The Real Housewives of Dallas (2016–2021): Season 5, Episode 7 - Getting Weird in Austin - full transcript

Previously, on
"The Real Housewives of Dallas"

I love my work.

I just don't
wanna do it all the time.

No one's forcing you
to work full-time.

Kary and I had a knock-down
drag-out at Brandi's birthday.

You're always dramatic
every single time I... ing

- talk to you.
- And you're not dramatic?

No, I'm not.

You clearly have no
...ing clue.

I do have a clue,
I know...

Okay, stop!



Now that everyone is here,

I shall make an announcement.

No fighting.

I know that's really hard
in this group.

Okay.

You just ate some crickets.

No, I didn't.

Hey, Brandi?

Ew, gross.

Oh, my God,
I'm so sorry, Brandi.

No, girl, you're good.
You're good.

I wasn't trying
to make you puke.

I still kind of feel like
unsure of myself

when I'm around Tiffany.



Okay, Kary, this is your riddle
and you have to guess

what we're doing

to further celebrate
your birthday.

Okay. Water,
that's a lake, Austin.

We're riding rock star style
on a tour bus.

I don't need
your approval,

I need you to get out of my way

If you take a shot at me,
it better be tequila.

I can save your life
but not your reputation.

Take it from me,
a sinner is just a saint

who keeps on trying.

Dallas girls
are sugar and spice

but I'm still working on nice.

I love to be pampered
but I'm nobody's pet.

So, on the trip...

You're in Austin.

So Austin, the first day

we're having
like a little country situation

where we're having barbeque
and Western Day,

and there's a person that does

chicken sh... bingo
that's coming.

That's got to be the dumbest
thing I've ever heard.

No, it's gonna be awesome.

Packing already, huh?

We're staying in a house.

So why are you packing
my underwear?

I have a blow-up doll
that kind of looks like you.

Like me?

But he needs these
because he's very well-endowed.

Okay.

We're staying at this estate
and it is right on Lake Austin.

This all is going.

What's already
in the suitcases?

Well, half this suitcase
is my shoes.

Do you know how big
these feet are?

I got big feet.

Do you know
how big my shoes are?

It takes up half my suitcase.

Yeah, but how many
shoes are you bringing?

I have a different shoe
for every outfit.

Kam, that's ridiculous.

- Hi, girl.
- Hi.

Oh, my God, your hat.

I'm like Kameron
may steal it from me.

Oh, I am gonna steal it.
You better lock it up.

Okay. So I'm bringing,
like, cover ups, bathing suits.

Like, what are we gonna do,
like, at night?

We're probably just gonna do
like a fun Texas-themed dinner.

Okay.

I'm glad I called you
because I was not packing

any cowboy stuff, okay?

Have like a really fabulous
outfit to wear going to Austin

because we have to be
like rock stars, you know,

we're gonna be on a tour bus.

Okay.
Like, seriously?

We're all rock stars.

So Stephanie and I decided
that a rock star tour bus

was gonna be the perfect
transportation to Austin.

I was thinking
I was gonna wear

like jean shorts
on the way there.

Yes, that's perfect.

These ladies better pull out
their rock star outfits

because we are gonna be
rocking it

in this bus rock star style.

Okay, Kam, well,
I'm so excited

- and I'll see you soon.
- Okay. I'm so excited, girl.

- Okay. Bye!
- Okay. Bye.

I need my girl time

like I need air to breathe.

I'll wear boots
with my Daisy Dukes.

Okay.

Is this the one
you're wanting?

Yes. Okay.

Let's do this one first.
Look, it's ombre.

It's aluminum, it's Dior.

- Very cool.
- Cool, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- Like, I'm really excited

to go on this trip,

but right when I get back
is when I have my meeting.

- Mm-hmm. That's right.
- And I feel like

I need to go
into that meeting with...

Like, in a good headspace.

- Right.
- Why am I still wearing

this stupid hat?

I set up an appointment
with my supervisor

where I'm going to ask him
for a reduction

in my work hours

and it is giving me
so much anxiety.

I'm going into it feeling
good but still, like, scared.

- So I'll need you to...
- It'll be good.

To give me, like,
a really good pep talk.

- Okay.
- I wanna spend more time

with my kids

but I'm worried
that it will hurt my career

which I've worked
my entire life for.

I have a bunch of outfits
that are like,

"This one or this one.
This one or this one."

So I think
I'm gonna call D'Andra.

Okay. Let me know
if you need something.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm a hot mess
if you can see my hair.

I'm trying on all these clothes
I mean...

That's what I'm doing
right now.

- Okay. Look...
- Wash and wear

is not my favorite thing...

I made an Excel spreadsheet

because that's how I do life

is through spreadsheets.

You're doing a lot
better than me.

You covered all the bases.

Spreadsheets
is my love language.

You can calculate things.

It prints all on one page.

Does everyone not do this?

I need to consult to you
on several items.

- Are you ready?
- Okay.

Are these rocker chic?

Oh, my God, you're gonna fall
all over yourself in the bus.

- Those are cute.
- Yeah.

Okay. Mm-hmm.

Is that chic?

