The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 21, Episode 20 - To Surveil, with Love - full transcript

Springfield covers the town with surveillance cameras after Homer creates a bomb scare at the train station. Meanwhile, Lisa considers becoming a brunette so that people will take her more seriously.

Have you a last declaration?
Nothing special.
We're innocent. we've had no trial no opportunity to defend ourselves.
In short. this is a mockey of iustice.
Do you have any last declaration?
Just get on with it.
Firing squad!
Firing position!
Take aim!
Fire!
Check weapons!
Dismiss!
Whatever his defects as a commander. Chellak brings style to these things.
Indeed!
Though the decision to execute was precipitate.
Useful information might have been extracted from them.
Merely ignorant handlers. Excellency.
The stews of the city are full of such unemployed riff-raff.
Most of them unemployed. Trau Morgus. because you have closed so many plants.
It's caused great unrest.
Easily settled.
Those without employment cards will be shipped to the eastern labour camps.
Yes. we might make that seem morally justifiable.
I'll put your suggestions to the Praesidium tomorrow.
Naturally. should any special funding be required...
Most generous.
The irony is while you've been closing plants in the west.
you've been building them in the east.
If the unemployed were sent to the east. a great many would be working for you.
Only this time without payment.
I hadn't thought of that.
Of course you hadn't.
Ahem!
Ah. Doctor.
And Peri. Welcome. indeed.
I've been so looking forward to this meeting.
Sharaz Jek, I presume?
What remains of him.
Sit down, you must be tired.
Thank you!
Androids!
But so lifelike!
I could have sworn they were human!
Sharaz Jek is improving.
His creatures?
ls he using them now for gun-running?
He must be, sir. And they'd have to pass for real on Major.
Yes. of course. The man must be a genius in his way.
Shall you inform the Praesidium?
Salateen, how can I?
lf it ever gets out that I executed two androids.
I'd be the butt of the army. I'd be finished!
lt needn't get out, sir.
Apart from ourselves. only Ensign Cass is aware of this.
Cass?
He could be sent on a deep penetration mission. Vey few return.
lf not Androzani Major, where are you from? Earth?
- Yes! - No!
Er. not exactly.
We travel a lot.
lnteresting. We shall have a lot to talk about.
I was a doctor myself once. before the study of androids took over my life.
Really? It would be fascinating to stay and talk.
but once we've rested. if you could point us towards the surface...
No. Doctor. You must stay here now.
Stay? How long?
I shall make you comfortable.
After a few years. you will be quite content living here with me.
Quite...content!
Stotzy?
The guys ain't taking no more of this.
No more of what?
We want paying and we want out.
Do you?
According to contract.
According to contract. eh?
The contract says you'll get paid on Major.
A two-day iob. you said.
A two-day iob I said. if we was lucky.
But we weren't lucky. were we?
Your luck's run out right now.
Take it easy! Take it easy!
You guys have got one option.
You can stick with me or you can stay here.
Cut it out. Stotz!
The only thing I'll cut out is your rotten black heart.
No. for pity's sake. Stotz!
The boss gave me one of these.
Ten seconds. he said. Let's see if it works!
No. Stotzy. No!
Come on. you slat!
Bite! Bite!
Come on. bite! BITE!
Next time. it'll be for real.
What is the matter?
Cramp!
Ty touching your toes.
That's it!
And again.
Working up an appetite? Salateen will bring your food shortly.
Salateen? We've not met him. Where's he chained up?
Chains are unnecessay. as you will soon discover.
Why are you keeping us here?
Oh. my exquisite child. how could I ever let you go?
The sight of beauty is so important to me.
And the stimulus of a mind nearly equal to my own.
Thank you.
I've missed so much of life these last lonely years.
Your arrival has changed all that.
We shall become the best of companions.
What do you say. Peri? We can go for nature walks and picnics.
Don't mock me. Doctor!
Beauty I must have. but you are dispensable.
Thank you.
You have the mouth of a prattling iackanapes.
But your eyes. they tell a different stoy.
lt is of no matter.
I shall break you to my will.
lf I can't break you. I shall kill you.
While you. my child. shall live forever.
Nobody lives forever.
He means it will seem like forever.
Spectrox is the key to eternal youth.
Holding at bay the ravages of time.
The flower of your beauty will be as permanent as a precious jewel
untarnished by the passing centuries.
Now we know why Spectrox is the most valuable substance in the universe.
And it's mine! All of it!
Until the army take it from you.
