, I like that its message
is in sap and not in blood.

Like some miracles
I could mention.

(clears throat):
Passover.

Well, this is how God would send
me a message: in my backyard,

hammock-adjacent,
one short word in large print.

What do you think he's trying
to tell me, Flanders?

Well, sir, if you ask me,

somebody up there
is trying to tell you

that whatever flat tires
you've got in your life,

God's there
with his little spare

and it enables you
to drive real slow

till you get
to the next station.

Don't eat the miracle.

Fine, I'll just go eat
the body of God.

That's not crazy.

Ah, looks like you're really

turning something over
in your mind there, Homer.

Moe, I could believe
this was a random occurrence

or I could believe some
higher power reached down

and squeezed the sap
out of that tree.

I'm choosing hope.

Moe, a bottle
of your finest beer.

Here you go.

Duff Adequate.

To hope!

Wow, no one's ever been happy
in this place before.

And when I started it was Moe's
Ice Cream Carnival-- not good.

(organ playing)

Of all the gifts
the Lord gives us,

perhaps the greatest is hope.

Uh, excuse me, Reverend,
but I'm here to talk

about something a little
more important: hope.

But I was just... (sighs)

Oh, fine-- I can get an early
start on mountain biking.

Hope is here, people,
and it's real.

It's not just
inside the house of God,

it's outside the house of me.

So come and see
the sticky brown truth.

(all cheering)

♪ Ooh-ooh, child

♪ Things are gonna be easier

Hope is all around me!
♪ Ooh, child, things'll be brighter ♪

(grunting)
♪ Ooh-ooh, child...

Hmm. As promised, the miracle.

Really? "Other"?

Cletus, what does
that tree say?

Now, now, let's spell it out

like that social worker
taught us to do.

Huckleberry, Overbite,
Picklefoot,

Edumacation.

Oh, it says hope!

Just like in Hope Floats, that
Sandra Bullock movie I wrote.

This is newsman Kent Brockman,

vowing I will debunk
this so-called miracle.

The idiotic things
people believe in.

Now, stay tuned
for your lucky lotto numbers.

It's your turn for sure.

(crowd clamoring)

A hundred dollar bill
for anyone who will give me

the truth behind this
so-called miracle tree.

I'll take your money.
The tree's a fraud.

I just got a hundred.
The tree is real!

What you got
against hope anyway?

I bet something
disillusioned you as a child.

(gasps)

This is junior reporter
Kenny Bockelstein,

investigating the stories
that kids want to know.

(locker opens)

Mr. Mouse, how come
you haven't been

in any funny cartoons
since 1933?

I'm on a break, kid,
and when I'm on a break,

the mouse is dead.

The mouse was a man.
His teeth were yellow.

His breath was rancid.

My innocence was lost
in a plywood castle.

The castle is plywood?!

(groans)

TV ANNOUNCER:
Bumblebee Man is moving

to Channel 6.

Adios, ocho.

You no pay.

Uh-oh, he's got
his own chimp.

(chimp yelling)

Senor Change!

Teeny's a girl?

Oh, wait, he's just a bottom.

This is Kent Brockman
at the site

of the so-called
"Springfield Miracle."

The question is...

Is the hope tree a miracle?

Most decidedly not.

Flying the Channel 6
traffic copter

without official clearance
and below legal levels,

we obtained
the following footage.

As you can see here,
a shadowy figure emerges

from the darkness,
walks up to the tree

in the Simpsons' backyard,

and if we freeze
and zoom in on the image,

We clearly see the figure
holding a syrup bottle

with which he writes
the word "hope."

Supermarket maple syrup.

It was no miraculous tree of God

and there is no hope
on Evergreen Terrace.

Just a run-of-the-mill,
syrup-spraying mystery man.

We can add this
to the list of...

Kent's Closed Cases.

Would you please
get the segment straight?

Just lose the graphic.

(groans)

(groaning)

It was all a hoax.

Let's burn our hats!

ALL (chanting):
Hope is dead! Burn the lies!

Thank God there's no alcohol
in this bar,

or this place
would really go up.

(groans)

(groaning)
Homie?

Aren't you going to come in?

I don't know
what to believe anymore.

Maybe it's time to call Satan.

Is that a 212?

Don't call Satan.

So what if the message
wasn't the miracle.

The answer isn't in syrup
from God or a computer tablet.

The answer is that you hope
you felt was real.

Marge, up till now,

I thought your hair
was just blue cotton candy,

but now I know
it's a solid loaf of brain.

Homie, you have such
a way with foods.

Let's go inside.

Who do you think painted
the word on the tree?

No idea-- the important
thing is that they did.

Guess it must've
been the person

who knew I needed hope
most of all.

♪ You're all

♪ I need to get by
(snoring)

You know, we've got a new
version of that tablet.

But I just got this
three months ago.

Yeah, that's the kind
of thing I do,

and yet I still wound up here,

as your boss.

Can I get Christmas off?

It's my kid's birthday.

No.

♪ When the moon hits your eye

♪ Like a big pizza pie

♪ That's amore ♪

(tires screech)

♪ When the world seems
to shine like ♪

♪ You've had too much wine

♪ That's amore

♪ Bells'll ring, ting-a-ling-a
ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling ♪

♪ And you'll sing "Vita Bella" ♪

♪ Heart's play tippi-tippi-tay,
tippi-tippi-tay like a gay ♪

♪ Tarantella

♪ When the stars
make you drool ♪

♪ Just-a like a pasta fagiole,
that's amore ♪

♪ When you dance down the street
with a cloud at your feet ♪

♪ You're in love

♪ When you walk in a dream

♪ But you know you're not
dreaming, signore ♪

(screams)

♪ 'Scusa me, but you see
back in old Napoli ♪

♪ That's amore ♪

♪ When... ♪

♪ The moon hits your eye ♪

♪ Like a big pizza pie ♪

♪ That's amore ♪
♪ That's amore ♪

♪ When the world seems to shine
like you've had too much wine ♪

♪ That's amore ♪
♪ That's amore ♪

♪ Bells will ring ♪
♪ Ting-a ling-a ling ♪

♪ Ting-a ling-a ling ♪
♪ And you'll sing "Vita Bella" ♪

♪ "Vita Bella," "Vita Bella"
Hearts will play ♪

♪ Tippy-tippy-tay,
tippy-tippy-tay ♪

♪ Like a gay tarantella ♪

♪ Lucky fella, scusa me,
but you'll see... ♪

♪ Back in old Napoli ♪

♪ That's amore. ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

Shh!