The Real Housewives of New York City (2008–…): Season 12, Episode 8 - If You Can't Take the Heat, Get Out of the Russian Bath House - full transcript

- Previously on "The Real

- Previously on "The Real
Housewives of New York City"...

- Everything I do with you,
Tinsley, is not good.

- No! Really? I wasn't being
honest and open?

- I have been trying
to progress... You haven't!

- Yes, I have!

- I just think sometimes Dorinda

is, like, a little too hard
on Tinsley.

- Yeah.
- I think something must be

going on with Dorinda.

- I'm sure you've read it
like everyone else.



- Both:
Dorinda's taking a break.

- The breakup with John is sad,
but I also know that

I have to do what's best
for me now.

- How many drinks are we
gonna have to take? Five?

- As many as you want.
- She wants to [bleep] me.

- Oh, my God.

- My existence as a person
has provoked her to bully me.

- Yeah, well, she's got a lot
of anger towards you.

- Not only are you not
value added,

you're un-value added.

- I don't really care that much
about you right now

because you've been
a mean person to me.

- You're invisible.

♪♪♪♪♪



- I'm not always right,
but I'm never wrong.

♪♪♪♪♪

- I'm no one's accessory.
I'm the whole lifestyle brand.

- I don't need to find love.
I love myself.

- I may float like a butterfly,
but I sting like a bitch.

- Life isn't a fairy tale,

but I'm hoping
mine's the exception.

- Raise the curtain.
Lower the lights.

I'm taking center stage
in my life.

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hi.
- Hello.

- Can I get a table for three
for lunch?

- Yeah, of course.
- Thank you.

Right this way. Our drinks menu.

- I wanna get an orange juice.
- Orange juice?

- Yeah.
- Got you.

Thank you.

Here she comes.

- Hi.
- You're like a ray of sunshine

walking down the street.
- Hi. [ laughs ]

How are you feeling?
Are you feeling better?

- Honestly, not really.
- I woke up with, like...

- Uh-oh. [ coughs ]
- Like the chest,

like, feeling like
I need to cough.

- I've got a sinus infection,
an ear infection.

- Right.

- And bronchitis
at the same time.

I'm also allergic to bullsh...,

and quite frankly,
the orchard trip

was nothing but bullsh...

- I don't know where Tinsley is.
- I know.

- But we'll... You know what?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Let's start with appetizers
or something.

Why don't we get
a hamachi crudo?

You like hamachi crudo? - Sure.

- Coming right up, ladies.
- Thank you.

- There you go.
- [ coughs ]

- Probably got weak from having
wine yesterday, too.

Poor Sonja.

- I'm like, poor Sonja?
She did it to herself.

- Come on, girls. We're going.

- Look, I like crazy people.
I love crazy.

- Right.

- Yesterday was just, like,
bad crazy.

- Which part?
- Which? Dorinda.

- I really want curly hair,

and I really wanted
straight hair!

- Sonja.

- She'll do anything
with a small dick...

- Ramona, even.

- The point is this...
- You need a time-out.

- You...

- [ laughs ]
- I'm sorry, but...

- Well, I mean, they... they have
their issues, that's for sure.

♪♪♪♪♪

- So my other two girlfriends
are coming...

Dorinda and Sonja,

and they're all amazed how
I've slimmed down.

- Yeah? Well, I mean...

- Because of your last class,
right?

- That's right, girl.
All right, good to go.

- Hey, girl, hey.
- Hey!

- Hey, you.
This is my girl Bergen.

- What's up?
- And this is my girl Dorinda.

- Nice to meet you, Dorinda.
Welcome, girl.

- Go... Go light on us.
We're all a little...

- She... She's gonna do...
We're gonna do a lot of reps

with little weights. - Yes.

- So I gave you 2 and 3 pounds.
- [ yawns ] Do you have 1 and 2?

I'm tired today. Are you tired?

- No, 'cause I didn't drink
as much as you and Sonja.

- I think it was
such a long day.

- We gotta start class.
- Where is she?

- I don't know.
Sonja's always late.

- There she is.
- Okay, I'm here.

Is it over? Oh. - Hi, honey.

- Hi, honey, sweetie, come in.
- Sonja, this is Bergen.

She's helped transform my body.

- What's your name?
- Bergen.

- Bergen, not Birdie, okay.
- Yes.

Let's go. Let's go.
Start to raise your knees.

Just march. You, too.
Yeah, come on.

Twist and detox that wine.
Twist. Twist.

- Detox?
- Detox, that's right.

- Yeah, some people drank
a lot of wine yesterday.

- Did you hear any rumors?
- Uh-oh.

- [ laughs ]

- I have sympathy, empathy
for Dorinda

grieving over Richard... - Oh.

- ...and then dealing
with the breakup,

but to come and say things
to Tinsley that she says...

- Right.
- "Where is this coming from?"

- There's a lot of judgment
going on,

and we need to step in
and help them figure it out.

- [ coughs ] I... Believe me,
I totally agree.

- Hi!
- Here she comes.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- How you doing?
- [ coughs ]

- Oh, my God.
You're coughing, too?

- And... [ coughs ]
- [ laughs ]

- I mean, no wonder why
I'm sick.

- Do you want this orange juice?

- Yeah, I don't need
to get more sick.

- Not after you.
- I know, sorry.

Not after you.

I'm losing my voice. I guess
I was screaming a lot yesterday.

- Yeah.
- Well, I'm sorry, girls.

- I was, like,
telling Luann this...

- I wanted it to be a fun...
- It's not you.

You were... You were great.
- I wanted to be a fun day.

- You're great.

The rest of them...
Just, like, I don't know.

- Abs, butt, legs, long,
eight more.

Two good. Go.

- This is like
the worst punishment ever.

Don't roll back,
don't roll back,

don't roll back.

Over your heads
and don't cross your ankles.

And stand. You are done.
Very good.

- Really, these workouts...
It shouldn't even be legal.

- 'Cause it's just...
- Got the blood going.

- Yeah. It just kinda
gets you going.

- Bye, girls.
- Bye.

- I mean, I'm out of shape.

You know, you just do
what you can do.

And we can go to lunch.

- Well, I thought yesterday
was beautiful.

