The Phil Silvers Show (1955–1959): Season 4, Episode 1 - Gold Fever - full transcript
Bilko gambles on the purchase of an Army surplus crate with undisclosed contents. It contains a hidden map to a gold mine in Grove City, California, which results in the personnel of Ft. Baxter, in its entirety, transferring from Roseville, Kansas to Camp Fremont in California, which has been closed for years.
Trailers.to: Watch Full HD Movies & TV Shows
Premium Platform
Easy, easy with that crate.
Oh, relax will you,
Ernie, it's heavy.
The heavier the better.
Maybe it's a crate of
portable typewriters.
A crate of typewriters
for 25 bucks?
That's the beauty of
an Army surplus auction.
You bid on an unopened crate
you may come up with a treasure!
That's right, remember
that guy last month,
he bid 15 bucks and he
got a case of binoculars.
How about that guy
that bet 60 bucks
and got a crate of paper clips?
You don't understand, that's the
very wild spirit of adventure
that appeals to me.
You gotta think big.
You gotta take chances.
Let's open it up, I think
this time we hit the jack pot.
Take it, take it, take it easy.
It may be a case of watches.
Ah, 10,000 watches
at $10 apiece.
I'm warning you,
you crack one crystal,
it comes out of your share.
There it is, Sarge.
- What is it, Ernie?
- Come on, Sarge, let's see.
It's yours for $5,
no questions asked.
Is it that bad, Sarge?
Come on, Sarge,
let's see, will you?
It's a case of junk.
That's only on top,
underneath it's trash.
That's 25 bucks
out of the window.
- Sarge, look, horseshoes.
- And spurs and reins.
Looks like we bought
a horse's footlocker.
Look, other guys get binoculars.
Other guys bid
and... what's that?
"Property of the Fort
Apache Officers Club
United States, Calvary, 1868."
That's Army surplus?
Sure, and they've been
waiting almost 100 years
for some sucker to
come along and buy it.
Shall we throw it out, Sarge?
What, what, what, throw it out.
What's with this throw it out?
Did the Army throw it out?
- We're gonna sell it.
- Sell it?
Sarge, you couldn't sell
this to a 6 year old kid.
Sure, a 6 year old
kid would be too smart,
but a 40 year old Ritzik,
that's another thing.
Rupert, I won! I won!
What? What did ya win?
4th prize in the
Cowpoke contest.
I won it! I sent in
25 words or less
"why I watch Cowpoke"
and I won 4th prize!
Cowpoke? What's Cowpoke?
That's a new
Western series on TV.
It's on the same time as Maverick,
and Have Gun - Will Travel.
No kidding, the same time.
Now I'll have to get a 3rd set.
Oh boy, you should
have entered this contest,
you would have won 1st prize.
What was the first prize?
Thanksgiving dinner
with Smiley Burnette.
Ooh... I wish I'd
known about it.
What, what did you win?
I don't know, it just
came from the post office.
Let's open it up, boys.
I wonder what's in there.
Ooh, Ooh... look what you won.
Hey, fellas, look at this.
- A cigarette lighter.
- It's out of fluid.
That's no cigarette
lighter, that's a spur.
Oh, a spur, well I don't know.
Oh look, a picture
of a baby elephant.
Baby... That's a buffalo.
I guess I'm just not
the Cowpoke type.
All right, fellas, let's
get this over a pawnshop
see what we can get on it.
Oh, wait a minute, Bilko,
I'll take it off your hands.
- You will?
- Aha.
Well, you can have it for
what it cost me in box tops.
Well, that's fair.
How much was that?
- $50.
- $50 worth of box tops?
Well, I'll give you $25.
Well, I guess I should
take a little loss,
after all, I did
eat the cereals.
Here, here's your $25.
Oh boy, my own Cowpoke outfit.
Gee, I'm gonna hang this
picture right up here in my kitchen.
Why don't you hang it
over the stove, it will give it
that indirect lighting effect
over the gas burner, ah?
Yeah, I wanna get
some hammer and nails.
Hey, don't any of you guys
play with my kit while I'm gone.
Don't play with his
kit while he's gone.
That Ritzik is a pushover.
If all the cowboys were like him
this country would still be
in the hands of the Indians.
I'll put it over the stove.
Hey, wait a minute, Ernie, hold
that picture up to the light a minute.
I think I see something.
What? What do
you see. What, what?
Look, there's a map
under the painting.
Where? Hey, wait a
minute, that's a map.
What is this, a goldmine?
- Goldmine.
- A goldmine!
It's a map of a goldmine!
Why not, this crate hasn't
been opened since 1868.
- What?
- It's a...
Did you I tell, did I tell you
that Army surplus
auction would pay off?
Wait a minute, Sarge, the
picture belongs to Ritzik.
Only for a few minutes, I'll
buy it right back from him.
Give me a towel, quick.
Hurry, here he comes.
- I hope Ritzik don't notice this.
- Ritzik don't notice what?
Oh, we had a little accident,
you should be careful
where you leave the
goulash, things fall in it.
You dropped my
picture in the goulash?
Well, it's all right,
it's nothing doing.
I'm cleaning it off. It
smells beautiful here.
- You ruined my picture.
- You ruined my picture.
You say I ruined
the picture, all right.
So technical about it, here,
here's $5 for the picture.
Gold... gold, gold!
- Ernie, are you sure?
- It all checks.
Look, there's Grove
City above the gold mine.
There's White Horse River.
There's the Laredo Peaks
in the distance, right?
Sarge, we're rich,
we're rich gold, gold!
- Shut up, shh!
- Did somebody say gold?
- I heard the word gold.
- Who said gold?
Oh no, we were just
discussing repainting my room.
Rocco, he wants to
do it in egg shell white
and I was saying — "no we
should do it in gold, gold!"
But, Sarge, do you
have to discuss this
in the middle of the night?
Well, you know how
it is with painters,
they come in at 6
o'clock in the morning.
Well, go get some rest, I'm
sorry to disturb you, fellas.
Go on, get a good night's sleep.
We must discuss this
painting at another time.
Wow, that was a close one.
Yeah. Listen, from
now on that word is out.
But what are we
gonna call it, Ernie?
We've gotta give it a code name.
I got it, we'll refer
to it as potatoes.
Hey, that's smart,
Sarge, potatoes.
Hey, Sarge, when are we
gonna go dig up for the potatoes?
Well, as soon as I can get a 3
day pass, I'm going off to California.
Wait, wait a minute.
What do you mean you?
What about us?
What's with you 2
guys, you don't trust me?
You think I'll keep the
potatoes for myself?
Look, Ernie, we wouldn't care
if these potatoes
were just potatoes.
But these potatoes are gold!
Ssh! Will you keep...
Gold?, I heard you say gold.
- Did you? Did you?
- Yeah, and you know what I think?
What?
I think you should paint
the room salmon pink.
He's right. Dino did it again.
Oh, that Italian
artistic temperament.
Thank you very much,
Paparelli, see you tomorrow.
- Sorry Ernie.
- Watch it.
Now, wait a minute, are we
gonna go to California with you?
