The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 21, Episode 19 - The Squirt and the Whale - full transcript
After a violent storm, Lisa tries to rally the townspeople and come to the rescue of a beached whale.
Night time.
Hello!
3 DAYS WITHOUT
AN ACCIDENT
COUCH FLEES FAMILY
HIDES IN NEWSPAPER
COUCH WINS BIG GAME
COUCH VISITS NYSE
SOFA SALE
YELLOW FAMILY SEEKS COUCH
ALL IS FORGIVEN
FAMILY REUNITED
WITH COUCH, SITS
In a conflict as old
as pencil and paper,
two mighty armies square off
in a battle
between cross and circle...
Remember my son,
the one who controls the center
controls the board.
I don't understand, Master.
I begin to fear you are too stupid.
I love you, Rome-O!
I love you, Julie-X!
Tic-tac-no!
On July 4,
it's your move.
From the producers of
Duck, Duck Goose,"
Got Your Nose and One Day
in the Life of Ivan Denisovich."
What's going on?
Look at this electric bill!
I'm not made of money!
I'm made of man-meat and a skeleton!
It's time to unplug
these vampire appliances
{\pos(192,215)}that plunge their prongs
into our creamy white outlets
{\pos(192,215)}to quench
their unholy thirst for electrons.
Lamp, computer, Jacob's Ladder...
{\pos(192,215)}What the...
How long has this been running?
{\pos(192,215)}Dad, while I agree
reducing consumption is great,
{\pos(192,215)}it's hard to make permanent changes
in your lifestyle.
Are you calling me fat?
{\pos(192,215)}I am suggesting
you consider cheaper,
alternate sources of energy.
Alternative Energy Expo.
Where there's expos,
there's free Frisbees!
{\pos(192,215)}Let's roll. But we'd better make sure
robbers don't know we're out.
{\pos(192,215)}Come on, let's go.
Who you waiting for?
{\pos(192,215)}Come on.
{\pos(192,215)}Do they think I'm like an idiot?
{\pos(192,215)}I'm going to enjoy
pooping on their carpet.
{\UNFAIR TO EARTH POISONERS}
{\TODAY'S PANEL
GAS, GRASS, OR ASS}
{\... EXPLOITING PETROLEUM,
BIO-FUEL & METHANE}
{\SWICTHGRASS POWER - CORN ETHANOL}
You son of a...
{\ASK ME ABOUT BURP POWER}
{\KID POWER}
Now, on to the next funny booth.
{\pos(192,215)}Solar power is a bright idea!
{\pos(192,215)}Yeah, so is getting a real job.
{\pos(192,215)}Dad!
I found what you're looking for!
{\pos(192,215)}A churro you can eat in the shower?
{\pos(192,215)}Goddag, friendlys.
{\pos(192,215)}Behold to you... wind!
The energy that powers Denmark.
{\pos(192,215)}I'm not usually one
to take the word of a Dane.
{\pos(192,215)}Plus, how can I afford it?
{\pos(192,215)}Well, there are tax credits,
government rebates.
{\pos(192,190)}It will pay for itself
in 12 to 18...
- Months?
- Lifetimes.
{\pos(192,215)}Tie it to my car,
and you got a deal.
Lars, get the twine!
{\pos(192,210)}You will not regret this.
{\pos(192,210)}- I'm starting to regret it already.
- Too late. Lars got the twine.
Dad, you are leading the way
in clean energy.
{\pos(192,215)}I Al-Gored it pretty good.
{\pos(192,210)}Where's my Grammy
for audio book narration?
{\pos(192,210)}It's making our meter run backwards!
{\pos(192,210)}My goodness!
{\It means}We're traveling back in time!
{\pos(192,210)}I can warn President Lincoln
to dump his wife before she goes crazy!
Dad, {\all it means is,}we're just providing power
to the electric company.
That's just great.
{\pos(192,210)}I discover electricity,
and they want to take it from me!
{\pos(192,210)}Hello, local utility?
