The Rat Patrol (1966–1968): Season 1, Episode 31 - The Fire and Brimstone Raid - full transcript
Set it for four minutes.
And if we don't
get out in that time?
If we don't get out in that
time, it won't matter, will it?
Ready, Sarge.
All right. Cover us.
Tully, Hitch, cover
the back door.
[ Ticking ]
[ Ticking Continues ]
[ Gun Cocking ] [
Speaking German ]
[ German ]
You men over there, put down
your arms and surrender immediately.
He's bluffing.
They won't dare fire as long as we're
standing in front of this ammo dump.
How very convenient for us,
except that in a very few moments,
this ammo dump will be a thousand feet
in the air, along with us and the Germans.
[ Ticking Continues ]
Back inside!
Very well, gentlemen.
We will wait until daylight,
then we shall ferret you out.
Pile some ammo boxes
around the door. Moffitt!
How many? Two. One left.
Same here.
Hitch!
As long as we're in this ammo
room, they won't take a shot at us...
unless they're stupid enough to take a
chance on blowing up their own dump.
Maybe they're stupid.
Then they'll send the medal to
your mother in Tennessee. Kentucky.
Sarge, I'm about to ask
you a stupid question.
No, you don't. The window!
You tell me. Does he have a
stupid look on his face or not?
[ Sighs ]
Good morning,
Captain. Good morning.
I hope you don't find your
temporary quarters too confining.
"Quarters" is a
euphemism, Captain,
considering that I am kept
a prisoner in my own winery.
But you're not a
prisoner at all, Sheik.
You can come and
go as you please...
Under proper
supervision, of course.
Then why did your men prevent
me from leaving 15 minutes ago?
It was quite necessary.
A band of saboteurs infiltrated the
ammunition storage area last night.
Dislodging them should
then prove a delicate task.
Actually, it would
be quite simple...
if...
you were willing to lend me
some of your ceremonial weapons.
I have no intention of
helping you, Captain.
You fought the
Americans yourself.
And the Germans after them,
and the Italians before them,
and the French before them.
What none of you can
get into your heads...
is that this land, this
winery, is my place.
It is not a way station
for transient mercenaries.
Possession, my dear sheik,
unfortunately, is
nine-tenths of the law.
By your law,
Captain, or by mine?
My possession goes
back to the ninth century.
Unless you help me, you will
have nothing left to possess,
because the Americans
certainly will destroy it...
Everything.
After the French, the Italians,
the Americans, the Germans,
there isn't much left to
worry about, is there?
You will consider
my request an order.
Which is to say I will be
shot for noncooperation.
Which is to guarantee it.
Aram.
I wanted to make
it perfectly clear...
that I was not helping
you willingly, Captain.
You had no difficulties
in convincing me of that.
You will have to string
them yourself, Captain.
Also, I hope you appreciate
the honor of which you partake.
These are the ceremonial
weapons of my family.
What about the other entrance?
Covered by two machine guns.
The door at the top of the stairs?
Locked.
- Are they moving any closer?
- They tried,
but we discouraged them.
As long as we can shoot and
they can't, they won't rush us.
There's got to be
a way out of here.
The transportation will be supplied by
the Germans. There's a truck outside.
[ Groaning ]
Dress his wound.
I'll take care of our...
medieval friends.
How is it?
Okay, Sarge. Think you can move?
All right. Be ready.
Moffitt, let's go.
Shake 'em on down
with smoke grenades.
Do you think you can
make it to the truck?
It's the only way we can
get out of here with Hitch.
I'll make it.
I need to ride back.
Tully!
Now!
[ German ]
Moffitt!
May I register an objection to having
my private quarters used as a jail cell?
But they are not your quarters.
Contrary to popular opinion, the
Germans are not warriors at all...
Merely frustrated landlords.
For the moment, this is the
most practical place to keep him.
Your comrades will be joining
you very shortly, Sergeant.
I doubt it. Unfounded optimism.
You see, I cannot wait them.
I prefer to hasten the
job since one of my
columns is due here
in two hours to resupply.
I intend to execute an interesting
variation of the airborne assault.
[ German ]
I surmise the captain
intends to come from the roof.
Yes.
Will his plan work?
Yes, if his men
can reach the floor.
We won't be able to fire at them
without destroying ourselves.
And in our culture, suicide
is not considered honorable.
Nor in mine
either, I assure you,
except in certain circumstances.
It seems to me our aims
should be quite similar.
With one important difference.
For you, this place is a target;
for me, my life.
You can hardly expect
me to help you destroy it.
And what price are you
paying to preserve it?
