The Shrink Next Door (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript

♪ Keep the doorway open wide ♪

♪ Until we come slowly strollin'
Side by side ♪

♪ Till I'm strollin' through that doorway
With my bride ♪

[MUSIC ENDS]

[GUESTS EXCLAIMING]

Can we have the bar mitzvah boy
join us by the stage?

[GUESTS MURMURING]

- Where the hell is he?
- [WHISPERS] I don't know.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[GIRL] Marty. Marty, it's me.
I know you're in here.

Please come out.



[YOUNG MARTY] No. My tummy hurts.

- Well, wrap up whatever you're doing, and let's go back in.
- Well, wrap up whatever you're doing, and let's go back in.

- You missed the hora.
- I don't care.

There's too many people.
They're all looking at me.

[SIGHS]

Have you seen the pile of presents?

You could start a fountain pen store
if you just get through the next hour.

How about we light the candles,
have a little cake,

do a dance with Grandma Flo,
and get out of here?

I'll be with you the whole time.
I promise.

Fantastic. Would you get over here?
Come on.

[GUESTS CHATTERING, LAUGHING]

All right. Everybody, smile.

[CLICKS]



[MARTY] Joel, the bubble gum.

- Did you have that before, or did you find it underneath the seat?
- Did you have that before, or did you find it underneath the seat?

- Come on, Joel.
- Hi, Mommy.

- [BOTH CHILDREN] Hi, Mom.
- Hi, guys.

- How was the movie?
- [GIRL] Good.

The man dressed up as a woman
and then another man kissed him.

- Oh, excellent.
- [JOEL] It was fun.

- It's a lot of fun, yeah.
- [JOEL] Yeah.

How was your afternoon?

I drove into Midtown,
I got a parking ticket,

I argued with the traffic cop
for 20 minutes. It was heaven.

An uninterrupted conversation
with an adult.

So that was fantastic.

Oh, okay. Look, I gotta go.

Oh. Did they have lunch?

Sure did. Sno-Caps and jujubes.

- [PHYLLIS] Marty.
- I gotta run.

Uh, wait. Your birthday.
We need to make a plan.

- No. You know I don't like a fuss.
- Well, it doesn't have to be a big to-do.

Come over early
so the kids can be a part of it.

I'll broil some lamb chops.

The fire alarm will go off.

I promise I'll make sure
that nobody enjoys themselves.

- Okay?
- Sounds perfect. Okay, I'll be there.

Hey, where are you going anyway?
Got a d-a-t-e?

- No. No, no, no.
- No?

No. I'm... I'm going to see Dr. Herschkopf.

- A-Again?
- Yeah.

- A-Again?
- Yeah.

Marty, that's… I'm so happy.

Is it working out?

- I think. I don't know.
- Okay.

I mean,
he wants me to talk about my feelings,

but my main feeling is I don't want to.

Aw, Marty.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Aw, look at you.

Just keep talking about what worries you.

- Okay?
- Yeah.

- Oh, I'm so proud of you.
- All right.

- Thank you for today. [KISSES]
- Bye. Okay.

- I should go. Bye.
- I love you. I'm proud of you.

- Bye.
- [JOEL] Bye, Uncle Marty.

[MARTY] Phyllis has always been
the strong one.

But this past year, I mean, uh…

She's really been through a lot.

Took my dad's death really hard,
and then… [SIGHS]

She's getting a divorce.
I feel bad for her.

So do I.

But this is not her session.

[CHUCKLES] It's yours.

Sorry. I'm still new at this.

I really love your shirt, by the way.

Is that... Is that Ralph Lauren?

Mmm. Lifshitz. That's his real name.

Ralph Lifshitz.

No. I never knew that.

No. I never knew that.

I... I know him a little.

Took a picture with him at a UJA event.
He's a lovely guy. His stuff is timeless.

It really is.

But, Marty, you have very effectively
changed the subject once again.

- Mmm.
- Now, come on.

Stick with it.

I'm curious,
how did your father's death affect you?

Me?

I mean, I'm fine.

Fine?

You lost your dad, Marty.

You're well within your rights
not to be fine about it.

Yeah.

I guess not so fine.

Do you know how empowering
and liberating it can be

to allow yourself to feel a feeling
and name the feeling?

