The Phil Silvers Show (1955–1959): Season 4, Episode 10 - Bilko and the Chaplain - full transcript

(barking orders)

This is Camp
Fremont in California,

a military installation manned by
some 10,000 American soldiers,

and located approximately 100
miles southeast of San Francisco.

Frisco, as it is
affectionately known,

is a great town for servicemen.

It has everything, wonderful
restaurants, beautiful girls.

No wonder the average
serviceman heads here,

whenever he gets a weekend pass.

But the story I'm
about to tell you,

doesn't concern an average
serviceman, far from it.



It concerns a certain
Sergeant named Ernie Bilko.

And how he came to spend
this particular Saturday night

in San Francisco.

Then little red
riding hood said,

"Grandmother, what
big teeth you have."

"The better to eat you with,"
said the wolf, and eat her he did.

Unbelievable, isn't it?

And how does our
playboy in khaki

come to be reading
fairy tales to children?

I suppose it all started the
week before when Bilko...

Hey, Roc, is the Sarge back yet?

Not yet, Hensh.
He's 2 hours overdue.

The Colonel has
been asking about him.

He called me from San Francisco.



- Oh, yeah, what did he say?
- I don't know.

We had a bad connection,
everything he said sounded like

Wow! Wow! Wow!

Hey, fellas, he's back.
The Sarge is back.

Oh, yeah.

- Hey, Ernie.
- Hi, Ernie.

- How was San Francisco?
- Wow, wow.

You met a girl, huh Sarge?

Wow! Wow, wow.

- Tell us all about it, Sarge.
- What was she like, Sarge?

- Come on, Sarge give.
- Wow, wow.

Will you lay off him?

Can't you see he's
in no condition to talk?

This hits him once
every couple of months.

- What's he suffering from?
- Ecstasy.

How's he doing?
He'll be all right.

Boy, I haven't seen him this bad

since Rhonda the
redhead from Chicago.

How do you feel now, Sarge?

I'll be all right, Roc, thanks.

- I shouldn't have done it.
- Done what?

As I got out of the jeep, I
looked at her picture again,

and it started me all over.

- Let's see it, Ernie.
- Yeah, don't let me see it.

One look at her and my
blood'll start pulsating again.

Wow.

She's a knockout, Ernie,
where did you meet her?

In a night club, 10 mins after
we met we were holding hands.

Hit it off just like that.

Within an hour I knew
she was my kind of a girl.

What did she do
pick up the cheque?

I didn't hear that, Henshaw.

I'm not gonna forget
it, but I didn't hear it.

Mamma Mia! She's gorgeous.

All right, all right, already.

This picture don't
even do her justice.

Yeah?

This picture, don't show
how soft and fluffy she is.

How maddening is the
scent of her perfume.

And when she kisses me
it's like a 1,000 tom toms

pounding in my chest,
and my blood starts...

I've gotta go back and see her.

- Ernie, it take easy.
- You just got back.

No, no she can't
live without me.

Ernie, she'll still
be there in 2 weeks.

In 2 weeks she's
liable to forget me.

Sarge!

Another pass, Bilko?

Sir, it's very urgent that I get

to San Francisco
this weekend, Sir.

I'm surprised to
see you so soon,

you usually wait
till you're unpacking.

Please, Sir, no jokes I know
you're trying to ease my pain, Sir.

- But...
- Well, who is it this time?

My aunt Martha, she's
an aunt on my father's side,

once removed.

Bilko, I remember her, and
once removed is enough.

I don't understand, Sir.

Bilko, she was buried
last year in Milwaukee

during the World Series.

Oh no, Sir, that was my Auntie
Mildred on my mother's side.

- Absolutely no leave, Bilko.
- But, Sir, you just trying...

Bilko, when will you
get it through your head,

that this is a
military installation,

not a place to change your
shirt between night clubs.

Sir, I didn't intend...

I won't have you
traipsing all over California.

We've got work to do here.

This is the Army, Bilko,
we need sleep-in help.

But, Sir, before you make
your final decision, Sir,

think of my Aunt
Martha lying there

on a bed of pain
waiting to say...

At the risk of
seeming hardhearted,

why don't you just call
her up, and say goodbye.

That's it, Sir, she
has no telephone,

and she's much too
weak to keep running down

to the candy store, Sir.

Bilko, get out of here.

But, Sir, perhaps next weekend
if she doesn't have a relapse,

we could reopen it...
- Out! Out!

- Out!
- All right, Sir.

