The Phil Silvers Show (1955–1959): Season 3, Episode 5 - The Big Man Hunt - full transcript
Bilko's old army pal Red Thompson, whose life Bilko saved during the war, launches a search for Ernie. Red wants to thank Ernie for saving his life by offering him a share in his diamond mine.
They're the real
thing aren't they?
Now wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Go ahead Red show
him the other bag.
For 12 years I've been
tramping on these steaming,
stinking jungle,
searching for diamonds.
Now at last I found
them. They're real huh?
Red you really hit this time.
These are the purest
diamonds I've ever seen.
Congratulations
you're a millionaire.
We're rich! We're rich!
It is, I am going
right to Paris.
I'll go with you, and
I'm buying the plane.
How about you Red,
you coming with us?
- Nah count me out.
- Count you out?
Yeah now that I finally
made it, the first thing
I'm gonna do is keep a promise I
made to myself many years ago.
- A promise.
- Yap.
15 years ago at Guadalcanal
another soldier saved my life.
If it hadn't been for him,
I wouldn't be here now.
What are you gonna do?
Now he doesn't know it but
half of everything I have is his.
I'm gonna hire a private
detective to find him right away.
- Boy has he hit the jackpot!
- He deserves it.
The only thing is he's
such a sweet, loveable,
unassuming guy that I
know I'm going to have trouble
making him take the money.
- What's his name?
The sweetest guy that
ever lived, Sgt. Ernie Bilko.
- Search him again.
- I told you Sarge I'm broke.
He's lying go through every
pocket, scrape the cuffs.
He's clean Ernie, not a dime.
I don't understand you Doberman,
what happens to all your money.
I don't know Sarge,
you never tell me.
All right get back to work.
Poor blokes I get around here.
- Who's next?
- Papparelli.
Oh Papparelli the hoarder.
Papparelli baby boy the Sergeant
who loves you wants to see you.
Look alive come in
here Papparelli baby.
Yeah Sarge.
I don't understand it.
Here we are the highest
paid Army in the world
and I can't raise, a lousy
$100 bucks for a worthy cause.
Well why don't you
just forget about it Ernie?
Never, this is not just
an ordinary poker game.
This is the poker Olympics.
G.I.'s are coming from all over
the country to compete in this,
Fort Bragg, Camp Dix, even
Alaska is sending an entry.
And I can't raise
a lousy 100 bucks
to get to the fair for
the games in Topeka.
Are you sure you thought
of everybody Sarge?
Look face it, there
isn't a man in the world
I can even raise a nickel from.
You know something
you would've won
them Olympics hands down, Ernie.
- No contest.
Not only that this is the
biggest game they ever had,
all that money.
Look I keep telling you
it's not just the money;
it's a matter of sentiment.
Look!
Isn't this a lovely thing.
The poker Olympics cup.
Look at the way it's inscribed.
For meritorious and
distinguished achievement
in High-Low, One Eyed Jacks
Wild and spit in the ocean.
2 years in a row I won this cup.
One more win I would've
had a permanent possession.
Owning that cup means
a lot to you, ah Sarge.
I know it's silly
for a grown man
to feel this way about a
cup, but what I'm I gonna do.
That's the way I am.
Hey Sarge, what would you
do with it, if you won it for keeps?
- I'd hock it.
- Why don't you hock it now?
That would be dishonest,
I don't even own it.
That would be like stealing.
Why don't you hock it now?
Wait a minute,
today is Thursday,
isn't it? Pawn shop opens an
hour earlier? Let’s go.
No I won't sell this, this
is a priceless heirloom,
it's been in the
family for years.
- Be strong Sarge.
- Sarge you've gotta, Sarge.
Oh well if dad didn't
need the operation
I would never pawn this.
- How much?
- Nothing.
- It's real gold.
- It's ain't even tin.
But it has sentimental
value Sam.
To you not to me.
Look I'm desperate,
I've gotta raise $100.
Have I been a good
customer or not?
How much for this ring.
Sergeant it's my
graduation ring.
Well we all gotta
make sacrifices,
you still got your
diploma, haven't you?
How much Sam?
I never went to
school but believe me
I got a 1,000 graduation rings.
Sam I've gotta raise a $100.
Wanna buy a jeep?
How about a Sherman
tank slightly used?
Please Bilko get outta here.
You're interested in real
estate I will sell you a drill field,
- Drill field?
- How about it?
- Please Bilko now leave me alone.
- Come on Sarge, give up.
No there must
an institution left
that lends money to
honest people in need.
There must be.
The bank, what are we bothering.
- The bank is it still open.
- I don't what time is it?
Do you mind if I look at my
watch, thank you very much.
We still got an
half hour, come on.
Ah, oh I'm sorry Sam.
- Thank you Mr. Leamy.
- It's a pleasure, any time.
And here is your
book Mrs. Hammer.
Our little Christmas club
fund is really growing.
Thank you.
- Good afternoon Mrs. Hammer.
- Good afternoon.
Bilko.
Bilko.
Bilko.
Close the door, set the alarm.
Sorry Bilko the bank is closed.
Why now it's
only a quarter to 3.
How dare you, take me
to your President at once.
Mr. Leamy, how fortunate
we caught you before you left.
- No!
- Oh I love doing business
with a friendly bank.
- No!
Did you hear that, your
money is safe here?
Give me a banker with the
courage enough to say no.
- No!
- I wouldn't have any other
bank calendar on my wall.
That inspiring
picture of Pocahontas
rescuing John Smith
from the savages,
well I look at it
every night Sir.
Please, Bilko the
bank is closed.
Just a small loan, Mr. Leamy,
only $100 of course
I'm willing to pay
the prevailing interest rates.
Fortunately I have my 2
co-signers here with me.
If you just give
to me small bills
we'll be skidding
out of your way.
Bilko I have no interest
in doing business with you.
Did you hear that?
No interest. The man
has heart, believe me.
The widows and
investors of this bank
can sleep easy at night
with this man's hand
at the helm of
this institution...
Bilko this bank will not make
you a loan in a million years.
Well I can understand that,
why should you make a loan
to a simple G.I
who only securities
are the wounds he received
in defense of this country,
making the world
safe for free enterprise?
Of course I'm sure
you did your bit.
You bought bonds.
Oh I can't make these sudden
starts the shrapnel wounds...
Oh please don't worry
about public opinion.
I will see that the man
in the street understands
there's no room for
heart in business.
I can't turn suddenly,
you understand they just.
Would you help me please?
Bilko.
Did you call, somebody
called the pain
I can't hear when I'm,
did you call me Sir?
Bilko if I made you a bank loan,
the Federal Reserve
would close us up.
