The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 21, Episode 2 - Bart Gets a 'Z' - full transcript

When Mrs. Krabappel confiscates student's cell phones, the class, organized by Bart, decides to teach her a lesson by spiking her coffee and watching her make a drunken fool of herself. Principal Skinner fires Mrs. Krabappel and replaces her with a cool new teacher, Zachary Vaughn, who impresses Bart and his friends with a hip attitude and love of texting, blogging and using Twitter and Facebook. Torn by his affection for Mr. Vaughn, yet plagued by guilt, Bart makes his way to Skinner's office to tell him the truth and get Mrs. Krabappel's job back.

Season 21 - Episode 01
- Bart Gets a Z -

{\pos(192,210)}This will be a good day.
This will be a good day.

This will be a good day.

And five, and six... oh, yeah!

{\pos(192,210)}Your man is going to love
those sexy new abs.

{\pos(192,210)}It's just another day.

Check it out.

{\pos(192,210)}That crazy lady's singing
a million-year-old song.

{\pos(192,210)}Okay, Edna, remember:

if you can teach one kid
one thing,

then today will be a success.



{\pos(192,210)}Now, class...

class.

Class, please pay attention!

{\pos(192,210)}Text "Uncle". Text "Uncle".

{\pos(192,210)}You're children.
Why do you all need cell phones?

- Safety.
- Emergencies.

Safety.
Educational.

{\pos(192,210)}Could you at least
set them to vibrate?

That's it: everything in the box.

No more gizmos in this class.

{\pos(192,210)}They're all going in the drawer
with the biology frogs.

{\pos(192,210)}Okay. We'll call your bluff.

{\pos(192,210)}Teach us: using only
the knowledge in your own head.

Hey, don't worry.



We still have the good old
classroom computer.

Who wants to play Word Jammers?

{\pos(192,210)}My stroked-out grandfather
has more memory than that thing.

{\pos(192,210)}- How is he doing?
- Better. Thanks.

{\pos(192,210)}How could Krabappel
take my cell phone?

{\pos(192,210)}I'm only on month one
of a 60-month plan.

{\pos(192,210)}Krabappel just needs to chill out

{\pos(192,210)}and realize life is cool, but how?

{\pos(192,210)}Okay. Now I'll be the dog,

{\pos(192,210)}and you be the daddy.

{\pos(192,210)}You know, my dad is a lot more fun
after a few beers.

{\pos(192,210)}Maybe Mrs. K would be nicer
if we "Irish up" her coffee.

Put blood in it?

No, booze.

{\pos(192,210)}First the easy part.
Kids, get some liquor.

Hurry! She's almost done flirting
with the vending machine guy.

What if she tastes the booze?

Relax. Hazelnut Creamer
covers all sins.

And that's why I found
Good Night, Gorilla

to be the perfect
summer beach read.

Two stars for you.

And an extra,

'cause you're going
to have a hard life.

This old man, he played one

He played knickknack
on my thumb.

You look tired.

Maybe you need some more coffee.

Dizzy.

You'll be going back to Denmark

Spain and Uruguay

And we promise
that we'll write you

But you know that that's a lie

Hey! You know why
they call it a choir?

Because "choir" we listening
to this crap?

These pantyhose are all twisted up.

Edna, please! Even the union
can't protect you from this.

Give me one night, Dewey.
I'll get you off Broadway.

- Never!
- Edna, let's go.

- Do you think we went too far?
- Nah.

Booze only makes you do things
you already wanted to do.

I'm queen of the world!

I'm so sorry. I really don't know
what happened.

You made quite a nanny goat
of yourself yesterday.

I know I did,
but I don't know why.

This is the hardest thing
I've ever had to do,

but I'm letting you go.

Seymour...

I'm going to cry.

Here. Take my hanky.

I'm working on my magic act
for the Faculty Follies.

But right now,
I don't feel much like follying.

Could I have a moment alone?

Of course.

There's a form to extend
your health insurance on my desk.

I never wanted her to get fired.

I bet it was that hamster medicine
we added

that put her over the edge.

Maybe I should tell Skinner
that it was our...

Needle scratch!

My name is Zachary Vaughn.

I just got my masters in education

from Tufts University,
and you are my first class ever.

An M.E.D. from Tufts?

Nice.

But why talk when I could text?

- Our cell phones!
- Our Blueteeth!

My tip calculator!

That text was totally worth

the 15 cents it cost to receive it.

Then, Zach Skyped us,
live-blogged our spelling bee

and friended us on Facebook.

