The Ranch (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Til It's Gone - full transcript

All right, I got "H-O-R." You
got "H-O." It's your shot.

All right, for this one you
gotta start seated on the tailgate...

- [chuckles softly]
- shoot lefty, hip-hop style,

and punch yourself in
the balls if you miss.

[Rooster grunts]

- [Rooster] Whoo-hoo!
- [laughs]

You're welcome, little buddies.

All right, all
right. Easy, Annie Oakley.

- [laughs]
- I ain't worried.

You ain't never beaten me at
nothing your entire life.

[Rooster] Yeah, yeah.



Yeah, you always choke under pressure.

[scoffs] Yeah, right, that ain't true.

Oh, yeah?

Come on, summer camp? Minigolf?

All you had to do was get it
through the clown's mouth in four shots.

It took you so long

that little girl's birthday
party asked if they could play through.

Yeah, well, right now that little girl's

a hot college student someplace.

She owes me one.

Okay. State fair. Hot
dog eating contest.

Dad had to give you the Heimlich.

You literally choked under pressure.

Shoot the damn gun.



[scoffs]

I'm gonna do what I've been doing

since I was 12 years old.

Hit the bottle.

[Rooster] Oh!

Oh, my God!

If Dad ain't dead, he's gonna be pissed.

[Beau] What the hell?

Shit, he ain't dead.

Yeah, you're not kidding.

Oh, and by the way, you missed.

[groans]

[theme song playing]

- Dad, we are so sorry.
- Yeah, we are so sorry.

Before you say anything,
I just wanna let you know,

it was Colt's fault.

I don't care whose fault it was...

Colt's.

What the hell is wrong with you two?

The next time you start messing
around with the guns, do me a favor...

point 'em at each other.

Okay, like I... like I
said, we're real sorry.

I mean, we've just been working so hard,

we were trying to blow off some steam.

- And I... I went to...
- I'll fix the window right away, okay?

- [Colt sighs]
- Who's gonna fix the TV?

TV?

Oh, my God, you killed my best friend!

We'll save up and buy a new one.

We're not gettin' a new
one. We don't need it.

Okay, Dad, you're kiddin', right?

Food, water, shelter, TV. These
are necessities of life.

We gotta stop spendin'
money on things we don't need.

You know what I saw in
the fridge this morning?

Oh, well, I put my cell phone in there

so the FBI can't track me.

I learned that from you, Daddy.

What in the fuck is almond milk?

It's milk.

Show me the tit on an almond.

Look, it's better for
you than regular milk.

It's got less calories and
it's loaded with vitamin E.

It's like coconut water.

Now, you're just makin' shit up.

We have got to stop spending
money on crap like this

when we're trying to
keep this ranch afloat.

Okay. Isn't it always a little bit tight

right before we take
the calves to market?

This year's different.

That's the nature of the beast.

Our bills have doubled.

We got an extra
person living in the house.

That means extra food,
extra utilities...

extra nut juice.

Colt, you heard the man. Get out.

But wait... [stutters]

What about the 15 years when
I didn't use any utilities

'cause I deserted the family?

You're welcome.

On top of that, we got a surprise

assessment from the power co-op

and a love letter from the
state raising our property taxes.

You know what they use
those taxes for? Space ships.

To go diggin' around on Mars.

Hey, NASA, you want red dirt?

Land in my backyard and have at it.

- Well, Dad, maybe we can sell...
- Stop.

I've been giving this a lot of thought

and I don't see any other way around it.

We're gonna have to ask
for a loan to ride this out.

[door closes]

We gotta get a loan?

Man, this is more
serious than I thought.

Dad hates banks.

He always said the only bank

he ever needed was under his mattress.

Pretty stupid thing to tell me,

because the only bank I ever
needed was under his mattress.

Oh, uh, you must be Mr. Bennett.

Uh, I'm Bill Jensen. How are you?

Not great, Mr. Jensen, otherwise
I wouldn't be here.

Well, 'course, uh, times are
very tough for a lot of ranchers.

I can certainly
understand... Oh, oh, excuse me...

excuse me, uh, what's your name?

Oh, hey, I'm the Rooster.

Okay, uh, nice to meet
you, Mr... Rooster.

[stutters] Uh, could you, uh,

please not touch anything on my desk?

Oh, yeah, sure, sorry about that.

- [sighs] That's your wife?
- Uh, that's my daughter.

Ooh. [chuckles] Hello.

She is very beautiful.

Uh, well, here are
some fun facts about her.

She is the class
valedictorian, uh, captain of the soccer team,

she is 17 and her dad
owns five firearms.

So, uh, here is the
standard loan application.

It's, uh, it's fairly simple.