I don't think that's
the right thing.
But what I do with my own
money is my own business.
Just a minute, Mr. Leamy,
I don't want charity.
Well I...
- If you insist,
believe me you've earned the
thanks of a humble dough boy
and I will see that you
get back every cent of it.
We got it. We got it.
Get his number I want this
man to have a box of cigars,
you're doing a grand job.
Lock up after us, you never
know what can happen.
Well Sarge you're
all set for Topeka,
now you got your bus tickets.
- Right here buddy.
- You got the money.
Right here pal, all I've
got to do is get the Colonel
to sign this pass,
and it's off to Topeka
for the Poker Olympics.
Hey Sarge how did you get
the Colonel to give you the pass.
I forgot the excuse
that I gave him,
all I know I left him in tears.
Edna my vision in khaki,
is our beloved Colonel in?
Yeah Ernie.
You're doing a grand
job for the war effort.
If I can only remember
the excuse I gave him.
- It will come to me.
- Good afternoon Sir.
Oh you Bilko, about your pass.
Thank you Sir if you just sign
I'll be out of your
way in no time Sir.
Bilko I want you to know
you have my sympathy.
Thank you very much Sir.
Well Bilko I suppose this is
one pass you hate to take.
That is the way it is, but I
have to if you'll just sign Sir.
- I don't know.
- I suppose they're doing
everything that they can do.
Everything is being done
Sir, if you'll just sign Sir.
I don't know.
I must say I admire
your courage.
Thank you very much Sir.
But you probably don't
want to talk about it.
When I get back Sir we
will have a nice long chat,
if you'll just sign Sir please.
The only thing, Bilko,
it's funny that I didn't
read about it in the papers.
A thing like this doesn't
happen every day.
- Oh I wouldn't say that Sir.
- You wouldn't!
When a 7,000 lb meteor
falls in your backyard,
knocks your 93 year old
aunt out of her hammock.
Ah Sir.
Oh no wonder you
didn't want to talk about it.
Oh Sir, when I think the havoc
these uncontrolled meteors
are causing, why it's
like an astronomical fall.
There was auntie sitting
there, she didn't know that...
Come in.
Sir this message just arrived
from Corps headquarters.
Gen. Hollander will be
at Fort Baxter tomorrow.
Gen. Hollander that means a
complete inspection of the post.
I suppose you want
all leaves cancelled.
At once. I'm sorry Bilko.
Sir the little old woman
that's waiting in Topeka Sir.
Bilko you know this inspection
takes priority over everything.
The general is a stickler
about the motor pool.
Lieutenant, have
all the units alerted
about the inspection tomorrow.
- Yes Sir.
Excuse me Sir
this Gen. Hollander.
Is that the same General
who inspected us last year?
- Yes.
- Oh thank heavens.
I'll have a chance
to apologize to him.
Apologize, apologize for what.
Well you remember Sir,
he was examining the jeep
he had his head under the hood
and I accidentally
leaned on the horn.
I remember he
was deaf for a week.
Was he ever mad Sir?
He certainly was,
Bilko he gave us
the lowest rating we ever got.
Well thank heavens I
can apologize to him
this time and he can hear me.
The noise of that
horn still stays with me.
Beep, beep, beep.
Bilko, I don't want you to
go near Gen. Hollander.
- I don't want him reminded.
- Sir.
In fact get off the post.
Sir as the Sergeant
of the motor pool
it's my duty Sir
to see that he's.
Well I'm relieving
you of that duty.
Here is your pass, go.
I know he is not
due until tomorrow
but I won't take any chances.
But Sir I'm perfectly
willing to do all I can
to make the General.
- Go!
- Yes Sir.
Thought they were real sharpies
you know? I beat em out of a $400 pot
with a possible pair of nines.
Well here is to the
Poker Olympics.
- Oh please.
- And to this year's champ.
Bring home the
cup for keeps Ernie.
Yeah.
Oh well. Thank you gentlemen
for this vote of confidence
and you can depend
upon me because
have these fingers
every failed you.
Please observe these hands,
there's only 3 pair of hands
in the entire world,
Hiefitz, Stokowski and Bilko.
Hey Sarge, you
better get started
that bus for Topeka
leaves in a half hour.
Doberman get my bag out of
the check room, on the double.
Miss, waitress, check please.
Ah, this looks like a
hangout for soldiers.
Maybe we can
find this Bilko here.
Yeah, I hope so, that
guy in Africa sure is hot
to get a hold of him.
Yeah I don't know why,
he said if we get Bilko
back to New York by
Saturday it's a bonus for us.
There's a bunch over
there maybe they know him.
Now this seems to tally up,
all right Miss give me your
pencil I will sign this check.
You're gonna sign
it, I'll get the manager.
All right if you are going
to get sticky about it,
here, pay this.
Excuse me fellas, we're
trying to locate a soldier.
Well you came
to the right table.
We know every
soldier at Fort Baxter.
Good maybe you can help us
catch up with a guy named Bilko.
- Bilko?
- Hey Sarge that's,
Why don't you eat
you're never eating.
What were you saying?
We'd sure like to
get our hands on him.
- What for?
- Well that's not our business?
We're just doing a job for a guy
who will do anything to
get his hands on Bilko.
- You say his name was Bliko?
- Bilko.
- Sarge, that's.
- Why don't you, you never eat.
He's a prisoner of war.
We're trying to get back
on the road to health.
Now this Bilko, you
sure that was the name?
That is a strange name.
Maybe Red got that name wrong.
Red?
Well what about it soldier,
do you know this Bilko?
It just came back to me, I
never heard of him in my life
and If I did I would've known,
you boys ever hear this Jilko.
Bilko, Bilko, his
first name is Ernie.
Ernie Bilko, now
think if you ever.
- Sarge!
- Now that you're never eating.
Eat, eat. Bilko did you
ever hear the name.
Think, think we'd like
to help these gentlemen.
I, I never heard of him, never.
- Never, I too.
- It don't hit me.
Hey why don't you
try the marines?
Here's your bag Ernie.
Not Ernie, the name is
Bernard I told him a 100 times.
That is my name
Bernard Schlesinger;
I hate people taking
abuse of my name.
Not Bernard Bernard Schlesinger.
Have you got it straight?
- Bernard!
All right now you got it,
now get that back in the jeep.
Can't stand it when
they get frivolous with;
I wish I could help
you with this problem
but I never heard of this chap.
Thanks anyway soldier.
Well you just call out
Bernard Schlesinger
and glad to be of service.
- See yah.
- Have a nice day gentlemen.
- Hey Sarge what it's all about?
- Who knows?
- Red is after me.
- Red who?
It can be a million
Reds, who knows?