I think I saw
a lot of these in Vietnam.

I wanted one so bad.

Okay.
I bought you one.

Oh, great.
Okay. Awesome.

Yeah, but it's kind
of not nice

that I didn't get them
for everyone else,

like, that just now
occurred to me.

Why am I always thinking
that they're gonna think

the worst of me?

Well, I mean,
that's what I wanted talk to yo

about, like,
how do you think Friday went?

- Well...
- Because...

Well, how do you think Friday
went, since you were my guest?

Some of the girls, you know,
were telling me

they were really put off
because they were uncomfortable

and because they didn't
feel welcome,

they didn't feel like
you were a good hostess,

they didn't wanna come back.

But like what part of me
was not a good hostess?

Pizza night at Tiffany's
was a horrible experience.

How is pizza
not a good experience?

She says
that there are rules.

If anyone does something
inappropriate or wrong,

you will be put on timeout.

I went to her pizza party.

What did she put
on your pizza?

Crickets and grasshoppers.

- Oh, my God, I'd be so mad.
- Yeah, I could've died.

Stephanie and I both
have Toto toilets also.

We don't sit there
and talk about them.

I did not think that talking
about my toilets was bragging.

I mean, I thought
I was just stating a fact.

This house has nine toilets.

- Yeah.
- Nine toilets?

I'm glad
that you're telling me

because I had no clue.

You know,
I was gonna tell you.

When we got on the trip,
I was gonna have a talk with yo

but I thought it was better
to do it now

before you get
on the bus tomorrow

in case something is said.

And then they attack me.

I just feel like everything
I do is wrong.

I've never had a huge group
of girlfriends

that all hung out together.

The number one priority
was always school.

I just wanna have some fun
and I really wanna,

like, get to know
the other women better,

- you know.
- I'm gonna go in there

like you, have a good time,

try not to fight off the bat.

I always aspire
to be one of the cool girls

because I was always
on the sidelines, like,

watching them.

So this is my chance
to be part of the girl gang.

It's just not going
that well so far.

I'm gonna meditate
every morning so that one...

Can you teach me
how to meditate, too?

Because I'm trying and I usually
just fall asleep or thinking

about my to-do list.

Seriously.

This is a neon
cowboy hat, okay?

You got a mammoth forehead
in there.

Put it on. Put it on
and look in the mirror.

My head's little.

Look at you fore...

So tomorrow when we go
on the tour bus,

you know, we are supposed
to dress like rock and roll,

like it's
rock and roll tour bus.

You got a lot of those
old rock and roll shirts.

It would be amazing.

Well, that,
I had gotten a new one.

It's literally been
sitting there for a few minutes.

I think it's perfect.

- I love it.
- So then...

Is it rock and roll
all weekend?

No, it's just going there.

But then tomorrow night
is a cowboy theme,

- which, you know...
- Meh.

I don't do
the Daisy Duke situation.

So, how are you feeling
for kind of going through

your spiritualness?

Obviously Kary's
really mad at me,

and I don't know
that I've done anything

but she hasn't come to me.

Look, you guys are gonna have
loads of time on the trip

to figure that all out.

At some point
I'm sure we'll talk.

Darrin told me when I talked
to her just to say

I've been thinking
about you and...

Because I have been thinking
about her,

I've been praying
for her daughter.

I know you have.

I don't like to be fighting

with Kary.
I don't like this distance.

It's upsetting to me
because we've had

such a great friendship
and hopefully we will rekindle

that friendship that I miss
and that fun that I miss,

and the reason that we were
such good girlfriends.

And all you can do
is extend the olive branch.

Whether they wanna take
the olive branch or not,

that's on them.

But I absolutely...

I'll do the best I can,
but you know

how when you push me so far,
I snap.

Well, this isn't the time
to snap, all right?

I'll do the best I can.

You'll kick ass at it.

Coming up...

Y'all have
a good... ing night.

D'Andra.
You said you wanted...

And you go yourself.

Hey, D'Andra. D.

- Good lord.
- Good.

All right, make good choices.

Let's go see
what the bus looks like.

Hello.
So cool.

- There are beds back there.
- Wow.

Let's go look.

Look how cool this is, Hilton.

- Yay.
- Just look at the front.

I don't usually do buses

because I get really
motion sickness.

Oh, my God.

No, it's so cool.

But this is another level
and I've always wanted to ride

on a rock star bus, okay?

I never was a groupie, okay?

So this is my chance.

- Love you.
- Kiss.

Love you.

- Hello.
- Hi.

You look so amazing.

- It's like Elvis sexy.
- Yeah.

Girl, you look so good
in that.

This outfit was actually
from my cheer days.

We would wear this outfit
to the airport so nobody

would know we were
Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders.

Gotta get my friend.

Oh, it's a boy.
What on earth?

- Ew.
- Hi.

Yes, who is that?

Is that Eduardo or...

No, this is Captain Dick.

Oh, my God
he has a wiener.

No, that is too much.

Captain Dick
is inspired by Captain Brandi.

What is that?

This is Captain Brandi.

I mean, he's a redhead,

so he kind of looks
a little bit like Bryan.

