The Phil Silvers Show (1955–1959): Season 4, Episode 14 - Bilko and the Medium - full transcript

(barking orders)

- Mr. Bascom.
- Can I help you?

Yes, I heard your jingle
on the radio this morning.

It's such a catchy little tune.

It keeps running
through my mind.

Now, how does that go?
Oh yes, "Short of cash?

Need some dough? We lend
with a smile, and a ho ho ho!

Money, money, money, money..."

Oh, do you like the jingle?
I wrote it myself, you know.

Like it? I find it inspiring.

I mean, after all, here I am,
and I don't even need money.



Well, won't you sit down, er...

MSgt. Ernest G. Bilko, 16
years of honourable service.

Were you interested
in a loan, Sgt. Bilko?

Preferably not, but you see,
at the moment all my money

is tied up in the United States
Government Saving Bonds.

And I wouldn't
want to cash them in

just when we're pulling out
of this recession so nicely.

So, I did think I'd
make a small loan.

Of course, bonds are
always good collateral.

Well, there you have it again.

You see, the bonds for tax
purposes are not in my name.

So, I wouldn't count
on them as collateral.

I see, now how much
did you wish to borrow?

$500.



Now, for what purpose did
you wish to borrow this money?

Well, it is my intention to open

Grove City's first adult
amusement center.

Where the citizens
can come and pursue

the more aesthetic and
educational diversions.

Oh, that's very interesting.
What do you intend to call it?

Bilko's Pool Room
and Bowling Alley.

A pool room? What's
educational about that?

Well, I myself will
personally conduct classes

in snooker pool and duck pins,

which entitles the
students to 3 points credit

in any recognized
University or College.

Well, Sgt. Bilko, if you
think it has possibilities,

I'm sure we can
negotiate the loan.

Don't think I don't
appreciate that

and I'm personally gonna see

that you have your
own bowling ball.

Before we leave here, Henshaw,

you'll measure his fingers
for the various holes.

Well, now about collateral,
do you have any property?

You mean, like a car?

Oh yes, that would be splendid.

What type of car is it?

It's a 1958 convertible.

Fine, what colour?

It's a lovely olive drab, and
it's such a rugged little car.

I just picked it out...

Hey, Bilko, you got the
Colonel's jeep double parked.

Now, get it out of there.

A jeep, an Army car?

What better collateral

than the United States
Government property?

Get out of here. M.P's! M.P's!

All right. No, no, hold it.

We're leaving, jeez.

I told you, we should
have gone to the bank

at least they have
parking in the rear, out.

What's the sense
of going to the Bank?

They're only gonna
ask for collateral too.

Yeah, and we don't have anything
like a piece of land or a house.

No, we don't.

But wait a minute,
Ritzik has got a house.

Yes, and he also has a
wife living in that house,

and that house is in her name.

Mmh, I'll have to do
something drastic.

I'm gonna turn on the charm.

Let's go over to their house.

But they won't be home, Ernie.

They always go
out Thursday night.

Good, I can use the
time we'll get some gifts

and a fountain pen, come on.

Will you watch where
you're going, Rupert?

Don't you slow up when
you get to a corner?

I told you a million times
to have these brakes fixed.

I hate this car.
It's falling apart.

Why can't we have a decent
car like everybody else?

I'm sick and tired of
riding in this dirty old heap.

This car has nothing.

No, no heater, no seat covers,
and why don't you get a radio?

I got one only I
can't shut it off.

Watch out, Rupert, you
almost hit that woman.

You know why? She
looked just like you.

You'd like to get rid
of me, wouldn't you?

Well believe me, if I go first
I'll come back and haunt you.

Why leave, you're doin' a
pretty good job right now.

That does it, Rupert.
I wanna go home.

Now, you take me
home right this minute.

No, you can't, Madame
Zaboda said it was very important

for us to attend
the séance tonight.

She said there's a good
chance of contacting the spirits.

Look, there's Madame
Zaboda's house.