Red Hagerman, no him I paid.
Maybe Red Peterson, he
is just the type that would,
no he believed me.
- Who, who with.
- Red Barker!
- Red Barker?
- Yeah it was years ago.
We formed a partnership
to play the stock market;
it was split right
down the middle.
He supplied the money
I supplied the brains.
It didn't work out huh?
Red ran out of money
before I ran out of brains.
Sarge that was years ago,
he probably forgot about it.
You don't know this Red Barker.
A vicious vindictive type,
laid low all these years
waiting to strike when
I'm in the prime of life.
You better get on
that bus for Topeka fast
before those mugs
find out you're Bilko.
That's the stupidest
idea I ever heard.
Go to Topeka alone
where I don't know anybody
they will find me, they
will have me tailed.
- I need protection.
- What kind of protection.
Bodyguards... men with guns.
We've got lots of
guns at camp Sarge.
We've got lots of guns at camp.
Isn't that brilliant
suggestion that's all I need.
2 hoodlums are after me,
I'm gonna get stuck in a camp,
where I can't get out
and they can't get in.
They can't get it in.
Perfect hideout, and I've got
the whole Army to protect me.
- Let's go.
- Hey, that's Ernie Bilko.
To the hide out.
Pvt. Papparelli. Cpl.
Fender, Henshaw, Doberman.
I never thought these gates
would look so good to me.
They will never be able to
touch you here Ernie, Barbella.
Doberman, Doberman here
don't you know where you live,
here move it. Come on fellas.
Stop stalling, every minute
I'm out here, my life is in danger.
How are you, glad to see you.
Hold it Bilko.
Look boys we will chat
some other time I'm in a hurry.
We'll chat now.
We got orders not
to let you into camp.
Orders?
Right from the Colonel you're
not allowed back in camp
until Gen. Hollander makes
his inspection tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will be killed
3 times by tomorrow.
Look boys, you had your
big laughs let me in here.
Can't do it Bilko.
We got orders.
Orders show me where
it says post regulation
that an American soldier can't
get into his own camp, show me.
Right there, as far as the Army
is concerned you're not here.
You're in Topeka.
- Hey Sarge, what's keeping you?
- Come on in.
- I can't come in you come on out.
- Nobody gets out without a pass.
- I just gave you my pass.
- Then you haven't got a pass.
- Come you gotta let us out.
Come on. Come on.
Hold it a minute, what is
the matter with you fellas.
Don't you understand these men
are just doing their duties
as American soldiers?
Why it is integrity,
and character like these
that is the backbone
of our American Army.
A devotion to duty
above all self-interest.
I'm glad you see
it that way Bilko.
Of course I do, now here is
10 bucks a piece, let me in here.
Bilko I'm going to throw
you in the guardhouse.
The guardhouse, for that I
will make 50 bucks please.
You're wasting your time Bilko.
Okay you guys now get inside
you're blocking the entrance.
Ah guys you're
blocking the entrance.
Will you get out of here Bilko?
Hut, hut new recruits.
How are you buddy,
welcome to your new home.
You're gonna love it here.
Can I show you around?
Let me show you
where you belong.
And stay out.
Ah the protection
that I get around here
I might as well be a civilian.
Civilian - what would a
civilian do if he's in trouble?
He'd call the police.
Hurry, hurry hallo
police, I need protection!
2 men are after
me they're killers.
I tell you they're killers.
Look send somebody,
send a SWAT car.
You can have the
phone in a minute.
I need, what, who is this,
a crank, a drunken crank.
How are you?
Well Bilko, nice we
caught up with you.
I'll wire Red we got him.
Give a break, fellas,
you know what kind of guy
this man Red is fellows.
We've never met him
we just work for him.
Oh is that all this to you, a
job, you will hold human life
so cheap hasn't every man
gotta a right to rich full life.
To smell the flowers,
to hear a child's laugh,
to see sun when it rises every
morning, I'm too young to die.
- Give me a break.
- Boy this one's a dilly.
Even a dilly has
a right to live.
What are you talking about?
All about your boss,
Red, he is a killer.
Killer Red?
Of course why do you
think he had you hunt me up?
He wants to rub me out
and you're his accomplices.
What did we get into?
Isn't it a little too
late to think of that.
Don't think he will be satisfied
with just rubbing me out.
Oh no, he will not want
witnesses, and you will be next.
- Boy I want to get out of this.
- Me too.
And what are we
going to tell Red.
Tell him it's a big country
you couldn't find me.
Okay Bilko but understand
one thing and remember
we never saw each other right.
We, we never saw
each other right.
Never saw you, be careful.
Hey look they're going
away and he is still alive.
Hey Sarge! Sarge! What happened?
Yeah what happened?
What about killers, you
know how I'm with killers.
These tough cookies you stand
up to them and they crumble.
Yeah but what happened?
Look If I tell you I will
miss the bus to Topeka.
Doberman give me
the bag over the fence.
Come on throw it over.
Doberman come on?
So long fellas... I
Must be the service entrance.
Cleveland bus gate 5.
All right buddy, I've got
time for the bus in Topeka.
Relax soldier there's
an hour's delay.
An hour's delay,
this is an outrage,
I will be late for a very
important appointment.
Sorry soldier there's
nothing we can do.
The Topeka bus just
blew the head gasket
it will take at least
an hour to fix it.
An hour, an hour now why
don't you people run this line
if you know what you...
what's the matter with that bus?
Now nothing but that's
the Cleveland Bus,
it's leaving in 2 minutes.
- In 2 minutes.
Can I see you a moment please?
Just come over
here and talk softly.
Tell me frankly, what
do I look like to you?
An Army Sergeant.
Good then the
disguise is perfect.
I don't look like a...
Captain?
Major?
A General?
A Colonel?
Sshh, okay now just talk
about the weather, hey mister.
How is everything here?
- It is nice.
- The bus is running fine?
Now look, I'm forced to trust
you, you're a citizen aren't you?
- Oh yeah.
- I'm on a top secret mission.
National security depends
on what I'm about to do,
and I'm forced to trust you.
You can understand I must get
to Topeka inconspicuously by bus.
- But Colonel.
- Don't mention it.
This is a lovely
station you have here.
If we talk something
what would you say?
- Well what can I do?
- You can make up your mind.
Are you with us,
are you with them?
All right everybody
off the Cleveland bus,
I said now you all get out.
Hey soldier this
should interest you.
Some G.I hit it lucky.
Boy I wish it was me.
Wait a minute that picture,
that's Red Thompson.
I was with this
guy in Guadalcanal.
Let me look at this.
Diamond prospector to
share fortune with mystery G.I.
Red Thompson, you
see that, there's his name.
