The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 21, Episode 7 - Rednecks and Broomsticks - full transcript
After getting lost in a game of hide-and-seek, Lisa wanders into the field and discovers three teenage girls, including Cassandra, who are practicing Wiccans. Though she is skeptical of their spells, the girls assure Lisa that they never hurt anyone and ask her to join their coven. Just before Lisa is inducted into their pact, Chief Wiggum arrives and arrests the three girls for witchcraft and Lisa becomes the star witness in the trial. Meanwhile, Homer starts hanging out with Cleatus and his hillbilly friends when he discovers that they make moonshine.
Season 21 - Episode 07
- Rednecks and Broomsticks -
How can you call it a ski weekend
if we're going home at dawn on Sunday?
Got to leave early
to beat the traffic.
Now, to get on route 205,
and it's a straight shot home.
For crying out...!
I hate traffic:
the band and the phenomenon.
There's only one game
we can play in the car
over and over
and over again: Bonk it.
I'm sorry, kids.
We lost the batteries for that.
No problem. A couple just rolled out
from behind your seat.
Bonk it. Twist it.
Smack it. Thwack it.
Whack it. Bonk it. Bop it.
I can't take it anymore!
I can't take it anymore!
Oh, darn.
The batteries are dead.
Not to worry:
it plugs into the cigarette lighter.
Kids, it's daddy's turn.
Stomp it! Crush it! Kill it!
Finally, some peace and quiet.
Why do my actions have consequences?
Now, kids,
we're about to get really cold,
then really warm.
Bonk it. Twist it. Smack it.
Drink up, sweetie.
Let the possum work its magic.
Possum?!
Don't worry, we don't kill it.
We just dip it.
- What happened?
- What happened is,
I saved your life.
Now, you's had a rough day.
Why don't you have a pull on this?
- Where's the hooch?
- Excuse my faux pas.
That jug was fo' pa.
Come on, now.
We'll go on back to the still.
And in case we run into trouble...
Brandine! Where is the bazook?
He's gonna shoot
those google earth folks
what caught me
with my breeches down.
This here's my pride and joy:
'ol betsy.
A female that gives
birth to alcohol.
Now, gentlemen, let us toast
our new friend's escape
from death's icy grip
with my latest
batch of whoopee water.
So, what y'all think?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, good.
It angrys up my fists!
I just remembered
my feud with this here tree!
Get her done. Get her done.
What's your take, city boy?
It's got a rich mash base
and a sense of danger.
And I detect notes
of elderberry, tobacco, oak...
No, poison oak...
and hints of game.
That is amazing!
You have the eloquence and urgency
of a census worker caught
in a bear trap.
We's gonna invite you
to all our soirees,
"mixers and drink-'em-ups."
Now let's enjoy
the bluegrass stylings
of the country bear jamboree.
So, you guys have any video games?
Nope, but my mama brought some
of these boom potatoes
back from Iraq.
Set 'em up again.
So, I'll hide, and you guys
count to 100.
- One.
- Two.
- Backwards "e".
- One-legged triangle.
- Banana hot dog.
- Double banana hot dog.
60 corncob two.
This is the best hiding place.
They'll never find me.
I'm here.
Come find me.
Olly olly oxen free.
Olly olly oxen free!
Why did I do poetry club
instead of girl scouts?
Why did I do poetry club instead
of girl scouts?
Dark is she, but brilliant.
Black are her wings...
black on black.
She is Lilith,
Who leadeth forth the hordes
of the abyss.
You are going to be so embarrassed.
There are two other people
at this party dressed just like you.
State thy business.
My name's Lisa, and I was playing
hide-and-seek when I met you ladies.
- Please don't hurt me.
- We're not going to hurt you.
But we don't like outsiders
observing our esbat.
What's an Esbat?
An ancient ritual
in celebration of the full moon.
- We're wiccans.
- You mean witches?
Technically...
but we're not into broomsticks
or pointy hats.
Well, I'm glad you're not witches.
Wouldn't want you
to cast a spell on me.
Oh, we cast spells.
And they work.
Sure, they do.
If magic was real,
I'd use it to get out
of my pipe cleaner art project
that's due tomorrow.
You should keep an open mind.
Things said in the circle have
a surprising way of coming true.
Lisa.
Lisa!
Dad, over here!
Come, sisters of the elements.
Let us leave this place
in a manner most wiccan.
- What are you talking about?
- Text your mom to pick us up.
Oh, sweetie, I found you.
Now, who's going to find us?