- All right the 3 of us will go.
- Good, good Sarge.
Get in your bunks,
get some rest.
Whatever you do,
don't talk in your sleep.
- Ok, Sarge, goodnight.
- Goodnight, Ernie.
California, here I come.
There's potatoes
in them thar hills!
Come on, come on
will you, let's get moving.
Oh, Sarge, take
it easy, will ya!
My back is killing me.
Mine too, why
didn't we get a mule.
No, we're not cutting anyone
else in on this, 3 is enough.
There's the White
Horse River right there.
There is Laredo Peaks,
and Grove City is behind us.
According to the map it should
be right behind those trees.
Come on, let's move!
Sarge, Sarge,
look, an Army post.
An Army post on our gold mine?
- We're cooked.
- No, Ernie, it's deserted.
- It is?
- Yeah.
Look, Sarge, there's a
Sign - Camp Fremont.
- Camp Fremont.
- Hey, isn't that from WWI.
Yeah, but that's been
closed since 1918.
Do you think they
discovered the mine?
Not a chance, if they
had, they'd have dug
the front line
trenches right here.
Then they haven't
discovered it yet.
No, and it's all ours.
We're rich! We're
rich! We're rich!
Potatoes, potatoes.
We've struck potatoes!
Anything wrong?
No, of course
there's nothing wrong.
I thought I heard
you yelling potatoes.
Well you see, my fellow
campers and myself,
we've had nothing but beans
to eat for the past 3 weeks
and now we seem to have
come upon some potatoes.
Potatoes, potatoes.
Our own potatoes.
They're so excited.
You a camper yourself?
We're gonna pitch
our tent right here.
Why don't you pitch your
tent behind the mountains,
I hear there's a
lovely spot there.
No, no, I'm a surveyor.
Oh, a surveyor,
that's very interesting,
what are you surveying for?
The state's gonna put a
super highway through here.
Super... super highway,
does that mean you're gonna
blast the rocks and
dig up the earth?
That's right, in 6 months
there will be thousands of cars
whizzing right over this spot.
Did you hear that,
fellow campers?
They're gonna cut
a road right through
the heart of Mother Nature.
I suppose you care nothing
about the poor displaced animals,
the little chipmunks, the little
squirrels who depend on...
what about the little birdies,
where are they going to
build their nests,
in the toll booths?
I'm sorry... Hey, Joe! We'll
take the line from where you are,
right through Camp Fremont.
Hold on, wait a minute
you can't go through here.
This is Government property.
Not after next week it ain't,
the Army's lease is up and
they're not gonna renew it.
Hold it, suppose the
Army renews that lease.
Then we'd have to go around
and build through the valley.
Well, if I were you, I would
start surveying the valley.
You know how the Army is,
they change their
minds the last minute.
If they're gonna change their
minds, they better work fast.
We start digging next week.
All right Joe, I got it
marked. Happy camping.
How do you like this,
they're gonna build a road.
You know what it'll be? It'll
be our road to the poor house.
Wait a minute, Sarge,
maybe we can get a job
on this road as diggers.
They can't stop us from
taking home the dirt.
What road?
What road? They
wouldn't dare build a road
through one of the Army's
most active installations.
Active? But this is a
broken down camp.
The Army hasn't
used it in 40 years.
Isn't that a pity, it's gonna
cost the Army a fortune
when they have to re-open it.
Who's gonna make
them re-open it?
- Tell him Roc.
- Ernie is?
- Ernie is?
- Ernie is.
Governor Rickles,
how do you do, Sir?
That's Mayor Rickles.
Oh, excuse me, I
was thinking ahead.
I'd like you to meet my staff.
This is my chief
engineer, Mr. Henshaw.
How do you do?
I venture and guess you
have crossed one of his bridges
at some time or another.
This is my construction
head, Mr. Barbella.
You of course have
heard of Boulder Dam.
Oh yes. Pleased to meet you.
We won't go into details.
Do you mind, let's
get down to business.
May I use your
desk, Sir, please?
- The blueprints, Mr. Henshaw.
- Right here, C.B.
As you notice, your Honour,
these blueprints
are self-explanatory.
You notice there is Home Plate.
Plenty of distance
in the outfield
and the power lines
are placed properly.
- 320ft on either side.
- Good, good.
We don't want to run
into the same trouble
the Dodgers had in
Los Angeles, do we?
The Dodgers?
Have you noticed,
these hills here
form a perfect background to
obscure the late afternoon sun?
Mantle has told me himself
personally he doesn't like hitting
with the sun in his eyes.
- Mantle?
- Yes Mickey Mantle.
You've heard of him of
course, Yogi Berra's roommate.
Wonderful boys, you'll
have a lot of fun with them
when you meet them.
- Are they coming here?
- Well yes, didn't you get my wire?
- No.
He didn't get my wire - every
detail I have to work myself.
Then this is all new to you,
I mean, about the big move?
What big move?
Well you know, the trend
in baseball today is to move.
As you well know, the Brooklyn
Dodgers moved to Los Angeles.
The New York Giants moved
to San Francisco and now...
You mean the New York
Yankees are coming here?
The New York Yankees?
The Grove City Yankees!
And on opening day
we've arranged for you to
throw out the first orange,
That'll give it that California
touch, you understand.
Now, when can we start
breaking ground for the stadium?
All this happening to
Grove City, I never dreamed.
Well, Sir, it's a perfect
spot for baseball.
Perfect. All the
crowds will draw here.
But we only have a
population of 2,200.
Oh, those, we'll
let them in free.
It's those soldiers we want.
Those soldiers, those
great baseball fans.
Hey, but what soldiers?
The soldiers of Camp Fremont.
Oh, they love
baseball, those soldiers.
Oh, but there aren't any
soldiers at Camp Fremont.
Oh, I see, they're are
all out on maneuvers?
No, the camp has been
closed for the last 40 years.
Water, water.
What... what did you say?
The camp, it's closed, the
Army's lease has expired.
They're tearing it
down next week.
What did I almost do?
I almost moved the New
Yankees to a ghost town.
Oh, we haven't got
far, we'll get out in time.
They would've beaten me to
death with their baseball bats.
You mean you're not gonna
bring the Yankees here?
Sir, with that camp closed,
I wouldn't bring a
spelling bee here.
Perhaps San Diego
will still be interested.
No, wait, wait a minute,
maybe I can do something.
But you will have to hurry, Sir,
your own words, that
lease is up next week.
How about Fresno?
The Fresno Yankees,
or better the Pasadena Yankees.
Oh, I'll tell you, I'll call our
Senator, our Congressman.
Well, if you want to.
Miss Adams, get me
Congressman Claymore
on the phone in
Washington and hurry, hurry.
Well, Sarge, I
guess that does it.
That's it, that's
just the first step.
Now I've got to go
back to Fort Baxter
and open a second front.
Charles, Charles.
What? What?
Charles, wake up, there's a
Sgt. Bilko outside to see you.
Sgt. Bilko? I don't
know any Bilko.
Charlie, old buddy,
it's me, Ernie.
