The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 18, Episode 21 - 24 Minutes - full transcript

The Simpsons 18x21 (JABF14)
- 24 Minutes -

Previously on 24...

I mean The Simpsons :

Behold...

our new state-of-the-art weapon

in the global war against mis behavior.

CTU...

the Counter Truancy Unit!

I've got something!

Head Hall Monitor
Loves Poneis / Hates Phonies

The sixth-grade security camera
shows three empty desks.



Enhance!

Skinner Stinks

Dehance! Dehance!

Principal / Mama's Boy

I ran the attendance protocols.

Here are your three missing students:

Hmm.

Good work, Database.

We helped.

Whoa.

This is the source
of the stench.

Hey.

Get your own yogurt.

ATM User
Devoted Father of Two



Vile curd.

Simpson, you can take your putrid mess

far out of my sight,

you song-less land whale.

Whoo-hoo!

Business trip!

Simpson!

I'll teach you to make a Poupon "me."

If someone did eat Bart's shorts,

they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage.

Springfield elementary
bake sale
friday 3 p.m,

The school's havinga bake sale today?!

At 3:00?!

- Unemployed.
- I promised them a cake.

I've only got 27 minutes.

The pre-heat is on.

The following takes place
between 2:34 p.m.

and 3:04 p.m.

Or maybe it's a.m.

Whichever one is the morning one,

it's not that one.

Apu, I'm returning a yogurt

I wasn't a hundred percent satisfied with.

Mmm?

Ooh. Oh my God!

If a dead fish and a homeless
person had a baby,

and the baby puked,
and a dog ate the puke,

this smells like the rear end
of that dog!

I'll give you any
yogurt in the store,

just take that thing
with you when you go!

Let's spit in the coffee pots.

I call hazelnut.

Truants moving into the Kwik-E-Mart.

I've got a visual.

Ugh!

That yogurt is toxic.

It's just what
we've been looking for.

Now this crossword's nothin' but swears.

We've got what we need.

Milhouse, bring them in.

Roger that.

And Lisa, if I don't make it back,

there's a letter in my locker
I want you to read.

I already read it.

We've all read it.

Wait, Milhouse,
hold your position.

Something doesn't add up.

Look what the bullies
could have stolen...

Big Chief Rotten Cheeks
Chewing Tobacco...

a take-a-penny tray
with a quarter in it.

So why steal the yogurt?

We have to find out
what they're up to.

Hmm...

Milhouse, change of plan

observe and follow.

Permission to buy
a Hostess fruit pie

to keep my strength up?

Denied.

Hey Milhouse, who are
you spying on?

Those bullies?

Huh?

What about the fat guy?

Hey, lay off.

You're the fat one
of you guys!

I'm bulking up
for football!

I'm still alive.

You call that playing to win?

Mr. Simpson, I'm scared.

This is our life now, Milhouse.

We're Dumpster folk.

I've lost Milhouse.

He'll be somewhat missed.

Who do we send now?

Principal Skinner,

you know we have only one agent

who stands a chance
with those bullies.

My brother.

Lord, give me guidance.

That's right, the Guidance
Department

Detention Room.

Thank you, Mrs. Lord.

Hmm?

All out?

I can't make my famous raisin
sponge-cake without raisins.

Kids love the zing of raisins!

If I help you, I want full
immunity for

all pranks past and future,

and you have to teach
me a swear word

I don't already know.

No deal.

Okay, suit yourself.

It's not like you have any
major events coming up

that the bullies would
want to disrupt.

The bake sale!

Principal Skinner,
as we both know,

but you might need reminding,

the annual bake sale provides
90%

of the school's funding.

Okay, you have a deal,

you conniving little...

Wow, that's a swear?

Used as a noun it is.

Sweet!

Now I'm going to need
some wheels.

Yes, of course.

I think we can wrangle you
a used bicycle.

Do you prefer Schwinn or Huffy?

Bart? Where did he...?

My car keys!

Road kill, burnt hair,
my sister's retainer case,

six weeks of bottled farts,
possum placenta,

sweat from a walk-around Goofy suit.

And finally, T.C.B.Y.

that container of botulized yogurt.

Okay, everyone, masks on.

Gentlemen, we've created
the mother of all stink bombs.

Most satisfactory.

Jimbo, sweetie, I have
to run to the bank.

Are you boys going
to be okay alone?

Put a top on, Mom!

Everyone's seen your implants.

But the doctor said the air will help them...

Just go!

Lookin' good, Carol!

I saw it first!

You are such a liar!

You give that to me!

Must... escape.

Springfield Elementary is about

to be Stinkfield Elementary.

Lisa, they're going to put a
stink bomb in the school.

I might be able to stop them,

but I'll need a schematic of Jimbo's house.

Jimbo drew a couple of pictures
of his house in second grade,

but I can't vouch for their accuracy.

The teacher gave him a frowny-face.

I'm so proud of us.

You got Jimbo.

They're on to you, Jimbo!

Get out of there!

Scram... boiled eggs would be lovely

for breakfast, Mother.

Just go! Quickly!

We're busted!

Thanks, mole.

Now make your split-screen vanish.

Will do!

Ooh!

Damn it, these blue prints are all wrong.

Where's the roller coaster room
and the shark tank?

Ooh.

Huh?

Son of a beach ball, they're gone!

I've got a man down!

Well, not a man.

A very special boy.

Chloe, I need those schematics now!

What? Who is this?

I'm Jack Bauer.

Who the hell are you?

Me? Uh, I'm...

Ahmed Adoody.

