The Secret Life of the American Teenager (2008–2013): Season 1, Episode 4 - Caught - full transcript
Amy and Ben's relationship grows stronger.
Previously on the "Secret Life
of the American Teenager"...
I'd like to know why I got a bill
from the insurance company for Amy
when I know for a fact she's at least
six months overdue for her physical.
My clothes no longer
fit because I'm fat.
I've kissed her, but I
really wanna kiss her.
How old will you be when you stop letting
your parents make your decisions for you?
You're very smart.
Don't go spreading that around.
Might ruin my reputation.
Dr. Hightower has a new
doctor in the office.
Grace Bowman's dad.
I wanna date Jack. Please.
You haven't told her
or your dad, have you?
No.
- You love this girl, I can see it.
- I do.
- What's going on?
- You tell me.
OK, then drop her off
and come back over here.
- I can't do that.
- Are you having a baby?
Yeah.
I forgot to do this.
Phone.
Yeah.
Ricky? Hey, are you still picking me up?
- I'll be right there.
- If you could hurry. I'm here by myself.
- Where's Jack?
- He had curfew. He had to leave.
Yeah. Don't panic. I'm on the way.
Gimme my shirt. I gotta go. I
told you not to let me go to sleep.
- It's my fault you fall asleep?
- My shirt.
Can't she just get a taxi or
something? Or just grow up and tell
her parents that she's dating
Jack whether they like it or not?
Adrian, come on. I gotta go.
- Fine, I'll go without my shirt.
- OK.
I'll give it to you.
On second thought, I think I'll keep it.
All right.
Hey, I could use a little cheerin' up.
What's your name, little girl?
Who you waiting for honey? You
want a ride? We'll give you a ride.
Gotta give us a ride first.
I'm calling the police.
You're not calling anyone, are you?
What the hell's going on here?
You OK?
If you're just joining us for the
morning news, you have to see this one.
Guards at a neighborhood bank were
surprised to find this
footage this morning,
I bet a lot of people
are going to be surprised.
Including that guy's wife, probably.
What do you think is the backstory here?
No one's identified
her yet, but if we run
this a few more times,
I'm sure someone will.
Obviously we have the high school.
- All we need is the yearbook.
- Tried that. She must be a freshman.
- I wonder what church she goes to.
- I wonder what church he goes to.
Look at him.
Makes me wanna go back
to high school again.
When did you get out of
high school, last year?
Get up. Come on, you gotta see this.
They're gonna talk about it at
school all day, I guarantee it.
- OK.
- Hurry.
Now I'm not knocking
anyone else's religion
when I say this, but
whatever hers is, it works.
Aw, come on. Let's see it again.
- Should we show it again?
- Show it again.
Just show it.
Cheerleaders have changed
a lot since my day.
You cannot believe.
Naw, Jimbo. They didn't have
security cameras back then.
Wait, this is my favorite part.
Oh, come on. The best part's the prayer.
- You go to church.
- No.
I might start now if that's what
they're preaching these days.
I might even go to a
high-school football game.
Oh, man. Little Miss Goodie Two Shoes
threatening to cut a
guy with a beer bottle.
And she's out with some
shirtless moron at midnight
in some skeevy part of
town. Don't you love it?
Why would I love it?
'Cause we're family. You gotta dislike
who I dislike. That's called loyalty.
I dislike the Bowmans, so this
is funny to me and to our family.
OK. I don't dislike Grace
Bowman. I don't know her.
Yeah, well, I do. I know her mother,
anyway. That's why this is funny.
Tables have turned, huh?
These two high-falutin' churchgoers
have a little problem child.
Who's that shirtless guy?
I've seen him somewhere.
Oh, uh, I don't know.
W- Why would I know that?
OK. It's all right. No
pressure to identify the guy.
- You sure you don't know?
- Uh... uh, I'm not sure.
Oh, he's, uh, he's just-just
some kid in the band.
OK, OK. You weren't with them in
the skeevy part of town, were ya?
No.
OK, gotta get ready for school.
Thank you, Dad, for, uh, the laugh.
I'm a loving father.
What's with the nun's outfit?
You better not be up to
something, young lady.
- I have a court appearance.
- A court appearance?
- Joking.
- More like lying.
- What are you lying about?
- Nothing.
- Are you on drugs?
- No.
- Why can't I get a straight answer?
- Why can't you tell me I look nice?
See?
Ah, oh, the eye roll. Perfect.
Well, that's more like it.
Please, just one more time.
There are more important
things going on in the world,
like Iraq, Iran, Pakistan,
the build up of Al-qaeda.
Hah, what the heck?
One more time.
Ha. Thanks, Jimbo.
Wait, this is my favorite part.
Oh, come on, the best part's the prayer.
Mom and Dad's gonna be surprised.
Yeah, they are.
- You know...
- I can explain.
- you're a hero.
- No, I'm not a hero. I'm in big trouble.
You're a hero, and
you're in big trouble.
What happened to Ricky's
shirt? He's topless.
- I don't know.
- He's bad.
No, he isn't. I'm bad.
I should never have threatened anyone.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Please, please do not say
anything to Mom and Dad.
They are still going to find out.
- Maybe not.
- Yes, they are.
OK, fine, but let me tell them.
Let me tell them.
No you can't 'cause you
don't know what happened.
Yes, I do.
No, you only know what you saw.
I can explain. I'll explain.
You have to let me explain.
Grace Kathleen Bowman!
BIBLICAL BABE BATTLES BAD BOYS
You know George is gonna put
this in a frame and send it to me.
You're concerned about what
George is gonna think. Great.
Grace, get down here!
I can explain...
...Daddy.
So where was your shirt?
She called me from a street corner.
She had a fight with her
boyfriend or something.
And you didn't have
time to put on a shirt?
She was on a street corner.
I don't remember hearing you leave
our house in the middle of the night.
And I don't remember your coming
home earlier from your appointment.
Now, there's a lot of coming and
going without anyone seeing you.
Do you have an invisibility
formula or something?
No. I was just quiet.
So you quietly slipped
out of bed without
a shirt on to rescue
a damsel in distress?
Yeah. I didn't know she
was gonna... shank a guy.
- It's kinda funny.
- Is it?
I didn't know I was gonna be on
camera, or I would've worn a shirt.
- Really?
- Maybe not.
You know what I think?
I think you weren't at home.
I think you were somewhere else without
your shirt on when you got that call.
- I'm thinking girlfriend.
- Who?
- Amy Juergens.
- Where'd you hear that?
I hear a lot of things. I'm a
social worker. I'm very social.
I am not dating Amy
Juergens. I've never been out
with Amy Juergens, expect
one night at band camp.
That wasn't even a
date. We just hung out.
Hung out or hooked up?
Please, she's, like, 12.
OK, so what about the
majorette... Adrian?
- Adrian?
- I hear a lot.
I'm very social, and I know
everything, sooner or later.
No more questions, OK?
I feel like I'm in court.
I imagine more than a few people are
gonna be asking you questions today.
Mom, make him stop.
Tell your mother why
you're dressed like that.
- Dressed like what?
- Not like you're usually dressed.
- Is it a costume?
- No.
- You didn't suddenly get religious?
- No.
Then what is it? You can tell us.
Oh, no. You're not having sex, are you?
Sex? Her? Isn't that the
opposite of having sex? Are you?
And who would I be having sex with?
Never mind. Just answer the question.
Ashley, your father heard a rumor.
There were two women in the store...
They couldn't be talking
about Amy. Or you, either.
You cannot have sex. Neither can your
sister. I thought I made that clear.
- Ashley, are you having sex?
- I said she wasn't.
Customers in your store
heard I'm having sex?
How would they know I'm having sex?
The only person who knows is me...
and my lover.
Oh. She's lying. You better
be lying. You're 12 years old.
