The Phil Silvers Show (1955–1959): Season 3, Episode 26 - The Colonel's Inheritance - full transcript

- Col. Hall?
- Yes.

There's a Mr. Metcalf
outside to see you.

A civilian? Yes.

Probably a complaint
against Bilko.

We ought to start
a new department.

- Will you see him?
- Oh yes, I might as well.

Mr. Metcalf, would
you come in please.

- Col. Hall?
- Yes Mr. Metcalf.

Colonel, I'm afraid I've got
some very unpleasant news.

Go ahead, I expected it.

I've come to inform
you that Mr. Peter Yates



of Memphis, Tennessee
has just passed away.

- I represent his estate.
- Yeah.

Now his will
provides that $5,000

should go to his
closest relative.

That always burns
me up Mr. Metcalf.

A man works all his life
to save a little nest egg

and then somebody who's
never done anything to deserve it,

gets the fun out of spending it.

Well, which one of my men is it?

It's not one of your
men Colonel, it's you.

Me? I was left $5,000?

Yes, you're his second
cousin twice removed.

- Poor Bates.
- Yates, not Bates.

Oh yes Yates.



- You say $5,000?
- In cash.

He didn't believe in banks.

Ha, ha he must've
been a wonderful man.

Wait until I tell Nell.
She'll be very upset.

Well, I won't take up any
more of your time Colonel,

if you'll just
sign this receipt.

Of course. $5,000?

- What a shame, poor Bates.
- Yates.

Oh yeah of course Bates, Yates.

Well, goodbye Colonel.

I'm sorry to have been the
bearer of such unpleasant tidings.

Well, Mr. Metcalf, into
each life a little rain must fall.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

85 cents, 85 cents is the
best you guys could do?

What a disgrace?

I won't be able to show
my face in Roseville.

Ernie, with what you owe in
town you better stay out of there.

Why don't you guys take
a lesson from the squirrels

they put a little
something aside.

Then when a friend
comes to you in need.

Sarge.

Money! Money?

It's a reaction I get
whenever there is a lot of

loose money
around, it's like radar!

Now it's working for 85
cents, it must be out of order.

Who cares for this chicken feed?

I... it's coming in stronger.

I haven't had a
reaction this big

since I drove past Ft. Knox.
- You're nuts.

We've been all through
the post, everybody is broke.

It's like a disaster
area. No, I tell you.

Some poor fool came
into a lot of money

just waiting to give it to me.

Who? Who?

Ritzik.

Didn't he collect
money from an accident?

That's right. He
had a great case.

He was hit by a police car
while crossing the street.

Ah hah, we better get to
him before his wife does.

It's here! It's here!

Ah Mess Sgt. Ritzik, the
poet of the pots and pans.

Shut up Bilko. I'm
working on a birthday cake.

Birthday cake, ? My
isn't it magnificent?

Well excuse me, aren't
there 2 Ps in happy.

- You're kidding?
- No, I'm sure I'm right.

I blew it again.

What does the Army expect
you to be a, college graduate?

That doesn't matter
as long as you're rich.

That's right what's the difference.
- That's better.

What are you doing standing
so soon after your accident?

Get him something to sit on.

Oh, it doesn’t bother me much.
It doesn't bother him much?

Isn't that brave?

Struck down by a
reckless police squad car

and all he says it
doesn't bother me much.

Well, I suppose they settled?

Oh yeah, out of
court. Out of court.

This one cook whose
got all his raisins.

Out of court, oh
here let me help you

you're struggling with that.

You know I heard of a story
where there was a school teacher

who tripped on a
bus, she got $500.

That's funny, just the
other day I read about a guy

who fell in an open
manhole, he got 1,000.

Really? How did you do, Rupert?

- Oh not bad.
- Not bad.

I gave the cops 15
bucks to fix their fender

and I was in the clear.

You paid them?

Oh, they had me
on a jaywalking rap.

- You.
- Sarge.

Here, make the others...

Grover, oh Grover,
company's here!

Listen Sarge, what makes
you think Grover's got money?

Listen to me, remember he
said he's going to sell his car?

I guarantee you he sold his car.

Stick with me you'll
get rich with this twitch.

Hey Ernie, boy, it was
just a lucky day for me!

Lucky pal, I bet
you sold your car.

Yeah and boy what a price.

What do you think that old
heap of mine was worth?

$500? 500? I got $900!

