The Rockford Files (1974–1980): Season 2, Episode 2 - The Farnsworth Stratagem - full transcript

Wait till you
see this place, Jimbo.
You're not gonna believe it.

Well,
what's a hotel without rooms?

What did I buy?

Well, maybe
you can persuade him.

I don't want them to lose
any more money
than they already have.

It's legal,
if that's what you mean.

It's still a fraud.

The $7500
was a down payment.

We got a $700,000 trust deed
we gotta pay off.

Well, think of it
as accident insurance.

Jimbo, we need you, man.



There are
any number of things
that could happen to you.

That sounds
more like a threat.

(PHONE RINGING)

ROCKFORD:
(ON ANSWERING MACHINE)
This is Jim Rockford.

At the tone, leave your name
and message.

I'll get back to you.

(BEEPS)

TONY: Rockford, this is Tony.
Now, your car's ready.

I couldn't reach you,
so I went ahead
and put in the new pistons.

The tab's $527.54.

And this time
we're talking cash.

You're not gonna
believe it, Jimbo.

This place is
really something else.

Dennis, I think that
we should have
made reservations.



We own the place, honey.

And besides,
hotels have this policy,

always to hold back
a couple of rooms
just in case.

For VIPs.

That's us?

That's us.

This is it?
What did I tell you?

I know what you told me.
I thought you
were exaggerating.

Give me the key.
You think this is something,

wait till
you see the inside.

All right.
The gag worked.

Let's go to the right hotel.
I'd like to play
a little golf.

This is the hotel.

Dennis,
you're an investigator,
second grade. Civil service.

Your salary is not exactly
a secret.

This place costs millions.

Which is how come
I only got 2.5%.

Okay, 2.5% with an 80% note
against it.

But in 20 years,
it's free and clear.

Here you are, son.
There's some clubs
in the back seat.

Dennis,
you saw this place
before you bought it?

Yeah,
of course I saw it.

We came down
with some of the others
in the syndication.

It's really a partnership,
but they call it
a syndication.

Yeah,
I know what they call it.

We'll take a steam
before dinner.

They got a gym
you could put
our whole house inside.

Afternoon.

Stuart?
I'm Dennis Becker.

Bradley Investments Limited.

Oh, yes, of course.
What can I do for you,
Mr. Becker?

Well, we're down
for the weekend,

we need
a couple of rooms.

I... I think
I better get the manager.

Gee, it's a...
It's a nice carpet,
isn't it?

Nice color?

Yeah. Good quality.

MANAGER: Mr...

Becker. Dennis Becker.
Bradley Investments Limited.

Becker. Oh, yes, yes.
Here you are right up
at the top of the list.

There.

The names are arranged
alphabetically.

We'll need
a couple of rooms.

Mr. Lloyd did explain
the terms of the sale?

Yeah, he explained.
Now can we have
a couple of rooms?

Well, there's really
nothing I can do.

Of course, the owners
not in residence

do have the right
to sublet, but...

What owners? I'm an owner.

Oh, yes, of course.
You own the hotel.

With the exception
of the individual units.

You're not making any sense.

Dennis,
I think what he's saying
is they're condominiums.

Uh-huh.

Condominiums?

You mean
Lloyd sold the rooms?

That's right.
We don't rent rooms.

All the tenants here
own their own rooms.

Well,
what's a hotel without rooms?

What did I buy?

(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)

The lobby.

$7500 for a lousy
hotel lobby.

Dennis, how did you ever
get sucked into a scam
like that?

I didn't get sucked in.
I fought my way in.

They were subscribed.
They didn't need my money.

They didn't even
want my money.

Oh, yeah. And suddenly
somebody dropped out,

there's 2.5% opened up,
and they roped their mark.

It's classic,
you know.

Well, you never met this guy
Simon Lloyd.

He could talk
the stripes off a zebra.

Real pro job.

I wanted in so bad
my teeth hurt.

Well, the way I figure it,
our share is $1250 a month.

Dennis doesn't
even clear that much.

Your share of what?

Well, the $7500
was a down payment.

We got a $700,000 trust deed
we gotta pay off.

$700,000?

(EXCLAIMING)

Yeah, we were counting on
the income from the rooms

to pay off the deed
and give us a profit.

It was
a long-term investment.

Boy, we're really
in a bucket now.

Dennis,

take it to
the city attorney.

