The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 24, Episode 18 - Pulpit Friction - full transcript
Springfield gets a bedbug scare, the new assistant pastor at church appoints Homer as a deacon, and Marge loses her wedding dress.
? The Simpsons 24x18 ?
Pulpit Friction
Hey!
D'oh!
Our poor couch.
It sure has taken
a beating over the years.
Might be time to get a new one.
Really? You want
to throw something out
just because
it's a little old?
Hello, everybody.
Rotten, damn, lousy...
Ow!
Are there
any two words
more exciting than
"couch shopping"?
No need. Already went online
and ordered a new couch
just like the old one.
And, you know, Marge,
those salespeople
weren't really
our friends.
But they let me
take fabric samples.
They charged a deposit.
They had to.
It came from
corporate.
That's right, sweetie,
it always comes from corporate.
Hey, this one's going
to Springfield.
Chumps. Don't everyone know
that all New York furniture
is full of bedbugs?
Forget about it!
It's forgot abouten!
Ooh, wow.
Mmm.
New cushion smell.
I'm gonna put all my
stuffed animals on it.
All right, get comfy.
Gentlemen, the fort is complete
and will stand forever.
No way the Nazis
will get in here.
Oh, I thought
we were the Nazis.
The latest New York fashion has
come to Springfield: bedbugs.
Ew, just hearing
about them makes me itch.
Ooh, ooh. Funny how
the brain does that, huh?
It's making me see them.
The brain is so stupid.
Those are bedbugs!
How did we get bedbugs?
Probably one
of Bart's dirty friends.
Boy, why are your
friends so dirty?
Don't know. Why are
your friends such drunks?
Touch?.
I know this seems bad,
but nothing brings out
the best in Springfield
like a crisis.
Bring out your bed!
No!
Hold my hand.
People, there is
no need to worry.
I have developed
the perfect bedbug repellant.
You see, behold the power
of modified bear pheromones.
Marge, Milhouse
was clean as a whistle
till he played
with your boy.
Now, we don't know
it was the Simpsons.
I think the most obvious
culprit is the poorest family.
'Tweren't us.
We don't even have beds.
We sleep in washtubs
and coffins.
Why won't somebody
blame the children?
Well, the good news
is it forced us all to church.
You know, in the
Middle Ages,
people took
refuge in church
to escape the
bubonic plague,
but that made the plague
spread even faster.
Church!
Everyone, please,
calm down.
Reverend Lovejoy is here.
He will give us succor.
The Epistle of Jeremy
is often cited
as the most difficult book
of the Apocrypha.
But to me,
none of the anagignoskomena
are more contemplative
than the book of Tobit.
Mind if I p-p-pray through?
It's the parson.
Are you gonna let
a sunny summer day be ruined
by a few b-b-bugs?
God's soldier in cardigan.
Looks like I picked
a swell day
to return your six iron,
Reverend.
Now, looky here, Tim.
This is a
five-alarm brouhaha.
Now, for chili,
that's just dandy,
but I brought you
a little backup.
I think I'm more than
capable of handling this.
Need I remind you
of the bingo riot last summer?
God called all
their numbers that day.
Please meet your new
associate minister,
the Right Reverend
Elijah Hooper.
He was the number two man
from Shelbyville.
Introduced angle parking.
We got in six more cars.
Folks, isn't he something?
Big hand
for Reverend Lovejoy.
Mm-hmm.
Everyone says great things
about you, Tim,
and I can see why.
The posture,
the haircut, the tiny feet.
It's amazing
they hold you up.
But they do.
They do.
So charming.
It's like he's selling
silver polish at the state fair.
Look, here's
why I'm here.
Church should make you happy,
like a warm mug of soup.
Why does it taste better
from a mug?
I don't know, but it does.
God help me,
I'm paying attention.
Okay, who here
has read Leviticus?
Mmm!
Okay, now, who here
has seen Meet the Parents?
Me! Me, me.
Me, me, me, me.
Hilarious film; showed
a whole new side of De Niro.
At first, he couldn't
stand his son-in-law,
but then they patch things up
in a comical
fashion, remember?
The point is, at
the end of the day,
we love each other.
