The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 23, Episode 8 - The Ten-Per-Cent Solution - full transcript
Krusty the Clown is stuck in a rut when the television network pulls his show from the air and his talent agency drops him as a client. But when the Simpsons introduce him to seasoned agent...
Ay-yi-yi!
D'oh!
♪ ...Show. ♪
In these
d-d-dark t-times...
Can't get enough
Itchy and Scratchy!
And now it's time for...
another Itchy and Scratchy?
Who's the star of this show,
me or...?!
♪ The Simpsons 23x08 ♪
The Ten-Per-Cent Solution
Original Air Date on December 4, 2011
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
♪ When you were here before ♪
♪ Couldn't look you in the eye ♪
Why is my show all cartoons?!
And all the movies
they're making fun of
are over a year old.
It's like those parodies
were written
when the movies came out, but
it took so long to animate them
that we look dated and hacky.
Why can't we...?!
Kids, that's
enough TV.
Maggie's eye is
starting to wander.
- Mom, what are you doing?!
- What a rip!
No more TV.
We're gonna get some fresh air
and visit the Museum...
of Television.
Why can't we visit
a real museum?
One that doesn't
have the skeletons
of the Three Stooges
in the lobby.
We have to see the Museum of TV
before next Wednesday
when it closes forever.
It's closing?!
But where will people
find clips of old TV shows
if they're not housed
in a giant building?
Where? Where?!
Ay, caramba!
(King of the Hill theme
playing)
Hmm, they're selling off
all the old TV relics.
Whoa!
The gun Sheriff Baby wore!
Hmm.
Bart!
Thank God I had this
in my pocket.
Oh, my pants are
splitting wide open.
And people will see my tattoo
of Donald Duck smoking a doob!
That was for
Marge's eyes only.
Oh, my God!
Fatso Flanagan!
Who's Fatso Flanagan?
Only the funniest
black-and-white man ever.
Isn't that just a rip-off
of The Honeymooners?
Everything's a rip-off
of The Honeymooners.
Margie, you're the greatest.
Oh, Ralph, Fred,
Archie, King of Queens,
I mean Homer.
You'll see, Eunice.
I'm gonna win
the Irish Sweepstakes,
and then I'm buying you
a mink coat.
Are you getting excited?
No.
That's me not holding my breath.
Just you wait, Eunice.
Just you wait.
Ka-chik, kaboom, ka-splatter!
See your grave there?
They were so childless
and miserable.
The size 48s.
That's when he was the funniest.
How would you know?
I was Fatso's agent.
Annie Dubinsky.
If you ever hear a star's name
and wonder, is he dead?
The answer is either
I represent him or yes.
Now, let me ask you something:
is there a place for
an old-fashioned lard-ass
like me on today's television?
Um, would you play a
bloated corpse on CSI?
Would I?!
Wow, that's good
bloat work!
He always comes back
really religious.
You're killing me here
with this Catchy and Patchy.
I'm barely on my own show.
Today's kids are uncomfortable
with a clown
whose every reference they have
to look up on Wikipedia.
Wikipedia, Twitter--
who names these things?
Percy Dovetonsils?
Get it?
Come on, he was on Ernie Kovacs
with a smoking jacket...
Krusty,
we want to make some changes.
What kind of changes?
Krusty, um, this is never easy,
but you're fired.
Oh, that was easy.
Oh, no!
My contract states
there's only one way
you're allowed to fire me!
Yep, everything's
nice and legal!
Could this be
more awkward?
They took my dressing room, my
parking space, even my writer,
so I don't have a
funny third item.
But at least I got you,
my agent and best friend.
Krustila, I'm gonna
drop you as a friend first,
so that when I drop you
as a client,
you'll know it's only business.
But we shared everything!
Boats, girlfriends, condos.
And when I finished, every one
of them was spic and span.
Krusty, I'm gonna prove
that it's over.
What? I'm on
your garage door opener?
It's a smartphone,
you out-of-it hack.
Little help?
This only shuts the door.
So, what was everyone's
favorite moment at the museum?
I liked the
knowledgeable docents.
I liked the early
closing time.
Krusty?
