The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 18, Episode 22 - You Kent Always Say What You Want - full transcript
After Kent Brockman is fired as a news anchor, he and Lisa use the Internet to expose the Fox News Conspiracy.
Come on, everybody.
Time for the family portrait.
Let's bunch together now.
Here we go.
Move it!
Perfecto.
Everybody smile.
I'm going to set
the automatic timer.
Almost ready.
Here we go.
- Let's get this show on the road, man.
We got things to do.
- Yeah, Dad.
- Okay, here we go.
- Make room for Jumbo.
- What'd you say?
- Nothing.
- All right everybody, squeeze in real tight.
I want to get us all in
the picture this time.
Closer.
Closer!
Okay, hold still.
This is the last picture on the roll.
Praise the Lord.
- Watch your mouth, you little smart-ass.
- Yeah, Bart.
Nothing's going to ruin this one.
The timer's a-ticking.
- Bart's making faces, Dad.
- Bart!
This one's going to be
the Simpsons at our finest.
Smile, look cheerful.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Why, you little...
The Simpsons - 18x22
You Kent always says what you want
Transcript e Sychfix: Supersimo
Revisione: Supersimo
::Italian Subs Addicted::
Kitty cat.
Elmo.
Watering can.
This is a nightmare.
We're getting blown out of the water.
Uh, what can I say?
Maggie and I share a special bond.
School bus?
Bart and Lisa?
Bart and Lisa are
almost home from school,
and we have a dentist appointment
at 3:00. Thanks, Maggie.
We win by forfeit.
The sweetest win there is.
It won't start.
I'll just use Homer's
AAA card.
American Applesauce Association?
We're going to have to run.
There isn't even time to stretch my quads.
My quads!
Every stride is a nightmare!
How you holding up, Maggie?
Nooooo!
Sorry, sorry, sorry!
Hey, Marge.
Oh! Ah! Oh! Oh!
We're gonna make it.
Marge Simpson, I just heard the
most delicious piece of gossip.
Tell me later!
Oh, hi, kids. You're just in time
to go to the dentist.
Dentist? You said we were going to ride
dirt bikes around the cemetery.
Oh, Bart, you fall for
that every six months.
Hey, suckers,
check it out.
Marge is taking me
to ride dirt bikes at the cemetery.
You're going to the dentist, too, Dad.
Why the cemetery, I wondered,
but my dreams were too strong.
Ahhhh...
Mr. Simpson, have you
been flossing regularly?
Absolutely.
All the time.
I go to the floss store and they're like,
"Whoa, there he is again. "
- 'Cause I buy so much floss.
- Let's just get started.
Oh, my God! My gums!
- They hurt so much!
- I haven't started yet.
I know, but a breeze from the window
went in my mouth.
You butcher!
Don't worry, sweetie. I'm sure that man
has some special tooth problem.
I don't even have a special tooth problem!
This is just a routine checkup!
Oh, the bib is choking me!
It's over?
That wasn't so bad.
This tape explains oral hygiene
in a way that's exciting for kids.
The U.S. dental association
presents:
Menace tooth society.
Damn, baby got bacteria.
-You want to stick it to these whiteys?
- Hey, I'm down with OPP...
"Ongoing periodontal problems. "
Break it down.
Hey, you low-life degenerates,
stop illin' with the fillin'.
Luda-Crest.
I'm the enemy of the cavity
Unstoppable like gravity
So brush with regularity
Or you will face calamity
I'll see ya in Atlanta, GA
Dirty, dirty mouth, y'all.
This film is against tooth decay,
but it also kind of glamorizes it.
Mixed signals, hmm...
- This is the greatest movie ever.
- Dad, that's Ludicrous!
- I have a right to my views.
- No! I mean Chris "Ludacris" Bridges,
right here in the dental plaza!
Hey, man, that video was made for a
onetimeonly showing in Canada,
- Understand? Do ya?
- I'm sorry. There must have been some sort of misunder...
Expect a letter from Cap In The Ass
Productions and its head legal counsel,
Ms. Melissa Burlingame!