$900, get some chairs.

You know our Saturday
night poker game,

we'll play it right now.
- Wait, wait.

What do you like a little three
card monte, spit in the ocean?

What?

Wait, you haven't
heard the best part.

There is more? Don't
stand there, get some chairs.

I built that $900 into a $1,200.

Well, chairs, will
you Will you, chairs!

That's what this
diamond ring is worth.

You put the money
in a diamond ring?

I'm gonna propose
to Gladys tonight.

Hey Ernie, here's
the chair. Thank you.

Sarge!

4,001, 4,002, 4,003,

poor Bates, I mean Yates.

It was a false alarm.

I tell you it's on the post,

the minute I turn in
these morning reports,

we'll make the search.

- Good morning Edna, my sweet.
- Oh what do you want Bilko?

Just the morning
reports, is my Colonel in?

Just leave them on my
desk, the Colonel is busy.

Here you are my
sweet, you get lovelier...

My, what a fat bag!
Is that yours Edna?

Would you mind holding
it up just a minute please?

Ernie what are you doing?

Just testing, any
reaction? Yeah.

What have you got
in that bag Edna?

My lunch.

Come on Sarge your
twitch is off the beam.

No I'm telling you it's on
the post, there is something.

Wait a minute, Sgt.
Pendleton at quartermasters,

didn't he buy a sweepstake ticket?
- So?

Ah ha! Come on.

Edna will you tell Cpt. Barker

I'll be a little late
for the staff meeting.

- I'm tied up!
- Yes Sir.

You're In The Army now.

Ernie, Ernie, what's the matter?

Can't help it. I'm
twitching all over here.

- Should I get a Doctor?
- No, no, it's here!

In the Colonel's
office? I'm, I'm positive.

Yeah. We better make sure.

- Let's go outside.
- Right.

Here, here get me loose!

You're In The Army Now,
You're Not Behind A Plough,

You'll Never Get Rich.
Ha ha who says so?

Boy, the Colonel's loaded. I
wonder where it came from.

I don't care where it came from.

I just wanna know
where it's going.

You called Sir.

Now Edna will you
do me a favour?

- Yes Sir.
- Oh this money!

I had a stroke of luck.

Oh I mean a very
dear relative of mine

passed away and left me $5,000.

- Congratulations Sir!
- Ah thank you.

Say, will you see
that a couple of M.Ps

get this to the bank for me
and deposit it in my name.

Armed M.Ps. Yes Sir.

Did you hear that? $5,000!

Oh I would like to
my get hands on that.

Ernie forget it, the Colonel?

You wouldn't dare.

Oh you jerks, I
don't wanna steal it.

I just wanna wave
it around awhile.

- Wave it around?
- Yeah.

Imagine what that
would do to my standing

if my creditors in town
thought that money was mine?

Yeah. But how are you
gonna get the money?

Ernie, that's a very
dangerous assignment.

It's very risky Sarge
you can get in an awful...

- Come here!
- Sarge!

Here's what I want you to do.

You called for 2 M.Ps Ma'am?

Yes, Col. Hall wants
this taken to the

Roseville National Bank
and deposit it in his account.

Yes Ma'am.

Be very careful
with it, it's money.

We'll guard it with
our lives Ma'am.

All right Corporal
I got you covered.

Got you, 10 bucks
across the board

Speed Print..4th..
Parlay up you got it.

How are you Patsy my
old buddy put it there.

You put it there Bilko,

the 120 bucks you owe
me for the last 6 months.

6 months, why it only
seems like a few days.

It seems like a
year, get it up, Bilko.

Hey, hey! That's why I'm here.

You're here to pay
me? Open sesame.

Holy smokes!
That's a lot of cash.

Well, I'll just pay you
and get it over with.

I don't like your methods.

I don't like being
hounded by creditors.

Now how do you want this?

Do you want this in small
bills or do you this in large bills?

How do you want it, just
name it I have more here.

Now what do you want?

Hey, Bilko what's your hurry,

you know your credit
is always good with me.

No, no. I don't like
your attitude lately.

I want to pay you now
and get it over with.

Bilko I don't want your money.

You can pay me any
time, anytime Bilko.

Look, I insist that
you take this now.

- Please Ernie.
- All right.

Think about how you
conduct yourself in the future.

I don't like your methods at
all especially on the street,

when I walk with
people you grab me,

where's my money,
where's my money?