- Hello, Bilko.
- Ah.

What's the matter
with Bilko, Sir?

It's his Aunt Martha.

Aunt Martha? Isn't she the one

who was buried in
Milwaukee last year?

That's right, and
evidently it upset her

because she's sick again.

Oh, this just came in
by officer courier, Sir.

It seems that they're
having a reception

for some Pentagon brass
in San Francisco, next week.

And the 6 Army headquarters
wants each installation

in the area represented
by a platoon.

- I see.
- Any suggestions, Sir?

- Any platoon but Bilko's.
- Yes, Sir.

- As a matter of fact, give me that.
- Yes, Sir.

And not a word
of this to anybody.

If Bilko finds out
we're picking a platoon

to go to San Francisco, it'll
be more than his Aunt Martha.

- It will be a family epidemic.
- You're quite right, Sir.

Since it's a choice assignment,

why don't we pick the
platoon by the merit system.

Good idea.

We'll send the platoon that gets

the highest work
record for this week.

I see, and then in
that way of course...

Exactly, Bilko won't
have a ghost of a chance.

Oh, Sherry... Sherry.

Hensh, did you
ever see such a doll?

Yes, you've asked me
that 15 times already.

Well, tell me again.

She's beautiful, she's gorgeous.

What's that, you're ogling
her? I won't have you ogling her.

Take it easy, Ernie,
you're driving yourself batty.

I can't help it. I can't
get her out of my mind.

Come on, Ernie, now take it easy.
Come sit over here, hey Sarge?

Look, Ernie, you got to do
something to get your mind off her.

How about a little
game of poker?

Are you nuts? In my condition
even Ritzik would beat me.

I'm telling you, I'm
going out of my mind.

Well, there's only one
solution then, hard work.

You're going out
of your mind too.

Look, Sarge, if you keep
yourself busy enough

you won't have time
to think about her.

You mean like
occupational therapy?

Yeah, something like that.

Hey, maybe that's
the answer. That's it.

I'll keep myself
busy I will work.

I'll get that
platoon into shape.

I'll get that motor
pool spanking clean,

that's it, let’s get
clanking right now.

Wait a minute, wait a
minute, it's 12 midnight,

can't you wait until
tomorrow morning?

No, I gotta keep
busy every minute.

I'm gonna wake those
creeps up, come on.

Come on, boys.

All right, rise and
shine, you goldbricks.

On your toes move
it, hubba, hubba.

- What happened?
- What happened?

- Is it an air raid?
- Who said air raid?

My helmet, I can't
find my helmet.

Where do we hide, Bilko?

All right, fall in line, look
alive everybody, come on.

All right, now hear
this, and hear this good.

The picnic is over,
you've been goofing off

pretty good around here, but from
now on it's work, work, work, work.

I feel better already.

Is that all you woke
us up to tell us?

You couldn't wait till
we get up tomorrow?

Oh hold it! I'll
have no back talk.

These 2 are the ring
leaders, they spoke first,

get me those 2 names.

Now get this, and get it right.

From now on I want these
barracks kept spanking clean.

I want your nose
to the grindstone.

I want work in the motor pool.

Mullen, Mullen, when I'm
talking, open your eyes.

I don't listen with my eyes.

Put that down. Another
back talker, Mullen.

All right, honeymoon is
over. Its work, work, work.

- Dismissed.
- What's going on?

That was the answer,
that's it work, work, work.

Be sure to get me
up by 11 o'clock.

- Oh, boy, my feet are killing me.
- Oh, mine too.

Hold it, hold it, will you?
I just washed the floor.

That Bilko must be
bucking for a section 8.

I don't see why you
fellows are griping,

I haven't felt as fit in years.

All right, what is
this, a hen party?

Lay off will you, Sarge? We
just came off the drill field.

It's 2 o'clock, aren't you
supposed to be at the rifle range?

What you are doing, get
out of here, on the double.

Move it! And
Doberman, over here.

I want you to get a pail
with soap and water,

and go over those walls
and make them spotless clean

But Sarge, I...

Oh, don't worry
if you're careful

none of the water
will get on you.

- Move it.
- How're you doing, Ernie?

Oh great, I haven't
thought about her

in 17 hours and 20 minutes.
- Good.

Now that I'm cured, where
did you hide the picture?

- Are you sure you're all right?
- Oh perfect.

You know as a matter of fact,

I've forgotten
what she looks like.

You know what they
say, out of sight...

Wow, wow, wow.

He's having a relapse.

