The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 22, Episode 14 - Angry Dad: The Movie - full transcript

D'oh!

Gah!

♪ The Simpsons 22x14 ♪
Angry Dad: The Movie
Original Air Date on February 20, 2011

So the family's still gone.

What do I do now?

Let's get this party started.

Bart's been alone
for 23 minutes.

Let's get this yo
on the road, people.

Wait, I haven't chosen
my mix-in.

Okay, I'll take some of that.

Well, that's my tip jar.



Mix it in!

Whoa, mama!

Let me freshen that up
for you.

I love Saturday!

I'm gonna kill you, boy.

I'm bored.

That's it, boy!

I'm eating
your yogurt!

You ate his yogurt
in the car.

He didn't know that.

Stupid kid.

All you do is cost me money.

Money I could be wasting.

Is Bart Simpson here?



Because I'm about
to make him

and his family
very wealthy.

Wealthy?!

Hey, remember the guy

who drove you
to school that one time.

I should
introduce myself.

My name is Herman Milwood,
and my company makes...

The Aero Chair.

The most comfortable
ergonomic chair there is.

So, what brings you
here, Mr. Chair?

Bart, do you
remember this?

That's Angry Dad,

the semi-autobiographical
Web cartoon I created.

I legally forced
him to say semi.

The multimillion dollar
Internet startup

that put Angry Dad on the net
ordered a lot of my chairs.

♪ Bye, bye ♪
♪Bye, bye... ♪

But when
the tech bubble popped...

...the chairs were never
paid for,

so we repossessed the only thing

they had left-- the cartoons.

And most importantly,
Angry Dad,

because now I want to make it
into a movie.

My stupid cartoon a movie?!

Thank you!

Oh, don't thank me.

Thank Hollywood for being
completely out of good ideas.

My little
Roman Polanski.

Homer!
What?

What's wrong
with being Roman Polanski?

He what?

You monster!

Thanks for letting me
make this movie, Mr. Milwood.

I've always loved cartoons,

going way back
to the real early SpongeBobs.

Well, I think your movie
has real potential.

Everyone has an angry dad,
even me.

What the hell
are you making chairs for?

In this family,
we sit on the ground!

Now, Bart,

this is where we will help you
bring your vision to life.

Oh, my God, that's Bart Simpson!

And Angry
Dad himself.

It's like meeting Mickey Mouse

and Walt Disney
at the same time.

Mr. Simpson, I'm in charge of
the team that animates your ass.

Anything you can give us
from real life?

Observe.

Wow. Whoa!

Uh!

Soda?
No, thanks.

Eh. More for me.

Bart, we've got
some bad news.

The actor who did
the original voice

of Angry Dad can't do the movie.

He blew out his voice
screaming...

about how he never got paid.

The first time around.

Oh, man.
What can we do?

Well, the cartoon's
based on your dad.

Maybe he can do the voice.

Can he get angry on cue?

Oh!

Hey, Homer, you want
to be the voice of Angry Dad?

It would be an honor!

Thanks for coming out.
One announcement.

The voice Angry Dad will be
on a speaker phone today.

There's something going
on at the nuclear plant

that's a little
more important

than your table read.

Angry Dad: The Movie.

"Angry Dad addresses the family
from the top of the stairs."

Family, today I graduate from
my anger-management class.

"Angry Dad slips and
crashes down the stairs."

"Pained noises."

No, Dad, don't say
"pained noises."

You make pained noises.

Oh, okay.

Lenny, hit me with that chair.

Okay.

Hi, everyone.
I'm Bart Simpson,

the creator of Angry Dad.

To make this film, I had to miss
countless hours of school.

And there was also
some hardship.

I hope you like it
as much as I do.

...The Movie!

What did they think?
Well, let's not jump to conclusions.

We'll look at the tape of the
audience watching the movie.

Now comes the part where
the movie actually starts.

For God's sake, turn it off!
Turn it off!

Oh.

Don't feel bad, boy.

Everyone makes mistakes.

Yours is just public
and expensive.

You know, your movie's
not all bad.

If you cut out the stuff
that didn't work,

it would make a great
short film.

A short film?!

Many great directors

like Wes Anderson,
Frank Tashlin

and Tim Burton started
with short films.