I'm not giving you my
Social Security number.

Okay, so maybe it won't be that simple.

So...

Colt Bennett. [chuckles]

Guilty as charged.

You want me to sign something for you?

A football or a photo?

Uh, never signed a man's chest before,

but if it helps get the loan approved,

well, I'll give it a go.

No, uh, actually we've,
uh, we've met before.

Uh, I was a referee in your division

when you were playing for Garrison.

I haven't always been a, uh,

an award-winning equity loan originator

and customer satisfaction associate.

[chuckles]

You do any of my big games?

Uh, actually, I was behind the whistle

for, uh, the championship
game your Junior year.

- Really?
- Mmm.

- The line judge?
- That's right. That's right.

Uh, growin' up, I knew I
wanted to be either a referee

or a mid-level bank employee.

It's called living two dreams.

You're the reason we lost that game.

- How's that?
- I scored that touchdown at the end.

[sighs] I was afraid of this.

Okay, for the record, you
were down at the one.

But maybe you didn't hear the
whistle 'cause you were too busy

encouraging the opposing
team's fans to, quote,

"Suck it. Suck it all the
way back to Grand Junction."

Everyone in that stadium...

saw me cross that goal
line except for one person.

- [inhales sharply]
- And everyone in this room

is acting real
appropriately except for one person.

Says the guy who wants to
sleep with my underage daughter.

Well, you know what,
it's... You made a bad call.

- Colt.
- [Colt] No, Dad.

No. I mean, come on. [stutters]
People make mistakes.

I mean, except your mistake cost
me the state championship.

Also cost me a hot cheerleader three-way

I was promised if I won the game.

You won the title the next year.

[chuckles] Them girls had graduated.

Dream killer.

Okay, look, you know what?

I did not make a mistake.

I very clearly saw your
knee touch the ground

before the ball broke the
plane of the goal line.

So, you can, "Suck it! Suck
it all the way back to...

3712, uh, County Road 145."

- You know what you can suck?
- [Beau] Colt, shut up.

Okay, I have to put up with my daughter

calling my ex-wife's new husband "Dad,"

but I do not have to put up with this!

[clears throat] Okay.

Deep breath, Bill.

Three, two, one, one, two,
three. What the heck is bothering me?

[clears throat]

I'm sorry about that. [clears throat]

Do you have any questions, Mr. Bennett?

Yeah. Where do I sign?

Uh, right on that last line.

Or you could sign across the
line. He won't know either way.

Okay, that's it! [exhales deeply]

Four, five, six, seven, eight,
nine, later I'll have a bottle of wine.

[country music playing on radio]

- [music stops]
- You were down at the one.

[country music playing on radio]

- [watch beeps]
- [inhales deeply] Oh.

[clears throat]

[inhales deeply]

[clears throat]

Oh, oh, hello, Colt.

Am I interrupting?

Oh, no, not at all. Uh, just,
uh, fighting the... the banker's bulge.

Hazards of a sedentary lifestyle.

You know, when you
study the actuary tables,

the numbers show that this
is as dangerous a profession

as being a firefighter.

Really? Well, that...
that can't be true.

When you've brought casseroles

to as many grieving bankers' widows

as I have, then we'll talk.

Okay. Um, I just...
I wanted to apologize.

I think I came on a
little bit too strong.

Colt... [scoffs] I get it.

You know... [stammers] we're a couple

of testosterone-fueled men.

Two big bucks, knocking antlers.

Getting that velvet off.

Okay, uh... [stutters]
I was just... I'm...

I just hope this
doesn't affect the loan.

Oh, no! Uh, not at all.

Uh, I would never do that.

You have nothing to worry about.

Uh, the loan is being
turned down purely on merit.

Turned down? Why?

Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm
paid to assess risk.

And between the debt-equity ratio

and those new banking regulations...

Thanks, Obama. [sighs]

It's just a risk we
can't absorb right now.

Whoa, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, no.

[stutters] My dad's not a risk.

He's a... he's a great rancher.

I'm not saying he isn't.

Look... [sighs] approving a loan

is a completely objective process.

It's like reffing a football game.

I didn't want to call
you down at the one.

That was a bad night for me, too.

You know, somebody
peed in my convertible?

I did not know that.

Oh, yeah, yeah. People hated me.

Bags of crap on my doorstep,

uh, dirty looks when
I went to the store.

Why do you think I have to keep myself

in the peak of physical condition?

I have to live here.

Between denying loans

and my years as a ref, I
don't have many friends left.

I'll be your friend.

Colt, I can't give you the loan.

Fuck you, Bill!

Friendship over!

[wheel clacking through speakers]

- [man on TV] Can I get a "T"?
- What are you doing?

