The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 20, Episode 20 - Four Great Women and a Manicure - full transcript
A series of parodies based on four strong women: Queen Elizabeth, Snow White, Lady MacBeth, and Ayn Rand.
but isn't it more important
for a woman
to be smart and powerful
than beautiful?
A woman can be smart,
beautiful and powerful,
like Queen Elizabeth the First!
She had it all,
except the most important thing.
Please don't say "a man. "
No, a husband!
The year was 1588,
400 years before Kirk Gibson
would hit his famous home run.
Queen Elizabeth ruled
over all of England.
Every eligible bachelor
in Europe
wanted her handin marriage.
Majesty, thy
suitors await.
I don't understand
why I need a king.
So you can
pump out a son,
and then I don't gotta work
for no broad no more....
um... my liege.
Announcing Prince Ralph
of Austria!
Off with my head!
Pass.
King Julio of Spain!
Hello, Queenie baby.
Forget it.
I've seen you making
goo-goo eyes at my court jester.
Well, I like a man
who can make me laugh.
But for you, I'll make
an exception.
Hands off my harlequin!
This is 1588, and his material
is fresh and hip.
You have made
a big mistake, lady!
His Excellency,
Sir Walter Raleigh.
Your Majesty, I have returned
from the New World
with a gift; this healthful
and slimming herb...
tobacco.
Whoo...
Whoa!
If I ever have sex,
this will be great afterwards.
I'll show those
uppity English food-boilers.
What is the status
of my armada?!
A hundred and 20
of the finest killing
machines ever built.
Ooh, not bad.
Not bad at all!
Now take me
to the real ones.
Those are the real ones.
Watch out, England!
(English accent):
No, have mercy, Milord!
(Spanish accent):
Never!
Guards, take him away
and put things
inside of him!
Nice things?
No, not nice things!
Allow me.
Ooh, you have
the strength of a plow horse,
but the charm
of a cart horse!
(both moaning)
Treason!
How dare you make out
under my crenellations
while I make out not?
Don't you know that I love you?!
I've always loved you!
Um, which one of us
are you talking to?
I'm not sure.
Both, neither.
What difference does it make?
Take them to the tower!
Whoa, someone call Beowulf!
Grendel got in again!
Oh, it's you, Your Majesty.
(clears throat) The, uh, the
Spanish armada sails for England.
Armada?
What's armada?
Nothing.
What's armada with you?
(laughs)
Seriously, though,
we're in real trouble here.
Come, Tea Biscuit!
The time of battle
grows nigh.
So, here's us...
and a whole lot of them.
It's probably
a little too early
to be standing
under this.
Lord Jesus, although our country
turned Protestant
for the sole reason that our
fat, mean king could dump
his faithful wife, we know
you're on our side.
So please destroy
these horrible monsters
who believe your mother
should be revered.
Amen.
(shrieks) Abandon ship!
Normally, I love to see flaming
dreamboats heading my way,
but not like this, baby,
not like this!
For destroying
the Spanish Armada,
I dub thee "Sir,"
Sir Walter Raleigh.
And I grant you two my blessing.
Your Majesty,
it's so kind of you
to give up the one man
you truly love.
I don't need a man
for I have England!
Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.
You keep soaking.
We're going to Koo Koo Roo,
which in our language
means nothing.
Lisa, you are going
to look so pretty.
Thank you, but I know a story
of a dangerous obsession
with female beauty.
It's called
Snow White and the Seven...
Excuse me! The story
you're about to tell is
the copyrighted property
of The Walt Disney Corporation.
Can you sharpen these?
Excuse me,
but Snow White is a fairytale
from hundreds of years ago.
No one owns that.
Are there any dwarves
in your story?
Yes, but they're my own
original creation.
There's Crabby...
Drunky...
Hungry!
Greedy!
Lenny!
Kearney!
LISA:
... and Doc... tor Hibbert.
(chuckles)
* Ho-hi! *
* Ho-hi, ho-hi,
it's off to work go I *
* This song's not like any song
you know, ho-hi! *
* Ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi! *
LISA: Little did they know, their lives
were about to be changed
forever
by a wicked queen.