She must be home, there's
no lights on, come on.

Let all mortals be still

so the voice of the
spirits can be heard.

If you hear me, oh spirits,
then give us your sign, if it is yes,

knock twice.

- Walter, did you hear that?
- Yes, Martha.

Identify yourself, oh spirit.

It's Mr. and Mrs.
Ritzik. Can we come in?

It's my Grandmother.

Come in, you've disturbed
the spiritual vibrations.

Oh, I'm sorry. Are
there spirits in the room?

- I didn't mean to scare 'em.
- Quiet!

We're just about
to make contact.

Will you please place
your hands upon the table

so that your fingertips
touch the hand next to you?

It's the first time you've
held my hand in 8 years.

Shh, she's making
contact. You'll disconnect us.

Mmh, I feel the presence
of immortal beings.

If you're in this circle
give us your sign.

Ooh, ooh, there's someone here.

I don't see anyone.

That's how you
know they're here.

Wait, I feel the
spirit of a man,

a man who left us
many years ago,

He's trying to contact
an earthly being.

Is it someone in this room
you are trying to contact?

It's for me! It's
for me! I'll take it.

Is it Rupert Ritzik
you are seeking?

We have made contact, Mr. Ritzik,
the spirits have favoured you,

you may communicate.

Is that you, Grandpa?

How's Grandma?

Don't you got any manners?
Introduce me to your Grandfather.

Oh, Emma, this is my Grandfather.
Grandpa, this is my wife, Emma.

How do you do, Grandpa?

Rupert told me all about
you, but just the other day...

Oh shut up Emma,
he hasn't got all night.

Grandpa, is there
something you wanna tell me?

What? What?

Is your grandson about
to receive a blessing?

Will it be money?

Will it be soon?

Oh, don't give the
money to him, Grandpa.

He'll only lose it to
Bilko. Give me the money.

You have broken the
spell, the séance is over.

Oh, you and your
big mouth, Emma.

Tell him to get
back to the trance,

tell her to ask Grandpa
about the money.

I'm sorry, the spirits have
departed, they shall not return.

That'll be $5 each, please.

Here, and in case
Grandpa calls back,

tell him I'll be here
next Thursday.

Who was it? Was there
anything about the money?

No, it's Bilko, for me.
He's on his way over here.

He sounded awfully
sweet on the phone.

He did? Now I know
we're coming into money.

If Bilko is sweet to you,
he must know something.

Oh, stop with the money, Rupert,

those mediums tell
that to everybody.

It's a lot of phony baloney.

Will you shut up, Emma,
Grandpa might be listening.

He heard us, now he's
gonna be mad at us.

Oh, it's just somebody
at the door, answer it.

Western Union for Rupert Ritzik.

A telegram for
me, here. I'll take it.

Oh, don't open it,
don't open it, Rupert.

Telegrams make me nervous.

Well, what does it
say? What does it say?

Well, let me read it.

Ooh, ooh, I won! I won! I won!

What? What did you
win, Rupert? What?

Second prize at the Legion
Post raffle 1,000 bucks.

I knew! I knew it!

Let me see that telegram.

That Madame Zaboda said
we're gonna to come into money,

and you didn't believe it.

Oh, I believe,
Rupert. I believe!

Oh boy, 1,000 bucks.

Oh Rupert this is...
oh, wait a minute.

Bilko's on his way over here.

If he knows we've won $1,000,

we'll never see one
penny of that money.

You're right, here,
eat this telegram.

I'll go get you some water.

Wait a minute,
somebody is coming.

It must be Bilko, burn it.

No, he'll only smell the smoke
and start asking questions.

- You've got to hide it.
- Well, where can I hide it?

Where, where is a
good place to hide it?

In the dictionary,
put it in the dictionary.

- Which one is the dictionary?
- The big, fat one, stupid.

Oh congratulations, Emma,
Rupert, you're a very lucky man.

How did he know? How did I know?