{\pos(192,210)}You {\greedy}bastards have gouged Homer Simpson
for the last time.
We will cancel your account{\,sir}.
The Simpsons are off the grid.
And so far it's going great.
Gentlemen, tonight's game
is brought to us by something special.
The kite's best friend,
the flag's partner in patriotism,
you've seen cherubs blow it
from map corners...
the wind!
- All right!
- Blow me some sports!
Over the ramparts, we...
Over the ramparts we what?
Don't worry,
I'll go see what's wrong.
What the...
Who turned off the wind?
Dad, if we're really off the grid,
then we won't get power
when the air is still.
I'm not crawling back
to big electricity!
From now on,
the Simpsons are living...
intermittently.
My smoothie is all lumpy!
The wind may have stopped working,
but my brain nev...
... er does.
Check it out, gang.
But, {\Dad, }it defeats the purpose
if you're powering our windmill
with the electricity from Flanders.
This meeting
of your fan club is adjourned!
But we haven't read the minutes
of last week's meeting!
You used to be nicer!
When is my turn over?
Bart, please!
I'm trying to hear Dr. House's
third incorrect diagnosis
before his final correct diagnosis!
Dear Lord,
you've got the wind I need,
I've got the prayers you crave.
Let's make a deal.
Nt's Weather Worriers are
reporting gusts up to 75...
Now we're cookin' with wind!
Homie,
maybe this is too much electricity.
Nothing is ever right for you.
Why can't our house
ever be that bright?
Nothing is ever right for you.
Finally.
Well, the lesson here is...
We're gonna go check out
the wind damage.
Be careful!
If you see a downed power line,
do whatever it is
people are supposed to do
in that situation.
Make it stop! Make it stop!
Look at the cool stuff
that washed up!
Scuba goggles!
Medical waste!
My God!
A beached whale!
Can you believe
that something so mighty
has been rendered so powerless?
I'm gonna have my next birthday
party on this thing.
Ay, caramba.
She's such a beautiful shade
of blue.
I'm going to call you
Bluella the whale.
Check it out!
World's biggest armpit fart.
You just made a powerful enemy!
Come on, everybody!
A whale needs help!
Why should we?
Where was that whale
when my mom moved out?
Whales are mammals like us.
They're sensitive
and deeply intelligent.
Nerd!
I'm going to get real help.
Just try to keep her wet.
Want to learn more about whaling?
Sure!
Want me to "knock it off?"
I'm afraid to answer that.
Never tell a bully you're afraid.
Our wedding china's ruined.
We'll have to eat Thanksgiving dinner
off regular plates like animals.
Mom, Dad,
there's a whale on the beach.
You gotta help me
get her back in the ocean.
All right. Let me get my tool belt.
Man, who are these belts made for,
French super models?
Hurry, Dad, hurry!
Homie, can I talk to you
for a second?
- Sure. Lisa, bring the car around.
- I don't know how to drive.
Haven't you learned anything
from watching Bart drive?
A little.
Homie, I happened to read
about beached whales
in Springfield Geographic.
It usually does not end well.
We can't let Lisa get her hopes up.
Marge, how hard can it be?
We're just rolling it
into the ocean from the beach.
It's not like it's stuck
in the bottom of a well
or in a Mexican prison.
But that would make a great movie.
{\COOL HAND FLUKE}
Lisa is very sensitive.
If something she loves
dies in front of her...
That whale's not gonna die.
We're busting him out of prison,
no matter what you say, Escobar!
God, this thing writes itself.
Coming!
We'll need the town's strongest men
to roll the whale back in the water.
We need a better idea.
We'll have to find
our town's smartest men.
It's hard to believe
anyone in that contest
can be considered smart.
One...
two...
three... tug!
Lisa, sweetheart,
it's almost dinner time.
Why don't you come home?
I'll catch up with you guys
in a little bit.
You know, when I'm sad,
I read something beautiful
and true... poetry.
No, you're gonna like it.
It's about the ocean.
"The world below the brine.