I'm listening to the Wheel of Fortune.

How's that going?

Category is Phrase.

There's two T's on the
board but I can't tell where.

Loan got denied.

What? You serious?

Yeah.

The guy said... [clears
throat] the ranch was too much risk.

[turns TV off]

- Son of a bitch.
- Yeah, right?

[sighs] Oh, man,
what're we gonna do now?

I don't know.

Get some odd jobs, sell off some shit.

How much you think we can get for
a 50-inch flat-screen... radio?

Yo, how bad of shape
do you think we're in?

[sighs] You know how at the airport

they got those colors to tell you

- how scared you're supposed to be?
- Yeah.

Well, I got a similar system to
rank the state of the ranch.

I use quarterbacks.

When the ranch is in perfect
condition, it's "John Elway."

Obviously.

What state are we in now?

"Tim Tebow."

It's real bad, but at least we
know we got God rooting for us.

Which one of you two numb nuts

left the pitchfork laying
in the driveway?

Well, looks like you're in a good mood.

Colt's got something to tell ya.

Plus, he's the one who left
the pitchfork in the driveway.

I went back to the bank.

We didn't get the loan.

Okay.

Do you want to talk about this?

We just did.

I'm gonna go check the generator.

[door closes]

He didn't even yell.

Yeah, this is real bad.

I don't think we're
in "Tim Tebow" anymore.

What's worse than "Tim Tebow"?

"Colt Bennett."

[chuckling]

What are you doing?

Adding a little A1 sauce.

Are you saying the
steak needs improvement?

[whispers] Do not answer. It's a trap.

No, I'm just changing
the flavor profile.

Oh, that's a bad answer.

If you bought a Ferrari...

would you get an automatic?

Uh, I'm pretty sure that's the only way

they make 'em these days, Dad.

I hate you.

[chuckles]

You see?

You mess up Dad's steak

and he turns the
power off with his mind.

Oh, probably just blew a fuse.

[Beau] Nope.

I turned it off.

Changes are a-comin', boys.

I called the power company and
had 'em cut off the electricity.

Are we really in that bad a shape?

You had to turn the power off?

[Rooster] Yeah, Dad, you
didn't have to do that.

We need money that
bad, I can sell my bike.

Although I still think option number one

should be getting rid of Colt.

I'm doing this while
I still have a choice.

We got plenty of propane

to run the
generator for the essentials...

until we get the calves to market.

Gonna save us a couple of
hundred dollars a month.

It's a pretty big decision to make.

Why didn't you ask our opinion?

Well, short answer is I don't
care about your opinions.

And the long answer is

I don't give a shit about your opinions.

You know, we've been
working our asses off.

This isn't just your
ranch. This is our ranch.

Yeah. I mean, when you
die, I want to run this place.

You know, it's when you
say stupid shit like that,

he's not gonna respect our opinions.

You really think this is your ranch?

You spend half your time drinking
and fucking off like 12-year-olds.

You picked a fight with the man

that was responsible
for giving us a loan.

Dad, I offered to set
your banking up online.

I offered to put in a
cistern to collect the runoff.

We try to help, you don't let us.

When you really wanna help
someone, you don't offer. You just do it.

You start doin' that...

I'll ask for your opinion.

You two wanna be shown respect?

Start growing up.

Act like men.

You had to put A1 sauce on your steak.

[upbeat music playing]

- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, sweetheart.

Can I charge my phone back there?

Oh, Hank's charging his iPad.

You have an iPad?

What, I can't have nice things?

What's wrong?

What makes you think something's wrong?

Well, you just picked up a random beer

and started drinking it.

We're not supposed to do that?

Look, Colt,

if I'm going to be a widow or
a grandmother, I need to know.

Those are two completely
different outfits.

[stammers]

Okay.

You remember my Junior year in
the state championship game

where I scored a touchdown and...

You didn't score a touchdown.

Whatever. Uh, it's...

Okay, don't tell Dad that I told you.

We didn't get the loan.

Dad had to turn off the power.

- [sighs] Really?
- Yeah.

Rooster said it's the
worst he's ever seen it.

He called it "Colt Bennett bad."

While I don't appreciate being
at the bottom of that scale...

- it scared the crap out of me.
- Yeah.

Well, if it's any help...

in the winter of '81, we
lost almost half the herd.

We turned off the
power till the next spring.

But we made it through.

That was "Colt Bennett bad."

[stutters] Once again,

I don't think we need to use that scale.

- I suppose that's reassuring.
- Yeah.

You know, your father's been
able to handle anything

that's ever been thrown his way.

If there were one
rancher in this whole state

who can make it through a tough time,

I'd bet on Beau Bennett.