Fate is so cruel.
This morning I was a star,
with a top agent.
Now I'm strung out
in a ball pit!
Go away.
No kid should see
his hero sunk so low.
Well, you're not
exactly my hero.
I see you more as
a cautionary tale.
What?!
I'll show you
who's a cautionary tale.
I'll show everybody!
You're not licked,
Krusty.
People love a comeback.
Look at Robert Downey Jr.,
Mickey Rourke.
I don't know if
I got it in me.
Well, people also
love a quitter--
Sarah Palin, The Beatles...
Eh, it's hopeless
without an agent.
You need an agent?
We met a ten percenter today.
She'll get you meetings
with the eye,
the peacock,
the alphabet web.
You'll have a skein on the sked
before you can say
"Krusty's wardrobe furnished by
Ha-Has of Beverly Hills."
A new agent?!
I better freshen up.
Also better get back on
those anti-psychotic meds.
Oh, this is a bad sign.
I've been to classier
gas stations.
I know that laugh!
It's the laugh of
the most ungrateful,
credit-grabbing,
other-people's-room-service-
eating man that I ever met.
I will never forgive you
for what you did to me.
Krusty, you know her?
Ms. Dubinsky,
can you please just tell us
why you hate Krusty?
Come on in.
It's a long story.
Oh, now
I hate him, too.
It was the mid '60s.
I was a virgin agent,
looking for a first client
or a fourth husband.
And then I saw him.
Hey-hey.
Scary world.
They start with the A-bomb,
then skip right to the H-bomb.
These geniuses can
blow up the planet,
but they don't know
the alphabet.
I knew he could be big.
He just needed
some savvy fingers
to mold his clay into an Ali.
Herschel, you killed
them tonight!
There wasn't a
dry turtleneck in the house.
But mark my words:
the bohemian crowd
is small potatoes.
You're gonna have to
broaden your act
if you want to play in Peoria.
I don't want
to play in Peoria.
They're always doing
construction on Highway 74.
I mean, if you want to hit it
big, you got to lose this...
stick this on...
and make your comedy
a touch more physical.
How do I do that?
Like so.
Wow.
This is the best kind of
comedy of all: cheap!
Herschel, you are gonna get
everything you want:
money and women...
There's only one
thing I want:
ice for my ding-dong!
And you.
Every night, he had them
rolling in the aisles,
followed by a roll
in the hey-hey with me.
This is the part where I get
the kids out of the room.
Oh, grow up.
Today's kids are less sensitive
than an army condom.
They see more on TV than my
mother did on her wedding night.
And they don't complain about it
for the next 50 years.
I got big plans
for us, Krusty.
This is just
the beginning.
Actually, sweetheart,
it's the end.
I'm leaving you for Ron
Rabinowitz at United Parasites.
You waited until now
to tell me that?!
I can only tell the truth
right after sex.
But all during sex
I was thinking it.
Get out!
You ungrateful pig!
I made you!
Deep down, I'm doing this
to get back at my father.
Don't blame
this on me.
Your childhood
was heaven.
I was so mad at him
I didn't have sex with a clown
for five months.
What about mimes?
Come on.
I'm not made of stone.
Annie, would you ever consider
taking Krusty back as a client?
No! Absolutely not!
Trust with me is
like a candle.
When you blow it out,
it's gone for good.
What about a comedy candle?
You know, that relights itself?
I don't find those funny,
just frustrating.
They're pretty funny.
Once, I used one on Milhouse.
He was wishing for his parents
to get back together,
but the flame never went out.
Good one, boy.
Annie, I'm down on
my rebuilt knee.
Can't you forgive me?
Please?
For the sake of me
getting what I want?
Fine.
But no nonsense.
Except, of course,
during working hours,
then it's all nonsense.
Great. So we're booked
for three weeks in June
at the Springfield Playhouse.
I promise you Krusty will show
up on time or sober.
Yeah, that's right, I said "or."
Let me get this straight:
you want me
to do my kids' show for adults?
They're gonna want F-bombs and
all I can give 'em is
"ca-ca" and "ta-tas."
Krusty, there is nothing people
love more than the things
they loved when they were kids.