Help!
I have one minute to avoid
my first late assignment ever.
The pipe cleaner fur
is coming off on my hands.
Class, miss hoover
will not be in today,
so you all get a's
on your pipe cleaner sculptures.
What happened to miss Hoover?
Came down with a spell
of stomach flu.
Spell? Those girls couldn't have made
her sick... or could they?
Maybe we'll pass the time
with another craft project.
I'll let one of you pick.
Lisa.
Which craft?
Which craft?
Which craft?!
This here country is home
to over 300 family-owned stills.
None of them big
corporate moonshiners,
like crazy-think white lightning
or Dwayne Saggery's demento juice.
So, let's go taste some
independent hooch!
Thanks for bringing us down here.
Yeah. There's something wonderful
about being drunk outdoors.
- I wonder if Moe misses us.
- No, I don't miss you.
Now, get back to my bar
for happy hour,
or I'll paint the snow pink
with your brains.
Drop your fire sticks, man possum.
So I guess this means you hillbillies
are going to have your way with me?
For god's sake.
You know, one hillbilly has his way
with one fat guy in deliverance,
and suddenly, people think
that's all hillbillies do.
I suppose you think all space
is Star Wars.
No, I thought we had
a connection here,
and we're out in the woods and...
Hey, forget it!
I... I ain't gonna beg for it.
You'll never know
what you missed out on.
Did you girls make miss Hoover sick?
Oh, no, we would never ask
the goddess to harm a teacher.
But if the goddess chose to help you
by giving miss Hoover
the hershey squirts,
such is her divine Wisdom.
Listen, not that
I've lost my skepticism,
but I am interested
in learning more about wiccans.
Are you a minority group
as defined by Ivy league admissions?
- Cornell and Dartmouth.
- What else ya got?
We worship nature.
I worship nature!
Want to join us?
Well, it is an honor to be asked.
But I never make a final decision
in the middle of a forest at night.
- That's smart thinkin'!
- Shut up and dig your own grave.
What if I don't dig it?
What are you gonna do then?
Guess I'll have to dig it for ya.
With your bad back?
Forget about it!
Is that a pentagram?
Lis! You've finally come
over to the dark side!
Um, it's the wiccan home page.
I'm thinking of joining.
No, no, no.
You're too young to be a witch.
Savor the steps leading up to it.
College anorexic,
string of bad marriages,
career disappointments,
failed pottery shop.
And then when you're old and alone,
you can hit the witch thing hard.
Hey, every witch needs a familiar.
I'm gonna put a spell on you!
Yes, I am,
My tuna-breath familiar.
Zap! Zap! Zap!
I curse you, hell's kitten!
Just as I feared.
Her buddhism has led
directly to witchcraft.
And she's teleconferencing the devil
using that computer from hell!
I think it says "Dell."
We'll let the authorities
sort that out.
Mmm, not bad.
What's that twirly ruckus?
The government!
Initiate, how does one
enter the circle?
With perfect faith and perfect love.
Join us, join us.
- GRAPE
- Join us.
Do not sanctify that witch!
I kinda feel sorry for them,
crammed in that back seat.
Toss them a Judy Blume novel, Lou.
Uh, all we've got is Wifey, chief.
Nothing with kids in it?
Damn budget cuts.
Burn!
Double bubble boil and trouble?
Today, Springfield will see
its first witch trials in 12 years.
Oh, I think I see the witches now.
This reporter has never encountered
such disfigured crones.
We're not the witches!
Oh, well then you must be victims
of the witches' hideous curse.
You didn't think I was so
hideous that night we made out
in the back booth
at the seafood hut.
We all did crazy things on 9/11.
Ah, here come the witches.
Do you have a statement
for us mortals?
Goddess lilith, who knows
our hearts are pure...
Oh, Queen of magic,
show our persecutors
that they are blind.
They are blind!
I'm blind! I'm blind!
What goes around, comes around.
Dear, god, I've gone blind.
Nurse, you'll have to be my eyes.
I'm blind, too!
Then I guess it's up to me.
Gwendolyn nightshadow,
did you use your supernatural powers
to blind half this town?
We're just kids.
My real name isn't even
Gwendolyn Nightshadow.
It's Stacey, Stacey Deathsatan.
So...
the defendants recruited you,
a young innocent,
into their evil coven.
They're not evil! They believe in
friendship and respecting the earth.
And they made me feel
like I belonged.
Your honor, I'd like to enter
something into the record.
- Strangely, I'll allow it.