Hey, you rascal, you
look good Charlie boy.
Hey, what did you
say your name was?
Ernie Bilko?
Ernie Bilko he
said it right out,
it was 40 years ago
and he still remembers.
Oh, Charlie, remember the
song you were always singing,
"We got the Hun on the run
and the Kaiser will be
wiser when we're done."
- Remember those days, Charlie boy?
- Bilko?
Remember how the
French girls used to call me?
"Beeelko, hallo Beeelko."
Look who I'm telling
about the French girls.
Remember that little
dancer at the Moulin...
Good heavens, you
married her, Fifi...
Do you ever hear from the
other girls from the Moulin Rouge?
Oh, those were the days.
My name is Agnes.
- Ooops.
- I didn't know any Fifi.
No, he didn't know any Fifi.
I'll back him up with
my word of honour.
You don't know any Fifi.
Wait a minute, what are
you doing in that uniform?
Charlie, I'm gonna
level with you.
We fought a battle in '17
and now we've got
another battle to fight.
Are we at war?
I didn't read the whole
paper. I fell asleep.
I didn't read the paper either.
Well I did, that's why I
got into this old uniform,
to rouse the old gang.
What happened?
Charlie, they're
gonna tear it down.
- Tear what down?
- Glorious old Camp Fremont.
Camp Fremont, where's that?
In California and in our hearts.
Camp Fremont,
oh, near Grove City.
I knew you'd remember.
You remember those
nights we used to have
around the barracks fire,
and the songs we would sing,
and that young officer who used
to entertain us playing the piano?
What was his name again?
Harry Newman?
Young Harry Truman.
Truman, that was
his name. Oh great.
I was only there for a week.
I was in the infirmary
with the measles.
Yes. But the finest
Medical Corps in the Army
pulled you through
it, didn't they?
And now, Charlie,
the state of California
is tearing down that old camp.
I guess the story's
through with us.
They closed the book on us.
Wait a minute, Ernie,
nobody closed the book on us.
- We ain't licked yet.
- That's it.
That's the old battle
cry of the old 113th.
We ain't licked yet.
We ain't licked yet.
- We ain't licked yet.
- We ain't licked yet.
What do you say, Charlie?
I'll call up all the boys
all over the country
and tell them what
they're trying to do to us.
- Attaboy Charlie.
- I'll tell them to call
their post headquarters,
their legion commanders.
Why, those young
whippersnappers in the Pentagon,
they're gonna hear about this.
Attaboy Charlie, the
Yanks are coming!
You bet, I'd just like to
see them tear down that...
what's the name of that again?
- Camp Fremont.
- Yes, good.
- We ain't licked yet.
- We ain't licked yet.
Here's 500 more telegrams, Sir,
and they all say the same thing.
Don't tell me. "We
ain't licked yet."
- Yes, Sir.
- I don't understand it.
I thought I'd get a promotion
for getting rid
of that old relic.
Suddenly they treat me like
I'm trying to tear down the Alamo.
- Attention.
- You know what these are?
- Protests, Sir?
- That's right.
Protests from veterans,
politicians and Army personnel.
They're angry and
I don't blame them.
Daring to wipe off
the map one of the
Army's most
historic installations,
- Camp Tremont.
- Fremont, Sir.
Well, whatever it is,
I want it re-opened.
"General Walter
Gordon, Camp Fremont.
Grove City, California has
hereby been reactivated.
All post commanders
please notice,
the office of Commandant
of Camp Fremont
is open to volunteers."
- You did it, Ernie.
- Congratulations!
When this came over to the
teletype at the message centre
I couldn't believe it.
- He couldn't believe it.
You believe the 7 Wonders
of the World, don't you?
Why not believe the 8th.
Hey Sarge, as soon
as we get to California
we can start digging for gold!
- Shh.
- Potatoes.
What's your hurry?
We've got to make sure
that the Colonel gets
out there before us.
That's right, Sarge, the Colonel
hasn't seen this message yet.
Shall I take it to him?
What's your hurry? Right now
the message means nothing to him.
Give me a few minutes and
it'll be very important to him.
Come in.
Oh excuse me, Sir,
I hate to bother you,
but may I ask the
Colonel a question?
Well, what is it?
Do you and Mrs. Hall intend
to go in to Roseville tonight, Sir?
Yes, for the Roseville
Junior League Charity Ball.
Oh yes, that's
the big gala affair
of the Roseville social season.
Then you will need this, Sir.
- What is it?
- The bus schedule.
Now, Sir, if you take the 8:05
that will get you into
Roseville at 9:15, Sir.
What are you
talking about Bilko?
I'm not taking a bus,
I'm going in the staff car.
But, Sir, I told you the
fan belt is broken, Sir.
That was 2 weeks ago,
didn't you requisition fan belts?
Oh yes, Sir, at least 10 times.
Well, if the staff car
isn't ready I'll take a jeep.
Oh good... then the
pistons came, Sir?
If you'll give me the pistons
I'll put them in the jeep, Sir.
What pistons? I
didn't get any pistons.
Well, I didn't get any
pistons either, Sir.
But I'm sure it's
just an oversight,
that doesn't mean they're
closing down the camp.
Who said they were
closing down the camp?
All the men are
talking about it.
They've taken up
a pool, a $1 a man,
naming the exact date
they close Fort Baxter.
I refused to join them, Sir.
Nonsense, why would they
wanna close Fort Baxter?
Exactly what I told the
men, when you consider
the important work we're doing
here with rockets and missiles.
We haven't got any
rockets and missiles.
Fort Cullen got that
project, but never mind, Sir,
when I tell them about
the radar installations
they're putting here, Sir...
Fort McAndrew got
the radar installation.
Oh, yes. Then
what did we get, Sir?
We didn't get anything, Bilko,
not even a fan belt or a piston!
Then it's true, they're
closing down Fort Baxter.
Col. Hall, Sir, this message
just came from Washington, Sir.
Thank you.
Oh, makes me warm to
look at him in that coat.
Yes, Corporal, it's
80 degrees outside
why are you wearing
that overcoat?
Oh, well, my shirt didn't come
back from the laundry yet, Sir.
You have only one shirt?
Well, I put in a requisition
for another one, Sir.
- 14 times but...
- 14 times?
It's the piston story
all over again, Sir.
- I'll go and pack.
- Bilko?
My Colonel called?
It's a miracle they're opening
a new camp in California,
and they want a
volunteer who'll take over.
No, oh the Colonel is just
trying to make me feel good.
- No, here it is.
- Camp Fremont.
Camp Fremont, I
wonder where that is?
Hello Cpl. Simpson, get me
General Gordon at the Pentagon.
Bilko, we're
moving to California.
I feel like I've struck gold!
Potatoes, potatoes.
What are we stopping
at this dump for?
I wanna see the new camp.
Me too, this place
gives me the creeps.
No wonder, it's a ghost town.
Hey, Sarge, can I go in
there and take a picture?
I'll tell you what you can do.
You can go in there
and start cleaning up.
This is your new
home, Camp Fremont.
That's Camp Fremont?
I'm not going in there
till I get my shots.