- Beautiful.
- Yes, beautiful setting.

- It's really nice.

- I think Ramona's concerned
about you a little bit.

- By partying?
Well, when I see you guys,

I really go off the rails.

- But you just got, like,
overly friendly,

overly flirtatious.
- No, you're absolutely right.

- You know what? You were...
You weren't in control.

That's all. - No.

- You weren't in control
of your actions.

- No.

- Because you passed
the point of no return.

- You're right.
You're absolutely right.

- And we love you.
- No, no.

- And we want you healthy
and happy.

- I have to be careful
when we're out in public.

That's it. - Right.

- They're making sense.
They're not just picking on me.

Normally, it's a girls' trip,

and, you know,
we're perfectly safe.

But if I'm out in public,
like at the orchard,

I can't do this.

- And what were you yelling
at Tinsley about?

- Tinsley, whenever you try
to talk to her,

she doesn't listen to you, then
she feels she's not listened

and starts screaming.

- One thing I...
- She has to stop screeching.

- Well, but can I tell you
something?

I was thinking this whole sort
of victim thing,

and "I'm this little girl"
thing... it's, like, enough.

We all could be victims.
- Oh, I know.

- It was a gang-up.
I don't do gang-ups.

- Well, believe me,
I've had issues

with all the women in the past,

but, you know,
the reaction is a problem.

The reaction of being defensive
and yelling is just not right.

Tinsley tends to do
the wrong thing.

She screeches,
which is brain-piercing,

and Dorinda just reacts
with aggression

because she's annoying.

Tinsley can be very annoying.

- Honestly, I think, like,
we need to talk about

what the real issue is.
- What's the real issue?

- Tinsley was born into the life

that Dorinda
puts on this pedestal.

- Well, she...
- Meaning she can't relate...

- No, what she...
- ...to being born

with a silver spoon
in your mouth.

- Okay...
- Guess what? I can't either.

- Okay, she was not,
but it doesn't mean...

- I love Tinsley.
Who gives a sh...?

- Exactly!
- Exactly.

- Thank you for saying that,
because I literally...

- You're an uphill battle.
You're an uphill battle.

I know it's an uphill battle.
- Like, all I've been doing

is trying to exactly say that.
The poi is this.

Don't judge me.

- You need to stop
defending yourself.

- Yeah.
- And you know what?

At this point,
put her in her place.

If you let people
walk all over you,

and you don't make them
respect you,

they're not going to.

If she stood up to Dorinda
and was like,

"[bleep] you, bitch.
Mind your business,"

Dorinda would be like,
"No doubt. I respect that."

I think she needs
to thug her out,

because that's the only way
she's going to respect her.

- No, no, you scream like
a child having a tantrum,

and that doesn't work.
- But even you said, Luann,

you said the same thing, right?
- Yes, exactly. That's...

That's it. - That's what I do!

That's just me.
- She is mentally

and emotionally not as strong
as she should be

for her age, that's all.

And I really feel sorry
for her. I really do.

- I feel sorry for her, too,
but you know,

God helps those
who help themselves.

- I really wish at this point

Dorinda could just let it go
with Tinsley.

I don't see Tinsley as a victim.

I see
Dorinda victimizing Tinsley.

That's what I think.

I mean, it has to be
very challenging

to be around us women
because we are strong.

We are independent.
Yes, we can say, "woe is me,"

but somehow we've surpassed
all the problems.

- She's independent.

- Psychologically,
she's not independent.

- I know, but you know what?
- That's what I'm saying.

She's not strong.
- No, she's codependent.

- She's a little old for that.
It's frustrating, Ramona.

- Well, you know what?
I understand you're frustrated,

but I take a step back, right?
I don't know.

Someone just didn't give her
the right tools.

- What about Dorinda's behavior?
Why isn't anybody

holding her accountable?
- Exactly.

She's the one that's doing this,
and I'm reacting.

It's bullsh...
- What if we do, like,

an intervention with her?
- Oh, my God.

- No.
- Is that not gonna happen?

- Not gonna happen.
- I won't be a part of that.

- But if we frame it, you know,
in a health spa

or something like that
could be cool.

Put her in a padded room.
[ laughter ]

Surprise. Time for your massage.
- [ laughs ]

- This is gonna be totally
entirely up to you, Tinsley,

but...
- Are you gonna go Cardi B?

Are you gonna go Dalai Lama?

- [ laughing ]
- I don't know, sweetie.

Which one is it?
Cardi Lama. Go Cardi Lama.

- I'm telling you,
you gotta go Dalai Lama.

Otherwise, you're gonna see
Cardi B.

She's gonna gangster rap
on your head,

is what she's gonna do.

- Coming up...

- This area starts getting
crinkly,

like Sonja has it. Oh, my God.
Sonja has all these, like,

ooh, creases here.

- You're just trying to show off
your boobs right now.

- They are looking good.
- They do look great.

♪♪♪♪♪

[ horn honks ]

♪♪♪♪♪

- I'm here.

- Hey. Good to see you.
Welcome back.

- I almost canceled,
but that's what you can't do,

and you don't wanna do it.

- That's exactly right.
Come on back.

- How's it going?
Let me get my water.

- Yeah.

- So... first thing
that we should start with

is, I think, the thing
I really recognize is

where my anger is coming from.

- Hmm.
- I think it's frustration,

and even with this girl that...
Tinsley... I told you about...

- Yeah.
- It's frustration,

and it actually comes out
wanting the person

to be their best they can.

I started with Dr. Daryl
three months ago

to help me process
all this stuff that is going on.

To be honest with you,
it all got too much,

and I needed someone to help me,

and I'm not good
at asking for help.

Maybe I'm too different
right now

to tolerate how different
she is.

- You can be courteous
around each other.

You don't need to be
at each other's throats.

Be respectable
to each other's space.

You guys are each
your own person,

and we don't know on the surface
what the sh... is

that we're all dealing with
underneath.

- That's it.
- We see what we see,

but then there's the whole
other world that's going on

that we don't really know.

We could say to ourselves if...
- And I handled it...

I handled it poorly because
I'm so internally, you know,

ah... going through something.

With the house
and the breaking up with John,

it's having an effect
on my personal being.