Peace out!
Here's a free toothbrush.
Keep those teeth clean.
So you're saying I should do your job
for you, at home, for free.
You wish.
Okay, Principal Skinner,
I want you to relax.
Just lie completely at ease
while I administer the nitrous.
I shall.
The dentist will be here in a minute.
He'll know exactly what he's doing.
Don't resist in any way.
- Good afternoon, Principal Stinkface.
- Dr. Bart.
Let's see... According to your charts,
you're due for your annual throat scraping.
Uh-oh, I'm feeling a lot
of cooties down there.
We may need to replace a tooth.
Now rinse.
Finally, I'm going to take an X ray,
so lie perfectly still for 20 minutes.
Don' you love that clean mouth feeling?
Sure do.
- Let's go get ice cream.
- I can't wait to get the freshness out of my mouth.
I'm going to glue my mouth shut
with butterscotch.
Oh. Yay.
- What the hell is a fundae?
- It's a sundae that's fun.
I like that, but I'm on
a bit of a health kick.
So I'll take
the low-fat vanilla...
with the following mix-ins:
Snickles, Gooey Bears, Charlottesville Chew,
Nice 'N' Many, Kat Kit, Herschel's Smooches,
Mrs. Bad Bar, and Mi Dudes.
Cup or cone?
Uh... cone!
Congratulations. You just purchased the one
millionth ice-cream cone sold by this store!
Oh, my God, this is amazing!
Wait, I'm gonna be driving.
I'll go for the cup.
- Dad!
- Fine, cone.
What's this?!
Tonight onSmartline,
a provocative discussion of the Middle East..
will not be featured.
Instead, we'll be talking to a man
who bought an ice-cream cone.
That's me.
Of course that has nothing
to do with the fact
that this station and the ice-cream company
are owned by the same corporation,
but I digress.
All right, let's just get through this.
Mr. Simpson, tell us how it felt
when you bought the fateful treat.
I've never been to war, but I imagine
it feels just like your first kill.
The happiness swept me away!
That hurt like a *******
- What'd I miss?
- Kent Brockman said a horrible swear.
Which one?
Uh, I'll Etch-A-Sketch it for you.
Etch... sketch...
Etch... sketch...
Shake it! Shake it!
It won't come off.
Where's the hammer?
Earlier, on this broadcast I said a word
so vile it should only be uttered
by Satan himself
while sitting on the toilet.
I apologize,
and will make a large donation
to charities that fight teen cursing.
Good night.
Don't seem so mad.
Uh, excuse me, sir. Did you see
my broadcast tonight?
Oh, God, no, I get my news from the Internet
like every other normal person under 70.
Farewell, dinosaur.
No one saw my show.
So, no one heard
my filthy faux pas.
My career is safe.
Well, the important thing is
we got through this crisis together.
That makes us
friends, right?
Uh, hey, look, it's the airport bus.
You should get on it.
Okay.
America West, please.
I can't believe Kent Brockman
got away with it.
Back in my day, TV stars
couldn't say "booby,"
"tushie," "burp," "fanny burp,"
"water closet," "underpants,"
"dingle-dangle,"
"Boston marriage,"
"LBJ," "Titica,"
"hot dog," or "front lumps"!
I'm not sure Brockman's
out of the woods yet.
There are a lot of religious
watchdog groups out there
keeping the world safe from
the horror of free expression.
You mean there are losers who spend all day
watching TV looking for stuff to complain about?
Who'd be lame enough to do that?
Okay, Smallville...
super dog licks himself.
That definitely goes
in the naughty pile.
60 Minutes... Morley Safer has
questionable pants fold.
The L Word...
Used the "L" word.
And now to peruse
the local news.
The happiness
swept me away.
Oh, that hurt like a...
God's least favorite word
uttered on the public airwaves.
"To: Online Christian Soldiers.
Subject: Televised Super Swear."
- Daddy, what are you doing?