The possibility does not exist. I know evey move they make.
Knowing what they're doing and stopping them are different.
Exactly. The General has a plan. I've seen his operations board.
Then see mine.
The green area is held by the army.
So. they've already sealed you off to the north.
Already? To get that far has taken Chellak six months
and hundreds of casualties.
At that rate of advance. it will be five years before I'm threatened.
What's five years if it's a good war?
People on Androzani Major will not wait five years for their Spectrox.
Long before then they will rise in protest.
Then the Praesidium will agree to my terms.
What are your terms. Sharaz Jek?
They can have all the Spectrox they want
when I have the head of Morgus here at my feet.
I want the head of that perfidious. treacherous degenerate brought to me here.
congealed in its own evil blood.
- Trau Morgus? - Yes. what is it?
The Northcawl copper mine, sir.
There's been a disaster. I thought you should know.
What kind of disaster?
An explosion, sir.
Early this morning. The mine has been completely destroyed.
How sad.
However. losing Northcawl eliminates our problem of over-production.
The news should raise the price of copper.
Undoubtedly, sir.
As they used to say on Earth. evey cloud has a Strontium lining.
Yes. indeed.
As a mark of respect. I want evey employee to leave his work
and stand in silence for one minute.
I'll network that order immediately.
No. on second thoughts. make that half a minute.
Half a minute?
He's mad. Doctor. utterly mad.
And a raving egoist.
Said my mind was nearly the equal of his.
lncredible conceit!
Why does he hate Morgus so much?
Looking at Morgus. he's probably one among many.
Ah! Salateen!
I'd know you anywhere.
- I'm the Doctor. this is... - I know who you are.
I've been looking forward to this meeting.
- Why? - Fellow prisoners.
- How long have you been here? - Months.
You're an old lag. you know the ropes.
- What is this stuff? - Nutrition.
- Is it as bad as it looks? - Worse.
You probably know the best way out. eh?
- You don't? Or you won't tell us? - It's impossible.
- Do you detect coolness? - Ice cold.
- I don't think anybody likes us. - Like you?
Now you are here. he will kill me.
- Kill you? Ow! - Doctor. what's wrong?
Cramp. same as you had.
Here. is that better?
- You both have cramp? - Yes.
- You haven't touched a Spectrox nest? - Spectrox nest?
lf you mean a large fuzzy, sticky ball...
You have!
What's so funny?
You're dying!
Marvellous sense of humour! What d'you mean. we're dying?
And Sharaz Jek thought he had company for life.
Cramp is the second stage. First a rash. then spasms.
Finally. slow paralysis of the thoracic spinal nerve. then TDP.
- TDP? - Thermal death point.
Spectrox Toxaemia. I've seen dozens die from it.
- What's the cure? - There's no cure.
Wait till Jek finds out.
He's kidding. isn't he?
No. I guess not.
I'm sory. I don't suppose you see the funny side of it.
What is a Spectrox nest?
Deposits left by the bat colonies.
Raw Spectrox contains a chemical similar to mustard nitrogen.
lt's deadly to humans. so they use androids to collect it for the refiney.
- We haven't seen any bats. - The androids destroyed most of them.
They spend a chysalid stage in the nest. Three-year life-cycle.
There has to be an antidote to this Spectrox Toxaemia. It's a snake-venom effect.
- There must be a serum or antitoxin. - There is!
lt was discovered years ago.
By Professor Jackii.
Well don't keep us in suspense.
You need the milk from a queen bat.
Trouble is. they've all gone down to the deeps to die.
So you can't reach them.
- Why not? - For a start. there's no oxygen there.
What else? You said. ''For a start''.
There's some kind of creature down there.
Probably lives in the magma and comes to the surface to hunt.
lt's a carnivore.
What's it like. this creature?
Nobody's ever run into one and lived to talk about it.
All they ever find are its table leavings...
Yes?
Jek? Stotz. I want an RV.
Why?
You lost the delivey.
Your people fouled up. not ours.
I don't pay for undelivered goods.
Now listen. Jek. if you don't pay for this. we don't come back again. ever.
Understand?
I can't keep this line open.
I'll meet you at Shaft 26. Yellow Level in one hour.
This delighmul process that you describe so graphically.
how long does it take?
You're in the second stage now.
You'll be dead in two days.
Can't waste any more time here.
Go through there and you'll be dead in two seconds.
- Why? - There's an android on guard.
Jek's androids are programmed to kill humans on sight.
