The Phil Silvers Show (1955–1959): Season 3, Episode 37 - Papa Bilko - full transcript

A little girl, befriended by Bilko while he was stationed in France during World War II, pays a visit to Ft. Baxter - only she's not little, anymore.

(barking orders)

(French)

Hallo, hallo, hallo! The
crazy American is here.

Ah, bonsoir Sgt. Bilko!

Bonsoir (French),

oh bonsoir ma cheri oooh,

how did the Follies
Bergère let you get away?

Sergeant, [French]
I am so sorry,

again there is
nothing to eat tonight.

All I have is soup
made from potato peels.

Oh again soup from potato
peels uh, why don't you add these.



It might give it a little spice.

Oh grandma,

bread and salami

and cheese and wine.

Oh wait a minute ma
cheri I didn't forget you.

A box of snuff.

Oh take it easy cheri.
Remember you may have to drive.

Sergeant, it was a blessing
when they let you here.

Where did you get all
these wonderful things?

Oh that's a military secret.
I'll tell you after the war.

Ah, papa Bilko!

Ah ma petite,
Mignon, how are you?

Why aren't you in bed, huh?
What are you doing up so late?

Bet you thought
I forgot you huh?



Close your eyes, close
your eyes, ah voilà?

Bubble gum.

Tomorrow I chew it
and blow boobles?

- No, no.
- You mean you blow bubbles.

Speak real American, bubbles.

- Ah, oui boobles.
- No, no listen to me now bub.

- Bub.
- Bub

- Bles.
- Bles

- Bubbles.
- Boobles.

Have it your way, blow boobles.

My petit you naughty
girl, you should be in bed.

Yeah, yes, remember
you must get your rest

so you grow up to
be a big strong girl.

Remember what papa Bilko
promised you when you grow up?

Oui, I get on big, big
boat, I go to America.

And my papa Bilko will show
me everything in America.

- She remembers all right.
- Come on off to bed, off to bed.

- Please.
- You want to cut.

- What?
- Just sing to me.

What am I going to do with her?

Okay, one song then
it's off for bed, okay?

And remember no
fooling around. Sit down.

Let me see, song, song, song.

Ah, (Singing) ♪ Au
claire de la lune ♪

- Pluma.
- No, no ploma.

- Pluma.
- Ploma.

- Plu - Plu

- Ma.
- Ma.

- Pluma.
- Boobles.

- Hallo Helen?
- Who is this?

This is Ernie
Bilko you lucky girl.

Look, Helen I'm here
with some of the boys.

We figure you get
some of your friends,

meet us, we'll hit the
high spots together.

What do you say Helen baby?

What? Pearly Johnson?

Well, look Helen. Helen?

That's it. She hung up.

Has she got a date
with Pearly Johnson?

No, but she's afraid to budge
out of the house in case he calls.

- Who do we call next Sarge?
- Look, pal, there is no next.

We've run out of girls.

Jeez, if we could only
get Pearly Johnson

transferred to our outfit,
he'd us all the girls we want.

Yeah, I'd settle
for his rejects.

Would you stop
dreaming you guys?

You know Pearly
Johnson's in Grover's platoon

and Grover ain't going
to let go off a good thing.

That's not the end of it.

There must be some other
girls somewhere, some place.

Those other states
but Kansas you know.

Oh Ernie give up.
Let's go bowling.

Bowling? On a Saturday night?

Is this why we joined
the Army, to go bowling?

- There's a girl.
- Sarge, come on!

- What? What?
- Hallo Marge.

If you're asking for a
date the answer is no.

No, why?

I'm holding out for Pearly
Johnson, that's why.

Pearly Johnson again, I
tell you it's a monopoly.

Let's get out... well if it
ain't old buddy Grover

and Pearly Johnson
and the lovely ladies.

I don't think I
caught their names.

I didn't throw them.

Funny the way he came back
at me, he didn't throw them.