- Mm.
- It's gonna be a year

this January that it's been
the Great Lady went to sleep.

I call her the Great Lady.
- Mm-hmm.

- Blue Stone Manor.

I had to go through something
with the house

that I never allowed myself
to go through

after Richard died.

You know, I had to throw away
part of our life,

'cause it was underwater.
- I know.

- Piles and piles and piles
of our life

that I didn't even bother
to go through

'cause I thought
that's too painful.

'Cause not only is it...
Do I have to go through it,

but it's ruined. - Right.

I can see it's... it's stirring up
some emotions right now, which...

- Well...
- Was it memories? Was it...

Was it about you?
- I... Well, I feel like I...

[ clears throat ]

[ voice breaking ]
It's making me an angry person

towards people because I was
a little bit lost at sea

after Richard died,
and instead of really...

...taking it on and allowing it
to, you know,

be in the sea of it.

I pretended like everything
was okay.

And I never really acknowledged
this tremendous loss

that really stunted me...

- Yeah.
- ...you know, in so many ways.

- I know.
- From motherhood down,

and it's making me angry.

It just made me think about
a life once had

and how probably I never really
put a period on it.

And in the process of...

[ sniffles ]
resurrecting this place,

I've kind of let go
of a lot of things.

That probably,
without knowing it...

[ sniffles ]
kept me tied to the past.

- What's it gonna take
to get you from here?

Do you feel like you're stuck
right now 'cause...

- No, I think every week...
You know what I...

Do you know what I think
is gonna get me there?

And this is what I've
been trying to explain to John,

is complete selfishness

and just be a little bit more
mindful of myself.

- So what's...
What's going on with him?

- I haven't seen him.
- For how long?

- A while.

My daughter Hannah's theory
is that I met John too quickly

after Richard passed.

Who knows? As I always say
about the grieving process,

you do what you gotta do.

I don't regret it,
and I'll always love John,

but I was in a different place
when I met him,

and I'm
in a different place now.

Welcome to life.

- You have to focus on what
you need to do right for you

right now, and that's what
you're telling me,

is that you need to have that
time, that space, which is okay.

- And I gotta be honest
with you,

I'm really sort of enjoying it.

There's such a relief
to just worry about yourself

and no one else, like, I don't...

My life has gotten quieter,
and I needed the noise

to go away, and then maybe
I'll want it all again,

but I can't take the noise
right now.

- I love the fact
that you're honoring yourself.

- Dorinda is the nurturer.
Dorinda is the one

who's always taking care
of everyone else.

So I think it's great that
you're finally honoring you,

and you can still take care
of other people,

but you come first.

Just give yourself
a high five for that

because it's... it's a huge thing.

It's a huge thing for this
and for your health.

- It feels good.
- Yes. Yes.

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?

- Good. I have five girlfriends
meeting me here.

I really want the women
to have the full...

- Full experience?
- ...bathhouse experience.

- Okay.
- I want the hats.

I want the robes. I want,
like, everything for them.

- Yes, hats are definitely...
- Okay.

- To protect the beautiful hair
from overheat.

- Exactly.
- So here you have, like,

this hat. - Okay.

When Luann said a spa day
would help the group,

I don't think she was thinking
the Russian bathhouse,

but I kinda took her idea
and ran with it.

Look, I thought maybe I could
get the group together

to go to this place
down in my neighborhood,

and that is my oasis for, like,
relaxation,

detoxing, and maybe it'll help
get us in a better place.

I don't know.

This is
a New York iconic institution

that has so much more character

than any
of the Upper East Side spas.

They should be very grateful
that I'm introducing them

to this place.

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hi.
- Hi.

- How are you? Welcome.
- How are you? Thank you.

- Okay.
- Hi.

- So you're meeting
your friend, right?

- Yeah.
- Okay, so put

your most valuable stuffs here
like jewelry,

because it's a little bit
too hot in the sauna.

You can leave some.
- Uh, all this is fine.

I sleep with it.
- Okay, no problem, no problem.

- It doesn't come off.

Thank you, but no thank you.

Okay, I sleep with hoops on.
I-I sleep with my jewelry on.

No, you can't have it.
It's mine. Sorry.

- So I have
five girlfriends coming.

I just wanna order lunch
for them now.

- All right.
- So these are all vodkas?

- Yes,
it's all different flavors.

- Oh, my God. Ginger vodka.

That sounds healthy, actually.
- Yes.

- Hi.
- Hi!

- How are you?
- You look so cute!

- We're at the spa.
- Wait, wait.

They have all Russian vodka.

- Ooh. May I have some
ginger vodka right now?

- This is strong thing.

- Ooh. It's delicious.

- By the way, in Russia,
we shot. We never sip. We shot.

- Okay, well, you...
- Shot.

- Okay. I'm American. All right?
- [ laughs ]

- Sorry. Thank you.
- [ laughs ]

- I don't go downtown much.
- Believe me, I'm, you know,

I'm not thrilled.
- Yeah, I said there's

five reasons why I ever
come down to this area.

Birth certificate... - Oh, yeah.

- Death certificates,
marriage certificates,

jury duty, or going to jail.

- For me, it's parole.
- [ laughs ]

- I swear to God, when you go
past Canal Street,

the weather changes.

It gets grayer.

I don't come down here
unless I am...

- Me, too. I...
- ...I am summoned.

- So I had lunch with Leah
and Tinsley.

- Oh, God.
I'm sure I was the topic.

- Well, you kind of were
the topic.

She's trying to figure out
how to approach you

in order to, like,
make things better.

Of course, Leah has her thoughts
which is kind of gangster,

and I'm like...

- Yeah, well...
- That's why we get along,

'cause we...
- That's why you get along, so...

- We've been speaking a lot,
Leah and I.

She's a great mother,
which I always respect.

- Mm-hmm.
- And she's been through a lot.

- Yeah.
- And she's not afraid

to let... show all sides-
- Speak her mind.

- Yeah. And I think about myself
and Tinsley...

I don't really live in, like,
a fantasy world.

♪♪♪♪♪

- Coming up...

- Oh! Well, that hurts a little.
Not so hard! Not so hard!

♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hi.
- Hello.

- Am I late or early?