- Leave me alone.
- Sarge, get hold of yourself now.

Will you please...
Gimme that, it's mine.

If you put one fingerprint
on that girl, I'm warning you.

- Sarge, Sarge, work hard work.
- It's the only answer.

Hard work, that's it.
Thanks, fellows, hard work.

What are you standing around
here? Didn't I give you an order?

Didn't I order you
to wash these floors?

Why aren't they clean?

They are clean, Sarge.

Why you got all these
papers all over the floor?

I put them down
to protect the floor.

Well, give me today's papers,
what is this, a flop house? Move it.

Doberman, didn't I give you
an order to do some work?

Yes, Sarge, but can I rest a
while? My shoes are hurting me.

Don't bother me,
see your blacksmith.

Shoes is... I want work, work.

Sarge, I just cleaned up the
grease pit at the motor pool.

Oh swell, what do you
want, a medal, Zimmerman?

- Sarge, I'm Paparelli.
- All right, work, work, work.

Rocco, Henshaw, get me
to my room I'm exhausted.

- Are you sure, Barker?
- There's no doubt about it, Sir.

Bilko's platoon turned in
the highest efficiency rating

in camp this week.

- I thought it was a mirage.
- What's that, Sir?

I saw them on the drill field,
and I thought it was a mirage.

I guess Bilko's platoon goes
to San Francisco after all.

I'm not surprised,
I half expected it.

But why, Sir? We
were the only ones

who knew about the San
Francisco assignment.

How did Bilko find out?

I don't know, how does
he find out anything?

For all we know, the chief
of staff never makes a move

without consulting Bilko.

Shall I give the order, Sir?

You might as well.

- Good afternoon, Sir.
- Right on time, eh Bilko?

Oh no, not exactly, Sir, I
expected to have this estimate

on your desk this morning, Sir.

Relax, Bilko. You've won.

- Won what, Sir?
- I wasn't born yesterday.

You know as well as I
do that you and your men

are going to San Francisco.

We're going to San Francisco?

My boy, you'd never
make a living as an actor.

San Francisco this weekend?

Tell me, Bilko, Barker and I

were the only ones
that knew about it.

The message itself
is locked in my desk.

You can tell me. How
did you find out about it?

- Find out what, Sir?
- Never mind, Bilko.

I understand. It's like asking
a man who's committed

the perfect crime to
spoil it with a confession.

- Sir, I don't really understand.
- Dismissed.

Thank you, Sir. San Francisco!

- Well, Sir, that's that.
- We can't give up, Barker.

If Bilko went to
all of that trouble

he's got something big
brewing in San Francisco.

- But what can we do, Sir?
- We've got to do something.

We just can't abandon the
2nd largest city in California.

Of course not, Sir.

For what it's worth,
we've got to send an officer

to San Francisco with Bilko.

Good idea, Sir,
I'll call a meeting,

and we'll ask for volunteers.

No, we can't take that chance.

We've got to have an
officer that is strong, and alert,

and wise to all of
Bilko's maneuvers.

I'd go, but my wife has something
planned for this weekend.

Whom can we send, Sir?

In this whole camp
there must be one officer,

who can put a
crimp in Bilko's style.

Busy Colonel.
Not at all, Chaplin.

- Come in.
- Thank you.

We were just talking about
you, Padre, weren't we, Barker?

Oh yes, indeed.

Chaplain, would you like to go
to San Francisco this weekend?

Well, yes, as a matter of fact,

I've been doing
some work up there

on a servicemen's
children’s center.

But I imagine you had
something more specific in mind.

Well, yes, one of my men
will be there this weekend.

And I think he could use your
help in resisting temptation.

- Will you go?
- Gladly.

It'll be good seeing
Sgt. Bilko again.

48 hrs in San Francisco. Wow!

46 hours, 2 hours
for the parade.

You want to send the
telegram now, Sarge?

Oh yeah, take this down.

Let me see... write,

you know where to send it.
- Yeah.

"Dearest Sherry, I'm on my way,

let's make tonight
a night to remember.

All my love" and then sign it...

What?

I'll sign it myself.

- Right, Roc, send that over.
- Okay... dimples.

Rocco, I asked you to
send it, not to broadcast it.

- I'm sorry, Sarge.
- Move it. Nosy, nosy.

- That's enough, turn it out.
- Right.

The boys are ready
to leave, Sarge.

So we're all set. Okay,
Hensh, check me out.

- Right, money?
- Got it.

- Sen, sen.
- Got it.

