The Phil Silvers Show (1955–1959): Season 3, Episode 12 - Bilko at Bay - full transcript

We'll get everything
packed in the car.

All right what is this?

Come on, snap into it and work!

Work! Work! Remember
you're in the Army, work!

So if we're in the Army,

how come we're
working on your jalopy?

Paparelli, you don't have
to work on my jalopy?

I just remembered, are some
men needed in KP if you...

Forget I mentioned it.

Hey Ernie, if we get an
early start in the morning,

we can be in New York by
12:00 o'clock Thursday night.



Perfect, right in time for
my date Friday morning,

3:00 o'clock in the morning.

You got a date at 3:00 o'clock
in the morning, with who?

Lois, the hat check girl
at the Copa, what, what?

But wait a minute, Sarge,

at 3:00 o'clock in the
morning you can't go anyplace.

Everything is closed.

That's the beauty of it, as
much as you wanna spend money

on this charming young lady,

there's just no place
to spend the money.

So what do you do?

You get into your
car, you drive out to

the George Washington Bridge

and you watch
sunrise come in, huh?



- You dog.
- All right Ernie.

- Hey let's get down to facts.
- All right, come on.

Now I've been doing some very
careful figuring on this furlough.

The way I get it figured,
by the time we get finished

paying our expenses to New
York, we're gonna be broke.

We don't have to stop
at the expensive hotels.

- We'll stay at Auto Courts.
- Auto Courts?

The way I got it figured,
we're gonna have to

sleep in the car every night.

Let's not get panicky, we'll
save money on the gas and oil.

We'll find the right routes.

Whenever it's
downhill, we coast.

Yeah but look, Sarge,
even if it was downhill

all the way from here to
New York, it still wouldn't help.

The only way we can save money
is on food and we've gotta eat.

Well, there's only one
answer to our problem,

we need more money.
- Here! Here!

Don't knock yourself out Paparelli,
I don't want you to overwork

the best man I got in the
platoon, this gentleman is a worker.

This is a fellow, you don't
have to tell what to do.

- This boy has got integrity.
- I got no money.

Why do you jump to conclusions?

Sarge, please don't
put the screws on me.

You know I'm weak. Don't
talk me out of my dough.

If I've said it once, I've
said it a thousand times,

the major fault in this boy's
makeup is his over-generosity.

Sarge, I'm saving that money

to buy a birthday
present for my Mother.

If you haven't got
any pity for me,

think of my poor old
Mother in Saint Louis.

Hmm, you gotta fight dirty, huh?

Gotta hit below the belt, you
gotta bring in your Mother, huh?

Stop wasting my
time, get back to work!

I hate it when they get sneaky.

They're bring in their
Mothers in Saint Louis.

If you don't wanna
eat... Saint Louis?

Don't we go through Saint
Louis on our way to New York?

Yeah, we get there
about 6:00 o'clock at night.

Paparelli, let
bygones be bygones.

Come and see your Sergeant.

- Sarge, I can't give you the...
- No, no, no, no, no.

I was just thinking
about your Mother.

What time does she
usually serve supper?

Between 6:00 and 7:00, why?

Do me a personal
favour, run right out

and get your Mother
that birthday present

because I'm gonna
deliver it to her personally.

- Gee, would you Sarge?
- Of course baby.

Well a fine Italian meal.
That’s a lot of calories.

That should last us till
about uh huh, Peoria.

Zimmerman, my little beaver
boy, come here Zimmky.

How are you, baby? I've
been worried about you.

When was the last time
you wrote your Mother?

- Well it was...
- Too long!

The poor woman is
probably worried to death.

Eager to hear from
you and you ignore it.

Well, you know
what we're gonna do?

On our way to New York,
we're stopping in Peoria,

personally to say hello to your
Mother right about lunch time.

Hey fellas! Did you hear that?

The Sarge, is gonna
stop to see my folks.

All right fellows, who else
would like us to see their folks.

Hey Sarge!

Hey Sarge, if you could
stop at Madison in Wisconsin,

my folks will be
tickled to see you.

- Madison, madi...
- Ah-ah.

Too far out of the way Lukas.

- You better write, I'm sorry.
- It's out of our way.

Hey Sarge, I think we better
head east for Indianapolis.

What are you nuts?
We can't take that route.

We hit this 25 cent toll
bridge at Washington.

No we head straight,
straight to Chicago.

Hey Sarge, my family
lives in Joliet, Illinois.

- It's right on the way.
- Good boy.