HDTV on the wall,
who's the fairest one of all?
You would do in a pinch,
my Queen,
but Snow White's the fairest
I have seen.
Also, there's a weather girl
on channel nine who's...
(rolls tongue, giggles)
Bring me Snow White's
heart in this box.
What'll I do
with the rest of the body?
Put it in this box.
Then you'll get your reward.
(thunder crashes)
(humming)
Now turtle, I'll need you
to get in the soup.
(chuckles)
(gasping, screaming)
(laughing)
(screams)
I- I-I cannot do it!
Run, lassie!
Find wee little men,
and hide with them!
Now to fool the queen
with a pig's heart.
I- I cannot do it!
(squeals)
Maybe I'll make her a heart
out of construction paper.
I- I-I cannot do it!
Let's see...
gingerbread house...
Grandma's house...
Ah, here we are.
(yawns)
All that walking made me sleepy.
This bed's too hard.
This bed's too soft.
And this bed is just...
like the first one,
also too hard.
I guess I'll sleep
in the one that's too soft.
(yawns)
* Ho-hi, ho-hi,
it's time to now to get high *
* We'll take some shrooms
and go to our rooms... *
There's something
in our house!
Let's put a pickaxe
in its brain!
You're in marketing.
Why do you even bring
an axe?
If you were in marketing,
you'd know.
(door creaks)
She's beautiful!
Hmm, maybe she's been placed
under some kind of a curse.
And all that will wake her
is the kiss of a handsome...
I'm awake!
I'm awake already!
(sighs) Guess it's you and me
again, doorknob.
(makes kissing sounds)
SNOW WHITE:
Good-bye!
Now beware
of the Evil Queen.
She's a master
of disguise.
She could be anyone!
I'll be careful.
(chuckles)
No, no, no,
that's too much!
Go back outside!
(growls sadly)
Who are you?
Care for an apple?
Okay. Um...
I'll take a green one.
No, take the red one.
(both grunting)
Take a bite, dearie!
(muffled gasps)
(laughs)
Uh-oh.
You'll never take me alive!
(sarcastically):
Ooh, herbivores.
I'm so scared.
(screaming)
LISA: So Snow White slept and
waited for her prince to come...
but he never did...
because a woman shouldn't have
to depend on a man.
Snow White was brought back
to life by a lady doctor.
And she lived
happily ever after?
Well, she couldn't indulge in
strenuous activities like handball,
but otherwise
she was fine.
That's nice.
Marge, I need some bribe money!
Well, don't say it
so loud.
All I have are some
dry-cleaning coupons.
Deal.
Thanks, Marge.
But don't forget, there's still
gonna be a civil suit.
(sighs wearily)
Lisa, let me tell you
the story
of a great woman held back
by a not-so-great husband...
Macbeth!
(grunts)
Out, damned spot! Out, I say!
Marge, please,
If you don't like
getting barbecue sauce
out of a leotard,
why did you get
into show business?
Think before you do.
Oh! I wouldn't be stuck
washing costumes
if my husband had a better role.
Well, I may be playing a tree,
but at least I'm getting
my face out there.
Oh...
I thought I was marrying
a man who could play Macbeth.
Hey, there's no way I could
ever be as good as that guy.
Stars, hide your fires.
Let not light see
my black and deep desires.
Mel's like the son Laurence
Olivier and John Gielgud
always wanted, but never had.
But, oh, how they tried.
I think Mel would be happier
as an understudy.
A six-feet-understudy.
You're not
suggesting... murder?
Wouldst thou live a coward
in thine own esteem,
letting "I dare not"
wait upon "I would?"
Whatever you say, sweetie.
Snore. Snore!
Oh, a prop knife.
Out, out, brief candle.
Life's but a walking shadow...
Why does everyone around here
talk that crazy talk?
That "crazy talk" is the work
of the immortal Bard,
William Shakespeare.
Well, if you see him in heaven,
tell him he sucks.