And that's all
this thing really says.
So, don't waste your whole
Sunday listening to us.
Go home and watch one
of the Die Hard movies on TV.
They're always on,
and they're always good.
And, ladies, drop in
on a neighbor's open house
just to see what they did
with their sun room.
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh.
Now, go on home.
We're here every Sunday,
just like Snoopy in color.
Aw.
Can you believe this guy, Helen?
Hey... Helen?
Tim.
Yes, Helen?
My wedding ring is
creating a glare.
Can you hold it?
This is the worst 17th Sunday
in Ordinary Time ever.
One day out of rehab, and I...
Ooh...
Whoa.
Mmm, debugged
and fresh as a daisy.
Cool.
They give you a bag
of the bedbugs they killed.
Homer's oatmeal,
meet your raisins.
Homer's Pie Man costume,
Lisa's red dress,
Lisa's red dress,
Lisa's red dress,
Sunday Best Bart...
Where is it?
My wedding dress!
Vodka? Is this Krusty's?
A high-voltage monkey prod?
It is Krusty's.
He must have my dress.
Let's go.
What's the hurry?
I don't want a comedian
knowing my dress size.
Wait a minute!
This has oats in it!
Ooh, a nose hair trimmer.
Yeah, I found a wedding
dress in my dry cleaning.
We used it in a sketch.
Where's my
mail-order bride?
Ugh, how long
was he in there?
Don't worry, we cleaned
up the crate real good.
What about my dress?
Oh, gee, I'm afraid
that dress is long gone.
I threw it out the window
during my post-show hissy fit.
Some of us
don't have dressing rooms.
- Wooden!
- Plastic.
Wooden.
Plastic.
Why do we always argue
over coffee stirrers?
You know what's
really stirring?
Live,
local theater.
Yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
before I let a Holy Joe
walk in this bar,
I got to know
which of the two
true faiths you represent.
Well, I represent an easygoing
offshoot of Protestantism.
That is the wrong thing
to say to a snake handler.
Easy, Moe, easy.
Ah, this thing's
just loaded with rock salt.
I use it to keep the raccoons
out of my fridge.
And, of course, to coat the rims
of my margarita glasses.
Uh, Padre, can I
be honest with you?
I've sucked every church
book ribbon there is
hoping to find one
made of cherry.
But there isn't.
And if it's such
a "good book,"
how come there's no
blurbs on the back?
Not even David Sedaris.
And he'll flack anything.
Seriously, "pews"?
Homer, I love
your passion.
It's terrific.
It's really something.
Listen, I'm just thinking.
Would you consider
being my deacon?
Deacon? Is that
like one of those
weird Catholic priest things?
No, not at all.
It's like a sexton or a rector.
Oh, now we're talking.
But why me?
Because, if I can get the man
who sleeps through church
to be my guy,
this town will know
that religion
can be fun.
Well, I'm not one for
taking new jobs on a whim.
But, as we say in the
snow plow business,
I'm your astronaut.
What do you think?
I didn't think
Shotgun Mike's Bridal Store
had a nice dress,
but you found it.
Homer, you're not supposed
to see the dress
before the wedding.
Just looking for the bathroom.
This is not
the bathroom!
Aw, but this paper towel
feels so good.
I'm sorry your
dress is gone, Mom.
Oh, sweetie,
it's not for me.
I wanted you to wear
that dress at your wedding.
Well, then,
you shouldn't feel bad,
because I can't imagine myself
ever getting married.
Homer, your daughter
doesn't want to get married.
That would save us
several hundred bucks.
Tell her she's wrong!
Right. Uh,
I don't understand, Lisa.
We let you get up early
to watch the Royal Wedding.
Hey, I have a
weakness for pomp.
Since when?
So, you see,
what Jesus is saying
really can be explained
by an episode
of Californication.
Oh.
Now Reverend Lovejoy
will lead us in song.
? God lifts you up
where you be... ?
? God lifts you up where...
? God lifts you up...
Um... give me a minute.
Uh, but first, let me introduce
our new deacon... Homer Simpson!
It's an honor, sir.
Homer Simpson a
deacon? But why?