We were brought here by two of Jek's androids.
They can follow orders.
But normally. all humans without a belt-plate rank as targets.
He even wears one himself.
How do these belt-plates work?
Probably they emit low-frequency magna waves.
Or even a neutrino pattern keyed to the android's spectrum length.
Congratulations. Doctor. You're vey close.
You understand something of android engineering?
Something.
Then you must appreciate what a masterpiece my facsimile of Salateen is.
The perfect android.
- Nearly perfect. - Entirely perfect!
What a planet!
Vey well set a party to work checking the mud barriers.
I took the liberty of ordering that to be done, sir.
What happens now?
I have to negotiate with my arms suppliers.
They want payment in Spectrox. I'll pay half.
lf you have to go to arbitration. I've had experience.
Your sense of humour will be the death of you. Doctor.
Probably quite soon.
Emotional sort of fellow.
Why does he always wear that hood?
You want to know why?
You. with your fair skin and features.
you want to see the face under here?
- Do you? - No!
You're wise.
Even I can't bear to see or touch myself.
I who was once...once comely.
Who was always a lover of beauty...
Now I have to live in this exile.
I have to live with androids because androids do not see as we see.
What happened?
Morgus!
Why I ever trusted that Fescennine bag of slime!
I built an android workforce to collect and refine the Spectrox.
We'd agreed to share the profits.
But he'd already planned my death.
When the mud-burst caught me without warning. how he must have gloated.
But I tricked him.
I reached one of the baking chambers and I survived.
Just!
You were burned?
Scalded near to death.
The flesh boiled. hanging from the bone.
But I lived.
I lived so that one day I could revenge myself on that inhuman monster.
And I shall.
More of a tennis player than a cricketer.
He didn't say why he blames Morgus.
I've heard the stoy fifty times.
Morgus supplied faulty detection instruments. so the mud-burst caught Jek by surprise.
He didn't have time to get the barriers down.
I see.
Well Peri. it's time we were toddling along.
- How can we, with an android guard outside? - Let's take a look.
Jek!
There you are. I thought you could make it.
Damn you. man. This the second time you've made me wait for three days.
-Then you give an hour's warning to meet. - I'm a busy man.
- Where's the Spectrox? - In my strongroom.
Listen. Jek. five kilos was the price we fixed.
five kilos is what we're taking to Major.
Why should I pay for weapons I never received?
Why should I pay when you idiots let the army take them?
You'll pay. Jek. because we took the risk to get them here on time.
You'll pay because if you don't we won't be doing business no more.
Not so much as a single bullet.
Satisfied?
The androids are programmed to kill humans.
My physiology is quite different.
Question is, will it know that?
Don't ty it. Doctor.
Sory. no alternative. Just keep back.
- What's he mean. not human? - Ssh!
Hullo!
What a clever little android you are.
Now!
We'll iust cut your solenoids.
Won't hurt a bit.
All right. you can come out now.
Oh. Doctor. for a minute there. I thought...
Never mind. it's all over now.
What have we here?
This will be useful if we meet other androids.
- Where are you going? - To find the queen bat.
- There's no oxygen down there. - We'll get oxygenators from the Tardis.
- Two kilos. Stotz. - Five.
lt seems we're unable to reach an agreement.
- Ty somewhere else for your Spectrox. - Come on.
- Be reasonable. Jek. - Two kilos is vey reasonable.
- You've tons of the stuff. - And I know what it fetches.
Your threat to cut off my arms supply carries no weight.
I can obtain weapons anywhere.
- The boss won't like this. - That is your problem.
- OK. where's the two kilos? - I'll bring it. Wait here.
Be quick! I've got to call the ship down before sunrise.
Twenty minutes.
You really screwed him down.
Two kilos. what a deal!
Don't get smart with me again. Krelper!
One thing I do know -
that Spectrox is stored within ten minutes of here.
Yeah!
Yeah. Krelper.
Tons and tons of Spectrox.
waiting for guys like us to help ourselves.
We'll have to blow Jek and his dummies first.
We've got these protective belt-buckles. haven't we?
I think Sharaz Jek has fouled up in a big way this time.
First. we need to find our way to the Tardis.
Doctor. look out!
Doctor!
Let me go!
Peri?
Peri! Where are you?
Peri!
Salateen!
Peri!
Peri!
Arghhh!
She has been taken from me!
I reckon we've lost him.
He went this way.
He wouldn't have come this deep.
(SCREAMS)