I've seen better
prison camps than this.
Hold it! What is this, a mutiny?
Now you guys are
going to feel pretty silly
if I have to call out the National
Guard to get you in there.
But Sarge.
- Get them in.
- Ten-shun!
How do you do, Sir,
welcome to Camp Fremont.
Plenty of time for that
when we get there, Bilko.
- I'm afraid we're here, Sir.
- Here?
I can't believe it.
There it is, Sir, Camp Fremont.
30 years in the Army
and they make me
the commanding
officer of shanty town.
Well, Sir, I feel that's why
the Pentagon chose you, Sir.
They wanted a builder,
a pioneer who can turn
this wilderness into a garden.
They didn't chose me,
Bilko, I volunteered.
I picked up the phone
and I asked for it.
Sir, I would like the
Colonel's permission
to start digging at once.
Digging for what,
a way out of here?
Sir, what I meant is that I can
dig for fresh water for the men.
Very well, meanwhile,
I'll look for a place
for Mrs. Hall and me to stay.
There must a low
tree here somewhere.
- Let's go.
- He's full of fun today.
All right, everybody,
dig in there, work.
Come on Doberman.
Dig, dig, everybody dig!
Hey, Sarge, can we
stop now? We're dead.
I told you we're gonna
dig until we find a well.
But we struck water 5 times.
Yeah, but that
water had iron in it.
You want your teeth
to get rusty? Dig!
We're not looking for water,
he's got us digging
California's first subway.
Oh shut up, guys, dig.
Now remember one thing,
you guys, if you come across
a metal shining object, don't
touch it, it may be radioactive.
Radioactive? Well,
what do we do, Sarge?
Just clear the area, I don't
want none of you guys in on this.
I mean, I don't want
none of this to get on you.
Don't look at me
dig. Dig, everybody!
- Hey Sarge, look, a potato.
- Potatoes, I'm rich, we did it!
- I'm rich!
- It's just potatoes.
Don't use that word. Dig,
dig, what are you staring at?
Sarge, we ain't
found a thing yet.
I feel we're right close to it.
We're gonna find it. Go
on, get back, go on, dig!
Hey, Ernie, can I speak
to you a minute in private?
Not now Grover, I'm very busy.
It will only take a
minute, it's important.
What is it? What?
Well, it's really nothing.
I was wondering how much
gold costs on the market today?
Well, it's according
to how much it weighs.
Gold? Why did you say
gold? What're you going to do -
sell your wrist
watch or something?
No, I was wondering if
I just discovered gold?
Gold? Here in California?
That's silly.
When those
forty-niners got through,
there wasn't enough gold left
in California to fill your teeth.
Oh yeah? How would you
like to fill your mouth with this?
Oh my... let me touch it.
Get your hands off
it, Bilko, it's mine.
I was sinking a
telephone pole and hit this.
There's a whole vein of
it, and it's mine, all mine.
Of course it's yours.
It's yours and mine, I'm
declaring you in on this.
- We're partners.
- Partners? But I found it.
Shut up! Who got you out here?
Who got them digging?
Who found the map?
Yeah, but I discovered the gold.
Do you know what the
penalty is for poaching?
Are you prepared for a legal
suit for 5 or 6 years, are you?
- No.
- Partners?
- Partners.!-Don't say a
word of this to anybody.
You and me, we'll...
Ooh, Ooh, look what I
found back in my kitchen.
I was digging a garbage pit.
- Gold?
- You're too late Ritzik, it's ours.
Yeah, but I found
it, it's my garbage pit.
What do you mean it's yours?
I brought you
out here, didn't I?
He's right, Rupert,
he brought us out here.
He knew about the gold.
But it's mine, finders keepers.
If the Supreme Court
upholds your decision
of finders keepers
then I'll abide with it.
But until then I will
see you in every court
and then you will
not touch one of them.
Don't be an idiot,
Rupert, come in with us.
- Partners?
- Partners.
- Partners.-Now keep
this among ourselves.
- Shhh.
- Sarge, gold, gold, I found gold!
You want to come in with us,
or you're prepared
for a legal battle?
Hey, Sarge, look
what I found, gold!
- Gold, gold!
- Wait a minute.
All those who found
gold, raise your hands.
- We're all partners.
- Partners?
What do you mean?
What do you think I
got you digging for?
Water.
The water's yours,
the gold's ours.
That's right, yeah.
Thank you very much,
that's the gratitude, huh?
"It's all mine," so
who got you out here?
Who found the map and
brought you out here to California?
And this is the thanks I get?
"It's all mine."
You ought to be
ashamed of yourselves.
- We're sorry, Sarge.
- I should think you would be.
- Are we all partners?
- Yeah.
Listen to me, you
all follow what I say,
we'll be the richest
platoon in the world
and here's what we've gotta do.
First of all, we keep
this to ourselves.
Yeah.
The end of each day's
digging, you bring the gold to me
and after 10 days, or $10,000
worth, whichever comes first,
we divide the gold up equally.
I'm warning you, if I
catch one of you guys
smuggling gold under
his fingernails, look out.
- Attention...
- How do you do, Sir?
I was just talking
to my partners...
er... the platoon,
I was telling them,
keep out of the hot sun,
it's so destructive, Sir.
Did you find any water yet?
A little here and there, Sir,
not enough to fill a glass full.
I was afraid of that.
This spot is very dry, you
won't find anything here
except dust and rocks.
Will you, will you, will you?
And this stuff.
Gold?
Sarge, do we have
to make him a partner?
- Gold, Sir?
- Yes.
- Fool's gold.
- Fool's gold?
It glitters and shines like
gold, but it's worthless.
Worthless?
Well, a ton of it may
bring you a dollar or 2.
You'd be surprised
at the number of men
that have been fooled by it.
Well, carry on.
Fool's gold?
You dragged us all the
way out here for this?
A mountain full of petty cash.
My garbage pit is worth more.
How do you feel now, partner?
Yeah, always dreaming
up these ideas, always.
Yeah, I don't blame
you. Let me have it, good.
I've done it again,
outsmarted myself.
Always scheming,
always conniving.
You think once
I'd play it straight.
Not me, look what I did to us.
I trapped us. I
brought us all out here
from a beautiful camp in Kansas.
And now we're stuck here.
You guys must hate me.
We do, Sarge. We do.
- I don't hate you, Sarge.
- Thanks, Duane.
Why, Sarge, it's
beautiful out here,
we're right in the
middle of everything.
Yeah, yeah.
Now look, look, San
Francisco is over there.
Hollywood is over there
and back there is Las Vegas.
- Wait a minute.
- It's a paradise.
- Yeah.
- And who got you out here?
You did, Sarge.
You did, Sarge and what do you
say, 3 cheers for the old Sarge.
- Hip! Hip!
- Hooray!
- Hip! Hip!
- Hooray, Hooray!
Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's cast were:
Joe E. Ross as Sgt. Ritzik.
Jimmy little as Sgt. Grover.
Jeff Bryant as Mayor Rickles.
Catherine Payne as Mrs. Platt.