I thought you were studying
the Lincoln-Douglas debates.

You mean the L Man/D Dog flame wars.

I'm glad you've got
such a stimulating substitute,

but I'm worried about
Mrs. Krabappel.

Oh, no worries.

I heard on the four-square court
she's doing great.

No one even plays
four-square anymore.

They just gossip.

Alright.

Who can tell me
what the Monroe Doctrine was?

The President Monroe said
America has the right as...

Wait.

Are you telling me
you memorized that fact

when anyone with a cell phone
can find it out in 30 seconds?

I've crammed my head
full of garbage!

Yes, you have.

- What are these?
- Those are smiley stickers.

Mrs. Krabappel used to put them
on our papers

as a reward for good work.

I run a paperless classroom.
Check this out.

But...

this is just
nonsense punctuation.

Oh, my God!

Anybody want to return
these caveman kudos

to Mrs. Krabappel?

Uh, sure.
It's sort of on my way home.

I can check up on the old girl.

She probably landed a job at
some fancy-schmancy prep school.

Make way for the new freshman.

Where do I find the books,
the booze and the broads?

Dean, how about a little privacy?

I've got to matriculate.

Door's broken.

Mrs. K, is everything all right?

Sure.

Never better.

I know, Bart.

It's pretty sad to see
your teacher fallen so low.

It's the movie. It's so funny.

Sir, this is a benefit
to increase our endowment.

Honey, if we increase
your endowment any more,

we'll all be in the shade.
Hey, you're all right.

Everyone, dessert's on me.

Sorry, sorry.

Thanks for bringing over
the smiley stickers, Bart.

They really liven the place the up.

You've got to get out of here. When was
the last time you washed your hair?

Two weeks ago?

That's better than me,
but still, you've got to get out.

What's the point?
Out of work, I'm out of money.

No man wants me, except Disco Stu.

Disco Stu is about more
than just disco.

I'm also... super Christian!

Look, there's a big football game
on tonight,

so we can get this thing
over real quick.

Show me some of Bart's artwork,
give me a little false hope,

and here's a little something
to help with his grades.

I'm not asking for A's,
just incompletes.

Mr. Simpson,
I don't need your money.

Bart can definitely be a challenge,

but, I like challenges, and he...

...he's got a wild sense of humor.

Look at this picture he drew.

It will be his last birthday
if he keeps drawing pictures like this.

- What?
- I said, are there any areas

that we, his parents,
can improve upon?

Yes. Just one: relax.

You're clearly a caring father.

You're the first teacher
that ever got me.

Let it out. Let it out.

Keep it in. Keep it in.

Two hot chocolates
with hot fudge boost.

Milhouse...

...we ruined Edna's life.

Maybe we can get her job back.

But we can't lose Zack.

Look at the awesome video
he just e-mailed me.

Check out the multiples
of seven, y'all.

There's got to be
some other way to help Mrs. K.

Maybe we can find an
answer in this bookstore.

Bookstores don't have answers.

They just have creepy guys sitting
in easy chairs at the end of aisle ways.

I ain't paid for Doris
Kearns Goodwin in my life,

and I ain't gonna start now.

Oh, that's some good Doris there.

You're right.

I guess no one's ever written a book

to help a middle-aged
woman turn her life around.

Excuse me.

I believe you boys
are looking for... The Answer.

What's The Answer?

Only the best-selling book,
slash, DVD since the bible.

My life was over.

I'd lost my job,
my husband left me.

I had to sleep
in a kangaroo's pouch.

And then I found...
The Answer.

SECRET DON'T VISIT OUR WEBSITE

The Answer was discovered
by the philosophers of ancient Greece,

who hid it under a rock

where it was discovered
by the knights of King Arthur,

who placed it in a bottle
and set it in the ocean,

where it was found
by Pat Sajak.

{\pos(192,215)}These great men
knew The Answer.

{\pos(192,215)}The Answer is the secret to
achieving your heart's desire.

Learn The Answer,
and change your life.

Available wherever dubious,

quasi-scientific
self-help books are sold.

So, um, you're wearing
the same bathrobe

you were the last time
I was here, huh? That's cool.

Bart, you're a good kid.

You're the only one
who came to see me.

Well, Mrs. K, I have just the book,
slash, DVD for you:

The Answer.

"This book uses
the ancient power of wanting."

That makes absolutely no sense.

Hey. "Just because
we don't understand electricity,

doesn't mean we can't enjoy
its benefits."

But we do understand electricity.

Every positively charged
nucleus is...