Please, Sergeant, no propaganda.
I've heard all the
speeches from both sides.
They are remarkably similar.
The verbs and adjectives
remain the same.
Only the proper nouns change.
No, Sergeant. If I help you,
it will be for only one reason.
I am growing tired
of German coffee,
which is execrable.
And I am also growing tired of having
my home batted around like a shuttlecock...
between two opposing
badminton teams!
Since you were caught
trying to take their truck,
I assume your problem
is one of transportation.
But if you're thinking of horses,
I'm afraid that wouldn't work.
My dear man, the Germans
ate all my horses months ago.
No, I was thinking of a more
modern means of transportation.
Right. Let's go.
Oh, don't imagine that I am
going to ride on that ridiculous thing.
I thought that was
the general idea.
Sergeant, the general
idea is to get you out of here.
And don't mistake me. I dislike you
every bit as much as the Germans.
I want you both out of
my winery, off my lands.
Is that clear? Yes.
Oh, before you go, give me
one of those grenades, Sergeant,
just in case.
Mach schnell. Auf, auf, auf!
[ German ]
[ Groans ]
Sarge! The stairs!
[ Vehicle Engine Starting ]
Hitch, can you walk?
All right. Get up.
Tully. Break open
a box of grenades.
I think that's Moffitt
in the half-track. Right.
I hope it works.
So do I.
Tully!
[ German ]
Hold it! Hold it!
Did you hear the sound
of that last explosion?
Yes. Sounded like
an American grenade.
Well, there was only one
American grenade there.
Go back?
Go back.
So much for the Americans.
And now we get
rid of the Germans.
You will understand
that as head of a family
whose tradition dates
back a thousand years,
I cannot allow my property
to be desecrated by strangers.
One must set a limit
to such indignities.
There are, you see,
certain ceremonial
circumstances.
I don't think you'll fire,
Captain. The ammunition.
I hope you are aware that you
are going to blow yourself up with it.
That's my choice, Captain.
You will have just
seconds to make yours.
We can probably
thank the sheik for that.
Yeah. Well, let's
get out of here.
How's your shoulder?
Not that bad, Tully.
The medic's never gonna
believe this is an arrow wound.
Tell him you were playing
cowboys and Indians.
And what do you know
about cowboys and Indians?
The English discovered
the Indians. Remember?
Ah, let's go. Come on.
[ Roars ]
And if we don't
get out in that time?
If we don't get out in that
time, it won't matter, will it?
Ready, Sarge.
All right. Cover us.
Tully, Hitch, cover
the back door.
[ Ticking ]
[ Ticking Continues ]
[ Gun Cocking ] [
Speaking German ]
[ German ]
You men over there, put down
your arms and surrender immediately.
He's bluffing.
They won't dare fire as long as we're
standing in front of this ammo dump.
How very convenient for us,
except that in a very few moments,
this ammo dump will be a thousand feet
in the air, along with us and the Germans.
[ Ticking Continues ]
Back inside!
Very well, gentlemen.
We will wait until daylight,
then we shall ferret you out.
Pile some ammo boxes
around the door. Moffitt!
How many? Two. One left.
Same here.
Hitch!
As long as we're in this ammo
room, they won't take a shot at us...
unless they're stupid enough to take a
chance on blowing up their own dump.
Maybe they're stupid.
Then they'll send the medal to
your mother in Tennessee. Kentucky.
Sarge, I'm about to ask
you a stupid question.
No, you don't. The window!
You tell me. Does he have a
stupid look on his face or not?
[ Sighs ]
Good morning,
Captain. Good morning.
I hope you don't find your
temporary quarters too confining.
"Quarters" is a
euphemism, Captain,
considering that I am kept
a prisoner in my own winery.
But you're not a
prisoner at all, Sheik.
You can come and
go as you please...
Under proper
supervision, of course.
Then why did your men prevent
me from leaving 15 minutes ago?
It was quite necessary.
A band of saboteurs infiltrated the
ammunition storage area last night.
Dislodging them should
then prove a delicate task.
Actually, it would
be quite simple...
if...
you were willing to lend me
some of your ceremonial weapons.
I have no intention of
helping you, Captain.
You fought the
Americans yourself.
And the Germans after them,
and the Italians before them,
and the French before them.
What none of you can
get into your heads...
is that this land, this
winery, is my place.
It is not a way station
for transient mercenaries.
Possession, my dear sheik,
unfortunately, is
nine-tenths of the law.
By your law,
Captain, or by mine?
My possession goes
back to the ninth century.
Unless you help me, you will
have nothing left to possess,
because the Americans
certainly will destroy it...