Funny, he is funny.

Ah, we're having a lot of fun,
why don't you join our party.

Party, I have seen better
parties in the isolation ward.

Look, Bilko stop trying to
mooch in on me and Pearly.

Where would you
like to sit Pearly?

Any place at all.

- Pearly?
- Excuse me.

Do you want to go
bowling, it's a lot of fun.

Pearly, here is your steak,
just the way you like, huh?

Oh I can tell by
looking at it it's too rare.

Oh all right, I'll take it.

Don't touch it,
I'll kill that cook.

You're going to get it
just the way you like it.

- All right.
- Now look, I'll be right back.

But in the meantime,
play your high five,

huh Pearly, Pearly, Pearly.

Hey, Pearly buddy
boy how is everything?

How are they treating you?
It's stuffy in here, isn't it?

These barracks always
had a bad exposure, no sun.

- Oh I can't really care.
- Eh, how is the food.

Never could lick the dampness,

it's damp, gets right
into your marrow.

I'll tell you, I
don't really mind

because Grover got
me an electric blanket.

Oh look, I'd be careful
if I were in this barracks.

The wiring is very faulty.

Now look, Bilko,
everything is fine.

I like the quarters,
the food is good.

- And the wine?
- How is the wine?

- The wine?
- You're kidding?

No. How do you like this?

Grover doesn't give
him wine with his meals.

Are they exploiting you?

Too bad you're not
over at our platoon,

we just got in a new
shipment of Chablis 1947

and may I add that's just
a very amusing little wine.

Speaking of wine, why don't
they make this a wine cellar.

They never could lick
the dampness in here.

Look, Bilko I am happy here now.

What do I want to
transfer to your platoon for?

Transfer?

Say I'd never
think of breaking up

this happy little
arrangement you have here.

Well, get a load
of this gallery.

- Wow, hey Pearly, who's this?
- Ah, Ms. Pensacola, 1956.

Boy, did I have a
tough job losing her!

Where did you lose her,
where was she staying?

Hey did you see
this, did you read that,

the championship
Mambo dancing 1955.

You dance too, huh?

Yeah a little bit, I mean
you name it away we go.

- There we go.
- Ask him Sarge, ask him.

Oh look Pearly, I'll tell you
what I wanted to see you about.

- You know Papparelli here?
- Oh yeah.

- Everybody likes Dino.
- He's one of the nice... all right.

He is... all right, all right.

He's got a 24 hour pass
and he's going to a dance

and he hasn't got a date,
can you help him out?

Oh well I don't know Grover...

Look, look it doesn't have to
be a beauty contest winner.

No, I'll take a loser.

Look, a fellow soldier in need,

you know he may be
shipped out any minute.

Look, he's begging
you, he's begging you.

I'm on my knees Pearly, please.

Pearly.

Okay, but don't you let
Grover find out about this.

- Not a word.
- Help yourself.

Hey, hey I'll handle that.

This is precious,
the book, the book!

The golden treasury!

Let me see, how
do you like this?

He's got an index, cross-filed.

He's got a page for
blondes, brunettes,

redheads, he's even
got a page for crew cuts.

You are an equal,
you're an operator.

What do you want?

- A girl, a blonde!
- A blonde, how tall?

5' 2".

5' 2" blonde, blondes in the
5' 2" area, turn to page 14.

You're a master, everything,
oh this is perfect for you.

Blonde 5' 2" dimples, turned
up nose, has sports car.

I'll take it. I'll take it.
Oh thank you, thank you.

What is going on
here? Get out of here?

Why are you screaming?

I warned you Bilko to
stay away from Pearly.

He's mine. I'm sorry Pearly.

They didn't have a steak
good enough for you.

So, I'm going to take you to
town and buy you the best.

How do you like this.

It's obvious he doesn't
know the right people.

He couldn't even get
you a decent steak.

- Now listen, Bilko.
- What do you want steak?