- Arpege perfume.
- Ah, got it.

You're all set.

If I'm lucky, I
won't be back alive.

All right, aside, move.

Mr. Duncan, won't
you reconsider?

Chaplain Donahue has
put in 3 years of hard work

developing this
children's centre.

Padre, I'm very sorry
but business is business.

Well, if it's more rent you
want perhaps we could...

Now listen, Padre... the centre
pays me $2,000 a year rent.

That's quite correct.

Now, if I tear down the
building and put in a parking lot,

I'll gross $20,000 a year easy.

But you know we couldn't
afford anywhere near that amount.

So ipso facto, we
gotta put in a parking lot.

But he signed a 15 year lease.
How can you possibly cancel it?

Strictly legal, believe me.

The lease you signed
has 3 year options

in the landlord's favor.

I never saw that clause.

I don't know how
you could miss it,

it was right
there in fine print.

But the centre has
come to mean so much

to the children of
servicemen in this area.

That may be true, but there
also happens to be in this city

a crying need for parking lots.

- But the children, they need...
- Save your breath, John.

If you gentlemen will excuse
me, I have a business appointment.

Probably on his way to
foreclose an orphanage.

A very shifty and
unscrupulous person.

John, I think we
should fight fire with fire.

But I wouldn't even
know where to begin.

We begin by going
to the Drake Hotel,

and finding Sgt. Bilko.
- I don't understand.

Sgt. Bilko makes Mr. Duncan
look like a choir boy.

Do you think we should
stoop to Duncan's level?

Is the children's
centre a worthy charity?

- Of course.
- Then let me quote the good book.

"When thou doest
alms, let not thy left hand

know what thy right hand doeth."

Sherry, darling, last
week was absolute torture.

And in the torment of my
ecstasy, I wrote this song.

I like to call it, our song.

Sweetheart, do you like it?

- Well?
- Sounds kind of corny to me, Sarge.

Hey, Sarge, what's
with all the rehearsing?

Listen, if I was Cary
Grant I could ad lib this.

- Me, I've got to rehearse.
- Hensh, turn out that light.

Now, tell me, which
profile do you like better,

the left or the right?

I think you better turn
out some more lights.

Thanks, Henshaw,
that's very nice.

It's nice to know, in
this crucial moment,

I've got a jealous
friend to rely on.

Rocco, spray some more
perfume around the room.

Hmm, that's heavenly. Here,
give the couch an extra shpritz.

- What time is it?
- Almost 7:00.

Well come on, out, out.

Now, Rocco, on your way
down stop at room service.

See that they got
everything I ordered.

Check on everything,
come on, out of the door, out.

Come in, said the
spider to the fly...

Good evening, Sgt. Bilko.

Good evening, Padre,
won't you come in?

I heard your platoon was in
San Francisco this weekend,

so I thought I'd look in on you.

- Oh, that was nice of you, Padre.
- I'm not intruding, am I?

No, no, not at all.

What's that scent? It
smells like perfume.

Oh no, no, it's just
an insect spray,

it's like DDT, only more humane.

Are you and the boys
enjoying your weekend?

Now isn't that just like you, Padre,
to be concerned about the boys?

As a matter of fact,
they're all on the 4th floor,

they'd love to see you.

Why don't you drop
down and say hello.

On second thought, why don't
you stay here and freshen up a bit.

You'll find everything you need.

Thank you very much, Bilko,

a little cold water
will be just fine.

Yes, yes, fine.

Noisy bellhops..
Make yourself at home.

- Sherry.
- Hello, Dimples.

Look, look Sherry,
I can't explain now,

but you've got to get
out of here right away.

- What did you say?
- Oh, never mind.

I like this, tell me more.

Oh, I've been waiting
for a week to tell you.

Look, Sherry, listen
to me, you've got to get

out of here right away, wait
for me downstairs in the lobby.

- What?
- Look, before I lose my stripes.

Before I lose my mind,
honey, don't ask questions.

Ernie, do you have
another girl in here?

No, no, my Army Chaplain
dropped in on me unexpected...

what's the matter?

Whoever heard of an Army
Chaplain wearing perfume?

Look, Sherry baby, wait in
the lobby, don't ask questions,

I'll tell you. Honey...

Don't fight now,
honey, it's for our good.

Yes, sonny, I'll see that you
get a liberal tip the next time.

Well now, Bilko, I
feel much better.

Oh, swell. The
boys would love...

On second thought,
you look a little peaked

why don't you take
a little nap, Padre?

