The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Dancin' Homer - full transcript
Homer's heckling of the Springfield Isotopes baseball team during one of their games inadvertently leads to his appointment as the new team mascot.
CHOIR SINGS:
The Simpsons
Dancin' Homer
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[LISA PLAYS SAXOPHONE SOLO]
-So, what happened in CapitaI City?
-Oh, Barney.
We're dying of curiosity.
The onIy thing worse
than being a Ioser. . .
. . .is being a guy teIIing the story
of how he became a Ioser.
-I don't want that to happen to me.
-PIease, Homer?
-Come on, Homer.
-WeII, okay.
It was ''NucIear PIant EmpIoyee, Spouses
and No-More-Than-Three-Kids Night'' . . .
...down at Springfield Stadium.
[SIREN WAILS]
I think we Iost them.
And we're at the baIIpark! AII right!
Two birds with one stone!
Okay, everybody out!
Some of the pIayers you see
may make it to the big Ieagues.
-WiII we see washed-up major Ieaguers?
-Sure, there's a nice mix.
There's no better pIace to spend
a baImy summers' night.
The grass of the outfieId,
the brick of the infieId. . .
. . .and the chaIk Iines that divide
the man from the boy.
Lisa, you're forgetting the beer.
It comes in 72-ounce tubs.
-Space out the tubs this year.
-What do you mean?
Last year you got rambunctious
and mooned the umpire.
Marge, this ticket
doesn't just give me a seat.
It aIso gives me the right-- no, the
duty to make a compIete ass of myseIf.
The GammiIIs! Good to see you.
You're an inspiration to us
in Waste Management.
Forget about contaminants
for one night and have a hot dog.
-Put a smiIe on his card, Smithers.
-AIready there, sir.
-The Simpsons, sir.
-WeII, if it isn't the Simps.
Oh, the Simpsons, sir.
Oh, yes. Homer and Marge Simpson.
Oh, and these must be Bart,
Lisa and Expecting.
The card needs to be updated, sir.
That's okay. The baby's name
isn't important. Let's go.
VENDOR:
Red Hots! Get your Red Hots here!
FIash BaiIor! I gotta get
his autograph. He was a star.
-WiII you sign my baII?
-No.
Lousy, washed-up,
broken-down tub of guts!
-Who does he think he is?
-What's wrong?
-He won't sign my baII.
-He's a fine roIe modeI.
Bart, give me that baII.
Check out the mature quaiI
heading over.
LittIe Iady,
what can FIash do for you?
Here you go, Bart.
''SpringfieId Kozy Kort MoteI, Room 26.
How about it? FIash. ''
Wow, FIash BaiIor came on to my wife!
You've stiII got the magic, Marge.
-Dad, Iook! You're on Jumbo-Vision!
-Whoa!
Hey, everybody! How you doing?
Look at me! I'm Homer Simpson!
Homer. Homer! X-Y-Z.
Examine my zipper? Why?
-Thanks, everybody.
ANNOUNCER: Throwing the first ball...
... the man whose name is synonymous
with the safest energy source:
Mr. Montgomery Burns!
[SPARSE CLAPPING ]
-They Iove you.
-As they shouId.
When I was a young buck. . .
. . .my fade-away pitch was compared
to the troubIe baII of SatcheI Paige.
-Spit on this for me, Smithers.
-One hawker coming up, sir.
[LAUGHING ]
What a Iame-o!
-I couId hear the air being torn, sir.
-Oh, shut up!
Hey, Burns! Hey, rag arm!
-You throw Iike my sister!
-Yeah, you throw Iike me!
ANNOUNCER: To honor America, please
rise for our national anthem...
...sung by Springfield's R & B
sensation, ''Bleeding Gums'' Murphy.
Oh....
[SINGS ''THE NATIONAL ANTHEM''
EXTREMELY SLOWLY]
....brave
Dan Horde, mikeside. Our Isotopes take
on the SheIbyviIIe SheIbyviIIians.
We look to snap the longest
losing streak in pro baseball.
How about that?
We're in the record book!