I miss him.

Of course you do.

- When I think about the fact that he's gone, it... it feels, uh…
- When I think about the fact that he's gone, it... it feels, uh…

Not good.

There's no shame in feeling pain, Marty.

Why do you miss him?

He was my dad.

And that meant you were the kid.

And it's nice to be a kid.

You don't have to be responsible.

- Make decisions.
- Yeah.

But now it's time for you to be the man,
and that's a scary thing.

Yeah.

That's because our fathers provide
a template of what it means to be a man.

When we lose them,

we feel like we lose
the paradigm of manhood along with them.

Yes. Yeah, that's exactly it.
[STAMMERS] That's it.

Tell me more about that.

Well, yeah. I guess, now that he's gone,

- I... I feel like, you know, everyone's looking at me, uh, to fill his spot.
- I... I feel like, you know, everyone's looking at me, uh, to fill his spot.

But... [CHUCKLES]

But you're afraid
they still see you as a boy

because that's how you still see yourself.

[SIGHS]

I do believe you have just had
what we headshrinkers call a breakthrough.

[CHUCKLES, SNIFFLES] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[SOBS]

[SNIFFLES]

And we're out of time.

Oh.

I hate ending a session
right when we're getting somewhere,

but the good doctor's got to eat.

[SIGHS]

- Uh, you know…
- [SNIFFLES]

…I usually just go to the deli
and grab something,

but if you wanna tag along
and finish this,

that's okay.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I... Yeah,
I'd have to charge you for the time.

- But, fine.
- No, no, no, no, no.

- That's... That's fine.
- That's... That's fine.

I'm... I'm great with that, it...
As long as you don't mind.

- [IKE] You're almost 40.
- [MARTY] Yeah.

- What are you gonna do for your birthday?
- Ugh, you sound like Phyllis.

Uh, nothing. [STAMMERS] I don't...
I... I don't like parties.

It's not my thing.

Huh?
Well, you must have had a bar mitzvah?

Yeah, but I... I missed a lot of it.

I was on the toilet.
I have digestive issues.

Sometimes my insides get
tangled up on themselves

- like a phone cord.
- I see.

I even missed the hora.
It was a terrible day.

[IKE] Hmm.

- [SPEAKS KOREAN]
- [SPEAKS KOREAN] Doctor. [CHUCKLES]

Try the chicken. It's the greatest.

Uh, it looks spicy. My stomach.

Oh, you're missing out, Marty.

But then again,

I suspect you miss out on a lot,
don't you?

Do you think the goal in life is
to avoid getting hurt?

The goal of life is to live.

Getting hurt is just
the price of admission, my friend.

- So, what do you want?
- So, what do you want?

Um… [SIGHS] Okay.

Uh, yes. I would like to have…

It would be my sincere wish
for you to make me, um, yes.

[STUTTERS] Yeah. Let's go with
the turkey on, uh, white bread.

Dry, with a single piece of lettuce.

No. No, no, no. No, no, no. Let's go...

What about the roast beef?
Maybe roast beef on a kaiser, maybe?

W... W-What do you think?

I think you should
take some responsibility

and make a decision.

Pick a sandwich, okay?

Go. Just say whatever comes out.

Pick. What are you? Anything.

- Don't think.
- T-Turkey!

That's it. There we go. Done.

- Turkey sandwich, bland as hell.
- [CASH REGISTER RINGS]

It's very clear to me,
Marty, as the only beloved son,

you've been babied.
You haven't had to grow up.

It's held you back.

You're right. You're totally right.

- But no longer. Grab the reins to your life.
- But no longer. Grab the reins to your life.

Hmm?

Show your staff, and the world,
who's boss.

Be the ruler of your own domain.

[WOMAN] What you looking at?

I have this new client.

He reminded me of something today
I haven't thought about in a long time.

- Look at this boy.
- Oh, my gosh.

Is that your bar mitzvah?
You were so cute.

- Cute? Oof. Look how miserable I look.
- [CHUCKLES]

- That cheap suit. Oof.
- Is that a clip-on tie?

[CHUCKLES]

Not all of us came from money.

I'm not saying that.
I'd just forgotten they existed.

I wanted it to be this big thing,
this big occasion.

It wasn't.

[SCOFFS] I didn't even get a party.