So you re-create
your show for adults!
It worked like magic
for Pee-Wee Herman
after his setback.
What did he get in trouble for?
That's all?!
I did that while
you were on the phone!
You know, I'm
a little nervous
about doing
live theater again.
Come on. Didn't you do
your TV show in front
of an audience
for years?
Yeah, but they were kids and we
gave 'em candy if they laughed.
And if they didn't,
until the '70s,
I hit 'em with a stick.
Some jerk tracked down the kids
and made a documentary.
It's called Circus of Shame
or something.
And now, let's welcome a man
the Spanish call "Señor No-Fun":
Krusty the Clown!
Hey-hey, kids!
Hey-hey, Krusty!
Who here likes nostalgia?
Everything's perfect
about the past
except how it led
to the present.
Then welcome back the original
Tick-Tock the Clock!
Would that I could
turn back time
and never play this
career-killing role.
Ooh, looks like Tick-Tock is
telling us it's time for...
What's In Krusty's Pocket?!
Mmm. Ah!
I've pulled out everything
but my Little Krusty.
Aw, what the heck?
Oh, that was great, man!
I feel like I'm
ten again!
Everything I loved
as a kid
and hated as a teenager
I love as an adult!
No one knows better
than me
that it's "Here today,
gone tomorrow."
But I'm here today!
Thanks to you, honey!
Mmm... mwa!
Uh, um, sorry...
This one, I think,
is mine.
Yeah, I'll take that...
I'll, give me
that one.
Well, that looks
better on you, honey.
Yeah.
No, no, no, it screams you.
Let's just keep smooching
till everything sorts
itself out.
Mmm... I'm done.
Krusty, you're getting
the best reviews of your career!
Yep! I'm back on top!
And this time I'm not blowing it
on cocaine for my horses.
They start well, then they get
paranoid around the third turn.
And you'll have plenty
to invest.
The networks have
come crawling.
Which ones? Telebozo?
Shtick at Nite? E.S.P.U.?
Better, baby.
Our premium cable network is
a little different
from what you're used to.
Our brand is classy
and upscale.
And we pay for everything
with soft porno and boxing.
Wait a minute.
There's soft porno?
And here you don't have
to worry about budgets,
and the critics are
in our pocket.
en the Boston Phoenix?
If not, we'll burn it
to the ground!
And that will be the end
of that phoenix.
All good. I just have one
non-negotiable demand:
This brass begonia here is
my producer now
until the end of time.
Really?
Yep.
And you know
that anything said
at a network pitch meeting
can be taken to the bank.
♪ ♪
Krusty, my man,
you finally hit it big.
You said it!
The Entourage actors are
now my interns!
I got your coffees,
Mr. K.!
Too hot!
Too cold!
Genius!
No, no, no!
What, are you crazy?!
You can't put
a green wall behind
a clown with green hair!
Beloved entertainer...
sad old man!
Beloved entertainer...
sad old man!
He ain't changing, so everything
else in the world has to!
Annie, it's your
first day on the set.
Scream something nice.
Krusty, I am here to serve
you and no one else.
"Nice" gets booked
at birthday parties!
Hey, birthday parties got me
through some tough times.
For years I lived on
piñata candy!
Yeah? Well, from now on
the only birthday parties
you are gonna do are
for the insane sons
of rich Middle Eastern
dictators.
Your going rate is 100
barrels of oil.
Whoa, that's Beyoncé volume.
Wait one hairy, banana-peeling,
scene-stealing minute here!
Wha...?
What'd I do?
Whose show is this?
Huh? Huh?!
Whose name is on
that sign?!
Yeah, that's right,
little buddy boy!
Krusty! Krusty!
And don't you ever
upstage him
or craft service will be
serving chimp tacos!
Yeah, I'd like to squeeze
a lime on that!
Now apologize to Krusty!
Not so hard.
She'll know
we have a past.
What's going on,
yanking me out of my schvitz?!
I look like an unwrapped mummy.
Ooh! Idea for sketch:
rapping mummy.
Notorious T-U-T.
It writes itself.
Find someone to write it.
Where's Annie?
Annie is what we need
to discuss.