- You're right on time.
- Oh, I like that answer.

Right on time. Okay.

- Do you wanna put some
valuables in the box?

- Let me give you my watch.
- Okay.

- 'Cause I love this watch.
- It's very nice.

- [ haughty voice ]
Yes, Cartier, darling. Cartier.

- [ laughs ]

So the hat is you put it
inside in the sauna.

- Wait a minute.
I gotta wear a hat?

- When you're in the sauna,
you have to protect your head.

- Oy.

The spa... it's a little rustic.
It's not quite what I'm used to.

- Be careful.
- Yeah, I know.

Why did I wear heels?

It kinda reflects Leah...
A little rough around the edges.

[ laughs ] - Ha! Hi!

- Look at you in that hat.

- Hi!
- Hi!

- How are you?
- All right, let's just change.

Where do I change?
- Yeah, I mean...

- Change right in here.
- I don't know.

- What don't you know?
- Just, I don't...

- She's, like...
- I don't like my robe.

- She doesn't like flip-flops,
and she doesn't like...

- I'm not... I know. I mean, I am.
- Look, I just...

I'm gonna tell you that she
gets a little too crazy.

She can be a little bit
of a bully sometimes.

All right, anyway,
let's not talk about it.

Why am I bringing up
negative stuff?

Okay, goodbye. Let me get ready.

- Positive vibes only!

- Is that it?
- That's it.

- Uh... wow.
[ siren wailing in distance ]

- But there's a strip club
down the road.

- That's a strip club.
- Does that tell you anything?

[ laughs ]

- This area, just so you know,

'cause you're still
a youngster...

- Yeah.
- My mother never told me

about this.
This starts getting crinkly.

Like, Sonja has it. Oh, my God.
Sonja has all these, like, ugh,

creases here.

- Spa and restaurant.
Oh, my God.

Oh, Lord.

- You're just trying to show off
your boobs right now.

- They are looking good, right?

- [ laughs ]
- They do look great.

- Oh, I'm rubbing some cream
on my boobs.

- Let me see how I look.
Yeah, I would pick up myself.

- Women's Locker Room. Okay.
- Hello!

- Hey, you.
- Are you excited?

- Hi.
- Hi, girls.

- Are you excited?
- Hi. How are you?

- I'm going to let things go
the way everybody

keeps saying it,
so she can go over there,

and I can go over here,

and that's how we're
gonna play it.

- Give us the lowdown, Luann.
What do we do?

- All right. So basically... Hey!
Hi! [ laughs ]

- Is this your idea?
- Yep.

- Oh, God, I should've known.
- Right, because you're, like,

below 14th street? - Yes!

I said, I'm in Graffiti Land.

There's graffiti everywhere,

gates down
in the middle of the day.

I mean, I avoid those areas
uptown,

and that's the way it is
everywhere downtown.

- So I came prepared.
- Amazing.

Got my bathing suit on already.

- We're gonna go
into the dry sauna,

and then we're gonna go upstairs
and get...

- You're gonna be hot.

- All right, here we go.

- Ohh.
- Gotta climb up.

- Ooh, it's hot.
It's so hot up here.

- Whew.

- This is very bare bones.
Like...

- Bare bones.
- Down to earth.

Bare bones. - Wow, your boobs

look really good
in that bathing suit, girl.

- This is a true story...

- Really?
- 'Cause they're so soft.

Feel mine. Mine are very soft.
- Oh, yeah.

- [ speaks indistinctly ]
- Oh, yeah, no.

Yeah, they feel good. - Right?

- Look at this.
- Look at this.

- Both: It's like a photo shoot.

[ laughter ]

- Oh, my God.
- Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

- Oh, my God.
I was just gonna say that.

- All right, let's go.
Speaking of great boobs, let's...

- Yeah. It's just...
- It's getting hot.

- It's too hot for the boobs
in here.

- Oh, my God.

- Come on.
Let's get the massages.

- Hannah would love this.
- This is like a "hammas."

Don't you love the "hammases"?

- Oh, the hammam. Hammam.
[ laughs ]

- "Hammas," hammam. [ laughs ]

- [ singsongy ] All right,
who wants to go first?

- Oh, hello.
- Oh. [ laughs ] We'll go.

- Sure.
- Let's go together.

- Just lay down here with...
- Yeah.

- How are you?
- Good. How are you?

- Good. What's your...
- Luann, we start...

We start like this. I know.

- Oh, hello. Let's get beaten
by those leaves.

- I thought I was horny,
but these women are

way more DTF than I am.

- But wait, don't get...
Don't get my hair dirty.

- They really are. [ laughs ]

- Wait. Can I have my hat?
I need my hat, babycakes.

Can you give me my hat?

- What are they supposed
to do for you?

- It exfoliates, and it's also
good for circulation.

- [ laughs ]
- [ squeals ]

- Oh, it's got a rhythm to it.
- Oh!

- I feel like I'm being attacked
by a tree.

If I'm gonna get beaten up
by a wet bush,

let it be hot guys.
That's my fantasy.

- Whoa!
- It's like a car wash.

- Oh! That's hurts a little!
Not so hard!

- Ow.
- Not so hard!

- Ramona, it's time to turn over
on the other side.

- No, I'm done. I'm done.

- It's your... your...
[ laughter ]

That was enough for me.
- All right, I'm gonna go.

- Time to turn over a new leaf.
[ laughter ]

- I've never been beaten
by a bunch of leaves.

It was a little sensual,
I think.

A little sensual, yeah.

- Ow, that's great.
Am I detoxed enough?

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

- Should I start face down
or face up?

- Face down.
- Leah has a good body.

- This is the most action
I've had in a while, believe me.

- I want the Leah special.

- Ah.
- Ah!

- I don't know what it does
for you,

but I know after this
I might try S&M.

Ohh! Something to it.

People beat you,
and you feel better.

- Tinsley! You're next.
- No, I don't wanna do it.

- Why not?
- Because I don't want to.

- You're not participating.

- I have allergies, and I'm
probably allergic to this sh...,

so I don't know.
This just looks weird.

- Oh, my God.
I feel like I'm on a yacht,

like it's, like, moving.

I don't know what this does,
but it works.