Where did you find these pictures?

- I dug them out of the hall closet.
- I dug them out of the hall closet.

[CHUCKLES] I don't think
I've looked at them in, well, ever.

I think you look adorable.

Stop.

And I'm sorry
your parents didn't make you feel special.

It's fine.

They couldn't afford it.

[GRUNTS] And, honestly,
they wouldn't know how.

Well, I'd like to make you feel special.

Is that so?

It's very much so.

I think I have kimchi breath.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Whoa, look at the new threads.

Oh, yeah. It's, uh... It's a Lifshitz.

- That's his name in real life.
- Ah. Very sharp.

Can I have everyone gather around?

Now. Please?

It is my job to guide you, my coworkers,

towards successful outcomes
with workplace objectives.

To that end,

these are ground rules
I'm putting in place

that will help the entire team
perform at optimum…

Performance.

Work begins at 9:00 a.m. sharp.

Uh, yeah. That's great.

No more congregating
around the copier machine

to talk about what happened
on Falcon Crest.

Uh, lunch is 36 minutes.
Sorry, 30 minutes.

Uh, lunch is 36 minutes.
Sorry, 30 minutes.

My, uh... My zero, uh, looks like a six.
So I... I misread that.

- Sorry. Chaos at home. Ugh.
- [MALE WORKER] Hey, Phyllis. Morning.

[SIGHS] I didn't know
there was a staff meeting.

Would it have made a difference?

Excuse me?

[MARTY]
Shouldn't you be on time no matter what?

Uh, well, if you must know,

Joel shampooed his hair
with Nair this morning.

So my eight-year-old looks
like Telly fucking Savalas.

So please don't bust my nuts
over half an hour, thank you.

What's got into him? Jesus Christ.

[WORKERS MURMURING]

- Way to start a day.
- [OPENS DOOR]

- Jesus.
- [MARTY] Waiting on Phyllis.

Just putting my bag down,
thank you very much.

- Soon as she finds a seat.
- A little compassion, Marty.

My son is bald.

Maybe you should keep your Nair
in a childproof cabinet.

- -Give me a break, Marty. -Waiting on you, Phyllis.
- -Give me a break, Marty. -Waiting on you, Phyllis.

- Did you see Falcon Crest last night?
- Oh, I...

- I'm gonna explode.
- Phyllis!

- [WOMAN] So moving...
- I...

I am gonna have to bust your nuts
a little, okay?

I... I... I'm trying to lay down
the ground rules.

Okay. O-Okay.

[MARTY] Please.

With the most important one being...

- [PHONE RINGS]
- [WOMAN] Oh, excuse me.

The most important one being, at work,

- we…
- [RINGING CONTINUES]

We…

At work, we work.

Okay. So that means
no personal conversations.

And no chitchatting on the phone.

Marty, Marty.
Dr. Herschkopf is on the phone.

- He is?
- Mm-hmm.

Okay. Um, well, you know.
Technically that's a, uh…

I think that's work-related. So…

Uh, he said it was a personal matter.

Oh, well, you better...
You better ask him to call you back.

Right. Uh, okay.

- On this one occasion, as a point of, uh, personal privilege,
- On this one occasion, as a point of, uh, personal privilege,

I'm exempted from all
the aforementioned restrictions

because, technically speaking,
these rules do not take effect

until this meeting is adjourned.

So, on that note, meeting adjourned.

No. Meeting paused.

[CHATTERING]

[MAN] Checkmate.

Leroy.

Never underestimate a pawn, man.

[RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

There he is. Hey!

- Hey, Leroy, you mind, uh… Thanks.
- I don't mind.

Have a seat.

Sure.

- Thanks for coming.
- Yeah.

- I hope I didn't disturb your day.
- No, no. It's fine.

Everything okay?

Everything's great.

I've been thinking about you, Marty.

You've been thinking about me?

- Your birthday is coming up, and I have a very exciting idea for you.
- Your birthday is coming up, and I have a very exciting idea for you.

You wanna step up,
become a new man, right?

Turn a new chapter, yes?

Uh-huh.

I think that you should mark
this important moment.

I think you should have
a second bar mitzvah.

- A what?
- A sequel.

A rematch.

Rocky got back in the ring.

You're getting back on the bimah.