So, you just do whatever
you can to support him.

Support him?

[stutters] I don't
even know how bad it is.

I mean, he won't tell
us what's happening,

he won't involve us in anything,

and he won't let anybody help him.

Oh, trust me, I know.

He thinks tow truck
drivers are enablers.

Look, son,

you grew up on that
ranch. You know what to do.

Well...

Thanks, Mom.

- Yeah.
- Hey.

How'd you and Dad make it three
months without any power?

Well, the power
went out in the winter...

and you were born the next fall,

- so we basically just...
- Okay, okay, okay.

I got it.

Power out?

No, it's mood lighting.

Can I talk to you?

Do I have to talk back?

Oh, so it's bad mood lighting.

[sighs] I spoke with Colt.

Damn kid can't keep his mouth shut.

Yeah, he's kind of the
opposite of his father that way.

He was scared.

And I told him about '81 and
I think it reassured him.

In '81, we got the loan.

Yeah, I might've left that part out.

You know, this is like
when you didn't want me

to tell him there was no Santa Claus.

He was four.

And you wonder why he's soft.

You still didn't have
to tell him in the mall,

in front of all those other kids.

Saved all those parents two
hours of waiting in line.

You know, if I had any
money to give you, I would.

Well, I appreciate that, Mags.

But I wouldn't take it if you did.

Although maybe Colt would
want it for that coconut water.

Is that a real thing?

I believe it is.

I hate everyone.

Look, I've been
thinking, and just hear me out...

I could put the bar
up as collateral for you.

And I appreciate that...

but that's the same
as offering me money.

You need help. It may
as well come from me.

This ranch isn't your
concern anymore, Maggie.

Bullshit. My sons still live here.

And whether we end up divorced or not,

that makes it my concern.

Plus, if you lose this place,

they're gonna want to live
with me in my Airstream

and there's no fucking
way that's gonna happen.

I don't want your money...

and I don't want to talk.

I got enough problems.

Yeah, well, now you got one less.

I don't hate you.

Or Ronald Reagan.

You know what the worst part
about living without power is?

Yeah, no hair dryer. This
is a selfie-free day.

No, man. The worst part about
living without power

is means living without porn.

Earlier today, I had to
use a T.J. Maxx catalog.

Thank God for yoga pants.

Colt, what in the hell do
you think you're doing?

Chopping wood, helping out.

Isn't that what you want us to do?

What I want you to do is
keep your mouth shut.

What are you talking about?

The fact that you're talking to
your mother about our business.

Oh, oh. So, now that you're
pissed, it's our business.

All right, let's not forget

that Colt's the one
who opened his mouth.

He's also the one who puts
A1 sauce on your steak, so...

The last thing I need is
your mother coming here,

putting her nose in it,

and offering to put up
the bar as collateral.

She did that?

That's great.

Yeah, then, we can go get the loan.

I told her no way in hell.

Why would you do that?

You're always bitching how
Mom chose the bar over you,

now she's willing to put
it up to save your ass,

you're too proud to accept her help?

Yeah...

we all got to change...

but you can still be the same

bull-headed, stubborn jackass?

Is that how it works?

I'm gonna go check the generator.

He's always going to
check the generator.

I think he just says that 'cause

he doesn't want to listen to us anymore.

So, anyway...

I was trying to use the
Lands' End catalog...

it's, like, wintertime, so
everyone's wearing a sweater.

I'm gonna go check the generator.

[somber country music playing]

Hey.

Okay, I'd offer you a whiskey, but...

I know you're closed.

Well, I was gonna say,
you couldn't afford it.

Suppose I deserve that.

What are you doing here, Beau?

- Listen, I came here...
- No, you know what?

You listen to me.

I care about this ranch and
I care about this family.

And I'm really not in
the mood to talk to you

if you're not gonna let me help.

Well, that's fair.

Just let me say this.

When I was a kid, my dad

was real straight on how to run a ranch.

Cattle are grass-fed,
don't waste free water...

and try to run out of
whiskey and time on the same day.

He was a good man.

Yeah.

He was a lot like me.

But, you know, without
the sense of humor.

He taught me everything I know.

Most of all, he taught me that hard
work will always get you through.

What he didn't say is what to
do when hard work wasn't enough.

Beau, I've built up some
equity in this place. Why not use it?

Maggie, it's not that
I don't want your help.

If I let you put this
place at risk and I fail...

then I take you down with me.

Well, I believe in you. So,
that's not gonna happen.

I wish I believed
that as much as you do.

Come on, everything's
gonna be all right.

I'm proud of you, Maggie...

what you've done here.

You know that, right?

I do now.

[somber country music playing]