What are we doing now?
- I'm gonna get a foot scrub.

- Oh, I want a foot scrub.
- I want a foot scrub, too.

Okay.

For a foot scrub?

What kind of scrub
makes you be face down?

I think you're being
tricky here.

I'm not falling for
the face down foot scrub.

I've had that before,
and I ended up with Hannah.

- [ laughs ]

- Coming up...

- You have a pattern.
When someone upsets you,

you go for the jugular.
You go below the belt,

and you really hurt people.
- You do it all the time.

So you should recognize it
very well.

♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪

- Is it lunchtime?

- Yeah, let's go eat.

- Right?
- Let's eat.

- Yeah, let's go have lunch.
- Ooh.

- Oh, this looks pretty.

- We're six?
- Wow, there must be

some crazy parties that go on
in this room.

- Oh, yes.
- Why is there a hot tub

in the corner? Oh, God.
- Ew, gross.

- Caviar?
- Oh, yeah, make me one, baby.

- Thank you.
- Amazing.

Guys, I wanna make
a little toast.

- Okay.
- Yay.

- Okay. I have to admit that
when I first met all of you,

it did feel like not fitting in,
the downtown girl.

- Can you take the hat off?
You can't make a toast

with that hat on. - Okay.

- I-I can't. I can't.
- As time how gone by,

each and every one of you
has really opened up to me,

and I just...
I really appreciate it, so...

- Amazing.
- Amazing.

- Thank you.
- Thank you for bringing us

all the way down here. - Yeah.

- I actually enjoy it.

- It was very funky...
- I think Hannah will love it.

- ...funky spa.
- Yeah, something different.

- I've never seen
anything like it.

- It's something different.

- I hope you're hungry.
- What is that?

- Portobello mushrooms.
- This is chicken shish kebab...

- Wow.
- ...with the buckwheat.

- Oh, my God.
- So I think before it gets

really cold out
and the weather's still nice,

I'm looking into for all of us
to go to Newport

for a couple of days.
- To Newport, Rhode Island?

- Yeah,
it's like a 3-hour drive.

- Oh, Newport's gorgeous.

- I think before we start
planning another trip,

we need to handle the leftover
drama of the last trip,

and that's what we should be
talking about right now.

- Who wants some wine?

- We should take a boat ride
to Jamestown.

- And nobody is.

- Somebody else.
- All right, guys, hold on.

I feel like there's
an elephant in the room,

and I need to get this...
- There is?

- ...off my chest.
- Go ahead.

- Oh, boy.

- But I'm just speaking
from my heart right now.

The orchard trip... I went home
and I cried afterwards.

I feel like we have
to acknowledge it,

and we're not acknowledging
that the orchard trip...

- It was a sh... show.
- ...was a... ing sh... show,

and when I see people
attacking each other,

I'm, like, oh, my God.
It was a lot.

I mean, and I just want... I think
we should just acknowledge it,

and that's it. - Well...

- Because if we don't
acknowledge it...

- Okay. I acknowledge it.
- Yep.

♪♪♪♪♪

- She's trying to point out
the fact that at the orchard,

Tinsley felt ganged up on,
which, rightly so,

because everybody kinda jumped
down her throat,

but... but I think...
- No, no, no, she made...

She made a comment,
a flip comment,

"Well, I guess we can talk
about John,

when you think you got
the best spot."

- About John.
- It was about...

- It's not easy for me to be
that person

and tell everybody that kind
of stuff, 'cause it's...

- It's called sharing.

It's really hard, strictly
when people judge you on' em.

- Listen, my gum lasts longer
than your relationship, okay?

- No, it was a sh... show,
and we have to figure out ways

it doesn't happen again.
Dorinda, don't be mad at me.

- Specific... What?
- What?

- No, because I really thought
about it before coming here,

and I know I'm not perfect.

God knows I'm not perfect.
I make mistakes all the time.

- Okay, here we go.
- I'm trying to get better.

You advise me of
a lot of things, Dorinda.

I respect you tremendously,

but I realize
that for some reason,

you have a pattern,
and I love you.

Don't get me wrong.
But when someone upsets you,

you go for the jugular.
You go below the belt,

and you really hurt people,

and I don't think you even
realize you do it.

- I think she knows she does it.
- And I think after you do it,

you feel bad about it.
- But you do it all the time.

- Yeah.
- So you should recognize it

very well. - Mm-hmm.

- You do it all the time.
- Zing!

- See, that's what you do.
See, I'm trying...

- Well, you're bring...
You just wanted to...

- No, see, that's what
you do, Dorinda.

That's...
Okay, I'm not going there.

That's your problem,
and we'll just stop it now.

- Okay. All right.
- Okay, I'm just gonna stop it

because that's really sh... ty.

Dorinda is turning this
all around,

pointing fingers at me 'cause

she doesn't wanna recognize
her own faults.

I mean, I can't even tell
this girl anything

without her just...
[ makes choking sound ]

- I don't think it's right
for one of my best friends

in my life to be bringing up
in a group, yelling out,

"Well, John texts women."
I think that, you know...

I said, "What would you do
if he texted somebody?"

If you knew he was
at a party tonight,

he was taking girls' numbers,
what would you do?

- Well, of course I'd be upset,
but why again,

would you say that?
- Why would you say that?

- That's an asshole thing
to say.

- I said, "What would you do?"

- I'm very protective of her.
- That was a zing, Ramona,

when you said...
- What would you do?

- No, you said,
you thought he was...

- So Ramona doesn't wanna
do that.

As her friend,
she shouldn't do this.

- Well, you did it to her
in Cartagena.

You said, "I don't have
a mugshot."

- You're a lady? You just broke
your glass in front of me.

- Stop. Stop.
Oh, I didn't get a...

I didn't get a mugshot over it.

- Really?
- I didn't, really.

So I reacted.
- What happened, she...

- No, but I'm saying
you do this all the time.

This always happens.
- I think the way

to do it, Ramona,
if you recognize that,

is probably as your good friend
that have both gone through

tremendous amounts
of stuff together,

don't say things like that.

Pull me aside
if you wanna take me,

and be kind, but not in a group.

I find it very entertaining
that Ramona says I go

for her jugular when she's
literally a living vampire.