You bring in the lost sheep,
and the others will follow.
Lost sheep. Yes!
Sis boom bah!
I don't think there's a place
for me here anymore.
Heading for the door,
pushing the handle.
Left foot across the threshold.
Now the right.
Walking to car.
Stepped in hole.
Twisted ankle.
Tremendous pain.
Keep it elevated.
Church bulletin?
Church bulletin?
Find out in whose loving memory
this week's service is.
The answer may shock you.
Dad?
You always hated church.
Now, for the record,
I hated the building,
the people in it
and the spirit it represented.
I never hated
the church itself.
And now, finally, I believe
in something bigger than myself.
The only thing bigger than you
is you tomorrow.
Why, you little...
lamb.
Oh. Mustn't...
kill own son.
Only God can do that.
? Day by day
? Oh Dear Lord
? Three things I pray
? To see thee more clearly
? Love thee more dearly
? Follow thee more nearly
? Day by day
? Day by day ?
? Day by day...
Church bulletin?
Church bulletin?
Church...
Someone finally took one.
I'm mentioned in it
'cause I'm sick.
Sorry, Maggie. I just don't
have the touch today.
Mom, I found
your wedding dress.
How?
Using something
this town has never, ever seen...
good, honest police work.
I staked out the alley
and befriended the garbage man
who took it.
Then he gave it
to a local theater company,
who used it in the first
unsuccessful version
of Mamma Mia.
In a bankruptcy sale, it was
bought by a young couple.
That couple
right there.
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
Oh.
Thank you for
finding it, sweetie.
And seeing someone
else get married in it
is better than
having it myself.
You never know, Mom.
I'm only eight.
I might get married someday,
even if it's only
a green card marriage
to keep a Chinese dissident
from being deported.
We can have the
reception at Wong Lee's.
? Day by day, day by day
? The deacon's job
is pretty okay ?
? Pretty okay
? I'm going to be a deacon,
day by day ?
? I'm already a deacon,
day by day... ?
Dad, the Oogle street camera's
driving around town today.
Want to go moon it with me?
Son, I'd love to,
but I'm a deacon now.
My butt's place
is in my pants.
Church songs
with clapping.
I don't think this is what
Martin Presbyluther had in mind
when he founded our religion
by sticking his
Three Suggestions
under the Pope's
windshield wiper.
Mr. Flanders,
this new reverend has thrown tar
in your half-pipe, too?
I don't understand that
on any level, but yes.
Well, let's get Lovejoy back.
Do you know where he is?
He's in a place full of
brimstone and exposed flesh.
You mean he's selling hot tubs?
Yes.
The 7500 is all about
jets, jets, jets.
That's the one place
you cannot cut corners.
That, of course,
and underwater speakers.
That sounds expensive.
I need this, Apu.
Sir, can you please
turn up the bubbles
so we can argue
in private here?
We wouldn't have to do this
if you remembered your Hindi.
Oh, I remember it.
I'm just pretending
I can't understand you.
Reverend, we want you
to come back.
Well, let's face it.
I wasn't cut out
for that job.
Nobody listened.
Look, the boy's not
even listening now.
He's right... these underwater
speakers are amazing.
Reverend, this is just
the kind of tomfoolery
that's been on the
upswing since you left.
Pure, unadulterated
tomfoolery!
We shall take
the 7500.
And not a single
jet more!
Sorry, Ned.
I finally found
my calling.
How are you guys fixed
for decking?
Oh, what a surprise.
A huge new expense
you didn't tell us about.
We've lost him.
Buddy, there's a 50
in my vest pocket.
Will you buy us some beers?
The only cool thing about my dad
was that he hated church.
And now he's turned into
a fat version of Flanders.
No offense.
None taken.
God doesn't need
Twitter to reach people.
He uses leprosy
and plagues.
Hmm. Plagues.
Ew, locusts.
Darkness. Yawn.
Bingo!
Flanders, are you willing
to get Lovejoy back
by hook or by crook?
Neither, and I don't like it
when other people rhyme.
Yes, but
if I do something,
will you look the other way?
Hmm.