You want chops, you want
duck, you want roast pheasant,

guinea hen, name it kid.

Get your coat,
let's get out of here.

I'm warning you Bilko,
stay away from Pearly.

Look, Pearly use your head,

come over to our platoon
you'll be comfortable.

We've got wall to wall
carpeting, comfy and quiet.

Sarge, Sarge why don't
you forget about him.

Yes, Sarge, Grover
will never let him go.

No, I'll never let up on him,

we've got to have Pearly
Johnson in our platoon.

Did you just say
that address book?

And that was only volume 1.

Yeah but how Ernie,
how're we gonna get him?

How, how? We're
going to treat it like war.

Pearly Johnson is our objective
and Grover is our enemy.

Now we find out our enemy's
weakness and we exploit it.

Now what is our
enemy's weakness?

Cpl. Barbella, you'll
prepare my eye shade,

and the playing cards,
and the sandpaper

and please don't touch me
from this point on, I'm still...

And don't think
it hasn't been fun,

well boys, let's get some sleep.

Huh, you're not
running out on me Bilko.

You've got to give me a
chance to get my money back.

Well of course but
you haven't any money.

- I'll put up my watch.
- Watch?

I've got a watch and
heavens look at the time,

come on let's get out of here.

How about the camera
I got in Germany?

Oh you've got one of those
too, wonderful mechanisms,

those little built-in
light meters aren't they?

Oh I am sleepy, come
on let's get some rest.

Look, I'll put up my
proudest possession,

the Japanese sword I
captured from the general.

Oh, you only got one of those?

I'll send you over 4 you
can cross them on the wall.

- Bilko, listen!
- What?

Look, I tell you I'm not
gonna repeat it again Pearly,

ah I mean Grover.

You've got nothing I want,
absolutely nothing I want.

Now forget it. Get some sleep.

Oh well, one more thing,
I borrowed a dollar today

from that guy in your
platoon. What's his name?

Ah, Pearly Johnson, yeah
will you give him this dollar,

his name is Pearly,
Pearly Johnson.

He is in your platoon,
you know the guy I mean.

Pearly Johnson, think of it.

Pearly Johnson?
Bilko, Bilko! Bilko! P...

Jeez Pearly, it sure is great
having you in our platoon.

Good old Pearly,
now we can really live.

Come on Papparelli
we'll start with you.

Jeez, Pearly I hope
I can remember it.

Just concentrate
on the problem, huh?

All right, now you're in a
strange town dance hall,

you don't a soul but
you’d like to dance

with the most beautiful
girl in the place,

when she comes walking by
you do what I told you all right.

Okay, Doberman.
- Please miss, you're not leaving.

I beg your pardon, we
haven't been introduced.

Introduced?

Is the bee introduced
to the flower,

is the ocean
introduced to the shore,

is the nightingale
introduced to the rock, is...

All right, drop that,
what's going on here?

Is this the lonely hearts club?

This is still the Motor Pool
and there is work to be done.

All right, (barking orders)

Not you Pearly.

I'm ready for my lesson.

Where did we
leave off last time.

Let me see, I've just taken the
girl home, we're on the porch,

I said goodnight what
do I do next go ahead.

Well, there are some
girls you take them home,

the minute you get
them on the porch, boom.

- Right into your arms.
- Genius, genius!

Oh and then there
is the shy, naïve kind.

Oh those are the murderers.
What do you do with them?

Well with that kind
I usually use the

there is something
in the eye routine.

Something in the
eye? What's that?

Well that kind you take
them home and you act like

the last thing in the world
you want to do is kiss 'em.

Oh tricky, sly, an
artist to his fingertips.

While you're shaking
hands like a big brother,

you're saying goodnight,
just as you're telling them

what a lovely
evening you had, oops,

- I've got something in my eye.
- Oh I get it.

Then she takes out
her little handkerchief,

she starts to get out of
your... the faces getting closer,

first thing you know it you're
hugging and kissing and hugging.