"Forests at the bottom of the sea.
"The branches and leaves...
"Sea-lettuce, vast lichens..."
Wake up, Lis!
They're doing it!
Dorsal straps secured!
Tail clamps in position!
Congratulatory T-shirts
silk-screened and distributed!
Operation "Desert Ocean" is a go!
Let's get this lady fish
into the blue zone!
It was my idea
to put the whale in the water.
Girl, you're going home!
Good-bye, Bluella!
Send me a post card
from Tierra Del Fuego.
Good-bye!
Bluella?
Don't worry, honey.
Right now she's lying on God's beach.
She doesn't like lying on the beach.
She likes being in the ocean.
I'm sorry.
I tried my best.
I know it's {\really}hard when you discover
your dad isn't perfect.
Not perfect? You can say that again.
I'm trying to be a sensitive father,
you unwanted moron!
Lisa, where were we?
Maybe
I should just be alone a little bit.
Of course.
It kills me to see her like that.
And if there's one thing
I can't stand,
it's being killed.
This'll be the biggest dead animal
we ever poked with a stick.
If that flattened squirrel
we poked last week
could only see us now.
Back up, everybody.
But not too much.
You are definitely
gonna want to see this.
So clean, how part of it
just disappears like that?
Citizens, today,
we honor Bluella the whale,
along with the victims
of the Great Whale Explosion.
Could you please stop dynamiting?!
Sorry. I sat on the plunger.
But Bluella will live on among us
as we make use
of every part of her body,
from blowhole to fluke.
{\ABERCROMBIE & FISH}
{\BLUELLA MIST PARFUME
MADE FROM BLUELLA}
{\BLOWHOLE REPUBLIC
WHALEBONE CORSETS}
Behold, I am Captain Kirk
from Star Trek One.
Two.
Five.
Generations.
Boston Legal.
Now, Lisa,
I know you miss your whale.
So I got you a pet
that will never die.
An invisible dog.
Look, he's doing his business.
Not on the rug!
You bad dog!
Stop biting my leg!
That's it.
You're going outside.
Bad dog, stop!
Bluella?
Hey, Lisa.
Just oiling the old door here.
Finally silenced that mournful wail.
I'm not gonna be disappointed again.
They must be Bluella's children!
Hello, whale calves!
Your mother lives on through you!
Run! I mean, swim!
I mean...
Those baby whales are doomed,
just like their mom.
I guess it's just nature's way.
Nature is a toothless, dying hag.
We are gonna save
those whale babies!
Dad? Where did you get that boat?
I'm taking it on a test drive
from the boat store. Get in.
Shark Week just got canceled.
Drop the 'poon!
Come on! Leave me alone!
I'm trying
to save your precious whales!
We're not here to protect the whales.
But to protect the sharks.
Did you know
that over 40 million sharks
are slaughtered every year
to make shark-fin soup?
You like sharks?
Being a true eco-activist
means supporting
every animal's struggle for life.
Except for cockroaches.
Linda, please.
Typical eco-jerks...
using words to talk.
Dad, no!
They're right.
If the only way to save the whales
is to kill another innocent creature,
I can't let you do it.
Sharks, innocent? Please.
Every year, they kill a couple of people
who do a series of stupid things.
A shark's reptilian brain
understands only one thing...
the crime of murder.
Dad! The sharks must think
you're a baby whale.
A baby whale.
My diet is working.
Why couldn't I be eaten
by a giraffe?
That would be fun.
Gently,
bonk the shark on the nose with this.
It'll either make him go away
or eat you quicker.
Maybe the blood
will scare the sharks off.
It's the baby whales' dad!
Thanks, buddy!
Thanks
for not letting me give up, Dad.
I'd do anything
for a sweet, intelligent mammal,
by which I mean you.
Do you think they'll be okay?
Absolutely.
He's young, he's got two cute kids.
He'll be moving in
with a sexy lady octopus in no time.
They'll have to sell their old place.
Too many memories.
But if I'm not mistaken,
there's a little whale-a-puss
on the way.