Hey mama Fleischman
sauerbrauten with the red cabbage.

That oughta last
us about 600 miles.

Hey my folks in South
Bend will be glad to see you.

South Bend, why not?

But Sarge, that's only a couple
of hours after the sauerbrauten.

A little homemade cake and
coffee in the afternoon is bad, huh?

Hey Sarge, will you be
going through Fort Wayne?

- Fort Wayne.
- No, that's 50 miles out of the way.

Yeah, but my mother is
famous for her roast beef.

I can call and tell
her you're coming.

50 miles out of
the way, let me see.

We get 15 miles to a gallon

that's about 33 cents
average a gallon.

We split it 3 ways, it will
be about 26 cents apiece.

Worth it, worth it!
Tell her medium rare.

Nice, Sarge.

Sarge, Sarge, I've
got a sister in Akron.

You'll love her.
She's a million laughs.

Gomez, I don't like laughing
on an empty stomach.

Does she set a good table?

Oh the best enchiladas
you ever tasted.

I'm laughing,
Gomez. I'm laughing.

All right.

Say Sarge, I've told my
Mother so much about you.

Why don't you
stop in, in Altoona?

- She'd love to see you.
- Is she a good cook?

Look what her
cooking did for me.

I'm sorry, that's too
far out of the way.

- Sorry.
- But Sarge...

Look, on our way back,
we'll be glad to stop.

We may take the scenic
route. But now it's out of our way.

Let me see. Where are we?

Next stop, Scranton,
anybody from Scranton?

Yeah, yeah Sarge.

My family lives only 5
miles out of Scranton.

And you're a healthy
boy, good American meals.

Scranton does it, fine.

Now next stop,
Broadway and 42nd Street.

Of course. We're in! We're in!

You getting panicky, see
let me handle these things

when you're surrounded
with love and affection.

It is like your own family.
These are my flesh and...

What's everybody standing
around, what is it, siesta time?

Back to work you creeps!

That Mrs. Paparelli
she cooks up a storm.

- You said it boys.
- Eat boys! Eat!

- Oh you are not eating.
- More?

Oh, it looks delicious.

Tell me some more
about my boy Dino.

Is he a good boy in the Army?

Good? He's the best.

They love him in the
whole camp, the Colonel,

the General,
everybody loves him.

Oh my Dino is such a good boy.

Everybody loves him.

Eat! Eat! You are not eating.

Not eating? I'm stuffed.

I'm full. Me too.

Thank you, but we
really have to go.

But you did not eat nothing.

That is why you are so skinny.

Here you take this
lasagne in a pot.

Oh thank you, we'll return
the pot here on our way back.

A little toast. Mrs.
Paparelli Salute!

He's a good boy, ay?

Good? He's the best.

- Oh take a pie.
- Grab the cheese.

How about that Mrs. Zimmerman?

The greatest invention
in the world, Mothers!

Eat boys, eat and here is some
Chicken Fricassee to take with you.

Oh thank you.

Here, write Mrs.
Zimmerman’s name on the pot

so it don't get mixed
up with the others.

- Right, Sarge.
- Now, now, tell me.

Tell me a little
more my little boy.

What can I tell
you, that Zimmky,

everybody loves your
son, everybody in the camp.

He's the greatest
kid in the world.

Oh wonderful! Eat! Eat boys.

You don't eat.

Thank you.

Was I right, was I right,
when I told you listen to me?

Don't listen to Duncan Hines.

Oh well, keep eating
boys, keep eating.

Thank you very much.
We're doing that all right.

You know Sarge, it's
very hard for me to believe

that that son of mine is loved
by everybody in the camp.

Oh everybody loves
him Mr. Zimmerman,

I mean Mr. Mullen, they
love him! They love the boy.

I hate to see food go to waste,

so I put the
leftovers in this pot.

You can take it with you.

Oh you are very sweet.

Initial this pot so we
don't get it mixed up

with the others.
- Right.

Let's see, Gomez,
Gomez, he said his sister

was a great Mexican cook.

I can smell those
enchiladas and chili now.

Where is it now, Gomez, Gomez?

Who are you fellows looking for?

Oh we're looking
for the Gomez family.

Gomez? Oh she ain't here.

She went to visit her
sister in Albuquerque.

I was all ready to tell her what
a great soldier her brother is.

Hey Sarge, we haven't
eaten anything all day.

You know what we'll have to do?

We'll have to go
to a restaurant.

Are you nuts?

We came 1,600 miles without
spending a nickel on food.

