The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 19, Episode 9 - Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind - full transcript

Homer goes to Dr. Frink to help him recover his memories from the night before, and he discovers, based on his interpretation of the memories, that Marge is having an affair.

The Simpsons S19E09 (KABF02)
Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind

The capital of montana is not "hannah"

Nobody steals
Willie's breakfast!

I must've really tied one on last night.

No more drinking.

6:00 A.M.

Still early enough to sneak

into bed and pretend I actually

got home at 3:00 A.M.

Huh?

Where's Marge?



Hey, kids, have you
seen your mother?

Or yourselves?

Maggie?!

Has anyone seen anyone?!

Oh, of course,

they must all be taking a family bath.

Without me!

Save some suds for....

Daddy.

Hey, boy know where the family is?

Show me on MapQuest.

Fine. Google Maps.

What's going on?

Why are you attacking me?



Look, if this is about me
eating your heart pills,

they shouldn't have made them
in Good 'N' Plenty colors.

Moe, my family's gone,
my dog hates me,

and I can't remember what happened last night.

Was I here?

Was you ever.

You came in saying you really
needed to forget something;

so mixed you up the
most powerful drink I got

the "Forget-Me-Shot."

A "Forget-Me-Shot?" Never heard of it.

Yeah, that means it worked.

No one ever remembers.

That's why I made this video
to explain the process.

You start with a splash
of Jagermeister...

- then add sloe gin...
- Got that.

- Triple-Sec...
- Right.

- Quadruple-Sec...
- Yeah.

gunk from a dog's eye,

Absolut Pickle...

Mmm, pickle.

...the red stripe from Aquafresh,

and the funniest ingredient...

the venom of the Louisiana Loboto-moth.

Come on, sweetie.

You stir it with a
home pregnancy test

till it turns positive...

And presto :

the Forget-Me-Shot.

Jeez, I don't look like that.

The point is,

this drink is the
ultimate brain bleacher.

One swig wipes out the
last day of your life.

Give me one of those forget-me drinks!

I made a mistake I gotta wipe out.

I was trying to do a
Don Rickles about Arabs,

but it turned into a
Mel Gibson about Mexicans.

Huh?

What the hell am I doing here?

I gotta get back to
the Latin Grammys.

- There he is! Get him!
- Kill him!

Hot-sauce his eyes!

Oh, my God.

Why would I want to wipe out my memory?!

What horrible
thing did I do?!

You don't remember, huh?

There was a domestic disturbance
at your address yesterday.

Chief Wiggum!

I remember seeing you...

What's going on here, Simpson?

Am I gonna need the zip strips?

Everything's fine

cupcakes and sprinkles.

I see.

And how did you get that?

What gives, Simpson?

Giving your wife an Irish kiss?

No, I swear!

It was my fault. I...

I walked into a door.

Walked into a door, huh?

That is the lamest excuse I ever...

All right, door!

You're coming downtown!

Marge had a black eye?

I could never do
something like that.

Could I?

Why don't you ask the person
who filed the complaint?

Not that I am authorized to
release that information...

Flanders!

Fine, it was Flanders.

Now, since you know everything,

who was Jack the Ripper?

The queen's private surgeon!

Flanders, why did you
call the cops last night?

I had to--I heard a hubbub, Bub.

What did I do?!

I can't say for sure,
but as a Christian,

I assume the worst.

What happened in this room?!

If only these walls could talk.

People would pay to come
see my amazing talking walls,

and I could use that money to...

Hey, a memory!

Stop! Homer, please!

My eye!

No, it can't be!

I would never hurt Marge!

I'm a good man!

Yeah, yeah, me too!

You know, doing this
is just confirming a

stereotype for you Mexicans.

I am from Costa Rica!

And I should care because?

Thank goodness you
come to visit me, son!

I can't take one more
minute of this high school

glee club pretending they
don't hate being here.

Oh, what a night

You know I didn't even know her name

But I was never gonna be the same

What a lady
What a night...