She's out of control.
She called a network
vice president "unhip."
And he reads GQ
and he's straight.
And recently
we had this incident.
Wait!
What are you doing?!
She claimed this intern
sharpened her pencil
"too pointy."
Oh, I see what's
going on here:
if a woman does it,
she's a bitch.
But in a man, those traits would
be considered...
Uh-oh!
That hallway looks
familiar.
I'm only getting
college credit for this!
My legs!
Wow, I can't believe
we're in the audience
of a pay-cable show!
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Krusty's favorite part
of the taping: talking to the
audience before the show.
Hey-how-are-ya-don't-talk-to-me
-the-show's-starting.
And now... the clown
that never lets you down...
Krusty the... Clown!
Hey, hey, premium cable
subscribers!
Tonight we've got the cast of
the hit Boardwalk Vampire!
We've also got Janeane Garofolo.
Wait a minute!
We have very specific
language in our contract
saying "No guests who are
funnier than Krusty."
Janeane has promised to be
strictly angry and polemical.
And I'll keep my promise,
like Obama did with Guantanamo.
Oh! That's funnier
than I can ever hope to be!
Sorry, Janeane.
Grab some shrimp and go.
You can fill
your stupid beret once.
Burn on you! I brought
my expandable beret!
Krusty, this is
exactly the kind of meddling
that only we're allowed to do.
Fire her as we discussed!
Don't make us
threaten you.
Krusty?!
What did you tell them?
Oh, I, I did that laugh
that people interpret
any way they want.
I thought that laugh meant
"I love you."
It can...
Well, there's no room
for waffling anymore.
You're with me
forever or never.
Which is it?
What, uh, when you said...
I'm paying extra
for this channel?
Hasn't been good since
The Wire. Ah, who am I kidding?
I never watched The Wire.
Had to bluff my way through
so many conversations.
Well, Annie,
I think you know my answer.
Wow, Krusty, adjusting
for age, that was amazing!
Hey, hey.
And the best thing is
I kept my word
and I got a new show.
Sex over 60: The Mechanics
of the Impossible. Take two!
Is it over?
Can I open my eyes?
Hey, come on, wake up.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
- Shh!
- Oh, grow up!
D'oh!
♪ ...Show. ♪
In these
d-d-dark t-times...
Can't get enough
Itchy and Scratchy!
And now it's time for...
another Itchy and Scratchy?
Who's the star of this show,
me or...?!
♪ The Simpsons 23x08 ♪
The Ten-Per-Cent Solution
Original Air Date on December 4, 2011
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
♪ When you were here before ♪
♪ Couldn't look you in the eye ♪
Why is my show all cartoons?!
And all the movies
they're making fun of
are over a year old.
It's like those parodies
were written
when the movies came out, but
it took so long to animate them
that we look dated and hacky.
Why can't we...?!
Kids, that's
enough TV.
Maggie's eye is
starting to wander.
- Mom, what are you doing?!
- What a rip!
No more TV.
We're gonna get some fresh air
and visit the Museum...
of Television.
Why can't we visit
a real museum?
One that doesn't
have the skeletons
of the Three Stooges
in the lobby.
We have to see the Museum of TV
before next Wednesday
when it closes forever.
It's closing?!
But where will people
find clips of old TV shows
if they're not housed
in a giant building?
Where? Where?!
Ay, caramba!
(King of the Hill theme
playing)
Hmm, they're selling off
all the old TV relics.
Whoa!
The gun Sheriff Baby wore!
Hmm.
Bart!
Thank God I had this
in my pocket.
Oh, my pants are
splitting wide open.
And people will see my tattoo
of Donald Duck smoking a doob!
That was for
Marge's eyes only.
Oh, my God!
Fatso Flanagan!
Who's Fatso Flanagan?
Only the funniest
black-and-white man ever.
Isn't that just a rip-off
of The Honeymooners?
Everything's a rip-off
of The Honeymooners.
Margie, you're the greatest.
Oh, Ralph, Fred,
Archie, King of Queens,
I mean Homer.
You'll see, Eunice.
I'm gonna win
the Irish Sweepstakes,
and then I'm buying you
a mink coat.