That's an artist.
Bow, bow to an artist.

Ms. Hogan, where are those
paper from the Quartermaster Corps?

They are on the file
cabinet, I'll get them for you.

Oh never mind. I'll get them.

Bon jour, mademoiselle.

Oh hello, what can I do for you?

I am looking for a soldier.

We've got lots of
soldiers around here.

- What's his name?
- Papa Bilko.

Papa Bilko?

Oui, I come all the way
from France to see him.

I did not see him
since I was a little girl.

Papa Ernie Bilko?
Oui papa Ernie Bilko.

They're all alike Sarge
if you handle them right.

Give them a little
sweet talk, a little flattery.

They melt like butter.

Yeah.

Hey, Pearly there is one
thing I meant to ask you.

With all these girls
crazy about you,

how come you never got
hooked, you know married?

Please, Sarge, I've got a
good thing going for me.

Never, never use that word
in front of me, marriage?

Wait a minute.

Hello Motor Pool,
Sgt. Bilko reporting.

Oh hello, Joan Honey.

Don't you honey me.

You better get over
here right away Sgt. Bilko.

You're daughter just
arrived from France.

Very funny, very funny,
do me a favor, will you?

When my son comes in from
Hong Kong be sure to let me know,

I'll be right over.
- Hey, Sarge, what's up?

Oh that Joan Hogan.

She wants the morning reports,

but she won't come
right out and ask for them.

She's got make a joke about it.

Oh, there you are my
industrious beauties.

Yeah, Joan here is
the morning reports,

and I must say your little
jokes get a chuckle out of me.

Well I'm glad, because
here's something

that ought to give
you a big laugh.

- What?
- Come on in honey.

Papa Bilko. Papa Bilko.

Hey wait, what is
this? She is a spy Sir.

If you search her
you'll find cameras, Sir.

- Please.
- But papa Bilko.

Oh come on knock
off that phony accent.

Sir, we have to be
careful, the foreign powers

are sending them over
younger everyday Sir.

Bilko shame on you, denying
your responsibility as a father.

You monster, you could
at least have told me.

Told you what?

Papa Bilko you do not
remember Mignon, Mignon Duval?

Oh please don't you see,
they divide and conquer,

they Mignon, you?

- Little Mignon Duval?
- Oui.

- Baby.
- Papa Bilko it's good to see you.

It's good to see
you. How is mama?

- Mama?
- This is shocking!

It's a good thing
you found out in time.

- You beast!
- Oh wait a minute.

Now you got this all wrong.

Look, there is a
misunderstanding.

When she says papa Bilko,
she don't mean papa Bilko.

In France it's different
she means pa-pa Bilko.

I don't know it loses
something in the translation.

Sir, believe me, there is a
misunderstand, honey explain.

Oui monsieur, mademoiselle, you
misunderstood about papa Bilko.

- Papa Bilko.
- Wait, wait would you listen?

- No, no.
- He is not really my papa?

- He isn't?
- No. No.

- Listen.
- It is how you would say just a.

A term of endearment.

You see, during the war I
was billeted at the Duval farm.

She was a little baby.

And in fact every night
he tells me bedtime stories

and he sings to me,
remember papa Bilko?

How could I forget?

(singing) Now what's the matter?

That's why she
calls you papa Bilko?

- Yes.
- It's so sweet.

- I didn't understand.
- Yeah now you do.

Joanie do me a favor,
take Mignon over to Ritzik's.

I want to arrange a
welcome party tonight.

I want the boys in the
platoon to meet her.

You want all the
boys to meet Mignon?

- Sure.
- I would love to meet the boys.

And you will, what's
the matter with you?

What? What did I say wrong?

All right, all right
buster move it,

walk, walk (barking orders)

You see what I mean?

He is nuts she is only a child
what do you expect that some.

(barking orders)

Hey, she was a child
take a look at her now.