You'll eat our cookies,
but you won't look at us!

Dad, I can't remember
what I did last night.

Do you have any idea?

You come to me
for help rememberin'?

That's like asking your
horse to do your taxes,

which I did back in 1998.

I'm afraid I did something

to make Marge and the kids leave me.

Wait.

I know someone who can help you

a doctor who helps people
dig up old memories.

Really?

Oh, that's great, Dad.

How can I ever repay you?

Punch that orderly who takes

sips out of my juice.

Done.

No, wait.

That's the guy that
saved my life.

Memory Recivery Institute
we do not do MRI's

Mr. Simpson, I have built
a device that will enable

you to explore your memories.

The science was easy,

but now I've got the hard part,

coming up with a name.

How about The Deja View-Master?

Uh...

Remembrance of things fast?
Hmm.

The Remembererer?

We don't have to come up with it now.

These wonderful wrinkle-bags
are reliving their

cherished memories of yesteryear.

Ah, my first Christmas.

Such great Chinese food.

This is great!

I'm finally gonna find
out how I ruined my family!

Strap me in, nerd!

To me, "nerd" stands for

Not Even Remotely Dorky,
so thank you.

Thank you for the compliment.

Now you'll feel a slight pinch,

followed by an extremely painful pinch,

signaling that the
spike will begin boring

into your skull three seconds later.

Boring.

Yes, that's right, boring.

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Three, two, one.

What the hell?

Your memory bubble and you

"This bubble allows you to view
any past event from your life."

Ah, it's got that new bubble smell.

Aw, I landed in a pleasant memory.

Look at happy me and playful them.

And we're off!

Now remember-steer into the sculptures.

Snow sculpture contest

Oh, I miss those by gone
days of earlier this week.

But I'm needed in a darker place.

Wha...?

Those squeaks sound like couch springs

grooving to the beat of love!

Hmm?

Homer!

I wasn't expecting you.

Hey, what's going on here?!

Oh, Homer, I didn't want
you to find out this way.

Another man...

with my wife...

in my house...

on top of my TV Guide?!

I got to find out who that guy is,

but I need help.

Someone like Bart,

only smart.

Lisa!

Another me!

You can watch the kids.

Lisa, I'm about to probe the most
shattering moment of my life.

You want to join me?

Might as well.

You're getting this memory mixed
up with a commercial you saw.

With new Synergy Wireless,

night time minutes start at 6:30,

and you get four free d-cast
downloads per month.

Synergy--
it's your call.

It's a beautiful morning

I think I'll go outside for a while...

Yo, Homer, can you take me to when were

ten to see if I can kick your butt?

Bring it on.

You're superior to me in every way!

Well, let's see how you do
against 20-year-old Homer.

What is it you want from me?

Money? Weed? D'oh!

I'll teach you to beat up yester-me!

Dad, you just destroyed
your first kiss.

Who was it with?

Uh... Apu.

Right.

Kids, your mom is
with another man,

and I need you
to help me find out who he is.

Hmm. Is this really something
I should show you kids?

It's okay. We're not really your kids.

We're just representations of
them that you created in your mind.

Really? Then if I created all this,

that means I can have pizza
anytime I want!

Hello. I'd like to order a pizza.

35 minutes?!

Hey, what's going on here?!

See? That's where my memory stops.

Who the heck is that guy?

What if you just moved the bottle?

All right. Let me just
get out of this bubble

smoothly and elegantly.

How can I get my memory to work?

Declarative memory can be broken

into two subsets:

the episodic forms are stored

in the neocortex,

while the semantic ones are...

Oh, can that tuna!

We can get your brain
to work the same way

you always get the TV
to work --by hitting it.

Hey, what's going on here?

Oh, Homer, I didn't want you
to find out this way.

- Duffman!
- Duffman?

Duffman!

The mother of my children

with the reason for my children!

Stop, Homer! Please!

I'm just giving it to your wife.

She is gonna be sore tomorrow.