- 13.
- Oh, God.
It made me wanna be a Christian.
Really, maybe we could
go to church this Sunday.
Imagine kneeling down in prayer
and then... whack. Amazing.
Yeah, amazing. I need to
find Madison and Lauren.
I have to tell them something.
Something you can't
tell me, your boyfriend?
- Yeah.
- Is everything OK?
Yeah.
I'm waxing on and on about Grace
Bowman like I have a crush on her.
Grace Bowman means nothing to
me. Really, it was a funny image.
Mm, hysterical.
OK, I've talked about this way
too much. Not just way too much.
A tremendous amount too much.
Heh. But, hey, who knew
she was seeing Ricky?
Oh, I have to go, but
I'll talk to you later, OK?
No, no, no. Please don't go if
you're angry with me. I can't take it.
Ben, I'm not angry. I promise.
I just... I have to go.
OK, well, if you're not angry
with me, then tell me what
you're not telling me, but
you're telling your girlfriends.
Is it that Ricky and
Grace are dating and Ricky
had his shirt off, so
maybe the two of them are...
You still have a thing for
Ricky Ticky Rum-Pum-Pum-Pum?
No, I don't, and I never did.
I think you did at one time.
Uh, snap.
Bye.
Oh, books are hard.
You need any help with your studies?
I hear you got lots of cash.
I do OK with schoolwork.
Yeah, well, you can always do better.
Aspirin?
Not unless it helps cure idiocy.
- I can't believe I did that.
- What now?
First, I go on and on about
that action-hero cheerleader,
Grace Bowman, forgetting
that they have some sort
of weird history of
unspoken competition.
Then I accuse Amy of still
having a thing for Ricky.
I should've never kissed her.
Now I'm afraid of losing her.
I can't... lose her. I can't.
Maybe a bottle of aspirin.
- How'd you leave it?
- She didn't say anything.
She just walked off.
That's not good. That means she wants
to think about what she says next.
When chicks think...
When chicks think.
What's wrong with you?
Are you as stupid as he is?
I guess.
Chicks.
She is gonna get a
movie deal out of that.
She'll have time to make a movie. She's
probably gonna get kicked off the squad.
Why?
Um, she's a cheerleader
wearing our school uniform,
and she's hugging some guy with
his shirt off on a street corner at,
like, midnight, after
trying to cut a guy.
Come on, that's hardly a positive
representation of our school.
- Excuse me, can I talk to you?
- We were talking about Grace.
Did you see it?
Yeah, I've seen it. I really need
to talk to you, though, alone.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
Oh, it's just Amy's so shy, you know.
That's w she wants to talk to us alone.
She's really shy.
Shy? I heard she and Ricky, you know...
Yeah, I know. The whole school knows.
Why would you tell them that?
Well, I didn't want her to
think that you were... rude.
And why would your sister say she's
having sex if she's not having sex?
She loves attention?
She knows about the baby.
OK, I thought we weren't
talking about the...
We weren't, but...
I can't let Ashley get in
trouble because she's trying
to distract my parents from
what's going on with me.
I just can't.
Now I'm gonna have to talk about it.
You do have to, Amy. You do.
And you have to tell your parents.
That is not what you say to
someone in this situation.
Yes, it is, and it's what
I've been saying all along.
You agree with me in private,
but you don't have the nerve
to tell her what you
really think to her face?
What kind of friend are you,
Madison? Tell her the truth.
What? You know I'm right, so...
grow up, Madison, and you, too, Amy.
Be responsible. Talk to
your parents. Get some help.
It's OK. You're doin'
good. You're doin' so good.
Take that off.
I can't. I'd get kicked out of school.
I love this shirt.
No one's gonna know it's mine.
- She will.
- She?
Grace.
Grace Bowman and I are
friends, and she would never
be interested in me as
anything other than a friend.
Don't bet on that.
- Way to go.
- That was some testimony, Grace.
Way to kick butt, Gracie.
Grace the angel.
- Do they know?
- Know?
- That we've been seeing each other.
- They know.
And they know I've been lying.
So they know I've been
lying, too? I should've never
let you talk me into this arrangement.
Maybe they'll realize
I'm not so bad after all.
Are you kidding me? They're
furious with you and Ricky and me.
I'm kinda furious with
you and Ricky, too.
Where was his shirt, by the way?
I don't know. You dumped me on
a street corner and took off.
That was the plan.
Why aren't you in your uniform?
I'm giving up cheerleading.
Your parents are making you do that?
- I'm volunteering to do it.
- Why?
That's what my punishment should
be for lying to my parents.
I offered up every other punishment I
could think of, and they stared at me.
They're the ones that
put you in this position.
They're not stupid. They probably
knew we were sneaking around.
They definitely didn't believe
you were friends with that idiot
drummer or dating him or whatever
the heck you were telling 'em.
What makes you think you're
any better than Ricky?
I am better than Ricky.
Don't get angry at me.
If he hadn't been late, none
of this would've happened.
No, none of this would've happened
if you hadn't kissed Adrian.
Grace, are you OK?
I wanted to call you this morning,
but I didn't know if I should.
I'm so sorry I wasn't
there sooner last night.
This is all my fault.
Hope this doesn't mean you
and Jack are breaking up.
Of course it means we're breaking
up. He never should've left me alone.
Don't blame him. I
should've been there on time.
He didn't apologize. All
he's concerned about is you.
- He's so jealous.
- Of me? What?
He thinks you wanna go out with me
or something. He always thought that.
Who doesn't, especially
after seeing you on the news.
- That was so embarrassing.
- Come on, it's over. It was funny.
Although, I admit, last night...
it was pretty scary, wasn't it?
Yes, it was, and nobody seems
at all concerned about that.
I could've been hurt or... violated.
Yeah... but you weren't.
Could've been, but you weren't.
I think that's what everyone's feelin',
relief that you weren't
hurt or... violated.
You making fun of me?
Would I ever make fun of you?
I don't know. Would you?
Probably, but I know I'd never leave you
alone, drop you off on a street corner.
Who does that? I'm just glad you're OK.
Me too.
And I'm sorry you were scared
and had to defend yourself.
I'm really proud of you.
Thank you. I'm not very proud of myself.
I never should've been
sneaking around with Jack.
You're right. If it had been me,
I'd keep going back to your
dad until he could trust me.
This is his shirt.
Thisis where he left it.
Wow, is everyone goin' crazy?
Is everyone walking
around with their shirts off?
I could walk around
with my shirt off, too.
I'd probably look a lot
better than he did. Huh?
See this? This is what
a real man looks like.
Ach! That's it. OK, it's over.
You're not a man, you're a child.
Dude, have some dignity.
Hey, there you are.
Ben, Amy. Aw, what a cute couple.
Dad, can you please wait in the car?
Been waiting in the
car for a half an hour.
Hi, sir. It's good to
see you. How are you?
Fine. Saw your dad in the parking lot.
He's awaiting for me to ask Amy if
she'd like to get something to eat.
I don't think there's
anything wrong with that.
Dad, it's totally fine. You've
been waiting for a while,
and Ben and I can go some other time.
I already told the Sausage King
it was OK. That's a nice car.
Had to sell a lot of
sausage for that puppy, huh?
Oh, can we send some
sausage over your way?
Or a nice imported salami, perhaps.
It's a little pricey for this
phase of the relationship.
I know what the mark-up
is on meat, but...
- Dad, please stop.
- No, no. It's fine.
Maybe I'll bring
something over tomorrow.
Maybe you will. All right,
you two behave yourselves.
Oh, hold on. Sir, if you don't mind.
Ah. OK. I will make sure that
this horn gets home in good
condition and you do the same
with that precious cargo there.
Well?
Well, you could've asked me if
I wanted to get something to eat.
You always want something
to eat. You're always hungry.