As you all know,
this afternoon, the bone
fell out of Mel's hair
and beat him to death.
Let us observe a moment
of silence. Moment over.
Homer, you got the lead.
Stay, you imperfect speakers.
Tell me more.
Um...
By Sinel's death,
I know I am thane of Glamis...
Uh, To-morrow and to-morrow
and to-morrow...
Today's Tuesday, so that would
make it Friday, and then, uh...
Shakespeare!
You don't even
know your lines!
(in girly voice): Conrad Birdie?
Coming here to Sweet Apple?
That's Bye-Bye Birdie!
Damn it, Morpheus. Not everyone
believes what you believe.
That's the screenplay for
The Matrix Reloaded.
D'oh!
I can't wait
for the reviews.
Tonight the
Springfield Community Playhouse
was bathed in the light
of a brilliant new star...
Dr. Hibbert as Banquo?!
Who the hell is Banquo?
He's the one getting
the good reviews.
Which makes him the next
one you've got to kill.
Wouldn't it be easier
if I just took acting lessons?
Screw your courage
to the sticking-place
and we'll not fail.
That's inspiring.
What's that from?
Bull Durham?
Macbeth!
Mac-who?
(laughing)
(laughing and coughing)
This number is
for emergencies only.
(Dr. Hibbert laughing on phone)
He who laughs last
laughs dead.
"In last night's Macbeth,
"the best performance was
Barney Gumbel as Duncan,
"followed by Duffman as MacDuff,
Lenny Leonard as Lennox,
"Eddie and Lou as the two
soldiers without lines,
then, last and least,
the lead, Homer Simpson. "
Why do they write a new review
of this play every single day?
All I heard was more names of
actors you haven't killed.
Unless you're
not man enough.
No, dear.
I'm a man, dear.
(conga music plays)
* Killing makes me hungry *
* Eating makes me thirsty *
* Drinking makes me sleepy *
Why did he have to kill everyone
in their costumes?
It was you
who killed us.
You!
No, it was Homer!
Your dark ambition guided
his murderous hand.
No. I just encouraged him.
Encouraged by withholding sex!
Sex...
(spooky moaning)
(Marge screaming
and thudding on ground)
(sobbing)
Well, at least
you can't nag me anymore.
That's where you're wrong.
Get out
on that stage!
Ow!
Okay, Homer, it's our
last performance,
you're the only actor
that's still alive,
and there's nobody
in the audience.
This is your moment.
I'll be in my office
going over the books
on my Subway
sandwich franchise.
You call a sandwich
maker an artist,
it's like an
invitation to steal!
A guy's going nani-nooni
bananas in there!
It's my moment.
To-morrow, and to-morrow,
and tomorrow
creeps in this petty pace,
from day to day,
to the last syllable
of recorded time.
And all our yesterdays
have lighted fools
the way to dusty death.
Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow,
a poor player
that struts and frets
his hour upon the stage
and then is heard no more.
(clapping)
Oh, Homie.
You were brilliant.
I knew you could do it.
I knew it.
Now nothing will stop you
from taking on
all of Shakespeare's
greatest roles.
King Lear. Hamlet.
Othello.
Richard The Third.
Henry the Fourth, Part One.
Henry The Fourth, Part Two.
Henry The Fifth.
Titus Andronicus.
(gunshot firing and thudding)
Me having to read all those
plays would be the real tragedy.
Oh!
That's it, three stories.
That's what we always tell.
Looks like Maggie
wants a story, too.
Ooh.
"The Fountainhead. "
Mom, isn't that book the
bible of right-wing losers?
Yeah, but the guy
on the book jacket
is one sexy slice of beefcake.
(purring)
So, anyway, this is
the story of Maggie Roarke,
an architect
who refused to compromise.
Now, children, while I do
traffic school online,
you'll be playing with blocks.
MARGE:
Maggie's genius and creativity
far exceeded
that of the others.
And I'm not just saying
that 'cause I'm her mother.
But her teacher,
Mr. Ellsworth Toohey,
wanted every child to conform.