How did I know? Because I
counted the votes, that's how I know.

And congratulations to you,
Emma, you have been crowned.

You are Camp Fremont's
Wife Of The Year.

Wife Of The Year?

Yes, and you can be very happy

for your little homemaker here.

She won on all 3 counts,
intelligence, sensitivity.

And beauty? And cooking.

Congratulations, Emma, the
crown please, there you are.

Long live the Queen.
Long live the Queen.

Just a minute, Bilko, you're
not crowning me for nothing.

You want something.

Nothing, my
dear, nothing at all,

of course if you're too excited,

we'll discuss the
other prizes later out.

Prizes? What prizes?

First we have this lovely matched
set of Swiss cultured pearls.

- Swiss pearls?
- Oh, there's more, there's more my
dear.

Here we have a lovely,
rare Chaunchilla stole.

A Chinchilla stole?

No, my dear, you didn't
Understand... Chaunchilla stole,

it's a much rarer fur.

It takes 7 years alone to raise
enough chaunches for one stole.

Wear it well, like this.

Oh boy, this is our lucky day,
Madame Zaboda was right.

Oh, shut up, Rupert.

- Ah, what else did I win, Bilko?
- Security for life.

A half interest in Bilko's
Pool Room and Bowling Alley.

If you'll just sign this deed
of partnership, my dear,

and you'll be so happy
to secure nothing but...

Oh boy, we won.
Our own bowling alley.

Sign it, Emma, sign it.

Do you mind putting
your hand away, Bilko?

I'd like to see
what I'm signing.

Oh, my dear, it's just
a lot of legal folderol.

Sign, your Majesty, right here.

Wait a minute, Bilko, what's
this between your fingers,

something about our house.

Oh no, it just shows
that you have a house,

so we know where to mail you
the monthly dividend cheques.

This is an
application for a loan,

and you want to use
our house as collateral.

Get out of here, Bilko, and
take your junky prizes with you.

What, she is getting so excited,
- Honey, what is collateral?

Emma, you don't understand.
It's a harmless word.

It comes from the Latin
word, collodium, it means trust.

It's an American word, and it
means crook, now get outta here!

Dear, why don't you
try to understand,

collodium and collateral...

Don't you have a
dictionary in the house?

Well, of course we
have a dictionary here.

What do you think
we are, stupid?

Rupert, what are
you doing, fat head?

Well, I wanna see
what collateral means.

Give me that dictionary, Bilko.

Grab it from him, Rupert.

Hold it, why are you so
excited about a word?

We'll look it up and then
we'll all be convinced now.

Collateral, A, B, C, now
we'll see what collateral...

Dear Sgt. Ritzik, you have
won $1,000 second prize

in the Post Legion raffle.

- $1,000?
- He found the telegram.

He didn't find it, stupid.
You gave it to him!

Man..this is what
I call collateral.

Forget about it, Bilko.

You're not getting one
penny of that money.

She's pushing me, she's pushing
me and I'm doing this for you.

Don't you realize the 3 largest
industries in America are,

chemicals, steel and bowling?

Convince her, Rupert.

Give him the money,
Emma, as long as

he doesn't get our collateral.

He's not gonna get
one penny of that money.

Now, will you get out of here,
Bilko, and let us get some sleep?

Again she's pushing
me, I'm trying to help you.

Don't you...

If you say one more
word about that money

I'm gonna scream.

But, look Emma, all I want...

Yaaaa!! Yaaaa!!

Well, Ernie, what
are we gonna do now?

- What?
- Ernie.

I can't hear him.

I think she punctured
my ear drum.

I'll sue her for the $500.

Give up, Ernie, you'll never
get a nickel out of Emma.

That's right, we've
got to work on Rupert.

If I could only get my hands

on his weak mind
for a few minutes.

Yeah, but when?
By tomorrow morning

Emma will have the
money in a savings bank.

You're right, we've gotta
work on Rupert tonight

while Emma is asleep.
Wife Of The Year...!