Tonight let's all draw pictures
of what your father just said.
Hello!
3 DAYS WITHOUT
AN ACCIDENT
COUCH FLEES FAMILY
HIDES IN NEWSPAPER
COUCH WINS BIG GAME
COUCH VISITS NYSE
SOFA SALE
YELLOW FAMILY SEEKS COUCH
ALL IS FORGIVEN
FAMILY REUNITED
WITH COUCH, SITS
In a conflict as old
as pencil and paper,
two mighty armies square off
in a battle
between cross and circle...
Remember my son,
the one who controls the center
controls the board.
I don't understand, Master.
I begin to fear you are too stupid.
I love you, Rome-O!
I love you, Julie-X!
Tic-tac-no!
On July 4,
it's your move.
From the producers of
Duck, Duck Goose,"
Got Your Nose and One Day
in the Life of Ivan Denisovich."
What's going on?
Look at this electric bill!
I'm not made of money!
I'm made of man-meat and a skeleton!
It's time to unplug
these vampire appliances
{\pos(192,215)}that plunge their prongs
into our creamy white outlets
{\pos(192,215)}to quench
their unholy thirst for electrons.
Lamp, computer, Jacob's Ladder...
{\pos(192,215)}What the...
How long has this been running?
{\pos(192,215)}Dad, while I agree
reducing consumption is great,
{\pos(192,215)}it's hard to make permanent changes
in your lifestyle.
Are you calling me fat?
{\pos(192,215)}I am suggesting
you consider cheaper,
alternate sources of energy.
Alternative Energy Expo.
Where there's expos,
there's free Frisbees!
{\pos(192,215)}Let's roll. But we'd better make sure
robbers don't know we're out.
{\pos(192,215)}Come on, let's go.
Who you waiting for?
{\pos(192,215)}Come on.
{\pos(192,215)}Do they think I'm like an idiot?
{\pos(192,215)}I'm going to enjoy
pooping on their carpet.
{\UNFAIR TO EARTH POISONERS}
{\TODAY'S PANEL
GAS, GRASS, OR ASS}
{\... EXPLOITING PETROLEUM,
BIO-FUEL & METHANE}
{\SWICTHGRASS POWER - CORN ETHANOL}
You son of a...
{\ASK ME ABOUT BURP POWER}
{\KID POWER}
Now, on to the next funny booth.
{\pos(192,215)}Solar power is a bright idea!
{\pos(192,215)}Yeah, so is getting a real job.
{\pos(192,215)}Dad!
I found what you're looking for!
{\pos(192,215)}A churro you can eat in the shower?
{\pos(192,215)}Goddag, friendlys.
{\pos(192,215)}Behold to you... wind!
The energy that powers Denmark.
{\pos(192,215)}I'm not usually one
to take the word of a Dane.
{\pos(192,215)}Plus, how can I afford it?
{\pos(192,215)}Well, there are tax credits,
government rebates.
{\pos(192,190)}It will pay for itself
in 12 to 18...
- Months?
- Lifetimes.
{\pos(192,215)}Tie it to my car,
and you got a deal.
Lars, get the twine!
{\pos(192,210)}You will not regret this.
{\pos(192,210)}- I'm starting to regret it already.
- Too late. Lars got the twine.
Dad, you are leading the way
in clean energy.
{\pos(192,215)}I Al-Gored it pretty good.
{\pos(192,210)}Where's my Grammy
for audio book narration?
{\pos(192,210)}It's making our meter run backwards!
{\pos(192,210)}My goodness!
{\It means}We're traveling back in time!
{\pos(192,210)}I can warn President Lincoln
to dump his wife before she goes crazy!
Dad, {\all it means is,}we're just providing power
to the electric company.
That's just great.
{\pos(192,210)}I discover electricity,
and they want to take it from me!
{\pos(192,210)}Hello, local utility?
{\pos(192,210)}You {\greedy}bastards have gouged Homer Simpson
for the last time.
