The Phil Silvers Show (1955–1959): Season 4, Episode 19 - Bilko's Credit Card - full transcript

When Bilko is unable to pay the restaurant bill on a date he tries to take out a credit card and is refused. He sets up the GI's Gourmet a Diners Club credit card for the soldiers of Camp Fremont. But is Bilko onto a winner?

(barking orders)

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I'll be with you in
a minute, Gloria.

I'm making a reservation
at the Latin Quarter.

It's the premier of
their new Spring Revue.

Hensh, I gotta have some
dough. This is an emergency.

Look, I'm here at the Maison
D'Or restaurant, get me some loot.

I don't care... don't
tell me they're broke.

There must be 50 guys from
Camp Fremont here in town.

Grover, Ritzik, Doberman,
anybody, get it to me.

Oh, this is a real
dazzler, Hensh.



And I don't want
to spoil it now.

Hensh, help me.
May Day! May Day!

Sorry, to keep
you waiting, dear,

but I do want this to
be a perfect evening.

Let's go in and sit down,
my feet are killing me.

But of course, sugar.

I think you'll like
the Maison D'Or.

I find it to be San
Francisco's finest restaurant.

I've never been here before.

Oh, my dear, it will be
a thrill to introduce you

to the joys of gracious
living a la France.

- Maitre d', Maitre d'.
- Oui, Monsieur?

Table for two, s'il vous plait.

- This way, please.
- Yeah.



Oh no, no, no, the
booth. Try the booth, dear.

I think we'll find that
much more intime.

But, Monsieur, this
booth is reserved.

Here, here, none of your
continental impertinence.

After you, my dear, splendid.

No, no, no, we won't need a
menu, I know just what we want.

- Very well.
- Two cups of coffee.

Monsieur, two cups of coffee?

Yes, do you mind? Oh,
I see what upsets him.

I seem to have
offended his French pride.

Very well, garcon, have it
your way, two demitasse.

Allez, allez! Very well.

Ernie, I'm starved.

You're sta... oh, I think
the band's about to play.

- Let's dance.
- Nothing doing.

I don't dance on
an empty stomach.

Look, Bilko, let's not
beat around the bush,

if you're broke, level with me.

I'll understand.

Gosh, you are sweet.
I was right about you.

I will level with you, my dear.

You see, all I have
is a dollar and a half.

- You cheap bum!
- Gloria.

Don't Gloria, Gloria me.

I thought I was on
a date, not a diet.

Gloria, dear, please don't
use words that we'll both regret.

Help is on the way. Francis!

- Hello, Bilko.
- Boy, am I glad to see you.

And am I glad to see you.
Boy, you sure look great.

Look, Francis, I happen
to be a little short.

Forget it, Bilko, you're as
tall as you're ever going to be

as far as I'm concerned.

Gloria, it's just like
Francis, always joshing.

Look, old man, could you
let me have 50 till tomorrow?

10 will do it, Grover.

Who's the lovely cookie, Bilko?

- She looks like a debutante.
- And that she is.

Miss Popowski, I'd like
to present Sgt. Grover.

- How are you?
- Starved.

- How are you?
- Look, 5 will tide me over.

Sorry, Bilko. Miss
Popowski, how would you like

to share a rare filet
mignon with me?

Rare, I wouldn't
care if it was raw.

Gloria, you're not
going to fall for that?

- Can I help you, Monsieur?
- You sure can.

See that we get a good table.

What do you say, baby,
a nice big juicy steak,

golden French
fries, pie a la mode?

Now, that's what I
call a smooth line.

So long, Diamond Jim.

Gloria, wait, you're not
going to leave me for him?

I have no choice. It's
either him or pellagra.

All right, all right. I
won't forget this evening.

With a little bit of
luck, neither will I.

I hope you and Miss
Tapeworm will be very happy.

Your cheque, Monsieur,
dollar and a half.

Dollar and half,
all right, I'll sign it.