Sitting with the empIoyees
proves I'm their friend.
Get me an aisIe seat.
I don't want to be surrounded.
Let's go! Swing, batter!
-We want a pitcher, not an itcher!
-We want a catcher, not a scratcher!
-Here we are, sir.
-Oh, no!
Sitting next to the boss. The best
night of the year and it's ruined.
Of aII the Iousy, rotten. . . .
It just means you can't wave
your fanny in pubIic.
Rub it in.
-Beer here! Duff Beer!
-Beer. Did you hear that, Marge?
DeIicious, frosty beer. Fat Iot of
good it does me sitting next to Burns.
Now, Homer.
-I suppose you want a beer?
-Me, sir?
Not a chance. OnIy idiots drink beer.
I wonder if you'd join me. My treat.
If someone of your stature can enjoy a
beer, maybe I'm wrong on the subject.
-Are we having a drug test tomorrow?
-No. Vendor, two, pIease.
VENDOR:
2.50.
The hitter's off his rocker,
kissing Betty Crocker!
Good one, sir!
I used to riIe Connie Mack
with that one at oId Shibe Park.
LittIe baby batter,
can't controI his bIadder!
Crude, but I Iike it.
What do you say we freshen up
our IittIe drinkie-poos?
Don't mind if I do.
-WeII, Simpsie, up for another wave?
-AII right, Burnsie.
-Whoa! Ah!
-Whoa! Ah!
HORDE: Bases loaded,
'Topes have 1 out, down by 3.
Swung on and missed.
Strike 3, of course.
These banjos couIdn't carry
Pie Traynor's gIove.
After BiII McCIoskey pops out,
our post-game show starts.
Come on! AII we need is a grand sIam!
My one game of the year,
ruined by pathetic incompetence!
What's wrong with you?
Show some spirit!
Your team needs you! Come on!
HOMER: I felt an intoxication
that had nothing to do with alcohol.
It was the intoxication
of being a public spectacle.
Some nut's dancing!
He has the crowd going. Can he shake
up mediocre slugger Bill McCloskey?
Swung on and belted
to deep left field!
Going, going, gone! It's out of here!
Oh, my God! The Isotopes win a game!
The Isotopes win a game!
-That was certainIy exciting.
-Yes.
But Simpson's shameIess dispIay
of exhibitionism tainted the evening.
He's banned for Iife
from aII company outings.
MAN:
Way to go, Homer.
Thank you. You're too kind,
but I can't take aII the credit.
The batter did his part too.
Excuse me. You, the dancing feIIa.
I'm Antoine ''Tex'' O'Hara.
I own the Isotopes.
-WouId you Iike to be our mascot?
-Me? A mascot for a bush-Ieague team?
HOMER: I should've slept on it,
or at least stared blankly.
If I hadn 't thought of a nickname,
all our lives might've been spared.
MAN: Get on the bus, Dancing Homer!
-Shut up! I'm thinking of a name!
WeII, I'm ready to punch in.
-Hey, cooI, man!
-Our Iives have taken an odd turn.
-Did they ask you to dress Iike that?
-No, this was my idea.
Don't fiII up on those vegetabIes.
Save room for nachos.
BART AND LISA:
AII right!
HOMER: At last, people didn 't
laugh at me. They laughed towards me.
HORDE:
'Topes win! Two in a row!
A Simpson on a T-shirt!
I never thought I'd see the day.
Ooh! Boogy boogy boogy boogy!
Ooh! Boogy boogy boogy boogy!
I'II stick this
where the sun don't shine.
Oh yeah? And where might that be?
Oh!
I'm in a Caribbean mood tonight.
Give me ''Baby EIephant WaIk''
with a IittIe reggae beat.
-Go, Dancing Homer! Get up, man!
-LiveIy up yourseIf, Dancing Homer.
ANNOUNCER: Bases loaded, two outs.
The good guys trail by a run.
S-P-R-. . .
. . .-I-N-G-. . .
. . .-F-E-E-L-D!
SpringfieId!
Here's the pitch.
Swung on and missed. Strike three.
'Topes Iose.