If word ever gets back
to the precinct

that I bought this con,
do you know
what happens to my life?

You get razzed.
Razzed is a lot better
than bankrupt.

I'm gonna hire you.

With what?
You're tapped, remember?

Well, we can make a loan
at the Credit Union.

Come on, Dennis.
I'm not a lawyer.
What can I do?

Well, you could find Lloyd,
help me get my money back.

Jimbo,

we need you, man.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

In a minute.
In a minute.

All right, come in.
The door's unlocked.

Mr. Rockford?

Hello.

I'm Audrey Wyatt.

I'm a member
of the Bradley syndication
with Dennis Becker.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I talked to Dennis and Peggy
last night.

I can't believe it.
The whole thing's a fraud.

Oh, well,
how much did you invest?

$15,000.

Whew.

What is that?

Oh! Oh...

If you ever change banks,
don't accept a toaster.
This is my fourth one.

Please, come sit down.

Want some coffee?

Yes, please. Black.

Say, tell me,

how many people are there
in the syndication?

Thirty.

Thirty?
And who brought you in?

Well, I heard about it
from Craig Hubner.

He was my dinner partner
at a party a few weeks ago.

Oh, I've got to call him.
He's in for a bundle.

Why do you want to know
who told me about it?

Well, in a con there's
always more than
one grifter involved.

Now, Simon Lloyd
was the operator,

but somebody
put up the marks.

Found the victim.
And somebody roped them.

A roper steers the marks
to the inside man.

They tell him the tale,
show him the game,

take off the touch,
and blow him off.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, I...

I understood about a third
of what you said.

But if you think Craig is
anything but another victim,
forget it.

I mean he's
Pasadena blue book,

everything
but DeBrett's Peerage.

Dennis told me
he hired you to find out

if there's anything
that can be done.

Well, it can't.

What makes you so sure?

I spent the entire morning
on the phone

with my attorney
in New York.

I read the contract to him
word for word.

He says it's ironclad.

Why tell me?

Dennis says
you're a good friend.

I tried to explain to him,
but he's stubborn.

Maybe you could persuade him.

I just don't want them
to lose any more
than they already have.

Yeah, well, neither do I,

but I promised Dennis
I'd poke around a little.
It can't hurt.

I suppose not.

Well, if you are
going to investigate,

I'd like to be a part of it,
split the cost.

Why?
Dennis is willing
to pay the freight.

Well,
say you find Simon Lloyd,

recover part of the money,
not all of it.

If Dennis and I split
your fee,

then we'll split
the recovery.

Not altogether altruistic.

Not altogether. Deal?

If it's okay with Dennis.

(PHONE RINGING)

Right in there.

Jim, be with you
in a minute.

Go in and get a cup of coffee
or something. Hi, Audrey.

Hi.
What's the matter, Dennis?
Listen, we gotta talk to you.

I'll be with you
in one minute.

Have a seat.

You want coffee?
Yes, please.

You known
the Beckers long?

Oh, not long.

I've been taking a course
at UCLA Extension.

Intermediate Spanish.

Peggy's in my class
and we started having
coffee together.

Got to know each other.

I'm planning
on taking a trip
to South America.

Argentina, Brazil...

Oh, yeah? They speak
Portuguese in Brazil.

You know, I feel badly
for the Beckers.

They can't afford to lose
that amount of money.

Well, can you?

Yes.

I don't suppose you read
many children's books.

Well, not in
the past 30 years, no.

Well, I've only been
writing them for three.

I'm Uncle Ralph.

The real Uncle Ralph's dead.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Well, he died very old
and very rich.

And when I sent
the publishers Billy
and the Runaway Balloon,

they liked it.

Only they thought
that Uncle Ralph would

have a better chance
of selling books
than Audrey Wyatt.

They were right.

(DOOR OPENING)

Thanks for coming by,

but maybe it's not
such a good idea,
you know?

No, I don't know.

Did you send the contract
over to Beth?

Yeah.
First thing this morning.

Audrey took me
over to Lloyd's house.
He's gone.

The real-estate agent
said it was
just a rental deal.

And he thinks
Lloyd's traveling.
I'll bet he is.

We also went
by his office.

No one there
and no forwarding address.

Okay, that's fine.
Give me a call at
the house later, okay?

What's the matter with you,
Dennis?

Diehl's in the next office.
Keep it down.

Well, what's Diehl
got to do with this?
Nothing.