Of course, if you're a
member of the Diners Guild.

Diner's Guild! Why
didn't I think of that?

What did you say,
a dollar and a half?

Here you are,
dollar and half, even.

(French)

Excuse me, I don't
understand French.

What are you saying?

Cheap bum.

Oh, yeah, it's a
lovely language.

How are you doing with
the application, Sarge?

I'll be through in a minute.

Let me see... give two
names for personal reference.

Hmm, Cpl. Rocco Barbella,
Cpl. Steve Henshaw.

- You boys don't mind, do you?
- What's that, Sarge?

I gave your names
vouching for my character.

Oh, sure it's all right,

as long as I don't
have to sign anything.

Here you are, Sir.

I believe I've answered
all your questions.

Very well, Mr. Bilko.

I hope you can rush
my credit card through.

You see, we're having
dinner in an hour.

An hour?

Oh yes, I'm taking this
congressman to dinner.

You see, even in the
Army it's not what you know,

it's who you know, and
I'd like the credit card

as a reference for my income
tax purposes, you understand?

Sgt. Bilko, I'm afraid it
just isn't done that quickly.

I understand, well, we'll say
first thing tomorrow morning?

Oh no, it will take
at least a week

to process your application.

- A week?
- We're a very large organization.

Oh yes, I understand.

You see, I myself I'm a
member of a large organization,

the Armed Forces of America.

Then we understand one another?

Of course we do. Can
you push it right through?

Well, you'll hear from
us by mail, Sergeant.

By mail?

Well, come on, we mustn't
keep the congressman waiting.

Mr. Casey, I have
an inquiry here

about a soldier who used to
be stationed at Fort Baxter.

What's his name?

Sgt. Ernest G. Bilko.

Bilko!

- Does that name ring a bell?
- A bell?

That's a three-alarm fire.

Here, send him one of these.

It tells the whole story.

Hello, I have his
folder in front of me.

Sergeant. Ernest G. Bilko.

B as in bandit, I as in
insufficient fund, L as in...

Ernest Bilko? Yes I
remember him very well.

He got all A's on a report
card for 3 straight years.

Graduated with
honors? Heavens, no.

Ernest was expelled for forgery!

Sarge, got a letter for
you from the Diner's Guild.

Well, it's about time.
This is it, Hensh.

Do you know what this means?

No more embarrassing shortages
on weekends before payday.

Well, what does it say?

Well, we'll have it in
a minute, buddy boy.

"Dear Mr. Bilko, we
regret to inform you

that your application
has been turned...

They turned me down.

All right, who's
the stool pigeon?

Which one of you guys
put in the zinger for me.

Hey, don't look at me, Sarge,

I gave you a
sensational reference.

Me too, I told them you're
a man of great integrity.

Oh, excuse me
boys, I didn't see it.

- There's a P.S. here.
- What does it say?

"Please advise Cpls.
Barbella and Henshaw

that we have decided not
to press perjury charges."

How do you like that?

Millions of people in the
Diner's Guild, I can't get in.

Why? It's not fair.

Sure, how much damage
could one rotten apple do?

- What is that supposed to mean?
- You can't blame them, Ernie.

- They're in business.
- That's right, Sarge.

You know what
it is with soldiers.

They shift from post
to post, sent overseas.

Ah, ahah, ahah!

What is it, Ernie?
Did I say something?

Nah, nah.

- Something I said?
- Yes, Sir!

What, Ernie?

There are 10,000 men
at Camp Fremont, right?

Right.

$2 membership fee
would come to $20,000,

plus what we get from the

restaurants owners
in Grove City, huh?

Put that all together,
what do you got, pal?

- What?
- The G.G.G!

- The G.G.G?
- The G.I.'s Gourmet Guild.

You know something,
boys, there will always be

a warm spot in my heart
for the Casa Alfredo.

- Why?
- Because in years to come

I'll remember this was
the first Italian restaurant

to sign up with our G.G.G.