- Imploring people I never met
to pressure a government with better
things to do to punish a man who meant
no harm for something nobody even saw.
That's what I'm doing.
- Daddy, we think you need a new mommy.
- First things first.
The Federal Communications
Commission announced today it will launch
a full inquiry into garbage-tongued
anchorman Kent.... Brockman?!
In a related story, Channel Six
will demote Brockman to...
weekend weatherman?!
Dear God, this can't be happening.
It's a glorious day here in Springfield.
Light winds, low humidity.
Now, let's check the five-day forecast.
What the...?!
Even the map thinks
you stink, Kent.
In breaking news,
the FCC has just handed down a record
ten million dollar fine against Channel Six
for Kent Brockman's
shameful swear-nami.
Ten million dollars?! Looks like Newshound,
the Channel Six mascot,
is gonna have to go without
his lazy-eye surgery.
Sorry, boy.
No, I'm over here.
Over here!
I got a treat for you.
Oh!
Now he's gonna starve.
Proud of yourself, Kent?
Kids, your old pal Krusty
has had to make a few cutbacks
because of a huge fine levied
against the station.
That's a bad thing.
Anyway, we can't afford to pay
the voice actors on ltchy and Scratchy,
so I'm doing the voices myself.
Roll it.
I'm a cat walking down
the street, swinging my arms.
Look, a lady made of dynamite!
Wait, I don't know that yet.
How about a smooch?
Kablooey!
Here comes the mouse,
what's-his-name.
That was me that done that.
But it ain't enough, so here's this.
That's what you get for, uh, I don't know,
messing with my wife. And it goes on.
Damn that Brockman!
There are only two rules in TV:
don't swear, and don't whip it out.
It's not rocket science.
- Kent, can we talk?
- I'm not fired, am I?
No, no, this station
stands by its reporters.
Say, what's that powder
in your coffee? Is it cocaine?
No, it's Splenda.
Spare me your slang,
pusher man. You're fired!
Haw, haw!
Your distinguished career is over!
Marge, the couch is lumpy!
That's because you're
sitting on me, you lummox!
- Kent Brockman!
- I invited him to stay with us for a few days.
His career is ruined.
And I was afraid he might commit
you-know-what-icide.
- I'm sorry, Marge, but I won't live
under the same roof
as a member of the liberal media.
You'll have
to excuse him.
He's been watching
a lot of Fox News.
Did you know that every day
Mexican gays sneak into this country
and unplug our brain-dead ladies?
We have to take in
Mr. Brockman.
He wouldn't be in this mess
if you hadn't dumped coffee on his lap.
Oh, sure, put down a simple guy like me,
who works hard and plays by the rules.
- Dad, you barely go to work at all.
- And you're constantly flouting the law.
I'm willing to change my mind
and that makes me great. You can stay.
But you have to give us
an 8X10 for our wall
of Casual Acquaintances
Who Came to Stay For A While.
Apu sang a song.
What are you gonna do?
Can 15 strippers
run their own airline?
Find out tonight
on Fox's newest reality hit, Landing Strip.
Ladies, check out what I can do
with the oxygen masks.
What a great show.
Real people with real problems.
This is Fox News
with the latest liberal outrage.
It seems liberals want
to give NASA
the right to abort space missions
whenever they feel like it.
Liberals... I hate them so much.
One thing I've always wondered,
how can Fox News be so conservative when
the Fox network keeps airing raunchy shows?
They don't fit together.
Liberals hate families.
Liberals...
Liberals...
Liberals...
Liberals...
Liberals...
Fox deliberately runs shows
that will earn them huge fines
which are then funneled through the FCC
straight to the Republican party.
Everybody in the media knows it,
but no one has the guts to say it.
Not true. You've got the guts,
and I've got a web cam.
This time you can
tell the truth.
And swear like a lumberjack
who hacked off a leg. Let's do it.
Whoo-hoo?
Liberals?
Whoo-hoo?
Here we go.
Four, three, two...
Good evening. Thank you
for inviting me into your laps.