Chloe, find out all you can about Ahmed Adoody.

Does anyone there know Ahmed Adoody?

Ahmed Adoody, wealthy Saudi financier.

Disappeared into Afghanistan in the late 90s.

Really?

No, Jack, it's a joke name.

You're being set up.

Damn it!

Now, let's see.

20 minutes at 300 degrees is
the equivalent of

five minutes at...

Let's see...

1,200 degrees.

Now...

to make the folded index card

that goes in front of the cake.

D'oh!

No!

Oh. Pink frosting fixes everything.

Say, is your butt numb from all this vibrating?

Oh, mine is.

Still, I wouldn't describe it as unpleasant.

Well, let's get some shut-eye.

Ooh, it's that bar I like!

Wait here in the car.

Ow!

Okay, this might hurt a little.

No problem.

Oh, sweet mother of Mary!

Okay, Milhouse, what do you want to do?

Well, the school's havinga bake sale.

Old Betsy'll get us there.

We are projecting aneffective stink radius

farther than any of uscan kick a kickball.

Sir, we have to call off this bake sale now!

Yes, yes, yes,we have to do something.

Although,

the basketball hoops have been retracted.

D.J. Fun-times has already cashed his deposit,

and Superintendent Chalmers won't be happy to hear...

I won't be happy tohear what, Seymour?

Um, that, uh, bake sale revenue projections

are through the roof!

I'm very happy to hear that.

You don't know me at all.

We have to find those bullies before the bake sale starts.

Martin, run a top-down search on the school security grid.

Will do, and you chose the perfect person.

The stink bomb!

I can't let anyone see it!

Martin, anything?

I wish.

This is as boring as mainstream cinema.

So true.

Cops. Act natural.

Hello, Officer!

Oh, afternoon, ma'am.

What is it about a woman in a Dumpster?

Wait!

Mr. Simpson!

My cake!

They're gonna wish the bake sale was a nose plug sale.

And it totally isn't.

Teens?

In Willie's hidey hole?

I'll mop up your blood from the inside!

We have a fire alarm in the ventilation room!

I'll check it out.

Skip, skip, skip to my Lou...

Top of the morning, Nelson.

And to you, Martin.

Skip to my Lou, my darling.

Hey, Nelson, what gives?

Martin just skipped past you singing "Skip to my Lou",

and you did nothing.

Can't a guy enjoy a catchy tune?

Ow! Ow!

I'm unclear on what you want!

Is Martin working for Jimbo?

Uh...

Ow!

Yes.

Yes what?

Ow!

Yes, sir.

Lisa, are you on a secure line?

I am.

You're on a Bluetooth cell phone,

the most vulnerable device known to man.

But it looks so cool.

Listen, there's a mole inside CTU.

A mole?!

Yes, a mole.

Now, I don't have much time,

so I'm just gonna come right out and say his name,

so get ready to know his name.

His name is the following: M...

Skip, skip,

skip to my Lou.

Rice Krispie Treats?!

Way to phone it in, Sarah Wiggum.

Excuse me, excuse me, I'm in the sale.

I'm in the sale.

Okay, I kept my end of the deal.

Release my friends.

All here, from Asimov to Zarathustra.

Where's Phobos?!

He's with us now.

We're out of here.

Smell you later.

Three minutes later, to be exact.

What have I done?

Raisin cake.

Who wants raisin cake?

Don't worry, it's not too moist.

Hmm?

Can I have some more money?

I gave you ten dollars.

All the other moms gave their husbands twenty.

Well, all the other husbands

don't come home dirty from fighting.

I had to fight.

Lenny said his dad is Hulk Hogan,

and I know he's not.

Here's five more dollars.

Bart, are you all right?

Bart?!

Hey, I'm fine.
They haven't made

a French horn yet that can hurt me.

Now, I'm sending you a picture of the bomb.

My God.

That's a class-fives tench-dispersal unit.

We have to shortout that fan.

"H.D.W."
What's that?

That's the main valve of the hot dog water

recirculation system.

There's over 30 years of wiener soakings in there.

Lis, you have to release that water.

It's the only wayto short out the fan.

But you and Willie will drown.

Possibly, but I can't risk

Superintendent Chalmers finding out about...

Finding out about what, Seymour?

Um, about how early press coverage of

the bake sale is uniformly positive.

Once again, you have thoroughly misgauged my response.

This is going on your permanent record.

The hot dog water's going to push us into the fan!

And I just sharpened those blades.

Skip to my Lou...my darling.

Bart, I've got an idea.

As you're dying,

jam the blades with your spine.

Keep pitching. I'll be back.

Look!

A window to a child's watery grave!

Don't worry, I'll free the boy.

Damn it! This glass is bulletproof.

There's nothing that can shatter it.

Yes, there is!

Huh?

Ooh, a thermos.

With seven cups of coffee still in it.

Oh, wait, six.

Dad, that's a bomb!

Here! It's yours!

How do I stop it?

Oh, that's convenient.

Thank goodness this crisis was averted.

Nicely done, Lisa.

Hey, what about me?

I almost died, and so did Willie.

Oh, leave me be.

I don't want to live if I have to clean up this mess.

Oh, my special little guy.

I'm so glad you're okay.

Oh, I'm just glad you taste like hot dogs.

Good work, Lisa!

What about me?

Bart Simpson, 12 minutes ago,

you made an annoying prank phone call to me.

All units, move in.

I pulled every single field agent off all other cases

to track you down and bring you to justice.

It was a tough decision,

but I think I made the right call.

It's okay, that was Shelbyville.