I don't want that
panic from you.

You treat me like a hoodlum and
say, hoo hoo where's the money?

You, you and you're telling
me where's my money?

Like the world is
coming to an end.

I don't want these rough tactics
anymore that's understood isn't it?

Don't worry Ernie, it
will never happen again.

Now you see that it doesn't.

Fix yourself up I hate
doing business with a slob.

Everything all
right MSgt. Bilko?

Excellent mein host,
excellent, as a matter of fact

my friends and I just ordered
another round of fillet mignons

- Another round?
- Do you mind?

No, no, no.

This should pay you
what I owe now and get...

Oh Bilko, Bilko, please
we've been all through that,

you can owe me the money.

- No, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes.

- I'd rather pay you.
- No, no Bilko I trust you.

Oh please take
your money. All right.

Now you see he didn't trust
me, I suppose on his part..

He actually did not trust me.

Oh no, no, I mean it I
meant here keep your money.

Look, the cheque for
this meal, I'm tearing it up.

It's on the house see.

Oh now you know
what you've done.

You've put me in your debt.

Now any time I eat
out, I'll have to eat here.

You see I'm not so dumb, huh?

You certainly... Adamapolis,
he is a business man.

You know Mr. Adamapolis if
there was a Greek name for fox,

you'd be it.

Brandy, you told me
you want brandy, brandy.

- Don't stand there, brandy!
- Oh brandy.

How do you like
that piece of cloth?

Eh looks splendid.

You're sure this
is the latest thing,

this is what Cary
Grant is wearing?

It's the latest thing.

All my wealthy
customers are getting it.

All right, let your needle fly.

I still can't get
over it Sgt. Bilko,

you thought I was angry with you

because you owed
me $300 for 2 years.

Well, buddy, I mean all
those letters..that subpoena.

My stupid accountant,
I'm getting rid of him.

Now you will have
the hound tooth jacket

and the cashmere
coat ready by Friday?

Well that's a little fast.
But I mean I thought Friday.

Of course I'll put
an extra man on.

Good boy, I'll just take
these swatches with me so I...

oh I hardly have any room.
Look, let me pay you now.

Don't bother. I'll
mail you the sample.

Oh look, your
accountant, don't fire him.

He's just not used to
dealing with rich people.

Thank you, thank you Sgt. Bilko.

Splendid, money
guard..hup 2.3, 4

Hello, Jake, where
have you been?

I've been calling
you all morning.

Have I got a live one!

You won't believe this,
but there is a soldier

running around in Roseville
with a suitcase full of money.

Yeah, yeah it's a
chance to make a killing.

No, no he is too clever for me.

I'll need help.

How soon can Joey
the dealer get to town?

Fine, tell him to meet me in
my office as soon as he can.

Well now do you
understand my method,

I've covered all
my creditors in town

and now we put the Colonel's
money back in the bank.

Nobody was hurt
it's the mink coat bit.

- The mink coat bit?
- Yeah.

Like when a dame borrows
another dame's mink coat

so she can make an impression.

When she's through
making an impression,

she gives back the coat.

All I did was borrow
the Colonel's mink coat.

I've got to hand
it to you Ernie.

You're good in this
town for another 5 years.

Here's the deposit slip Sarge.

This is a strange feeling,

first time I ever came in
a bank to make a deposit.

Colonel John T. Hall, $5,000.

- All right, let's get in line

Ah, hello Mr. Hornsby.

Say, I got those pictures
back from my errr, vacation.

Some other time, huh, Tom.

I want to deposit this
$3,000 right away.

Gee, another killing in
the market, Mr. Hornsby?

Yes, and I want this
deposit to cover a cheque

I'm writing this afternoon.

I've got another tip.

You sure have been
lucky in the market.

It isn't luck at all, I
don't take any chances.

I've got inside information.

Well, here's your
book Mr. Hornsby.

Thanks. Oh Tom,

do you want to make a little
money for the wife and kids?

Put everything you've got
on International Plutonium.

International Plutonium?

It's going to double
by this afternoon.

I'll make a bundle.

You're next sir.

Will you excuse
me just a minute.

Ernie what are you doing?

Please stop me. Don't
let me do this rash thing.

Even though that guy
said International Plutonium

is a sure thing don't let
me do this, stop me, stop!

- Stop you?
- Yes.