Well no, thank you, I
thought that you and I...

Padre, please, these things
happen, try to understand.

- Look, dear...
- Room service.

Oh, yeah, I'll
take care of that.

Oh, I'll get that, Padre.

Ernie, I'm tired of standing
down here in this lobby.

Yes, yes Henshaw.

Look, Henshaw,
baby, cor... Corporal.

Now, if this is your
idea of a big night,

it certainly isn't mine.

I never wanna see you again. Do
you hear me, never, never, never!

Honey, babe.

Bilko, I'm sorry, you had
your evening all planned,

and I seem to have ruined it.

Now I'll never see her
again, she's mad at me.

Such a sweet girl.

Such a darling girl and
she'll never see me again.

She ah... seems to
be in excellent health.

See, she thought I
had another girl up here.

Now she'll never talk to me
again and I can't blame her.

Bilko, I think I can convince
her it was all a mistake.

Oh, would you, Padre? I'd
consider that a great favor.

Of course, Bilko, and
speaking of favors,

there's something
you could do for me.

Well of course, what is it?

I don't know how you'll do
it, and I don't wanna know,

but I'm sure you'll find a way.

Well, what is it, Padre?

Well, it seems my
friend Chaplin Donohue

ran into a scheming landlord.

Why, why are we standing here?

Why don't we sit down
at dinner and discuss this?

- Well.
- Be my guest, won't you, Padre?

An excellent idea.

They serve wonderful
food here, I think it'll just...

Ah, what have we here? Squab.

- Let me serve you.
- Bilko?

Sorry, Padre.

Look, lady, you got a penthouse
apartment on the 15th floor

for $100 a month, what
are you complaining about?

Lady, I never said the
building had an elevator.

I'm getting tired of being
persecuted by tenants.

Well, maybe she does have
a point, after all it's 15 floors.

Look, you! Don't tell me how
to run a real estate business.

Assistants like you
are a dime a dozen.

You want to keep eating
steady? Don't butt in.

- All right, Dad.
- Yes, come in.

- Are you Mr. Duncan?
- Yes, I am.

Frank Duncan, the
real estate operator?

That's right, what's
this all about?

Right this way, Sir.

Major General Ernest G. Bilko.

We got here. Let's
get to the point.

I'm head of the Pentagon
land procurement division.

- What can I do for you, General?
- All I have to say is top secret,

we can't have this civilians
poking around, out boy.

Out when you are told out

The rest of you men,
wait in the staff car.

But, General?

Oh, I know what you're gonna
say, why doesn't the Pentagon

do business with a
bigger firm, hogwash!

Give me the small American
businessman every time.

- Dismissed.
- Yes, Sir.

Quickly, out.

All right, Duncan, before
we discuss Army affairs

I must know, are you a
man that can be trusted?

Oh yes, Sir.

Don't wave your
head when you speak,

look me straight in the eye.

We say that you can
tell a man's honesty

by the look in his eyes.

By Jove, I believe
you are honest.

Thank you, Sir.

Duncan, I'm gonna
lay it on the line.

The Pentagon has authorized
me to spend some $15 million

purchasing land in
the San Francisco area.

That's very interesting.

And my problem is simple, I
know nothing about real estate.

Therefore, I must put
myself in the hands

of an honest man who... let
me look at those eyes again.

By Jove, I was right the
first time, you can be trusted.

How can I help you, Sir?

Well, let's get to the
top priority stuff first.

The Army needs a
couple of 100sq acres

for a missile base,
any recommendations?

Well, yes Sir, I think...

Yes Sir, if you step right over
here to the map on the wall.

Here, here's an area that
I think would be perfect.

Splendid, splendid!

However, what's the use of
dreaming, we'll never get it.

- Why not?
- For only $300,000.

- I can try.
- Go do it Duncan, go boy.

Albert, you know the Wilson
ranch down in the desert?

Little Death Valley?

You got a big mouth
just like your mother.

Shut up and buy it, don't
go a cent over $30,000.

Couldn't swing it, eh? I knew
it was too good to be true.

I think I've got a
surprise for you, General.

You did it?

For only $300,000? By
Jove, you're are a good...

Splendid.

I shudder to think of
what would've happened

had I fallen into the hands of
some unscrupulous operator.

I understand that there're
a lot of them around.

And don't think the
Pentagon isn't aware of them.

Only the other day I
heard of a $10 million deal

falling through because
of one single complaint.

- Complaint?
- Yes, this corporal complained

he didn't have enough
heat in his apartment.