This is a new prop for me.

- Hey, guys.
- Hey, girls.

I have some helpers with me.

Oh, my goodness,
look at your rocker outfit.

I know, mask kiss.

- Oh, there's Brandi.
- Oh.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Who do you got there?

Thank goodness the girls are
hanging out...

- What's your name?
- Captain Dick.

It's very nice to make
your acquaintance, sir.

Go in the car before
my children asks who this is.

We're gonna steal
your mommy for a few days.

For a few days.

- Hi.
- What is that?

The hair and makeup team
is here.

Oh, my gosh.
Are you...

Oh, my,
that's amazing.

D'Andra usually has one
more bag than I do

because she, like,
brings her personal pharmacy

and the bag is filled
with all her pills.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Okay. I love that.

That looks so cute.

It's not like it's shoes,
it's pills.

- Okay. I'm gonna...
- Okay. D'Andra,

I want one for the next trip.

I have a fear
of not having enough stuff.

Wait,
is that all she brought?

- No, are you kidding me?
- Oh.

My mother would go through
my room every day

when I'd go to school
and throw out

what she thought
I didn't need.

So I wanna have options

because I didn't have options
growing up.

Guess who's here.

Yay, birthday girl.

- Happy birthday.
- Thank so much.

- Oh, my God, that top.
- So cute. Hi.

- Oh, my God.
- Well, you look fabulous.

- Love you, Mom.
- Love you. Bye, sweetie.

- Bye.
- Mwah.

We need to make sure
he doesn't have

any coronavirus right here.

I put a lot of thought
and effort

into making Captain Brandi.

But all you do
with Captain Dick

is you blow him up, that's it.

STDs.

Oh, yeah.
It's crazy.

Okay, guys,
this is our fabulous bus driver.

- Hi.
- Hi.

And I just wanted
to warn you,

this group is a little rowdy.

Okay. I'll make sure
it stays on the DL.

- Let's get this party started.
- Oh, my God.

Okay.
Where are we all sitting?

- Austin!
- Here we go.

- Okay. Who's excited?
- I am so excited.

Okay. Here we go, guys.

Austin.

Let's get this party started.

Who's ready to party
like it's 1999?

You guys, this is gonna be
the best trip ever.

Stephanie and I have planned
so many fun things

up our sleeves.

A lot of surprises are coming.

First off, I would like
to pass out our itineraries.

Of course, they're pink.

And I also just wanna
let you all know

that they are signature
scented, okay?

- What is that perfume?
- Oh, it's Chanel.

And for those of you at home,

go ahead and spray
your Chanel now

and you'll be able
to follow along

on what we're smelling.

Open it up.

Oh, it's so good.

I'm not gonna get you.
Little bit.

Hurry.

I love you,
but I don't like this game.

- Just the tip.
- Just the tip. Just the tip.

Given that the pizza party
was such a disaster,

this is a brand new
and improved Tiffany.

This Tiffany
does not have rules,

wants to say yes
when people ask her if she wants

to do activities that may be
outside of her comfort zone.

I just did the tip.
I just did the tip.

And basically just wants
to have fun

and bond with the other women.

Oh, my God!

- That was him.
- Oh.

This is insane.

I spent many time on a tour bus.

D'Andra! You little ho.

This is what I wanna talk about.

- I got nothing.
- I was a total groupie.

I mean in the '80s and '90s,
anyone that played in a band

was the coolest guy ever.

If they had an instrument
in their hand,

they were, like,
probably gonna get laid.

Yes, D'Andra.

So I went out
with John Entwistle

from The Who
right before he died.

I don't know who that is.

I don't know who that is either.

He was the bass guitarist
for The Who.

Oh, my God.

I was on Chris Cornell's
tour bus.

I got nothing.

The guys from Candlebox.

I've known none of the people
she's named.

The guys from The Cult.

And then the rest of them
I just don't remember

because I was so... ed up.

Okay, sexy time.

What is your favorite
sexual position?

Hmm.

I like doggie style.

Oh.

I just like being pounded
from behind.

I always have.
I just like it.

So she can read her messages
at the same time.

Well.

Okay. So he grabs my leg
or he's up here,

here, and I'm like, whoo!

- You must be very flexible.
- Oh.

Yes.

I'm not that flexible with men.
When I'm in bed

and it feels good...

I become a gymnast.

I like side because...
I call it side to side.

I like reverse cowboy
especially right now

because I don't have
to smell his breath.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my gosh.

Okay. What is the craziest place
you've ever done it?

Wait, you didn't answer
the question.

I've been trying
to change the subject.

I know. I bet you like it
in the shower so you stay clean.

I would say legs up.
I've got some long legs, so.

- That's a lot of leg.
- Oh, yeah. I like that.

When the legs are up,
that's good, yes.

Yes.

Are we here?

This is gonna be amazing.

We are here, guys.

I can't get the bus down here.

This is not gonna make it
going over that grass.

It's not gonna make it.

It's not designed to go
on this type of street.

- Can you not get the bus down?
- No, that's too tight.

- It's too tight?
- Yeah.

Gosh.

Where is the golf cart?

