The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 17, Episode 7 - The Last of the Red Hat Mamas - full transcript
Marge meets up with a sorority called the Cheery Red Tomatoes,who wear red hats and with whom she has a great time hanging out. However it turns out that some years earlier Mr. Burns reneged on a promise to give them a charity cheque and they mean to get even by robbing him of the Faberge eggs in his safe. Reluctantly Marge goes along with them and, even though they are caught,manages to sneak out one egg by keeping her hair on. Lisa,meanwhile,is charmed when Millhouse woos her in Italian.
(SINGING) The Simpsons
(TIRES SCREECHING)
D'oh!
(SCREAMS)
Ripped By mstoll
QUIMBY: Welcome to the
Mayor's Easter Egg Hunt.
And now my
rarely-seen wife
would like to say
a few words.
Thank you, Joe.
In just a few moments,
the hunt will be opened by our own
rascally referee, Hugs Bunny.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry, kid.
(GRUNTS)
Legally, I'm not
allowed to hug you.
Now begin the hunt!
Joe! You said
your wife was dead!
And you said you graduated
from typing school.
I have trouble
with the space bar.
(CHILDREN CHEERING)
Nelson, those don't
count as Easter eggs.
Yeah. But they count
as breakfast.
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
Ahhh!
It was worth it!
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
Ralph, there's a hole
in your basket.
You're Lisa's brother.
(YELPS)
Hey! Nobody pushes around
my precious bundle of joy!
Oops. Wrong one.
I'll take that!
Too slow, Droolie Joe!
Peek-a-boo,
I steal from you!
(Comma)
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Sir, you
want to set the baby down?
Don't worry.
I just wanna talk.
(GRUNTS)
Silly rabbit,
kicks are for ribs!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(growls)
This house has such
beautiful wainscoting.
(CHUCKLES) Well, Marge, I didn't
know you were into wainscoting.
I read an article about it
at the tire store.
Did you know
it's not named after
someone named
Wayne Scott?
WOMEN; Oh!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(SCREAMING)
You are now in
the mayor's office.
This is the switch the mayor
uses to call his chief of staff.
(SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
That concludes our tour.
(ALL GROANING)
But I'd love it if you'd all
join me for tea in the parlor.
Tea? In the parlor?
You're like all
Easter Bunnies!
Can't take a punch
to the crotch!
Maybe next time
you'll think twice
before you
"volunteer to help children!"
Oh, hey, Marge.
(CHUCKLES) This is
my husband, Homer.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Ladies. Marge, is there
a small rip in my pants?
(ALL GASPING)
Homer, please.
We're about to have tea.
No tea. Security!
(SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh! Everyone, just go!
Way to blow
our tea, Marge.
That's the last refrigerator
magnet calendar you get from me!
We throw those
out anyway.
You lie!
Stop lying!
Hey, goad-lookin'.
Want to snuggle
with Tyrannosaurus Sex?
(GROWLS)
No, I don't!
I'm still upset about
what happened today.
I don't have many friends.
And when I finally start
to make some, you ruin it.
Oh, come on, honey.
You have lots of friends.
There's, uh, Lisa,
and the stove.
Hmph!
Oh, that poor woman.
I'm gonna find her a friend.
Someone cute, athletic,
with a nice laugh.
(CLICKING)
(GASPS) My husband
and my best friend?
(SQUEALS)
(GROANS)
It's a risk I'll have to take.
What'cha looking
for, Lisa?
Summer opportunities.
We're going to twin camp.
(GASPS) Oh, my God!
"Spend a summer in Rome!"
Rome? Founded by
twins by the way.
Hey! Where'd she go?
Oh, well. Let's talk in
our secret twin language.
(BOTH SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Okay, Lisa.
To study in Rome,
an applicant needs
outstanding grades... Check.
Uh-oh. Lisa, it says you have
to speak fluent Italian.
Uh, check.
You speak Italian?
Of course I do.
Why would I say it
if I didn't?
(CHUCKLES)
Flawless logic.
But I am gonna have to ask
you to speak a few phrases
to verify your fluency.
(GASPS)
Though not now because I have a
series of important meetings.
(SIGHS WITH RELIEF)
How's tomorrow for you?