I have grown, eh papa Bilko.

Yeah I didn't figure on that.

Look, honey take
this grip it is not heavy.

Take her over to Ritzik's
and I'll join you there later.

Where are you going?

I want to go down town
to get her some clothes.

Oh papa Bilko, but I
have still lots of clothes.

Ah, well do what I say,
papa Bilko knows best,

come on run along,
take her with you go on.

The P.X is that way, move!

Ernie if you'll take my advice
you'll ship Mignon right off

to those relatives of
hers in San Francisco.

Nothing doing, I promised her
a visit and she is going to stay.

But honey a girl is
a big responsibility.

Would you relax, let papa
Bilko worry about everything.

- Where are the plates?
- Over here.

But Ernie honestly...

- Mignon?
- What?

Oh ah now you look lovely.

See that dress looks like it
was made to order for you.

Papa Bilko, are you
sure this is the style

they wear in America now?
- It's the very latest thing.

That's what every
debutante is wearing.

- Oh but in France they don't.
- France, France.

She is so loyal
to Christian Dior.

Honey, let me, what's this?

Lipstick.

No, no girls in
America wear lipstick.

- It's not comme il faut.
- Oh now really Ernie.

Will you please, would
you just take her inside

get rid of the lipstick
and her rouge.

Let's get her that well
scrubbed youthful look.

- Do what I...
- Ernie you're overdoing it.

Do what I say!

You're overdoing it,
you come with me honey.

I'll give you that
well-scrubbed look.

Hey, Ernie, how do
you like this cake.

I thought the kid might
get a kick out of it.

Oh nice, nice.

Well, I wanted to
make her feel at home,

so I wrote something
in French on it.

Oh that's swell,
what does it say?

I don't know.

I copied it off a can of
imported onion soup.

Well, fix the hors d'oeuvres.

See, Ernie I don't get it.

You were in France 13 years ago.

Now if this kid is as
young as you say she is,

she wasn't even born then.
- Oh wait a minute Ritzik.

Aren't you forgetting
one important thing.

There is 6 hours difference

between the United
States and France

and 6 hours a day for 13 years,

that can make a big difference
in somebody's age, huh?

- Oh, oh I get it now.
- Watch these things.

- Hey yah fellows come in.
- Hey Sarge.

Hey Sarge, where is the
little girl from France Sarge?

You'll meet her,
she is all excited.

It's way past her bedtime.

I'm letting her stay
up an hour later

so she could meet you fellows.

- Good.
- Hey what's this?

We chipped in and bought
the kid a present Sarge.

- We hope she'll like it.
- A teddy bear.

Hey that is cute.

It's the cuddliest one
I could find, Sarge.

You shouldn't have
fellows but it is cute.

Pearly, what are you doing here?

I thought you
had a date in town.

I just thought I come
in and say hello,

I can still make the date.
- No, it's all right.

Go right on... keep you... kids,
she won't know the difference,

you know all
grownups look alike.

- I'll just say hello.
- Now she'll probably be asleep

before the ice cream
and cake is served.

She's all tuckered
out. It's been a long trip.

You know children
out there they don't.

Mignon!

Out get out, out out.

My name is Pearly Johnson.

Thank you very much
Pearly, I had a lovely time.

Don't mention it, I
had a good time too.

Well, goodnight.

Hope to see you again, oops.

- What's the matter?
- I got something in my eye.

The man has
something in his eyes,

get him to the
dispensary at once.

- But papa Bilko?
- Don't you worry my dear.

He will get the best
of medical attention.

Quickly before it's too late.

The answer is no Bilko.

Definitely no, I
will not transfer

Pvt. Pearly Johnson to Alaska.

But Sir, he's the perfect man.

As much as I hate to lose
Johnson out of my platoon Sir,

he'll be perfect for
Operation Snowflake.

I said, no Bilko, he doesn't
have the qualifications.

But Sir, the captain must
have been misinformed.