No!

Your stupid invention made me

realize my life is worthless!

Well, if you can't stand
the neural activity,

stay out of the neural activator!

So I did have butter
nut squash last night.

My wife left me.

I've done horrible things.
My family's gone.

My life is ruined.

Good-bye, cruel world!

And good-bye, Cruller World.

Bye, Homer!

Suicide Bridge
in memory of governor Chester L. Suicide

Are you my guardian angel?

Yes, we are.

Jump and we'll carry you to Heaven.

Hey, aren't trolls supposed
to be under the bridge?

Ha, ha, good-bye.

Come on, what are you waiting for?

We want to see if the splash
reaches the moon.

- Good one.
- Wait a minute.

If killing myself
would make you two happy,

then I'm not gonna do it.

Don't worry about our happiness.

For once, think of yourself.

My life's flashing before my eyes.

A life well-lived.

Until last night.

I guess I'll have
to watch that now.

What's going on here?!

Oh, Homer,

I didn't want you
to find out this way.

We were planning
a surprise party for you.

A surprise party?!

This magic marker's
running out of ink.

I'm sorry your surprise party
was spoiled.

Are you kidding?

The mother of my children

with the reason for my children!

This is gonna be the
greatest party ever!

Oh, yeah!

Duff beer is sponsoring the party,

featuring new Duff Champagne

the beer of champagnes!

Oh, my God!

It's like Christmas in December.
Let's celebrate now.

Stop, Homer! Please!

My eye!

Don't worry, honey.
I'll get you an ice pack.

Where's the ice pack?

I'm just giving it to your wife.

She is gonna be sore tomorrow.

So Marge wasn't cheating on me;

I never hit her; and my family

is throwing me an awesome party.

Thank God I figured it out

before I did anything stupid.

Oh, right.

Oh, my God! I'm not dead!

Homie, this is your party!

This is great!

I must be the first
gullible husband

to overhear snippets
of surprise party planning

and think it was my wife
having an affair.

Keep it up, people.
The night is young!

Um, it's 11:00.

You want to pay for the extra hour?

Okay.

Par-tay, people!

Geez, Homer, I can't believe
your plan actually worked.

What plan?

Your plan to make the surprise party

a surprise again. Remember?

Marge put so much work
into that party.

The least I could do is be surprised.

If only I could forget
what happened today.

I got just the drink
to wipe your mind clean:

the "Forget-Me-Shot."

Fellas, if you got anything you
want to say to Homer

that he'll never remember, say it now.

Blue pants make you look fat.

I've never learned your kids' names.

Your yard is unkempt.

It is obvious you're bald.

Your thighs make noise.

I find your small hands attractive.

I've spit in every drink
I ever served you.

Bottoms up!

The only problem is,

I'm sure to retain some image
of coming home

and finding Duffman.

No doubt I'll misconstrue
that as him

placing a cuckold's horns upon my brow.

And that will make me
want to jump off a...

For the love of God,

make sure the party boat
has a moon bounce.

Okay.

I'm a genius.

But there are still a few things
I don't understand.

Like why did Marge lie to Chief Wiggum

about how she got that black eye?

Because I didn't want him
finding out about the party.

I mean, he's okay,

but you know he'd bring Sarah,

and I just don't care for that woman.

And when you pushed
me off the bridge,

it's 'cause you knew about the party

and wanted to make sure I got here.

Yeah, that must be it.

You know, there's an after-party
at the bottom of the ocean.

This is good for two free drinks.

The only thing that still
doesn't make sense is

why the dog attacked me.

Because you never feed him,

walk him or let him out to pee.

Who's an angry dog?

Who's an angry dog?

Now who wants a beer?

To a man I'm happy to call

my best friend, Homer Simpsno!

Simpson!

Dyslexia, Duffman's secret shame.

Aren't you going to drink?

No, this is a moment
I want to remember.

I remember finding out about you...

Every day my mind is all around you

Looking out from my lonely room

I give my love to you.