(WHIMPERS) Because
it's terrible for me.
But I'll get back
to you, soon.
(WHIMPERS)
Son, I need to find
a new friend for your mother.
So you're gonna have to
finish the shopping yourself.
We're on Food Stamps?
I wish.
I made these at work.
(HOMER CHUCKLES)
Hmm. I bet she'd be a good friend
for Marge. She looks defeated, too.
Psst! Psst!
(SHOPPING CART SQUEAKING)
Why does every woman I try
to talk to run into cans?
(MAN ON RECORDING
SPEAKING ITALIAN)
MAN ON RECORDING:
I want to rent a small boat.
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
I plan to dump this
body in the ocean.
Huh?
(GASPS)
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
This is what you get
for asking questions!
(GUNSHOTS)
(SHIVERS) Oh!
Arrivederci, ignorance!
Marge, I did it. I found a
woman to be your new friend.
She's waiting
in the living room!
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(CAT YOWLS)
Hmph. I'm going out
for some air!
I bet you can't throw
a cat over the house.
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(CAT YOWLS)
Huh, I was wrong.
MAN: (SINGING) Everybody hurts
Sometimes
(SIGHS)
I guess I'm not
meant to have friends.
(WIND WHOOSHING)
WOMAN: Stop that hat!
(LAUGHS) Whoo!
How about this wind, huh?
I don't know how you keep
your hair so perfect!
Johnson's Water Seal.
(CLANKS)
(LAUGHING)
My name's Tammy.
And these are my friends,
the Cheery Red Tomatoes.
(GASPS) The nationwide
social organization
for women of a certain age?
Yeah. But we don't sit
around watching television
and eating bonbons.
Well, except on
W-bonbon night,
which is every
Tuesday and Thursday.
What are you doing today?
We're gonna have margaritas and
poke gentle fun at our husbands.
Would you like to join us?
Would I? Now let's see.
Homer cut up my wedding dress
to make a badminton net,
which he never uses.
He spent my last
three birthdays in jail.
Called out his bowling
hall's name during sex!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, honey!
Save it for Johnny Fiestas!
ANNOUNCER ON TV: And now, we return
to the Vic Tayback Motel and Casino
in downtown Las Vegas for
Has-Been Celebrity Poker.
As always,
all our celebrities
are playing for charity.
What! I am so out of here!
Wow, Mom!
Great red dress!
For your information,
I am now a junior member
of the Cheery Red Tomatoes.
Marge? In a gang?
(LAUGHS)
What are you gonna do?
Shoot me with a frosting gun?
Seriously,
I would love that.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Oh, you guys
make everything fun!
(GASPS)
That's my Italian tutor.
Oh, hey, Milhouse,
I think Bart's upstairs.
I'm not here for Bart. I'm
here to teach you Italian.
Oh, sure. I get it.
Bart told you
I was taking lessons
so you thought
you'd come over and...
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
That means,
"Please stop and listen."
I'm the tutor
the company sent over.
I'm here to teach you
la lingua di arte e la musica.
You really speak Italian?
Si.
My grandmother, Nana Sofie,
lives in Tuscany.
Since I was a baby, I've spent
two weeks there every summer.
Nana hated English
because in World War II
a G.I. left her with Child.
My Uncle Bastardo.
Nana only spoke
Italian to me.
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
I love you, Nana. Whoa!
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
MILHOUSE: Every time I
spoke English, she hit me.
Ow, that hurt!
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
I'm sorry I'm so stupid.
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
(GROANING)
That's howl learned Italian
and started wetting my bed.
Anyway, what do you say?
Can I be your insegnante?
Okay. If that
means "teacher."
It means
"masculine teacher."
Bye, ladies. You can
text message me anytime.
We already did!
(GASPS)
MARGE: Ooh!
Oh, how cute.
(SNORING)
He tried to stay up,
but he just couldn't make it.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Buongiorno, Millhouse.
Ah, perfetto.
(GIGGLES) Thank you. I've been studying.
I even made flash cards.
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
My efforts!
Oh, Lisa.
You don't learn Italian,
you live Italian!
Come, we ride
to Little Italy.
But first, Hake care of
some classroom business.