We're not gonna stop
now. Give me the map.

A few changes in
plans and then... I got it.

Brace yourselves, we're
gonna eat at Doberman's house.

Doberman's house?
Sarge, that's in Altoona.

That's a long haul.

Yeah, if I don't get
some food soon, I'll faint.

Now pull yourself together.

We'll get in the car then if
we get lucky, we'll hit a cow.

Come on.

Will you stop worrying?

You're acting like
somebody is following you.

Hey wait a minute; let's see
what the papers say about us, huh?

What does it say?

A hunt for the bank robbers
who made a clean getaway

with $50,000 suddenly shifted
to Northern Wisconsin today.

- Wisconsin, that's a break.
- Yeah.

All we gotta do now is
lay low till Louie gets here

and then we split up the loot.

What about this Mrs. Doberman?

You think she'll get wise we
ain't here for the fishing season?

Why do you think we
stopped by that fish store

and bought that fish?

Now stop worrying, come on!

On hello Mrs. Doberman.

Oh hello, Mr. Wilson
and Mr. Finch,

or is it the other way around,

are you Mr. Wilson
and you Mr. Finch?

I'm Wilson and he's Finch.

Oh dear, I get so confused.

Now, you Mr. Finch,
remind me of a Wilson

and you Mr. Wilson
are definitely a Finch.

Okay then call me
Finch and call him Wilson.

Oh thank you. That'll
make it so much simpler.

Here Mrs. Doberman,
we had a good day.

Well, another sea bass.

However did a sea bass
get into a pond in Altoona?

My very words to Mr. Finch,

"However did a sea bass
get into a pond in Altoona?"

But who are we to
question nature's ways?

How true! How true Mr. Finch.

- I'm Wilson.
- Oh dear.

No matter who you are, supper
will be ready in just a minute.

Boy, that Mrs. Doberman
sure is a character.

Are you sure she's
all alone here?

Yeah, she's got
a son in the Army.

She showed me his picture.

Well, just as well
he ain't here now.

Don't worry, he
looks like a jerk.

What a surprise Sgt. Bilko.

Oh it's so exciting
having you here.

Duane's told me
so much about you.

Please, I don't want
to disturb your supper.

Oh, oh, oh this is
Mr. Wilson and Mr. Finch.

It's the other way around but
they said I could do it this way.

How do you do?

How long are you
figuring on staying?

Oh just long
enough to bring word

to Mrs. Doberman
of her boy Duane.

Oh, you must stay for supper.

Oh we couldn't just
barge in on you like this.

Oh but I've got
loads of food. I insist.

Very well, if you do insist.

But first I wanna
hear all about Duane.

Oh he's a fine boy.

He's the finest soldier we
have in the entire camp.

Oh, is he all over his cold?

- He's a delicate boy you know.
- You're so right.

Oh look at your
supper getting cold.

It's such a lovely
supper it is too, pot roast,

natural gravy, mashed
potatoes, green beans...

- Bread!
- Are you sure Duane's all right?

You know the last time he
was home, I didn't like his color.

Oh, you should see him now.

He's as brown as a pot roast.

He's a very... oh I
please I insist don't let this

impromptu little visit of
ours disturb your supper.

Won't you sit down?

Oh well, you know you've only
known Duane since he was grown.

He was a late walker you know.

Well, I can see
there's only one way

we can have these
people sit down

and have their supper
and that is to join them.

Oh do. Here's a chair.

What are they doing now?

They're on their 3rd pie.

I don't like those guys
hanging around here.

I don't trust them, especially
that one with the glasses.

Oh relax, will you?

Maybe they'll blow out of
here when they finish eating.

And if they don't, we're
gonna be in trouble.

They'll see the newspapers

and they'll start
putting 2 and 2 together.

They're not dopey
like the old lady.

Just don't get excited.

We don't wanna start any
trouble before Louie gets here.

Okay, okay, but
I still say that...

Shh! Here they come.

When Duane was 9 years
old, he really blossomed out.

When he walked down the street,

people would turn
around and look at him.

You know, they still do.

Oh dear Mrs. Doberman, I
wish I had more time to listen

to every thrilling moment of
Duane's fascinating childhood.

But we really must go.

Thanks for everything
Mrs. Doberman.

- Yeah, that was great food.
- I'm sorry to see you boys go.

Well, that's the way it is.

C'est la vie.

So long gentlemen, I wish I
had gotten to know you better.

Yeah, ain't it a pity.

Well, good luck
with your fishing.