Banal. Very banal.
Ooh, wonderfully pedestrian.
Oh, this isn't right.
Maggie, dancers
shouldn't kick too high,
and buildings mustn't
reach the sky.
There. Hmm...
Your rubble is still a little
bit higher than the others.
So, let's
just... There.
Welcome to the
real world, baby.
He would not let
Maggie's creativity flower.
* *
Mediocrity rules!
Alright, Maggie.
Today is parent-teacher day,
so I want everyone to see
how uncreative and
beaten-down you've become.
That's right,
you're beaten-down.
Yes, you are.
I don't know how you put up
with all these kids, Toohey.
If I were you, there'd be
a lot of strangled babies.
Now, let' see what your children
have done, shall we?
Don't brace yourselves,
you will believe your eyes.
It...
(gasping)
You will be tried
as a toddler.
Babies and gentlemen
of the jury...
this child's crime
was to remind the rest of us
that we are merely ordinary.
When a blade of grass rises
above the others,
do we applaud it?
No, we cut it down.
I recommend nine time-outs,
served consecutively.
(clearing throat)
Throughout the ages,
the finger painter,
the Play-Doh sculptor,
the Lincoln-logger,
stood alone against
the daycare teacher of her time.
She did not live
to earn approval stickers.
She lived for herself,
that she might achieve things
that are the glory
of all humanity.
These are my terms. I do not
care to play by any others.
And now, if the court
will allow me, it's nap time.
(yawning)
Maggie grew up to be
a world-famous architect.
Her building became one
of the wonders of the world.
And on the very top floor
was a daycare center
where every child was free
to follow their dream.
Because nothing is...
(gasping)
Maggie, get away from there!
Bad baby!
Captioned by Media
Access Group at WGBH access. wgbh. org
* Ho-hi *
* Ho-hi, ho-hi *
* It's time to say good-bye *
* If Disney sues,
we'll claim fair use *
* Ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi *
* Ho-hi, ho-ho *
* There's nothing we won't try *
* We'll get take-out
and the make out *
* We're bi,
we're bi, we're bi, we're bi. *
(song ends)
Shh!
for a woman
to be smart and powerful
than beautiful?
A woman can be smart,
beautiful and powerful,
like Queen Elizabeth the First!
She had it all,
except the most important thing.
Please don't say "a man. "
No, a husband!
The year was 1588,
400 years before Kirk Gibson
would hit his famous home run.
Queen Elizabeth ruled
over all of England.
Every eligible bachelor
in Europe
wanted her handin marriage.
Majesty, thy
suitors await.
I don't understand
why I need a king.
So you can
pump out a son,
and then I don't gotta work
for no broad no more....
um... my liege.
Announcing Prince Ralph
of Austria!
Off with my head!
Pass.
King Julio of Spain!
Hello, Queenie baby.
Forget it.
I've seen you making
goo-goo eyes at my court jester.
Well, I like a man
who can make me laugh.
But for you, I'll make
an exception.
Hands off my harlequin!
This is 1588, and his material
is fresh and hip.
You have made
a big mistake, lady!
His Excellency,
Sir Walter Raleigh.
Your Majesty, I have returned
from the New World
with a gift; this healthful
and slimming herb...
tobacco.
Whoo...
Whoa!
If I ever have sex,
this will be great afterwards.
I'll show those
uppity English food-boilers.
What is the status
of my armada?!
A hundred and 20
of the finest killing
machines ever built.
Ooh, not bad.
Not bad at all!
Now take me
to the real ones.
Those are the real ones.
Watch out, England!
(English accent):
No, have mercy, Milord!
(Spanish accent):
Never!
Guards, take him away
and put things
inside of him!
Nice things?
No, not nice things!
Allow me.
Ooh, you have
the strength of a plow horse,
but the charm
of a cart horse!
(both moaning)
Treason!
How dare you make out
under my crenellations
while I make out not?
Don't you know that I love you?!
I've always loved you!
Um, which one of us
are you talking to?
I'm not sure.
Both, neither.