We will cancel your account{\,sir}.
The Simpsons are off the grid.
And so far it's going great.
Gentlemen, tonight's game
is brought to us by something special.
The kite's best friend,
the flag's partner in patriotism,
you've seen cherubs blow it
from map corners...
the wind!
- All right!
- Blow me some sports!
Over the ramparts, we...
Over the ramparts we what?
Don't worry,
I'll go see what's wrong.
What the...
Who turned off the wind?
Dad, if we're really off the grid,
then we won't get power
when the air is still.
I'm not crawling back
to big electricity!
From now on,
the Simpsons are living...
intermittently.
My smoothie is all lumpy!
The wind may have stopped working,
but my brain nev...
... er does.
Check it out, gang.
But, {\Dad, }it defeats the purpose
if you're powering our windmill
with the electricity from Flanders.
This meeting
of your fan club is adjourned!
But we haven't read the minutes
of last week's meeting!
You used to be nicer!
When is my turn over?
Bart, please!
I'm trying to hear Dr. House's
third incorrect diagnosis
before his final correct diagnosis!
Dear Lord,
you've got the wind I need,
I've got the prayers you crave.
Let's make a deal.
Nt's Weather Worriers are
reporting gusts up to 75...
Now we're cookin' with wind!
Homie,
maybe this is too much electricity.
Nothing is ever right for you.
Why can't our house
ever be that bright?
Nothing is ever right for you.
Finally.
Well, the lesson here is...
We're gonna go check out
the wind damage.
Be careful!
If you see a downed power line,
do whatever it is
people are supposed to do
in that situation.
Make it stop! Make it stop!
Look at the cool stuff
that washed up!
Scuba goggles!
Medical waste!
My God!
A beached whale!
Can you believe
that something so mighty
has been rendered so powerless?
I'm gonna have my next birthday
party on this thing.
Ay, caramba.
She's such a beautiful shade
of blue.
I'm going to call you
Bluella the whale.
Check it out!
World's biggest armpit fart.
You just made a powerful enemy!
Come on, everybody!
A whale needs help!
Why should we?
Where was that whale
when my mom moved out?
Whales are mammals like us.
They're sensitive
and deeply intelligent.
Nerd!
I'm going to get real help.
Just try to keep her wet.
Want to learn more about whaling?
Sure!
Want me to "knock it off?"
I'm afraid to answer that.
Never tell a bully you're afraid.
Our wedding china's ruined.
We'll have to eat Thanksgiving dinner
off regular plates like animals.
Mom, Dad,
there's a whale on the beach.
You gotta help me
get her back in the ocean.
All right. Let me get my tool belt.
Man, who are these belts made for,
French super models?
Hurry, Dad, hurry!
Homie, can I talk to you
for a second?
- Sure. Lisa, bring the car around.
- I don't know how to drive.
Haven't you learned anything
from watching Bart drive?
A little.
Homie, I happened to read
about beached whales
in Springfield Geographic.
It usually does not end well.
We can't let Lisa get her hopes up.
Marge, how hard can it be?
We're just rolling it
into the ocean from the beach.
It's not like it's stuck
in the bottom of a well
or in a Mexican prison.
But that would make a great movie.
{\COOL HAND FLUKE}
Lisa is very sensitive.
If something she loves
dies in front of her...
That whale's not gonna die.
We're busting him out of prison,
no matter what you say, Escobar!
God, this thing writes itself.
Coming!
We'll need the town's strongest men
to roll the whale back in the water.
We need a better idea.
We'll have to find
our town's smartest men.
It's hard to believe
anyone in that contest
can be considered smart.
One...
two...
three... tug!
Lisa, sweetheart,
it's almost dinner time.
Why don't you come home?
I'll catch up with you guys
in a little bit.
You know, when I'm sad,
I read something beautiful
and true... poetry.
No, you're gonna like it.
It's about the ocean.
"The world below the brine.
"Forests at the bottom of the sea.
"The branches and leaves...
"Sea-lettuce, vast lichens..."