You don't wanna eat?
- I tried to ask you.
- When?
I called your cell, I called
your house phone, I left a note
in your locker, I e-mailed
you, I sent you a text.
OK, Ben, nobody e-mails anymore,
and I didn't get your text.
Yeah, you did.
I didn't read it.
Said the same thing
as the other messages.
"I'm sorry. I'm an idiot, as usual.
"Let's get something to eat
after the game, and I love you. "
Sometimes I just need to talk
to my friends, my girlfriends.
I know that.
I said I was sorry.
Oh, just between you and I,
I think that Henry and Alice
are gonna take that next
step in their relationship.
Yeah, first base, maybe even second.
They had a big fight,
and they're gonna make
up tonight, so that's
what he was planning.
- So?
- So nothing.
I hope you don't think
that we're ready to take
that next step just because
you and I got in a fight.
No.
OK, well, why would you tell me that?
Because you're the person I tell all
my secrets to. You're the woman I love.
- OK, you do not.
- Oh, I do too.
Come on, let's go.
Please?
Uh, the reporters are still
camped out across the street.
What do they want?
They wanna talk to
Gracie. They went to the
game. She wasn't there.
They wanna interview her.
I think she's being too hard on herself.
I don't think she should
have quit cheerleading.
I think she should have.
Maybe you don't realize how big of a deal
it is to be a cheerleader in high school.
I do not want my
daughter attaching all of her
self-worth to the fact
she's a cheerleader.
She's not.
Honey, she loves it, and
it is so good for her.
Telling the truth is also good for her.
Taking responsibility
for having once not
told the truth... that's
even better for her.
Ah, don't worry. She'll figure
out something to do with her time.
Hey. Maybe she can be
the night rent-a-cop
at the drive-in deli
on Frontage Road, hmm?
It's not funny.
OK, honey, she's 15.
She-She made a mistake.
Yeah, she made a mistake, a big mistake.
She made a surprisingly big mistake.
Well... at least she
didn't make the same mistake
Amy Juergens made.
She still in the band?
Sweetheart, I told you that
in confidence, all right?
This is a doctor-patient
confidentiality thing.
I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say
it again, not to me, not to anybody else.
Hey, I thought you were
going out after the game.
No.
- Oh. So, who won?
- We did.
That's good. How did halftime go?
Hey, you got anything to drink?
One of your little liquor bottles
from the airline, shot of scotch?
I'm getting it. Adrian just walked in.
- I saw your boyfriend on the news.
- Oh, are they still running that?
- He's cute.
- He's not my boyfriend.
- Then what is he?
- I don't know.
What's the guy in your
room? What do you call him?
A friend, an old friend. It's not what
you're thinking. He just dropped by.
Yeah, whatever. As long as I
don't have to call him uncle.
- What?
- So how have you been?
Oh, hi, Jack. I knew you'd call.
Hey. I thought you were
coming home with your father.
Yeah, I thought so, too,
but Ben invited me to...
Do you have any idea where he is?
He said he was gonna go shoot some pool.
Did that a lot when
we first got married.
- Played a lot of pool.
- Mom.
- Is everything OK?
- I don't know.
I really don't know.
Amy, I have to ask you something.
- I- I didn't do anything.
- Oh, God, I'm not accusing you.
You're perfect. Close to perfect.
Both my girls are.
Although I really don't know why Ashley
wants me to think she's having sex.
I don't think she's having sex.
What I think she's doing is she's trying
to stir something up to distract me.
She does that, you know.
She senses that there's a problem,
so she creates another one.
I think she's trying to protect someone.
Amy, I think that your father...
Oh, I shouldn't be
talking to you about this.
You're way too young for this.
Yeah, probably.
Good night, Mom.
Oh, honey, I didn't mean
to upset you. No, I'm sorry.
I love you. You know that.
Thank you for being such a
wonderful daughter. Thank you.
I heard Grace's parents are making
her quit the cheerleading squad.
What?
So... what's the big emergency?
No emergency. Just wanted to talk.
But not on the phone.
So what's up? Besides you.
- Can I come in?
- I guess. My mom just left.
What do you want? Like
I don't know already.
You know, maybe, Adrian, maybe
I don't just want sex from you.
You ever thought about that?
Maybe I want a relationship.
Maybe, if you can believe it,
maybe I care about you as a person.
Maybe.
Or maybe this isn't about sex,
maybe you just need someone
to write your English Lit
paper for you before Monday.
Are you volunteering to write my paper?
- No, I'm not.
- I don't care. That's not what I want.
I want you to come to
church with me tomorrow.
Ew. Church?
Every relationship needs a
good foundation, and if our
foundation was Christ, I think
even you and I could make it.
Make it?
I want a girlfriend, a real girlfriend,
and in order for you to be my
girlfriend, we need more than just
being physically attracted to each other.
Oh, you are so full of it, Jack,
OK? Come on, what do you really want?
I mean, why would you want
me to go to church with you?
Oh. Grace? You wanna make Grace jealous?
Well, that would be a bonus, of course,
in addition to introducing you to Christ.
Of course.
She's not interested
in you right now, huh?
She's interested in Ricky?
All right.
My mom has a new boyfriend, and I
wanna get out of the house anyway.
How is our crime-fighting, cheerleading
little witch doing this morning, anyway?
Didn't you see the news?
Oh, please, how many times can
people really watch that tape?
There's a new one.
Over and over. It gets
better and better every time.
They told me this guy is Ricky.
He is a drummer. He's in the band.
And what's your sister's
relationship with him?
He's her friend.
Oh, he looks like a pretty good friend.
- Hey, Mother, you're on TV.
- Turn off the camera.
How dare you, you lowlife?
Can you believe that? They
took advantage of the kid.
Can I believe it? Sure I could believe
it. It's a big cruel world out there.
People will do anything.
What do you think, uh, happened to
the two guys that attacked Grace?
Wouldn't they get arrested or something?
For what?
I don't know. Sexual harassment?
Are you kidding? They'd probably come
back and sue her for threatening them.
This is how the world
works. It's unfair.
Not everybody's nice.
Sometimes people take advantage
of other people... nice people.
What's with all the
negativity, Sausage King?
I don't know. I'm not just a
sausage king. I'm a realist.
Wha...? Since when?
Always.
- Is there something wrong?
- Not that I know of.
So, uh, is it OK with you if I take
the Juergenses a little gift basket?
Couple of salamis, a few
kielbasas, package of franks.
Little deli mustard. Ooh,
maybe a pickle or two?
You take her anything you
want. She's a nice girl.
She is.
Got a good appetite, too, that girl.
Yeah, she does.
You're not fooling
around with her, are you?
What?
- You serious?
- I'm trying to be serious.
What would make you ask
me something like that?
I don't know. I... I see things.
Do you see things or do you hear things?
Because don't always
believe what you hear.
- Have I ever?
- No.
So why would I now?
I mean, besides, I
haven't heard anything.
- What's to hear?
- Nothing.
She's a nice girl, Ben, but
things don't always work out
the way we plan,
especially if we don't plan.
OK, you've completely lost me here.
Is she pregnant?
- Pregnant?
- Yeah, you know...
- is she gonna have a baby?
- Wha...?
Amy? Are we still
talking about Amy, or...?
No.
W... I... She can't be
pregnant. I just kissed her.
Just that one kiss. It was
just a kiss. What... No.
Where's Mom?
She's cleaning out her
closet or something.
Why?
Oh, I-I was j-just...
just wondering.
Did you want something?
- Th-The thing is that...
- What's with the stuttering?
- I thought you were over that.
- I am.
Looks like my competition's
running a sale.
I gotta go down to the
store and lower prices.
Not one of my favorite things.
Dad, Ashley's not having sex.
Yeah, I didn't think so.
But she really wants people to
think that, even her parents.