Nothing.
Technically, he's got
nothing to do with it.

Mrs. Diehl, however,
is in the syndication
pretty deep.

Oh, that's great.
That's great.

Just something
you forgot to tell me, huh?

Why should you know?
He doesn't.

It was gonna
be a surprise.
Oh, yeah. Well, it will be.

Come on, Audrey.

Let's go. It's been nice
talking to you, Dennis.
What are you doing?

Dennis,
when Lieutenant Diehl is in,

I am out.
That's automatic.

Okay, Diehl hates your guts.

But you're gonna be
doing him a favor.

And the only reason
why I asked you,

it's such a slick con
and you're the only guy I know

who can go Lloyd
one better.

Like that pearl switch,
remember?

Like that tape recorder
in the safe so you could
get the combination.

Just knock it off,
huh, Dennis?

That's not bull. I mean it.
Diehl could learn to love you.

Becker!

Diehl says book him
or get him out of here.

You charged
for a whole day.

Well, I don't have
an hourly rate.

Oh.

I've been thinking
about what Dennis said.

A pearl switch,
recording the combination
to a safe...

Isn't that
kind of illegal?

Yo, it's borderline.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Yeah.

Mr. Rockford?
Yeah.

William MacKenzie,
Western National Savings
and Loan.

Come in.

This is the part of banking
I really hate.

Mr. Rockford,
your note has been called.

Well, that's impossible.
I haven't missed any payments.

Banking is a rather
conservative business.

You, on the other hand,
lead a rather
flamboyant lifestyle.

ROCKFORD: Well,
my line of work
hasn't changed

since I applied
for that loan.

MACKENZIE: No,
but your cases have.

The bank officers feel
that you're currently
involved in one

which might prove
particularly hazardous.

And the bank
would like me to drop it.

Could you have your belongings
out by the 14th?

We'll be selling the trailer
at auction in Newhall
on the 15th.

Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

I still have a right
to pay off what I owe.

You'll get your money.

I doubt that,
Mr. Rockford.

I've seen
your financial statement.

Foreclosure is
as painful for the bank
as it is for its customer.

Yeah.

Simon Lloyd has
some very heavy connections.

It keeps getting worse.

I told you
we should have dropped it.

I just don't like
being strong-armed.

Sorry I couldn't make
this weekend.
So am I.

Beth Davenport,
Audrey Wyatt.

Oh.

Audrey's one of the partners
in Bradley Investments.

Did you get a chance
to look at the contract?

Hmm. I'd like to meet
the attorney who drew it up.

It's a beauty.

Why didn't Dennis call me
before he signed it?

He had Gil
look at it.

Gil's a first-year
law student.
Yeah.

Is there anything we can do
about the contract?

It's legal,
if that's what you mean.

Let me have
a look at that.

There's got to be
a loophole in here.

I never saw a contract
that didn't have a loophole.

Jim, if there isn't
anything else...

Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What about
the mineral rights?

What about them?

Are they excluded?

Not specifically.

Then the syndicate
bought the mineral rights
along with the lobby?

Right.

I want you to draw up
a power of attorney,

authorizing me
to act on behalf

of Dennis and Audrey's
syndicate.

transferring those rights
from the syndicate to me.

And an assignment of rights,

We'll have to
contact all 30 people.

That's gonna take
a little doing.

What are we
sitting here for?

Power of attorney,
mineral rights,

and there's $5000
in here.

Oh, well, that ought to do.
If not, I can always
give you a call.

No, you can't
give me a call.

You know how hard
it was for me to
talk the syndication

into coming up
with that much?

They figure
Lloyd is long gone.

We're never
gonna see him again.

Oh, yes, you will.

And how come
we gotta pay for her, too?

No offense, Audrey.

Some of the money's mine,
Dennis.

Besides,
I'm part of the act.

You mind telling me
what you're gonna do?

Check that.
I don't want to know.

Just tell me
that it's gonna work.

Hey, I can't
make any promises.

What do you want me to do?
Lie to you?

Of course I want you
to lie to me.

Mrs. Diehl is
getting very nervous.

She's this close
into telling the Lieutenant

how I got her
into this thing.

Will you stop
worrying about Diehl?

You know,
I got a little
riding on this myself.

If I don't get
the money back,
I don't get my percentage,

and some yahoo in Newhall
is gonna be making himself
right at home in my trailer!

So here.

Would you like to review
the geologists' reports again?