How long is the walk?

Oh, my God.

Let's walk down the driveway,

and then the manager's
gonna get our bags.

- It'll be worth it.
- So where are the butlers?

So let me get this straight.

We are rock stars
and I'm wearing my 12-inch heels

and this bus is not gonna be
able to go down this hill?

Like, are you kidding me?

Can somebody grab a tequila?

Oh, my God.

What kind of... ing
hostess sh... is this?

I no longer wanna be
a rock star.

Coming up...

I hate it
when my friends fight.

It's like
when I was a little girl

and I used to watch
my parents fight.

This is the worst hotel ever.

Oh, my gosh.

We have no butlers.

- I don't even see a house.
- Jesus, help me.

Lord God, I thought I exercise.
Not enough, apparently.

Yeah.

My leather is, like,
wet and stuck to my butt.

Is somebody gonna come
and carry me?

This wasn't part
of the itinerary.

Who's gonna make it
to the house?

Survival of the fittest.

Who's getting eaten
by the wolves?

Oh, my God.
My feet are bleeding.

Okay. We're almost there,
ladies.

Keep it up.

Look at this place.
Oh, my gosh.

- Look, there's a playground.
- This is amazing.

- This is beautiful.
- Wow.

Kameron and I
planned this trip seamlessly.

We are staying
at this beautiful estate

called The Echelon.

And it has a lake in the back,
Lake Austin.

Tons of land.
And it's kind of like Kary...

We have
a little bit of classy,

a little bit of nasty,

all planned
into a wonderful weekend.

- Ladies.
- Hi.

Welcome to The Echelon.
Come on in.

- Thank you so much.
- This is amazing.

I know you had to take a walk
down the hill.

- Oh, it looks so pretty.
- Yeah. Kary, let's go.

- Let's go get a... ing drink.
- I'm sweating.

I'm gonna get naked in front
of y'all, just you know.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh.

Lord God.

- You guys, let's get naked.
- We have arrived.

- Kary, how amazing is this?
- This is so amazing.

Mclean is right outside
with your drinks to rescue you.

- Oh, perfect.
- Hey, did you see the pool

- over there?
- Look at the indoor pool.

- Okay. This is beautiful.
- Insane.

Kary, look at the dock
over there.

We can have a cocktail
out there.

- Oh, my gosh.
- It's so cool.

- Okay. Where is my room?
- Birthday girl needs

- the master bedroom.
- Absolutely. Come with me.

- Yes.
- Okay.

I could jump in the lake
or the pool or something.

- We'll go right upstairs here.
- Show us.

Up here, we've got the master's
right this way.

- Oh, that's precious.
- Look at this.

- Okay. I love it.
- Okay.

Girl, this is
the best birthday room.

- We can do TikToks here.
- Whoo.

Oh, this is nice.
It's like a whole suite.

This is great.

Oh, we even have
our own balcony.

This is so romantic.

This is how me
and Daniel shower.

Like that. And then Daniel
is going like...

I just wanna take
these heels off

because, you know,
I didn't think

I'd be walking a mile.

- Girl, I'm so hot, I'm dying.
- Oh.

- I wanna go to the lake.
- Yeah.

- Come on. Come on.
- I love this grass.

- I want this grass at home.
- I know, right?

Hi. Can you come pick us up?

I wanna do a toast.

First, I wanna say,
obviously, thank you.

I really appreciate
all of you being here.

I'm really enjoying to get
to know you more, Tiffany.

You know, I never wanna come off
like a bully.

You know, I know you said
that about me a little bit.

I'm, like. All about
helping people getting...

- Yes.
- ...let loose.

Yes. There is a difference
between helping someone

and like pushing
them into the pool.

Yeah.

And I'm so sorry if you think
like I've been like that.

Like, if I love you
and I want you to have

a good time with me,
that's me.

That's my personality.

So if you're at all,
like, ever offended by me,

come talk to me.
I will change.

And I'm very sorry
if I ever offended you.

- Oh, my gosh, girl, no, no.
- So... okay.

I just wanna have
so much fun this weekend.

- Ladies, act like we're 21.
- Yes.

- Yes. Yes.
- And have fun and...

- Cheers, bitches.
- Cheers.

- Turn it up.
- Yeah.

- Yes.
- Yes.

This is the Kary I love.

Like, Kary is quick
to own up to her mistakes

whenever she makes them
and remedy things.

That was the sweetest thing
she's ever done.

She truly is
a really good friend.

Oh, happy birthday,
mamacita.

- Oh, excited to be here.
- I love you.

Hey, shall we get ready
for dinner?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Salud.
- Salud.

We will see you soon.

- I'm gonna get ready.
- I'm going to our room.

There's so many great areas
to, like, hang out in.

What we're doing,
this is called turndown service.

- Are you listening?
- Yeah, I'm listening.

- I'm just a little upset.
- Why are you upset?

You know, Kary had this, like,
very flowery speech

for everybody about

"I want us to all
have a good time.

"It's all love and flowers
and unicorns...

- Maybe she actually means it.
- "...coming out of my ass,

"but yet, you know,

I was really mean
to my really good friend."