She pulls these stunts when she's
trying to distract us from something.
It's the old "watch the right hand while
the left hand's doin' something else. "
She's quite a magician, that one.
Maybe she's just, you know,
saying that she's having
sex because she's trying
to cover for someone who is?
And who would that be?
Me. I did it. Dad, everybody's talking
about it. She was just covering for me.
- You did not have sex. I know you!
- Dad, you don't know me.
I did have sex.
- Yeah, right.
- OK, you two, what is goin' on?
I think we need to talk.
- What do you mean, the four of us?
- The two of us.
Why do these young girls want everyone to
think they're having sex? I don't get it.
I don't either, unless...
Are you having sex?
I think you know the answer
to that. You're my wife.
What, do you mean with
someone other than you?
Don't be ridiculous.
- You idiot. You can't tell them.
- Ashley, I have to.
No, you don't. I think
they're having a big fight.
- With each other?
- Yeah.
Hi, Ben.
Hey, Amy, I was thinkin',
let's go out tonight.
Um, I don't think I can. I have
to do something with my family.
Yeah, I'm sorry. It's
not a good day here.
All right. Well, uh... you wanna talk?
I don't think so. Maybe tomorrow.
Tomorrow seems like
a long time from now.
But it's a Sunday. I like Sundays.
Especially in the afternoon.
Uh, you wanna study?
I'll make you some wings.
Come on. You love wings.
With a little ranch on the side.
Well, maybe I could. OK.
So... what time? Noon?
Did you tell him yet?
- Should I?
- I don't know. I'm 12.
13.
Wow. That's a nice dress you have there.
Mm. No, just a skirt and
a blouse, but thank you.
You're welcome. Thank
you for wearing it.
Well, you don't look so bad yourself.
Thank you.
I don't think I've ever
been to a Protestant
church before. Are you sure this is OK?
It's the only conservative out fit I own.
Yeah, I think
that's-that's definitely OK.
- So how much time do we have?
- We have a few minutes.
Good. If my mind serves me correctly,
a few minutes is all the time we need.
Oh, no-no. I can't do that again.
- Are you sure?
- Before church?
- Yeah. Why not?
- Why not? Are you kidding?
I think God would understand
if two people wanted to...
be together in a Biblical
sense before going to church.
No. I don't think he would
understand at all, actually.
Why not? God made me, God
made you. God made me and you.
I think the Devil may have
more to do with me and you.
Oh, what's the matter?
Didn't you have a good time last time?
I had a great time, but it wasn't worth
all the guilt and trouble it caused.
I think you like trouble, and so do I.
That's why we're going to
church together, isn't it?
Look, everyone's gonna think
we're doing something anyway,
so we might as well be
doing something, right?
Wrong. I don't care what
everyone else thinks.
It's what I think. I think
sex before marriage is a sin.
Well, aren't we all sinners?
Yeah, but...
OK, look, we'll go to
confession afterwards.
We don't have confession.
- No?
- No.
Well, what do you have?
We have guilt, shame, regret.
Yeah, we got those.
I don't think I want
to be a part of that.
But besides, I don't think that you'll
regret just one more time, would you?
Yes, I would.
OK, look, I don't think it's gonna make
Ricky jealous if we just go to church.
It might make Grace jealous, but
it's not going to make Ricky jealous.
So I really don't get anything
out of this unless we do something.
We can make out. I think that'd be OK.
- You wanna make out?
- We can start with that.
No, I swear, we can't do
anything more than that.
- More than that would be a sin.
- Oh, what, is it in the Bible?
- Yes, it's in the Bible.
- You're making that up.
No, I'm not.
Where in the Bible does it say that we
can't do more than
make out before church?
I don't know, but I'm sure
it's in there somewhere.
- Deuteronomy, maybe?
- What about after church?
Revelations. I don't know.
- Can we just get outta here? Please?
- Sure.
Are there any rules that say that what
we can or cannot do on the ride over?
Help.
You look as good in a
shirt as without one.
This is a very nice look.
Very nice.
So, wait, you're not...
- Goin' to church.
- Ricky, come on, don't do this.
- Bye.
- Wait, please.
I can't believe you'd try to
keep me from goin' to church.
If you were going for a good
reason, I wouldn't try to stop you.
I would encourage you,
but you are going to church
just so that you can
"get with" Grace Bowman.
- That's pretty scary.
- You wanna hear something scarier?
Once you get with Grace, you're gonna
feel sick for taking advantage of her.
You're gonna withdraw from
her, never call her again.
That's what you do. That's the pattern.
- I don't have a pattern, OK?
- Yes, you do, sweetheart.
And Grace Bowman, who
tries to be perfect,
is gonna be flawed,
at least in her eyes,
and who knows if she can live with that
kind of imperfection? Her or her parents.
It's a bigger deal to this young
woman than I think you can understand.
I'm giving you good advice here.
Don't.
Still too sick to go to church?
Oh, the Lord, he works
in mysterious ways.
Yeah, he does.
Honey, thanks for encouraging Grace
to get back on the cheer squad.
Ah, of course.
I'm surprised that you did
not realize what a big deal
it is for a young girl to be
a cheerleader in high school.
Oh, really? Unbelievable.
You know what, sweetie?
If we get our butts moving,
we can still make the sermon.
Oh, no. Nope, I-I'm far...
- ... too sick for that.
- OK.
You're such a baby.
She's a powerful girl, Grace Bowman.
She's our very own
Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
She's a beautiful example
of faith in the power of God.
- I told you, you're a hero.
- I'll be right back, Tom, OK?
Grace, come over here. This
is the young lady right here.
- Are you Grace Bowman?
- Yeah, I am.
Terrific. I really wasn't expecting
you to show up, but I was hoping.
I just wanna say that
it's very kind of our
minister to speak so highly
of me after what I did.
But that's just how he
is, and that's how our
church members are...
supportive and caring.
- And even though I made a mistake...
- And what was your mistake, exactly?
I was sneaking around trying
to see a guy my parents didn't
want me to see, and it was
wrong to do that, very wrong.
My parents know what's best
for me, and they always have
my best interests at heart,
and I didn't listen to them.
And so I found myself on a street corner
late at night, waiting for a guy to
pick me up to pretend to be my date, and
I got myself in a very scary situation.
Then you got yourself out.
Well, I think I must have had a
guardian angel looking out for me.
I see. Guardian angel.
That's the explanation.
Not everything in this
life can be explained.
And do you have an explanation as
to why your friend was shirtless?
Well, the guy I wasn't
supposed to be seeing
dropped me off, and so
I called my friend and
I woke him up, and so
he jumped out of bed,
got in his car and raced
over to help me out.
We like to think that
when we do the wrong
thing or make a bad
decision it only affects us,
but that obviously isn't
true, and I just wanna say I'm
so sorry for any problems
I might have caused anyone.
Isn't that your friend over there?
Yeah, it is.
Ooh, Ricky Underwood. Jackpot.
Hey. Ricky.
Hey, Ricky.
- Hey, Grace.
- Hey, Adrian.
Welcome... everyone.
- That preacher bugs me.
- Yeah. Me too.
I like that. We don't
like the same people.
You're practically family.
- Vegetarians.
- Hate 'em.
- Earth Day?
- Please. Here's one.
Al Gore. Come to Papa.
It's you two versus the
entire planet on that one.
I love Al Gore.
Hi, Ben. You're-You're early.
Is that any way to talk to the
guy who brought this basket?
There's enough meat in
here to last us the winter.
Jeez, that thing is huge.
Well, my feelings for you are...
Very big.
- You almost ready to go?
- Yeah, anytime. Got your books?
Yeah.
Thanks.
What's that?
Dad, is that your suitcase?
Uh... yeah, furniture
thing. Gotta go to Vegas.
I didn't know.