Friends, the press and the government are
in bed together in an embrace so intimate
and wrong, they could spoon on a twin
mattress and still have room for Ted Koppel.
Journalists used to questions
the reasons for war
and expose abuse of power.
Now, like toothless babies, they suckle
on the sugary teat of misinformation
and poop it into the diaper
we call the 6:00 news.
Demand more of your government.
Demand more of your press.
Fellow primate, this
is a wake-up call.
Vote out your so-called representatives.
Reject your corporate masters.
Buy nothing. Hug your children.
Love the one you're with.
Look at that rabble-rouser.
He's threatening
our ill-gotten gains.
Galdarn it!
I worked hard to ill-get those gains.
How do we stop him?
I could Dracula bite him.
Actually, Krusty and I've
been working on a plan to take out Brockman.
- You want to start?
- No, why don't you start?
- Oh, but you're so good at starting.
- You really think so?
- Oh, I know so. Go on.
- All right.
Do you think there's something
going on between those two?
To find out, I could turn myself
into a bat and follow them around.
Oh, you couldn't even get
our pizza orders right.
Every order is half this,
half that, it's confusing!
Kent, your righteous political
commentary rocks.
Yeah, you know how many stars out of five
I gave the YouTube of your webcast?
Five!
And I never give five.
It's true, he never does.
- Mr. Brockman, you're a huge hit.
- Really? How wide is the web?
- World.
- Wow.
Kent, we want to offer you
your old job back with a 50% pay increase.
Lisa, close your eyes
for two seconds.
One, two...
I held out as long as I could!
I guess there's just no place
for truth and bravery in today's media.
True, but there's room for
the truth in this household.
Do you want to hear something really bad
Kent told me about the Fox network?
Of course.
Gosh, Dad, your hands are shaking.
I know. 'Cause this one's
really, really bad.
For years now,
Fox has been...
...programming shows that
the whole family can enjoy.
Oh, my God! You don't suppose
they're gonna start...
...entertaing America
with hits like House,
American Idol and
American Idol Results Show.
I'm afraid they might.
But I will not be silenced.
The truth is...
Okay.
What I was going to say was...
Time for the family portrait.
Let's bunch together now.
Here we go.
Move it!
Perfecto.
Everybody smile.
I'm going to set
the automatic timer.
Almost ready.
Here we go.
- Let's get this show on the road, man.
We got things to do.
- Yeah, Dad.
- Okay, here we go.
- Make room for Jumbo.
- What'd you say?
- Nothing.
- All right everybody, squeeze in real tight.
I want to get us all in
the picture this time.
Closer.
Closer!
Okay, hold still.
This is the last picture on the roll.
Praise the Lord.
- Watch your mouth, you little smart-ass.
- Yeah, Bart.
Nothing's going to ruin this one.
The timer's a-ticking.
- Bart's making faces, Dad.
- Bart!
This one's going to be
the Simpsons at our finest.
Smile, look cheerful.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Why, you little...
The Simpsons - 18x22
You Kent always says what you want
Transcript e Sychfix: Supersimo
Revisione: Supersimo
::Italian Subs Addicted::
Kitty cat.
Elmo.
Watering can.
This is a nightmare.
We're getting blown out of the water.
Uh, what can I say?
Maggie and I share a special bond.
School bus?
Bart and Lisa?
Bart and Lisa are
almost home from school,
and we have a dentist appointment
at 3:00. Thanks, Maggie.
We win by forfeit.
The sweetest win there is.
It won't start.
I'll just use Homer's
AAA card.
American Applesauce Association?
We're going to have to run.
There isn't even time to stretch my quads.
My quads!
Every stride is a nightmare!
How you holding up, Maggie?
Nooooo!
Sorry, sorry, sorry!
Hey, Marge.
Oh! Ah! Oh! Oh!
We're gonna make it.
Marge Simpson, I just heard the
most delicious piece of gossip.
Tell me later!
Oh, hi, kids. You're just in time
to go to the dentist.
Dentist? You said we were going to ride
dirt bikes around the cemetery.