Name one more.
Taylor Hackford.

Well, I don't know
who that is,

but I'm convinced.
Let's start cutting.

Bongiorno.

Where is the Bart-a Simpson?

- I am the Bart.
- Bravissimo.

You know me as Luigi,
the spaghetti guy.

But I am here in my capacity

as a member of the
Hollywood Foreign Press.

Your animated short,
Angry Dad,

or as we call it in the pizza
English-- Papa Apoplectica,

she has-a been
a-nominated

for a Golden Globe.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have some unhappy news
to deliver

to Sir Anthony Hopkins.

Sir Anthony, your pizza--

She's a-gonna
be late.

Damn you.
Damn you to hell!

Huh? What?

The creative team
from Mixar!

Pardon me. I have seen
all of your movies--

except Cars-- and I can't
believe my brother

is in the same category

as the digital Rembrandts
of my generation.

So that makes your brother
the competition.

Randy, tell her how
we feel about that.

♪ You've got an enemy ♪

♪ You've got an enemy ♪

♪ You better have nine lives
because we have eight knives ♪

♪ Yes, you've got an enemy ♪

♪ You've got
an enemy. ♪

♪ ...Hate your guts ♪

Hi. Yeah, it's me,
Ricky Gervais.

Tanqueray gin and
tonic, please.

I'm paid to drink
that in my movies.

The amount isn't important.

A lot to you--
let's be honest.

Not so much to me.

Aw.

Okay, you missed it.

But I just put
a tip in there.

A big one.
Double digits, ten.

The lowest of the double digits,
but nevertheless, ten dollars.

So a lot of money to you.

Less to me.

But ten dollars
nonetheless.

Look at it.

The ten? That was
there before.

It was not!

Who else in here is going
to tip ten dollars?!

Keith Urban? Helen Mirren?
I don't think so.

They don't have the common
touch, do they? Like me.

You've seen that.
We've bonded.

You're thinking,
"Wow, he's rich.

He's famous.
He's got great abs."

Personal trainer. You
couldn't afford that.

I used to be fat.
I used to eat junk food.

You probably still do.

But you're going,
"Wow, look at him.

How much did that
suit cost him?"

Nothing.
I got it for free.

That's what happens
when you're a celebrity.

Helen. Helen.

She can't hear me.
Helen! Mirren!

Who does she
think she is?

Fur coat, no knickers.

Anyway, mate, your
ice is dripping.

And now, to
present the Golden Globe

for best animated short,
Russell Brand.

It's great to be here
with all the old friends

I haven't seen since rehab.

No, no, I'm just kidding.

None of you are my friends.

And now, the nominees
for best animated short.

The Brothers of Beauville.

♪♪

Saakashvili Spring.

Condiments by Mixar.

And Angry Dad.

And the Globe goes to...

Angry Dad!

I have many people to thank.

Angry Dad's voice is
part Walter Matthau--

Hey, Felix--

part Little Richard-- Whoo!

and a little bit of Snoopy
when he cries:

This is insane!
He didn't show up for work,

he badmouthed the movie on
Jimmy Fallon,

and now he's hogging
all the credit!

Don't worry, sweetie.

This is just the first
of way too many award shows.

You'll get your chance
to say ridiculous things.

I'd like to thank
Mr. Speedy Pants Repair

for sewing up my pants
just before the ceremony

and the woman
who has inspired me every day

for the past 25 years,
the cute one from The Bangles!

See you at the cool party!

Hello. I'm wearing
my retainer.

Angry Dad got
an Oscar nomination?!

♪ I'm going to the Oscars
not as a seat-filler ♪

♪ I'll get a gift basket,
but I won't declare it. ♪

Hey, don't you know
it's awards season?

Who's calling you at 5:00
in the morning, anyway?

Ah, nobody.
Wrong number.

If I find out it's a right
number, you're in big trouble!

It's Bart Simpson,

writer-director
of Angry Dad!

And you are with?

My lame-o sister Lisa.

And Lisa,
who are you wearing?

I believe it's from Lamps Plus.

And where's
the Angry Dad himself?

Where's Homer Simpson?

Homer? I don't know.

L.A.'s a world-class city
with a lot to offer.

He's probably enjoying
the sights.

Uh-oh.