Cut it out.
You're not a teacher anymore.

Way to cheer me up, kid.

Look, Mrs. K, I'm a Simpson,

and a Simpson never gives up until
he's tried at least one easy thing.

Let me help you.

So, did you write
your dream on the...

"index card of fate"?

Yes, but it still seems...

stupid.

"I want to own a muffin store"

Great idea!

Now, let's see.

"Break your dream down
into smaller wishes,

then break those down
into wish-able actions."

Bart, this is starting to sound

like one of those loony
self-help books.

Loony? Would a loony self-help
book come with a magic

question mark inside?

All thanks to The Answer!

Well, opening this store
was a lot of work,

but your faith in me
got me through it.

And it looks like you got your own
index card of fate.

- What's your dream?
- Nothing, nothing.

{\pos(192,215)}Well, I'm sure it'll come true.
FLAME VISION

One cran-bran for the Flan-man.

My pleasure.

- What did he want?
- Beats me.

- I just gave him a banana.
- Well, thanks again, Bart.

This store has definitely
turned my life around.

Yup. I'm off the hook now.

What do you mean by that?

Well, I guess I can tell you,

'cause everything worked out
for the best.

Everything?
What everything?

Well, it's funny, really.

I'm the one who put booze
in your coffee and got you fired.

You did what?!

Please don't kill me.

You ruined my life!

It's your fault I have to work
at this stupid muffin store.

But this place was your dream!

My real dream was to be a teacher,
and you got me fired!

Now I'm up to my eyeballs
in debt with this stupid store,

and four more muffin stores
just opened on this block!

But... But you found
The Answer!

No! I wrote a phone number in there!

No matter what you've done,

I always thought there was a spark
of decency in you, Bart Simpson,

but I was wrong.

I never thought
I'd say this to a child,

but you are bad on the inside.

Dad, am I bad on the inside?

No... but the layers of bad
on your surface

go almost all the way to the center.

But you think there's, like,
a kernel of good inside me, right?

Hmm. I don't know.

Kernels are kind of big.

Oh! Listen, I was thinking.

If someone did a really
bad thing to one teacher,

and then did the same bad
thing to another teacher

to get the first teacher her
job back, would it be okay?

When you say teacher,
do you really mean parent?

No, I mean teacher.

Great. Go nuts.

But remember, we never
had this discussion.

What discussion?

The one we just had about you
doing bad things, you stupid kid!

Oh.

So, you see, it was my fault.

I got Mrs. Krabappel drunk.

Then I was gonna do
the same thing to Zack,

but I decided it was better
to just tell the truth.

Bart, you deserve a reward
for telling the truth.

And that reward will be
in the form of a severe punishment.

Doesn't matter, as long
as Edna gets her job back.

Sorry, Bart, but I can't just
get rid of a teacher

if he's doing a good job.

Or an adequate job.

Or just shows up
and doesn't touch anyone.

I hate children!

I hate children!

Children suck!

Children suck!

What the...? Faculty lounge talk
out in the halls?!

I hate children!

I hate children!

You and you and you and you and you!

You are wasting your lives.

Hilary Swank didn't graduate
high school.

She won two Oscars.

And one of them she deserved.

Bart, you said you
didn't get him drunk.

- I didn't. I swear!
- No, he's right.

I mixed a little vodka
in with my Blue Bronco.

Does anybody else want
to ride the indigo pony!

Is there extra credit in it?

Oh, they're gonna eat you alive
at Cal Tech, boy.

Alive!

Oh, yeah!

This place is a prison!

All you kids are screwed!

Kids and vodka!

It's always the good ones
that go crazy the fastest.

Get off me! You can get rid of me,
but you can't get rid of the truth, man!

This school is
a glorified hamster wheel

run by incompetent bureaucrats

who can get you through a test,

but you will fail the test of life!

Children, fingers in your ears
and make the la-la sound.

Every class is a joke.

English-- a joke,
homeroom-- a joke.

Free period-- a joke.

Nutritious
lunch-- a joke!

Only alcohol can make life bearable.

You must drink!
Always drink!

Well, class, I've got
to say I'm glad to be back.

- And there's no hard feelings?
- Nope.

Now, everyone enjoy one
of my yummy muffins.

- But it's stale.
- Eat the muffin.

A simple schoolteacher

found fulfillment
and muffin-based revenge

all thanks to... The Answer.

Transcript :
Forom

Traduction :
Skualler, Robot, Strex & Job22

Synchro : Robot & Job22
Relecture : Machintruc