Props to Kary for giving Tiffany
an apology speech.

But the fact
that she's doing somersaults

to apologize to Tiffany
yet there is a huge wedge

in our friendship
is a little odd to me.

What's over there?

Oh, that's where Tiffany
and D'Andra are staying.

Let's go see if their bags came.

I was gonna say something
but I was like...

- Maybe she actually meant it.
- Yeah.

Like... it's like
you can't just wipe away

- like two weeks...
- Hey.

- No.
- They come? No, not yet. Okay.

Did the bell boy
bring your bags?

- Not yet. Uh-uh.
- Isn't this beautiful?

- It's gorgeous.
- Gorgeous.

We are sleeping together
on a suite.

I don't understand
how you're gonna sleep

in this bed together.

Girl, look.

- You guys are... yeah. But...
- Wait. There's so much space.

- This bed is super comfy.
- Dude, we're gonna go change.

- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay. D'Andra.

All I'm saying is the nice
pretty speech on the dock,

I wasn't buying.

But at the same time,
it's just...

- it's gross.
- Just try, D'Andra.

Like, maybe she's turning
over a new leaf.

Like, give her
the benefit of the doubt.

I said nothing.
I said nothing.

I kept my mouth shut.

Normally I'd be like, "Bully!"

Coming up...

- Hurry up. I'm hungry.
- That's it.

Well, you'll never know
how long it's gonna take.

Oh, I have two sh... s.
Sh..., sh..., sh...!

I said nothing. Nothing.

I kept my mouth shut.
Normally I'd be like, "Bully."

- Do you?
- ...what happened with us.

Maybe it's all just water
under the bridge.

- Nope. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
- No?

...speech just now, like,
sort of came from her heart

and she really just wants us
to have a good time.

That's not okay,
because then we're just

lying to each other.

- That's not friendship.
- Yeah.

No, I'm not saying pretend
like it... it never happened

and you guys didn't say some
really hurtful things

- to each other.
- We did.

I don't put up with sh...
From people.

You know, I was really hoping
that we could work out

our problems,
but that just hurts me

to the core.
I'm shocked.

I'm just trying to be
a more sensitive,

- compassionate, loving person.
- You are.

- And you are.
- But at the same time,

there's boundaries.

And you try to poke and prod,
that's something

that I'm not okay with.

- I'm gonna... ing bite.
- Over what?

Like, nothing even happened yet.

But I just wanted
to tell you what happened.

Like, if you want to paint
a picture that you're upset,

then you're gonna be upset.

It just didn't resonate with me,

that's all I'm saying.

When D'Andra gets upset,
she's like a dog

that chases its own tail.

There's a problem.

Like, you cannot get a word in
when she's doing this.

You know, you wanna have
a good time, but guess what?

I'm still... ing pissed
at her.

That's okay.

Whatever the... ing problem is,
I don't know.

And I just wanna be like, stop.

Oh, let's, just for one second
like, maybe give her

the benefit of the doubt.

D'Andra talks a lot of sh...

And I normally just
don't take it that personal.

- Stephanie?
- Can we come in?

Okay.

Listen,
we have to talk to you.

But hearing D'Andra
call me a bully

and saying all those things
behind my back,

this is really hurtful.

This is just something
that you don't do to a friend.

Put a robe on.
I literally wanna cry.

- D'Andra...
- Wait. Why do you wanna cry?

- What happened?
- I wanna have a good time.

- Yeah.
- I wanted to start the trip

off right.
So I did it...

The speech, you know.

Then me and Kameron are
walking back, D'Andra...

Talking a lot of trash
about Kary.

She was just basically saying
Kary's a bully,

such a bad person.

Like it just went on
and on and on.

And tonight, like, yeah,
like, on the bus,

on the bus, on and on.

Talking sh... about me
the whole time.

Tiffany was trying to get her
out of this cycle.

Tiffany was actually
defending me.

Like, "D'Andra, I don't even
know why you're saying this."

- ...stay out of the cycle.
- Kary was nice.

- Yeah.
- Like, "She apologized.

She was that."
And D'Andra was like,

"I think it was fake.
I thought"... yes.

Maybe she's jealous.
Maybe she's jealous that

you're wanting to start fresh
with Tiffany and...

Yeah. I mean... and I'm like,
literally, like, here,

like, trying to have
a good birthday trip

and everything else
and she said that.

I thought
that was very brave of you...

- Yes.
- ...because you...

You're putting yourself
out there.

...you were putting yourself
out there

and you were... you're apologizing
for who you are, you know.

Yeah.
She misinterpreted you.

- Girl, don't be sad.
- No, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no.
We love you.

- I love you.
- Okay. Group hug.

You're not wrong, she is.

I do know that Kary and D'Andra
love each other,

but they're also two
of the most headstrong people

I've ever met in my life.

I don't know
why she's being like that.

The fact that Kary
is so passionate

about D'Andra being
a better friend

means she's wanting
a closer relationship

and loves her.

Honestly, what I would do
if I was in the same situation,

I would just say I heard
a lot of things tonight.

- Mm-hmm.
- And they're very disappointing.

I thought we were
better friends than that.

