The Phil Silvers Show (1955–1959): Season 4, Episode 17 - Bilko's Grand Hotel - full transcript

(barking orders)

Grand opening
today, the Pizzarama.

Prime US Government
inspected pizza's on route 99.

Our own pizza stand.

Correction, our
first pizza stand.

Today it's Grove City,
tomorrow the world.

There's only one thing that
makes me feel a little sad.

What's that, Ern?

I hate putting the skids
under Howard Johnson.

But there's no room for
sentiment in big business, pal.

- Hey, Sarge!
- What?



Paparelli just called
from the stand.

He's got all the burners going.

Boy, our 1st batch of
pizzas are on the way.

- All right, let's move it.
- Yeah.

Remember this, I want a lot of
handbills spread all over town.

Sarge, they just finished
painting the menu.

You want to check it
before I take it down?

Yeah, let me look at that.

Anchovy pizza 40 cents,
Mushroom pizza 40 cents.

Will you shut the window?
How can a man think with all

those sirens bursting your ear.

Sausage pizzas 45 cents,
Cheese pizza 35 cents

Won-ton pizza 50 cents.

Won-ton pizza?



Oh yes, that's for
the gourmet's taste.

East meets west in your mouth.

You will be surprised, this'll
drive Duncan Hines crazy

Sarge, 10 minutes to 12:00.

This is it, gentlemen,
a historic moment.

Today we set the eating world
on fire! Move it, Dobie, move it!

All right, folks, now
stand back there.

The fire is all over now.

- Break it up - Keep moving.

It's all right, I'm
the proprietor,

Now, I'll tell you one thing,
officer, if this is your beat,

I'm gonna see that you
get plenty of free pizzas.

I'm not a policeman.
I'm a fireman.

- A fireman? Where's the fire?

Where's my stand?

Where's the pizza stand?

The fire is over, go
on home. Go on home.

What happened?
Where's my pizzas?

- What happened?
- It happened just like that.

What happened? Where's my stand?

I don't know, it was
here a minute ago.

We were trying something
special, pizzas on a flaming sword.

Suddenly the wind shifted.

Where's the sword?

Let's find the sword
so I can kill them.

Sarge, take it easy,
it was accident.

An accident? An accident?

Look what I've got
here, a $500 ash tray.

All right, Sergeant, at
least we got fire insurance.

Insurance, where
is the list? The list.

Things to do today, get a
hundred pounds of flour,

get a jar of pimentos,
and get fire insurance.

We don't have fire insurance?

We don't even have pimentos.

Well, Mr. President,
should I tell the stock holders

to get a broom and
sweep up our holdings?

Don't worry, they'll get
paid back every cent.

Oh sure, sure.

Maybe we can open
a night club in this spot

and call it The Embers.

How does he find time for jokes?

You think he'd be too
busy making fires here.

I'll kill you!

Do you understand? I'd kill you,
if I didn't need you for evidence.

What evidence?

You and Paparelli are
going to be the charcoal

broiler proof evidence
that I was sold a fire trap.

You mean you're gonna
sue the real estate agent?

No, unless he wants
to settle out of court.

I know I'm ready to
settle, are you, are you?

- Yes.
- Sure.

Then what are we
waiting for? Come on,

let's get out of here.

Wait a minute, where's Doberman?

- Doberman?
- It's burnt but delicious, Sarge.

This is ridiculous, Bilko.

You can't hold me
responsible for that fire.

Oh, can't I? Indeed.
You sold us a tinder box.

You should have
had fire insurance.

I was just signing the
fire insurance paper

when the spark from the
pen ignited the entire building,

and furthermore, I have
witnesses to prove this,

is that right, witnesses?
- Yes!

Bilko, you haven't got
a case and you know it.

I got a fortune tied
up in flour, eggs,

mozzarella cheese,
Tabasco sauce, but no stand.

How am I gonna sell my
pizzas, through the mail?