Red Thompson new
diamond king, in New York
to share fortune with
soldier who saved his life.
He is not making his name
public for fear of fortune hunters.
Investigator seeking hero.
Seeking hero, that's
me I'm the hero.
- You?
- I was the guy that.
It's okay Cleveland
bus is cleared;
it's all ready to go Topeka.
Topeka I wanna go to New York
come on take it,
take it move, move.
Oh buy another
paper you civilian.
- Yes is this Red Thompson suite.
- That's right.
Be a good fellow,
tell Red the hero
that saved his life is here.
- Sure buddy.
Just in get in line
with the other heroes.
Wait a minute.
This is ridiculous,
come on boys.
Hey get back there; I'm
the one that saved Red.
- What do you?
- What are you doing here?
I was at the battle of
Oman. I saved Red's life.
Oh no this is ridiculous.
Yeah they're all nuts, I'm
the one who saved his life.
Good old Red.
Well you greed, greedy dreamers?
How low will men
sink to get money?
All right here. Hang on come on.
Look if you just hold it down
Mr. Tomson will
see you in a minute.
Listen I can save
you a lot of time.
Sure, sure buddy, just get
back in line and keep quiet.
Just trying to help
you out, oh no.
Hey you when he turns
you down don't go away
I may need you to help
me carry the money.
- Is that one good Charlie?
- On the button.
Can I get the names
of the captions?
Whenever you're ready, we've
got another room full out there.
Oh don't tell me I have to
go through that all over again.
Well it was your idea
to look for this guy.
If only those private detectives
would have been
able to find him.
According to their reports
there is no trace of him.
But Mr. Thompson why don't
you let my paper publish his name,
it might make it
easy to find him.
Because I don't want
this to be a public affair,
it's bad enough those
guys found out there already.
I just want to find
him, I'm gonna sit down
with him privately and
hand him the money.
Well should we start
showing them through?
Yes, you might as well.
Okay fellows, now
look one at a time.
One at a time.
Hey, Red it's good to
see you my old pal again,
you haven't changed a bit.
- He is not the one.
Hey you keep out of this
Mac, I know my old buddy.
Okay pal here, you
had your chance.
But I know I'm the one.
Sure you are the one.
What do you know?
I know I'm the one.
Now I'm glad I
didn't save his life.
Oh these poor fools,
when will men learn
honesty is the best policy?
Ain't it disgusting how many
phonies there are in the world?
Well they're not putting
anything over good red.
Keep that line moving will you?
Nice try paps, say hallo to
mademoiselle from averters.
Keep it moving?
All right next, Red have
no fear, Bilko is here.
All right next.
This is it Ernie
the rainbows end.
Red baby boy it's me. Not him.
Okay buddy.
Red don't you
remember 15 years ago?
Come on pal. Wait a
minute, 15 years ago.
Sure out!
15 years ago no wonder.
Hello city desk, oh Charlie
he didn't show today,
yeah we're knocking off.
Mr. Thompson, you're gonna
continue the search tomorrow.
No I don't think so.
He hasn't shown up by
now I don't think he ever will.
Too bad, he would have been one
of the richest men in the world.
- Red!
- Hey Ernie yeah.
- I know you.
- It's Bilko.
Here's the man.
Oh you look at you Ernie,
you haven't changed a bit.
Oh yes I have Red, 15
years ago in the jungle
I looked like this.
6 months later I
looked like this.
10 years later I
looked like this.
Ernie I don't care
what you look like,
you're the man
who saved my life.
And I'm gonna
make you a rich man.
- Oh you.
- This is the man.
- This is the man.
- I'm the man.
Take a picture.
Let's take a picture
with the money.
Are you gonna tell us the
story now Mr. Thompson.
Look, we'll give
you the story later.
Just give me a few minutes
alone with my pal anyway.
Where are the diamonds?
Did you bring any diamonds?
Look at you 15 years ago
you were digging fox holes,
today you're digging
diamonds you.
Ernie, it took a long
time and I finally hit it big
and you're sharing it with me!
Well if that's what makes
yah happy, you don't have to.
Here Ernie, I've
signed a blank check.
All you got to do is
fill it in for any amount.
- Any amount?
- Any amount Ernie?
All right Ernie, it's all right;
there's a mountain of diamonds.
Okay, a mountain of diamonds.
Mountains of diamonds.
Any amount... you fill
it in, Red I can't fill it in.
No you Ernie think big,
there's a mountain of diamonds.
No, no, a mountain, a mountain.
I want you to know one thing
that all my life I've dreamed
I'd meet a guy that
owned a diamond mine
and would give me a blank check.
Now it happened.
Red, Red, Red, we
gotta talk you right away.
Hey, hey will you,
you're jostling my zero.
What are you talking about
Ernie this is my partner.
- Partner, 7 zeros in a million.
- 6.
No use spoiling a check,
I'll just put a little
comma right there.
- Red we're broke.
- Broke?
Please people watch it,
please I'm working on a check.
What do you mean broke,
there's a mountain of diamonds.
A mountain, I will put
another zero right there.
Look they checked the
claim, they found out the land
belonged to the
Kimberley mining company.
- Bilko, I L K O.
- Oh no.
Here pal I hope you
don't think I was too greedy
I take care of a lot of
people. You understand.
Ernie did you hear
what the man said.
- What did he say?
- The land isn't ours.
I don't understand.
They checked the claim against
the Kimberly Mining Company.
It belongs to them.
Well can we just keep
that our little secret Red?
Ernie that's the way it
is in the diamond mining.
Well I guess I have
to go back to Africa
and start all over again Ernie.
By the time we
settle our hotel bill
and pay our passage
back we'll be broke.
- It was a mountain.
- Broke?
I've been broke
all of my life Ernie.
That's the way it goes.
Come on fellas, just time enough
to get under the berth
of the Congo Queen.
- Broke?
- So long Ernie.
- So long.
- And I'm sorry.
- Yeah, wait a minute partner.
- Partner?
You were willing to share
anything you had
with me, weren't you?
Yeah, oh the least I can do is
share anything I got with you.
Here is $100 bucks,
maybe that will help Red.
Oh jeez thanks for
the grubstake Ernie.
And you will see we will
make another diamond strike
and you're in.
Do me a favor, just
send me back the $100?
- So long Ernie.
- So long pal.
Hold on to that check,
it will be good someday.
- Yes sure.
- It will be good someday.
Why, why, why.
Red remember me, I'm
the one who saved your life.
Of course I remember
you, and here is your reward.
Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's show were:
Bob Gist who played
Red Thompson.
Joe Brown as Barney.
Pete Gumini as Joe
Otto Hulett as the
Bank President.