Even though he
said that it will double

and you even though we can
have the Colonel money by 3 o'clock

and have $5,000 for ourselves.

Don't let me do
this thing, stop me.

We're stopping you Sarge!

Come on we'll make
on a new deposit slip.

Yeah new deposit
slip. Thank you.

I certainly do appreciate this.

Oh what did you say the
name of that stock was?

International Plutonium.

Stop me.

Don't let me do this even
though everybody here

is investing in
International Plutonium.

Don't let me do this rash thing.

Stop me, even
though it's the first time

I ever had money to
put down on a sure thing.

Don't let me do this. Stop me!

Ernie listen, it's only a tip,

even a guy like that,
a Bank President.

Even he could make a mistake.

That's right, he's only human.

He can make a mistake.

You can let go
of me I'm all right.

- All right Sarge.
- Thank you.

A Bank President? Ernie.

$20 a share right.

Mr. Hornsby I've got 200
shares of International Plutonium

- at $20 a share.
- Ah, thanks a lot.

Hello, Simpson speaking,
AT&T I think I can get you some.

Why certainly.

Ernie please, think, think!
That's the Colonel's money.

You're taking such a
chance. You're so right.

I must be so out of my
mind. Let's get out of here.

Don't you understand, I'm
merely using the Colonel's money

to make money.
It's free enterprise.

Sir, can I speak
a minute please.

Yes soldier, what
can I do for you?

We're interested in
International Plutonium,

now what is the stock
quoted at, please?

The last quotation
was $20 a share.

How much can I put you down for?

$20 a share, at $5,000 that
would come into 250 shares.

All right, soldier. Ernie!

Excuse me, a minute
my partners and I

want to talk this over a minute.

Ernie what are you doing?

I don't know I must
be out of my mind,

I can't even afford to
take the slightest chance.

Let's get out of here.

How much of a chance can it be?

All right, if you
have to you have to,

but why don't you just
buy a couple of shares

and we'll build from there.

I like that kind of thinking.

We'll buy small and build big.

I'm makin' you a Vice President.

Sir, I'd like to buy 2 shares
of International Plutonium

and I believe you
said it was $20 a share.

I did but now it's up to 25.

You mean it went up 5
points while we were talking?

That means I lost, $1250.

Look what I get
for listening to you.

Be quiet, I'm handling
this from now on.

$5,000 worth of
International Plutonium at 25.

- Ernie.
- No, no don't talk to me now.

Ernie will you please.

Stop please I'm making my
move, I don't want to listen to you.

Ernie who do you think you are?

Look, if Bernard
Baruch listened to you

he'd still be sitting on that
park bench, leave me alone.

Please, please I'm
making my move.

Okay you've got it.
There's your receipt.

Thank you very much.

Where is your ticker tape,
we want to watch it grow?

It's right over there.

Say, you do business in
a splendid way, I like you.

You're going to
do all my business.

International Plutonium, 50.

That's it Ernie. We doubled
our money, that's $10,000.

Now let's sell.

Not a chance..not a chance I'm not going
to sell until it grows up to be a 100!

Ernie please sell and get the
Colonel's money back to the bank.

Ah, shut up! We'll
open our own bank.

- But the Colonel?
- I'll buy you a Colonel,

Nothing's gonna stop me now!

The stock at International
Plutonium look it went down to 48.

Let me see, you don't
understand Wall Street do you?

That's a slight fluctuation.

That's to drive the Bulls after
the Bears, don't you know it?

Ernie you're flipped,
can't you sell?

- That's what they want me to do.
- That's what we want you to do.

No, no chance.
That's for the suckers.

I'm standing in
the sky is the limit.

Yeah, yes thank you.

Gentlemen, gentlemen
I just had a call

the tape is a half hour behind,

Standard Steel is now 117
International Plutonium 32.

We were worried it's 32.32

We've got to sell.
We'd like to sell.

We wanna sell 200 shares
of International Plutonium

at 32 please, and I believe
that comes to $6,000.

Just put it right
in here, please.

6,000? Thank you very much.

Well the company isn't
worth that any more.

The bottom dropped out
of International Plutonium.

Right now your
stock is worth $200.

$200?

- We're ruined.
- You wanna sell or hold on?

Is there any chance
of it going up again?

Well, I wouldn't be
surprised in a year or 2

after they reorganize
the company.

A year or 2?