She sucks the living life
out of people

with her bad behavior.

- Why are you lecturing me after
your behavior at the orchard?

- I'm just saying.
- Well, I'm just saying.

This is about... This...
Don't make this about me.

This is about you. If you wanna
have a separate conversation

with me about other things,
not a problem.

- Well, be more specifically...
- Oh.

- Because you are not being
specific.

- All right,
I actually need a shot.

- Bring the vodka.

- I'm not trying to blow up
the table.

I wasn't trying to... I'm
honestly not trying to do that.

I was trying to have a dialogue.
- I was gonna say, the table...

- I adore and respect
all of you,

and it's something... I have a
very special bond with Dorinda.

I feel that way. - I do, too.

- Mm-hmm.
- But I am also terrified

that what if I do something
that tr... And then...

- Triggers.
- And then I'm

on the other side of it.
- Right.

- Yeah.
- It's scary.

- Well, don't be t...
- I know. I've been

very scared of you.

- Instead of listening
and hearing us,

Dorinda just goes for Ramona
or whoever she can

in order to deflect
the situation

so it's all about somebody else
and not about her.

She is not hearing what we say.

- It's about, you know,
I don't... I don't judge you.

- Yeah,
I don't judge you either.

- And I respect you.
- There you go.

- And I just hope that we would
just... you would do the same.

- I don't judge you,
and I respect you.

We don't have to have
any more discussions.

- Let's toast to that.
- We're good.

- I also said you deserve that.
- Toast to a judgment-free zone.

- Yeah.
- Yes.

- Yeah, baby.
- Okay.

No judging. Support. - Yeah.

- And a little more respect
for everybody.

- I gonna have to pee now.

- Okay, now you can go
to the bathroom.

- Okay, go pee.
- [ sighs ]

- Good.
- Was it good?

- I don't know.
It's just sort of a ceasefire.

- It is a solution. It is
a ceasefire, which is good.

- Right, right,
well, that's something.

- We're in a Russian place.
This could've gone anothe way.

[ laughter ]

- Coming up...

- Are there condoms
in the nightstand drawer?

- No!
- No? You don't have condoms?

- No! I have a... a thing.

What do you call those things?
- I don't wanna know.

♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪

[ knock on door ]

- Coming.

- Hi.
- Hey, sister.

- Hi. How are you? Mwah.
- Good to see you.

- Nothing.
My neck is killing me.

- Oh, no.
- Like, really bad.

- Why?
- I just, like,

was doing squats yesterday
and tweaked it.

Whoops.

- My sister is basically
me times a hundred.

I feel like we kind of feel
like twins,

like we share a little bit
of the same soul.

It definitely gets intense
sometimes.

But at this point in our lives,
we're both adults.

We're both moms
and best friends.

Do you want green juice?
- Yes, please.

- And I have a little, um,
chia pudding.

Oh, I also have a fruit salad
that the pita chip made.

- Oh, a little pita chip.

- He really makes a good
fruit salad, though. Look at it.

- You in the deep end
of the hummus last night.

[ laughs ]

Pita chip is this guy
that I'm dating.

He owns a kosher restaurant
and pita bakery.

You know, I love Jews.
I just can't even help it.

He's quirky and funny
and interesting,

and I have no idea
where it's gonna go. we'll see.

He owns a... ing pita place
that sells pitas

to everybody in New York.

He's got a lot of money
doing it.

I took a picture of myself nude
with a pita here.

I sent it to him. - Okay.

- And then he sent it
to a friend,

but he sent it to me, thinking
he was sending it to a friend.

And obviously,
I was, like, very upset

that I was, like,
talking to someone

that would do something
so corny.

I think that he's actually
a gentleman.

He just made a mistake.
I like weirdos.

I like intellectual, smart,
funny.

I also am not into dating
hot guys.

I like dating ugly guys.

I wanna be Beauty,
and then I need a Beast.

I don't know. I like it.
He's so...

- It's convenient,
and honestly...

- It's very convenient.
It is convenient.

- Convenience isn't...
Isn't a good way to date.

- How was Connecticut
this weekend?

- Honestly...

- Yeah, how was Mom and Dad?

- I hon... I don't wanna
make you upset.

♪♪♪♪♪

It was, like, very stressful.

Mom was upset about you.

- Me and my mom
are on speaking terms again

after I started drinking again,
much to my mother's dismay.

I texted her, and I said,
"Mom, let's stop fighting.

This is depressing.
Life is too short."

And she didn't respond back
to me.

- I told you, you have to
go there in person.

She's angry, and now she's
pulling away from you.

- There's definitely still
lingering tension between us,

but for now, we're just
sweeping it under the rug.

- For me, I don't really mix
too much with Mom.

- I tell Mom everything.
- I know.

- Which I have to stop.
- I think you do.

- I think she wants me
to stop telling her everything.

- She does.
- But it's killing me,

'cause I'm like,
"You're my mom."

- But I think the way
you connect with her

is, like, bad behavior
in some ways.

- That's true.
I know. it's very...

- That was your dynamic.
- That was the dynamic

from when I was a child.

I haven't learned how
to, uh, undo that.

I think my sister's
absolutely right.

I am in a way still caught
in a dynamic

that's very old with my mother,
even though I've changed so much

and our relationship
has changed.

I'm still going back
to old behavior,

old dynamic when it comes
to me and her.

- Take a breath. Call her.
See how she's doing.

Engage in a conversation
with her that's about her.

- Right.
- Just basics.

- I think so, too.

♪♪♪♪♪

♪ I'm-a live it up, live it up,
live it up ♪

[ knock on door ]
- Oh, my God. I'm not ready!

Go back. Go away.

[ knocking continues ] Go away.

I'm not even dressed yet.
Who's there?

- It's me.
- Oh! Look how pretty you are.

- Oh, my God. Look at you.
- A berry?

Well, 'cause I was hot.
I'm getting ready.

Nicole's here.
She's staying over tonight.

- Hi, darlings.
- Hey, sweetie.

- Nicole's in the kitchen,
chopping. Mwah.

- Yeah, I had her sleep over

just so should could help
in the kitchen.

- And you walking around
in lingerie.

Are there any men coming?
- I know, I know.