- And...
- Yeah.

- That's how I would do it.
- Oh, you all really think

- I should say that?
- Yeah.

I wanna eat.

- Tiffany?
- Yes, dear?

- How can I help you?
- I need my B12 shot.

- It's been over 10 days.
- B12 shot equals Party D'Andra.

Is right here okay?
Oh, my God.

Okay.
That was very unprofessional.

- It's gonna hurt.
- You ready?

- Yep.
- It's gonna be "eh."

- Ow!
- You're fine.

That was a small needle
and a big booty.

Where's your Band Aid?

Look. Look. Bitch.

Bitch.
It's not even bleeding.

Like, you're done.

I'm gonna start getting ready.

This is gonna be
for Western Night.

- Those are so...
- Aren't these so fun?

...freaking cute.

I'm ready to eat some dinner.
Ready.

- It's like a little sparkle.
- Oh, no. I love it.

You like it?

Yeah, you look like Miss Texas.

Remember when we went
to Beaver Creek, to Kam's place,

- I got those boots...
- Yeah, are those the boots

- that you bought.
- Yes. And so...

Okay. Whenever you and D'Andra
went shopping.

I didn't know about the...

Either way,
they were like $2,500.

So I'm gonna get some use
out of them.

Oh, girl.

You better get some use
out of those.

What do you want, Kam? The...

I want a Skinny Sweet
plus plus.

- You want a little grapefruit?
- Oh, man.

Court just said
the kids are asleep.

I was gonna call them
before bed.

- Hola.
- Hola.

- Como estas?
- Oh. Hey.

Hey.

Jeez, girl.
That's a lot of tequila.

Oh, no, that's not...

Part of me just wants
to tell D'Andra to leave.

I just wanna have fun,
I wanna be with my girls

but I am just in shock
and disappointed.

And I don't know
if I'm gonna be able to sit

in a table with her tonight.

I am done being nice with her.

Coming up...

Nitpicking all the... ing time.

Tit for tat.
Let me poke,

poke, poke, poke, okay?

Sit the down
and take a... ing breath.

Kameron.
What is our sitting arrangement?

Birthday girl,
you gotta do this.

Okay.
So I'll sit here.

Kameron and Stephanie next to me
because they're the party hosts.

- Okay.
- Okay.

So I have a very special
surprise for you guys.

We are going to play
a really fun game

called Chicken Sh... Bingo.

It's gonna be awesome.
So we're gonna go over here.

- The lady has a chicken.
- Yes.

There's a board.

Let's go play
this Chicken Sh... Bingo.

- I'm so excited.
- I'm ready.

All you have to do
is just try to have the chicken

- sh... on our number.
- On our number?

- Hi, ladies. How are you?
- Hi.

This is definitely special.

Oh, I need my drink for this.

Who do you think came up
with Chicken Sh... Bingo?

Stephanie.
She's so gross.

So gross.

So do any of y'all know anything

about Chicken Sh... Bingo
at all?

- No.
- No.

So I'm gonna hand each
a set of tickets.

If the chicken poops
on the board

correlated to the ticket
you have in your possession,

then you're gonna be
a chicken sh... winner.

This whole
Chicken Sh... Bingo thing

is the reason why
people make fun of Texans

and call us hillbillies.

Y'all ready for me
to put the chicken on?

- Yes.
- Yes. We are ready.

All right.
So I'm gonna put Patsy Cline on.

Look at my numbers, Patsy Cline.

I got 1, 10, 20, 4,
24, 35.

All right, Patsy.
Look at the...

- Okay, girl.
- No conspiring.

You better get my number.

Winner winner, chicken dinner.

- Patsy.
- Come on, Patsy.

Well, you never know
how long it's gonna take.

- Oh, my goodness.
- Patsy Cline.

- Patsy.
- Hurry up, I'm hungry.

She's on 41.
Who has 41?

I have a 40, but not 41.

I've never wanted a chicken
to poop so much in my life.

Oh, I have two sh... s.
Sh..., sh..., sh...!

Oh, my gosh.
You got a lot of worms, Patsy.

She's probably nervous.
She probably needs some tequila.

Yes. Drink some tequila.

It seems unsanitary to

play with chickens

and their poop.

This is the weirdest game
I've ever played.

Oh, wait, wait.

- Number one.
- One.

Oh, my God.

I win a lot of sh...

That was a new experience
for me.

- Hi, ladies.
- It's over.

We're about to start
dinner service

and you can just bring
your plate to the buffet

just to keep it a little more
COVID-friendly.

- Yay.
- Awesome. Thank you.

- Thanks, Elizabeth.
- Can't wait.

Can I do a toast right now?

- Yes, mama.
- To everybody.

I feel like I just have
to do this toast

because it's really
important to me

because honestly I only want

to be surrounded by love.

True friends, by people
that wanna be here, you know?

And if you don't like me
and if you don't wanna be here,

if you're upset with me,
don't be here.

D'Andra, if you're upset with me
and you don't wanna be here

and you wanna talk
behind my back,

you know, don't come.

I was invited here, Kary.

So if you don't want me here,
I'm happy to go home.