Instead of a stand, why don't
you open up a restaurant?

A restaurant?

Yes, I've got a
wonderful location for you,

the old Grove City hotel.

It's been deserted for years,
you can have it very cheaply.

That old barn? You
must be kidding.

The only reason
that isn't condemned,

the inspector is
afraid to go in there.

I'll admit it isn't in very
condition, but it can be fixed up.

Oh, I see what you're doing,

that's very clever, Mr. Sherman,
trying to sell me a new place

so I'll forget all about
the fire at the old place.

Oh, but you'll not get away
with it, I hold you responsible.

Responsible indeed, you
will be up on a negligence rap.

Why, you can smell the
smoke right up to here.

Say, you're right, I
can smell smoke...

my waste paper basket!

What happened?

I was lighting a match
and the wind shifted.

- Oh I'll kill them!
- Oh no, Sarge.

Sarge? A shipment of
anchovies just came in,

what are we gonna do with them?

Throw them in the river,
maybe they'll swim back to Italy.

What am I going
to do with this sign?

- Burn it.
- In the furnace?

No, put it next to
Zimmerman and Paparelli,

they'll know what to do.

Look at the ad, Ernie,
Grand Opening Today.

Yeah, we didn't need an ad, all
we had to do was wait till tonight,

we'd have a front page headline.

Fire sweeps Pizzarama.

I'll save the ad as
a memento anyway.

You like the luck I'm
in? All the work I did?

I wound up with a
memento, a memento.

Did you say the
pimentos came, Sarge?

I hope I didn't wrinkle the ad.

Might as well put
this in a scrapbook

and we'll know what
not to do next time.

Hey, listen to this, "Oscar
Perkins, vice president

of the Conrad
Hilton Hotel chain,

will make a special visit
to Grove City on Saturday.

When asked the
purpose of this trip

Mr. Perkins, said "no comment."

Well, that's very interesting.

Now, what about the
weather report for tomorrow?

You jerk, I just read
you the weather report,

it's gonna be raining,
raining dollars.

Don't you get it?
Oh, that cagy Conrad.

He's trying to circle the
globe with Hilton hotels, right?

What would complete the chain?

A Hilton hotel right
here in Grove City.

- The last link in the chain.
- How about that?

How about that, around
the world in 80 hotels.

Where do you suppose he's gonna
build a hotel here in Grove City?

The only logical
place he can build it,

on the site of the
Old Grove City Hotel.

Now, you know
what we're gonna do?

Yeah.

We're gonna get down
to that real estate office,

we're gonna buy that
old hotel for peanuts,

we're gonna sell it to
Conrad Hilton for a fortune!

Eureka! My student.
He knows me now.

My disciple, you
finally have arrived.

Welcome, welcome
to the major leagues.

And then with the
money we make from that

we're gonna open
another pizza stand.

Jerk, you were
starting to do good too.

Come on, let’s go down
to that real estate office.

- Just a moment, just a moment.
- What?

Now, what are you gonna buy this
hotel with? We were just wiped out.

And only a couple of
hundred dollars would do it too.

Couple of hundred dollars?
Everybody is tapped out.

Well, fellows, I hate to say it,
but we're gonna have to do it.

- Do what?
- Sell the car.

- Oh, not the car.
- We gotta.

We gotta make a sacrifice,
we need the money.

- Yeah, but the car?
- But the car, the car.

- What?
- Ritzik isn't using it.

We'll sell it for him.

- Ah, Mr. Sherman.
- Bilko, get out of here.

Please, let bygones be bygones.

I've decided to withdraw
my suit against you.

I realized it wasn't your fault,

and as a token of our friendship

I'd like you to accept this
asbestos waste paper basket.

Thank you, Bilko.

Yes, I realized I was a
little hot under the collar

after the fire and...
oh, oh, that is rather..

You see, I seemed to have lost
everything but my sense of humour.

Well, Bilko, if there's
anything that I could ever

do for you just let me know.