Everything.
After the French, the Italians,
the Americans, the Germans,
there isn't much left to
worry about, is there?
You will consider
my request an order.
Which is to say I will be
shot for noncooperation.
Which is to guarantee it.
Aram.
I wanted to make
it perfectly clear...
that I was not helping
you willingly, Captain.
You had no difficulties
in convincing me of that.
You will have to string
them yourself, Captain.
Also, I hope you appreciate
the honor of which you partake.
These are the ceremonial
weapons of my family.
What about the other entrance?
Covered by two machine guns.
The door at the top of the stairs?
Locked.
- Are they moving any closer?
- They tried,
but we discouraged them.
As long as we can shoot and
they can't, they won't rush us.
There's got to be
a way out of here.
The transportation will be supplied by
the Germans. There's a truck outside.
[ Groaning ]
Dress his wound.
I'll take care of our...
medieval friends.
How is it?
Okay, Sarge. Think you can move?
All right. Be ready.
Moffitt, let's go.
Shake 'em on down
with smoke grenades.
Do you think you can
make it to the truck?
It's the only way we can
get out of here with Hitch.
I'll make it.
I need to ride back.
Tully!
Now!
[ German ]
Moffitt!
May I register an objection to having
my private quarters used as a jail cell?
But they are not your quarters.
Contrary to popular opinion, the
Germans are not warriors at all...
Merely frustrated landlords.
For the moment, this is the
most practical place to keep him.
Your comrades will be joining
you very shortly, Sergeant.
I doubt it. Unfounded optimism.
You see, I cannot wait them.
I prefer to hasten the
job since one of my
columns is due here
in two hours to resupply.
I intend to execute an interesting
variation of the airborne assault.
[ German ]
I surmise the captain
intends to come from the roof.
Yes.
Will his plan work?
Yes, if his men
can reach the floor.
We won't be able to fire at them
without destroying ourselves.
And in our culture, suicide
is not considered honorable.
Nor in mine
either, I assure you,
except in certain circumstances.
It seems to me our aims
should be quite similar.
With one important difference.
For you, this place is a target;
for me, my life.
You can hardly expect
me to help you destroy it.
And what price are you
paying to preserve it?
Please, Sergeant, no propaganda.
I've heard all the
speeches from both sides.
They are remarkably similar.
The verbs and adjectives
remain the same.
Only the proper nouns change.
No, Sergeant. If I help you,
it will be for only one reason.
I am growing tired
of German coffee,
which is execrable.
And I am also growing tired of having
my home batted around like a shuttlecock...
between two opposing
badminton teams!
Since you were caught
trying to take their truck,
I assume your problem
is one of transportation.
But if you're thinking of horses,
I'm afraid that wouldn't work.
My dear man, the Germans
ate all my horses months ago.
No, I was thinking of a more
modern means of transportation.
Right. Let's go.
Oh, don't imagine that I am
going to ride on that ridiculous thing.
I thought that was
the general idea.
Sergeant, the general
idea is to get you out of here.
And don't mistake me. I dislike you
every bit as much as the Germans.
I want you both out of
my winery, off my lands.
Is that clear? Yes.
Oh, before you go, give me
one of those grenades, Sergeant,
just in case.
Mach schnell. Auf, auf, auf!
[ German ]
[ Groans ]
Sarge! The stairs!
[ Vehicle Engine Starting ]
Hitch, can you walk?
All right. Get up.
Tully. Break open
a box of grenades.
I think that's Moffitt
in the half-track. Right.
I hope it works.
So do I.
Tully!
[ German ]
Hold it! Hold it!
Did you hear the sound
of that last explosion?
Yes. Sounded like
an American grenade.
Well, there was only one
American grenade there.
Go back?
Go back.
So much for the Americans.
And now we get
rid of the Germans.
You will understand
that as head of a family
whose tradition dates
back a thousand years,
I cannot allow my property
to be desecrated by strangers.
One must set a limit
to such indignities.
There are, you see,
certain ceremonial
circumstances.
I don't think you'll fire,
Captain. The ammunition.
I hope you are aware that you
are going to blow yourself up with it.
That's my choice, Captain.
You will have just
seconds to make yours.
We can probably
thank the sheik for that.
Yeah. Well, let's
get out of here.
How's your shoulder?
Not that bad, Tully.
The medic's never gonna
believe this is an arrow wound.
Tell him you were playing
cowboys and Indians.
And what do you know
about cowboys and Indians?
The English discovered
the Indians. Remember?
Ah, let's go. Come on.
[ Roars ]