- [SCOFFS] I don't know.
- But think about it.

The first one still haunts you.

Part of you is still stuck
in that bathroom

with your bowels churning.

This could be another chance.

Do it again.
Perfect way to celebrate your 40th.

Uh-huh.

Interesting. [CHUCKLES]

- You hate it.
- No. [STAMMERS]

Think about it.
This would be a true rite of passage.

A-A way to declare this new man,
this new you.

I'm telling you, I love this idea.

I... I don't want to sound unappreciative,

but can I think about it?

- Of course. Well, I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna force you.
- Of course. Well, I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna force you.

- [CHUCKLES]
- It's up to you.

I got to go.

- See you in session.
- Oh.

You have a great day, Marty.

And, uh, let me know what you decide.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Ugh.

Hmm. [SNIFFS]

[MARTY] Ah.

- Hey. Thanks for letting me up.
- Oh. I knew you'd come.

- Sorry?
- It was so unlike you.

What are you talking about?

Well,
I know you're here to apologize for today.

[MARTY] For what?

For being so rude to me
in front of the whole office.

I'm sorry if you thought I was rude,

but I'm trying to step up.

I'm trying to be ruler of my own domain.

Oh, your domain? Oh, got it.

Oh, your domain? Oh, got it.

Yeah.

So, I guess this therapy
is really working out, huh?

- It is. It really is.
- Okay.

And Dr. Ike had this idea.

- Oh, is that his name now? Dr. Ike?
- Yeah.

At first, the idea sounded a little weird,
but listen to this.

Dr. Ike thinks that for my 40th birthday…

I should have a bar mitzvah.

- You had a bar mitzvah.
- Right.

A second one.

What was wrong with the first?

It was a terrible day, remember?

I... I... I mangled my haftarah,

and I-I...
I mean, I hid out in the bathroom.

But Mom and Dad were so proud of you.

They... It meant so much to them.

- I know. But…
- I know. But…

Well… [SIGHS]

Well, this... this doctor seems
a little unconventional, huh?

Yeah, I guess.

But the thing is, he cares so much.

And everything he's said
about me is right.

I mean, he really sees me.

He... He understands me,
and... and the therapy works.

[STAMMERS] I know it's just words and...
And they're just feelings and stuff,

but when you say them out loud,
he's right, it's empowering.

It's liberating.

[SIGHS] It's a relief.

You know?

And I'm feeling things and doing things
that I... I just never… [CHUCKLES]

The thing is that his advice to me
has been spot-on,

and if... if he thinks I should do this,
then maybe I should do it.

Marty.

I'm so happy for you.

I'm so happy for you.

I really am.

But you don't... [STAMMERS]

You don't need to rush into anything.

Why not? This is exciting.

I'm... I'm ready for this.
I... I really am. I...

Marty.

Is this about turning 40?

No.

There are other ways
to have a midlife crisis.

You... You buy a Corvette, you know?

Honestly, fuck a prostitute.
There's no judgment here.

[SIGHS]

I feel good, Phyllis.

Aren't you happy for me?

Oh, of course I am.

I haven't felt this clearheaded
in a long time.

- [SIGHS]
- I think it could be nice.

And w-we'll do it together, you know?

As a family.

[GROANS, SIGHS] Mmm…

Um, we al...
We already did it as a family, though,

- when you were 13.
- When you were 13.

This time will be different.

This time will be better.

[WATER RUNNING]

[LEAVES RUSTLING]

- [WOMAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
- [IKE] Mm-hmm.

[DOOR OPENS]

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, trust me, Miriam.

Say no to Florida. Do not go.
Put your foot down.

Your mother will have to deal with it.

Okay. [CHUCKLES] Thank you.

- Hi.
- Hi.

[IKE] Look who's early.

So, I thought about it, and I wanna do it.

That's great news.

I-I really think this could be good
for me and, you know,

my sister doesn't agree, but...

But, you know, she'll come around.

And the only thing is,
my birthday's in three weeks

and I don't think
my temple can slot me in.

Not to worry. I already talked to mine.

- -You did? -I did.
- -You did? -I did.

I had a feeling
you were gonna come around on this.

I'm... I'm close with my rabbi,

and I helped him through a rough patch
a couple of years ago.