Good afternoon,
gentlemen. Can I help you?

Oh, good afternoon, oh Rocco,
as a fellow Italian-American,

I think you should have the
honor of welcoming Alfredo

to our organization.

Benvenuto alla Casa Alfredo

come primo socio
di questa società,

the G.I.'s Gourmet Guild.

I don't understand.
No, let me handle it.

Look, Alfredo, how would you
like to double your business?

- Sure, why not?
- Did I tell you

he'd understand a
golden opportunity?

Alfredo, there are 10,000
soldiers at Camp Fremont, right?

- Si.
- Ha.

Now these 10,000
soldiers are usually broke.

- Si.
- Ah, now.

Suppose they have the
urge for a fine Italian meal,

they have no cash.
They cannot come here.

- So, you lose money.
- That's right.

Well, with my little G.G.G,
you let them sign the cheque,

they pay me and then they
pay you at the 1st of the month.

Now, what do you say about that?

- Arrivederci.
- No, no, you don't understand.

- Please, go.
- Alfredo!

Alfredo! Alfredo.

(Italian)

Why you holler?

I am here. Not in Naples.

(Italian)

Excuse me a
minute, just a moment.

- Who is this lovely girl?
- She is my wife.

Oh, darn. Rocco, you're Italian,

perhaps you can explain to me.

Why is it your beautiful
women marry so early?

First it was Gina,
then Sofia, and now...

- Maria.
- Mmh Maria.

That voice, it sings!

Oh, tell me, you
sang at the La Scala?

Maria? You're not Maria Callas?

Oh, shut up, your sweet mouth.

Alfredo, what does
this nice soldier want?

Vuole che ci mettiamo
al Club G.G.G.

e dare credito ai soldati
fino alla fine del mese.

And why not? (Italian)

You are the owner of this bar?

- You are Mike?
- That's right.

Stay right where you are.

Check the liquor,
inspect the kitchen.

- Right, Sarge.
- Hey, what is this anyway?

I run a good, clean
place and I don't...

Hold that, I'll do all
the talking around here.

- What is this all about?
- It's a crackdown.

They're getting up a list of
approved bars in Grove City

and only those who
pass the inspection

will be allowed to extend
credit to the soldiers.

Credit?

Mister, if your
name isn't on this list,

you might as well be off limits.

- Off limits?
- The liquor seems ok, Sarge.

How about the kitchen, Corporal?

Not so good, Sarge, the
kitchen needs a lot of work.

Oh, oh, sorry, Mike.

I hope you get a
good price for this joint.

But wait a minute, Sarge.

This place will be scrubbed
clean from top to bottom.

I'll put my mother on it
first thing in the morning.

I just gotta be on that list.

- I'm sorry.
- Give him a break, Sarge.

- Come on, Sarge.
- Huh, Sarge?

There I go, just
a softie at heart.

No wonder I'll never
make Provost Marshall.

All right, Mike...

- How did we do?
- Great, Sarge, that was 10.

- Hazel's Diner.
- That's 11.

- And the Blue Grotto.
- That's 12.

That's just the beginning.

Once we get rolling,
we'll tie up bowling alleys,

pool rooms, everything.

When are we going to
start signing up the guys?

Right now.

All right, you guys, line up.

Where is everybody?

Looks like they're gone.

- I don't like it.
- What do you mean?

They're like animals,
they smell danger

even before I make my move.

All right, you creepy bums, out!

Out of here. Come on, out!

Out! Out! Move it!

Where's Doberman?

He was about to
step into the shower.

That desperate, huh Doberman?

Move it! On the double!

All right, you creeps!

Fall in on the double
(barking orders).

What's wrong with you guys?

Got nothing better to do
but to play children's games?

Playing Hide and Seek?

It wasn't Hide and Seek.

It's a new game called
"Save your Money."

This time you
happen to be wrong.

This is not a touch. This
is a plan to help you guys.

Ok, Bilko, we're listening.