I'd like to turn
in this boy
for thinking about doing
something naughty,
and myself
for waiting 30 seconds
before bringing him here.
Whatever.
Take 'em away, boys.
And that's why Flanders
will never, ever be
my partner in crime again.
Thanks for
bailing me out.
Yeah, but don't push it.
There's only so many times
I can tell Nana
it's my birthday.
Now, what's this prank?
First, we got every
dead bedbug in town.
To think those
exterminators were just
going to throw
these beauties away.
Now, to leave a nice, clean
trail of bugs out of the swamp.
The frogs follow, and Hooper's
got a plague he can't handle.
Ugh! One of these bedbugs
is still alive.
Much better.
Ow! He took my contact!
Aah! Now I got two in one eye!
Remember you said,
"When hell freezes over?"
I think this
is close enough.
Huh. I'm in no
position to argue.
Help! Help!
What should we do?
We need guidance.
I have a plan.
Save your civic leaders.
Calm yourselves.
In times like this,
there's one almighty being
we can put our faith in...
Reverend Hooper.
It's okay, everyone.
Who here has seen The Blind Side
with Sandy Bullock?
Remember
when Big Mike was overwhelmed
with scholarship offers?
Well, that's kind of
how we are with these frogs.
To hell with your references.
We're dying here.
I'm more frog than Moe.
Ribbet. Ribbet.
Do something.
Um, video games,
uh, Twitter.
Uh, How to Train Your Dragon.
Fight Club. Aah!
The Lord is my Shepherd;
I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down
in green pastures.
He leadeth me
beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul.
His words have soothed
the amphibious beasts!
His boringness saved us all.
Lovejoy! Lovejoy! Lovejoy!
Where do you think
you're going?
Let us pray.
All right, we collected
all the personal information
from Flanders comma Ned.
Let's move on to
the next house.
Hmm, that's weird.
Four spheres...
two small, two gigantic.
Better zoom in.
Compliments of the deacon.
? Day by day, day by day
? I've got three kids
? And two are okay
? Two are okay
? One of them is the baby
? The smart one is mine maybe
? I hope the boy gets rabies
? Day by day by day
? Day by day
? Oh, I pray
? Day by day by day
? By day.
Shh!
Pulpit Friction
Hey!
D'oh!
Our poor couch.
It sure has taken
a beating over the years.
Might be time to get a new one.
Really? You want
to throw something out
just because
it's a little old?
Hello, everybody.
Rotten, damn, lousy...
Ow!
Are there
any two words
more exciting than
"couch shopping"?
No need. Already went online
and ordered a new couch
just like the old one.
And, you know, Marge,
those salespeople
weren't really
our friends.
But they let me
take fabric samples.
They charged a deposit.
They had to.
It came from
corporate.
That's right, sweetie,
it always comes from corporate.
Hey, this one's going
to Springfield.
Chumps. Don't everyone know
that all New York furniture
is full of bedbugs?
Forget about it!
It's forgot abouten!
Ooh, wow.
Mmm.
New cushion smell.
I'm gonna put all my
stuffed animals on it.
All right, get comfy.
Gentlemen, the fort is complete
and will stand forever.
No way the Nazis
will get in here.
Oh, I thought
we were the Nazis.
The latest New York fashion has
come to Springfield: bedbugs.
Ew, just hearing
about them makes me itch.
Ooh, ooh. Funny how
the brain does that, huh?
It's making me see them.
The brain is so stupid.
Those are bedbugs!
How did we get bedbugs?
Probably one
of Bart's dirty friends.
Boy, why are your
friends so dirty?
Don't know. Why are
your friends such drunks?
Touch?.
I know this seems bad,
but nothing brings out
the best in Springfield
like a crisis.
Bring out your bed!
No!
Hold my hand.
People, there is
no need to worry.
I have developed
the perfect bedbug repellant.
You see, behold the power
of modified bear pheromones.
Marge, Milhouse
was clean as a whistle
till he played
with your boy.
Now, we don't know
it was the Simpsons.
I think the most obvious
culprit is the poorest family.
'Tweren't us.
We don't even have beds.
We sleep in washtubs
and coffins.
Why won't somebody
blame the children?