Why Sir he has wonderful
way with Alaskan huskies.

Bilko, will you stop
wasting my time!

Is the jeep ready?

Yes Sir, but I do wish
you'd reconsider Sir

why he speaks
Eskimo like a native.

The boys in the platoon
they call him Nanock.

Forget it Bilko.

My fiancée is coming
in on the 2:30 train.

I want you to assign
a man to pick her up.

Yes Sir, I'll do that.

But Sir, he was brought
up on whale blubber.

Oh your fiancée is coming Sir?

- Yes.
- Oh isn't that nice.

- Is this the young lady?
- Isn't she lovely?

You are a lucky man Sir.

Never mind Bilko, just send
a man down to pick her up.

Oh yes I'll arrange
that right away Sir.

I'll send the perfect man Sir.

I don't get it Ernie.

So, you send Pearly Johnson
to pick up the Captain's fiancée.

- What good does that, do you?
- Use your head Henshaw.

You take a charm boy
like Pearly Johnson right,

sweet talk, full of technique,
something in the eye routine,

mix this with a pretty
girl who happens to be

the Captain's fiancée
what comes out?

Brooom boom! Next stop
Alaska Operations Snowflake.

Sarge, Sarge they're here.

I saw, I just saw the jeep
come through the gate.

Get the Captain I want to
see Johnson charm his girl,

what's Doberman doing.

Oh, how nice to see you my dear.

Did you have a good trip?

- Wonderful.
- Oh that's fine thank you.

I'm sorry I didn't call you.

Ah, lovely girl.

What are you doing in that
jeep? Where is Johnson?

Oh Johnson, he had
a date with Mignon.

So, I went instead of him.

Oh you volunteered to help him?

Talk to me, talk loud, say
anything, just keep me occupied.

If I have a chance
to think I'll kill him.

Sarge! Sarge!

It's crazy, that's what
it is, a crazy idea!

Hey Sarge, it's
freezing in here.

Sarge, Sarge there must
be an easier way than this

to get rid of Pearly Johnson.

No there isn't.

I tried everything
this is my last gambit.

Don't you realize
what's happening?

Mignon has been falling
more and more in love

with him every day.

Hey, Sarge Johnson is coming.

Good get rid of those blankets,

open the windows,
turn your fans on.

Doberman do you remember
the name of the disease?

- Shickleman's Traumatic Neurosis.
- Good boy.

By the time we get
through with Johnson

he's going to think he flipped.
- Yeah, then what will he do?

He'll go to a psychiatrist,
the psychiatrist will verify it

and they'll drop the
net on him. Be natural.

Wow, it's hot.

What's going on in here?

Hey Pearly, hot enough for you?

Hot - are you nuts,
it's freezing in here.

- Let's close the windows.
- No, don't close the windows.

We're dying from the heat.

You want some
more iced tea Sarge?

Oh thank you Sugie,
you've got a lot of ice in it.

Iced tea, Sarge, I'm freezing.

Come on knock off the
jokes, well it's too hot for that.

Hey, Roc go to the supply
room get some more fans.

Some more fans, Sarge all
they'll do is move around the hot air.

Hey, come on Mullen,
you had that ice bag all day,

give me a chance at it.

I'm telling you I'm freezing!

What the matter, what
are you looking at?

- Take it easy.
- Look I tell you I'm freezing!

No, no don't fall apart,
you couldn't possibly

have what Cpl. Bigelow had.

What Cpl. Bigelow had?
Well what did he have?

I don't know, it's, I forgot
the psychological term.

But it's a neurotic
condition that manifest itself

in the aberration of the
perspiratory nerve reactions.

You see it's all up here.

In everyday language,
what it means is

that your nervous
system is acting in reverse.

You see, I wish I could think
of the medical name for it.

Hey, Sarge that's called
Shickleman's Traumatic Neurosis.

He remembered it! Nice
thing he remembers it.