I thought I'd have the money
by 3 o'clock this afternoon,

that's when the, Mr. Simpson
I'm gonna level with you,

that money belonged to a
widow and orphans home.

I wanted to surprise them
with a swimming pool,

you see I'm a trustee
and their dad got sick.

He was going to donate all
this money, but then I meant well.

You can understand.

Now look here, I suggest
that you take this $300

and put it where it
belongs, in a savings bank.

Savings bank?

That's what got me
here, a savings bank.

My friends I asked
you, I pleaded with you,

I said stop me, hold me,
but would you hold me?

Oh, now you hold me?

- But Sarge.
- Now? Now?

I always like to see a man open
a savings account Sgt. Bilko.

How much do you
want to start with?

$200. A fine beginning.

I'll just enter here in
your nice new bank book

and here you are.

Oh my very own bank book.

Look, Sir now
that I'm a depositor

I'd like to discuss
making a small loan.

Certainly you have
a collateral of $200,

how much would
you like to borrow?

Oh just a little something to
cover some small bills, $5,000?

Bilko, here. Give
me that bank book.

Don't you try to put any
money in this bank again.

Oh perhaps $5,000 was too much.

Let's make it $4,800.

Out! Get out of here!

Very well, I don't like doing
business with a shaky bank anyway,

who knows what goes on
here in the late afternoons

when your shades
are down. Come men.

Ernie, Ernie I can't take it no
more, what are we going to do?

We've got I hour to get
$5,000, just one hour.

What am I gonna do?

Where am I gonna get it
now, where, where do I get it?

Sarge, Sarge, you're shouting.

I shouldn't shout.

Hey, let's go to the
Colonel and confess.

Oh splendid, I'll just go
to the Colonel and say,

Sir I'm sorry I lost your
$5,000 in the stock market.

It'll never happen again
What are you insane?

- We'll raise the money.
- From the bank? Let's hold it up.

Sarge. No no.

I'll get a job and I'll
pay back the money.

What job pays $5,000 an hour?

Don't stand there,
what job? What?

Can't you help me what?

You're yelling. Don't shout.

Ha ha! ha! Click, click, click!

- You got it?
- I got it.

Everybody in town thinks
I've got money, am I right?

They were quick
to extend me credit,

what's going to stop them
from giving me a few loans uh?

Money goes to money, what?

Patsy the bookmaker must
be be good for a couple of G's.

Sure! The tailor, Adamapolis.

You were getting panicky,
you and I came up with it.

Get a deposit slip, huh?

They thought they had
me, nobody is going to.

That's the way it
is Mr. Adamapolis

with all my money tied
up in blue chip stocks,

I find myself in need
of a little petty cash,

you know dividends,
you understand.

You, you, you know how it
is with us coupon flippers.

Well, I'd like to
help you out Bilko,

but I just put in a
new deep freeze.

Hey, why don't you sell
a few shares of stock?

You know what they say
Bilko, you can't take it with you.

Sarge, he was the last one.

We couldn't find
Patsy the bookmaker.

The tailor had
nothing, we're dead.

What about the platoon,
did you try the platoon?

The platoon $5,000?
Are you dreaming?

What am I gonna do, what?

What? I'll shoot myself.

That's it. Your G.I
insurance that's $10,000.

Oh swell, then the
Colonel'll get $5,000

and you get $2,500 apiece.

Besides that will be
the coward's way out.

I'll do the only
honorable thing I can do.

- What's that?
- I'll leave town.

- Leave town?
- Leave town?

Then we'll be free until
the Colonel finds out

his money wasn't deposited,
but I've got to move fast.

But what about the
Colonel's money?

Don't worry he'll
get back every cent.

I'll go to a town where
nobody knows me.

I'll get a job, I'll
get a couple of jobs.

He'll get paid back every cent.

Ernie, Ernie that's
going to take years.

Still the only decent
thing I can do.

I've got to write him a letter.
Here, here write this down.

Put down, ah, I've got to
make this real appealing.

I've got to appeal
to him, put down.

"My Dear Col. Hall,"
that's not very appealing.

Put down, "My Darling
Col. Hall." Darling?

Put down "My Dear Col. Hall,

by the time you receive
this letter, I'll be far away."

And then Mrs. Hall and I
might take a trip to Honolulu.

She's always wanted to go there

and now that I can
see my way clear, I

think that will be one of
the first things we'll do.