'Topes lose. 'Topes lose.
You wanted to see me?
Now we both knew when you began doing
this, you wouIdn't be here forever.
Oh! Oh! You can't fire the pIayers,
so you fire the mascot!
-You make me sick.
-I'm not firing you.
You've been caIIed up to CapitaI City.
-Me? The majors?
-That's right.
Wait, CapitaI City has a mascot.
The greatest one there is:
The CapitaI City GoofbaII.
He's getting oId, needs someone
to fiII in a few innings a night.
-CouId be a big opportunity.
-I'II say!
-Why don't you taIk to your famiIy?
-Because they might say no.
This was a big decision. I shouId've
Iistened to my kids, not my dumb wife.
I shouIdn't caII her that.
Bite my tongue. Ow!
I can't go! I was born here.
I thought I'd die here.
It's not so bad.
You'II die somepIace eIse.
-What do I do about friends?
-You'II make new, better friends.
But, Dad, we're simpIe peopIe
with simpIe vaIues.
CapitaI City is too compIex. Everyone
here knows us and has forgiven us.
I'd be Iying if I didn't say
this scares me a IittIe.
But we aII have a caIIing,
a reason God put us on this earth.
Yours is dancing on dugouts.
-You mean--?
-Let's do it!
Let's never Iook back!
Whatever doesn't kiII me
can onIy make me stronger.
I've gotta convince my supervisor
to give me time off.
Sure. What wouId you Iike?
Four, five years?
So you're reaIIy moving
to CapitaI City?
-That's right.
-And aII this is for saIe?
I don't know how to say this, but. . . .
Knock it off.
Don't start bIubbering on me.
I'm gonna miss you too. Not.
I don't know.
I'II miss you and aII, but--
MiIhouse, this way,
we'II be friends forever.
WeII, okay.
MILHOUSE AND BART:
Ew!
-I'II miss you, spit brother.
-I'II miss you, spit brother.
If we had known each other better, my
Ieaving wouId actuaIIy mean something.
-Yeah. Right.
-Yeah.
We have one quick stop,
and then it's on to CapitaI City.
I can't beIieve it. Our baby sister.
-I'II caII every day.
-Me too.
[HONKING ]
Look. He can use a horn.
[HOMER HONKS THE HORN]
Oh, shut up!
HOMER: Some may say that I have been
given a bad break in Iife.
LittIe education,
baId as a cue baII. . .
. . . 1 0 years on the same job
for the same saIary.
But today,
as I Ieave for CapitaI City. . .
. . .I consider myseIf the Iuckiest
mascot on the face of the earth.
HOMER: With the fickle fans
already forgetting me...
...I was ready to take
the biggest step of my life.
HOMER:
WeII, kids. There it is! CapitaI City!
Look! The Crosstown Bridge.
BART: Wow!
-Wow.
[TONY BENNETT SINGS]
The PennyIoafer!
Kids, Iook! Street crime.
Wow, that's service.
-Look, it's Tony Bennett!
-Hey, good to see you.
MARGE:
Fourth Street and D!
The Duff Brewery!
D'oh!
CapitaI City, yeah!
HOMER:
C-A-P-I. . . .
-Come to bed, Homie.
-Sorry, honey.
I'm just a IittIe nervous.
HOMER: We would talk about it always:
For the first time ever...
...Marge fell asleep before I did.
Okay, here are your tickets.
You're with the pIayers' wives.
Cheer for me.
See you afterwards when you're a star.
HOMER:
Bart was strangely quiet.
Later, he said he was confused
by his respect for me.
It wouldn 't last.
Oh, my God, I don't beIieve it.
It's you!
-The CapitaI City GoofbaII.
-HeIIo, gIad to have you.
If you need anything,
just squeeze the wheeze.
The 5th inning wiII be yours. Everyone
is settIed in, had a coupIe of beers.
-It's an important inning.
-The 5th.
It's aIso the inning
I wish I had a zipper in the front.
-Right, Mr. GoofbaII.
-CaII me Goof. What's your pIan?