- Everybody,
I am a big dummy with a stupid job.
I write down what other people say,
just like a big dummy would.
Could the court reporter
read that back?
"I am a big dummy
with a stupid job"?!
In all my years of being a judge,
I've never seen such a flimsy case.
Are you sure? 'cause we've
brought you a lot of flimsy cases.
Like that goat we accused
of income tax evasion.
I still think he was guilty.
I'm not wasting
another minute on this.
Case dismissed!
There's no justice here.
They made me blind!
And now I can really
hear how I bomb!
Well, I say we take them out
and have our own trial!
Don't mind me.
I'm just trying to get
a fly on the ceiling.
I got you now.
Burn the witch!
Not so fast!
As citizens, we are still
bound by the rule of law.
17th-century law!
I have reconstructed
the ultimate instrument
of colonial justice:
The dunking stool.
If the alleged witches
survive the dunking,
They clearly were witches!
If they drown, then they
were clearly innocent.
After this, it will be featured
in the fifth-grade play, the crucible.
Good seats still available.
By which I mean, seats in the
back where you can fall asleep.
Don't dip those wiccans!
They didn't blind anyone.
I have proof!
- Proof?
- When my father was attending
the moonshine competition
last Saturday...
You said you were
at a parenting class!
Marge, please. You're embarrassing
me in front of the mob.
You heard sirens, which you thought
were police coming to arrest you.
To ditch their stills,
the moonshiners
pushed them down a hill.
The moonshine landed in a river,
temporarily blinding anyone
or anything that drank it.
That river led to the reservoir
which made anyone who drank
the town's tap water
also go temporarily blind.
Moonshine in the water?
I'll be the judge of that.
Hillbilly moonshine!
The little witch is right!
Wait, wait, wait, don't unform!
You're a great mob!
We'll think of something else
to get upset about!
How about all that construction
on route one, huh?
Oh, you ain't no mob.
You're just a bunch
of spineless weasels.
Hey, t's just a figure of speech.
Kill the weasel hater!
Now this is what I'm talking about!
Sister Lisa, thank you
for saving us.
- You were awesome.
- No, thank you.
I've been rational
but nerdy my whole life.
But these past few weeks,
you girls made me feel cool.
Cool!
Me, Lisa Simpson!
Well, I think you're
very interesting girls,
but from now on,
The only "witch" in lisa's life
is which boy will marry her.
Right, Homer? Homer?
Start the ride!
Again!
Transcript : Forom
Traduction :
Robot, Skualler, Strex & Polok
Synchro : Robot & Job22
- Rednecks and Broomsticks -
How can you call it a ski weekend
if we're going home at dawn on Sunday?
Got to leave early
to beat the traffic.
Now, to get on route 205,
and it's a straight shot home.
For crying out...!
I hate traffic:
the band and the phenomenon.
There's only one game
we can play in the car
over and over
and over again: Bonk it.
I'm sorry, kids.
We lost the batteries for that.
No problem. A couple just rolled out
from behind your seat.
Bonk it. Twist it.
Smack it. Thwack it.
Whack it. Bonk it. Bop it.
I can't take it anymore!
I can't take it anymore!
Oh, darn.
The batteries are dead.
Not to worry:
it plugs into the cigarette lighter.
Kids, it's daddy's turn.
Stomp it! Crush it! Kill it!
Finally, some peace and quiet.
Why do my actions have consequences?
Now, kids,
we're about to get really cold,
then really warm.
Bonk it. Twist it. Smack it.
Drink up, sweetie.
Let the possum work its magic.
Possum?!
Don't worry, we don't kill it.
We just dip it.
- What happened?
- What happened is,
I saved your life.
Now, you's had a rough day.
Why don't you have a pull on this?
- Where's the hooch?
- Excuse my faux pas.
That jug was fo' pa.
Come on, now.
We'll go on back to the still.
And in case we run into trouble...
Brandine! Where is the bazook?
He's gonna shoot
those google earth folks
what caught me
with my breeches down.
This here's my pride and joy:
'ol betsy.
A female that gives
birth to alcohol.
Now, gentlemen, let us toast
our new friend's escape
from death's icy grip
with my latest
batch of whoopee water.
So, what y'all think?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, good.
It angrys up my fists!
I just remembered
my feud with this here tree!
Get her done. Get her done.
What's your take, city boy?
It's got a rich mash base
and a sense of danger.
And I detect notes
of elderberry, tobacco, oak...
No, poison oak...
and hints of game.