That's splendid, well
as a matter of fact

there is something you can do.

You see, we were thinking of
opening a fortune telling parlour.

Fortune telling parlour?

Yes, isn't it exciting? You
see, we have the gypsies,

now all we need
is an empty stall.

Gypsies in Grove City?

Oh, yes, a caravan of
them arrived here yesterday.

As a matter of fact,
their king is waiting

for a call from me
at Wally's garage.

Well, I don't have
an empty store

but I do have a
wonderful office for rent.

Office! May I use your phone?

- Yes, help yourself.
- Thank you very much.

Ooh, they love to
sing those songs.

Hello, Wally? This is Bilko,
have you got a gypsy there?

Yes, let me speak
to him, please.

Hello, King Lazlenka... Bilko,

(Romany).

He wants to say hello to you.

Hello, King Lazlenka.

(Romani)

You better talk to him.

(Romany) meeting.

(Romany) how about office.

(Romany)

He wants to know is there
room to sleep in the back?

I'm afraid not.

(Romany)

You see, he has to
have a place to sleep

and to work and to
keep their dahuris.

- Dahuris?
- The chickens.

What you need then
is a big place, I've got it.

- The Grove City hotel.
- You're kidding, that old bar?

If I suggest that to the king

he'll hit me on the head
with his tambourine.

I'll ask him. King,
forget the office.

How about skinny
Grove City hotel.

(Romany)

He wants to know
how much is the rent?

$40 a month.

He say $40 a month.
He doesn't understand.

Lend me a pencil, I
can give him a figure...

Oh, king, it comes to
$600 million papashkies.

Are you serious?
What did he say?

He doesn't want to
rent, he wants to buy.

I'll tell him he's
flipped his bandana.

No, no wait, wait.

The present owner
would just love to sell.

You could have the hotel
at a very reasonable price.

- How much?
- $4,000.

Is that dollars or papashkies?

Dollars.

King, (Romany)

it comes to 18
billion papashkies.

Mana? (Romany)

He says make it 17 billion
and you've got a deal.

You want me to come
down a billion papashkies?

It's only $500, Sir.

Tell him that's ok.

King, (Romany).

It's a deal, he's
counting his chickens,

he's authorized
me to close the deal.

Splendid, I'll get the papers.

Oh, Miss Caldwell, will
you come in, please?

Of course, I'll need a
cash down payment.

Oh, I understand,
and here you are.

Here's $300 till I can
arrange a mortgage.

Know that I have AAA
rating at the California Bank,

you know that of course.

Ah, splendid, will
just sign right there

where it's marked
and the hotel is yours.

Ernest G. Bilko, there you
are. The last link of the chain.

Yes, Mr. Sherman?

Ah, Miss Caldwell, I'd like
to send a telegram, please.

Yes, I'd like to send one
when he's through too,

if you don't mind.

To the Conrad Hilton hotels.

Attention, Oscar Perkins.

No, wait a sec, I'm
gonna send that telegram.

Dear Mr. Perkins, no need
for your trip to Grove City,

have just disposed off
Hilton Hotels' property.

Hilton Hotels' property?

Yes, the Grove City hotel was
the property of Hilton Hotels.

They've been trying
to get rid of it for years.

Get rid of it? It's the
last link in the chain.

Who said that?

I did, to him, and
he believed me.

Don't you have a
mind of your own?

This is a new high for us.

This is the 1st time we've
been wiped out twice in one day.

Sarge, maybe you
could find somebody

we could sell the hotel to.

Oh sure, all we have to
do is find a rich termite.

But now that we didn't
sell the hotel to Hilton,

what are we gonna use
to buy Ritzik's car back?

Will you lay off me? We'll worry
about that when we come to it.

Well, we've just come to it.

- Here comes Ritzik and with a cop.
- With a cop?

Rupert, what happened?
You were arrested?

Officer, I can vouch for this
man, he was with me all night.