What difference does it make?
Take them to the tower!
Whoa, someone call Beowulf!
Grendel got in again!
Oh, it's you, Your Majesty.
(clears throat) The, uh, the
Spanish armada sails for England.
Armada?
What's armada?
Nothing.
What's armada with you?
(laughs)
Seriously, though,
we're in real trouble here.
Come, Tea Biscuit!
The time of battle
grows nigh.
So, here's us...
and a whole lot of them.
It's probably
a little too early
to be standing
under this.
Lord Jesus, although our country
turned Protestant
for the sole reason that our
fat, mean king could dump
his faithful wife, we know
you're on our side.
So please destroy
these horrible monsters
who believe your mother
should be revered.
Amen.
(shrieks) Abandon ship!
Normally, I love to see flaming
dreamboats heading my way,
but not like this, baby,
not like this!
For destroying
the Spanish Armada,
I dub thee "Sir,"
Sir Walter Raleigh.
And I grant you two my blessing.
Your Majesty,
it's so kind of you
to give up the one man
you truly love.
I don't need a man
for I have England!
Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.
You keep soaking.
We're going to Koo Koo Roo,
which in our language
means nothing.
Lisa, you are going
to look so pretty.
Thank you, but I know a story
of a dangerous obsession
with female beauty.
It's called
Snow White and the Seven...
Excuse me! The story
you're about to tell is
the copyrighted property
of The Walt Disney Corporation.
Can you sharpen these?
Excuse me,
but Snow White is a fairytale
from hundreds of years ago.
No one owns that.
Are there any dwarves
in your story?
Yes, but they're my own
original creation.
There's Crabby...
Drunky...
Hungry!
Greedy!
Lenny!
Kearney!
LISA:
... and Doc... tor Hibbert.
(chuckles)
* Ho-hi! *
* Ho-hi, ho-hi,
it's off to work go I *
* This song's not like any song
you know, ho-hi! *
* Ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi! *
LISA: Little did they know, their lives
were about to be changed
forever
by a wicked queen.
HDTV on the wall,
who's the fairest one of all?
You would do in a pinch,
my Queen,
but Snow White's the fairest
I have seen.
Also, there's a weather girl
on channel nine who's...
(rolls tongue, giggles)
Bring me Snow White's
heart in this box.
What'll I do
with the rest of the body?
Put it in this box.
Then you'll get your reward.
(thunder crashes)
(humming)
Now turtle, I'll need you
to get in the soup.
(chuckles)
(gasping, screaming)
(laughing)
(screams)
I- I-I cannot do it!
Run, lassie!
Find wee little men,
and hide with them!
Now to fool the queen
with a pig's heart.
I- I cannot do it!
(squeals)
Maybe I'll make her a heart
out of construction paper.
I- I-I cannot do it!
Let's see...
gingerbread house...
Grandma's house...
Ah, here we are.
(yawns)
All that walking made me sleepy.
This bed's too hard.
This bed's too soft.
And this bed is just...
like the first one,
also too hard.
I guess I'll sleep
in the one that's too soft.
(yawns)
* Ho-hi, ho-hi,
it's time to now to get high *
* We'll take some shrooms
and go to our rooms... *
There's something
in our house!
Let's put a pickaxe
in its brain!
You're in marketing.
Why do you even bring
an axe?
If you were in marketing,
you'd know.
(door creaks)
She's beautiful!
Hmm, maybe she's been placed
under some kind of a curse.
And all that will wake her
is the kiss of a handsome...
I'm awake!
I'm awake already!
(sighs) Guess it's you and me
again, doorknob.
(makes kissing sounds)
SNOW WHITE:
Good-bye!
Now beware
of the Evil Queen.
She's a master
of disguise.
She could be anyone!
I'll be careful.
(chuckles)
No, no, no,
that's too much!
Go back outside!
(growls sadly)
Who are you?
Care for an apple?
Okay. Um...
I'll take a green one.
No, take the red one.
(both grunting)
Take a bite, dearie!
(muffled gasps)
(laughs)
Uh-oh.