He's happy to make it happen.

He already has one scheduled
for that day, so we can double up.

Wow. I don't know what to say.

Well, say you'll practice your tuchus off
and crush it.

I'll invite some friends.
Help fill the place out.

[CASSETTE PLAYER CLICKS]

[MARTY SINGING IN HEBREW]

[SINGING CONTINUES]

Rabbi.

Phyllis, hi.

- I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second.
- I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second.

Sure, come on in.

I was on my way to the sisterhood meeting,

and I just wanted to grab you
for a second.

Good to see you.

I wanna bend your ear
about this whole bar mitzvah thing.

I wanna know what you think.

Because, to me,
it diminishes my parents and their memory.

What bar mitzvah thing?

Marty's bar mitzvah.

- Your brother, Marty?
- Yes.

This crazy idea for his 40th birthday.

Sorry, I have no idea
what you're talking about.

- [MAN ON TAPE] You begin.
- This is the first I've heard of it.

- [TAPE: MAN SINGS IN HEBREW]
- So tell me more.

Congregation. [MAN SINGS IN HEBREW]

All right, Marty. Go ahead, give it a try.

[SINGS IN HEBREW, OFF-KEY]

[SINGS IN HEBREW, OFF-KEY]

Uh, sorry.

[SINGING CONTINUES]

All right, we'll get there.

Uh, very good. [SIGHS]

Emily, your turn.

[SINGING IN HEBREW, MELODIOUS]

[SINGING CONTINUES]

[SINGS IN HEBREW]

- [CHUCKLES]
- How's it going in here?

Very well. Marty's working hard.

Better be. Don't embarrass me, Marty.

I've got a lot of people coming.

Ah, I'll try not to. [CHUCKLES]

I'm just putting the final arrangements
on the big day.

Rabbi, I'm still waiting
on the order of the aliyahs.

Do you think you could
get that over to me?

- Absolutely.
- [IKE] All right.

I gotta check on the electricity
in the ballroom.

I've got this incredible DJ
who's gonna play at the party.

That's if you don't mind springing for it.

Oh… [STAMMERS] …whatever you need, Doc.

[CHUCKLES] Great.
All right. See you in a bit.

- Uh, wait, Isaac, uh, I... I need a minute.
- Uh, wait, Isaac, uh, I... I need a minute.

Kids, you're doing great.
Keep going. Work together.

I got a call from Rabbi Goldberg
of the Madison congregation,

- uh, about you.
- About me?

Actually,
it was on behalf of a Phyllis Shapiro.

Do you know who that is?

- I don't.
- I-I-I think that's Marty's sister.

[MARTY, EMILY SINGING
IN HEBREW, INDISTINCT]

What was she inquiring about?

You. Your reputation inside our building.

And if you've ever done a bar mitzvah
for a patient before.

I didn't know Marty was a patient.

Just thought he was a friend.

Yeah, Marty's a...
Marty's a patient of mine.

And, um, what we're doing for him,
what you are doing for him,

is a "therapeutic-mitzvah."

This, uh, man has been held back
his entire life by his 13th birthday.

[IKE SPEAKING, INDISTINCT]

- How many people do you have coming?
- How many people do you have coming?

Um, a lot. Like…

Do you have an exact number?

Around a hundred, I think.

Wow.

You?

Um, yeah. I think... I mean... We'll see.

Mmm.

- People have busy schedules and stuff.
- Yeah.

[IKE] …he's with me.

- God loves him.
- [CHUCKLES]

- He tell you that himself?
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

All right. Let's go with…
[SINGS IN HEBREW]

[EMILY SINGS IN HEBREW]

[MEN CHATTERING]

[IKE] Marty.

- Hey.
- [IKE] A minute?

Of course. What's up?

Have a seat.

Oh. All right.

[SIGHS]

Your sister is Phyllis, right?
Phyllis Shapiro?

- Yes. Why?
- Yes. Why?

What kind of person is she, Marty?

I know you've mentioned
her hitting a rough patch as of late,

but does she have some kind of agenda?

I... I don't understand.

Does she have a history of mental illness?

Has she ever been treated
for any chemical imbalance?

- Anything like that?
- No.

I'm just trying to get a sense
of who she is while I register my alarm.

See, my psychiatrist radar is going off.