Yo-yo-yo! Why you messing

with Simon Rodeo's
folk-art masterpiece?!

Check it out!
That's Angry Dad!

Hey, why ain't you
at the Oscars, A.D.?

Oscars? What are you
talking about?

My son gave me this list
of awesome things to do in L.A.

"Chatsworth"?

That's where the 118 meets
Topanga Canyon, fool!

Someone must not want you
at that kudo-cast, yo.

Damn, Home Simp,
you been Oscar-blocked!

What you think
about that, Nasty J?

That's cold.

Hmm, who could
possibly want

to stop me from
accepting an award?

My category comes up
pretty soon.

I home free
as long as this Oscar show

is tight and fast-paced.

Sound mixers may
not be glamorous,

but they make us
sound so good.

Without them,
we'd be up a creek

without a decibel.

♪ California... ♪

No worries, A.D.,
we got time.

We'll get you over
to your venue

and pick up some dim sum
on the way.

According to this live blog,
Ben Stiller and Jack Black

are doing a bit
that will not end.

Turn it off, turn it off!
For God's sake, turn it off!

And now please welcome Academy
Award winner Halle Berry.

When most people think
of animated movies,

they think of 40 minutes
or more,

but there is another type
of animated film:

40 minutes or less.

Conductor, get ready
to play my song.

And the winner is...
not going to be announced

until we watch a lengthy clip
from each short.

Condiments by Mixar.

The Tabasco brothers
got Frenchy!

We're gonna have to leave
the kitchen.

I don't want to go!
I don't want to go!

Wake me for the syrupy ending.

Timmy's coming!
Assume your positions!

My God, I'm empty!

Don't let 'em put pencils in me!

Thanks, Rollin' 80s.

Hey, you two are honorary
members for life.

That means any other gang
sees you, they'll kill you.

I was born a Rollin' 80

and I'll die
a Rollin' 80!

Willis and Crumble in
Better Gnomes and Gardens.

Not to worry,
Miss Penny Farthing,

Crumble will soon have

your garden gnomes back in
tip-top condition.

He's good as new!

You must come in
for a spot of tea

and a homemade
Marmite sandwich.

Homemade Marmite?!

And made by a woman
with such gentle hands.

Crumble! Crumble!

Where has that
silly dog got to?

Oh, my!

Good luck, Mr. Park.

There will be no shame
in losing to you.

Oh, that's very
sweet of you.

Thank you
for saying so.

No worries.

I'll just stick 'em
back on.

I'm more clay
than man now.

And finally, Angry Dad.

No free refills!

Ah! Damn, that's good!

And for best animated short,
the Oscar goes to...

Wait, one last moment
about me.

Every night, I dream that
my teeth fly out of my mouth.

Angry Dad.

Yes!

This is it! I finally get to
accept an award for my movie.

Except it's not just my movie.

It was my sister's idea
to make this into a short.

And so many animators.

Every day was
somebody's birthday.

And you know what?
It was my dad's movie, too.

I only wish he were here,
and not at Cerritos Auto Square.

You got your wish, boy.
I'm proud of you.

I'm sorry I took
all the credit.

This whole thing
is silly.

I mean, isn't the idea
of one person taking credit

for an entire movie the
stupidest thing you ever heard?

You make a lot of good points,
Bart, a lot of good points.

You're a very thoughtful kid.

You remind me of Deborah Kerr
in Black Narcissus.

Anyway, granted, despite what
André Bazin might say,

films are a collaborative
art form.

But hey, you can't give
an Oscar to everyone.

We can still order
a replacement

from the Academy,
right?

Hey, they're, like,
five bucks on eBay.

Oh, hi. Ricky Gervais.

Um, such an honor
to meet you, Sir Ridley.

I love your movies.

Or as I call them, "films."

Um, glad I bumped
into you, actually,

because I'm looking
to expand beyond comedy.

I know what you're
thinking, Sir Ridley.

You're thinking,
"Oh, my word!

"He's been making me laugh
all these years,

"but now he's
moving me as well!

I'm gonna have to put him
in my new film!"

What do you think?
I'm a seat-filler.

Well, why couldn't you
have said that

a minute ago?
Don't take any of my ideas.

== Sync, corrected by KAKI ==