Ed Ryan and Bert Freed
were the 2 detectives.
Sam Schwartz as the pawn broker
and Eddie Hanley
as the bus attendant.
thing aren't they?
Now wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Go ahead Red show
him the other bag.
For 12 years I've been
tramping on these steaming,
stinking jungle,
searching for diamonds.
Now at last I found
them. They're real huh?
Red you really hit this time.
These are the purest
diamonds I've ever seen.
Congratulations
you're a millionaire.
We're rich! We're rich!
It is, I am going
right to Paris.
I'll go with you, and
I'm buying the plane.
How about you Red,
you coming with us?
- Nah count me out.
- Count you out?
Yeah now that I finally
made it, the first thing
I'm gonna do is keep a promise I
made to myself many years ago.
- A promise.
- Yap.
15 years ago at Guadalcanal
another soldier saved my life.
If it hadn't been for him,
I wouldn't be here now.
What are you gonna do?
Now he doesn't know it but
half of everything I have is his.
I'm gonna hire a private
detective to find him right away.
- Boy has he hit the jackpot!
- He deserves it.
The only thing is he's
such a sweet, loveable,
unassuming guy that I
know I'm going to have trouble
making him take the money.
- What's his name?
The sweetest guy that
ever lived, Sgt. Ernie Bilko.
- Search him again.
- I told you Sarge I'm broke.
He's lying go through every
pocket, scrape the cuffs.
He's clean Ernie, not a dime.
I don't understand you Doberman,
what happens to all your money.
I don't know Sarge,
you never tell me.
All right get back to work.
Poor blokes I get around here.
- Who's next?
- Papparelli.
Oh Papparelli the hoarder.
Papparelli baby boy the Sergeant
who loves you wants to see you.
Look alive come in
here Papparelli baby.
Yeah Sarge.
I don't understand it.
Here we are the highest
paid Army in the world
and I can't raise, a lousy
$100 bucks for a worthy cause.
Well why don't you
just forget about it Ernie?
Never, this is not just
an ordinary poker game.
This is the poker Olympics.
G.I.'s are coming from all over
the country to compete in this,
Fort Bragg, Camp Dix, even
Alaska is sending an entry.
And I can't raise
a lousy 100 bucks
to get to the fair for
the games in Topeka.
Are you sure you thought
of everybody Sarge?
Look face it, there
isn't a man in the world
I can even raise a nickel from.
You know something
you would've won
them Olympics hands down, Ernie.
- No contest.
Not only that this is the
biggest game they ever had,
all that money.
Look I keep telling you
it's not just the money;
it's a matter of sentiment.
Look!
Isn't this a lovely thing.
The poker Olympics cup.
Look at the way it's inscribed.
For meritorious and
distinguished achievement
in High-Low, One Eyed Jacks
Wild and spit in the ocean.
2 years in a row I won this cup.
One more win I would've
had a permanent possession.
Owning that cup means
a lot to you, ah Sarge.
I know it's silly
for a grown man
to feel this way about a
cup, but what I'm I gonna do.
That's the way I am.
Hey Sarge, what would you
do with it, if you won it for keeps?
- I'd hock it.
- Why don't you hock it now?
That would be dishonest,
I don't even own it.
That would be like stealing.
Why don't you hock it now?
Wait a minute,
today is Thursday,
isn't it? Pawn shop opens an
hour earlier? Let’s go.
No I won't sell this, this
is a priceless heirloom,
it's been in the
family for years.
- Be strong Sarge.
- Sarge you've gotta, Sarge.
Oh well if dad didn't
need the operation
I would never pawn this.
- How much?
- Nothing.
- It's real gold.
- It's ain't even tin.
But it has sentimental
value Sam.
To you not to me.
Look I'm desperate,
I've gotta raise $100.
Have I been a good
customer or not?
How much for this ring.
Sergeant it's my
graduation ring.
Well we all gotta
make sacrifices,
you still got your
diploma, haven't you?
How much Sam?
I never went to
school but believe me
I got a 1,000 graduation rings.
Sam I've gotta raise a $100.
Wanna buy a jeep?
How about a Sherman
tank slightly used?
Please Bilko get outta here.
You're interested in real
estate I will sell you a drill field,
- Drill field?
- How about it?
- Please Bilko now leave me alone.
- Come on Sarge, give up.
No there must
an institution left
that lends money to
honest people in need.
There must be.
The bank, what are we bothering.
- The bank is it still open.
- I don't what time is it?
Do you mind if I look at my
watch, thank you very much.
We still got an
half hour, come on.
Ah, oh I'm sorry Sam.
- Thank you Mr. Leamy.
- It's a pleasure, any time.
And here is your
book Mrs. Hammer.
Our little Christmas club
fund is really growing.
Thank you.
- Good afternoon Mrs. Hammer.
- Good afternoon.
Bilko.
Bilko.
Bilko.
Close the door, set the alarm.
Sorry Bilko the bank is closed.
Why now it's
only a quarter to 3.
How dare you, take me
to your President at once.
Mr. Leamy, how fortunate
we caught you before you left.
- No!
- Oh I love doing business
with a friendly bank.
- No!
Did you hear that, your
money is safe here?
Give me a banker with the
courage enough to say no.
- No!
- I wouldn't have any other
bank calendar on my wall.
That inspiring
picture of Pocahontas
rescuing John Smith
from the savages,
well I look at it
every night Sir.
Please, Bilko the
bank is closed.
Just a small loan, Mr. Leamy,
only $100 of course
I'm willing to pay
the prevailing interest rates.
Fortunately I have my 2
co-signers here with me.
If you just give
to me small bills
we'll be skidding
out of your way.
Bilko I have no interest
in doing business with you.
Did you hear that?
No interest. The man
has heart, believe me.
The widows and
investors of this bank
can sleep easy at night
with this man's hand
at the helm of
this institution...
Bilko this bank will not make
you a loan in a million years.
Well I can understand that,
why should you make a loan
to a simple G.I
who only securities
are the wounds he received
in defense of this country,
making the world
safe for free enterprise?
Of course I'm sure
you did your bit.
You bought bonds.
Oh I can't make these sudden
starts the shrapnel wounds...
Oh please don't worry
about public opinion.
I will see that the man
in the street understands
there's no room for
heart in business.
I can't turn suddenly,
you understand they just.
Would you help me please?
Bilko.
Did you call, somebody
called the pain
I can't hear when I'm,
did you call me Sir?
Bilko if I made you a bank loan,
the Federal Reserve
would close us up.
I don't think that's
the right thing.
But what I do with my own
money is my own business.
Just a minute, Mr. Leamy,
I don't want charity.
Well I...