Thank you.

(BRAKES HISSING)

ROCKY: Morning,
Mr. Farnsworth, sir.

Hey, where do you want
to set this thing up, Jimmy?

J.W. Mr. Farnsworth, sir.

Now,
we're gonna set up right...

Right here.

I want you over there.

And you boys
better get started.

Getting a late start.
Now get moving.

Yes, sir.

Hey. What are you doing?

I mean,
what's going on here?

Mr. Farnsworth,
I was assured
by the syndication

that they would
inform management.

Oh, well,
they should have told you.

And I blame myself for not
handling it personally.
Look,

just tell me
what's going on.

Well, just what you see.

I'm from Oklahoma.

That's oil country.

Yeah, I got to tell you,
we took some sand samples
here.

They're some of the best
I've ever seen.

You mean
you're digging for oil here?
In the front yard?

Start right here.

What's your name?
Farnsworth. J.W.

Think I've seen you
somewhere before.

Well, I was down here
a while back with Mr. Becker.

He's one of the partners
in Bradley Investments.

You know, they used to own
the mineral rights before
I bought them off of them.

Excuse me, sir,
you're running
10 minutes late

and the senator has to
be back in Sacramento.

All right.
Thank you, thank you.

You can't do this.

I live here
and I'm telling you,
you can't do this.

(JACKHAMMER WHIRRING)

Yeah. Angel! Angel!

Angel!

You're tearing up
the driveway.

We can't get in or get out.

Oh, well, now, I'm sorry.
He shouldn't be drilling
right there

in the middle
of the driveway.

You move that thing
over there, will you?

He's just
drilling for samples.
It'll be fine over there.

Not with me.

Now, look,
I understand,
I understand.

If I was in your boots,
I'd be biting nails.

And you got
a right to be sore.
But I'm telling you,

you're just flat talking
to the wrong man.

Get me Lloyd.

I think he's out
of the country,
Mr. Christian.

Find him.
I want him back here.

(ENGINE WHIRRING)

ROCKFORD: Let me speak
to Sergeant Becker, please.

I'll hold.

You got the address right?

Casa Boni... Casa Bonita?
What kind of address is that?

BECKER: Why not a number?

(CHUCKLING)
With a house like this,
they don't use a number.

You're staying
in a whole house?

What's wrong with the Y?

It doesn't cost enough.

Dennis, if Lloyd
starts checking me out,

he's gotta smell big money.

ROCKFORD: You're gonna
have to send me
a couple more thousand.

Two gra... Two grand?

Yeah.
You'd better make it three.

No. No more.

Then I can't pull it off,
Dennis.

It's costing
more than I figured.

The house,
the equipment, the salaries.

No, I don't want to hear it.
Okay?

I don't want to hear it!

Send the money, Dennis.

If you don't, we've blown
five grand for nothing.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

There's somebody
at the door.

I'll hang on.

No, it's okay.
The butler will get it.

The butler?

Yeah.
He's gotta live, too.

I watched you today.

Listened to you being
Mr. J. W. Farnsworth,
oil tycoon.

You're absolutely marvelous.

You showed
a certain flair yourself.

Angel and the Rock
are here, Jim.

Terry, that's
"Mr. Martin and Mr. Rockford
are here, sir."

Would you try
to keep in practice?

You should have been there,
Jimmy.

You missed this.
You never saw
nothing like it.

What did we have?
About 100 people

all standing around,
all day watching,

jackhammer going like hell.

Nobody tried to interfere?

No, no.
They didn't even believe
that it was happening.

You know
what occurred to me?

I mean, when you get
a crowd like that,

doesn't seem right
not to work them.

Angel...
No, no.

Now, I mean, you were
right about the oil rig.
That's the thing.

But the thing that really
gets them excited, you know,

is that jackhammer
and that compressor,
that noise and that racket.

Boy,
it's the roar of the crowd.

And then I got to thinking,
you know, you said
I ought to have earplugs.

I went down to the drugstore
and I talked to the druggist.

Made a deal for earplugs.
28 cents a pair.

Go back and sell them
for $1.75. $1.50.

Easy.
Forget it.

Jimmy, don't spit on it, man.

If we don't do it,
somebody else will.

Think about it.
Just look, Rocky could
be the salesman, huh?

He's got that
good, honest face.
That smile everybody likes.

We get him a tray,
hang it around his neck.