Lisa Simpson?
Present.
Let's go.
(ALL SPEAKING ITALIAN)
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
One gelato for,
oh, the pretty girl.
(CHUCKLES)
Ah, Mr. Milhouse,
thank goodness!
Could you translate and help
me buy cheese for my lasagna?
But Luigi,
surely you speak Italian?
(SIGHS) No, l don’t. I only speak,
how you say, fractured English.
That's what my parents
spoke at home.
I had a wonderful
time today.
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
(GIGGLES)
I'm the luckiest boy
in the world!
Don't be in love,
stupid!
(GROANS)
Tammy, I'd never
have the courage
to skydive if it
weren't for you girls.
Thanks, Marge.
And you know, when we land, we've
got a little surprise for ya.
Ooh. Well, now I really
hope my chute opens.
(WIND HOWLING)
Goodbye, cruel world!
Ladies.
Marge Simpson,
we hereby induct you
as a full member
of the Cheery Red Tomatoes.
(APPLAUSE)
I feel a happiness
I've never felt.
I not only have friends,
I have a hat to prove it.
Now Marge, as a full member, you
get to share in all our secrets.
Like our recipe
for mock apple pie.
The secret is it's got
apples in it.
And now we can tell you the
secret plans for our fundraiser.
This year, we're gonna steal one
million dollars from Mr. Burns.
(GASPS) You're joking!
You've gotta be joking!
You're not joking.
Oh, any other surprises?
I'm not a natural redhead.
(GROANS)
I'm sorry. I can't steal.
Not even from Mr. Burns.
Mr. Burns promised
a million dollars
to the Springfield
Children's Hospital.
And then...
Instead of donating
this money,
I'm going to use it
to extend my own life
another 10 minutes.
Smithers?
And the register?
(CROWD BOOING)
Release the hounds!
(DOGS BARKING)
(CROWD SCREAMING)
Why would you bring attack
dogs to a charity event?
I was taking them
to the groomers.
(CHUCKLES)
(nos PANTING)
Who's a stinky dog?
You are.
Michelle's going to work on you today.
Yes, she is.
There are 12 Faberge eggs in his
vault, each worth a small fortune.
We can get them, but we
need your special skills.
When l joined, I never thought
we'd be robbing people.
You said you wanted friends!
And the one thing about friends
is that they stick together!
Especially when they're trying to
pull off a million-dollar heist.
Maybe we were a little too
quick to give you that hat.
Take back the hail
She deserves bare hair!
ALL: Bare hair! Bare hair!
Okay, okay,
okay, I'm in!
You ladies doing
okay down there?
Sorry to wake you,
Stanley.
Don't let us down,
newbie.
ANNOUNCER ON TV: Welcome back to Fox
Sports West II Classic Fox Sports Fox.
Hey, Marge,
where are you going?
Oh, heh...
Well, I'm... (STAMMERS)
Bird watching.
Wait a minute.
If she's going bird watching,
why did she leave our
Peterson's Field Guide to Birds
on the kitchen counter?
(GASPS)
Roadrunners are real!
(SINGING) Milhouse is teaching
me to speak so prettily
I'll quip so wittily
when I'm in Italy
(SIGHS)
(GASPS) Milhouse,
just what is going on?
Run along, Angelique.
But not too fast, huh?
(GROWLS)
Lisa, Lisa,
she is the appetizer,
but you are
the main course!
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
Lisa! You're speaking
perfect Italian!
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
(LISA SHOUTING IN ITALIAN)
(MILHOUSE GROANING)
Now let's see
what Marge is up to.
(HOMER READING)
(GASPS)
(READING)
That's Mr. Burns' mansion!
Remind me, Smithers,
while we're out,
I need to get
my eyes re-balled
and my brain
flushed outwith vinegar.
Yes, sir. Oh, and your knees will
be back from the shop tomorrow.
Excellent.
Okay, Marge. You're the only
one of us skinny enough
to squeeze through
this vent.
That's my special skill?
Well, what'd you think?
You're a master of disguise?
Not with that 'do.
I thought
you liked my hair.
It's all right.
I've gotta stop
Marge from doing
something reckless
and irresponsible!
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Lou, we better go
after him.