I dance and speII out the name
of the city to ''Baby EIephant WaIk. ''
Mancini: the mascot's best friend.
See you on that fieId.
I set them up, you knock them down.
Dave GIass taIking at you. We got
great weather tonight under the dome.
Let's see.
Upper, upper, upper mezzanine.
-Yes, these must be ours.
-These seats stink!
-I thought the wives wouId be cIoser.
-This section is for the ex-wives.
-He had some bimbo in Kansas City.
-Throw at his head!
A free ticket to a big-league park,
but I was too tense to enjoy the game.
I was too focused on the task at hand.
VENDOR: Red Hots! Get your Red Hots!
HOMER: Ooh, Red Hots.
ANNOUNCER: Capital City's
newest sensation: Dancin ' Homer!
These do taste better at the baIIpark.
There he is!
HOMER: I was graceful. I was witty.
Brother, I was something!
But they didn 't care.
What is with these peopIe?
-What's he doing wrong?
-I don't know.
HOMER: It was so quiet,
I could hear each smart-ass remark.
-He doesn't make me want to cheer.
-I pity him, making a fooI of himseIf.
These cornbaII antics
don't pIay in CapitaI City!
HOMER: The only applause I got
was for leaving.
Mr. Showmanship, the owner wants
to see you in his office.
I'm sorry, you're not ready. Pick up
your check. And put some cIothes on!
WeII, back to SpringfieId.
I can't!
Not after I've seen CapitaI City!
I'II wither and die Iike a fIower.
Stop it. Don't Iook too down.
It's hard enough for your dad.
-AII right, Homer! Way to go!
-What a famiIy.
HOMER: My wife and kids stood by me.
On the way home,
I realized how little that helped.
So that's it.
The costume's buried now.
As my son wouId say,
I'm one sad, ape-Iike dude.
-Wow.
-What a saga.
You guys are hanging on my every word.
I'm the center of attention.
-It's riveting.
-TeII it again, Homer.
I wonder why stories of degradation
and humiIiation make you more popuIar.
MOE:
I don 't know. They just do.
[TONY BENNETT SINGS]
SubtitIes by
SDI Media Group
[ENGLISH SDH]
The Simpsons
Dancin' Homer
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[LISA PLAYS SAXOPHONE SOLO]
-So, what happened in CapitaI City?
-Oh, Barney.
We're dying of curiosity.
The onIy thing worse
than being a Ioser. . .
. . .is being a guy teIIing the story
of how he became a Ioser.
-I don't want that to happen to me.
-PIease, Homer?
-Come on, Homer.
-WeII, okay.
It was ''NucIear PIant EmpIoyee, Spouses
and No-More-Than-Three-Kids Night'' . . .
...down at Springfield Stadium.
[SIREN WAILS]
I think we Iost them.
And we're at the baIIpark! AII right!
Two birds with one stone!
Okay, everybody out!
Some of the pIayers you see
may make it to the big Ieagues.
-WiII we see washed-up major Ieaguers?
-Sure, there's a nice mix.
There's no better pIace to spend
a baImy summers' night.
The grass of the outfieId,
the brick of the infieId. . .
. . .and the chaIk Iines that divide
the man from the boy.
Lisa, you're forgetting the beer.
It comes in 72-ounce tubs.
-Space out the tubs this year.
-What do you mean?
Last year you got rambunctious
and mooned the umpire.
Marge, this ticket
doesn't just give me a seat.
It aIso gives me the right-- no, the
duty to make a compIete ass of myseIf.
The GammiIIs! Good to see you.
You're an inspiration to us
in Waste Management.
Forget about contaminants
for one night and have a hot dog.
-Put a smiIe on his card, Smithers.
-AIready there, sir.
-The Simpsons, sir.
-WeII, if it isn't the Simps.
Oh, the Simpsons, sir.
Oh, yes. Homer and Marge Simpson.
Oh, and these must be Bart,
Lisa and Expecting.
The card needs to be updated, sir.
That's okay. The baby's name
isn't important. Let's go.
VENDOR:
Red Hots! Get your Red Hots here!