Are you getting excited?
No.
That's me not holding my breath.
Just you wait, Eunice.
Just you wait.
Ka-chik, kaboom, ka-splatter!
See your grave there?
They were so childless
and miserable.
The size 48s.
That's when he was the funniest.
How would you know?
I was Fatso's agent.
Annie Dubinsky.
If you ever hear a star's name
and wonder, is he dead?
The answer is either
I represent him or yes.
Now, let me ask you something:
is there a place for
an old-fashioned lard-ass
like me on today's television?
Um, would you play a
bloated corpse on CSI?
Would I?!
Wow, that's good
bloat work!
He always comes back
really religious.
You're killing me here
with this Catchy and Patchy.
I'm barely on my own show.
Today's kids are uncomfortable
with a clown
whose every reference they have
to look up on Wikipedia.
Wikipedia, Twitter--
who names these things?
Percy Dovetonsils?
Get it?
Come on, he was on Ernie Kovacs
with a smoking jacket...
Krusty,
we want to make some changes.
What kind of changes?
Krusty, um, this is never easy,
but you're fired.
Oh, that was easy.
Oh, no!
My contract states
there's only one way
you're allowed to fire me!
Yep, everything's
nice and legal!
Could this be
more awkward?
They took my dressing room, my
parking space, even my writer,
so I don't have a
funny third item.
But at least I got you,
my agent and best friend.
Krustila, I'm gonna
drop you as a friend first,
so that when I drop you
as a client,
you'll know it's only business.
But we shared everything!
Boats, girlfriends, condos.
And when I finished, every one
of them was spic and span.
Krusty, I'm gonna prove
that it's over.
What? I'm on
your garage door opener?
It's a smartphone,
you out-of-it hack.
Little help?
This only shuts the door.
So, what was everyone's
favorite moment at the museum?
I liked the
knowledgeable docents.
I liked the early
closing time.
Krusty?
Fate is so cruel.
This morning I was a star,
with a top agent.
Now I'm strung out
in a ball pit!
Go away.
No kid should see
his hero sunk so low.
Well, you're not
exactly my hero.
I see you more as
a cautionary tale.
What?!
I'll show you
who's a cautionary tale.
I'll show everybody!
You're not licked,
Krusty.
People love a comeback.
Look at Robert Downey Jr.,
Mickey Rourke.
I don't know if
I got it in me.
Well, people also
love a quitter--
Sarah Palin, The Beatles...
Eh, it's hopeless
without an agent.
You need an agent?
We met a ten percenter today.
She'll get you meetings
with the eye,
the peacock,
the alphabet web.
You'll have a skein on the sked
before you can say
"Krusty's wardrobe furnished by
Ha-Has of Beverly Hills."
A new agent?!
I better freshen up.
Also better get back on
those anti-psychotic meds.
Oh, this is a bad sign.
I've been to classier
gas stations.
I know that laugh!
It's the laugh of
the most ungrateful,
credit-grabbing,
other-people's-room-service-
eating man that I ever met.
I will never forgive you
for what you did to me.
Krusty, you know her?
Ms. Dubinsky,
can you please just tell us
why you hate Krusty?
Come on in.
It's a long story.
Oh, now
I hate him, too.
It was the mid '60s.
I was a virgin agent,
looking for a first client
or a fourth husband.
And then I saw him.
Hey-hey.
Scary world.
They start with the A-bomb,
then skip right to the H-bomb.
These geniuses can
blow up the planet,
but they don't know
the alphabet.
I knew he could be big.
He just needed
some savvy fingers
to mold his clay into an Ali.
Herschel, you killed
them tonight!
There wasn't a
dry turtleneck in the house.
But mark my words:
the bohemian crowd
is small potatoes.
You're gonna have to
broaden your act
if you want to play in Peoria.
I don't want
to play in Peoria.
They're always doing
construction on Highway 74.
I mean, if you want to hit it
big, you got to lose this...
stick this on...
and make your comedy
a touch more physical.
How do I do that?
Like so.
Wow.
This is the best kind of
comedy of all: cheap!
Herschel, you are gonna get
everything you want:
money and women...