Cpl. Bigelow was
his closest buddy.

Shickleman's Traumatic Neurosis?

Look, kid I don't want
it to be an alarmist.

But don't you think
you oughta take the test.

- The test?
- Yeah.

Just to see if you're nerve
reactions are proper... just a little.

- Let's try it.
- Here Sarge.

Give me something
to test it with.

Here, what have
I got in my hand?

- A pencil.
- A pencil?

- Doberman what's in my hand?
- A baseball bat.

- Fender?
- Baseball bat.

- Henshaw?
- A baseball bat.

Baseball bat?

Now look, look don't fall apart,

now look I'm going
to wave it around a bit.

Hey Sarge, you're
going to hit somebody.

- What is it?
- I see a pencil.

Shickleman's Traumatic Neurosis.

Do me a favor go,
go the psychiatrist

tell him all these
symptoms, don't spare it.

I'm going. Hope
you'll be all right.

Close that window
will you, it's freezing.

Hey Sarge, I wonder
where the psychiatrist

is going to send Johnson.

I don't care as long
as it's away from here

and away from Mignon.

Sarge, he's coming, he's coming!

He probably wants
to pack his stuff,

get his things together.

- Hello fellows.
- Did you see the psychiatrist?

- Yes I saw him.
- Did you tell him everything?

- Everything.
- I bet he was shocked.

- He was shocked.
- What did he say, Pearl?

He wants to see you and
the whole platoon right now.

- He says you're all sick.
- We're all sick?

What's this?

Hey Sarge, you know
something it is hot in there?

Come on fellows, let's not
keep the psychiatrist waiting.

Get some clothes on!

Rupert, I got it!

I got it, is Pearly
Johnson here?

He's on the back
porch with Mignon?

What have you got?

Got a sure way
to get rid of him,

that wolf toying with
my child's affections.

When I get through with
him, he's going to run!

Run from what?

- Marriage!
- Marriage?

Yeah, what's the
one thing in the world

Pearly Johnson fears
worse than death?

- Marriage.
- I don't blame him.

I can't miss.

Pearly, Pearly Johnson
can I see you a minute.

You guys you know what to do.

Oh, hi Ernie, I'm glad you're
here. I wanted to see you.

I want to talk to you
a minute. Step in here.

Sit down.

- Well what's up?
- Sit down!

- Sit down!
- You heard him, sit down.

How long do you think
this can go on Pearly.

- Now listen to me.
- Sit down!

- Sit down!
- Sit down!

You think you know
what I'm talking about.

What are you doing Saturday night?
- I'm going.

You're going, you're
going to a party?

- A party?
- Yeah an engagement party.

- Well who's getting engaged?
- Congratulation Pearly.

Allow me to be the first.

The following Saturday
you're going to a wedding?

Oh wait Sarge, listen.

Playing with my
child's affections Sir,

how long did you think
you'd get away with this?

Toying, who is toying?

We want to get married next
month, when I get my furlough.

I love Mignon.

Oh sure you do.

I know how you operate,
I took lessons from you.

And...

You want to get married?

That's right, next month
when I get my furlough.

Hey, Mignon it's all right
he wants us to get married.

- Papa Bilko gives his blessing.
- Papa Bilko I am so happy.

- Thanks a lot Ernie.
- Yes sure, sure.

The minute I saw
you kids together,

I knew you were
meant for each other.

My little girl is
getting married,

it's not like I'm
losing a daughter,

but I'm gaining an address book.

Dearly beloved, we
are gathered together

to join together this
man and this woman.

Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's show were:

Elizabeth Frazer as Joan,
Robert Webber as Johnson,

Fannie Lyde as Mignon,

Claudia Crawford who
played Mignon as a little girl,

Madeline Morka as Madame Duvall,

Joe E. Ross as Sgt. Ritzik,
Jimmy Little as Sgt. Grover

and Nick Saunders
as Capt. Barker.