No, Bilko, my car was stolen

and we're just
checking around town.

Stolen? How do
you know it's stolen?

Maybe Emma drove
off in it, and left you.

No such luck, she's home
and the car is gone. Stolen.

Mildred, did you
see a green 1947

Kaiser Frazier
parked around here?

No, I didn't.

It had Emma's baby
shoes on the windshield

and one white wall tyre.
- That's a shame, Rupert.

Will they stop tormenting...
wait a minute, did you say

a green Kaiser Frazier?
There it goes, officer!

Where?

Right down that main street,
run after it, there it goes.

What are you grabbing me for?

Just sit down.
Your car isn't stolen.

- It isn't?
- No, I'm selling it for you.

I wished it was stolen.

Don't be silly, I've
got a client for the car.

He's driving it home
to show it to his wife.

I don't care, I want it back.

All right, I'll call Seattle.

As soon as it gets there,
I'll have him turn around

and drive it back here.

It should take about a week.

- A week?
- There's something fishy going on.

What did you do
with my car, Bilko?

All right, I'll level
with you. I took it.

So you're the
crook. Police, police!

Don't call the police.

I'm telling you I
sold the car for you.

Well, why didn't you say so?

How much did you get for it?

300 bucks.

Hey, that's great, Ernie,
give me the money.

- I haven't got it.
- Police, police!

Sit down. Look, I invested
it in a sure fire proposition.

Well, that's different.
What did you invest it in?

- The Grove City hotel.
- Police, police!

Will you stop this?

I'm telling you, I'm gonna
get you double your money

or triple your money
in no time at all.

All I ask you is to
give me a week.

I'll give you 3 days, you
have that money back or else...

Or else you'll tell the police?

Worse, I'll tell
Emma. So long, Bilko.

My future there, huh?
My life is in the hands

of Emma and Rupert Ritzik.

Look, we've got to plan
a way to sell that hotel.

There must be some way you
can get rid of a broken down hotel.

Why don't you ask
Conrad Hilton, he just did it?

I'm warning you.

I'd just as soon go to jail
for murder as for larceny.

Hey, soldier, how about
a dime for a cup of coffee?

Oh, did you come
to the wrong place.

Look, maybe we could
sell that hotel to the Army

as an obstacle course,
it's a perfect booby trap.

Oh, I get it, you
already had your coffee,

so nobody else can get theirs.

Oh come on, knock it off,
the minute I finish this coffee

I'm in the same boat with you.

Don't give me that, buddy,
I know what you soldiers

make home every month.

Your salary is paid
out of my taxes.

So how about a dime
for a cup of coffee?

What does he want from
me? Here, take my coffee.

It's got cream in
it, I drink it black.

- Now I'm a caterer.
- Oh, a wise guy.

That's what we've got,
an Army of comedians.

Will you please leave? We
don't allow soliciting in here.

I beg your pardon, I'm not
a solicitor, I'm a customer.

- Well, what do you want?
- A dime for a cup of coffee.

Don't you see the sign on
the wall there? No credit.

They don't deserve it.

I wouldn't eat here not
even if he asked me.

What are you waiting for?

A dime for a cup of
coffee... oh let go off me.

You're going to reckon
with me some day.

Remember, you may
forget this incident,

but Chester J. Hilton won't.

Remember, someday, maybe
not today, maybe not tomorrow,

but someday you'll have to
reckon with Chester J. Hilton.

Remember that
name. All right, out.

Boy, they drifting off the
street like that all day long.

You get them, now all I gotta do
is remember the name Chester. J...

- What's the matter, Sarge?
- Get him!

Get him! Chester J. Hilton
is the first link in our chain.

- Get him, move.
- I don't want...

Release me, you Cossacks.

Is this the way your
Army fights, 3 against 1?

Chester, we don't want to
fight, we want to be your friend.

I don't make
friends with nobody.

It will cost you a dime
for a cup of coffee.