I'll be back in a couple days.
OK.
OK, you two have fun. Study.
Got it.
Bye.
of the American Teenager"...
I'd like to know why I got a bill
from the insurance company for Amy
when I know for a fact she's at least
six months overdue for her physical.
My clothes no longer
fit because I'm fat.
I've kissed her, but I
really wanna kiss her.
How old will you be when you stop letting
your parents make your decisions for you?
You're very smart.
Don't go spreading that around.
Might ruin my reputation.
Dr. Hightower has a new
doctor in the office.
Grace Bowman's dad.
I wanna date Jack. Please.
You haven't told her
or your dad, have you?
No.
- You love this girl, I can see it.
- I do.
- What's going on?
- You tell me.
OK, then drop her off
and come back over here.
- I can't do that.
- Are you having a baby?
Yeah.
I forgot to do this.
Phone.
Yeah.
Ricky? Hey, are you still picking me up?
- I'll be right there.
- If you could hurry. I'm here by myself.
- Where's Jack?
- He had curfew. He had to leave.
Yeah. Don't panic. I'm on the way.
Gimme my shirt. I gotta go. I
told you not to let me go to sleep.
- It's my fault you fall asleep?
- My shirt.
Can't she just get a taxi or
something? Or just grow up and tell
her parents that she's dating
Jack whether they like it or not?
Adrian, come on. I gotta go.
- Fine, I'll go without my shirt.
- OK.
I'll give it to you.
On second thought, I think I'll keep it.
All right.
Hey, I could use a little cheerin' up.
What's your name, little girl?
Who you waiting for honey? You
want a ride? We'll give you a ride.
Gotta give us a ride first.
I'm calling the police.
You're not calling anyone, are you?
What the hell's going on here?
You OK?
If you're just joining us for the
morning news, you have to see this one.
Guards at a neighborhood bank were
surprised to find this
footage this morning,
I bet a lot of people
are going to be surprised.
Including that guy's wife, probably.
What do you think is the backstory here?
No one's identified
her yet, but if we run
this a few more times,
I'm sure someone will.
Obviously we have the high school.
- All we need is the yearbook.
- Tried that. She must be a freshman.
- I wonder what church she goes to.
- I wonder what church he goes to.
Look at him.
Makes me wanna go back
to high school again.
When did you get out of
high school, last year?
Get up. Come on, you gotta see this.
They're gonna talk about it at
school all day, I guarantee it.
- OK.
- Hurry.
Now I'm not knocking
anyone else's religion
when I say this, but
whatever hers is, it works.
Aw, come on. Let's see it again.
- Should we show it again?
- Show it again.
Just show it.
Cheerleaders have changed
a lot since my day.
You cannot believe.
Naw, Jimbo. They didn't have
security cameras back then.
Wait, this is my favorite part.
Oh, come on. The best part's the prayer.
- You go to church.
- No.
I might start now if that's what
they're preaching these days.
I might even go to a
high-school football game.
Oh, man. Little Miss Goodie Two Shoes
threatening to cut a
guy with a beer bottle.
And she's out with some
shirtless moron at midnight
in some skeevy part of
town. Don't you love it?
Why would I love it?
'Cause we're family. You gotta dislike
who I dislike. That's called loyalty.
I dislike the Bowmans, so this
is funny to me and to our family.
OK. I don't dislike Grace
Bowman. I don't know her.
Yeah, well, I do. I know her mother,
anyway. That's why this is funny.
Tables have turned, huh?
These two high-falutin' churchgoers
have a little problem child.
Who's that shirtless guy?
I've seen him somewhere.
Oh, uh, I don't know.
W- Why would I know that?
OK. It's all right. No
pressure to identify the guy.
- You sure you don't know?
- Uh... uh, I'm not sure.
Oh, he's, uh, he's just-just
some kid in the band.
OK, OK. You weren't with them in
the skeevy part of town, were ya?
No.
OK, gotta get ready for school.
Thank you, Dad, for, uh, the laugh.
I'm a loving father.
What's with the nun's outfit?
You better not be up to
something, young lady.
- I have a court appearance.
- A court appearance?
- Joking.
- More like lying.
- What are you lying about?
- Nothing.
- Are you on drugs?
- No.
- Why can't I get a straight answer?
- Why can't you tell me I look nice?
See?
Ah, oh, the eye roll. Perfect.
Well, that's more like it.
Please, just one more time.
There are more important
things going on in the world,
like Iraq, Iran, Pakistan,
the build up of Al-qaeda.
Hah, what the heck?
One more time.
Ha. Thanks, Jimbo.
Wait, this is my favorite part.
Oh, come on, the best part's the prayer.
Mom and Dad's gonna be surprised.
Yeah, they are.
- You know...
- I can explain.
- you're a hero.
- No, I'm not a hero. I'm in big trouble.
You're a hero, and
you're in big trouble.
What happened to Ricky's
shirt? He's topless.
- I don't know.
- He's bad.
No, he isn't. I'm bad.
I should never have threatened anyone.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Please, please do not say
anything to Mom and Dad.
They are still going to find out.
- Maybe not.
- Yes, they are.
OK, fine, but let me tell them.
Let me tell them.
No you can't 'cause you
don't know what happened.
Yes, I do.
No, you only know what you saw.
I can explain. I'll explain.
You have to let me explain.
Grace Kathleen Bowman!
BIBLICAL BABE BATTLES BAD BOYS
You know George is gonna put
this in a frame and send it to me.
You're concerned about what
George is gonna think. Great.
Grace, get down here!
I can explain...
...Daddy.
So where was your shirt?
She called me from a street corner.
She had a fight with her
boyfriend or something.
And you didn't have
time to put on a shirt?
She was on a street corner.
I don't remember hearing you leave
our house in the middle of the night.
And I don't remember your coming
home earlier from your appointment.
Now, there's a lot of coming and
going without anyone seeing you.
Do you have an invisibility
formula or something?
No. I was just quiet.
So you quietly slipped
out of bed without
a shirt on to rescue
a damsel in distress?
Yeah. I didn't know she
was gonna... shank a guy.
- It's kinda funny.
- Is it?
I didn't know I was gonna be on
camera, or I would've worn a shirt.
- Really?
- Maybe not.
You know what I think?
I think you weren't at home.
I think you were somewhere else without
your shirt on when you got that call.
- I'm thinking girlfriend.
- Who?
- Amy Juergens.
- Where'd you hear that?
I hear a lot of things. I'm a
social worker. I'm very social.
I am not dating Amy
Juergens. I've never been out
with Amy Juergens, expect
one night at band camp.
That wasn't even a
date. We just hung out.
Hung out or hooked up?
Please, she's, like, 12.
OK, so what about the
majorette... Adrian?
- Adrian?
- I hear a lot.
I'm very social, and I know
everything, sooner or later.
No more questions, OK?
I feel like I'm in court.
I imagine more than a few people are
gonna be asking you questions today.
Mom, make him stop.
Tell your mother why
you're dressed like that.
- Dressed like what?
- Not like you're usually dressed.
- Is it a costume?
- No.
- You didn't suddenly get religious?
- No.
Then what is it? You can tell us.
Oh, no. You're not having sex, are you?
Sex? Her? Isn't that the
opposite of having sex? Are you?
And who would I be having sex with?
Never mind. Just answer the question.
Ashley, your father heard a rumor.
There were two women in the store...
They couldn't be talking
about Amy. Or you, either.
You cannot have sex. Neither can your
sister. I thought I made that clear.
- Ashley, are you having sex?
- I said she wasn't.
Customers in your store
heard I'm having sex?
How would they know I'm having sex?
The only person who knows is me...
and my lover.
Oh. She's lying. You better
be lying. You're 12 years old.
- 13.
- Oh, God.
It made me wanna be a Christian.