Angel, if you try
working a scam on the side,
you go straight back to LA.

A person's got a right
to his own suggestions,
don't he?

No.

How did you do
on the rig?

Ask your friend there.

We did pretty good,
considering.
Considering what?

Well, considering the fact
that him and me

were supposed
to round up a crew

that halfway looked
like they knew their way
around an oil rig, right?

Right.
Well, you saw
what they looked like.

You know that tall,
skinny kid?
The first one?

He's a fry cook.

The next fellow
was an artichoke grower.

The third, nobody knows.
He couldn't talk English.

And the three fellows I hired,
they got so disgusted,
I had to give them a raise.

You may have to hit Dennis
for more than $3000.

Oh, hey, no kidding, Jimmy,
things wasn't so bad.

Well, so bad
won't cut it, Angel.

Now, look,
we got a time problem.

Well,
I've got a time problem.

My trailer goes
on the sales block
on the 15th of this month.

Now, if you need more men,
you hire them.

And I want to see you
on that jackhammer.

And, Dad, I want to see
an oil derrick on that
front lawn.

(MACHINE SPUTTERING)

ANGEL: Got six more bottles
of sand samples,
Mr. Farnsworth.

ROCKFORD: Okay, great.

Cap them off,
send them out airmail
to the lab in Tulsa.

ANGEL: It's looking
pretty good, huh?

ROCKFORD: Yeah.
I think we got us
a heap of water

sitting on top of a real big
natural gas reserve.

(JACKHAMMER WHIRRING)

How about that?

Mr. Danzi. Mr. Guardell.

Howdy.
How are you folks today?

What can old J.W.
Do for you today?

We represent the owners
of the condominiums at
the Bradley Hotel.

We don't like
what's happening.

Well, of course you don't.
'Course you don't.

I come along,
mess up your pretty lawn,

mess up your driveway,
fixing to mess up
your golf course.

But that's business,
that's progress.

And don't you worry
about that noise.

It's only gonna last
for a couple of weeks.

That field I brought in
last year, that's a whole
different story.

Reservoir rock was sandstone.
I had to blast.

We're here to tell you
in a very nice way,

to get that oil derrick
and that jackhammer
out of there.

Well, I'm sure
there's no offense intended,
and none taken. None taken.

But the jackhammer can't go
till we get through
the cement,

and the derrick, that's
a whole different story,

but you just tell your folks
the minute we strike,

that derrick comes down
automatic,

and we put in
cricket pumps.

Mr. Farnsworth,
the people who bought in
at the Bradley

were looking for clean air,

a good view,
a nice, quiet life.

So you see,
we can't allow you
to foul the atmosphere.

Me?

(LAUGHING)

Why, there's every safeguard
known to scientific man
built into our rigs.

Now, you just rest easy.

There ain't gonna be
no oil spills,
nothing like that.

There isn't gonna
be any oil.

My geologists say different.

And I got contracts,
I got buyers waiting.

Then I'm afraid
they're gonna have to wait
for some other time.

Some other field.

That sounds
something like an order.

A suggestion, Mr. Farnsworth.
A very strong suggestion.

You see, we're not only
concerned for the tenants,

but for you
and your employees.

There are
any number of things

that could happen to you,
to the rig...

Now, that...

That sounds
more like a threat.

Oh,
I was speaking of accidents.

Working around
all that machinery,

that could be
a chancy proposition.

Give a little thought
to what I've said,
Mr. Farnsworth.

Well, think of it
as accident insurance.

(BUZZING)

Sergeant Becker.

Hey, Dennis, who lives
at the Bradley Hotel?

Can you get me
the names of the owners
of the condominiums?

BECKER: What?

I just had a visit
from the tenants committee.

Yeah, I think so.
It might take
a couple of days.

ROCKFORD: All right.
You get them and run them
through the computer.

I just got one of those
funny feelings.

Like what?

Well, like the answer's
gonna be something

I don't want to hear.

ANGEL: We're out of
number 265 cable,
Mr. Farnsworth.

Want to use German cable
to tie off the rig?

ROCKFORD: Ain't none
of that drilling cable

that goes anywhere
but right down that hole.

(MACHINERY WHIRRING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

AUDREY: Is it finished?

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah, it's finished.

(EXCLAIMING)

Oh!

Oh!

We deserve a celebration.
Yeah.

Dinner out or in?

In.

What's in the bag?

Oh, that's for
the celebration.