I've always been
a thousand percent

honest with you,

and you,
and you, and you, and you.

Like, always, you know?

I don't talk
behind people's back.

You sometimes are very

bullying to me.

Very what?

Bullying to me.

- Bullying?
- Bullying.

- I bully you?
- Yeah. Yes.

- What?
- Bullying.

I have a really big problem
with that word.

Like, I don't think
you should throw it around.

I do, too. I have a really
big problem with that word, too.

I don't think it's fair at all
that you throw that word around.

Okay. Let me ask everybody
on this table.

Have you guys ever seen me
bully D'Andra?

You know, I think you guys
yell at each other.

I don't think you bully her.

Yeah, I don't know
if you know the definition.

D'Andra,
I've never ever bullied you.

Ever. Okay?

I choose my words
very carefully.

And I definitely know
the definition of bullying.

And even though
you chicken sh... s

are afraid to say it,
I will.

It started with the trunk shows
and how I packed the car.

- Then it was the COVID scare.
- Oh, wait.

- I don't have coronavirus.
- Oh, wait, are you here?

Every other week, she's like,
"I'm so sick, I'm dying."

And then the next day
she looks beautiful and...

Then Grapevine.

There's only a little bit
of ice here.

That tequila's... ing warm.

"She's a... ing doctor,
she's..."

She's... you're giving her
a hard time.

I mean, I'm not giving you
a... ing hard time,

you bitch.

And even without
those instances,

this right here is bullying.

I'm calling you now a bully.
Not... ing last week, bitch.

I'm calling you now a bully,
okay?

Why are you calling me a bully?

Because you're so
...ing nitpicking

all the... ing time.

Tit for tat.
Let me poke,

poke, poke, poke, okay?

Sit the down
and take a... ing breath

for God's sake.

So who's being a bully
right now?

- Not me because you started it.
- You know what?

Me and Kameron
sat outside your room

when you were talking
to Tiffany and said

all this sh... about me.

Friendships should be
communicating and growing

and figuring it out
and, D'Andra,

- you know, with you...
- You're so full of sh...

Right now I can't listen to it
because you sat there

and gave a big flowery speech

but you have not made
an effort to talk to me?

Of course I'm feeling like,
"You know what?

This is a bunch of bullsh..."

Me and Kameron heard

what you were saying about me
and you know what?

It really hurt me.
Stephanie, you don't think...

- You know what she said to me?
- She was... she was crying, yeah.

- Do you think I wasn't hurt?
- Yeah, she was crying, D'Andra.

Well, the horrible things
that you've said about me,

- I'm sorry...
- You said to me,

"Kary, you have nothing
to worry about

because you kids are grown."

You have three kids
that are grown.

Once child that's 12
that is home under your care.

The rest of them
do whatever they wanna do.

You know what? You clearly
have no... ing clue.

- I do have a clue.
- No, you don't.

You know how that felt?
You have no idea

what I'm going through
with my kids.

How the am I supposed
to know you're having problems

if you don't tell me
you're having problems?

I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I say, "You know, Kary,
I've had a sh... y day.

My business isn't doing great,
my husband and I had a fight.

You know,
how's it going in your world?"

"Oh, everything's fine."

Well, if everything's
...ing fine...

But do you ask her questions
about her family?

- Yes. Yes, I do.
- No, she doesn't.

- Yes, I do.
- That's a... ing lie.

- So that's a lie.
- That's a lie.

- That's a lie. That's a lie.
- That's a lie. That's a lie.

That's a lie.

D'Andra is like
on D'Andra's world

and she thinks maybe one time
that we're on the phone,

and it's like,
"Hey, how are you doing?"

"Okay. So how... how's your
family? How are your kids?"

"Okay. Good.
Moving on."

D'Andra's missing
the connection

between being genuine friend
and checking the box.

If you don't wanna be here
for my birthday

because of what me
and Kameron heard

you saying behind my back,
why are you here?

Well, maybe I should go home.
Maybe I shouldn't be here.

Maybe you should.

Yeah, that's fine.

All I'm saying is if you don't
wanna be here, D'Andra,

don't be here because I...
Everybody wants to be here.

I came here because
I wanna be here, I'm here...

If you want me to go home,
I'm happy to go home.

If you're gonna be a mean girl
and you just wanna talk...

So do you want me to go home?

I don't want you to be here
if you wanna be a mean girl.

Okay. Then I can go.
I'm happy to go.

No, no, no, no.

I don't need to be here.
I don't need to be here.

D'Andra, you guys have been
friends for a long time.

- I agreed to be here.
- No, but sit down, because

whenever we talked
at your house...

Y'all have a good... ing
night.

D'Andra,
you said you wanted to...

And you go yourself.

Hey. D'Andra. D.

- D'Andra.
- Really?

We're not gonna do this.

- D'Andra.
- And you go yourself.

Hey. D'Andra. D.

- D'Andra.
- Really?

We're not gonna do this.

Let's go get our little food.

You're not gonna go home.
This is stupid. Hey, D'Andra.

I don't need your sh...
I don't need to do this.

D'Andra.
It just is an easy conversation.