Look, you'll get thousands of
dollars in time, we want to talk to you.

- Not without my coffee.
- How?

Not without my dime.

Do I smell something
burning in your kitchen?

You do?

Yes, you'd better... just
take it easy, Mr. Hilton.

Sorry, Mr. Alexander
Graham Bell,

you now have a ten
cent share in our hotel.

There was nothing burning.

Oh, it's must have been the marvelous
aroma of you coffee that I smelt.

There's your
dime, get him a cup.

I'll tell you how
I'd like that cup.

- Tell her.
- I would like to have it black.

Sarge, how come
you're treating that

panhandler like a millionaire?

Because he's gonna be one,
as a matter of fact we all are.

- Yeah, from what?
- From what?

From the Grove
City Hilton hotel.

But, Ernie, you can't
get away with that.

Why not? We've got a
hotel, we've got a Hilton.

- Sarge.
- Come right in, Mr. Hilton.

- You can call me Chester.
- Well, I'd rather call you Mr. Hilton.

That is your name, isn't it?

How dare you doubt me.

Why, my great grandfather
was Lord Quincy Hilton

of her majesty's 3rd fleet,

and I'm Chester J.
Hilton, heir apparent.

And if you don't
believe me there it is

tattooed right on my arm.

He's right, there it is, Chester
J. Hilton right under the snake.

You don't happen to be related
to Conrad Hilton the hotel man?

That innkeeper.
You insult me, Sir.

Excuse me, look, I was
just wondering, Mr. Hilton,

how would you like to make a
reasonable amount of money

lending your name to
a commercial project?

You can't be serious.

We Hiltons have
never been in trade.

Oh, I dreaded the day
when I would have to bow

to crass commercialism,
but, as Lord Calvert said,

what's your proposition?

Ha ha, perfect, perfect.

Beautiful, gentlemen, in a
few minutes the doors will open

and the world will
feast their eyes

on the fabulously, filthy
Grove City Hilton Hotel.

Boy, I hope your
plan works fast, Ernie.

I hate to stay in
this joint overnight.

Don't worry, pal,
bad news travels fast.

The minute that Hilton
hears about this garbage pit.

They'll have one of
his representatives

down here to buy us out.

They never let this dump ruin
the reputation of their hotels.

Which reminds me I
better alert the staff,

and give them my
last minute instructions.

All right staff, staff!

All right, will you move it?

(barking orders) On
the double, all right.

Now, gentlemen, you
are all members of the staff

of the Grove City Hilton Hotel.

Now remember, there's
one thing I demand.

I demand this from my staff,

rudeness and discourtesy
to the customers.

Now, you understand that?

Fender, you're the
doorman. Go outside.

What for? There's no door.

I want complaints from the
customers, not you, move it.

All right now, let me
see, who is my maître de?

I am, Sarge.

We'll have this
place sold in an hour.

Now, your station is
the dining room, right?

With our food
and you to serve it

Hilton, will double the price.

Move it. All right now, oh
Marie, come here, baby.

Sarge, do I have to be the maid?

Gomez, don't you understand?
When they wake up in the morning

and you come in
to change the beds,

they'll run out of here
screaming in terror.

Move it. Bell hops...

Sarge, it isn't fair,
we're the smallest,

do we have to carry
those heavy bags?

Look, if I catch you carrying
one bag, I'll carry out of here.

You understand?
Now, what do you say

when a customer
asks you to lift the bag?

- You got arms, use 'em.
- You are the bell captain.

Hey, Sarge, there's
a car pulling up.

Our first customers.

Get to your stations, you know
what to do, move it, move it.

Ah, good afternoon, folks!

Welcome to the
Grove City Hilton Hotel.

Are you sure this
is a Hilton Hotel?

Yes, I knew our
décor would thrill you.

As a matter of fact, our
architects tried to capture

the excitement
of old Grove City.

I see you're looking at
the webs, madam, oh yes.