Oh, Bart, you fall for
that every six months.
Hey, suckers,
check it out.
Marge is taking me
to ride dirt bikes at the cemetery.
You're going to the dentist, too, Dad.
Why the cemetery, I wondered,
but my dreams were too strong.
Ahhhh...
Mr. Simpson, have you
been flossing regularly?
Absolutely.
All the time.
I go to the floss store and they're like,
"Whoa, there he is again. "
- 'Cause I buy so much floss.
- Let's just get started.
Oh, my God! My gums!
- They hurt so much!
- I haven't started yet.
I know, but a breeze from the window
went in my mouth.
You butcher!
Don't worry, sweetie. I'm sure that man
has some special tooth problem.
I don't even have a special tooth problem!
This is just a routine checkup!
Oh, the bib is choking me!
It's over?
That wasn't so bad.
This tape explains oral hygiene
in a way that's exciting for kids.
The U.S. dental association
presents:
Menace tooth society.
Damn, baby got bacteria.
-You want to stick it to these whiteys?
- Hey, I'm down with OPP...
"Ongoing periodontal problems. "
Break it down.
Hey, you low-life degenerates,
stop illin' with the fillin'.
Luda-Crest.
I'm the enemy of the cavity
Unstoppable like gravity
So brush with regularity
Or you will face calamity
I'll see ya in Atlanta, GA
Dirty, dirty mouth, y'all.
This film is against tooth decay,
but it also kind of glamorizes it.
Mixed signals, hmm...
- This is the greatest movie ever.
- Dad, that's Ludicrous!
- I have a right to my views.
- No! I mean Chris "Ludacris" Bridges,
right here in the dental plaza!
Hey, man, that video was made for a
onetimeonly showing in Canada,
- Understand? Do ya?
- I'm sorry. There must have been some sort of misunder...
Expect a letter from Cap In The Ass
Productions and its head legal counsel,
Ms. Melissa Burlingame!
Peace out!
Here's a free toothbrush.
Keep those teeth clean.
So you're saying I should do your job
for you, at home, for free.
You wish.
Okay, Principal Skinner,
I want you to relax.
Just lie completely at ease
while I administer the nitrous.
I shall.
The dentist will be here in a minute.
He'll know exactly what he's doing.
Don't resist in any way.
- Good afternoon, Principal Stinkface.
- Dr. Bart.
Let's see... According to your charts,
you're due for your annual throat scraping.
Uh-oh, I'm feeling a lot
of cooties down there.
We may need to replace a tooth.
Now rinse.
Finally, I'm going to take an X ray,
so lie perfectly still for 20 minutes.
Don' you love that clean mouth feeling?
Sure do.
- Let's go get ice cream.
- I can't wait to get the freshness out of my mouth.
I'm going to glue my mouth shut
with butterscotch.
Oh. Yay.
- What the hell is a fundae?
- It's a sundae that's fun.
I like that, but I'm on
a bit of a health kick.
So I'll take
the low-fat vanilla...
with the following mix-ins:
Snickles, Gooey Bears, Charlottesville Chew,
Nice 'N' Many, Kat Kit, Herschel's Smooches,
Mrs. Bad Bar, and Mi Dudes.
Cup or cone?
Uh... cone!
Congratulations. You just purchased the one
millionth ice-cream cone sold by this store!
Oh, my God, this is amazing!
Wait, I'm gonna be driving.
I'll go for the cup.
- Dad!
- Fine, cone.
What's this?!
Tonight onSmartline,
a provocative discussion of the Middle East..
will not be featured.
Instead, we'll be talking to a man
who bought an ice-cream cone.
That's me.
Of course that has nothing
to do with the fact
that this station and the ice-cream company
are owned by the same corporation,
but I digress.
All right, let's just get through this.
Mr. Simpson, tell us how it felt
when you bought the fateful treat.
I've never been to war, but I imagine
it feels just like your first kill.
The happiness swept me away!
That hurt like a *******
- What'd I miss?