Tom Ahern as Mr. Platt.
Frank Schofield as the Surveyor.
Al Sander as Major Blackburn.
And Royal Beal
as General Gordon.
Trailers.to: Watch Full HD Movies & TV Shows
Premium Platform
Premium Platform
Easy, easy with that crate.
Oh, relax will you,
Ernie, it's heavy.
The heavier the better.
Maybe it's a crate of
portable typewriters.
A crate of typewriters
for 25 bucks?
That's the beauty of
an Army surplus auction.
You bid on an unopened crate
you may come up with a treasure!
That's right, remember
that guy last month,
he bid 15 bucks and he
got a case of binoculars.
How about that guy
that bet 60 bucks
and got a crate of paper clips?
You don't understand, that's the
very wild spirit of adventure
that appeals to me.
You gotta think big.
You gotta take chances.
Let's open it up, I think
this time we hit the jack pot.
Take it, take it, take it easy.
It may be a case of watches.
Ah, 10,000 watches
at $10 apiece.
I'm warning you,
you crack one crystal,
it comes out of your share.
There it is, Sarge.
- What is it, Ernie?
- Come on, Sarge, let's see.
It's yours for $5,
no questions asked.
Is it that bad, Sarge?
Come on, Sarge,
let's see, will you?
It's a case of junk.
That's only on top,
underneath it's trash.
That's 25 bucks
out of the window.
- Sarge, look, horseshoes.
- And spurs and reins.
Looks like we bought
a horse's footlocker.
Look, other guys get binoculars.
Other guys bid
and... what's that?
"Property of the Fort
Apache Officers Club
United States, Calvary, 1868."
That's Army surplus?
Sure, and they've been
waiting almost 100 years
for some sucker to
come along and buy it.
Shall we throw it out, Sarge?
What, what, what, throw it out.
What's with this throw it out?
Did the Army throw it out?
- We're gonna sell it.
- Sell it?
Sarge, you couldn't sell
this to a 6 year old kid.
Sure, a 6 year old
kid would be too smart,
but a 40 year old Ritzik,
that's another thing.
Rupert, I won! I won!
What? What did ya win?
4th prize in the
Cowpoke contest.
I won it! I sent in
25 words or less
"why I watch Cowpoke"
and I won 4th prize!
Cowpoke? What's Cowpoke?
That's a new
Western series on TV.
It's on the same time as Maverick,
and Have Gun - Will Travel.
No kidding, the same time.
Now I'll have to get a 3rd set.
Oh boy, you should
have entered this contest,
you would have won 1st prize.
What was the first prize?
Thanksgiving dinner
with Smiley Burnette.
Ooh... I wish I'd
known about it.
What, what did you win?
I don't know, it just
came from the post office.
Let's open it up, boys.
I wonder what's in there.
Ooh, Ooh... look what you won.
Hey, fellas, look at this.
- A cigarette lighter.
- It's out of fluid.
That's no cigarette
lighter, that's a spur.
Oh, a spur, well I don't know.
Oh look, a picture
of a baby elephant.
Baby... That's a buffalo.
I guess I'm just not
the Cowpoke type.
All right, fellas, let's
get this over a pawnshop
see what we can get on it.
Oh, wait a minute, Bilko,
I'll take it off your hands.
- You will?
- Aha.
Well, you can have it for
what it cost me in box tops.
Well, that's fair.
How much was that?
- $50.
- $50 worth of box tops?
Well, I'll give you $25.
Well, I guess I should
take a little loss,
after all, I did
eat the cereals.
Here, here's your $25.
Oh boy, my own Cowpoke outfit.
Gee, I'm gonna hang this
picture right up here in my kitchen.
Why don't you hang it
over the stove, it will give it
that indirect lighting effect
over the gas burner, ah?
Yeah, I wanna get
some hammer and nails.
Hey, don't any of you guys
play with my kit while I'm gone.
Don't play with his
kit while he's gone.
That Ritzik is a pushover.
If all the cowboys were like him
this country would still be
in the hands of the Indians.
I'll put it over the stove.
Hey, wait a minute, Ernie, hold
that picture up to the light a minute.
I think I see something.
What? What do
you see. What, what?
Look, there's a map
under the painting.
Where? Hey, wait a
minute, that's a map.
What is this, a goldmine?
- Goldmine.
- A goldmine!
It's a map of a goldmine!
Why not, this crate hasn't
been opened since 1868.
- What?
- It's a...
Did you I tell, did I tell you
that Army surplus
auction would pay off?
Wait a minute, Sarge, the
picture belongs to Ritzik.
Only for a few minutes, I'll
buy it right back from him.
Give me a towel, quick.
Hurry, here he comes.
- I hope Ritzik don't notice this.
- Ritzik don't notice what?
Oh, we had a little accident,
you should be careful
where you leave the
goulash, things fall in it.
You dropped my
picture in the goulash?
Well, it's all right,
it's nothing doing.
I'm cleaning it off. It
smells beautiful here.
- You ruined my picture.
- You ruined my picture.
You say I ruined
the picture, all right.
So technical about it, here,
here's $5 for the picture.
Gold... gold, gold!
- Ernie, are you sure?
- It all checks.
Look, there's Grove
City above the gold mine.
There's White Horse River.
There's the Laredo Peaks
in the distance, right?
Sarge, we're rich,
we're rich gold, gold!
- Shut up, shh!
- Did somebody say gold?
- I heard the word gold.
- Who said gold?
Oh no, we were just
discussing repainting my room.
Rocco, he wants to
do it in egg shell white
and I was saying — "no we
should do it in gold, gold!"
But, Sarge, do you
have to discuss this
in the middle of the night?
Well, you know how
it is with painters,
they come in at 6
o'clock in the morning.
Well, go get some rest, I'm
sorry to disturb you, fellas.
Go on, get a good night's sleep.
We must discuss this
painting at another time.
Wow, that was a close one.
Yeah. Listen, from
now on that word is out.
But what are we
gonna call it, Ernie?
We've gotta give it a code name.
I got it, we'll refer
to it as potatoes.
Hey, that's smart,
Sarge, potatoes.
Hey, Sarge, when are we
gonna go dig up for the potatoes?
Well, as soon as I can get a 3
day pass, I'm going off to California.
Wait, wait a minute.
What do you mean you?
What about us?
What's with you 2
guys, you don't trust me?
You think I'll keep the
potatoes for myself?
Look, Ernie, we wouldn't care
if these potatoes
were just potatoes.
But these potatoes are gold!
Ssh! Will you keep...
Gold?, I heard you say gold.
- Did you? Did you?
- Yeah, and you know what I think?
What?
I think you should paint
the room salmon pink.
He's right. Dino did it again.
Oh, that Italian
artistic temperament.
Thank you very much,
Paparelli, see you tomorrow.
- Sorry Ernie.
- Watch it.
Now, wait a minute, are we
gonna go to California with you?
- All right the 3 of us will go.
- Good, good Sarge.
Get in your bunks,
get some rest.
Whatever you do,
don't talk in your sleep.
- Ok, Sarge, goodnight.
- Goodnight, Ernie.