Very simple, now, every weekend
you fellows are broke, right?

Half the time you spend in
town you haven't got money

to pay for food or
for drink, is that right?

- So?
- Well.

I'm going to see that
doesn't happen to you again.

Don't tell me you're
putting in for a transfer!

Fender, will you stop
with those stale jokes?

The G.I.'s Gourmet Guild
is a break for you fellows.

How does it work, Sarge?

Very simple.

For a $2 membership
fee, this entitles you

to sign for food or for drink in
any restaurant in Grove City.

You mean we just sign the tab?

Simple, now, at the end
of the month you pay me.

I in turn pay the
various restaurants.

In other words, you
are handling our money.

Ah-ha, now there's
a small service fee.

Here, freeze!

I'm trying to help you.
I go through this, why?

Why do I have... All right.

Explain to me, I
have an open mind.

What is wrong with this deal?

Please tell me, what is wrong?

Hold it! One at a time.

In the first place, we don't
trust you with our money.

In the second place,
we can't afford to eat out

whether we charge it or not.

And in the third place, we
don't trust you with our money.

Fender said that once.

Yeah, but it's an important
point, once ain't enough.

Hey, chow call!

I got one! I got one!

Sarge, one ain't enough.

Get out of here!

Here, they're like wild animals.

The minute they smell
free food, they stampede.

Boy, if you could get
them to eat like that in town,

gee, you'd make a fortune.

Don't worry, they'll
be happy to eat in town

once they hear about the
epidemic of Hungarian Hives.

Hungarian Hives? What's that?

It's a highly contagious
disease about to strike

a well-known Hungarian
cook named Rupert Ritzik.

- What's the main symptom?
- Brown spots all over your face.

- What causes it?
- Brown shoe polish, what else?

Rupert, Rupert, congratulations!

You won! You won!

Beat it, Bilko. I'm busy.

Get his picture. Get down here.

Yeah. Take it!

- Great!
- Hey, what's this all about?

Didn't you hear about
it? You won! You won!

The Army Times has designated
you Army Cook of the year.

- Who, me?
- Yes, you.

Ooh!, Ooh!, Army Cook
of the Year, I made it!

- I made it!
- Look at this scroll.

Listen to this.

"For culinary services
performed above and beyond

the call of duty, Mess
Sgt. Rupert Ritzik

is hereby awarded
this scroll of honor

designating him
Army Cook of the Year.

- Hip hip!
- Hooray!

- Hip hip!
- Hooray!

Bilko, can I have that scroll?

Oh no, I'm going to
have it framed for you.

Come on, we promised the Army
Times we'd get some pictures.

Now, let me see now,
what is your favorite pose?

How's this?

No, no, give me a
profile, look this way.

No, no, keep it that way.

Now, be sure you get it all
in. You know what I mean?

I want the sweep of that
noble cheekbone, you got it?

Good boy. Let me see
your profile, this way.

Now, you what I want here?
No, look up, up, that's it.

I want... you see the high
cheekbone? Very important.

Shows virility, you got that?

Good boy! Good poses!

Face up. Now, sweep up
so we get the noble sweep

of this wonderful forehead and
the nose and the strong chin,

let's see that.

Good boy, get that right over
to the Army office right away,

on the double, move it!

Oh, am I proud of you,
Rupert, proud of you!

Well, master chef,
what little concoction

have you prepared
for us this evening?

- Chipped beef on toast.
- Oh, wonderful.

My stomach is
jumping with excitement.

I'm proud of you, Rupert, proud!

Hey, sit here. Paparelli,
here, sit over here.

Hey, what's the matter
with Henshaw and Rocco?

Aren't they eating tonight?

Aren't they eating?
You must be kidding.

- Haven't you heard?
- Heard?

Heard what? What?

Rocco and Henshaw
are in the hospital.

- In the hospital?
- What happened, Sarge?

- What's the matter with him?
- They got Hungarian Hives.