That is amazing!
You have the eloquence and urgency
of a census worker caught
in a bear trap.
We's gonna invite you
to all our soirees,
"mixers and drink-'em-ups."
Now let's enjoy
the bluegrass stylings
of the country bear jamboree.
So, you guys have any video games?
Nope, but my mama brought some
of these boom potatoes
back from Iraq.
Set 'em up again.
So, I'll hide, and you guys
count to 100.
- One.
- Two.
- Backwards "e".
- One-legged triangle.
- Banana hot dog.
- Double banana hot dog.
60 corncob two.
This is the best hiding place.
They'll never find me.
I'm here.
Come find me.
Olly olly oxen free.
Olly olly oxen free!
Why did I do poetry club
instead of girl scouts?
Why did I do poetry club instead
of girl scouts?
Dark is she, but brilliant.
Black are her wings...
black on black.
She is Lilith,
Who leadeth forth the hordes
of the abyss.
You are going to be so embarrassed.
There are two other people
at this party dressed just like you.
State thy business.
My name's Lisa, and I was playing
hide-and-seek when I met you ladies.
- Please don't hurt me.
- We're not going to hurt you.
But we don't like outsiders
observing our esbat.
What's an Esbat?
An ancient ritual
in celebration of the full moon.
- We're wiccans.
- You mean witches?
Technically...
but we're not into broomsticks
or pointy hats.
Well, I'm glad you're not witches.
Wouldn't want you
to cast a spell on me.
Oh, we cast spells.
And they work.
Sure, they do.
If magic was real,
I'd use it to get out
of my pipe cleaner art project
that's due tomorrow.
You should keep an open mind.
Things said in the circle have
a surprising way of coming true.
Lisa.
Lisa!
Dad, over here!
Come, sisters of the elements.
Let us leave this place
in a manner most wiccan.
- What are you talking about?
- Text your mom to pick us up.
Oh, sweetie, I found you.
Now, who's going to find us?
Help!
I have one minute to avoid
my first late assignment ever.
The pipe cleaner fur
is coming off on my hands.
Class, miss hoover
will not be in today,
so you all get a's
on your pipe cleaner sculptures.
What happened to miss Hoover?
Came down with a spell
of stomach flu.
Spell? Those girls couldn't have made
her sick... or could they?
Maybe we'll pass the time
with another craft project.
I'll let one of you pick.
Lisa.
Which craft?
Which craft?
Which craft?!
This here country is home
to over 300 family-owned stills.
None of them big
corporate moonshiners,
like crazy-think white lightning
or Dwayne Saggery's demento juice.
So, let's go taste some
independent hooch!
Thanks for bringing us down here.
Yeah. There's something wonderful
about being drunk outdoors.
- I wonder if Moe misses us.
- No, I don't miss you.
Now, get back to my bar
for happy hour,
or I'll paint the snow pink
with your brains.
Drop your fire sticks, man possum.
So I guess this means you hillbillies
are going to have your way with me?
For god's sake.
You know, one hillbilly has his way
with one fat guy in deliverance,
and suddenly, people think
that's all hillbillies do.
I suppose you think all space
is Star Wars.
No, I thought we had
a connection here,
and we're out in the woods and...
Hey, forget it!
I... I ain't gonna beg for it.
You'll never know
what you missed out on.
Did you girls make miss Hoover sick?
Oh, no, we would never ask
the goddess to harm a teacher.
But if the goddess chose to help you
by giving miss Hoover
the hershey squirts,
such is her divine Wisdom.
Listen, not that
I've lost my skepticism,
but I am interested
in learning more about wiccans.
Are you a minority group
as defined by Ivy league admissions?
- Cornell and Dartmouth.
- What else ya got?
We worship nature.
I worship nature!
Want to join us?
Well, it is an honor to be asked.
But I never make a final decision
in the middle of a forest at night.
- That's smart thinkin'!
- Shut up and dig your own grave.
What if I don't dig it?
What are you gonna do then?
Guess I'll have to dig it for ya.
With your bad back?
Forget about it!
Is that a pentagram?
Lis! You've finally come
over to the dark side!
Um, it's the wiccan home page.
I'm thinking of joining.
No, no, no.
You're too young to be a witch.
Savor the steps leading up to it.
College anorexic,
string of bad marriages,
career disappointments,
failed pottery shop.
And then when you're old and alone,
you can hit the witch thing hard.
Hey, every witch needs a familiar.
I'm gonna put a spell on you!