- She was bending over
in lingerie before. No respect.

- Well, it's only girls here,
so it's okay.

My girlfriends are really
important to me,

and I find a great way
to build relationships with them

is to have them to my apartment.

Hey, gorge. Look at you.
- Hi. How are you?

So I bring different groups
of women together,

and they network
and they become friends

and go out socially after.

You know, I'm sort of
a matchmaker with women friends.

I like it.

Nicole, have you met Christine
before?

- Hi!
- In the Hamptons briefly.

- Yes.
- Weren't we at Bilboquet?

- Yes, yes. How are you?
- Nice to see you.

- Who doesn't go to Bilboquet?

[ cork pops ]

♪♪♪♪♪

I'm glad you women are here
because

I'm finally feeling this is,
like, my home.

Yeah, I'm finally feeling it,
which is good.

- It looks great.

- Are there condoms
in the nightstand drawer?

- No!
- No? You don't have condoms

in the... - No!

- Really?!
- No!

- I'm gonna go check.
I don't believe you.

- I don't have any condoms
in the drawer.

I have a-a thing.
What do you call those things?

- I don't wanna know.

There's things Avery
doesn't need to know.

- All right, listen, if I had
condoms, I would tell you.

I do not have condoms.

- I can't believe you don't
have condoms.

I definitely like to get
a little bit of a rise

out of Ramona because she plays
the Catholic girl,

"I'm so innocent," and then she
talks about how horny she is

and she's never been hotter.

- Last fall, I was
in a relationship with someone,

and I kept condoms for him
'cause he sometimes...

He needed more
and he wanted more 'cause he...

Oh, my God!
- Say it. How many did he use?

- Wait, wait. He wanted more.

So you gave him
multiple orgasms.

I'm impressed.
- Okay, I'm embarrassed!

Oh, my God. - Oh, you... Stop.

- All right. Stop, stop.
- So now... how many condoms

did he use when he last...
- He needed three.

- In one night?

- Yeah.
- Wow. I wanna sleep with you.

[ laughter ]

♪♪♪♪♪

[ door buzzing ]
Oh, yeah, I saw him yesterday.

He took me to...

[ buzzing continues ]

- Really? [ buzz, buzz ]

[ laughter ]

- I had FOMO the whole way.
Fear of Missing Out.

I brought you the dress
that you couldn't zip up.

- Seriously? I love that dress.
I'm so excited.

- It's a Large.
- No, it's okay.

Maybe I need an Extra Large.

- It looked so good
in the picture.

You just couldn't zip it up,
right?

- I know.
I couldn't zip up the back.

- So this one I tried on.
You'll be able to zip it up.

- Oh, good. If you can wear it,
I can wear it.

We're the same. - Okay.

[ knock on door ] Entre.

- Hello!
- Ah, the best for last.

So beautiful. [ gasps ]
- Sorry I'm late.

- Thank you.
- Let me see it.

Let me see this outfit.

Yesterday, it was a sh... show
with Dorinda and me.

- Thank you for having me.
- Yeah.

- You look beautiful.
- So do you.

I already invited Dorinda.

I'm not gonna disinvite her,
and I hope she's gonna be

in a good mood
and be more the old Dorinda

and not that
new hateful Dorinda.

- Hello, girls. How's cocktails
and conversations going?

- Hi! Yeah. [ laughs ]

[ indistinct conversations,
laughter ]

- You look beautiful.
- I gave Ramona a dress

that I'd given her in a meeting,
but she needed a Large.

So I brought the Large.
- Oh, good.

- When were at the spa,
in the locker room,

Ramona tells me that I need
to lose at least 10 pounds

because I'm beautiful.

I'm beautiful with weight on,
bitch. I mean, really?

[ crunching ]

- Oh, I enjoyed that, um, spa.
- It was Old World.

It wasn't posh and circumstance,
really.

- So this was like
down and dirty.

- Right.
- I mean, it's all...

It's... it's the Russian spa.
- I've been to this place.

- Of course you've been there.
- The Wall Street guys

would go with their strippers
to the Russian bath.

- Oh, Jesus.
- I knew there was a story

behind this place.

- Wait. So who came up with it?
Was it Leah?

- Oh, yeah.
- Of course.

- So did you have fun?
- At the spa?

- Yeah.
- Well, I was happy that,

you know, Tinsley could get
those four words out.

- What words?
- "I respect you."

- Well, I think
she just didn't want

any more altercation with you.
- Right.

- I think what she said was,
"You know what?

I respect you,
and I don't judge you."

- Yeah.
- And I thought that was

a very nice thing to...
- Yeah, I said the same thing.

No, but I gotta tell you,
Ramona, what you did

was wrong yesterday.
- You know what?

- It was wrong.
- I was a little shocked.

- I gotta tell you,
something came today.

- Dorinda, you do that
all the time to people.

- Okay. So...
- You take people down

all the time.
- You know this word?

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, of course.

- Schadenfreude.
I'm married to a German.

You know what schadenfreude is?

- Yeah.
- You don't wish someone ill,

but if something bad happens,
you get pleasure from it.

- Are you crazy?
- But they do better than you.

- You're nuts. You are so nuts.

- And you bring up
something from two years ago.

You're like, "Were you
in Cartagena with Luann?"

You're supposed to be my friend.

- That was 17 diarrheas ago.
- It had nothing to do with me.

I need you always to support me.
- I said to you...

I do support you.
- No, you don't.

- You lash out at everybody.

Anybody questions anything
you say, she gets nuts.

- Oh, the person of etiquette.
- I'm gonna walk away.

- This is a woman...
- You said talk alone.

- Do it now.

- I need you always

- I need you always
to support me.

- I do support you.
- No, you don't.

Are you jealous I'm back
with Luann?

- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- This is a woman

that dumped me...
- You said talk alone.

Talk alone.
- I don't wanna talk alone.

- But you know, but that's what
you accuse me of.

- I'm gonna do what you did now.
- If you have something to say,

talk alone.
- You're acting like Tinsley

screaming back.

It's a little ironic
that Dorinda,

if I bring up something
I remember about John,

or this one,
"Ramona, talk to me in private!