There's only one
thing I want:
ice for my ding-dong!
And you.
Every night, he had them
rolling in the aisles,
followed by a roll
in the hey-hey with me.
This is the part where I get
the kids out of the room.
Oh, grow up.
Today's kids are less sensitive
than an army condom.
They see more on TV than my
mother did on her wedding night.
And they don't complain about it
for the next 50 years.
I got big plans
for us, Krusty.
This is just
the beginning.
Actually, sweetheart,
it's the end.
I'm leaving you for Ron
Rabinowitz at United Parasites.
You waited until now
to tell me that?!
I can only tell the truth
right after sex.
But all during sex
I was thinking it.
Get out!
You ungrateful pig!
I made you!
Deep down, I'm doing this
to get back at my father.
Don't blame
this on me.
Your childhood
was heaven.
I was so mad at him
I didn't have sex with a clown
for five months.
What about mimes?
Come on.
I'm not made of stone.
Annie, would you ever consider
taking Krusty back as a client?
No! Absolutely not!
Trust with me is
like a candle.
When you blow it out,
it's gone for good.
What about a comedy candle?
You know, that relights itself?
I don't find those funny,
just frustrating.
They're pretty funny.
Once, I used one on Milhouse.
He was wishing for his parents
to get back together,
but the flame never went out.
Good one, boy.
Annie, I'm down on
my rebuilt knee.
Can't you forgive me?
Please?
For the sake of me
getting what I want?
Fine.
But no nonsense.
Except, of course,
during working hours,
then it's all nonsense.
Great. So we're booked
for three weeks in June
at the Springfield Playhouse.
I promise you Krusty will show
up on time or sober.
Yeah, that's right, I said "or."
Let me get this straight:
you want me
to do my kids' show for adults?
They're gonna want F-bombs and
all I can give 'em is
"ca-ca" and "ta-tas."
Krusty, there is nothing people
love more than the things
they loved when they were kids.
So you re-create
your show for adults!
It worked like magic
for Pee-Wee Herman
after his setback.
What did he get in trouble for?
That's all?!
I did that while
you were on the phone!
You know, I'm
a little nervous
about doing
live theater again.
Come on. Didn't you do
your TV show in front
of an audience
for years?
Yeah, but they were kids and we
gave 'em candy if they laughed.
And if they didn't,
until the '70s,
I hit 'em with a stick.
Some jerk tracked down the kids
and made a documentary.
It's called Circus of Shame
or something.
And now, let's welcome a man
the Spanish call "Señor No-Fun":
Krusty the Clown!
Hey-hey, kids!
Hey-hey, Krusty!
Who here likes nostalgia?
Everything's perfect
about the past
except how it led
to the present.
Then welcome back the original
Tick-Tock the Clock!
Would that I could
turn back time
and never play this
career-killing role.
Ooh, looks like Tick-Tock is
telling us it's time for...
What's In Krusty's Pocket?!
Mmm. Ah!
I've pulled out everything
but my Little Krusty.
Aw, what the heck?
Oh, that was great, man!
I feel like I'm
ten again!
Everything I loved
as a kid
and hated as a teenager
I love as an adult!
No one knows better
than me
that it's "Here today,
gone tomorrow."
But I'm here today!
Thanks to you, honey!
Mmm... mwa!
Uh, um, sorry...
This one, I think,
is mine.
Yeah, I'll take that...
I'll, give me
that one.
Well, that looks
better on you, honey.
Yeah.
No, no, no, it screams you.
Let's just keep smooching
till everything sorts
itself out.
Mmm... I'm done.
Krusty, you're getting
the best reviews of your career!
Yep! I'm back on top!
And this time I'm not blowing it
on cocaine for my horses.
They start well, then they get
paranoid around the third turn.
And you'll have plenty
to invest.
The networks have
come crawling.
Which ones? Telebozo?
Shtick at Nite? E.S.P.U.?
Better, baby.
Our premium cable network is
a little different
from what you're used to.
Our brand is classy
and upscale.
And we pay for everything
with soft porno and boxing.
Wait a minute.
There's soft porno?