Oh they don't need any luck.

They came home
with a sea bass that big.

A sea bass, in Altoona?

Now really fishermen
are so proud,

they hate to come
home empty handed,

probably bought it
in a store, fess up.

And now dear lady,
we really must go.

- Yes goodbye.
- Bye, bye.

- Goodbye dear.
- Bye.

And good luck with
the sea bass, what?

Goodbye Mrs. Doberman.

All right, and be sure to
give my boy a big hug for me.

Duane? Yes, I will.

I'll smother him, goodbye.

Didn't I tell you?
Here's what we'll do.

- Yeah.
- We'll sleep in 4 hour shifts.

I'll start first.
Wait a minute...

Get rid of some of these pots,

we'll have mice in the car.

Well, we'll be in Scranton
in time for breakfast.

Let her roll.

It's nice and quiet with
those soldiers gone.

Yeah, the guy with the
glasses was sure a windbag.

Maybe it's Louie.

- What are you doing back here?
- Oh you boys are back.

Oh we hate to take
advantage of your hospitality

but our car broke down.

We won't be able to get
the spare part till the morning.

Well, stay as long as you like.

Make yourselves comfortable.

- Isn't she sweet?
- You'll excuse me, won't you?

Oh why don't you boys
all play a game together?

A game? Oh what are you playing?

- What is that?
- Would you mind keeping quiet.

I like to concentrate
on my game.

Go right ahead.

What's that other
game fellows sometimes,

paker, or is it called plaker?

Po, po, poker!

Oh I've always been
fascinated by that game.

I hear it's sometimes
played for money.

We don't want to play poker.

Well, it's just as well.

I have very little card sense.

You could have used that.
Why did you discard that?

You dealt with a good card.

You just broke up the
whole sequence there.

All the parts... Roc?

- Yeah.
- Who won the ballgame?

I don't know, Henshaw's
got the sports section.

Hey Sarge, I've been reading
about that bank hold up.

Can you imagine?

These guys got away
with 50,000 bucks.

Yeah, don't worry
they'll get caught.

If I was on the case I would
have caught them already.

You would? How?

I'd look for them
in the right place.

What would you
say the right place is?

Well, put yourself in
the bank robber's place,

where would you go?
- You tell us.

Well, I know one
place you wouldn't go.

You wouldn't be
out in the open road

with state troopers
blocking every turn.

- No you wouldn't, huh?
- No.

Do you know what you
do? You'd find a nice hideout,

an inconspicuous
spot, a boarding house...

Boarding house, right
like this one right here,

this would be a perfect
hideout, wouldn't it?

If we did find a hideout,
how could we be sure

we wouldn't be spotted?

On that's a cinch, you pose
as businessmen on a vacation,

you know like hunters
or something like that.

Or maybe even fishermen.

Yeah, now you're
getting the idea.

Fishermen is even
better you know why,

because it's easier to
get a fish than it is a deer.

- You see?
- Yeah it is.

And to make it look
good, every night

they would come home
with a fish, they show...

And...

I just remembered
an all night garage,

where we can get some
fish, I mean some spare parts.

- You ain't going no place.
- Hold it!

You're gonna stay right here
with us till Louie gets here.

Well, you obviously
planned a reunion with Louie.

- We don't...
- Shut up!

I'm so sorry to have
to leave you boys.

But I've gotta go to a
garden club meeting.

Tonight we're
discussing nasturtiums.

I'm crazy about nasturtiums.
I wish I could go with you.

Why don't you, we'd
love to have you.

I think I'm wanted more here.

Oh I'm so glad you
boys all got so friendly.

Now if you get hungry, there's
plenty of food in the ice box.

Is there anything you want
me to do for you while I'm out?

Yes.

No I can't think of anything.

Oh, I'm so glad you
boys decided to stay over.

You know, I don't
like that night driving.

It could be dangerous.

What are you looking for?

I just wanted to make
sure Finch didn't hear me.

You're a much more
higher calibre man than he is

and I'm sure we can
come to an understanding.

Yeah.

Well, it's silly of you to
waste your time watching me.

You know what I mean, I
have such a bad memory,

if I walked out of here,
I'd forget your face,

your name, anything?
- Am I right, George?

- George?
- My name is Rocco.

You see what I mean?

Like some people get
colds, with me it's amnesia.

So it's silly of you to waste
your time watching us.

- We'll just run along.
- Sit down!

Did you ever think of selling
your life story to a magazine?

I've got a good title for you.

- "I was a fisherman for the FBI."
- Shut up and eat!