Eddie, you direct traffic.
You're the graceful one.
You got it, Chief.
CLANCY: Look at him
tease that Subaru.
And that guy can't find a girlfriend.
I'll never figure it out.
I got the combination
from Burns
after I let him feel me
up during the Depression.
Zero to the right, zero to
the left, (DIAL CLICKING)
back to zero.
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
Marge, l wanted to save you from the cops.
But the cops followed me!
Game over, man!
Game over!
So are you gonna introduce
me to your friends?
Don't worry, Mr. Burns. We'll
get to the bottom of this.
Excuse me, Lou.
I'm supposed to say that.
Acting like the chief
doesn't make you the chief.
If I was acting like the
chief, I'd need size 58 pants.
Oh, here we go
with the fat jokes.
You know, I just wish you
could hit the easy targets
on the firing range
so well.
Oh, Lou, why do we
hurt each other so?
Because sometimes
it's easier to be cruel
than to say what
you really feel.
Permission to hug, Chief?
Permission (SOBS) granted.
Granted, Lou!
Thank you, Chief!
Oh, enough!
While you morons
are canoodling,
someone's burgling
my miscellanea.
(GUNSHOT)
Try to take my eggs,
will you?
Well, this rooster
has a beak.
A beak which calls out
death-a-doodle-doo.
Why, you're all women.
I'm not.
I suppose. But you're
certainly buxom and flirty.
Oh, well, l try to
have a good time.
All I wanted to do
was join a group
of women who wore
the same outfits!
(CRYING)
(ALL CRYING)
(SIGHS)
Oh, no jury on earth
would convict
a bunch of
moist-eyed mothers.
I'll tell you
what, ladies.
Give me my eggs back
and I'll let you go.
(SOBS)
And tell me I'm not fat!
(SCOFFS)
Well, I guess our
fundraiser was a failure.
Don't be so sure.
Ah, Marge, I love you.
But to be safe,
sweetie, I don't think
we can ever see
each other again.
I'll really
miss you guys.
I'll never forget the three
activities we did together.
(SNIFFLES)
Listen, Marge.
No matter where you go
in this life,
you'll always have
one friend
who loves you,
body and soul.
And Marge,
there are certain things
I can do for you that
no other friend can.
Special things.
(CHUCKLES)
Wow, this is special.
(THUDS)
I can't believe this
happened to me twice!
Ripped By mstoll
(TIRES SCREECHING)
D'oh!
(SCREAMS)
Ripped By mstoll
QUIMBY: Welcome to the
Mayor's Easter Egg Hunt.
And now my
rarely-seen wife
would like to say
a few words.
Thank you, Joe.
In just a few moments,
the hunt will be opened by our own
rascally referee, Hugs Bunny.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry, kid.
(GRUNTS)
Legally, I'm not
allowed to hug you.
Now begin the hunt!
Joe! You said
your wife was dead!
And you said you graduated
from typing school.
I have trouble
with the space bar.
(CHILDREN CHEERING)
Nelson, those don't
count as Easter eggs.
Yeah. But they count
as breakfast.
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
Ahhh!
It was worth it!
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
Ralph, there's a hole
in your basket.
You're Lisa's brother.
(YELPS)
Hey! Nobody pushes around
my precious bundle of joy!
Oops. Wrong one.
I'll take that!
Too slow, Droolie Joe!
Peek-a-boo,
I steal from you!
(Comma)
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Sir, you
want to set the baby down?
Don't worry.
I just wanna talk.
(GRUNTS)
Silly rabbit,
kicks are for ribs!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(growls)
This house has such
beautiful wainscoting.
(CHUCKLES) Well, Marge, I didn't
know you were into wainscoting.
I read an article about it
at the tire store.
Did you know
it's not named after
someone named
Wayne Scott?
WOMEN; Oh!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(SCREAMING)
You are now in
the mayor's office.
This is the switch the mayor
uses to call his chief of staff.
(SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
That concludes our tour.
(ALL GROANING)
But I'd love it if you'd all
join me for tea in the parlor.
Tea? In the parlor?
You're like all
Easter Bunnies!
Can't take a punch
to the crotch!
Maybe next time
you'll think twice
before you
"volunteer to help children!"