- Kent Brockman said a horrible swear.
Which one?
Uh, I'll Etch-A-Sketch it for you.
Etch... sketch...
Etch... sketch...
Shake it! Shake it!
It won't come off.
Where's the hammer?
Earlier, on this broadcast I said a word
so vile it should only be uttered
by Satan himself
while sitting on the toilet.
I apologize,
and will make a large donation
to charities that fight teen cursing.
Good night.
Don't seem so mad.
Uh, excuse me, sir. Did you see
my broadcast tonight?
Oh, God, no, I get my news from the Internet
like every other normal person under 70.
Farewell, dinosaur.
No one saw my show.
So, no one heard
my filthy faux pas.
My career is safe.
Well, the important thing is
we got through this crisis together.
That makes us
friends, right?
Uh, hey, look, it's the airport bus.
You should get on it.
Okay.
America West, please.
I can't believe Kent Brockman
got away with it.
Back in my day, TV stars
couldn't say "booby,"
"tushie," "burp," "fanny burp,"
"water closet," "underpants,"
"dingle-dangle,"
"Boston marriage,"
"LBJ," "Titica,"
"hot dog," or "front lumps"!
I'm not sure Brockman's
out of the woods yet.
There are a lot of religious
watchdog groups out there
keeping the world safe from
the horror of free expression.
You mean there are losers who spend all day
watching TV looking for stuff to complain about?
Who'd be lame enough to do that?
Okay, Smallville...
super dog licks himself.
That definitely goes
in the naughty pile.
60 Minutes... Morley Safer has
questionable pants fold.
The L Word...
Used the "L" word.
And now to peruse
the local news.
The happiness
swept me away.
Oh, that hurt like a...
God's least favorite word
uttered on the public airwaves.
"To: Online Christian Soldiers.
Subject: Televised Super Swear."
- Daddy, what are you doing?
- Imploring people I never met
to pressure a government with better
things to do to punish a man who meant
no harm for something nobody even saw.
That's what I'm doing.
- Daddy, we think you need a new mommy.
- First things first.
The Federal Communications
Commission announced today it will launch
a full inquiry into garbage-tongued
anchorman Kent.... Brockman?!
In a related story, Channel Six
will demote Brockman to...
weekend weatherman?!
Dear God, this can't be happening.
It's a glorious day here in Springfield.
Light winds, low humidity.
Now, let's check the five-day forecast.
What the...?!
Even the map thinks
you stink, Kent.
In breaking news,
the FCC has just handed down a record
ten million dollar fine against Channel Six
for Kent Brockman's
shameful swear-nami.
Ten million dollars?! Looks like Newshound,
the Channel Six mascot,
is gonna have to go without
his lazy-eye surgery.
Sorry, boy.
No, I'm over here.
Over here!
I got a treat for you.
Oh!
Now he's gonna starve.
Proud of yourself, Kent?
Kids, your old pal Krusty
has had to make a few cutbacks
because of a huge fine levied
against the station.
That's a bad thing.
Anyway, we can't afford to pay
the voice actors on ltchy and Scratchy,
so I'm doing the voices myself.
Roll it.
I'm a cat walking down
the street, swinging my arms.
Look, a lady made of dynamite!
Wait, I don't know that yet.
How about a smooch?
Kablooey!
Here comes the mouse,
what's-his-name.
That was me that done that.
But it ain't enough, so here's this.
That's what you get for, uh, I don't know,
messing with my wife. And it goes on.
Damn that Brockman!
There are only two rules in TV:
don't swear, and don't whip it out.
It's not rocket science.
- Kent, can we talk?
- I'm not fired, am I?
No, no, this station
stands by its reporters.
Say, what's that powder
in your coffee? Is it cocaine?
No, it's Splenda.
Spare me your slang,
pusher man. You're fired!
Haw, haw!
Your distinguished career is over!
Marge, the couch is lumpy!
That's because you're
sitting on me, you lummox!
- Kent Brockman!
- I invited him to stay with us for a few days.