- If you insist,
believe me you've earned the
thanks of a humble dough boy
and I will see that you
get back every cent of it.
We got it. We got it.
Get his number I want this
man to have a box of cigars,
you're doing a grand job.
Lock up after us, you never
know what can happen.
Well Sarge you're
all set for Topeka,
now you got your bus tickets.
- Right here buddy.
- You got the money.
Right here pal, all I've
got to do is get the Colonel
to sign this pass,
and it's off to Topeka
for the Poker Olympics.
Hey Sarge how did you get
the Colonel to give you the pass.
I forgot the excuse
that I gave him,
all I know I left him in tears.
Edna my vision in khaki,
is our beloved Colonel in?
Yeah Ernie.
You're doing a grand
job for the war effort.
If I can only remember
the excuse I gave him.
- It will come to me.
- Good afternoon Sir.
Oh you Bilko, about your pass.
Thank you Sir if you just sign
I'll be out of your
way in no time Sir.
Bilko I want you to know
you have my sympathy.
Thank you very much Sir.
Well Bilko I suppose this is
one pass you hate to take.
That is the way it is, but I
have to if you'll just sign Sir.
- I don't know.
- I suppose they're doing
everything that they can do.
Everything is being done
Sir, if you'll just sign Sir.
I don't know.
I must say I admire
your courage.
Thank you very much Sir.
But you probably don't
want to talk about it.
When I get back Sir we
will have a nice long chat,
if you'll just sign Sir please.
The only thing, Bilko,
it's funny that I didn't
read about it in the papers.
A thing like this doesn't
happen every day.
- Oh I wouldn't say that Sir.
- You wouldn't!
When a 7,000 lb meteor
falls in your backyard,
knocks your 93 year old
aunt out of her hammock.
Ah Sir.
Oh no wonder you
didn't want to talk about it.
Oh Sir, when I think the havoc
these uncontrolled meteors
are causing, why it's
like an astronomical fall.
There was auntie sitting
there, she didn't know that...
Come in.
Sir this message just arrived
from Corps headquarters.
Gen. Hollander will be
at Fort Baxter tomorrow.
Gen. Hollander that means a
complete inspection of the post.
I suppose you want
all leaves cancelled.
At once. I'm sorry Bilko.
Sir the little old woman
that's waiting in Topeka Sir.
Bilko you know this inspection
takes priority over everything.
The general is a stickler
about the motor pool.
Lieutenant, have
all the units alerted
about the inspection tomorrow.
- Yes Sir.
Excuse me Sir
this Gen. Hollander.
Is that the same General
who inspected us last year?
- Yes.
- Oh thank heavens.
I'll have a chance
to apologize to him.
Apologize, apologize for what.
Well you remember Sir,
he was examining the jeep
he had his head under the hood
and I accidentally
leaned on the horn.
I remember he
was deaf for a week.
Was he ever mad Sir?
He certainly was,
Bilko he gave us
the lowest rating we ever got.
Well thank heavens I
can apologize to him
this time and he can hear me.
The noise of that
horn still stays with me.
Beep, beep, beep.
Bilko, I don't want you to
go near Gen. Hollander.
- I don't want him reminded.
- Sir.
In fact get off the post.
Sir as the Sergeant
of the motor pool
it's my duty Sir
to see that he's.
Well I'm relieving
you of that duty.
Here is your pass, go.
I know he is not
due until tomorrow
but I won't take any chances.
But Sir I'm perfectly
willing to do all I can
to make the General.
- Go!
- Yes Sir.
Thought they were real sharpies
you know? I beat em out of a $400 pot
with a possible pair of nines.
Well here is to the
Poker Olympics.
- Oh please.
- And to this year's champ.
Bring home the
cup for keeps Ernie.
Yeah.
Oh well. Thank you gentlemen
for this vote of confidence
and you can depend
upon me because
have these fingers
every failed you.
Please observe these hands,
there's only 3 pair of hands
in the entire world,
Hiefitz, Stokowski and Bilko.
Hey Sarge, you
better get started
that bus for Topeka
leaves in a half hour.
Doberman get my bag out of
the check room, on the double.
Miss, waitress, check please.
Ah, this looks like a
hangout for soldiers.
Maybe we can
find this Bilko here.
Yeah, I hope so, that
guy in Africa sure is hot
to get a hold of him.
Yeah I don't know why,
he said if we get Bilko
back to New York by
Saturday it's a bonus for us.
There's a bunch over
there maybe they know him.
Now this seems to tally up,
all right Miss give me your
pencil I will sign this check.
You're gonna sign
it, I'll get the manager.
All right if you are going
to get sticky about it,
here, pay this.
Excuse me fellas, we're
trying to locate a soldier.
Well you came
to the right table.
We know every
soldier at Fort Baxter.
Good maybe you can help us
catch up with a guy named Bilko.
- Bilko?
- Hey Sarge that's,
Why don't you eat
you're never eating.
What were you saying?
We'd sure like to
get our hands on him.
- What for?
- Well that's not our business?
We're just doing a job for a guy
who will do anything to
get his hands on Bilko.
- You say his name was Bliko?
- Bilko.
- Sarge, that's.
- Why don't you, you never eat.
He's a prisoner of war.
We're trying to get back
on the road to health.
Now this Bilko, you
sure that was the name?
That is a strange name.
Maybe Red got that name wrong.
Red?
Well what about it soldier,
do you know this Bilko?
It just came back to me, I
never heard of him in my life
and If I did I would've known,
you boys ever hear this Jilko.
Bilko, Bilko, his
first name is Ernie.
Ernie Bilko, now
think if you ever.
- Sarge!
- Now that you're never eating.
Eat, eat. Bilko did you
ever hear the name.
Think, think we'd like
to help these gentlemen.
I, I never heard of him, never.
- Never, I too.
- It don't hit me.
Hey why don't you
try the marines?
Here's your bag Ernie.
Not Ernie, the name is
Bernard I told him a 100 times.
That is my name
Bernard Schlesinger;
I hate people taking
abuse of my name.
Not Bernard Bernard Schlesinger.
Have you got it straight?
- Bernard!
All right now you got it,
now get that back in the jeep.
Can't stand it when
they get frivolous with;
I wish I could help
you with this problem
but I never heard of this chap.
Thanks anyway soldier.
Well you just call out
Bernard Schlesinger
and glad to be of service.
- See yah.
- Have a nice day gentlemen.
- Hey Sarge what it's all about?
- Who knows?
- Red is after me.
- Red who?
It can be a million
Reds, who knows?
Red Hagerman, no him I paid.
Maybe Red Peterson, he
is just the type that would,
no he believed me.
- Who, who with.
- Red Barker!