Oh, hey, Marge.
(CHUCKLES) This is
my husband, Homer.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Ladies. Marge, is there
a small rip in my pants?
(ALL GASPING)
Homer, please.
We're about to have tea.
No tea. Security!
(SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh! Everyone, just go!
Way to blow
our tea, Marge.
That's the last refrigerator
magnet calendar you get from me!
We throw those
out anyway.
You lie!
Stop lying!
Hey, goad-lookin'.
Want to snuggle
with Tyrannosaurus Sex?
(GROWLS)
No, I don't!
I'm still upset about
what happened today.
I don't have many friends.
And when I finally start
to make some, you ruin it.
Oh, come on, honey.
You have lots of friends.
There's, uh, Lisa,
and the stove.
Hmph!
Oh, that poor woman.
I'm gonna find her a friend.
Someone cute, athletic,
with a nice laugh.
(CLICKING)
(GASPS) My husband
and my best friend?
(SQUEALS)
(GROANS)
It's a risk I'll have to take.
What'cha looking
for, Lisa?
Summer opportunities.
We're going to twin camp.
(GASPS) Oh, my God!
"Spend a summer in Rome!"
Rome? Founded by
twins by the way.
Hey! Where'd she go?
Oh, well. Let's talk in
our secret twin language.
(BOTH SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Okay, Lisa.
To study in Rome,
an applicant needs
outstanding grades... Check.
Uh-oh. Lisa, it says you have
to speak fluent Italian.
Uh, check.
You speak Italian?
Of course I do.
Why would I say it
if I didn't?
(CHUCKLES)
Flawless logic.
But I am gonna have to ask
you to speak a few phrases
to verify your fluency.
(GASPS)
Though not now because I have a
series of important meetings.
(SIGHS WITH RELIEF)
How's tomorrow for you?
(WHIMPERS) Because
it's terrible for me.
But I'll get back
to you, soon.
(WHIMPERS)
Son, I need to find
a new friend for your mother.
So you're gonna have to
finish the shopping yourself.
We're on Food Stamps?
I wish.
I made these at work.
(HOMER CHUCKLES)
Hmm. I bet she'd be a good friend
for Marge. She looks defeated, too.
Psst! Psst!
(SHOPPING CART SQUEAKING)
Why does every woman I try
to talk to run into cans?
(MAN ON RECORDING
SPEAKING ITALIAN)
MAN ON RECORDING:
I want to rent a small boat.
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
I plan to dump this
body in the ocean.
Huh?
(GASPS)
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
This is what you get
for asking questions!
(GUNSHOTS)
(SHIVERS) Oh!
Arrivederci, ignorance!
Marge, I did it. I found a
woman to be your new friend.
She's waiting
in the living room!
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(CAT YOWLS)
Hmph. I'm going out
for some air!
I bet you can't throw
a cat over the house.
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(CAT YOWLS)
Huh, I was wrong.
MAN: (SINGING) Everybody hurts
Sometimes
(SIGHS)
I guess I'm not
meant to have friends.
(WIND WHOOSHING)
WOMAN: Stop that hat!
(LAUGHS) Whoo!
How about this wind, huh?
I don't know how you keep
your hair so perfect!
Johnson's Water Seal.
(CLANKS)
(LAUGHING)
My name's Tammy.
And these are my friends,
the Cheery Red Tomatoes.
(GASPS) The nationwide
social organization
for women of a certain age?
Yeah. But we don't sit
around watching television
and eating bonbons.
Well, except on
W-bonbon night,
which is every
Tuesday and Thursday.
What are you doing today?
We're gonna have margaritas and
poke gentle fun at our husbands.
Would you like to join us?
Would I? Now let's see.
Homer cut up my wedding dress
to make a badminton net,
which he never uses.
He spent my last
three birthdays in jail.
Called out his bowling
hall's name during sex!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, honey!
Save it for Johnny Fiestas!
ANNOUNCER ON TV: And now, we return
to the Vic Tayback Motel and Casino
in downtown Las Vegas for
Has-Been Celebrity Poker.
As always,
all our celebrities
are playing for charity.
What! I am so out of here!
Wow, Mom!
Great red dress!