- Hungarian Hives?
- Shut up!

What do you want to do,
create a panic around here?

I never heard of
Hungarian Hives.

Believe me, you can be
lucky you never heard of it.

Poor Rocco, got 106 fever
and brown spots all over his face.

- How did they get it?
- I don't know.

The doctors don't know too much
about it other than it's a disease

and it's transmitted
through food bacteria.

Oh, cut it out, Sarge.
You're ruining my appetite.

How long does it
take to get over it?

I don't know, 4, 5 months,
but that's the way it goes.

They'll be all right.

Hey, Rupert, how
about the chow, chow!

You know, life must go on.

Here you go, boys.
Here, it's all yours.

Ok, Ritzik.

Hey, what's the
matter with his face?

- It's covered with brown spots.
- He's got Hungarian Hives.

This may not be as
serious as it looks.

Hey, what's with
you guys anyway?

Run! Run for your lives!

Run! Out! Out!

- Congratulations, Rupert.
- What did I do?

You just helped launch
the G.I. Gourmet Guild.

You won't be able to get in a
restaurant in Grove City for months.

What are you
talking about, Bilko?

Never mind, you wouldn't
understand, but wash your face.

How's it look for the
Army Cook of the Year

walking around
with a dirty face.

Come on, wash it.

Come on, let's see
the first month's report.

Be finished in a second, Sarge.

- Wow!
- Wow?

What is it? Let me hear it.

Members in the G.I. Gourmet
Guild signed tabs this month

amounting to, $6,000.

- Let me hear it again.
- $6,000.

- That's beautiful music.
- Sing it again.

$6,000.

Hey, Sarge, at 6% our
commission comes to $360,

that means that we owe
the restaurants $5,640.

Ernie, we gotta
pay the restaurants.

Of course, but first
we gotta collect from

the men, then the
restaurants get paid.

Look, I don't like being
hounded by shopkeepers.

They'll be paid by
the 1st of the month.

- But Ernie, this is the 5th.
- Who's side are you on?

Sarge, how are we going
to collect this money?

With pleasure.

Now, pay attention, I'll show
you how Operation Payday works.

Roc, most of our members

are concentrated
into 3 Battalions, right?

All right, you collect
from the Infantry Battalion.

You collect from
the Tank Battalion

and I'll get the
Artillery Battalion.

All right, let's
synchronize watches.

Tick.

All right gentlemen, we hit them

at 6:00 o'clock in the morning.

They'll be too sleepy
to make excuses.

All right, move it!

Hey, Sarge, Sarge!
Wake up! Wake up!

Huh? What is it?

- Sarge, they're gone.
- Who's gone?

The Tank Battalion,
the Artillery Battalion,

the Infantry Battalion.

What are you bothering
me with Army matters?

I'm a businessman.

But Sarge, most of
our members are gone.

Gone?

Did you say the
members are gone?

That's right, Sarge, and we
won't be able to collect a cent.

- Where did they go?
- Surprise War Games.

- They pulled out before dawn.
- War Games?

Why doesn't somebody
tell me these things?

What am I, a Russian
spy or something?

- What about the Motor Platoon?
- We're standing by as reserves.

- Sarge, what are we going to do?
- Will you stop panicking?

These things happen in business.

Tomorrow afternoon
I'll stroll down

to the restaurant owners
and I'll explain it to them.

You don't have to go down there.

- They're right outside.
- Here?

At 6:00 o'clock in the morning?

- What do they want?
- Their money or your life.

Oh really, well, I
won't have that.

Where's the dignity and decorum.

Isn't there none
left in big business?

I won't have it, I tell you.
Follow me, gentlemen.

Hey, where do you
think you're going, Bilko?

I was just going out for a
breath of fresh air, that's all.

Bilko, where is our
money? You're 6 days late.

Money? Rocco, didn't you
send them their money?

- Well, but Sarge...
- I won't have it.

That's gross inefficiency.
I want to talk to you.