Really, maybe we could
go to church this Sunday.
Imagine kneeling down in prayer
and then... whack. Amazing.
Yeah, amazing. I need to
find Madison and Lauren.
I have to tell them something.
Something you can't
tell me, your boyfriend?
- Yeah.
- Is everything OK?
Yeah.
I'm waxing on and on about Grace
Bowman like I have a crush on her.
Grace Bowman means nothing to
me. Really, it was a funny image.
Mm, hysterical.
OK, I've talked about this way
too much. Not just way too much.
A tremendous amount too much.
Heh. But, hey, who knew
she was seeing Ricky?
Oh, I have to go, but
I'll talk to you later, OK?
No, no, no. Please don't go if
you're angry with me. I can't take it.
Ben, I'm not angry. I promise.
I just... I have to go.
OK, well, if you're not angry
with me, then tell me what
you're not telling me, but
you're telling your girlfriends.
Is it that Ricky and
Grace are dating and Ricky
had his shirt off, so
maybe the two of them are...
You still have a thing for
Ricky Ticky Rum-Pum-Pum-Pum?
No, I don't, and I never did.
I think you did at one time.
Uh, snap.
Bye.
Oh, books are hard.
You need any help with your studies?
I hear you got lots of cash.
I do OK with schoolwork.
Yeah, well, you can always do better.
Aspirin?
Not unless it helps cure idiocy.
- I can't believe I did that.
- What now?
First, I go on and on about
that action-hero cheerleader,
Grace Bowman, forgetting
that they have some sort
of weird history of
unspoken competition.
Then I accuse Amy of still
having a thing for Ricky.
I should've never kissed her.
Now I'm afraid of losing her.
I can't... lose her. I can't.
Maybe a bottle of aspirin.
- How'd you leave it?
- She didn't say anything.
She just walked off.
That's not good. That means she wants
to think about what she says next.
When chicks think...
When chicks think.
What's wrong with you?
Are you as stupid as he is?
I guess.
Chicks.
She is gonna get a
movie deal out of that.
She'll have time to make a movie. She's
probably gonna get kicked off the squad.
Why?
Um, she's a cheerleader
wearing our school uniform,
and she's hugging some guy with
his shirt off on a street corner at,
like, midnight, after
trying to cut a guy.
Come on, that's hardly a positive
representation of our school.
- Excuse me, can I talk to you?
- We were talking about Grace.
Did you see it?
Yeah, I've seen it. I really need
to talk to you, though, alone.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
Oh, it's just Amy's so shy, you know.
That's w she wants to talk to us alone.
She's really shy.
Shy? I heard she and Ricky, you know...
Yeah, I know. The whole school knows.
Why would you tell them that?
Well, I didn't want her to
think that you were... rude.
And why would your sister say she's
having sex if she's not having sex?
She loves attention?
She knows about the baby.
OK, I thought we weren't
talking about the...
We weren't, but...
I can't let Ashley get in
trouble because she's trying
to distract my parents from
what's going on with me.
I just can't.
Now I'm gonna have to talk about it.
You do have to, Amy. You do.
And you have to tell your parents.
That is not what you say to
someone in this situation.
Yes, it is, and it's what
I've been saying all along.
You agree with me in private,
but you don't have the nerve
to tell her what you
really think to her face?
What kind of friend are you,
Madison? Tell her the truth.
What? You know I'm right, so...
grow up, Madison, and you, too, Amy.
Be responsible. Talk to
your parents. Get some help.
It's OK. You're doin'
good. You're doin' so good.
Take that off.
I can't. I'd get kicked out of school.
I love this shirt.
No one's gonna know it's mine.
- She will.
- She?
Grace.
Grace Bowman and I are
friends, and she would never
be interested in me as
anything other than a friend.
Don't bet on that.
- Way to go.
- That was some testimony, Grace.
Way to kick butt, Gracie.
Grace the angel.
- Do they know?
- Know?
- That we've been seeing each other.
- They know.
And they know I've been lying.
So they know I've been
lying, too? I should've never
let you talk me into this arrangement.
Maybe they'll realize
I'm not so bad after all.
Are you kidding me? They're
furious with you and Ricky and me.
I'm kinda furious with
you and Ricky, too.
Where was his shirt, by the way?
I don't know. You dumped me on
a street corner and took off.
That was the plan.
Why aren't you in your uniform?
I'm giving up cheerleading.
Your parents are making you do that?
- I'm volunteering to do it.
- Why?
That's what my punishment should
be for lying to my parents.
I offered up every other punishment I
could think of, and they stared at me.
They're the ones that
put you in this position.
They're not stupid. They probably
knew we were sneaking around.
They definitely didn't believe
you were friends with that idiot
drummer or dating him or whatever
the heck you were telling 'em.
What makes you think you're
any better than Ricky?
I am better than Ricky.
Don't get angry at me.
If he hadn't been late, none
of this would've happened.
No, none of this would've happened
if you hadn't kissed Adrian.
Grace, are you OK?
I wanted to call you this morning,
but I didn't know if I should.
I'm so sorry I wasn't
there sooner last night.
This is all my fault.
Hope this doesn't mean you
and Jack are breaking up.
Of course it means we're breaking
up. He never should've left me alone.
Don't blame him. I
should've been there on time.
He didn't apologize. All
he's concerned about is you.
- He's so jealous.
- Of me? What?
He thinks you wanna go out with me
or something. He always thought that.
Who doesn't, especially
after seeing you on the news.
- That was so embarrassing.
- Come on, it's over. It was funny.
Although, I admit, last night...
it was pretty scary, wasn't it?
Yes, it was, and nobody seems
at all concerned about that.
I could've been hurt or... violated.
Yeah... but you weren't.
Could've been, but you weren't.
I think that's what everyone's feelin',
relief that you weren't
hurt or... violated.
You making fun of me?
Would I ever make fun of you?
I don't know. Would you?
Probably, but I know I'd never leave you
alone, drop you off on a street corner.
Who does that? I'm just glad you're OK.
Me too.
And I'm sorry you were scared
and had to defend yourself.
I'm really proud of you.
Thank you. I'm not very proud of myself.
I never should've been
sneaking around with Jack.
You're right. If it had been me,
I'd keep going back to your
dad until he could trust me.
This is his shirt.
Thisis where he left it.
Wow, is everyone goin' crazy?
Is everyone walking
around with their shirts off?
I could walk around
with my shirt off, too.
I'd probably look a lot
better than he did. Huh?
See this? This is what
a real man looks like.
Ach! That's it. OK, it's over.
You're not a man, you're a child.
Dude, have some dignity.
Hey, there you are.
Ben, Amy. Aw, what a cute couple.
Dad, can you please wait in the car?
Been waiting in the
car for a half an hour.
Hi, sir. It's good to
see you. How are you?
Fine. Saw your dad in the parking lot.
He's awaiting for me to ask Amy if
she'd like to get something to eat.
I don't think there's
anything wrong with that.
Dad, it's totally fine. You've
been waiting for a while,
and Ben and I can go some other time.
I already told the Sausage King
it was OK. That's a nice car.
Had to sell a lot of
sausage for that puppy, huh?
Oh, can we send some
sausage over your way?
Or a nice imported salami, perhaps.
It's a little pricey for this
phase of the relationship.
I know what the mark-up
is on meat, but...
- Dad, please stop.
- No, no. It's fine.
Maybe I'll bring
something over tomorrow.
Maybe you will. All right,
you two behave yourselves.
Oh, hold on. Sir, if you don't mind.
Ah. OK. I will make sure that
this horn gets home in good
condition and you do the same
with that precious cargo there.
Well?
Well, you could've asked me if
I wanted to get something to eat.
You always want something
to eat. You're always hungry.
You don't wanna eat?
- I tried to ask you.
- When?