California, here I come.
There's potatoes
in them thar hills!
Come on, come on
will you, let's get moving.
Oh, Sarge, take
it easy, will ya!
My back is killing me.
Mine too, why
didn't we get a mule.
No, we're not cutting anyone
else in on this, 3 is enough.
There's the White
Horse River right there.
There is Laredo Peaks,
and Grove City is behind us.
According to the map it should
be right behind those trees.
Come on, let's move!
Sarge, Sarge,
look, an Army post.
An Army post on our gold mine?
- We're cooked.
- No, Ernie, it's deserted.
- It is?
- Yeah.
Look, Sarge, there's a
Sign - Camp Fremont.
- Camp Fremont.
- Hey, isn't that from WWI.
Yeah, but that's been
closed since 1918.
Do you think they
discovered the mine?
Not a chance, if they
had, they'd have dug
the front line
trenches right here.
Then they haven't
discovered it yet.
No, and it's all ours.
We're rich! We're
rich! We're rich!
Potatoes, potatoes.
We've struck potatoes!
Anything wrong?
No, of course
there's nothing wrong.
I thought I heard
you yelling potatoes.
Well you see, my fellow
campers and myself,
we've had nothing but beans
to eat for the past 3 weeks
and now we seem to have
come upon some potatoes.
Potatoes, potatoes.
Our own potatoes.
They're so excited.
You a camper yourself?
We're gonna pitch
our tent right here.
Why don't you pitch your
tent behind the mountains,
I hear there's a
lovely spot there.
No, no, I'm a surveyor.
Oh, a surveyor,
that's very interesting,
what are you surveying for?
The state's gonna put a
super highway through here.
Super... super highway,
does that mean you're gonna
blast the rocks and
dig up the earth?
That's right, in 6 months
there will be thousands of cars
whizzing right over this spot.
Did you hear that,
fellow campers?
They're gonna cut
a road right through
the heart of Mother Nature.
I suppose you care nothing
about the poor displaced animals,
the little chipmunks, the little
squirrels who depend on...
what about the little birdies,
where are they going to
build their nests,
in the toll booths?
I'm sorry... Hey, Joe! We'll
take the line from where you are,
right through Camp Fremont.
Hold on, wait a minute
you can't go through here.
This is Government property.
Not after next week it ain't,
the Army's lease is up and
they're not gonna renew it.
Hold it, suppose the
Army renews that lease.
Then we'd have to go around
and build through the valley.
Well, if I were you, I would
start surveying the valley.
You know how the Army is,
they change their
minds the last minute.
If they're gonna change their
minds, they better work fast.
We start digging next week.
All right Joe, I got it
marked. Happy camping.
How do you like this,
they're gonna build a road.
You know what it'll be? It'll
be our road to the poor house.
Wait a minute, Sarge,
maybe we can get a job
on this road as diggers.
They can't stop us from
taking home the dirt.
What road?
What road? They
wouldn't dare build a road
through one of the Army's
most active installations.
Active? But this is a
broken down camp.
The Army hasn't
used it in 40 years.
Isn't that a pity, it's gonna
cost the Army a fortune
when they have to re-open it.
Who's gonna make
them re-open it?
- Tell him Roc.
- Ernie is?
- Ernie is?
- Ernie is.
Governor Rickles,
how do you do, Sir?
That's Mayor Rickles.
Oh, excuse me, I
was thinking ahead.
I'd like you to meet my staff.
This is my chief
engineer, Mr. Henshaw.
How do you do?
I venture and guess you
have crossed one of his bridges
at some time or another.
This is my construction
head, Mr. Barbella.
You of course have
heard of Boulder Dam.
Oh yes. Pleased to meet you.
We won't go into details.
Do you mind, let's
get down to business.
May I use your
desk, Sir, please?
- The blueprints, Mr. Henshaw.
- Right here, C.B.
As you notice, your Honour,
these blueprints
are self-explanatory.
You notice there is Home Plate.
Plenty of distance
in the outfield
and the power lines
are placed properly.
- 320ft on either side.
- Good, good.
We don't want to run
into the same trouble
the Dodgers had in
Los Angeles, do we?
The Dodgers?
Have you noticed,
these hills here
form a perfect background to
obscure the late afternoon sun?
Mantle has told me himself
personally he doesn't like hitting
with the sun in his eyes.
- Mantle?
- Yes Mickey Mantle.
You've heard of him of
course, Yogi Berra's roommate.
Wonderful boys, you'll
have a lot of fun with them
when you meet them.
- Are they coming here?
- Well yes, didn't you get my wire?
- No.
He didn't get my wire - every
detail I have to work myself.
Then this is all new to you,
I mean, about the big move?
What big move?
Well you know, the trend
in baseball today is to move.
As you well know, the Brooklyn
Dodgers moved to Los Angeles.
The New York Giants moved
to San Francisco and now...
You mean the New York
Yankees are coming here?
The New York Yankees?
The Grove City Yankees!
And on opening day
we've arranged for you to
throw out the first orange,
That'll give it that California
touch, you understand.
Now, when can we start
breaking ground for the stadium?
All this happening to
Grove City, I never dreamed.
Well, Sir, it's a perfect
spot for baseball.
Perfect. All the
crowds will draw here.
But we only have a
population of 2,200.
Oh, those, we'll
let them in free.
It's those soldiers we want.
Those soldiers, those
great baseball fans.
Hey, but what soldiers?
The soldiers of Camp Fremont.
Oh, they love
baseball, those soldiers.
Oh, but there aren't any
soldiers at Camp Fremont.
Oh, I see, they're are
all out on maneuvers?
No, the camp has been
closed for the last 40 years.
Water, water.
What... what did you say?
The camp, it's closed, the
Army's lease has expired.
They're tearing it
down next week.
What did I almost do?
I almost moved the New
Yankees to a ghost town.
Oh, we haven't got
far, we'll get out in time.
They would've beaten me to
death with their baseball bats.
You mean you're not gonna
bring the Yankees here?
Sir, with that camp closed,
I wouldn't bring a
spelling bee here.
Perhaps San Diego
will still be interested.
No, wait, wait a minute,
maybe I can do something.
But you will have to hurry, Sir,
your own words, that
lease is up next week.
How about Fresno?
The Fresno Yankees,
or better the Pasadena Yankees.
Oh, I'll tell you, I'll call our
Senator, our Congressman.
Well, if you want to.
Miss Adams, get me
Congressman Claymore
on the phone in
Washington and hurry, hurry.
Well, Sarge, I
guess that does it.
That's it, that's
just the first step.
Now I've got to go
back to Fort Baxter
and open a second front.
Charles, Charles.
What? What?
Charles, wake up, there's a
Sgt. Bilko outside to see you.
Sgt. Bilko? I don't
know any Bilko.
Charlie, old buddy,
it's me, Ernie.
Hey, you rascal, you
look good Charlie boy.
Hey, what did you
say your name was?
Ernie Bilko?
Ernie Bilko he
said it right out,
it was 40 years ago
and he still remembers.