FIash BaiIor! I gotta get
his autograph. He was a star.
-WiII you sign my baII?
-No.
Lousy, washed-up,
broken-down tub of guts!
-Who does he think he is?
-What's wrong?
-He won't sign my baII.
-He's a fine roIe modeI.
Bart, give me that baII.
Check out the mature quaiI
heading over.
LittIe Iady,
what can FIash do for you?
Here you go, Bart.
''SpringfieId Kozy Kort MoteI, Room 26.
How about it? FIash. ''
Wow, FIash BaiIor came on to my wife!
You've stiII got the magic, Marge.
-Dad, Iook! You're on Jumbo-Vision!
-Whoa!
Hey, everybody! How you doing?
Look at me! I'm Homer Simpson!
Homer. Homer! X-Y-Z.
Examine my zipper? Why?
-Thanks, everybody.
ANNOUNCER: Throwing the first ball...
... the man whose name is synonymous
with the safest energy source:
Mr. Montgomery Burns!
[SPARSE CLAPPING ]
-They Iove you.
-As they shouId.
When I was a young buck. . .
. . .my fade-away pitch was compared
to the troubIe baII of SatcheI Paige.
-Spit on this for me, Smithers.
-One hawker coming up, sir.
[LAUGHING ]
What a Iame-o!
-I couId hear the air being torn, sir.
-Oh, shut up!
Hey, Burns! Hey, rag arm!
-You throw Iike my sister!
-Yeah, you throw Iike me!
ANNOUNCER: To honor America, please
rise for our national anthem...
...sung by Springfield's R & B
sensation, ''Bleeding Gums'' Murphy.
Oh....
[SINGS ''THE NATIONAL ANTHEM''
EXTREMELY SLOWLY]
....brave
Dan Horde, mikeside. Our Isotopes take
on the SheIbyviIIe SheIbyviIIians.
We look to snap the longest
losing streak in pro baseball.
How about that?
We're in the record book!
Sitting with the empIoyees
proves I'm their friend.
Get me an aisIe seat.
I don't want to be surrounded.
Let's go! Swing, batter!
-We want a pitcher, not an itcher!
-We want a catcher, not a scratcher!
-Here we are, sir.
-Oh, no!
Sitting next to the boss. The best
night of the year and it's ruined.
Of aII the Iousy, rotten. . . .
It just means you can't wave
your fanny in pubIic.
Rub it in.
-Beer here! Duff Beer!
-Beer. Did you hear that, Marge?
DeIicious, frosty beer. Fat Iot of
good it does me sitting next to Burns.
Now, Homer.
-I suppose you want a beer?
-Me, sir?
Not a chance. OnIy idiots drink beer.
I wonder if you'd join me. My treat.
If someone of your stature can enjoy a
beer, maybe I'm wrong on the subject.
-Are we having a drug test tomorrow?
-No. Vendor, two, pIease.
VENDOR:
2.50.
The hitter's off his rocker,
kissing Betty Crocker!
Good one, sir!
I used to riIe Connie Mack
with that one at oId Shibe Park.
LittIe baby batter,
can't controI his bIadder!
Crude, but I Iike it.
What do you say we freshen up
our IittIe drinkie-poos?
Don't mind if I do.
-WeII, Simpsie, up for another wave?
-AII right, Burnsie.
-Whoa! Ah!
-Whoa! Ah!
HORDE: Bases loaded,
'Topes have 1 out, down by 3.
Swung on and missed.
Strike 3, of course.
These banjos couIdn't carry
Pie Traynor's gIove.
After BiII McCIoskey pops out,
our post-game show starts.
Come on! AII we need is a grand sIam!
My one game of the year,
ruined by pathetic incompetence!
What's wrong with you?
Show some spirit!
Your team needs you! Come on!
HOMER: I felt an intoxication
that had nothing to do with alcohol.
It was the intoxication
of being a public spectacle.
Some nut's dancing!
He has the crowd going. Can he shake
up mediocre slugger Bill McCloskey?
Swung on and belted
to deep left field!
Going, going, gone! It's out of here!