Why? W... What do you mean?

Well, apparently she's been
asking around about me.

Called the temple to check my reputation,
see if I was trustworthy.

- What?
- Me, Dr. Isaac Herschkopf,

board of NYU medical school.

Oh, my God. Dr. Herschkopf,
I don't know what to say.

Oh, let me t... As a physician,
we all swear an oath to first do no harm.

It's an oath that I took, and take,
very seriously.

So when someone questions
my good character, it hurts.

- It really hurts.
- I'm... I'm sorry. I... I... I'm so sorry...

- My reputation is all I have. I've worked very hard for it.
- My reputation is all I have. I've worked very hard for it.

- Ask anyone. It's unassailable.
- No, I know.

You're the very best there is.

I'm worried, Marty.

I'm worried this sister
doesn't want what's best for you.

But she's the one that suggested
I try therapy in the first place.

I know that, but does she really
wanna see you grow and change,

or would she rather
keep you frozen in time?

People like this are not ready
to do the work themselves.

So when they see you grow,
it's very threatening to them.

- But I think she wants what's best for me.
- Then why is she trying to sabotage it?

Marty, trust is at the very core
of who I am and what I do.

It has to be.

Without trust, I am nothing.
Without trust, we have nothing.

I do trust you. I-I trust you completely.

I-I'll talk to her. I will.
I'll talk to her.

I promise.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

[PHYLLIS] Oh, give me a break, Daniel.

No, don't talk to me
about your upper west...

[PHONE CRADLE RATTLES]

I need to talk to you.

- What are you doing?
- Now.

Oh. [SIGHS]

If this is one of your
"at work, we work" lectures,

I can't hear y...

- I can't handle that now.
- You called his rabbi?

- What?
- Dr. Ike.

You called his rabbi.

What are you doing snooping around
about him?

Is that what you're upset about?

I... Marty, I'm not snooping.
I'm looking out for you.

You embarrassed me, Phyllis.
He's very upset.

Well, I don't care about him, Marty.
I care about you.

Do you? Really?

I'm your sister. That's my literal job.

Marty, take a step back for a second.

What... [STAMMERS]
"Run to the light, Carol Anne."

You sound deranged.

- You really don't think that this is a weird suggestion.
- You really don't think that this is a weird suggestion.

For a therapist to make?

He's trying to help me.

But it crosses a line.

Says who? You?

I tell you what I think.

I think that you see that I'm changing
and that you're threatened by it.

You think that? Or does he?

You told me to do this, Phyllis!

I told you to talk to somebody,
not redo your 13th birthday.

Well, I'm doing it. Okay?

Okay.

Whatever, Marty. Fine.

And... And if you can't be supportive,
don't come.

Oh, so now you're actually 13.

If you don't believe in it,
I don't want you there.

- Do you want me to lie to you?
- No.

I don't believe in it.
I think it's ridiculous.

- Ridiculous?
- I do.

- Good. Okay.
- Fine.

So don't come, okay?

Even if you change your mind. Don't come.

Marty.

- Fine!
- Fine!

[RABBI] What a special day.

Welcome to our b'nai mitzvah.

And to all their family and friends
who, today, will witness

Emily begin her life
as a fully participating Jewish adult.

And Marty.

Marty, who shall continue to do just that.

[GUESTS CHUCKLE]

[SINGS IN HEBREW]

The first aliyah.

[SINGS IN HEBREW]

[CONGREGATION ANSWERS IN HEBREW]

[SINGING IN HEBREW CONTINUES]

[SINGING IN HEBREW CONTINUES]

[CONGREGATION ANSWERS IN HEBREW]

[PAPER RUSTLES]

[SINGING IN HEBREW, OFF-KEY]

[IKE MUTTERS]

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

[WOMAN CLEARS THROAT]

[GUESTS WHISPERING, MURMURING]

[GUESTS WHISPERING, MURMURING]

[WHISPERS IN HEBREW]

[REPEATS]

[SINGS MELODY, FAINT]

[STAMMERS]

[SINGING IN HEBREW, OFF-KEY]

- [GUEST COUGHS]
- [IKE SINGS IN HEBREW, FAINT]

[MARTY SINGS IN HEBREW, OFF-KEY]

[SINGS IN HEBREW, SOFT]