Oh, Charlie, remember the
song you were always singing,
"We got the Hun on the run
and the Kaiser will be
wiser when we're done."
- Remember those days, Charlie boy?
- Bilko?
Remember how the
French girls used to call me?
"Beeelko, hallo Beeelko."
Look who I'm telling
about the French girls.
Remember that little
dancer at the Moulin...
Good heavens, you
married her, Fifi...
Do you ever hear from the
other girls from the Moulin Rouge?
Oh, those were the days.
My name is Agnes.
- Ooops.
- I didn't know any Fifi.
No, he didn't know any Fifi.
I'll back him up with
my word of honour.
You don't know any Fifi.
Wait a minute, what are
you doing in that uniform?
Charlie, I'm gonna
level with you.
We fought a battle in '17
and now we've got
another battle to fight.
Are we at war?
I didn't read the whole
paper. I fell asleep.
I didn't read the paper either.
Well I did, that's why I
got into this old uniform,
to rouse the old gang.
What happened?
Charlie, they're
gonna tear it down.
- Tear what down?
- Glorious old Camp Fremont.
Camp Fremont, where's that?
In California and in our hearts.
Camp Fremont,
oh, near Grove City.
I knew you'd remember.
You remember those
nights we used to have
around the barracks fire,
and the songs we would sing,
and that young officer who used
to entertain us playing the piano?
What was his name again?
Harry Newman?
Young Harry Truman.
Truman, that was
his name. Oh great.
I was only there for a week.
I was in the infirmary
with the measles.
Yes. But the finest
Medical Corps in the Army
pulled you through
it, didn't they?
And now, Charlie,
the state of California
is tearing down that old camp.
I guess the story's
through with us.
They closed the book on us.
Wait a minute, Ernie,
nobody closed the book on us.
- We ain't licked yet.
- That's it.
That's the old battle
cry of the old 113th.
We ain't licked yet.
We ain't licked yet.
- We ain't licked yet.
- We ain't licked yet.
What do you say, Charlie?
I'll call up all the boys
all over the country
and tell them what
they're trying to do to us.
- Attaboy Charlie.
- I'll tell them to call
their post headquarters,
their legion commanders.
Why, those young
whippersnappers in the Pentagon,
they're gonna hear about this.
Attaboy Charlie, the
Yanks are coming!
You bet, I'd just like to
see them tear down that...
what's the name of that again?
- Camp Fremont.
- Yes, good.
- We ain't licked yet.
- We ain't licked yet.
Here's 500 more telegrams, Sir,
and they all say the same thing.
Don't tell me. "We
ain't licked yet."
- Yes, Sir.
- I don't understand it.
I thought I'd get a promotion
for getting rid
of that old relic.
Suddenly they treat me like
I'm trying to tear down the Alamo.
- Attention.
- You know what these are?
- Protests, Sir?
- That's right.
Protests from veterans,
politicians and Army personnel.
They're angry and
I don't blame them.
Daring to wipe off
the map one of the
Army's most
historic installations,
- Camp Tremont.
- Fremont, Sir.
Well, whatever it is,
I want it re-opened.
"General Walter
Gordon, Camp Fremont.
Grove City, California has
hereby been reactivated.
All post commanders
please notice,
the office of Commandant
of Camp Fremont
is open to volunteers."
- You did it, Ernie.
- Congratulations!
When this came over to the
teletype at the message centre
I couldn't believe it.
- He couldn't believe it.
You believe the 7 Wonders
of the World, don't you?
Why not believe the 8th.
Hey Sarge, as soon
as we get to California
we can start digging for gold!
- Shh.
- Potatoes.
What's your hurry?
We've got to make sure
that the Colonel gets
out there before us.
That's right, Sarge, the Colonel
hasn't seen this message yet.
Shall I take it to him?
What's your hurry? Right now
the message means nothing to him.
Give me a few minutes and
it'll be very important to him.
Come in.
Oh excuse me, Sir,
I hate to bother you,
but may I ask the
Colonel a question?
Well, what is it?
Do you and Mrs. Hall intend
to go in to Roseville tonight, Sir?
Yes, for the Roseville
Junior League Charity Ball.
Oh yes, that's
the big gala affair
of the Roseville social season.
Then you will need this, Sir.
- What is it?
- The bus schedule.
Now, Sir, if you take the 8:05
that will get you into
Roseville at 9:15, Sir.
What are you
talking about Bilko?
I'm not taking a bus,
I'm going in the staff car.
But, Sir, I told you the
fan belt is broken, Sir.
That was 2 weeks ago,
didn't you requisition fan belts?
Oh yes, Sir, at least 10 times.
Well, if the staff car
isn't ready I'll take a jeep.
Oh good... then the
pistons came, Sir?
If you'll give me the pistons
I'll put them in the jeep, Sir.
What pistons? I
didn't get any pistons.
Well, I didn't get any
pistons either, Sir.
But I'm sure it's
just an oversight,
that doesn't mean they're
closing down the camp.
Who said they were
closing down the camp?
All the men are
talking about it.
They've taken up
a pool, a $1 a man,
naming the exact date
they close Fort Baxter.
I refused to join them, Sir.
Nonsense, why would they
wanna close Fort Baxter?
Exactly what I told the
men, when you consider
the important work we're doing
here with rockets and missiles.
We haven't got any
rockets and missiles.
Fort Cullen got that
project, but never mind, Sir,
when I tell them about
the radar installations
they're putting here, Sir...
Fort McAndrew got
the radar installation.
Oh, yes. Then
what did we get, Sir?
We didn't get anything, Bilko,
not even a fan belt or a piston!
Then it's true, they're
closing down Fort Baxter.
Col. Hall, Sir, this message
just came from Washington, Sir.
Thank you.
Oh, makes me warm to
look at him in that coat.
Yes, Corporal, it's
80 degrees outside
why are you wearing
that overcoat?
Oh, well, my shirt didn't come
back from the laundry yet, Sir.
You have only one shirt?
Well, I put in a requisition
for another one, Sir.
- 14 times but...
- 14 times?
It's the piston story
all over again, Sir.
- I'll go and pack.
- Bilko?
My Colonel called?
It's a miracle they're opening
a new camp in California,
and they want a
volunteer who'll take over.
No, oh the Colonel is just
trying to make me feel good.
- No, here it is.
- Camp Fremont.
Camp Fremont, I
wonder where that is?
Hello Cpl. Simpson, get me
General Gordon at the Pentagon.
Bilko, we're
moving to California.
I feel like I've struck gold!
Potatoes, potatoes.
What are we stopping
at this dump for?
I wanna see the new camp.
Me too, this place
gives me the creeps.
No wonder, it's a ghost town.
Hey, Sarge, can I go in
there and take a picture?
I'll tell you what you can do.
You can go in there
and start cleaning up.
This is your new
home, Camp Fremont.
That's Camp Fremont?
I'm not going in there
till I get my shots.
I've seen better
prison camps than this.
Hold it! What is this, a mutiny?
Now you guys are
going to feel pretty silly
if I have to call out the National
Guard to get you in there.
But Sarge.
- Get them in.