Well, the good news
is it forced us all to church.
You know, in the
Middle Ages,
people took
refuge in church
to escape the
bubonic plague,
but that made the plague
spread even faster.
Church!
Everyone, please,
calm down.
Reverend Lovejoy is here.
He will give us succor.
The Epistle of Jeremy
is often cited
as the most difficult book
of the Apocrypha.
But to me,
none of the anagignoskomena
are more contemplative
than the book of Tobit.
Mind if I p-p-pray through?
It's the parson.
Are you gonna let
a sunny summer day be ruined
by a few b-b-bugs?
God's soldier in cardigan.
Looks like I picked
a swell day
to return your six iron,
Reverend.
Now, looky here, Tim.
This is a
five-alarm brouhaha.
Now, for chili,
that's just dandy,
but I brought you
a little backup.
I think I'm more than
capable of handling this.
Need I remind you
of the bingo riot last summer?
God called all
their numbers that day.
Please meet your new
associate minister,
the Right Reverend
Elijah Hooper.
He was the number two man
from Shelbyville.
Introduced angle parking.
We got in six more cars.
Folks, isn't he something?
Big hand
for Reverend Lovejoy.
Mm-hmm.
Everyone says great things
about you, Tim,
and I can see why.
The posture,
the haircut, the tiny feet.
It's amazing
they hold you up.
But they do.
They do.
So charming.
It's like he's selling
silver polish at the state fair.
Look, here's
why I'm here.
Church should make you happy,
like a warm mug of soup.
Why does it taste better
from a mug?
I don't know, but it does.
God help me,
I'm paying attention.
Okay, who here
has read Leviticus?
Mmm!
Okay, now, who here
has seen Meet the Parents?
Me! Me, me.
Me, me, me, me.
Hilarious film; showed
a whole new side of De Niro.
At first, he couldn't
stand his son-in-law,
but then they patch things up
in a comical
fashion, remember?
The point is, at
the end of the day,
we love each other.
And that's all
this thing really says.
So, don't waste your whole
Sunday listening to us.
Go home and watch one
of the Die Hard movies on TV.
They're always on,
and they're always good.
And, ladies, drop in
on a neighbor's open house
just to see what they did
with their sun room.
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh.
Now, go on home.
We're here every Sunday,
just like Snoopy in color.
Aw.
Can you believe this guy, Helen?
Hey... Helen?
Tim.
Yes, Helen?
My wedding ring is
creating a glare.
Can you hold it?
This is the worst 17th Sunday
in Ordinary Time ever.
One day out of rehab, and I...
Ooh...
Whoa.
Mmm, debugged
and fresh as a daisy.
Cool.
They give you a bag
of the bedbugs they killed.
Homer's oatmeal,
meet your raisins.
Homer's Pie Man costume,
Lisa's red dress,
Lisa's red dress,
Lisa's red dress,
Sunday Best Bart...
Where is it?
My wedding dress!
Vodka? Is this Krusty's?
A high-voltage monkey prod?
It is Krusty's.
He must have my dress.
Let's go.
What's the hurry?
I don't want a comedian
knowing my dress size.
Wait a minute!
This has oats in it!
Ooh, a nose hair trimmer.
Yeah, I found a wedding
dress in my dry cleaning.
We used it in a sketch.
Where's my
mail-order bride?
Ugh, how long
was he in there?
Don't worry, we cleaned
up the crate real good.
What about my dress?
Oh, gee, I'm afraid
that dress is long gone.
I threw it out the window
during my post-show hissy fit.
Some of us
don't have dressing rooms.
- Wooden!
- Plastic.
Wooden.
Plastic.
Why do we always argue
over coffee stirrers?
You know what's
really stirring?
Live,
local theater.
Yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
before I let a Holy Joe
walk in this bar,
I got to know
which of the two
true faiths you represent.
Well, I represent an easygoing
offshoot of Protestantism.
That is the wrong thing
to say to a snake handler.
Easy, Moe, easy.
Ah, this thing's
just loaded with rock salt.
I use it to keep the raccoons
out of my fridge.
And, of course, to coat the rims
of my margarita glasses.