You'll never take me alive!
(sarcastically):
Ooh, herbivores.
I'm so scared.
(screaming)
LISA: So Snow White slept and
waited for her prince to come...
but he never did...
because a woman shouldn't have
to depend on a man.
Snow White was brought back
to life by a lady doctor.
And she lived
happily ever after?
Well, she couldn't indulge in
strenuous activities like handball,
but otherwise
she was fine.
That's nice.
Marge, I need some bribe money!
Well, don't say it
so loud.
All I have are some
dry-cleaning coupons.
Deal.
Thanks, Marge.
But don't forget, there's still
gonna be a civil suit.
(sighs wearily)
Lisa, let me tell you
the story
of a great woman held back
by a not-so-great husband...
Macbeth!
(grunts)
Out, damned spot! Out, I say!
Marge, please,
If you don't like
getting barbecue sauce
out of a leotard,
why did you get
into show business?
Think before you do.
Oh! I wouldn't be stuck
washing costumes
if my husband had a better role.
Well, I may be playing a tree,
but at least I'm getting
my face out there.
Oh...
I thought I was marrying
a man who could play Macbeth.
Hey, there's no way I could
ever be as good as that guy.
Stars, hide your fires.
Let not light see
my black and deep desires.
Mel's like the son Laurence
Olivier and John Gielgud
always wanted, but never had.
But, oh, how they tried.
I think Mel would be happier
as an understudy.
A six-feet-understudy.
You're not
suggesting... murder?
Wouldst thou live a coward
in thine own esteem,
letting "I dare not"
wait upon "I would?"
Whatever you say, sweetie.
Snore. Snore!
Oh, a prop knife.
Out, out, brief candle.
Life's but a walking shadow...
Why does everyone around here
talk that crazy talk?
That "crazy talk" is the work
of the immortal Bard,
William Shakespeare.
Well, if you see him in heaven,
tell him he sucks.
As you all know,
this afternoon, the bone
fell out of Mel's hair
and beat him to death.
Let us observe a moment
of silence. Moment over.
Homer, you got the lead.
Stay, you imperfect speakers.
Tell me more.
Um...
By Sinel's death,
I know I am thane of Glamis...
Uh, To-morrow and to-morrow
and to-morrow...
Today's Tuesday, so that would
make it Friday, and then, uh...
Shakespeare!
You don't even
know your lines!
(in girly voice): Conrad Birdie?
Coming here to Sweet Apple?
That's Bye-Bye Birdie!
Damn it, Morpheus. Not everyone
believes what you believe.
That's the screenplay for
The Matrix Reloaded.
D'oh!
I can't wait
for the reviews.
Tonight the
Springfield Community Playhouse
was bathed in the light
of a brilliant new star...
Dr. Hibbert as Banquo?!
Who the hell is Banquo?
He's the one getting
the good reviews.
Which makes him the next
one you've got to kill.
Wouldn't it be easier
if I just took acting lessons?
Screw your courage
to the sticking-place
and we'll not fail.
That's inspiring.
What's that from?
Bull Durham?
Macbeth!
Mac-who?
(laughing)
(laughing and coughing)
This number is
for emergencies only.
(Dr. Hibbert laughing on phone)
He who laughs last
laughs dead.
"In last night's Macbeth,
"the best performance was
Barney Gumbel as Duncan,
"followed by Duffman as MacDuff,
Lenny Leonard as Lennox,
"Eddie and Lou as the two
soldiers without lines,
then, last and least,
the lead, Homer Simpson. "
Why do they write a new review
of this play every single day?
All I heard was more names of
actors you haven't killed.
Unless you're
not man enough.
No, dear.
I'm a man, dear.
(conga music plays)
* Killing makes me hungry *
* Eating makes me thirsty *
* Drinking makes me sleepy *
Why did he have to kill everyone
in their costumes?
It was you
who killed us.
You!
No, it was Homer!
Your dark ambition guided
his murderous hand.
No. I just encouraged him.
Encouraged by withholding sex!
Sex...