And they cancelled and...
oh, incidentally as your tenants,

you do do business
with servicemen.

- Oh yes, yes, I do.
- Good show, good!

I've always been
very fair to them.

I know you have
and I want to see

that you get the full
commission on this deal.

- Dad, the Chaplin's here.
- Oh, tell him to come in.

Mr. Duncan, we just stopped
in to see if you'd reconsider.

The servicemen
really need that center.

Reconsider? Well, there's
nothing to reconsider.

As a matter of fact, I
threw away the old lease.

I made a new lease and
took out all the fine print.

You have?

Well, there's never anything
too good for the serviceman.

- Eh, Gen. Bilko?
- General?

Oh, yes, I believe we've
met, Padre, how are you?

It was some time ago
that we met, wasn't it?

Yes, but it seems
like only yesterday.

Oh, does it? Now,
where was it we met?

Probably at the
Pentagon, eh Padre?

Yes, the Pentagon.
Yes, the Pentagon.

The Adjutant General was there,
we had all missile...(indistinct)

Well, how are you, Padre?
Where are you stationed now?

Camp Fremont.

Oh, splendid, I believe I know
you're a commanding officer,

a Col. Hall?
- Yes.

Tell me, how is old melon head?

While you two were chatting,

I've got Chaplin Donahue's
lease all made up.

And I've cut the rent in
half. If you come with me.

Let me look at those eyes again.

I was right, good show, go, go.

Bilko, I really didn't
expect you to go this far,

but you did swing it.

Rest assured that I'll put
in a good word for you.

- With the Colonel?
- In both places.

Thank you, Padre.

Oh, by the way, Bilko, I
spoke to the young lady.

Sherry? You did? Sherry?

In fact she'll be
waiting for you

in front of the
hotel at 6 o'clock.

6 o'clock! We'll go right to my
suite for a champagne dinner.

And then with the lights dimmed
low and the champagne flowing,

I'll take her in my arms
and I'll crush all over...

Bilko, you may be a General,
but I'm still a Chaplain.

Oh yes. Sir.

Now. you better
hurry, it’s 6 o'clock now.

I'll run, I'll run!

- Sherry.
- Ernie, oh

Ernie, what are you
doing in that uniform?

I didn't have time to change,
I didn't want to be late.

- Honey.
- Oh, I'm glad.

Hi, you boys.

All right, wise guy,
what's with the get up.

- Come on, let’s go.
- What's the matter?

Honey, call the Chaplain.

He'll know what to
do. Wait a second.

All right, now give
it to me once again,

but this time slowly.

Well, it's all quite
simple, Captain.

This man is stationed at Camp
Fremont and I'm his Chaplain.

If you're his Chaplain
where is your identification?

I've already explained that
in my hurry to get here...

Sir, he's a Chaplain,
I can vouch for him.

- You can vouch for him?
- Yes, Sir.

And who are you?
General Lafayette?

A Col. Hall on
the telephone, Sir.

Thank you.

Col. Hall, Capt. Carter,

Provost Marshall's
Office, San Francisco.

I've got a couple
of your men here.

Yeah, one who says he's a
Gen. Bilko and the other is...

Gen. Bilko? What's that?

Who did you say is with him?

Oh no, I'll get
the next plane out.

Bilko's a genius, he's
done the impossible.

What's that, Sir?

He got the Chaplain
thrown in the clink.

Colonel, there's really
no need for you to stay.

I'm sorry, Padre, I've
got to see that Bilko

keeps carrying out my
orders until train time.

Yes, Sir.

At least I've got him behaving
himself for a few hours.

And that's how they got
rid of the wicked witch,

and Prince Charming gave
Snow White a great big kiss.

And so Prince Charming
and Snow White,

lived happily ever after.

Read us another
one, Uncle Ernie.

Yes, please, Uncle Ernie.

Oh come on. I just read.

In a little while children,
first we're all gonna have

some milk and cookies.

- Goody.
- Oh goody, goody gum drops.

And now children, while
Uncle Ernie takes a little rest

Aunt Sherry will serve
the cookies and milk.

- Sherry.
- Please, Uncle Ernie

Not in front of the children.

Oh yes, have a cookie.

Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's cast were:

John Gibson as
the Army Chaplain.

Harold Huber as Mr. Duncan.

Betty Benet as Sherry.

Nick Saunders as Capt. Barker.

Walter Arnold as
Chaplain Donohue.

And Earl Marin as Albert.