I drove into town today.

Oh, Jim.

Oh, oh, you know,
there was only five
or six copies left.

The clerk said
it's a bestseller.

Want my autograph?

Oh, that isn't necessary.

No, I want to.

It's already signed.

Well, it must be
a promotional copy.

Uncle Ralph's granddaughter
lives here.

He visited her
a few weeks ago,

and they made a round
of all the bookstores
at the same time.

He's an amazing man
for his age,
according to the clerk.

Didn't you think
I'd find out?

Well, you wouldn't have
if you weren't
such a sentimentalist.

Want an explanation?

I want the truth.

All right,
I'm not Uncle Ralph,
but I wrote the book.

The only thing
that Uncle Ralph has written
in the past three years,

is on the back
of his royalty checks.

I work at the publishing house
as a proofreader.

I wrote it
on my own time,

I submitted it
and they liked it.

They needed
an Uncle Ralph story,
so we made a deal.

I don't get any of the credit,
but I get most of the money,

and Uncle Ralph gets 10%
for the use of his name.

What's the first line?

The first line in the book.

If you wrote it,
you should remember it.

Of course I wrote it.
Don't you believe me?

No. Give me the line.

Billy's best friend
was a big balloon.

Not even close.

You're right.
That was the first draft.

Let me see,
what did I change it to?

Well, I wrote it
over a year ago.

Who are you?

I already told you.

I'm very disappointed
in you, Audrey.

Your story doesn't wash.
Don't you have
a backup ready?

Why bother?

You seem determined
to discount everything
I say.

You know, driving back
from the bookstore
I did a lot of thinking.

I was trying to figure out
why you lied to me.

A very elaborate lie,
very convincing.

Only one thing
made sense.

You were
part of the con.

I lost $15,000.

You never lost a dime.

Lloyd was the operator
and you were the roper.

After the two of you
made your score,

Lloyd cleared out
and left you here
to cool off the marks.

You know,
ever since I met you,

you've been trying
to blow me off this case.

"Ironclad contracts,
take the loss gracefully."

That's not only insulting,
it's absurd.

Oh, knock it off, Audrey.

I have no intention
of letting Dennis get stiffed

by a couple of
high-class grifters.

Not to mention,
I'm not gonna
lose my trailer.

(SPLASHING)

You're the one
who sicced the bank on me
in the first place.

Where's Lloyd?

Audrey, we can have
this conversation,

or you can have it
with the cops.

Now, where is he?

In Brazil,
where they speak Portuguese.

Can you reach him?

Okay, I want you
to send him a cable.

Why don't I phone him?
It's quicker.

Because I want
to have control
over what you say.

When I started
I was trying
to cool a mark.

But then you came up
with this incredible scam.

It's beautiful.

When I tell Lloyd
that J. W. Farnsworth
is about to strike oil,

we'll sell him that hotel
for three times the money.

We?

Well, naturally
I expect a small profit.

You couldn't do it
without me.

You'd sell him out
just like that?

I only met him last year.

He was working
a bad variation
of the old pigeon drop scam.

I cleaned it up.

I mean,
we hardly knew each other.

You might be on the level,

but only because there's
a lot of bread in it.

But from hereon,

we keep our relationship
professional.

Won't be as much fun.

(MACHINERY WHIRRING)

Hey, Mr. Farnsworth.

Lookie here, it's looking
even better than you expected.

Yeah. We ought to be
bringing her in any minute.

It's Lloyd.

All right, Angel,
get back on your jackhammer.

Rocky, you look busy.

You sure
he thinks I'm Farnsworth?

He doesn't know Jim Rockford.
I told him the bank number
cooled you off.

What did I tell you?

I ought to...

Will you shut
that thing off?

Knock it off!

(SIGHING)

You picked a great time
to leave town.

I got back
as soon as I heard.

Now, how long
has this thing been going on?
Too long.

Every morning,
6:00 they start.

I had to move. You sell me
an apartment in this place

so I can have
peace and quiet,
and I had to move!

All right, all right.
I'll take care
of everything.

I'll have you back in there
in no time at all.

You tell him, not me.

Farnsworth?

Yeah.
What can I do for you?

I know of you
by reputation,
Mr. Farnsworth.

It's a pleasure to meet you.
My name is Simon Lloyd.

Lloyd.

Lloyd.
Oh, yeah, you're the one
who sold this place off.