- Come here, please.
- Hey, just a minute, Bilko.

Did somebody say something?

Yeah, and I'm going to
say it again for the last time,

we want our money today.

- Henshaw, make a note of that.
- Now Bilko, our money!

If we do not get it today,
we go to the Colonel.

Colonel, nothing. We
are going right to the D.A.

D.A.? I don't understand
what that expression means.

What does that mean, D.A.?

Well, then maybe you
know what this means.

Yes, it means you'll get your
money in 24 hours, I promise.

Ok, Bilko. You got 24 hours.

- And not one minute more.
- Ok.

Oh, Alfredo, how
is your lovely wife?

- Oh, she's black and blue.
- Come on.

You like the future I
got to look forward to?

First thing I get beaten up
and then I convalesce in jail.

Well, where are we
gonna find the guys, Ernie?

They may be gone for 2 weeks.

We'll have to go out
in the field and collect.

Yeah, but they left
under sealed orders,

we don't even
know where they are.

We've gotta do something.
Did you see that fist?

One finger would
lay me low for a year.

Well then you better
think of something.

I'm thinking. I'm thinking!

I got it! Sacramento!

Is that where they are?

No, that's where I'm going to
be hiding out, in Sacramento.

Sarge, there's an
officer outside to see you.

An officer already? I thought
they gave me 24 hours.

I think he's an Englishman.
(barking orders).

- Stand easy, old chaps.
- Thank you, Sir.

Anything we can do for you, Sir?

Yes, I say, I wonder if you
could give me some directions.

Directions, Sir?

Yes, I'm Lt. Col McRidge
of the British Army

and I'm here to observe
your War Games.

War Games, yes Sir.

- Yes, I'm a bit lost.
- I wonder if you could direct me

to a little spot
called Desert Ridge.

Desert Ridge. Yes, Sir.

Of course, are you
acquainted with Highway 1, Sir?

- Actually yes.
- Oh splendid,

continue south on Highway
1 and you can't miss it.

South on Highway 1, that's fine.

Well, I must rush now
because I'm late already.

- Thank you, Sir.
- Thanks very much.

Pleasure, Sir.

Sarge, Sarge, why did
you send him south?

- Desert Ridge is north.
- I'm going North, pal.

We're going to Desert
Ridge to collect huh, Sarge?

No, no, they'll
be too scattered.

We're going to get them all
back here at Camp Fremont.

Sure, but how?

I'll get them back here or my
name is not Lt. Col. McRidge.

And so, gentlemen,
our strategy at this point

is one of total envelopment.

By turning the enemy's flanks,

we can effectively create
a pincer's movement.

Excellent strategy, Sir.

And observe, gentlemen,
how this trap is closed.

A small force of
our infantry creates

a diversionary movement
around Camp Fremont.

This moves their
main force south.

But we quickly withdraw
from Camp Fremont,

our armored column is
moving and victory is ours.

Are there any
questions, gentlemen?

Lt. Col McRidge of the
Seventh Grenadiers reporting

as official observer to
her majesty's Army, Sir.

Glad to have you with us,
McRidge. I'm Gen. Putnam.

Delighted, Sir,
terribly sorry to be late

but I seem to have
run out of petrol,

and you know what a
beastly bore that can be.

I say, be a good bean,
have I missed anything, Sir?

Well, gentlemen, this
is Lt. Col. McRidge

of her Majesty's Forces.

- Chaps.
- How do you do?

And this is Col.
Rene St. Augustine

acting as an observer
for the French Army.

Mon Capitaine Enchante!

It's been years since
I crossed the channel.

I think the last thing was
the Battle of the Bulge.

It was bloody good
show, you know.

I say, Gen. Putnam,
what have we here?

Well, this is our situation map.

Would you like me
to review our strategy?

Say, there's a
good fellow, do that.

Won't you?

Well, now, we're the blue force.

Blue, my favorite color!
The better bit of war!