Uh, Padre, can I
be honest with you?
I've sucked every church
book ribbon there is
hoping to find one
made of cherry.
But there isn't.
And if it's such
a "good book,"
how come there's no
blurbs on the back?
Not even David Sedaris.
And he'll flack anything.
Seriously, "pews"?
Homer, I love
your passion.
It's terrific.
It's really something.
Listen, I'm just thinking.
Would you consider
being my deacon?
Deacon? Is that
like one of those
weird Catholic priest things?
No, not at all.
It's like a sexton or a rector.
Oh, now we're talking.
But why me?
Because, if I can get the man
who sleeps through church
to be my guy,
this town will know
that religion
can be fun.
Well, I'm not one for
taking new jobs on a whim.
But, as we say in the
snow plow business,
I'm your astronaut.
What do you think?
I didn't think
Shotgun Mike's Bridal Store
had a nice dress,
but you found it.
Homer, you're not supposed
to see the dress
before the wedding.
Just looking for the bathroom.
This is not
the bathroom!
Aw, but this paper towel
feels so good.
I'm sorry your
dress is gone, Mom.
Oh, sweetie,
it's not for me.
I wanted you to wear
that dress at your wedding.
Well, then,
you shouldn't feel bad,
because I can't imagine myself
ever getting married.
Homer, your daughter
doesn't want to get married.
That would save us
several hundred bucks.
Tell her she's wrong!
Right. Uh,
I don't understand, Lisa.
We let you get up early
to watch the Royal Wedding.
Hey, I have a
weakness for pomp.
Since when?
So, you see,
what Jesus is saying
really can be explained
by an episode
of Californication.
Oh.
Now Reverend Lovejoy
will lead us in song.
? God lifts you up
where you be... ?
? God lifts you up where...
? God lifts you up...
Um... give me a minute.
Uh, but first, let me introduce
our new deacon... Homer Simpson!
It's an honor, sir.
Homer Simpson a
deacon? But why?
You bring in the lost sheep,
and the others will follow.
Lost sheep. Yes!
Sis boom bah!
I don't think there's a place
for me here anymore.
Heading for the door,
pushing the handle.
Left foot across the threshold.
Now the right.
Walking to car.
Stepped in hole.
Twisted ankle.
Tremendous pain.
Keep it elevated.
Church bulletin?
Church bulletin?
Find out in whose loving memory
this week's service is.
The answer may shock you.
Dad?
You always hated church.
Now, for the record,
I hated the building,
the people in it
and the spirit it represented.
I never hated
the church itself.
And now, finally, I believe
in something bigger than myself.
The only thing bigger than you
is you tomorrow.
Why, you little...
lamb.
Oh. Mustn't...
kill own son.
Only God can do that.
? Day by day
? Oh Dear Lord
? Three things I pray
? To see thee more clearly
? Love thee more dearly
? Follow thee more nearly
? Day by day
? Day by day ?
? Day by day...
Church bulletin?
Church bulletin?
Church...
Someone finally took one.
I'm mentioned in it
'cause I'm sick.
Sorry, Maggie. I just don't
have the touch today.
Mom, I found
your wedding dress.
How?
Using something
this town has never, ever seen...
good, honest police work.
I staked out the alley
and befriended the garbage man
who took it.
Then he gave it
to a local theater company,
who used it in the first
unsuccessful version
of Mamma Mia.
In a bankruptcy sale, it was
bought by a young couple.
That couple
right there.
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
Oh.
Thank you for
finding it, sweetie.
And seeing someone
else get married in it
is better than
having it myself.
You never know, Mom.
I'm only eight.
I might get married someday,
even if it's only
a green card marriage
to keep a Chinese dissident
from being deported.
We can have the
reception at Wong Lee's.
? Day by day, day by day
? The deacon's job
is pretty okay ?
? Pretty okay
? I'm going to be a deacon,
day by day ?
? I'm already a deacon,
day by day... ?
Dad, the Oogle street camera's
driving around town today.
Want to go moon it with me?
Son, I'd love to,
but I'm a deacon now.
My butt's place
is in my pants.
Church songs
with clapping.