- Red Barker?
- Yeah it was years ago.
We formed a partnership
to play the stock market;
it was split right
down the middle.
He supplied the money
I supplied the brains.
It didn't work out huh?
Red ran out of money
before I ran out of brains.
Sarge that was years ago,
he probably forgot about it.
You don't know this Red Barker.
A vicious vindictive type,
laid low all these years
waiting to strike when
I'm in the prime of life.
You better get on
that bus for Topeka fast
before those mugs
find out you're Bilko.
That's the stupidest
idea I ever heard.
Go to Topeka alone
where I don't know anybody
they will find me, they
will have me tailed.
- I need protection.
- What kind of protection.
Bodyguards... men with guns.
We've got lots of
guns at camp Sarge.
We've got lots of guns at camp.
Isn't that brilliant
suggestion that's all I need.
2 hoodlums are after me,
I'm gonna get stuck in a camp,
where I can't get out
and they can't get in.
They can't get it in.
Perfect hideout, and I've got
the whole Army to protect me.
- Let's go.
- Hey, that's Ernie Bilko.
To the hide out.
Pvt. Papparelli. Cpl.
Fender, Henshaw, Doberman.
I never thought these gates
would look so good to me.
They will never be able to
touch you here Ernie, Barbella.
Doberman, Doberman here
don't you know where you live,
here move it. Come on fellas.
Stop stalling, every minute
I'm out here, my life is in danger.
How are you, glad to see you.
Hold it Bilko.
Look boys we will chat
some other time I'm in a hurry.
We'll chat now.
We got orders not
to let you into camp.
Orders?
Right from the Colonel you're
not allowed back in camp
until Gen. Hollander makes
his inspection tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will be killed
3 times by tomorrow.
Look boys, you had your
big laughs let me in here.
Can't do it Bilko.
We got orders.
Orders show me where
it says post regulation
that an American soldier can't
get into his own camp, show me.
Right there, as far as the Army
is concerned you're not here.
You're in Topeka.
- Hey Sarge, what's keeping you?
- Come on in.
- I can't come in you come on out.
- Nobody gets out without a pass.
- I just gave you my pass.
- Then you haven't got a pass.
- Come you gotta let us out.
Come on. Come on.
Hold it a minute, what is
the matter with you fellas.
Don't you understand these men
are just doing their duties
as American soldiers?
Why it is integrity,
and character like these
that is the backbone
of our American Army.
A devotion to duty
above all self-interest.
I'm glad you see
it that way Bilko.
Of course I do, now here is
10 bucks a piece, let me in here.
Bilko I'm going to throw
you in the guardhouse.
The guardhouse, for that I
will make 50 bucks please.
You're wasting your time Bilko.
Okay you guys now get inside
you're blocking the entrance.
Ah guys you're
blocking the entrance.
Will you get out of here Bilko?
Hut, hut new recruits.
How are you buddy,
welcome to your new home.
You're gonna love it here.
Can I show you around?
Let me show you
where you belong.
And stay out.
Ah the protection
that I get around here
I might as well be a civilian.
Civilian - what would a
civilian do if he's in trouble?
He'd call the police.
Hurry, hurry hallo
police, I need protection!
2 men are after
me they're killers.
I tell you they're killers.
Look send somebody,
send a SWAT car.
You can have the
phone in a minute.
I need, what, who is this,
a crank, a drunken crank.
How are you?
Well Bilko, nice we
caught up with you.
I'll wire Red we got him.
Give a break, fellas,
you know what kind of guy
this man Red is fellows.
We've never met him
we just work for him.
Oh is that all this to you, a
job, you will hold human life
so cheap hasn't every man
gotta a right to rich full life.
To smell the flowers,
to hear a child's laugh,
to see sun when it rises every
morning, I'm too young to die.
- Give me a break.
- Boy this one's a dilly.
Even a dilly has
a right to live.
What are you talking about?
All about your boss,
Red, he is a killer.
Killer Red?
Of course why do you
think he had you hunt me up?
He wants to rub me out
and you're his accomplices.
What did we get into?
Isn't it a little too
late to think of that.
Don't think he will be satisfied
with just rubbing me out.
Oh no, he will not want
witnesses, and you will be next.
- Boy I want to get out of this.
- Me too.
And what are we
going to tell Red.
Tell him it's a big country
you couldn't find me.
Okay Bilko but understand
one thing and remember
we never saw each other right.
We, we never saw
each other right.
Never saw you, be careful.
Hey look they're going
away and he is still alive.
Hey Sarge! Sarge! What happened?
Yeah what happened?
What about killers, you
know how I'm with killers.
These tough cookies you stand
up to them and they crumble.
Yeah but what happened?
Look If I tell you I will
miss the bus to Topeka.
Doberman give me
the bag over the fence.
Come on throw it over.
Doberman come on?
So long fellas... I
Must be the service entrance.
Cleveland bus gate 5.
All right buddy, I've got
time for the bus in Topeka.
Relax soldier there's
an hour's delay.
An hour's delay,
this is an outrage,
I will be late for a very
important appointment.
Sorry soldier there's
nothing we can do.
The Topeka bus just
blew the head gasket
it will take at least
an hour to fix it.
An hour, an hour now why
don't you people run this line
if you know what you...
what's the matter with that bus?
Now nothing but that's
the Cleveland Bus,
it's leaving in 2 minutes.
- In 2 minutes.
Can I see you a moment please?
Just come over
here and talk softly.
Tell me frankly, what
do I look like to you?
An Army Sergeant.
Good then the
disguise is perfect.
I don't look like a...
Captain?
Major?
A General?
A Colonel?
Sshh, okay now just talk
about the weather, hey mister.
How is everything here?
- It is nice.
- The bus is running fine?
Now look, I'm forced to trust
you, you're a citizen aren't you?
- Oh yeah.
- I'm on a top secret mission.
National security depends
on what I'm about to do,
and I'm forced to trust you.
You can understand I must get
to Topeka inconspicuously by bus.
- But Colonel.
- Don't mention it.
This is a lovely
station you have here.
If we talk something
what would you say?
- Well what can I do?
- You can make up your mind.
Are you with us,
are you with them?
All right everybody
off the Cleveland bus,
I said now you all get out.
Hey soldier this
should interest you.
Some G.I hit it lucky.
Boy I wish it was me.
Wait a minute that picture,
that's Red Thompson.
I was with this
guy in Guadalcanal.
Let me look at this.
Diamond prospector to
share fortune with mystery G.I.
Red Thompson, you
see that, there's his name.
Red Thompson new
diamond king, in New York
to share fortune with
soldier who saved his life.
He is not making his name
public for fear of fortune hunters.