Well, our strategy is to
throw the enemy off balance

with a diversionary move.

Ah, the classic maneuver used by

Field Marshall
Montgomery at El Alamein.

Oh, I say Monty would
have liked you, Sir.

Do go on, won't you?

- Well, our Infantry moves in here.
- Ah, devilishly clever, what!

And our Artillery
comes in this way.

Oh, the favorite
move of Wellington

when we won the
battle of Waterloo.

Oh, I say Winnie could have
used you during the crisis, old bean.

Well, the enemy comes
down from the north now

completely unaware
of my armored columns.

And smash, by
Jove, you've got him!

Good move man!

All of this was
accomplished by feinting out

and then withdrawing
from Camp Fremont.

Say, that is good you know...

Withdrawing from Camp Fremont?

- Nothing could come even well.
- Anything wrong?

Well, I wouldn't say, I mean,
history need not repeat itself.

I mean, but that was
a sacrifice you know.

- Oh, what a disaster.
- What do you mean, Sir?

Well, the very diversionary move

that cost Napoleon
the Battle of Waterloo.

However, it might
work this time perhaps.

I don't understand.

This looks like a
perfectly sound maneuver,

strategically speaking.

Of course it does, Sir, and
so it seemed to Napoleon.

However, as he was crossing
over, he came to this town

where you have
this Camp Fremont.

Instead he came up a cropper
with this little French town

called Vichyssoise.
- Vichyssoise?

Yeah, that's a good show.

You see, that's where
Wellington closed in these pincers

and nipped them in
his unprotected rear.

What would you do, Colonel?

Oh, Sir, I'm just an observer.
I wouldn't presume, Sir.

Oh, no, McRidge,
please feel free to speak,

isn't that right, gentlemen?

Why of course,
tell us your opinion.

All right, gentlemen,
I will do exactly

what Alexander the Great would
have done, the unexpected, Sir.

May I illustrate?

Right here, Sir, where you
intend to withdraw your forces

from Camp Fremont, I
would do exactly the opposite,

bring up every available man

and centre 'em here
at Camp Fremont.

Oh yes, they won't expect
that, bring up all forces,

hit them in a brutal attack
in the frontal line, hit, smack!

Hit! Hit!

Sweep up from the south,
sweep down from the north

and hit them and
smash! Smash! Hit! Hit!

And by Jove,
you've got the battle.

Oh, look at this old
fox, Gen. Putnam,

that's the very move
you intended to do.

Now, speak up, fess up old chap

Gentlemen, there's
been a change in strategy.

Instead of a diversionary move,

we'll throw every man
we've got into Camp Fremont.

Good show, and by Jove, don't
forget you're going to hit them.

Smash smash. Hail
Britannia, Britannia...

280, 285, 290.

295, 300, there you are, Mike.

Thanks, Bilko, and here you are.

Ok, well, gentlemen,
that's the 12th one.

There is the end of the
G.I.'s Gourmet Guild.

Gee, it was such a great
idea, Ernie, what went wrong?

Sarge, how does the
Diner's Guild do it?

Simple, by keeping
out dead beats, like me.

Could you give me
a spot of brandy?

- Oh, hello there, Sarge.
- How are you, Sir?

I'm afraid I made a bit of
a mess of your directions.

Oh, that's a rum go, did you
miss the War Games, Sir?

Yes, most of them.

However, I was on hand to
witness the Battle of Camp Fremont.

Good show, did you
find it interesting, Sir?

Oh, rather. One thing
puzzles me though.

What is that, Sir?

How did you chaps
beat us in 1776?

Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's cast were:

Joe E. Ross as Sgt. Ritzik.
Augusta Merighi as Maria.

Joseph Callini as
Alfredo. Al Lewis as Mike.

George Turner as Gen. McRidge.
Al Hodge as Gen. Putnam.

Marcel Hillaire as the waiter.
Dorothy Dollivar as Gloria.

And Bruce Brighton
as Mr. Wilson.