We flew in spiders
over a month ago

to start their spinning.
- Spiders?

Oh, don't be alarmed, if one
gets on you just call room service,

and they'll... oh,
is that one there?

How long do you folks
intend to stay with us?

Well, I don't know.

You see, we've been
travelling across the country,

and we've been stopping
at Hilton Hotels all the way

and I must say they've
been very very good.

But this is rather unusual.

Now let me I assure you,
Sir, that this is a Hilton Hotel.

Now, if you'll just come
over to the register, please.

Dear, maybe you ought
to go right on through,

and stay at the Beverly Hilton.

I just can't drive another mile.

All right, you got a pen?

- No, have you?
- Yes, I have.

Good, I'll call the bell
captain to get you registered.

Run! Look out!
Isn't that charming?

That's the original
plaster, you know.

You folks got any
luggage? Yes it's in the car.

Well, you better go out and
get it, you don't wanna be

getting dressed in
the car all the time.

I don't understand this at all.

Mr. Hilton personally
picked the help himself.

You have a double room?

Oh yes, the old Palomino
room, it's very quaint,

it used to be the stable.

Oh, and you had it remodeled?

No, it's still a stable, we
just put in the double bed.

I'll call Marie to have
the room service.

Marie, oh watch it.
That is a lot of fun.

Oui, monsieur.

Marie, would you make
up the old Palomino room?

Never mind. Dear, I don't
care how tired you are,

- I'm not staying here.
- You're perfectly right.

This place is a disgrace.

And believe me, I'm
going to write to the

main Hilton office about it.

- Good heavens, don't write - wire!
- We certainly are.

I'll have to search
your bag for a towel.

How dare you!
Believe me, Mr. Hilton

is going to hear about this.

In no uncertain terms.

Our first dissatisfied
customers.

- 3 more coming, Sarge.
- 3 more, watch it everybody.

Good heavens, they haven't
changed this hotel since I was a boy.

How do you do, folks?

Welcome to the Hilton
Hotel, anything I could...

watch it, that ceiling is likely
to go again any moment.

It is a shaky little thing.

Well, I never
expected the inside

of a Hilton Hotel
to look like this.

Well, this is our new
policy, see, no fancy, no frills

and you save on the bills.

Now what... good heavens,
why are we all standing?

Sit down, folks, be comfortable.

Tell me, what I can do for you?

Oh, it seems to be way in there.

Oh, it's just a matter of...
I'll fix that with a little towel...

Come right this way
and tell me, folks,

what can I do for you all?

We're a committee
from the Grove City PTA,

and every year
we hold a banquet.

Please, madam, say no more,

our banquet facilities
are known the world over.

I'll call our maitre
de Philippe,

and he'll plan, I'm sure, a
most festive evening for you.

Philippe! Oh,
there it goes again.

- Oh, it's great.
- Did you ring?

Yes, Philippe, these good
folks are running a banquet,

and they're asking your assist
them for a festive evening.

Now, you listen to
Philippe, he has catered

to the crown heads of Europe.

Perhaps you read his
book, I Fed Them All.

Take care of the folks,
won't you Philippe?

Well, what do you folks
have in mind? Chicken? Fish?

Oh, I really can't
think of food just now.

Well, why do we bother
our little heads about it?

I'm sure Philippe will
slop around the kitchen

and think of something spicy.

You do that, Philippe.

Really, ladies, perhaps we'd
better go somewhere else.

I think a fresh air picnic
would be much better.

This place is a
disgrace, it could ruin us.

There he is, Mr. Perkins,
that's the man I sold the hotel to.

Mr. Bilko, I demand that
you close this hotel at once

or I will take legal action.

You have no right to
call this a Hilton Hotel.

Just you watch
those accusations.

How dare you put
up the name Hilton?

Because that's the name
of our beloved President.

You're lying, Bilko, I just
left Mr. Hilton in his office.