I called your cell, I called
your house phone, I left a note
in your locker, I e-mailed
you, I sent you a text.
OK, Ben, nobody e-mails anymore,
and I didn't get your text.
Yeah, you did.
I didn't read it.
Said the same thing
as the other messages.
"I'm sorry. I'm an idiot, as usual.
"Let's get something to eat
after the game, and I love you. "
Sometimes I just need to talk
to my friends, my girlfriends.
I know that.
I said I was sorry.
Oh, just between you and I,
I think that Henry and Alice
are gonna take that next
step in their relationship.
Yeah, first base, maybe even second.
They had a big fight,
and they're gonna make
up tonight, so that's
what he was planning.
- So?
- So nothing.
I hope you don't think
that we're ready to take
that next step just because
you and I got in a fight.
No.
OK, well, why would you tell me that?
Because you're the person I tell all
my secrets to. You're the woman I love.
- OK, you do not.
- Oh, I do too.
Come on, let's go.
Please?
Uh, the reporters are still
camped out across the street.
What do they want?
They wanna talk to
Gracie. They went to the
game. She wasn't there.
They wanna interview her.
I think she's being too hard on herself.
I don't think she should
have quit cheerleading.
I think she should have.
Maybe you don't realize how big of a deal
it is to be a cheerleader in high school.
I do not want my
daughter attaching all of her
self-worth to the fact
she's a cheerleader.
She's not.
Honey, she loves it, and
it is so good for her.
Telling the truth is also good for her.
Taking responsibility
for having once not
told the truth... that's
even better for her.
Ah, don't worry. She'll figure
out something to do with her time.
Hey. Maybe she can be
the night rent-a-cop
at the drive-in deli
on Frontage Road, hmm?
It's not funny.
OK, honey, she's 15.
She-She made a mistake.
Yeah, she made a mistake, a big mistake.
She made a surprisingly big mistake.
Well... at least she
didn't make the same mistake
Amy Juergens made.
She still in the band?
Sweetheart, I told you that
in confidence, all right?
This is a doctor-patient
confidentiality thing.
I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say
it again, not to me, not to anybody else.
Hey, I thought you were
going out after the game.
No.
- Oh. So, who won?
- We did.
That's good. How did halftime go?
Hey, you got anything to drink?
One of your little liquor bottles
from the airline, shot of scotch?
I'm getting it. Adrian just walked in.
- I saw your boyfriend on the news.
- Oh, are they still running that?
- He's cute.
- He's not my boyfriend.
- Then what is he?
- I don't know.
What's the guy in your
room? What do you call him?
A friend, an old friend. It's not what
you're thinking. He just dropped by.
Yeah, whatever. As long as I
don't have to call him uncle.
- What?
- So how have you been?
Oh, hi, Jack. I knew you'd call.
Hey. I thought you were
coming home with your father.
Yeah, I thought so, too,
but Ben invited me to...
Do you have any idea where he is?
He said he was gonna go shoot some pool.
Did that a lot when
we first got married.
- Played a lot of pool.
- Mom.
- Is everything OK?
- I don't know.
I really don't know.
Amy, I have to ask you something.
- I- I didn't do anything.
- Oh, God, I'm not accusing you.
You're perfect. Close to perfect.
Both my girls are.
Although I really don't know why Ashley
wants me to think she's having sex.
I don't think she's having sex.
What I think she's doing is she's trying
to stir something up to distract me.
She does that, you know.
She senses that there's a problem,
so she creates another one.
I think she's trying to protect someone.
Amy, I think that your father...
Oh, I shouldn't be
talking to you about this.
You're way too young for this.
Yeah, probably.
Good night, Mom.
Oh, honey, I didn't mean
to upset you. No, I'm sorry.
I love you. You know that.
Thank you for being such a
wonderful daughter. Thank you.
I heard Grace's parents are making
her quit the cheerleading squad.
What?
So... what's the big emergency?
No emergency. Just wanted to talk.
But not on the phone.
So what's up? Besides you.
- Can I come in?
- I guess. My mom just left.
What do you want? Like
I don't know already.
You know, maybe, Adrian, maybe
I don't just want sex from you.
You ever thought about that?
Maybe I want a relationship.
Maybe, if you can believe it,
maybe I care about you as a person.
Maybe.
Or maybe this isn't about sex,
maybe you just need someone
to write your English Lit
paper for you before Monday.
Are you volunteering to write my paper?
- No, I'm not.
- I don't care. That's not what I want.
I want you to come to
church with me tomorrow.
Ew. Church?
Every relationship needs a
good foundation, and if our
foundation was Christ, I think
even you and I could make it.
Make it?
I want a girlfriend, a real girlfriend,
and in order for you to be my
girlfriend, we need more than just
being physically attracted to each other.
Oh, you are so full of it, Jack,
OK? Come on, what do you really want?
I mean, why would you want
me to go to church with you?
Oh. Grace? You wanna make Grace jealous?
Well, that would be a bonus, of course,
in addition to introducing you to Christ.
Of course.
She's not interested
in you right now, huh?
She's interested in Ricky?
All right.
My mom has a new boyfriend, and I
wanna get out of the house anyway.
How is our crime-fighting, cheerleading
little witch doing this morning, anyway?
Didn't you see the news?
Oh, please, how many times can
people really watch that tape?
There's a new one.
Over and over. It gets
better and better every time.
They told me this guy is Ricky.
He is a drummer. He's in the band.
And what's your sister's
relationship with him?
He's her friend.
Oh, he looks like a pretty good friend.
- Hey, Mother, you're on TV.
- Turn off the camera.
How dare you, you lowlife?
Can you believe that? They
took advantage of the kid.
Can I believe it? Sure I could believe
it. It's a big cruel world out there.
People will do anything.
What do you think, uh, happened to
the two guys that attacked Grace?
Wouldn't they get arrested or something?
For what?
I don't know. Sexual harassment?
Are you kidding? They'd probably come
back and sue her for threatening them.
This is how the world
works. It's unfair.
Not everybody's nice.
Sometimes people take advantage
of other people... nice people.
What's with all the
negativity, Sausage King?
I don't know. I'm not just a
sausage king. I'm a realist.
Wha...? Since when?
Always.
- Is there something wrong?
- Not that I know of.
So, uh, is it OK with you if I take
the Juergenses a little gift basket?
Couple of salamis, a few
kielbasas, package of franks.
Little deli mustard. Ooh,
maybe a pickle or two?
You take her anything you
want. She's a nice girl.
She is.
Got a good appetite, too, that girl.
Yeah, she does.
You're not fooling
around with her, are you?
What?
- You serious?
- I'm trying to be serious.
What would make you ask
me something like that?
I don't know. I... I see things.
Do you see things or do you hear things?
Because don't always
believe what you hear.
- Have I ever?
- No.
So why would I now?
I mean, besides, I
haven't heard anything.
- What's to hear?
- Nothing.
She's a nice girl, Ben, but
things don't always work out
the way we plan,
especially if we don't plan.
OK, you've completely lost me here.
Is she pregnant?
- Pregnant?
- Yeah, you know...
- is she gonna have a baby?
- Wha...?
Amy? Are we still
talking about Amy, or...?
No.
W... I... She can't be
pregnant. I just kissed her.
Just that one kiss. It was
just a kiss. What... No.
Where's Mom?
She's cleaning out her
closet or something.
Why?
Oh, I-I was j-just...
just wondering.
Did you want something?
- Th-The thing is that...
- What's with the stuttering?
- I thought you were over that.
- I am.
Looks like my competition's
running a sale.
I gotta go down to the
store and lower prices.
Not one of my favorite things.
Dad, Ashley's not having sex.
Yeah, I didn't think so.
But she really wants people to
think that, even her parents.
She pulls these stunts when she's
trying to distract us from something.