Wake up, Lis!
They're doing it!
Dorsal straps secured!
Tail clamps in position!
Congratulatory T-shirts
silk-screened and distributed!
Operation "Desert Ocean" is a go!
Let's get this lady fish
into the blue zone!
It was my idea
to put the whale in the water.
Girl, you're going home!
Good-bye, Bluella!
Send me a post card
from Tierra Del Fuego.
Good-bye!
Bluella?
Don't worry, honey.
Right now she's lying on God's beach.
She doesn't like lying on the beach.
She likes being in the ocean.
I'm sorry.
I tried my best.
I know it's {\really}hard when you discover
your dad isn't perfect.
Not perfect? You can say that again.
I'm trying to be a sensitive father,
you unwanted moron!
Lisa, where were we?
Maybe
I should just be alone a little bit.
Of course.
It kills me to see her like that.
And if there's one thing
I can't stand,
it's being killed.
This'll be the biggest dead animal
we ever poked with a stick.
If that flattened squirrel
we poked last week
could only see us now.
Back up, everybody.
But not too much.
You are definitely
gonna want to see this.
So clean, how part of it
just disappears like that?
Citizens, today,
we honor Bluella the whale,
along with the victims
of the Great Whale Explosion.
Could you please stop dynamiting?!
Sorry. I sat on the plunger.
But Bluella will live on among us
as we make use
of every part of her body,
from blowhole to fluke.
{\ABERCROMBIE & FISH}
{\BLUELLA MIST PARFUME
MADE FROM BLUELLA}
{\BLOWHOLE REPUBLIC
WHALEBONE CORSETS}
Behold, I am Captain Kirk
from Star Trek One.
Two.
Five.
Generations.
Boston Legal.
Now, Lisa,
I know you miss your whale.
So I got you a pet
that will never die.
An invisible dog.
Look, he's doing his business.
Not on the rug!
You bad dog!
Stop biting my leg!
That's it.
You're going outside.
Bad dog, stop!
Bluella?
Hey, Lisa.
Just oiling the old door here.
Finally silenced that mournful wail.
I'm not gonna be disappointed again.
They must be Bluella's children!
Hello, whale calves!
Your mother lives on through you!
Run! I mean, swim!
I mean...
Those baby whales are doomed,
just like their mom.
I guess it's just nature's way.
Nature is a toothless, dying hag.
We are gonna save
those whale babies!
Dad? Where did you get that boat?
I'm taking it on a test drive
from the boat store. Get in.
Shark Week just got canceled.
Drop the 'poon!
Come on! Leave me alone!
I'm trying
to save your precious whales!
We're not here to protect the whales.
But to protect the sharks.
Did you know
that over 40 million sharks
are slaughtered every year
to make shark-fin soup?
You like sharks?
Being a true eco-activist
means supporting
every animal's struggle for life.
Except for cockroaches.
Linda, please.
Typical eco-jerks...
using words to talk.
Dad, no!
They're right.
If the only way to save the whales
is to kill another innocent creature,
I can't let you do it.
Sharks, innocent? Please.
Every year, they kill a couple of people
who do a series of stupid things.
A shark's reptilian brain
understands only one thing...
the crime of murder.
Dad! The sharks must think
you're a baby whale.
A baby whale.
My diet is working.
Why couldn't I be eaten
by a giraffe?
That would be fun.
Gently,
bonk the shark on the nose with this.
It'll either make him go away
or eat you quicker.
Maybe the blood
will scare the sharks off.
It's the baby whales' dad!
Thanks, buddy!
Thanks
for not letting me give up, Dad.
I'd do anything
for a sweet, intelligent mammal,
by which I mean you.
Do you think they'll be okay?
Absolutely.
He's young, he's got two cute kids.
He'll be moving in
with a sexy lady octopus in no time.
They'll have to sell their old place.
Too many memories.
But if I'm not mistaken,
there's a little whale-a-puss
on the way.
Tonight let's all draw pictures
of what your father just said.