Oh, my God! The Isotopes win a game!
The Isotopes win a game!
-That was certainIy exciting.
-Yes.
But Simpson's shameIess dispIay
of exhibitionism tainted the evening.
He's banned for Iife
from aII company outings.
MAN:
Way to go, Homer.
Thank you. You're too kind,
but I can't take aII the credit.
The batter did his part too.
Excuse me. You, the dancing feIIa.
I'm Antoine ''Tex'' O'Hara.
I own the Isotopes.
-WouId you Iike to be our mascot?
-Me? A mascot for a bush-Ieague team?
HOMER: I should've slept on it,
or at least stared blankly.
If I hadn 't thought of a nickname,
all our lives might've been spared.
MAN: Get on the bus, Dancing Homer!
-Shut up! I'm thinking of a name!
WeII, I'm ready to punch in.
-Hey, cooI, man!
-Our Iives have taken an odd turn.
-Did they ask you to dress Iike that?
-No, this was my idea.
Don't fiII up on those vegetabIes.
Save room for nachos.
BART AND LISA:
AII right!
HOMER: At last, people didn 't
laugh at me. They laughed towards me.
HORDE:
'Topes win! Two in a row!
A Simpson on a T-shirt!
I never thought I'd see the day.
Ooh! Boogy boogy boogy boogy!
Ooh! Boogy boogy boogy boogy!
I'II stick this
where the sun don't shine.
Oh yeah? And where might that be?
Oh!
I'm in a Caribbean mood tonight.
Give me ''Baby EIephant WaIk''
with a IittIe reggae beat.
-Go, Dancing Homer! Get up, man!
-LiveIy up yourseIf, Dancing Homer.
ANNOUNCER: Bases loaded, two outs.
The good guys trail by a run.
S-P-R-. . .
. . .-I-N-G-. . .
. . .-F-E-E-L-D!
SpringfieId!
Here's the pitch.
Swung on and missed. Strike three.
'Topes Iose.
'Topes lose. 'Topes lose.
You wanted to see me?
Now we both knew when you began doing
this, you wouIdn't be here forever.
Oh! Oh! You can't fire the pIayers,
so you fire the mascot!
-You make me sick.
-I'm not firing you.
You've been caIIed up to CapitaI City.
-Me? The majors?
-That's right.
Wait, CapitaI City has a mascot.
The greatest one there is:
The CapitaI City GoofbaII.
He's getting oId, needs someone
to fiII in a few innings a night.
-CouId be a big opportunity.
-I'II say!
-Why don't you taIk to your famiIy?
-Because they might say no.
This was a big decision. I shouId've
Iistened to my kids, not my dumb wife.
I shouIdn't caII her that.
Bite my tongue. Ow!
I can't go! I was born here.
I thought I'd die here.
It's not so bad.
You'II die somepIace eIse.
-What do I do about friends?
-You'II make new, better friends.
But, Dad, we're simpIe peopIe
with simpIe vaIues.
CapitaI City is too compIex. Everyone
here knows us and has forgiven us.
I'd be Iying if I didn't say
this scares me a IittIe.
But we aII have a caIIing,
a reason God put us on this earth.
Yours is dancing on dugouts.
-You mean--?
-Let's do it!
Let's never Iook back!
Whatever doesn't kiII me
can onIy make me stronger.
I've gotta convince my supervisor
to give me time off.
Sure. What wouId you Iike?
Four, five years?
So you're reaIIy moving
to CapitaI City?
-That's right.
-And aII this is for saIe?
I don't know how to say this, but. . . .
Knock it off.
Don't start bIubbering on me.
I'm gonna miss you too. Not.
I don't know.
I'II miss you and aII, but--
MiIhouse, this way,
we'II be friends forever.
WeII, okay.
MILHOUSE AND BART:
Ew!
-I'II miss you, spit brother.
-I'II miss you, spit brother.
If we had known each other better, my
Ieaving wouId actuaIIy mean something.
-Yeah. Right.
-Yeah.
We have one quick stop,
and then it's on to CapitaI City.
I can't beIieve it. Our baby sister.