- Ten-shun!
How do you do, Sir,
welcome to Camp Fremont.
Plenty of time for that
when we get there, Bilko.
- I'm afraid we're here, Sir.
- Here?
I can't believe it.
There it is, Sir, Camp Fremont.
30 years in the Army
and they make me
the commanding
officer of shanty town.
Well, Sir, I feel that's why
the Pentagon chose you, Sir.
They wanted a builder,
a pioneer who can turn
this wilderness into a garden.
They didn't chose me,
Bilko, I volunteered.
I picked up the phone
and I asked for it.
Sir, I would like the
Colonel's permission
to start digging at once.
Digging for what,
a way out of here?
Sir, what I meant is that I can
dig for fresh water for the men.
Very well, meanwhile,
I'll look for a place
for Mrs. Hall and me to stay.
There must a low
tree here somewhere.
- Let's go.
- He's full of fun today.
All right, everybody,
dig in there, work.
Come on Doberman.
Dig, dig, everybody dig!
Hey, Sarge, can we
stop now? We're dead.
I told you we're gonna
dig until we find a well.
But we struck water 5 times.
Yeah, but that
water had iron in it.
You want your teeth
to get rusty? Dig!
We're not looking for water,
he's got us digging
California's first subway.
Oh shut up, guys, dig.
Now remember one thing,
you guys, if you come across
a metal shining object, don't
touch it, it may be radioactive.
Radioactive? Well,
what do we do, Sarge?
Just clear the area, I don't
want none of you guys in on this.
I mean, I don't want
none of this to get on you.
Don't look at me
dig. Dig, everybody!
- Hey Sarge, look, a potato.
- Potatoes, I'm rich, we did it!
- I'm rich!
- It's just potatoes.
Don't use that word. Dig,
dig, what are you staring at?
Sarge, we ain't
found a thing yet.
I feel we're right close to it.
We're gonna find it. Go
on, get back, go on, dig!
Hey, Ernie, can I speak
to you a minute in private?
Not now Grover, I'm very busy.
It will only take a
minute, it's important.
What is it? What?
Well, it's really nothing.
I was wondering how much
gold costs on the market today?
Well, it's according
to how much it weighs.
Gold? Why did you say
gold? What're you going to do -
sell your wrist
watch or something?
No, I was wondering if
I just discovered gold?
Gold? Here in California?
That's silly.
When those
forty-niners got through,
there wasn't enough gold left
in California to fill your teeth.
Oh yeah? How would you
like to fill your mouth with this?
Oh my... let me touch it.
Get your hands off
it, Bilko, it's mine.
I was sinking a
telephone pole and hit this.
There's a whole vein of
it, and it's mine, all mine.
Of course it's yours.
It's yours and mine, I'm
declaring you in on this.
- We're partners.
- Partners? But I found it.
Shut up! Who got you out here?
Who got them digging?
Who found the map?
Yeah, but I discovered the gold.
Do you know what the
penalty is for poaching?
Are you prepared for a legal
suit for 5 or 6 years, are you?
- No.
- Partners?
- Partners.!-Don't say a
word of this to anybody.
You and me, we'll...
Ooh, Ooh, look what I
found back in my kitchen.
I was digging a garbage pit.
- Gold?
- You're too late Ritzik, it's ours.
Yeah, but I found
it, it's my garbage pit.
What do you mean it's yours?
I brought you
out here, didn't I?
He's right, Rupert,
he brought us out here.
He knew about the gold.
But it's mine, finders keepers.
If the Supreme Court
upholds your decision
of finders keepers
then I'll abide with it.
But until then I will
see you in every court
and then you will
not touch one of them.
Don't be an idiot,
Rupert, come in with us.
- Partners?
- Partners.
- Partners.-Now keep
this among ourselves.
- Shhh.
- Sarge, gold, gold, I found gold!
You want to come in with us,
or you're prepared
for a legal battle?
Hey, Sarge, look
what I found, gold!
- Gold, gold!
- Wait a minute.
All those who found
gold, raise your hands.
- We're all partners.
- Partners?
What do you mean?
What do you think I
got you digging for?
Water.
The water's yours,
the gold's ours.
That's right, yeah.
Thank you very much,
that's the gratitude, huh?
"It's all mine," so
who got you out here?
Who found the map and
brought you out here to California?
And this is the thanks I get?
"It's all mine."
You ought to be
ashamed of yourselves.
- We're sorry, Sarge.
- I should think you would be.
- Are we all partners?
- Yeah.
Listen to me, you
all follow what I say,
we'll be the richest
platoon in the world
and here's what we've gotta do.
First of all, we keep
this to ourselves.
Yeah.
The end of each day's
digging, you bring the gold to me
and after 10 days, or $10,000
worth, whichever comes first,
we divide the gold up equally.
I'm warning you, if I
catch one of you guys
smuggling gold under
his fingernails, look out.
- Attention...
- How do you do, Sir?
I was just talking
to my partners...
er... the platoon,
I was telling them,
keep out of the hot sun,
it's so destructive, Sir.
Did you find any water yet?
A little here and there, Sir,
not enough to fill a glass full.
I was afraid of that.
This spot is very dry, you
won't find anything here
except dust and rocks.
Will you, will you, will you?
And this stuff.
Gold?
Sarge, do we have
to make him a partner?
- Gold, Sir?
- Yes.
- Fool's gold.
- Fool's gold?
It glitters and shines like
gold, but it's worthless.
Worthless?
Well, a ton of it may
bring you a dollar or 2.
You'd be surprised
at the number of men
that have been fooled by it.
Well, carry on.
Fool's gold?
You dragged us all the
way out here for this?
A mountain full of petty cash.
My garbage pit is worth more.
How do you feel now, partner?
Yeah, always dreaming
up these ideas, always.
Yeah, I don't blame
you. Let me have it, good.
I've done it again,
outsmarted myself.
Always scheming,
always conniving.
You think once
I'd play it straight.
Not me, look what I did to us.
I trapped us. I
brought us all out here
from a beautiful camp in Kansas.
And now we're stuck here.
You guys must hate me.
We do, Sarge. We do.
- I don't hate you, Sarge.
- Thanks, Duane.
Why, Sarge, it's
beautiful out here,
we're right in the
middle of everything.
Yeah, yeah.
Now look, look, San
Francisco is over there.
Hollywood is over there
and back there is Las Vegas.
- Wait a minute.
- It's a paradise.
- Yeah.
- And who got you out here?
You did, Sarge.
You did, Sarge and what do you
say, 3 cheers for the old Sarge.
- Hip! Hip!
- Hooray!
- Hip! Hip!
- Hooray, Hooray!
Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's cast were:
Joe E. Ross as Sgt. Ritzik.
Jimmy little as Sgt. Grover.
Jeff Bryant as Mayor Rickles.
Catherine Payne as Mrs. Platt.
Tom Ahern as Mr. Platt.
Frank Schofield as the Surveyor.
Al Sander as Major Blackburn.
And Royal Beal
as General Gordon.
Trailers.to: Watch Full HD Movies & TV Shows
Premium Platform