And here you don't have
to worry about budgets,
and the critics are
in our pocket.
en the Boston Phoenix?
If not, we'll burn it
to the ground!
And that will be the end
of that phoenix.
All good. I just have one
non-negotiable demand:
This brass begonia here is
my producer now
until the end of time.
Really?
Yep.
And you know
that anything said
at a network pitch meeting
can be taken to the bank.
♪ ♪
Krusty, my man,
you finally hit it big.
You said it!
The Entourage actors are
now my interns!
I got your coffees,
Mr. K.!
Too hot!
Too cold!
Genius!
No, no, no!
What, are you crazy?!
You can't put
a green wall behind
a clown with green hair!
Beloved entertainer...
sad old man!
Beloved entertainer...
sad old man!
He ain't changing, so everything
else in the world has to!
Annie, it's your
first day on the set.
Scream something nice.
Krusty, I am here to serve
you and no one else.
"Nice" gets booked
at birthday parties!
Hey, birthday parties got me
through some tough times.
For years I lived on
piñata candy!
Yeah? Well, from now on
the only birthday parties
you are gonna do are
for the insane sons
of rich Middle Eastern
dictators.
Your going rate is 100
barrels of oil.
Whoa, that's Beyoncé volume.
Wait one hairy, banana-peeling,
scene-stealing minute here!
Wha...?
What'd I do?
Whose show is this?
Huh? Huh?!
Whose name is on
that sign?!
Yeah, that's right,
little buddy boy!
Krusty! Krusty!
And don't you ever
upstage him
or craft service will be
serving chimp tacos!
Yeah, I'd like to squeeze
a lime on that!
Now apologize to Krusty!
Not so hard.
She'll know
we have a past.
What's going on,
yanking me out of my schvitz?!
I look like an unwrapped mummy.
Ooh! Idea for sketch:
rapping mummy.
Notorious T-U-T.
It writes itself.
Find someone to write it.
Where's Annie?
Annie is what we need
to discuss.
She's out of control.
She called a network
vice president "unhip."
And he reads GQ
and he's straight.
And recently
we had this incident.
Wait!
What are you doing?!
She claimed this intern
sharpened her pencil
"too pointy."
Oh, I see what's
going on here:
if a woman does it,
she's a bitch.
But in a man, those traits would
be considered...
Uh-oh!
That hallway looks
familiar.
I'm only getting
college credit for this!
My legs!
Wow, I can't believe
we're in the audience
of a pay-cable show!
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Krusty's favorite part
of the taping: talking to the
audience before the show.
Hey-how-are-ya-don't-talk-to-me
-the-show's-starting.
And now... the clown
that never lets you down...
Krusty the... Clown!
Hey, hey, premium cable
subscribers!
Tonight we've got the cast of
the hit Boardwalk Vampire!
We've also got Janeane Garofolo.
Wait a minute!
We have very specific
language in our contract
saying "No guests who are
funnier than Krusty."
Janeane has promised to be
strictly angry and polemical.
And I'll keep my promise,
like Obama did with Guantanamo.
Oh! That's funnier
than I can ever hope to be!
Sorry, Janeane.
Grab some shrimp and go.
You can fill
your stupid beret once.
Burn on you! I brought
my expandable beret!
Krusty, this is
exactly the kind of meddling
that only we're allowed to do.
Fire her as we discussed!
Don't make us
threaten you.
Krusty?!
What did you tell them?
Oh, I, I did that laugh
that people interpret
any way they want.
I thought that laugh meant
"I love you."
It can...
Well, there's no room
for waffling anymore.
You're with me
forever or never.
Which is it?
What, uh, when you said...
I'm paying extra
for this channel?
Hasn't been good since
The Wire. Ah, who am I kidding?
I never watched The Wire.
Had to bluff my way through
so many conversations.
Well, Annie,
I think you know my answer.
Wow, Krusty, adjusting
for age, that was amazing!
Hey, hey.
And the best thing is
I kept my word
and I got a new show.
Sex over 60: The Mechanics
of the Impossible. Take two!
Is it over?
Can I open my eyes?
Hey, come on, wake up.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
- Shh!
- Oh, grow up!