(spooky moaning)
(Marge screaming
and thudding on ground)
(sobbing)
Well, at least
you can't nag me anymore.
That's where you're wrong.
Get out
on that stage!
Ow!
Okay, Homer, it's our
last performance,
you're the only actor
that's still alive,
and there's nobody
in the audience.
This is your moment.
I'll be in my office
going over the books
on my Subway
sandwich franchise.
You call a sandwich
maker an artist,
it's like an
invitation to steal!
A guy's going nani-nooni
bananas in there!
It's my moment.
To-morrow, and to-morrow,
and tomorrow
creeps in this petty pace,
from day to day,
to the last syllable
of recorded time.
And all our yesterdays
have lighted fools
the way to dusty death.
Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow,
a poor player
that struts and frets
his hour upon the stage
and then is heard no more.
(clapping)
Oh, Homie.
You were brilliant.
I knew you could do it.
I knew it.
Now nothing will stop you
from taking on
all of Shakespeare's
greatest roles.
King Lear. Hamlet.
Othello.
Richard The Third.
Henry the Fourth, Part One.
Henry The Fourth, Part Two.
Henry The Fifth.
Titus Andronicus.
(gunshot firing and thudding)
Me having to read all those
plays would be the real tragedy.
Oh!
That's it, three stories.
That's what we always tell.
Looks like Maggie
wants a story, too.
Ooh.
"The Fountainhead. "
Mom, isn't that book the
bible of right-wing losers?
Yeah, but the guy
on the book jacket
is one sexy slice of beefcake.
(purring)
So, anyway, this is
the story of Maggie Roarke,
an architect
who refused to compromise.
Now, children, while I do
traffic school online,
you'll be playing with blocks.
MARGE:
Maggie's genius and creativity
far exceeded
that of the others.
And I'm not just saying
that 'cause I'm her mother.
But her teacher,
Mr. Ellsworth Toohey,
wanted every child to conform.
Banal. Very banal.
Ooh, wonderfully pedestrian.
Oh, this isn't right.
Maggie, dancers
shouldn't kick too high,
and buildings mustn't
reach the sky.
There. Hmm...
Your rubble is still a little
bit higher than the others.
So, let's
just... There.
Welcome to the
real world, baby.
He would not let
Maggie's creativity flower.
* *
Mediocrity rules!
Alright, Maggie.
Today is parent-teacher day,
so I want everyone to see
how uncreative and
beaten-down you've become.
That's right,
you're beaten-down.
Yes, you are.
I don't know how you put up
with all these kids, Toohey.
If I were you, there'd be
a lot of strangled babies.
Now, let' see what your children
have done, shall we?
Don't brace yourselves,
you will believe your eyes.
It...
(gasping)
You will be tried
as a toddler.
Babies and gentlemen
of the jury...
this child's crime
was to remind the rest of us
that we are merely ordinary.
When a blade of grass rises
above the others,
do we applaud it?
No, we cut it down.
I recommend nine time-outs,
served consecutively.
(clearing throat)
Throughout the ages,
the finger painter,
the Play-Doh sculptor,
the Lincoln-logger,
stood alone against
the daycare teacher of her time.
She did not live
to earn approval stickers.
She lived for herself,
that she might achieve things
that are the glory
of all humanity.
These are my terms. I do not
care to play by any others.
And now, if the court
will allow me, it's nap time.
(yawning)
Maggie grew up to be
a world-famous architect.
Her building became one
of the wonders of the world.
And on the very top floor
was a daycare center
where every child was free
to follow their dream.
Because nothing is...
(gasping)
Maggie, get away from there!
Bad baby!
Captioned by Media
Access Group at WGBH access. wgbh. org
* Ho-hi *
* Ho-hi, ho-hi *
* It's time to say good-bye *
* If Disney sues,
we'll claim fair use *
* Ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi *
* Ho-hi, ho-ho *
* There's nothing we won't try *
* We'll get take-out
and the make out *
* We're bi,
we're bi, we're bi, we're bi. *
(song ends)
Shh!