Rupert.

Rupert.

- Is that you, Grandpa?
- No, it's not your Grandpa.

- Is it Grandma?
- No, it's me, Ernie Bilko.

Ernie, when did you die?

Will you come
over to the window?

Oh, it's you. When I heard the
knock I thought it was my Grandfather.

Grandfather? I thought
he's been dead for 20 years.

Yeah, but we keep in touch.

- Are you awake?
- Yeah, are you?

I wonder, what do you
mean you keep in touch

with your Grandfather?

Well, I contacted him
in the spirit world tonight,

Madame Zaboda arranged it.

Madame Zaboda?

Yeah, she's the medium
here in Grove City.

She even told Emma and I
that we're coming into money.

She did?

Boy, I'll never doubt what a
medium ever tells me again.

- You won't, huh?
- Nope.

Say, by the way, what did
you wanna talk to me about?

Oh, it's just a mistake, I tapped
on the wrong window, go on.

Go back to sleep
and keep it quiet,

don't start off
this siren again.

What are you looking for, Ernie?

Looking for an old empty
house we can rent for a night.

What's that got to do with
getting money from the Ritziks?

I told you what Rupert said,

he and Emma believe
in the spirit world.

And the spirits told them
That they're gonna get money.

Yeah, it's up to us to see
that the spirits tell them

what do with that money.

- What spirits?
- We spirits.

Sarge, are you
gonna be the medium?

No, they'd know it was me,

they'd know it was
a phony right away.

We've gotta get some
woman to be the medium.

Hey, how about Trixie, the
little usherette at the Bijou.

She's used to
working in the dark.

No, they know her, they'd
recognize her right away.

We've got... how about
that new manicurist

at the Grove City barber shop?

- Flossie?
- She'd be perfect.

I'll talk to her first
thing in the morning.

Now, we've gotta get fittings.

We've gotta get
some white sheets,

a microphone, a lot of gizmos.

Oh, we'll give those Ritziks
a séance they'll never forget.

Why don't you look at me?

Do you have to read
your paper every morning?

I'm not reading the paper.
I'm just not looking at you.

We've gotta go downtown
and pick up that raffle cheque

and get it to the bank.

- Who is it?
- It's me, Ernie.

You see how desperate
he is for that money?

I'll bet he was sleeping
out on our porch all night.

Good morning, Rupert,
good morning, Emma.

I hate to disturb you
lovebirds so early.

But this is very important.

Was anybody here looking for me?

- For you? No.
- I knew it, I knew it.

It was a phony and yet
last night when she told me

I believed it.

- Who told you what?
- Madame Flossie?

- Is she a medium?
- Is she a medium?

She's the best, in the trade they
call her the mediums' medium.

- Well, what did she tell you?
- It wasn't what she told me.

It was what it told
me, and it told me

I would receive good
news at the home of a friend.

Can I ask you, here I
am at the home of a friend

and nothing is...

Knock, Knock!!

Heavens, could it be? Come in.

Sarge, Sarge, we were
looking all over camp for you.

Special delivery
letter, just arrived.

Special delivery, oh, it's
probably just a bill of some kind.

Who would want... this
is a cheque for $500.

- $500?
- There's a note with this.

Dear soldier, this is to thank
you for returning our lost dog.

I'll always be grateful, signed

Harold J. MacMillan,
owner of Lassie.

Lassie?

Who would have thought
that stray Collie was Lassie?

- She was right.
- Who was right?

Madame Flossie, she said
good news at the home of a friend.

That's right and I
didn't believe her.

Now I know why she's known

as the First Lady
of the spirit world.

Believe me, I'm going
back to that séance tonight.

Hey, Bilko, could
we go with you?

Well, I don't know.
Do you believe?

- Oh, we believe.
- We believe!

They believe.

I'll call Madame Flossie
and set up 2 more chairs

at the table, out.

Oh, this is it.

Come on, let's get going.