For your information,
I am now a junior member
of the Cheery Red Tomatoes.
Marge? In a gang?
(LAUGHS)
What are you gonna do?
Shoot me with a frosting gun?
Seriously,
I would love that.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Oh, you guys
make everything fun!
(GASPS)
That's my Italian tutor.
Oh, hey, Milhouse,
I think Bart's upstairs.
I'm not here for Bart. I'm
here to teach you Italian.
Oh, sure. I get it.
Bart told you
I was taking lessons
so you thought
you'd come over and...
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
That means,
"Please stop and listen."
I'm the tutor
the company sent over.
I'm here to teach you
la lingua di arte e la musica.
You really speak Italian?
Si.
My grandmother, Nana Sofie,
lives in Tuscany.
Since I was a baby, I've spent
two weeks there every summer.
Nana hated English
because in World War II
a G.I. left her with Child.
My Uncle Bastardo.
Nana only spoke
Italian to me.
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
I love you, Nana. Whoa!
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
MILHOUSE: Every time I
spoke English, she hit me.
Ow, that hurt!
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
I'm sorry I'm so stupid.
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
(GROANING)
That's howl learned Italian
and started wetting my bed.
Anyway, what do you say?
Can I be your insegnante?
Okay. If that
means "teacher."
It means
"masculine teacher."
Bye, ladies. You can
text message me anytime.
We already did!
(GASPS)
MARGE: Ooh!
Oh, how cute.
(SNORING)
He tried to stay up,
but he just couldn't make it.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Buongiorno, Millhouse.
Ah, perfetto.
(GIGGLES) Thank you. I've been studying.
I even made flash cards.
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
My efforts!
Oh, Lisa.
You don't learn Italian,
you live Italian!
Come, we ride
to Little Italy.
But first, Hake care of
some classroom business.
Lisa Simpson?
Present.
Let's go.
(ALL SPEAKING ITALIAN)
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
One gelato for,
oh, the pretty girl.
(CHUCKLES)
Ah, Mr. Milhouse,
thank goodness!
Could you translate and help
me buy cheese for my lasagna?
But Luigi,
surely you speak Italian?
(SIGHS) No, l don’t. I only speak,
how you say, fractured English.
That's what my parents
spoke at home.
I had a wonderful
time today.
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
(GIGGLES)
I'm the luckiest boy
in the world!
Don't be in love,
stupid!
(GROANS)
Tammy, I'd never
have the courage
to skydive if it
weren't for you girls.
Thanks, Marge.
And you know, when we land, we've
got a little surprise for ya.
Ooh. Well, now I really
hope my chute opens.
(WIND HOWLING)
Goodbye, cruel world!
Ladies.
Marge Simpson,
we hereby induct you
as a full member
of the Cheery Red Tomatoes.
(APPLAUSE)
I feel a happiness
I've never felt.
I not only have friends,
I have a hat to prove it.
Now Marge, as a full member, you
get to share in all our secrets.
Like our recipe
for mock apple pie.
The secret is it's got
apples in it.
And now we can tell you the
secret plans for our fundraiser.
This year, we're gonna steal one
million dollars from Mr. Burns.
(GASPS) You're joking!
You've gotta be joking!
You're not joking.
Oh, any other surprises?
I'm not a natural redhead.
(GROANS)
I'm sorry. I can't steal.
Not even from Mr. Burns.
Mr. Burns promised
a million dollars
to the Springfield
Children's Hospital.
And then...
Instead of donating
this money,
I'm going to use it
to extend my own life
another 10 minutes.
Smithers?
And the register?
(CROWD BOOING)
Release the hounds!
(DOGS BARKING)
(CROWD SCREAMING)
Why would you bring attack
dogs to a charity event?
I was taking them
to the groomers.
(CHUCKLES)
(nos PANTING)
Who's a stinky dog?
You are.
Michelle's going to work on you today.
Yes, she is.
There are 12 Faberge eggs in his
vault, each worth a small fortune.
We can get them, but we
need your special skills.
When l joined, I never thought
we'd be robbing people.
You said you wanted friends!
And the one thing about friends
is that they stick together!
Especially when they're trying to
pull off a million-dollar heist.