Yeah. Not too popular
around here at the moment.

Yeah, well,
I know the feeling.

Should I have
the geologists' reports

duplicated for Mr. Kline
and the board members?
Yeah, honey, you do that.

Board members.

(SCOFFING)

They don't know beans
about oil.

They need scientific proof.

Now, you take my daddy,
he was a cable driller.

He could tell
by the feel of that cable
what they was into.

He didn't need
no samples, no tests.
He could tell by the feel.

And you inherited
your father's talent?

No, I'll never be
the oil man my daddy was.

I'm working on it, though.
I'm coming close.

Nice talking to you.
Mr. Farnsworth,

I've got a bit of a problem.

Majority of the people
who bought apartments
at the Bradley

are personal friends of mine.

Fine people, all of them.

And, well, quite frankly,
they're extremely upset
to discover

that suddenly they're living
in the middle of an oil field.

I can understand that, yeah.

Well, I can understand
your position.

Now, you bought
the mineral rights to
this property in good faith,

you're convinced
that there's oil on it,
and you mean to dig for it.

Yeah,
that's about it.

Well, what I'd like
to propose is a compromise.

Now, I own the 15 acres
directly adjoining
this property.

You could slant drill.

Oh, well, the field
may not be big enough
to slant drill.

Oh,
I'm sure that it is,

and I'll absorb
any expenses involved.

Pay for dismantling the rig,
pay for its reconstruction
at the new site.

Well, now, I hope
you won't take this wrong,

but all that generosity
makes me downright suspicious.

I know what I got here.

I... I'm not interested
in a pig in a poke.

All right, all right.

I'm gonna be
perfectly honest with you.

Now, the tenants are exerting
a great deal of pressure
on me.

Otherwise,
I wouldn't suggest
what I'm about to.

I own 50% of a production
field in Texas.

I'll turn it over to you.

Now, you take
no chances whatsoever.
They're pumping.

Well, I'm not a hard man.

I know you got problems.
I got them, too.

But if I stopped drilling,
I'm in breach of contract.

Now, one of two things
is gonna happen,

either we strike oil,
we get black gold
pouring down on us,

or we strike water,
which means
we got natural gas.

Either way,
it's money in the bank.

I just got no choice.

(SIGHING)
Well,

I can sure understand
how Dennis got sucked in.

He has a class act.

You and I have
a better one.

You show
remarkable restraint.

I keep waiting
for the inevitable,

"What's a nice girl
like you..."

Well, the details are probably
too painful to go into.

Broken home,
unhappy childhood.

You don't believe me.

No.

Slow down.

Angel.

Hey, Angel.

What are you doing?

I've been invited
to take a hike.
I'm hiking.

Get in.
Come on. Get in.

Look,
you've done it to me before

and you're not doing it
this time.

I worked
that machine for you,

which I think it has done
something permanent
to my insides.

Plus, I ain't hearing
too good.

But I hear good enough to know
if I go back there,

I end up in a rubber bag.

Come on,
who'd threaten you?

What, I ain't good enough
to be threatened?
I was threatened!

Concrete boots,
that's what he said.

Who?
I don't know who
and I don't want to know who.

I'm not going back.

Boy, Detective Becker's
sure gonna be disappointed.

I just don't know
what he's gonna say
about this.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

All right, all right.
I'm coming with you.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Hi, Dennis.
Dennis, the butler
said you were waiting.

Yeah. Quite a place
you got here.

You're really
roughing it.

Yeah,
it's gonna pay off.

What's the matter, Dennis?
What are you doing here?
Hi, Audrey.

What's Angel Martin
doing here?

You bring some
of the ex-con friends
in on this?

He was gonna talk
to my parole officer,
put in a good word.

He doesn't even
know I'm here!
Well, now he does.

Come here a second.

You know the names
that you asked me
to run through the computer,

who bought the apartments?
Yeah.

Paul Barrone,
South Chicago.

Louis Christian,
out of Detroit.

Herman Keitell,
Brooklyn.

Sammy La Presa, Jersey.
(STAMMERING)
Hey, wait. Wait a minute.

Keitell?

Isn't he...
Yeah, they all are.

Lieutenant Diehl's wife
and me,

we're running a country club
for the mob.

You mean that everybody
in the Bradley is part
of organized crime?

Not everybody.

Just enough
to have me busted
back to patrolman.

Seven of the apartments
for sure,
two of the others...