I told the Ritziks to
be here at 8 o'clock.

- We're all set, Ernie.
- Where's Flossie?

She's supposed to be in costume.

Flossie, Flossie!
You're on in 5 minutes!

Oh, really Bilko,
this is ridiculous.

I've got a beautiful red
sequin dress at home.

Why do I have to
wear these curtains?

Because you are Flossie,
Queen of the medium world.

Do you understand?
That must be them.

Get behind the curtain.

Hensh, back, under
the table, quick, quick.

Hensh, take care of the lights.

Come in, come in.

Hi, Bilko, we late?

No, no. I just got here myself.

Are you the first one here?

Well, the first live one.

Well, let's get started,
I feel that something

wonderfully horrible is
gonna to happen tonight.

Oh, wait just a moment,
we brought 2 friends along.

- Friends?
- Yeah.

Madame Zaboda and Mr. Gregory.

Madame Zaboda the medium?

Yes, when Madame Zaboda heard
there was another medium in town,

she insisted on coming with us.

- No, we didn't make prep...
- This is Madame Zaboda.

How do you do? I'm very
anxious to meet Madame Flossie.

Well, I'm very sorry, you see.

Madame Flossie only
expected 6 here tonight.

That is 3 of us
and 3 of them, so...

Nonsense, a true medium
is not hindered by numbers.

No, I mean it's some matter
of professional courtesy.

I mean, you being a medium
and her being a medium

she's apt to be nervous.

I mean, I understand
that Guy Lombardo

never plays when
Sammy Kay is in the room.

Just a minute, Madame Zaboda,

if our guest has
to go, we'll go.

All right, but with all
these hands I'm sure

the table will never
get off the ground.

Oh, I have an idea, perhaps
you'd rather come back tomorrow?

The day rates are much cheaper.

Nonsense, we wouldn't
dream of leaving now.

Now, I see. Oh, it's 8 o'clock.

Ooh, there she is.

You can tell just by lookin'
at her, she's the real thing.

Welcome mortals to
the world of beyond.

Oh, I'm all goosey bumps.

Madame Flossie, these
are my friends, Sergeant...

Silence! The spirits
will tell me their names.

They are Emma and Rupert Ritzik.

Amazing, huh, did you
ever meet her before?

Never, cross my heart.

And who are we, Madame Flossie?

The spirit didn't tell me.

I will have to go into a
trance, and wait for a message.

Isn't she wonderful, Madame
Zaboda and Mr. Gregory?

They are Madame
Zaboda and Mr. Gregory.

Wonderful, no wonder they
call her Flossie the Fantastic.

I'm very interested in your
work, Madame Flossie,

for you see I too am a medium.

There will be no séance
tonight. I feel hostile vibrations.

Please, Madame,
please, try, I'm sure

the spirits will reward
you 10 times more.

They will have to
reward me 25 times more.

Well, I'm sure the spirits
will be very co-operative.

Very well, very
well, let us begin.

Will you all place your
hands on the table?

Boy, 2 mediums at one table.

We should get
right through tonight.

Oh, spirits we are
beckoning to you,

You are welcome to this house.

Enter! Enter!

They're here... they're here!

They're sure in a hurry,
they usually knock.

Now, oh spirits, show us
a sign of your friendship

and make this table rise.

Oh look, the table is rising
and all our hands are on it,

isn't it amazing?

It must be from
your family, Emma.

They're sure strong.

Perhaps not so strong
as you think, let us see.

What is that?

The voice of a spirit in pain.

I'm surprised at
you, Mr. Gregory,

after all, you're in
the same business.

I don't blame that spirit if it
leaves this room immediately.

Look, there he
goes, out the door.

Did you see that at the door?

I'm sorry for this interruption.

I hope the spell
hasn't been broken.

Do go on, Madame Flossie.

Oh, spirit, forgive those
who doubt and reappear.

Ooh, I never saw
that one before.

Boy, Madame Flossie
is really hot tonight.