Yes, I am,
My tuna-breath familiar.
Zap! Zap! Zap!
I curse you, hell's kitten!
Just as I feared.
Her buddhism has led
directly to witchcraft.
And she's teleconferencing the devil
using that computer from hell!
I think it says "Dell."
We'll let the authorities
sort that out.
Mmm, not bad.
What's that twirly ruckus?
The government!
Initiate, how does one
enter the circle?
With perfect faith and perfect love.
Join us, join us.
- GRAPE
- Join us.
Do not sanctify that witch!
I kinda feel sorry for them,
crammed in that back seat.
Toss them a Judy Blume novel, Lou.
Uh, all we've got is Wifey, chief.
Nothing with kids in it?
Damn budget cuts.
Burn!
Double bubble boil and trouble?
Today, Springfield will see
its first witch trials in 12 years.
Oh, I think I see the witches now.
This reporter has never encountered
such disfigured crones.
We're not the witches!
Oh, well then you must be victims
of the witches' hideous curse.
You didn't think I was so
hideous that night we made out
in the back booth
at the seafood hut.
We all did crazy things on 9/11.
Ah, here come the witches.
Do you have a statement
for us mortals?
Goddess lilith, who knows
our hearts are pure...
Oh, Queen of magic,
show our persecutors
that they are blind.
They are blind!
I'm blind! I'm blind!
What goes around, comes around.
Dear, god, I've gone blind.
Nurse, you'll have to be my eyes.
I'm blind, too!
Then I guess it's up to me.
Gwendolyn nightshadow,
did you use your supernatural powers
to blind half this town?
We're just kids.
My real name isn't even
Gwendolyn Nightshadow.
It's Stacey, Stacey Deathsatan.
So...
the defendants recruited you,
a young innocent,
into their evil coven.
They're not evil! They believe in
friendship and respecting the earth.
And they made me feel
like I belonged.
Your honor, I'd like to enter
something into the record.
- Strangely, I'll allow it.
- Everybody,
I am a big dummy with a stupid job.
I write down what other people say,
just like a big dummy would.
Could the court reporter
read that back?
"I am a big dummy
with a stupid job"?!
In all my years of being a judge,
I've never seen such a flimsy case.
Are you sure? 'cause we've
brought you a lot of flimsy cases.
Like that goat we accused
of income tax evasion.
I still think he was guilty.
I'm not wasting
another minute on this.
Case dismissed!
There's no justice here.
They made me blind!
And now I can really
hear how I bomb!
Well, I say we take them out
and have our own trial!
Don't mind me.
I'm just trying to get
a fly on the ceiling.
I got you now.
Burn the witch!
Not so fast!
As citizens, we are still
bound by the rule of law.
17th-century law!
I have reconstructed
the ultimate instrument
of colonial justice:
The dunking stool.
If the alleged witches
survive the dunking,
They clearly were witches!
If they drown, then they
were clearly innocent.
After this, it will be featured
in the fifth-grade play, the crucible.
Good seats still available.
By which I mean, seats in the
back where you can fall asleep.
Don't dip those wiccans!
They didn't blind anyone.
I have proof!
- Proof?
- When my father was attending
the moonshine competition
last Saturday...
You said you were
at a parenting class!
Marge, please. You're embarrassing
me in front of the mob.
You heard sirens, which you thought
were police coming to arrest you.
To ditch their stills,
the moonshiners
pushed them down a hill.
The moonshine landed in a river,
temporarily blinding anyone
or anything that drank it.
That river led to the reservoir
which made anyone who drank
the town's tap water
also go temporarily blind.
Moonshine in the water?
I'll be the judge of that.
Hillbilly moonshine!
The little witch is right!
Wait, wait, wait, don't unform!
You're a great mob!
We'll think of something else
to get upset about!
How about all that construction
on route one, huh?
Oh, you ain't no mob.
You're just a bunch
of spineless weasels.
Hey, t's just a figure of speech.
Kill the weasel hater!
Now this is what I'm talking about!
Sister Lisa, thank you
for saving us.
- You were awesome.
- No, thank you.
I've been rational
but nerdy my whole life.
But these past few weeks,
you girls made me feel cool.
Cool!
Me, Lisa Simpson!
Well, I think you're
very interesting girls,
but from now on,
The only "witch" in lisa's life
is which boy will marry her.
Right, Homer? Homer?
Start the ride!
Again!
Transcript : Forom
Traduction :
Robot, Skualler, Strex & Polok
Synchro : Robot & Job22