Don't do it in front of people."
But yet here,

these are people she doesn't
even know,

and she's going off like...
Like she's... like a crazy woman.

- At the end of the lunch
yesterday,

she calls me crying because
she fat-shames her,

tells her she needs
to lose weight.

- I was upset after that.
That was true.

- She cried to me all night.
This woman empowerment...

I think what you love to do
is do well,

but not better than me.

You want always to run,
take the best, get the best.

The way you run around houses...
- Do you think so?

- ...to get rooms.
We go to our room.

- Listen,
these are my girlfriends.

- This poor woman is going
through...

You know what I'm trying to do?
- I think you're like that.

You're so angry.
- You like people's misfortune.

You like to deflect on you...
- That's not...

- ...to make people feel bad.
- That's not true.

- You're a coward.
- I'm not a coward.

- Schaden... How do you say it?
Schadenfreude?

- You like to take control
of the conversation.

- Do you think that was nice
to bring up two years ago...

Cartagena?
- Do you think it was nice

the way you spoke to...
- Do you think it was nice?

- To Tinsley?
Do you think that was nice?

- Oh, now you're so concerned
with Tinsley.

- Oh, yeah.
- You don't give a sh...

About Tinsley. - Yes, I do.

Dorinda, I'm so sorry
you're so unhappy.

I'm so sorry you're so unhappy.
- Well, we are unhappy.

- I'm sorry that Richard died
tomorrow.

- We are unhappy.
- I'm sorry that

it's your anniversary coming up.

- I'm sorry you can't land
a boulder.

I'm sorry there's been so many
men in your life

that have come and gone,
and you can't land a boulder.

- Oh, my God. This is...
- Sorry.

- I think you should just leave.
Just leave. Just leave.

- I wanna leave.
- Yeah.

- I wanna leave.
- Dorinda, don't leave.

- We're all unhappy.
- Yeah, we're unhappy.

- Dorinda, I'm telling you,
this is so dis...

- Yeah, I know.
- Come on. Let's go.

- Really? The two of you
are leaving?

- Yeah. We'll go.
- Come on.

- Yeah, I love to be kicked out
of a good house.

- No, she's just crazy.
- Sonja...

- They're both nuts.

- Sonja, Dorinda,
come back inside.

- She said to me yesterday,
you have something negative

to say about me,
do it privately.

So now, she's doing exactly
what she doesn't want me to do,

so who's she preaching to?

- But the thing is,
I wanna be myself.

If I wanna be fat,
I wanna be fat.

If I wanna drink, I wanna drink.

Why is she shaming me?
- You're not fat.

- I'm not fat.
- Listen, I love you both.

I don't wanna fight with you.
- We're upset.

I needed your support yesterday.
- I don't wanna fight with you!

I don't wanna fight with you!

- I needed
your support yesterday.

- Well, I tried to help you.
- No, you didn't.

You brought it up at lunch.
You should've just let it sit.

- I'm sorry.
- You know it's a bad week,

and you know I just broke up

from a seven and a half-year
relationship!

- Oh, my God. You guys have...
- I'm weak right now!

- Stop.

- During this time,
which isn't easy

between everything
with the house, breaking up,

just general sort
of slight depression,

to be honest with you,

I don't need her
to be knocking me down.

I need you to be building me up.
I need a soft place to land.

You're not a pillow.
You're a concrete block.

- I don't want to hurt you.
I love you.

- I don't either.
We love each other.

We've been through so much
together.

- I know that.
- So it's so unusual.

Like, Tinsley... when we fight,
I don't feel anything.

- Can we bring it back inside?
- But with you, it breaks me.

You're like a sister to me.
- Let's work it out

so we're not in the hall.
Start walking.

- I know that.
- I go home, and my heart hurts.

- I love you both.
- Bring it inside.

- I love you both so much. I do.
- And I know you don't mean it

out of meanness.
You're trying to help,

but I always say it's sometimes
the delivery,

and I know my delivery's
not good.

I wanna get rid of the hysterics

of our lives. - I do, too.

- And I'm trying
with my life coach.

- I need my girls. I need you.
- I'm trying with the coach.

- I need you. I need you.
- I'm trying. I'm trying.

- I need you!
- I don't wanna be alone again.

I'm afraid. - Well, I'm afraid

I'm gonna be alone forever,
so I can relate to that, okay?

I'm gonna be alone forever.
All right.

[ laughter ]

I love you both so much.
I'm glad that

all three of us are friends.
I really am.

- And you know...

- Yeah.
- You know, the three of you

could drive Mother Teresa
to drink.

- I love Dorinda.
She is like a sister to me,

but Dorinda's not acknowledging
how mean-spirited she can be.

It's very hurtful.

When Dorinda acts like this,
you can do nothing.

You can do nothing because
nothing will work... nothing,

except to shut your mouth.

- I have your back.
You may not think I do.

But I do. - No, I know you do.

- And I'm your champion.
- I know.

- I only want the best for you,
Dorinda.

I love you so much, seriously.
- I love you.

And that's it.
If we ever have a problem,

just pull me aside...
- Yes, I promise.

- ...like we have for years.
- Oh, I'm sweatin' from that.

- Me, too.
- I'm sweatin'.

- Next time on "The Real
Housewives of New York City"...

- All right.
- Downtown Newport. Whoa!

We're almost there! Yay!

- I actually feel horny again,
don't you?

- The smell.

- Maybe we could get
our mojo going again.

- Can you put maybe, like,
two more shots of vodka?

- No.
- Ramona, stop.

Don't even start with me.
- Two more shots?

- Am I gonna get thrown
out of Rhode Island, Tinsley?

Am I gonna get thrown out
of... ing Newport?

Yeah!

Oh! Hell, no, bitch!

- I love Leah, but I don't know
what's happening here.

- [ speaking indistinctly
in high-pitched mocking voice ]

- I don't wanna be embarrassed
in Newport.

- She's not afraid to be
embarrassed

anywhere else in the world.

I was not gonna stand by...
- I mean, she blacked out

- ...and let
that bullsh... blow over.

- I am who I am.

- I know, but then I don't know
if I can... I don't know...

- You may not like me then.
- You're right.

- You know what I mean?
That's it.

- 'Cause I don't like
that behavior.