- You said you wanted a sandwich?
- Yeah.

Ah oh, could I have
some mustard, please?

Thank you very much,
just some mustard.

- There ain't no mustard.
- How about some ketchup?

Is there any ketchup
there? Would you mind?

I sure wish Louis would...

what are you doing
with that piece of paper?

Nothing, you know
what I mean..idle hands,

you've got nothing else to do.

I was making a
little toy airplane.

I used to do this
when I was a kid.

It was a compulsive
thing to me. Remember...

Thought that was a lot
of fun when we're kids.

Thank you very much.

Hey listen you guys
have been here some time,

do you know any girls in town?

Maybe we can get together
have a party before...

Doesn't he ever shut up?

I've been watching him for
2 hours, he ain't shut up yet.

See who it is? You
2 fellows keep eating.

Come over here
blabbermouth, come on!

- What do you want kid?
- Mrs. Doberman in?

My mother sent me over
to borrow a cup of sugar.

Sugar, sugar?

Sure, there oughta be
some sugar in the kitchen.

Hello little boy. How are you?

Hey, this guy's
nuts! Yeah I know.

Hey you dropped your airplane.

Take it with you,
it's a lot of fun.

I don't want it.

No, no, take it home and show
it to your Mommy and Daddy.

Show it to your
Daddy. It's fun! Fun!

I don't want it.

I got a model
rocket ship at home.

Oh no, this is fun take it.

Oh leave the kid alone.

You and your crazy
airplanes, crash landing!

Don't cry little boy. I'll
make you another airplane.

- But I don't want it.
- Here's your sugar.

Thanks for the sugar.

Hey look at this, this guy
was trying to send a message.

Oh he was, was he?

Well, he ain't gonna
send no messages.

I'm gonna break his arm.

Why break my arm,
just break the pencil.

Oh somebody at the
door, I'll see who it is.

No, you won't.
I'll see who it is.

Take those guys in there.

Come on you 2 guys! Come on!

Hi. Hi.

Officer, am I glad to see you.

What can we do for you officer?

Whose car is that outside the
one with the Kansas license plate?

- Mine.
- Oh, you're from out town.

I guess you didn't notice,
you're parked in a 1 hour zone.

You'll have to move it.

- Move it, I'll move it right now.
- No, that's all right.

Go ahead finish your
sandwich. I'll move it.

I just thought I'd tell you.

You see we, we like
to give visitors a break.

Well, goodnight.

Just a minute, I don't
think I like your tone.

- Pardon?
- What was that what you just said,

something about move
the car, what was that?

All I did was ask
you to move your car.

Now you're doing it
again, "Move your car!"

No, no, don't push
people around.

Now look buddy, I don't
wanna have any trouble with you.

It's all right officer,
I'll move that car.

Now look, you keep out of this.
You're not gonna move that car.

He's gonna move
that car, or else...

Or else, look at me scared
to death, or else ha ha ha...

All right wise guy that does it.

You're coming
downtown. Let's go.

- Good.
- Oh Billy Stevens.

What are you doing
here with Sgt. Bilko?

It's all right, dear.
He's arresting me.

Oh no, he's not gonna
do any such thing.

You're not gonna
arrest the Sergeant.

But Mrs. Doberman
his car is at...

Now look, he's
just doing his duty.

Now don't try to defend him.

I've known Billy Stevens
since he was a little boy

and he's always
been a troublemaker.

Now you go on! Scat! Go on!

Yeah, but Mrs.
Doberman his car...

I'll call your mother
if you don't go.

Well, I guess I just
got here in time.

You certainly
use perfect timing.

At last you're here.
They're asleep.

- You can take them.
- Who are you?

Sgt. Bilko they've got me
and my 2 buddies trapped.

Oh am I glad to see
you. Let me handle this.

All right up on your feet!
All right, you little rats.

You never had me scared
for a minute you punks.

Louie! It's Louie!

What are you
doing in that getup?

I just wiped it from
a state trooper.

I figured the cops wouldn't
be looking for another cop.

Anybody else in the house?

Just the old lady.
She's sleeping upstairs.

- Who are these guys?
- Can't you see?

3 soldiers, they stumbled
in here yesterday.

Yeah, we're just 3 innocent
soldiers on a furlough.

Yeah, you see we
were on our way to...

- Quiet!
- What did I do?

- Hold it!
- You loused up every other caper.

You're not gonna
louse up this caper.

Hey what a minute, caper,
what was he gonna say?