It sounds wonderful Colonel.

Well fortunately we're both
still young enough to enjoy it.

Gee, your nails certainly
need a going over Mr. Simpson.

I know, I thought I'd chew
them off at the office today.

The market go down?

Not everything, just one
issue, International Plutonium,

I never saw anything
drop like that.

Many people get hurt?

Quite a few, but one
man really took a beating.

The sad part of it
was he was soldier.

- Soldier?
- Did he lose much?

I guess $5,000 is
a lot to a soldier.

Bilko?

$5,000? And in cash.

When I told him about his loss

I could see tears
behind his glasses.

Bilko! It's got to be Bilko!

How did he get a
hold of my money?

M.P.s! M.P.s!

"And so my dear Colonel
as an ex West Point man.

I know you would show
tolerance and patience.

And I plead with you,
be calm, be patient.

I'll pay back every penny I
owe you, sincerely, Ernest Bilko."

Sarge, Sarge, that's
a beautiful letter.

Yeah.

Be sure the Colonel
gets that on his desk

by 3 o'clock this afternoon, by
that time I should be going to...

I'm glad you could make it Joey.

It's gonna be pleasure
to see this guy taken.

But where's the pigeon?

Over there with the glasses,
and you see that case, that's it.

What's he doing with the M.P.s?

With all the loot he's carrying
around they're guarding him.

Well, so long,
farewell dear Snake Pit

place of many memories,
place of fun and...

Sarge, you're twitching.
It's coming back.

Somebody in this
room has got money.

Who in this room has got money?

Hiya Bilko buddy boy, I
want you to meet a friend.

Hello, friend.

- Did you boys wanna see me?
- If you wasn't doing nothing,

Joey and me thought maybe
you'd like a little action?

Action? How, how much action?

We can match whatever
you've got in that case.

How about a little poker?

- Poker? Poker?
- Come on over to my place.

Yes, yes. Bilko?

No, no don't hold me
now. Don't hold me now.

Hey, Sarge, Sarge what
should I do with the letter?

Abandon it, burn it.
Thank you, thank you.

Are you sure..didn't
those 2 M.Ps

bring you the
deposit slip? No Sir.

Well they must have,
maybe it's on my desk here.

Did you check with the bank?

I'm afraid to, but
it's a good idea.

Get them on the phone. Yes Sir.

It doesn't have to be Bilko.

It could be any
soldier with glasses,

why must I always
think it's Bilko.

It's Bilko!

Col. Hall Sir.

So, that's how you did it Bilko.

You got your 2 henchmen
to get my money for you.

Bilko, this time you've
gone too far! Too far!

But Sir, I don't understand.
You don't understand?

All right you men,
where is my money?

But Sir, I saw them
depositing your money myself.

Surely they brought
you a deposit slip Sir.

Oh yes they did. Hello,
get me the Provost Marshall.

By George, here's the
deposit slip right there Sir.

Hello, Provost Marshall I
want you to pick up 3 men.

For deposit for account
of John T. Hall, $5,000.

Never mind.

I checked with the bank Sir,
they've received your deposit.

Yes yeah. Yes I know.

Oh now I'm beginning
to see what, Sir surely

you didn't think these 2 fine
boys would possibly steal.

No, no of course not Bilko.

I just happened to overhear
somebody in the barber shop

saying that they saw a
man... soldier with glasses

in the stock broker office.

Flimsy evidence you
connected it with me Sir?

- Now wait Bilko I...
- You were ready to accuse me?

I don't want to see this again.

You thought for
one moment that I,

your loyal Sergeant
could commit, larceny?

Bilko.

Sir, could you possibly
accuse me of something

so vile, the years
I've served you Sir,

you've been like
a Father to me Sir.

Well, Sir, I'll
continue serving you.

But there is something gone Sir.

I'll serve you with these
hands and this head

but my heart is
wounded Sir, wounded!

Bilko. My Colonel.

Ernie you were
great, you were great!

Told you never worry
about the old Sarge.

Hensh, Hensh, the twitch.

- Here we go again.
- No, no it is not.

All this running up and
back I caught a cold.

- Gesundheit.
- Thank you.

- We're In The Army Now...

Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's show were:

Henry Lasko as Adamapolis,

Joe E. Ross as Sgt. Ritzik,

Paul Lipson as Patsy,

Reese Shrog as the tailor

and John Graham as Mr. Simpson.