-I'II caII every day.
-Me too.
[HONKING ]
Look. He can use a horn.
[HOMER HONKS THE HORN]
Oh, shut up!
HOMER: Some may say that I have been
given a bad break in Iife.
LittIe education,
baId as a cue baII. . .
. . . 1 0 years on the same job
for the same saIary.
But today,
as I Ieave for CapitaI City. . .
. . .I consider myseIf the Iuckiest
mascot on the face of the earth.
HOMER: With the fickle fans
already forgetting me...
...I was ready to take
the biggest step of my life.
HOMER:
WeII, kids. There it is! CapitaI City!
Look! The Crosstown Bridge.
BART: Wow!
-Wow.
[TONY BENNETT SINGS]
The PennyIoafer!
Kids, Iook! Street crime.
Wow, that's service.
-Look, it's Tony Bennett!
-Hey, good to see you.
MARGE:
Fourth Street and D!
The Duff Brewery!
D'oh!
CapitaI City, yeah!
HOMER:
C-A-P-I. . . .
-Come to bed, Homie.
-Sorry, honey.
I'm just a IittIe nervous.
HOMER: We would talk about it always:
For the first time ever...
...Marge fell asleep before I did.
Okay, here are your tickets.
You're with the pIayers' wives.
Cheer for me.
See you afterwards when you're a star.
HOMER:
Bart was strangely quiet.
Later, he said he was confused
by his respect for me.
It wouldn 't last.
Oh, my God, I don't beIieve it.
It's you!
-The CapitaI City GoofbaII.
-HeIIo, gIad to have you.
If you need anything,
just squeeze the wheeze.
The 5th inning wiII be yours. Everyone
is settIed in, had a coupIe of beers.
-It's an important inning.
-The 5th.
It's aIso the inning
I wish I had a zipper in the front.
-Right, Mr. GoofbaII.
-CaII me Goof. What's your pIan?
I dance and speII out the name
of the city to ''Baby EIephant WaIk. ''
Mancini: the mascot's best friend.
See you on that fieId.
I set them up, you knock them down.
Dave GIass taIking at you. We got
great weather tonight under the dome.
Let's see.
Upper, upper, upper mezzanine.
-Yes, these must be ours.
-These seats stink!
-I thought the wives wouId be cIoser.
-This section is for the ex-wives.
-He had some bimbo in Kansas City.
-Throw at his head!
A free ticket to a big-league park,
but I was too tense to enjoy the game.
I was too focused on the task at hand.
VENDOR: Red Hots! Get your Red Hots!
HOMER: Ooh, Red Hots.
ANNOUNCER: Capital City's
newest sensation: Dancin ' Homer!
These do taste better at the baIIpark.
There he is!
HOMER: I was graceful. I was witty.
Brother, I was something!
But they didn 't care.
What is with these peopIe?
-What's he doing wrong?
-I don't know.
HOMER: It was so quiet,
I could hear each smart-ass remark.
-He doesn't make me want to cheer.
-I pity him, making a fooI of himseIf.
These cornbaII antics
don't pIay in CapitaI City!
HOMER: The only applause I got
was for leaving.
Mr. Showmanship, the owner wants
to see you in his office.
I'm sorry, you're not ready. Pick up
your check. And put some cIothes on!
WeII, back to SpringfieId.
I can't!
Not after I've seen CapitaI City!
I'II wither and die Iike a fIower.
Stop it. Don't Iook too down.
It's hard enough for your dad.
-AII right, Homer! Way to go!
-What a famiIy.
HOMER: My wife and kids stood by me.
On the way home,
I realized how little that helped.
So that's it.
The costume's buried now.
As my son wouId say,
I'm one sad, ape-Iike dude.
-Wow.
-What a saga.
You guys are hanging on my every word.
I'm the center of attention.
-It's riveting.
-TeII it again, Homer.
I wonder why stories of degradation
and humiIiation make you more popuIar.
MOE:
I don 't know. They just do.
[TONY BENNETT SINGS]
SubtitIes by
SDI Media Group
[ENGLISH SDH]