Look, the spirit
is materializing.

I wonder who it is.

She must be your Aunt.
She used to dress like that.

Can we ask the spirit to speak?

Would that be asking you
too much, Madame Flossie?

Speak, oh spirit.

Emma Ritzik, are you there?

Emma, it's for you answer it.

I can't, I'm scared.

Wait, hold it, she'll
be right with you.

Emma, answer it.

This is Emma. Who are you?

Don't you recognize
my voice, Emma?

You have my picture
on your wall at home.

It is your Uncle Herman.

Uncle Herman! But
you only spoke German.

Ya, das is right, Madame Emma.

Uncle Herman, how are you?

Well, I can't kick liebschen.

By der way, congratulation, I
heard you came into some money.

Yes, we won $1,000,
how did you know?

Rupert's Grandpa told me.

It's so nice. They
must have met.

It must be a small
world up there.

Well, tell them what you
did with the money, Emma.

I put it in the bank
Uncle Herman.

Dumbkopf. Why
didn't you invest it?

In what, Uncle?

In one of the der
three great industries,

steel, chemicals and bowling.

Bowling, did I say the
same thing to you Emma?

Uncle Herman, Sgt.
Bilko's got a bowling alley.

Yes Sir, it's a modest little
pool room and bowling alley, Sir.

Ach du lieber, Emma.

Get in on der ground floor, got
der money out of the der bank

and give it to him.

Oh I will, uncle, I will.

No you won't, Mrs. Ritzik.

Don't you see this
whole thing is a fraud?

It's a plot to get your money.

That's a lie, isn't it a lie?
Tell 'em, Uncle Herman.

I'll prove to you
this thing is a hoax.

Just a minute, Sir,
where are you going?

Darling Emma, vould I...

There is your Uncle Herman.

Auf Weidersehn, everbody.

- Bilko.
- I'm just as shocked as you are.

Can you explain this,
Rocco and Henshaw?

I'll explain it, Bilko.
You're after our money

and you had this
whole thing rigged.

Emma, I was doing
it for your own good.

Believe me, your Uncle Herman

would have told
you the same thing,

invest in the bowling
alley, believe me.

Mrs. Ritzik, this is what
you have to be aware of,

charlatans who pretend
to be genuine mediums.

Yes, and we legitimate
mediums suffer

because of imposters like these.

I don't even trust that money
in the bank with Bilko around.

Emma, that hurt. What bank?

Mrs. Ritzik, as a special favour
to you, I will protect your money.

How, Madame Zaboda? How?

I will sleep with it overnight
in my séance room,

and the she spirits will
come to me in a dream

and advise me what
you should do with it.

Oh, Madame Zaboda, would you?

I'll have that money in my
house for you tomorrow night.

Come, let us leave
this place at once.

I'm not only mad at you,
but so's Uncle Herman.

I feel sorry for you, Bilko

You haven't got a
friend in either place.

There you are, Mr. Gregory.

I think the manicurist
is free now.

Oh, miss... I'll get
you a hot towel.

So, you and Madame
Zaboda are leaving Grove City?

Yes, on the midnight plane,

right after we transact
a little business.

Watch that, Miss!

Isn't your leaving
a little sudden?

That's how it is in my business.

These things
occasionally come up.

Excuse me, I forgot my
cuticle scissors, I'll be right back.

Flossie, are you sure?
It was Mr. Gregory, huh?

And they're leaving on
the midnight plane tonight?

Thanks Flossie.
How do you like that?

- I knew those two were crooks.
- Who, Ernie?

Madame Zaboda and that Gregory.

I've got to stop Ritzik from
giving them the money tonight.

I won't stand by and
see my friends taken.

Gee, Ernie, they
really mean a lot to you.

- Don't they?
- Of course they do.

Not only the pool tables,
but the bowling alleys.

I need every cent I
can lay my hand on.

Get in touch with Louis
and Harry the bookmakers.