His career is ruined.
And I was afraid he might commit
you-know-what-icide.
- I'm sorry, Marge, but I won't live
under the same roof
as a member of the liberal media.
You'll have
to excuse him.
He's been watching
a lot of Fox News.
Did you know that every day
Mexican gays sneak into this country
and unplug our brain-dead ladies?
We have to take in
Mr. Brockman.
He wouldn't be in this mess
if you hadn't dumped coffee on his lap.
Oh, sure, put down a simple guy like me,
who works hard and plays by the rules.
- Dad, you barely go to work at all.
- And you're constantly flouting the law.
I'm willing to change my mind
and that makes me great. You can stay.
But you have to give us
an 8X10 for our wall
of Casual Acquaintances
Who Came to Stay For A While.
Apu sang a song.
What are you gonna do?
Can 15 strippers
run their own airline?
Find out tonight
on Fox's newest reality hit, Landing Strip.
Ladies, check out what I can do
with the oxygen masks.
What a great show.
Real people with real problems.
This is Fox News
with the latest liberal outrage.
It seems liberals want
to give NASA
the right to abort space missions
whenever they feel like it.
Liberals... I hate them so much.
One thing I've always wondered,
how can Fox News be so conservative when
the Fox network keeps airing raunchy shows?
They don't fit together.
Liberals hate families.
Liberals...
Liberals...
Liberals...
Liberals...
Liberals...
Fox deliberately runs shows
that will earn them huge fines
which are then funneled through the FCC
straight to the Republican party.
Everybody in the media knows it,
but no one has the guts to say it.
Not true. You've got the guts,
and I've got a web cam.
This time you can
tell the truth.
And swear like a lumberjack
who hacked off a leg. Let's do it.
Whoo-hoo?
Liberals?
Whoo-hoo?
Here we go.
Four, three, two...
Good evening. Thank you
for inviting me into your laps.
Friends, the press and the government are
in bed together in an embrace so intimate
and wrong, they could spoon on a twin
mattress and still have room for Ted Koppel.
Journalists used to questions
the reasons for war
and expose abuse of power.
Now, like toothless babies, they suckle
on the sugary teat of misinformation
and poop it into the diaper
we call the 6:00 news.
Demand more of your government.
Demand more of your press.
Fellow primate, this
is a wake-up call.
Vote out your so-called representatives.
Reject your corporate masters.
Buy nothing. Hug your children.
Love the one you're with.
Look at that rabble-rouser.
He's threatening
our ill-gotten gains.
Galdarn it!
I worked hard to ill-get those gains.
How do we stop him?
I could Dracula bite him.
Actually, Krusty and I've
been working on a plan to take out Brockman.
- You want to start?
- No, why don't you start?
- Oh, but you're so good at starting.
- You really think so?
- Oh, I know so. Go on.
- All right.
Do you think there's something
going on between those two?
To find out, I could turn myself
into a bat and follow them around.
Oh, you couldn't even get
our pizza orders right.
Every order is half this,
half that, it's confusing!
Kent, your righteous political
commentary rocks.
Yeah, you know how many stars out of five
I gave the YouTube of your webcast?
Five!
And I never give five.
It's true, he never does.
- Mr. Brockman, you're a huge hit.
- Really? How wide is the web?
- World.
- Wow.
Kent, we want to offer you
your old job back with a 50% pay increase.
Lisa, close your eyes
for two seconds.
One, two...
I held out as long as I could!
I guess there's just no place
for truth and bravery in today's media.
True, but there's room for
the truth in this household.
Do you want to hear something really bad
Kent told me about the Fox network?
Of course.
Gosh, Dad, your hands are shaking.
I know. 'Cause this one's
really, really bad.
For years now,
Fox has been...
...programming shows that
the whole family can enjoy.
Oh, my God! You don't suppose
they're gonna start...
...entertaing America
with hits like House,
American Idol and
American Idol Results Show.
I'm afraid they might.
But I will not be silenced.
The truth is...
Okay.
What I was going to say was...