It's the old "watch the right hand while
the left hand's doin' something else. "
She's quite a magician, that one.
Maybe she's just, you know,
saying that she's having
sex because she's trying
to cover for someone who is?
And who would that be?
Me. I did it. Dad, everybody's talking
about it. She was just covering for me.
- You did not have sex. I know you!
- Dad, you don't know me.
I did have sex.
- Yeah, right.
- OK, you two, what is goin' on?
I think we need to talk.
- What do you mean, the four of us?
- The two of us.
Why do these young girls want everyone to
think they're having sex? I don't get it.
I don't either, unless...
Are you having sex?
I think you know the answer
to that. You're my wife.
What, do you mean with
someone other than you?
Don't be ridiculous.
- You idiot. You can't tell them.
- Ashley, I have to.
No, you don't. I think
they're having a big fight.
- With each other?
- Yeah.
Hi, Ben.
Hey, Amy, I was thinkin',
let's go out tonight.
Um, I don't think I can. I have
to do something with my family.
Yeah, I'm sorry. It's
not a good day here.
All right. Well, uh... you wanna talk?
I don't think so. Maybe tomorrow.
Tomorrow seems like
a long time from now.
But it's a Sunday. I like Sundays.
Especially in the afternoon.
Uh, you wanna study?
I'll make you some wings.
Come on. You love wings.
With a little ranch on the side.
Well, maybe I could. OK.
So... what time? Noon?
Did you tell him yet?
- Should I?
- I don't know. I'm 12.
13.
Wow. That's a nice dress you have there.
Mm. No, just a skirt and
a blouse, but thank you.
You're welcome. Thank
you for wearing it.
Well, you don't look so bad yourself.
Thank you.
I don't think I've ever
been to a Protestant
church before. Are you sure this is OK?
It's the only conservative out fit I own.
Yeah, I think
that's-that's definitely OK.
- So how much time do we have?
- We have a few minutes.
Good. If my mind serves me correctly,
a few minutes is all the time we need.
Oh, no-no. I can't do that again.
- Are you sure?
- Before church?
- Yeah. Why not?
- Why not? Are you kidding?
I think God would understand
if two people wanted to...
be together in a Biblical
sense before going to church.
No. I don't think he would
understand at all, actually.
Why not? God made me, God
made you. God made me and you.
I think the Devil may have
more to do with me and you.
Oh, what's the matter?
Didn't you have a good time last time?
I had a great time, but it wasn't worth
all the guilt and trouble it caused.
I think you like trouble, and so do I.
That's why we're going to
church together, isn't it?
Look, everyone's gonna think
we're doing something anyway,
so we might as well be
doing something, right?
Wrong. I don't care what
everyone else thinks.
It's what I think. I think
sex before marriage is a sin.
Well, aren't we all sinners?
Yeah, but...
OK, look, we'll go to
confession afterwards.
We don't have confession.
- No?
- No.
Well, what do you have?
We have guilt, shame, regret.
Yeah, we got those.
I don't think I want
to be a part of that.
But besides, I don't think that you'll
regret just one more time, would you?
Yes, I would.
OK, look, I don't think it's gonna make
Ricky jealous if we just go to church.
It might make Grace jealous, but
it's not going to make Ricky jealous.
So I really don't get anything
out of this unless we do something.
We can make out. I think that'd be OK.
- You wanna make out?
- We can start with that.
No, I swear, we can't do
anything more than that.
- More than that would be a sin.
- Oh, what, is it in the Bible?
- Yes, it's in the Bible.
- You're making that up.
No, I'm not.
Where in the Bible does it say that we
can't do more than
make out before church?
I don't know, but I'm sure
it's in there somewhere.
- Deuteronomy, maybe?
- What about after church?
Revelations. I don't know.
- Can we just get outta here? Please?
- Sure.
Are there any rules that say that what
we can or cannot do on the ride over?
Help.
You look as good in a
shirt as without one.
This is a very nice look.
Very nice.
So, wait, you're not...
- Goin' to church.
- Ricky, come on, don't do this.
- Bye.
- Wait, please.
I can't believe you'd try to
keep me from goin' to church.
If you were going for a good
reason, I wouldn't try to stop you.
I would encourage you,
but you are going to church
just so that you can
"get with" Grace Bowman.
- That's pretty scary.
- You wanna hear something scarier?
Once you get with Grace, you're gonna
feel sick for taking advantage of her.
You're gonna withdraw from
her, never call her again.
That's what you do. That's the pattern.
- I don't have a pattern, OK?
- Yes, you do, sweetheart.
And Grace Bowman, who
tries to be perfect,
is gonna be flawed,
at least in her eyes,
and who knows if she can live with that
kind of imperfection? Her or her parents.
It's a bigger deal to this young
woman than I think you can understand.
I'm giving you good advice here.
Don't.
Still too sick to go to church?
Oh, the Lord, he works
in mysterious ways.
Yeah, he does.
Honey, thanks for encouraging Grace
to get back on the cheer squad.
Ah, of course.
I'm surprised that you did
not realize what a big deal
it is for a young girl to be
a cheerleader in high school.
Oh, really? Unbelievable.
You know what, sweetie?
If we get our butts moving,
we can still make the sermon.
Oh, no. Nope, I-I'm far...
- ... too sick for that.
- OK.
You're such a baby.
She's a powerful girl, Grace Bowman.
She's our very own
Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
She's a beautiful example
of faith in the power of God.
- I told you, you're a hero.
- I'll be right back, Tom, OK?
Grace, come over here. This
is the young lady right here.
- Are you Grace Bowman?
- Yeah, I am.
Terrific. I really wasn't expecting
you to show up, but I was hoping.
I just wanna say that
it's very kind of our
minister to speak so highly
of me after what I did.
But that's just how he
is, and that's how our
church members are...
supportive and caring.
- And even though I made a mistake...
- And what was your mistake, exactly?
I was sneaking around trying
to see a guy my parents didn't
want me to see, and it was
wrong to do that, very wrong.
My parents know what's best
for me, and they always have
my best interests at heart,
and I didn't listen to them.
And so I found myself on a street corner
late at night, waiting for a guy to
pick me up to pretend to be my date, and
I got myself in a very scary situation.
Then you got yourself out.
Well, I think I must have had a
guardian angel looking out for me.
I see. Guardian angel.
That's the explanation.
Not everything in this
life can be explained.
And do you have an explanation as
to why your friend was shirtless?
Well, the guy I wasn't
supposed to be seeing
dropped me off, and so
I called my friend and
I woke him up, and so
he jumped out of bed,
got in his car and raced
over to help me out.
We like to think that
when we do the wrong
thing or make a bad
decision it only affects us,
but that obviously isn't
true, and I just wanna say I'm
so sorry for any problems
I might have caused anyone.
Isn't that your friend over there?
Yeah, it is.
Ooh, Ricky Underwood. Jackpot.
Hey. Ricky.
Hey, Ricky.
- Hey, Grace.
- Hey, Adrian.
Welcome... everyone.
- That preacher bugs me.
- Yeah. Me too.
I like that. We don't
like the same people.
You're practically family.
- Vegetarians.
- Hate 'em.
- Earth Day?
- Please. Here's one.
Al Gore. Come to Papa.
It's you two versus the
entire planet on that one.
I love Al Gore.
Hi, Ben. You're-You're early.
Is that any way to talk to the
guy who brought this basket?
There's enough meat in
here to last us the winter.
Jeez, that thing is huge.
Well, my feelings for you are...
Very big.
- You almost ready to go?
- Yeah, anytime. Got your books?
Yeah.
Thanks.
What's that?
Dad, is that your suitcase?
Uh... yeah, furniture
thing. Gotta go to Vegas.
I didn't know.
I'll be back in a couple days.
OK.
OK, you two have fun. Study.
Got it.
Bye.