The bookmakers, how
are they going to help you?

I need men who are
acquainted with police work.

Do what I tell you.

700, 800, 900, 1,000.

- There you are, Madame Zaboda.
- Thank you, Mrs. Ritzik.

I'll sleep on it tonight,
and tomorrow I'll know

what you should
do with your money.

What time should I
pick it up in the morning?

Well, I think we'll be away,
umm, awake by 10:00.

I'm tired, Gregory, I think
we should be running along.

Oh, I'm sorry, I hope
we don't keep you awake.

There's someone at the window.

It's Bilko.

Hey, what'd ya come
to the window for?

Rupert, you've got to
help me, hide me, hide me.

What's the matter, Bilko?

For heaven's sakes
don't ask questions.

Hide me, they're
closing in on me, please.

Who's after you, the MPs?

Oh, if it was only the MPs.

Why, why did she turn me in?

Look, give me the
keys to your car

I can make the
border by tonight.

Who turned you in?

Madame Flossie,
she told the police

about my phony medium racket.

You didn't know this, Emma,
but I have been in it for years.

Oh, Emma, please help me.

Give me your fur coat,
I'll hide in the deep freeze.

Are the police coming here?

Yes, they should have the
house surrounded by now.

But you've got
nothing to worry about,

you're a legitimate medium.

Emma, please, give me a
dress and a pair of high heels,

tell them I'm your Sister.

Open up! We
know you're in there.

Rupert, quick! Fill
up the bath tub.

Give me a straw, I can stay
underwater that way for hours.

Help me, help me.

Don't shoot. Don't shoot!

All right, don't give
us any trouble, Bilko.

You just better
come along quietly.

I'm glad it's all over with,
maybe now I can sleep at night.

Yeah, you'll sleep all
right for about 10 years.

- 10 years?
- 10 years?

Isn't that a little extreme for
just being a crooked medium?

Well, that's the
law in this state

ever since the
Senator's wife was taken.

Well, don't let that stop you

and the wonderful
work you're doing.

Oh, this is Madame
Zaboda and Mr. Gregory.

Don't blame them,
they're legitimate mediums.

Oh, is that right?

Oh yeah, we gave them $1,000.
That's how much we trust them.

- 1,000?
- Wait, I'm getting a message.

Quiet everyone, she's
getting a message.

Gregory, give them
back their money.

What should we do
with it, Madame Zaboda?

The spirits say buy Government
Bonds, come Gregory, I'm tired.

Let's go home.

So long, I'll see
you next Thursday.

I wouldn't bet on
that if I were you,

pal, they're gonna
do a lot of travelling.

- What do you mean?
- What do I mean?

They're phony mediums.

If they were legitimate mediums

you think they'd run
outta here like that?

- You need us anymore, Bilko?
- Thanks, boys.

- You did a great job.
- Ah, it was a cinch.

We just do what the
cops do to us every week.

Do you mean to tell me
that they weren't real cops?

Of course not, I had to
resort to these methods

to bring you to your senses.

They would have taken
you for every penny you got.

Emma, Bilko saved all our money.

The least we can do is loan
him $500 for his bowling alley.

You're right. That's
the least we can do.

- No I can't, I can't.
- Here take it, take it Bilko.

- You deserve it.
- Thanks, I'm all choked up.

Gee, Bilko, you're the
best pal we ever had.

- You certainly are.
- So long, Bilko.

Yeah. So long.

Gee, Emma, I'm glad
you gave him that money.

You know, we had him
wrong for all these years.

I think we did have him wrong.

Here's your money, Emma.

- I just got a message.
- From whom?

Uncle Herman, he says
Schveetheart buy Government Bonds.

Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's cast were:

Joe E. Ross as Sgt. Ritzik.

Beatrice Pons as Mrs. Ritzik.

Charlotte Rae as Flossie.

Jorie Remus as Madame Zaboda.

Kirby Smith as Gregory and
Fred Stewart as Mr. Bascom.

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