Just tell her.
You know what?

I've had the easy conversation.

I'm done with the easy
...ing conversation.

I'm done with this sh...
I'm trying to figure out

- how I can get home right now.
- D'Andra,

you don't wanna go home.
Like, you guys have been friends

- for a long time.
- Please eat dinner.

This is like... you guys...

No, I'm not going back out there
being treated like that.

- There's... ing no way.
- D'Andra, you're being...

Not... I don't need to go
back out there.

You guys sat there and like,
"Oh, that's not bullying."

You guys are... ing
full of sh..., too.

- I do not think she's a bully.
- No, D'Andra.

Nor do I think you are.
I think you're both combative.

I'm not gonna call
anybody a bully

- that I don't think is a bully.
- Y'all are fighting.

I'm going home.
I don't need to do this sh...

- Don't do it like this.
- I'm out of here.

You're not gonna leave.
First of all,

it's gonna take you five years
to pack your suitcases.

- No, I won't. It's fine.
- It's not worth it.

First of all,
please don't leave me alone.

- Like, slumber parties...
- You'll be fine.

Y'all are the bestie...
Best friends.

What?

I really don't care,
to be honest.

D'Andra, she loves you.
I just...

Well, then she shouldn't be
talking to me like that.

And her and Kameron
were like two... ing

bulldogs at a chicken fight.
You know, I'm like,

done with this sh..., okay?

She doesn't come to apologize
to me for last week

and now she's on my ass
about this week?

Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

I came on this trip so she needs
to extend the olive branch now.

Otherwise, I'm going home.
That's the way I feel.

Not happening.

Kary is a great friend of mine,

and I will say she doesn't know
how to come in in a soft manner.

She comes in like guns blazing,
telling you how she thinks.

But as aggressive
as she is with D'Andra,

I know it's because
she loves her

and she wants to build
a relationship with her.

Kary, will you just go
talk to her, please?

Like, we're just spinning
in circles.

Listen, Tiffany.

I'm not gonna be like
the fake person

that she is
because I'm not fake.

Well, she wasn't being fake.

She was just, like, saving it.

Oh, well, it's... guess what?

It's... we're not
on D'Andra's time.

I'm gonna tell you
one thing right now.

Kary keeps saying,
"I'm not a bully,

I'm not a bully."

But I'm looking at her
and I'm thinking,

"You kinda look
like one right now."

Can you listen to me
for a minute?

I'm gonna come home.

Because Kary,
like... ing lit into me

within the first dinner

and I'm, like, not gonna put up
with this sh... at all.

- Here, I'm coming in here.
- I'm listening.

Everything was fine.
We all went out to, like,

the grass and had like a drink

and she's like, you know,
"I want you all to be here,

"rainbows and sunshine
and... ing unicorns

coming out of my ass
and I love everybody."

And I'm like,
"This is not how you feel

because you and I
have not talked in a week."

So, I came back into my room
with Tiffany and I'm like,

"You know, that's bullsh..."

Kameron and Kary were apparently
sitting outside my bedroom

listening to the conversation
I had with Tiffany.

You know...

Right.
They were spying.

You know,
I'm kinda like done, honestly.

I'm done.

I just hate to see you guys,
like... she's really hurting.

No, but you know what?

I'm hurting more
and I already cried.

- This is not a hurt-off.
- It's not a competition.

You guys are both hurting.
You guys are both hurting.

It's not a... she's really hurting
and she has a lot of sh...

- Right now.
- Well, why are you crying?

Because I hate it
when my friends fight.

It's like
when I was a little girl

and I used to watch
my parents fight.

This fight is not even
involving you right now.

- Are you kidding me?
- I mean...

I'm sort of like upset
at you two,

but I'm sort of also crying
for myself

because I'm like,
this is not fun.

Girl, you've never hung out
with girls like us, then.

I came to have a good time.
Please go talk to her.

- Okay, you have no...
- But she needs to take...

You don't... ing know me.

You can cry all... ing day,
I will not... ing

take a step with her
because she owes it to me.

- She needs to take one step.
- Okay?

She's been a bad friend
and I will never take a step

for her right now
over my dead... ing body.

Just watch me.

You've never seen

the most stubborn... ing bitch
in your life.

So don't... ing come crying
to me about anything

and ask me to beg
to talk to D'Andra

because I will... ing
never do it.

I'm gonna go get another drink.

I have friends
that treat me with respect.

- I don't need this sh...
- Right.

Later this season on
"The Real Housewives of Dallas"

- We're finally on the way.
- Cheers.

Yeah.

Slow and steady
always wins the race, ladies.

I did not know that giraffes
could hula hoop.

Vacation,
D'Andra will come out whenever

Kary and D'Andra have a talk.

- That's what I think.
- I don't know.

I literally just sh... myself.

You think
I'm an opportunistic person

that does things
for personal gain?

You're darn right I do.

Brandi, you're acting like

a cafeteria Christian.
You can pick the blue Jell-O...

That's bullsh..., D'Andra.

We're doing a shot.

Oh, my gosh.

- Brandi's dead.
- Who killed you?

I don't know.
I'm dead.