I don't know, what were
you gonna say, bullets?

- Bullets?
- Yeah, Bullets Barbella.

He's out of Detroit.

I thought you said
these guys were soldiers.

They are. We frisked them good.

All we found was $5 and a map.

Map, eat the map,
get rid of the map!

- Eat it! Eat it!
- Hey, let me see.

All right, it's nothing.

It's just a route from Kansas
to New York, it's nothing.

Kansas to New York,
huh? Who are you kidding?

According this map you
did more travelling sideways.

- What's with this crazy route?
- It's no use.

He's sharper than
these other 2 creeps.

I might as well tell him.

All right, we
zigzagged from Kansas

then we had a
stop off at Joliet.

I had to pick up
Fingers Henshaw.

- I needed his talent.
- Safe man, huh?

One of the best in the business,

he hasn't used
a key in 30 years.

All we needed is some capital
so we stopped over South Bend.

We knocked off the
Mullen Candy Factory.

Then we zigzagged
until we got here.

We eluded the cops and
now we're ready for the big job.

You're gonna pull a job here?
I thought you were a soldier.

Thought you was a state trooper.

What are you heisting, the bank?

Nothing so small time
as a bank, no offense.

- The chemical factory.
- Steel works?

Not the steel works payroll?

Would you come all the way
from Kansas for anything less?

Oh no, not the
steel works payroll!

- That's impossible.
- It is, huh?

Not when you've got
the right connections.

But all those police...

Sure, now you
know the connection.

You mean the police
are gonna cover for you?

Look, there's enough loot
to take care of anybody.

I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.

- You can't buy that many cops.
- I like this.

I like this kind of a mind.
He don't believe nothing.

That's the kinda guy I
want in on the caper with us.

- Ah, boss...
- He's in.

- Oh I don't want him.
- He's in!

No, no, you guys
weren't nice to me.

Now look, if you let
me call my connection,

I could set up the
whole gimmick.

- Okay, okay, yeah.
- We'll clear a cool million on this

- Sure. Sure.

Help! Help!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Hey Finch, turn on
that radio real loud.

I don't want the
neighbours to hear.

Louie wait a minute, Louie,
you're crushing a soldier's tie,

that's a federal rap Louie.

Ladies and gentlemen
we interrupt this program

to bring you a
special news bulletin.

- Hey Sarge.
- Shut up! I wanna hear this.

The 3 bandits who held
up the bank yesterday

are not believed to be
in the vicinity of Altoona.

One of them eluded
capture early tonight

dressed in the uniform
of a state trooper.

- We've gotta get out of here.
- Louie, why don't you...

These men are
armed and dangerous.

Louie, face it, you're through.
They know who you are.

They know you're dressed
up in a state trooper's outfit.

They know your buddies
are dressed as fishermen.

The minute they see you,
they're gonna start blasting.

They won't ask questions.

- Get going.
- Please don't send us out there.

- They'll shoot us down like dogs.
- That's the idea.

Now get going and then
when we hear on the radio

that they got you, we'll
finish your furlough,

won't we corporal.
- Yes Sarge.

- Louie.
- Come on get moving.

This then is how
it must end, huh?

Is this ironic?

All my life I've lived
honestly and cleanly

now I gotta die like a gangster.

- Look, Louie, give me...
- Move!

All right let me go first.

Maybe they'll miss you fellas.

I didn't do it. It wasn't us.

How's that for timing?
Not a minute too soon.

You're a genius Louie.

Come on, let's beat it. The
car's parked in the back.

- Yeah.
- Hold it!

Hey, you just missed
the bank robbers.

They beat it out front.

We didn't miss them, Louie.

You're coming with us.

- Louie?
- Now cut the act.

We know who you are. Get moving.

Move! Move!

But there's one thing I don't
understand Mrs. Doberman.

If you knew they were
crooks all the time,

why didn't you call
the cops sooner?

Well, I was waiting
for Louie to show up

so I could catch 'em all.

- I thought he'd never get here.
- Isn't she wonderful?

Now I know where
Duane gets it, huh?

Come on Sarge, let's
get out of these clothes.

If we hurry we can get to
Novak's house in Scranton

in time for breakfast.

Okay, but one
thing, Novak's is out.

From now on we
eat in restaurants.

- Why?
- It's healthier.

Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's show were:

Dulcie Cooper as Mrs. Doberman.

Henry Lasko as Wilson.

Phil Coolidge as Finch.

Frank Campanella as Louie.

And Flip Mark as the little boy.