Maybe we were a little too
quick to give you that hat.
Take back the hail
She deserves bare hair!
ALL: Bare hair! Bare hair!
Okay, okay,
okay, I'm in!
You ladies doing
okay down there?
Sorry to wake you,
Stanley.
Don't let us down,
newbie.
ANNOUNCER ON TV: Welcome back to Fox
Sports West II Classic Fox Sports Fox.
Hey, Marge,
where are you going?
Oh, heh...
Well, I'm... (STAMMERS)
Bird watching.
Wait a minute.
If she's going bird watching,
why did she leave our
Peterson's Field Guide to Birds
on the kitchen counter?
(GASPS)
Roadrunners are real!
(SINGING) Milhouse is teaching
me to speak so prettily
I'll quip so wittily
when I'm in Italy
(SIGHS)
(GASPS) Milhouse,
just what is going on?
Run along, Angelique.
But not too fast, huh?
(GROWLS)
Lisa, Lisa,
she is the appetizer,
but you are
the main course!
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
Lisa! You're speaking
perfect Italian!
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
(LISA SHOUTING IN ITALIAN)
(MILHOUSE GROANING)
Now let's see
what Marge is up to.
(HOMER READING)
(GASPS)
(READING)
That's Mr. Burns' mansion!
Remind me, Smithers,
while we're out,
I need to get
my eyes re-balled
and my brain
flushed outwith vinegar.
Yes, sir. Oh, and your knees will
be back from the shop tomorrow.
Excellent.
Okay, Marge. You're the only
one of us skinny enough
to squeeze through
this vent.
That's my special skill?
Well, what'd you think?
You're a master of disguise?
Not with that 'do.
I thought
you liked my hair.
It's all right.
I've gotta stop
Marge from doing
something reckless
and irresponsible!
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Lou, we better go
after him.
Eddie, you direct traffic.
You're the graceful one.
You got it, Chief.
CLANCY: Look at him
tease that Subaru.
And that guy can't find a girlfriend.
I'll never figure it out.
I got the combination
from Burns
after I let him feel me
up during the Depression.
Zero to the right, zero to
the left, (DIAL CLICKING)
back to zero.
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
Marge, l wanted to save you from the cops.
But the cops followed me!
Game over, man!
Game over!
So are you gonna introduce
me to your friends?
Don't worry, Mr. Burns. We'll
get to the bottom of this.
Excuse me, Lou.
I'm supposed to say that.
Acting like the chief
doesn't make you the chief.
If I was acting like the
chief, I'd need size 58 pants.
Oh, here we go
with the fat jokes.
You know, I just wish you
could hit the easy targets
on the firing range
so well.
Oh, Lou, why do we
hurt each other so?
Because sometimes
it's easier to be cruel
than to say what
you really feel.
Permission to hug, Chief?
Permission (SOBS) granted.
Granted, Lou!
Thank you, Chief!
Oh, enough!
While you morons
are canoodling,
someone's burgling
my miscellanea.
(GUNSHOT)
Try to take my eggs,
will you?
Well, this rooster
has a beak.
A beak which calls out
death-a-doodle-doo.
Why, you're all women.
I'm not.
I suppose. But you're
certainly buxom and flirty.
Oh, well, l try to
have a good time.
All I wanted to do
was join a group
of women who wore
the same outfits!
(CRYING)
(ALL CRYING)
(SIGHS)
Oh, no jury on earth
would convict
a bunch of
moist-eyed mothers.
I'll tell you
what, ladies.
Give me my eggs back
and I'll let you go.
(SOBS)
And tell me I'm not fat!
(SCOFFS)
Well, I guess our
fundraiser was a failure.
Don't be so sure.
Ah, Marge, I love you.
But to be safe,
sweetie, I don't think
we can ever see
each other again.
I'll really
miss you guys.
I'll never forget the three
activities we did together.
(SNIFFLES)
Listen, Marge.
No matter where you go
in this life,
you'll always have
one friend
who loves you,
body and soul.
And Marge,
there are certain things
I can do for you that
no other friend can.
Special things.
(CHUCKLES)
Wow, this is special.
(THUDS)
I can't believe this
happened to me twice!
Ripped By mstoll