Sir, I don't know who
you left in your office,

but our beloved President
is sleeping there in the piano,

in the music
room. I'll call him.

Mr. Hilton. Mr. Hilton!

Say, what's all the noise about?

Mr. Hilton, I'm
sorry to disturb you,

I want you to clean
up a legal matter.

Will you show these gentlemen

the tattoo on your
left arm, please?

And there it is, gentleman,
in red, white and blue,

Chester J. Hilton.

And I hope your man
can show the same proof.

I got an eagle on my
chest that flaps it's wing

when I take a deep breath.

- Wanna see it, ladies?
- Ohh.

How about a dime
for a cup of coffee?

Mr. Hilton, please,
some other time.

- I see your game now, Bilko.
- Do you?

All right, how much
to buy you out.

Well, it's hard to put a
monetary value on a hotel

that I have such a deep
sentimental feeling for.

Well, try.

$10,000?

I'll give you $5,000.

Mr. Perkins, you just
bought yourself a hotel

and you don't even
have to change the name.

Well, will you gentlemen
come to my office?

I have all the
papers there to sign.

Splendid! Paparelli,
boys, come here, quickly.

We just closed the
deal, everything is all set.

You close up the hotel.

Lets... where's the President?

Where's our President? Chester,
Chester, come on, come on.

How about a dime
for a cup of coffee?

Oh, come on, out, out!

If you will sign this, Bilko, I
will give you a check for $5,000.

Splendid, splendid.
Ernest G. Bilko.

There you are.

- Now, if Mr. Hilton will sign.
- Sign it, Chester.

Say, how much do I
get out of this, Bilko?

Half, $2,500, think of
that in terms of dimes.

Sign it, Chester.

You know, I was just
beginning to like this hotel game.

Look, you've worked hard enough,

it's time to retire,
sign Chester, sign.

How can a man think with those
fire engines clanging in his ear?

I'll close the window, Chester.

Fire engines... Paparelli,
Zimmerman, sign Chester, quick, sign.

Say, maybe I could
start a chain of...

Oh, never mind
later, sign, sign now.

Sarge, can we speak
to you a minute?

Sign, Chester, sign, later.

We'll have the barbeque
celebration later, sign, sign!

Mr. Sherman, Mr. Sherman, the
Grove City Hotel just burned down.

What?

We just lit a match to
see how the gas jet works.

I know, and the wind shifted.

Well, Mr. Perkins, I don't think
we'll have to sign anything now.

They're out of
the hotel business.

It's the scorched earth policy.

It beat Napoleon,
now it beat me.

Oh, just a moment, Bilko.

My company
doesn't like to profit

by other people's misfortunes.

We will pay you back
exactly what you paid

for the Grove City Hotel,
provided that you will sign a waiver

relinquishing all rights to
the property and the name.

I'll sign it before
they burn it. I'll sign.

- That'll be 30 cents, please.
- Here you are.

Sarge, that's Ritzik's money.

Oh, shut up, he'll
still get $299.70 cents.

We deserve 30 cents
commission, don't we?

Hey, soldier.

Oh, all right, all right,
knock it off, Chester.

There will be no
more dimes for coffee.

Oh, you offend me. I was
about to ask you to join me.

Oh Miss, Corollas all around.

Hey, where did you
get all that money?

A small consideration paid by
Mr. Hilton for changing my name.

Well, I'm glad to see somebody
made something out of this deal.

Well, so long, Chester.

The name's not Chester
anymore, it's Walter.

Walter, well that's nice.

Walter Rockefeller, so long.

Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's cast were:

Irwin Corey as Chester,

Joe E. Ross as Sgt. Ritzik,

Arthur Coen as Leroy Sherman,

House Jameson as Oscar Perkins,

Paula Trueman as the wife,

Frank Thomas Sr. as the husband

and Jane Dulo as the waitress.

Trailers.to: Watch Full HD Movies & TV Shows
Premium Platform