I don't think this is what
Martin Presbyluther had in mind
when he founded our religion
by sticking his
Three Suggestions
under the Pope's
windshield wiper.
Mr. Flanders,
this new reverend has thrown tar
in your half-pipe, too?
I don't understand that
on any level, but yes.
Well, let's get Lovejoy back.
Do you know where he is?
He's in a place full of
brimstone and exposed flesh.
You mean he's selling hot tubs?
Yes.
The 7500 is all about
jets, jets, jets.
That's the one place
you cannot cut corners.
That, of course,
and underwater speakers.
That sounds expensive.
I need this, Apu.
Sir, can you please
turn up the bubbles
so we can argue
in private here?
We wouldn't have to do this
if you remembered your Hindi.
Oh, I remember it.
I'm just pretending
I can't understand you.
Reverend, we want you
to come back.
Well, let's face it.
I wasn't cut out
for that job.
Nobody listened.
Look, the boy's not
even listening now.
He's right... these underwater
speakers are amazing.
Reverend, this is just
the kind of tomfoolery
that's been on the
upswing since you left.
Pure, unadulterated
tomfoolery!
We shall take
the 7500.
And not a single
jet more!
Sorry, Ned.
I finally found
my calling.
How are you guys fixed
for decking?
Oh, what a surprise.
A huge new expense
you didn't tell us about.
We've lost him.
Buddy, there's a 50
in my vest pocket.
Will you buy us some beers?
The only cool thing about my dad
was that he hated church.
And now he's turned into
a fat version of Flanders.
No offense.
None taken.
God doesn't need
Twitter to reach people.
He uses leprosy
and plagues.
Hmm. Plagues.
Ew, locusts.
Darkness. Yawn.
Bingo!
Flanders, are you willing
to get Lovejoy back
by hook or by crook?
Neither, and I don't like it
when other people rhyme.
Yes, but
if I do something,
will you look the other way?
Hmm.
I'd like to turn
in this boy
for thinking about doing
something naughty,
and myself
for waiting 30 seconds
before bringing him here.
Whatever.
Take 'em away, boys.
And that's why Flanders
will never, ever be
my partner in crime again.
Thanks for
bailing me out.
Yeah, but don't push it.
There's only so many times
I can tell Nana
it's my birthday.
Now, what's this prank?
First, we got every
dead bedbug in town.
To think those
exterminators were just
going to throw
these beauties away.
Now, to leave a nice, clean
trail of bugs out of the swamp.
The frogs follow, and Hooper's
got a plague he can't handle.
Ugh! One of these bedbugs
is still alive.
Much better.
Ow! He took my contact!
Aah! Now I got two in one eye!
Remember you said,
"When hell freezes over?"
I think this
is close enough.
Huh. I'm in no
position to argue.
Help! Help!
What should we do?
We need guidance.
I have a plan.
Save your civic leaders.
Calm yourselves.
In times like this,
there's one almighty being
we can put our faith in...
Reverend Hooper.
It's okay, everyone.
Who here has seen The Blind Side
with Sandy Bullock?
Remember
when Big Mike was overwhelmed
with scholarship offers?
Well, that's kind of
how we are with these frogs.
To hell with your references.
We're dying here.
I'm more frog than Moe.
Ribbet. Ribbet.
Do something.
Um, video games,
uh, Twitter.
Uh, How to Train Your Dragon.
Fight Club. Aah!
The Lord is my Shepherd;
I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down
in green pastures.
He leadeth me
beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul.
His words have soothed
the amphibious beasts!
His boringness saved us all.
Lovejoy! Lovejoy! Lovejoy!
Where do you think
you're going?
Let us pray.
All right, we collected
all the personal information
from Flanders comma Ned.
Let's move on to
the next house.
Hmm, that's weird.
Four spheres...
two small, two gigantic.
Better zoom in.
Compliments of the deacon.
? Day by day, day by day
? I've got three kids
? And two are okay
? Two are okay
? One of them is the baby
? The smart one is mine maybe
? I hope the boy gets rabies
? Day by day by day
? Day by day
? Oh, I pray
? Day by day by day
? By day.
Shh!