Investigator seeking hero.
Seeking hero, that's
me I'm the hero.
- You?
- I was the guy that.
It's okay Cleveland
bus is cleared;
it's all ready to go Topeka.
Topeka I wanna go to New York
come on take it,
take it move, move.
Oh buy another
paper you civilian.
- Yes is this Red Thompson suite.
- That's right.
Be a good fellow,
tell Red the hero
that saved his life is here.
- Sure buddy.
Just in get in line
with the other heroes.
Wait a minute.
This is ridiculous,
come on boys.
Hey get back there; I'm
the one that saved Red.
- What do you?
- What are you doing here?
I was at the battle of
Oman. I saved Red's life.
Oh no this is ridiculous.
Yeah they're all nuts, I'm
the one who saved his life.
Good old Red.
Well you greed, greedy dreamers?
How low will men
sink to get money?
All right here. Hang on come on.
Look if you just hold it down
Mr. Tomson will
see you in a minute.
Listen I can save
you a lot of time.
Sure, sure buddy, just get
back in line and keep quiet.
Just trying to help
you out, oh no.
Hey you when he turns
you down don't go away
I may need you to help
me carry the money.
- Is that one good Charlie?
- On the button.
Can I get the names
of the captions?
Whenever you're ready, we've
got another room full out there.
Oh don't tell me I have to
go through that all over again.
Well it was your idea
to look for this guy.
If only those private detectives
would have been
able to find him.
According to their reports
there is no trace of him.
But Mr. Thompson why don't
you let my paper publish his name,
it might make it
easy to find him.
Because I don't want
this to be a public affair,
it's bad enough those
guys found out there already.
I just want to find
him, I'm gonna sit down
with him privately and
hand him the money.
Well should we start
showing them through?
Yes, you might as well.
Okay fellows, now
look one at a time.
One at a time.
Hey, Red it's good to
see you my old pal again,
you haven't changed a bit.
- He is not the one.
Hey you keep out of this
Mac, I know my old buddy.
Okay pal here, you
had your chance.
But I know I'm the one.
Sure you are the one.
What do you know?
I know I'm the one.
Now I'm glad I
didn't save his life.
Oh these poor fools,
when will men learn
honesty is the best policy?
Ain't it disgusting how many
phonies there are in the world?
Well they're not putting
anything over good red.
Keep that line moving will you?
Nice try paps, say hallo to
mademoiselle from averters.
Keep it moving?
All right next, Red have
no fear, Bilko is here.
All right next.
This is it Ernie
the rainbows end.
Red baby boy it's me. Not him.
Okay buddy.
Red don't you
remember 15 years ago?
Come on pal. Wait a
minute, 15 years ago.
Sure out!
15 years ago no wonder.
Hello city desk, oh Charlie
he didn't show today,
yeah we're knocking off.
Mr. Thompson, you're gonna
continue the search tomorrow.
No I don't think so.
He hasn't shown up by
now I don't think he ever will.
Too bad, he would have been one
of the richest men in the world.
- Red!
- Hey Ernie yeah.
- I know you.
- It's Bilko.
Here's the man.
Oh you look at you Ernie,
you haven't changed a bit.
Oh yes I have Red, 15
years ago in the jungle
I looked like this.
6 months later I
looked like this.
10 years later I
looked like this.
Ernie I don't care
what you look like,
you're the man
who saved my life.
And I'm gonna
make you a rich man.
- Oh you.
- This is the man.
- This is the man.
- I'm the man.
Take a picture.
Let's take a picture
with the money.
Are you gonna tell us the
story now Mr. Thompson.
Look, we'll give
you the story later.
Just give me a few minutes
alone with my pal anyway.
Where are the diamonds?
Did you bring any diamonds?
Look at you 15 years ago
you were digging fox holes,
today you're digging
diamonds you.
Ernie, it took a long
time and I finally hit it big
and you're sharing it with me!
Well if that's what makes
yah happy, you don't have to.
Here Ernie, I've
signed a blank check.
All you got to do is
fill it in for any amount.
- Any amount?
- Any amount Ernie?
All right Ernie, it's all right;
there's a mountain of diamonds.
Okay, a mountain of diamonds.
Mountains of diamonds.
Any amount... you fill
it in, Red I can't fill it in.
No you Ernie think big,
there's a mountain of diamonds.
No, no, a mountain, a mountain.
I want you to know one thing
that all my life I've dreamed
I'd meet a guy that
owned a diamond mine
and would give me a blank check.
Now it happened.
Red, Red, Red, we
gotta talk you right away.
Hey, hey will you,
you're jostling my zero.
What are you talking about
Ernie this is my partner.
- Partner, 7 zeros in a million.
- 6.
No use spoiling a check,
I'll just put a little
comma right there.
- Red we're broke.
- Broke?
Please people watch it,
please I'm working on a check.
What do you mean broke,
there's a mountain of diamonds.
A mountain, I will put
another zero right there.
Look they checked the
claim, they found out the land
belonged to the
Kimberley mining company.
- Bilko, I L K O.
- Oh no.
Here pal I hope you
don't think I was too greedy
I take care of a lot of
people. You understand.
Ernie did you hear
what the man said.
- What did he say?
- The land isn't ours.
I don't understand.
They checked the claim against
the Kimberly Mining Company.
It belongs to them.
Well can we just keep
that our little secret Red?
Ernie that's the way it
is in the diamond mining.
Well I guess I have
to go back to Africa
and start all over again Ernie.
By the time we
settle our hotel bill
and pay our passage
back we'll be broke.
- It was a mountain.
- Broke?
I've been broke
all of my life Ernie.
That's the way it goes.
Come on fellas, just time enough
to get under the berth
of the Congo Queen.
- Broke?
- So long Ernie.
- So long.
- And I'm sorry.
- Yeah, wait a minute partner.
- Partner?
You were willing to share
anything you had
with me, weren't you?
Yeah, oh the least I can do is
share anything I got with you.
Here is $100 bucks,
maybe that will help Red.
Oh jeez thanks for
the grubstake Ernie.
And you will see we will
make another diamond strike
and you're in.
Do me a favor, just
send me back the $100?
- So long Ernie.
- So long pal.
Hold on to that check,
it will be good someday.
- Yes sure.
- It will be good someday.
Why, why, why.
Red remember me, I'm
the one who saved your life.
Of course I remember
you, and here is your reward.
Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's show were:
Bob Gist who played
Red Thompson.
Joe Brown as Barney.
Pete Gumini as Joe
Otto Hulett as the
Bank President.
Ed Ryan and Bert Freed
were the 2 detectives.
Sam Schwartz as the pawn broker
and Eddie Hanley
as the bus attendant.