You know,
that's really great.

I've been waking them up
every morning
with a jackhammer.

They're all punks!
And they all should
be doing hard time.

Yeah, well, you work
on your Medal of Honor.

I'll work on staying alive.

(EXCLAIMING)

(LAUGHING)

Oh!

Farnsworth.
Yeah?

I'd like to talk to you.

Some other time.
Now!

I've seen
the geologists' reports

and I've seen
the sand samples.

Money has a way
of bringing out
the worst in me.

I want to
buy you out.

Well,
I don't want to sell.

I'm prepared
to be generous.

I don't want to sell!

Well, when Audrey brought me
those reports last night,

she also brought me
copies of your contracts.

They indicate that you expect
this field to pay off big.

Those contracts are as phony
as the geologists' reports.

I considered that possibility,

so I had my own tests
run on the sand samples
this morning.

The reports are accurate.

And they favor
hitting natural gas.

I'm having papers drawn up
for transfer of ownership.

There's no way
you can force me to sell.

On the contrary,

any number of ways
that I can force you to sell.

Well, one of my associates,
for example, Mr. Christian.

You see,
Mr. Christian is a member
of organized crime.

He can be very persuasive.

You're not gonna bring him
in on it.

He's in. And I'm in.

And you're out.

I'll see
if the contracts are ready.

(MACHINERY WHIRRING)

Audrey, where's Christian?

At the rig.

Well, how soon do we hit?

We're not gonna hit oil
or anything else.

Lloyd showed me the reports.

They're phony.
I've been running a scam.

I'm not Farnsworth
from Oklahoma,

I'm Rockford
from Los Angeles.

There's not any oil here
and there never will be.

We're paying
a very big price.

Believe me,
there is not any oil here.
Now, I leveled with Lloyd.

(SIGHING)

If he brings you
into this thing,
you're gonna get stung,

and I don't want
any part of that.

If there's no oil,

how come you put up this rig?

Because I wanted people
to think there was.

I'm telling you the truth,
Mr. Christian.

You're not a man I'd lie to.

I'm not a guy
Lloyd would lie to, either.

He made a mistake
with me once.

He's not dumb enough
to do it again.

So, like the man told you,
sell.

You don't give me
much choice.

I give you no choice.

It's against my will.
Sure.

Now, you just remember

that Lloyd brought you
into this thing, not me.

Remember that.
Sure. Sure. Sure.

Wait a minute.

Hold it. Hold it.

ANGEL: We hit oil.
Yahoo! We hit oil!

We did it!

CROWD: Oil! Oil! Oil!

Oil! Oil! Oil!

(WHISPERING)
Gas. Gas.

Gas! Gas!

What did we hit?

Just what we were aiming at.
The water main.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

We picked
a hot enough day for it.

Watch out,
here comes the chef.

Hey.

Ah!
Oh, looks good. Good.

It's gonna be
great for me.

What are the rest of you
gonna eat?

(CHUCKLING)
I don't know
how you did it, Jimbo.

Lloyd thought you hit
a natural gas well.

Why'd he think that?

Oh, I may have
suggested it.

And the whole mess is
right back in his lap
where it belongs.

Somebody did a good job
of selling him.

Yeah. Somebody sure did.

Boy, at 5.25%,

do you know how long
it would have taken us
to double our money?

Do you know how close
you came to losing it?

Uh-huh. That's true.

(SIZZLING)
And you should
hear Lieutenant Diehl.

He thinks
he's some kind of
financial genius.

He didn't know he was in
till he was out.

Mmm-hmm.
Did you tell him
he owes me a thank you?

Not exactly.

What do you mean,
"Not exactly"?

Well,
if I was to mention you,

then I'll have to tell him
the whole story.

Oh, which means
you wouldn't
come out of it

looking too good,
would you, huh?

You got paid, didn't you?
You got your trailer back,
didn't you?

What else do you want?
I don't think that...

Come on, you guys.
This is supposed
to be a celebration.

Yeah, cheers.
Yeah.

Hey,
what happens to Mr. Lloyd?

Oh, I wouldn't
worry too much
about him.

He seems
like a resourceful fellow.

Hey, get me a beer,
will you?

Anything you want?
Yeah.

Thanks for not telling
them about me.

I like them.

You know, I've never really
gotten to know a mark before.

Change your perspective?
Mmm-hmm.

But it won't
change my life.

Do you want to bet?