[SINGS IN HEBREW]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[CLEARS THROAT, SINGS IN HEBREW, SOFT]

[WHISPERING]

[BOTH SING IN HEBREW]

- [SPEAKS HEBREW]
- [SINGS IN HEBREW, MELODIOUS]

[BOTH SINGING, MELODIOUS]

- [MOUTHS HEBREW WORDS]
- [SINGS IN HEBREW]

[BOTH SINGING]

[MARTY SINGING ALONE]

[BOTH HARMONIZING]

[DISSONANT HARMONIZING]

[DISSONANT HARMONIZING]

[SINGING CONTINUES]

- [EXHALES HEAVILY]
- [GUESTS APPLAUDING, CHEERING]

[BOY] Bravo!

- [SPEAKS HEBREW]
- Yeah.

Mazel.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Mazel tov, mazel tov.

- Mazel tov. Let's party.
- Yeah.

- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
- Yes.

["KNOCK ON WOOD" PLAYING]

[GUESTS LAUGHING, CHATTERING, EXCLAIMING]

[CHATTERING, LAUGHING CONTINUES]

[CHATTERING, LAUGHING CONTINUES]

- Yeah! All right!
- [GUEST] Whoo-hoo!

[WOMAN CHUCKLES]

[CAMERAMAN]
Anything to say to the bar mitzvah boy?

Oh. Well, I... I am the bar mitzvah boy,

- but if I did have something I'd wanna...
- [CAMERAMAN] Oh, sorry, I...

Hey, mazel tov.

[LAUGHING, CHATTERING CONTINUES]

Phyllis.

Excuse me, Marty?

Um, I'm Bonnie. Ike's wife.

- Bonnie! Oh, my gosh. Hi.
- [CHUCKLES]

- Hi. [CHUCKLES] Oh.
- Hello.

Well, I... I saw you standing alone,
and I'm not great at these things either.

It is such a pleasure to meet you.

[SIGHS] Your husband. What a great guy.

[SIGHS] He's a great guy, yes.

[SIGHS] He's a great guy, yes.

Not necessarily a great dancer.

I haven't seen him have this much fun
since our wedding.

[MARTY] He's really enjoying himself.
He sure has a lot of friends.

- [BONNIE] Yeah, he does.
- [RECORD SCRATCH]

- [GASPS] Whoo!
- [DJ] It's time!

- ["HAVA NAGILA" PLAYING]
- [GUESTS CLAPPING]

[GUESTS] ♪ Hava nagila, hava nagila ♪

♪ Hava nagila ve-nis'mecha ♪

♪ Hava nagila, hava nagila… ♪

Get out there, Marty!

Marty?

♪ Hava neranena, hava neranena ♪

[SONG CONTINUES, MUFFLED]

[GRUNTS]

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

[IKE] Marty. Marty, what's going on?

Uh… [STAMMERS] I gotta use the bathroom.

- We're all out there waiting for you.
- No, I know. I…

- Just gotta… [CHUCKLES]
- Just gotta… [CHUCKLES]

My tummy hurts.

Marty.

[CHUCKLES] This is it, Mar...
The hard part's over.

- Now it's time to enjoy yourself.
- Oh, I know. Just…

[GROANS]

Marty. [SIGHS]
I'm not even sure those issues are real.

No, it's real. Yeah.
It's a real bad flare-up.

I have known you several weeks now,

and I have seen nothing to suggest
you have digestive problems.

[STRAINS]

Let me free you of a lie that everyone,
including your sister, including you,

has been perpetuating for 30 years.

There's nothing wrong with you.

Little boys have digestive issues.

Real men take shits.

Now, come on.

It's time.

["YOU CAN MAKE ME FREE" PLAYING]

- Well…
- Well…

I'll speak for your uncle

when I say that he's sorry
he couldn't be here tonight.

Very, very sorry.

But that's what family is, huh?

It's a collection of people
that you owe an apology to.

[SNIFFLES]

- [SONG CONTINUES]
- [SONG CONTINUES]

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[PHYLLIS] Sometimes the people that we
love do things that we don't agree with.

Sometimes they act
like fucking douchebags.

Pardon my French.

Now let's eat. Hmm?

One, two, three.

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[SONG CONTINUES]