The Phil Silvers Show (1955–1959): Season 1, Episode 11 - Bivouac - full transcript

Company "A" will be here.

Sergeant Bilko's platoon
will bi... bivouac in this area.

- Same as every year.
- Same as every year.

Yes, but with one exception...

This year we'll have
Sergeant Bilko with us.

Sergeant Bilko... that's the
one you told me about, sir?

Yes, Sergeant Bilko...
"Sick Call" Ernie.

Hmm...

Once a year, uh, the word
"bivouac" brings on a complaint

that Major Donald...

Now, Colonel, when a soldier
comes in with a strange ailment,



I must put him in the hospital.

Strange ailment...
Look at his record.

Every year, a new disease.

Rhinitis, oafitis, bovinitis...

Bovinitis... it took you a week

to find out it only
affected cows.

Tonsillitis twice.

Once the hard
way, without tonsils.

I confess, Colonel, I'm
helpless in Bilko's hands.

I know. That's why I'm asking
Captain Curtis to examine today.

What's this the men called
you at your last medical post?

Oh, I believe it was
"Iron Curtain" Curtis, sir.

"Iron Curtain" Curtis.

Yes, sir. They've really
got to be sick to get by me.



Captain, if you
let Bilko get by...

Sir, you can consider
Sergeant Bilko on bivouac.

"This platoon"... that's you...

"led by Sergeant E.
Bilko"... That's me...

"will leave at 0900 on foot,

"carrying full pack
tents, field equipment

"and proceed 20 miles
to Bivouac Area B,

known locally as
Bittleman's Swamp."

Anything else?

Sick call.

Now, I... Here, here, here.

Back.

Stay! Attention!

You guys have been
goofing off pretty good.

Eyes right.

Attention. Forward march.

Nothing, nothing. You're
not on the ball at all.

Come on, men, let's
get behind the colonel

in this glorious project of his
to turn us into hard-muscled,

steely-eyed American soldiers

that we've admired so
many times in the newsreels.

Ten-hut!

Dismissed.

Put me on the sick list.

I'll be in the hospital
in 15 minutes.

Oh, Ernie, not again.

Sarge, what's wrong?

I'll soon find out. Get
me my medical book.

Ernie, every year,
we go on bivouac,

and every year, you and
the other master sergeants

check into the hospital
for a week of poker.

Rocco, I'd love to join you
guys in the great outdoors,

but I'm just not that type.

I told that to my draft
board, but they wouldn't...

Ah, here it is.

Symptoms of Rare
Tropical Diseases.

Here it is, gentlemen.

This is the key way... The
key way to gracious living.

Ah, Mess Sergeant Sowici.

What pinnacles of
gastronomical delights

are your busy little
hands fixing for us today?

Chipped beef on toast.

Yes, sir, and only
you can make it, pal,

with the lumps
in the right places.

You do a great job,
Stanley; great job.

You look a little
tired, a little peaked.

You could use a little rest.

I got news for you, Ernie...

This year we ain't going
into the hospital with you.

Wait till you see the disease
I picked out for you, pal.

It's a real grabber.
You'll love it.

Forget it, Ernie.

Every year you come in here

and try to talk us into going
to the hospital with you.

You know, being locked
up with you in isolation

is like being in a
foxhole with a real fox.

You ain't gonna get us...

What's the disease?

Major Donald will really
flip when he sees you.

- Spiralitis.
- Spiralitis?

Yeah, you show up on sick call

with your body twisted
all the way around.

Twisted around?

Yeah, it's a dis...

It's a disease common with
the natives of Madagascar.

You got to stay out of the wind

or you'll get screwed
into the ground.

Now look, all you got to do...

Forget it, Ernie. We
ain't going in with you.

Get yourself another
sucker. I've had it.

Now, you're not going to
leave me in that isolation ward

all by myself with my
Wilkinson's disease.

Oh, that's what you got?

Oh, it's perfect.

The only symptom's
a pain in the chest,

spot in front of your eyes
and your right hand trembles.

Oh, it's great.

I ain't going in with you.

Oh, you'll go.

Hey, tell me, isn't this
huckleberry pie a little sweet?

It's blueberry pie.

You taste that and tell
me it's blueberry pie.

Blueberry.

Oh, those taste buds of yours.

In France, you'd be knighted.

Now, don't forget... when
you come to the hospital,

bring a lot of food,

we'll be in there a week.

I ain't going, Ernie.

You'll be there,
you'll be there.

- No.
- You'll be there.

- No.
- Oh, please, listen to me.

- I ain't going.
- You'll be there, pal.

- No. No.
- Don't worry about it.

The creeping Caledonian croup?!

Oh, it's great.

I was going to take
that one for myself,

but it's you, Andy, it fits you.

You'll be the talk of the
malignant disease set.

I ain't going in with you.

At least on the post,

I'm free to run when
you flash a deck of cards,

but what chance have I
got cooped up with you

in an isolation ward?

Look, when you show
up in the major's office,

bend over and wheeze a lot.

It'll be very effective.

- I'm not going in.
- Oh, you'll be in.

And look, when you
come to the hospital,

be sure and bring
your mambo records.

I hear there's a new nurse...

When she hears the
maracas, goes out of her mind.

It's no use, Ernie.

It's no use. We took a vow.

I'm not going in
with you this year.

You'll be in there.
Look, I'm going now.

Last one into the hospital
is a dirty thermometer.

I'm... I'm not
going to be there.

Why do you always
fight me? When I...

Tell me, is this blueberry
pie or huckleberry pie?

- Blueberry.
- I guess you're right.

Well, see you at the hospital.

Oh, no, I'm not
going to the hospital.

I made up my mind...
You'll be there, pal.

I'm not.

That's perfect, perfect, pal.

Major Donald will swear that
you got rutabaga poisoning.

I never tasted
rutabaga in my life.

You never?

You'll have your picture

on every medical
journal cover in the world.

Now look, when you show up,

be sure and bring
your record player,

'cause Pendleton's
bringing his mambo records.

I told you, you're going
in without us this year.

Why does everybody
fight me? You're going...

Is this huckleberry
pie or blueberry pie?

Blueberry.

Hmm. That's what I thought.

- See you at the hospital.
- I'm not going in.

Oh, you'll be there, pal.

I'm telling you
I'm not going in.

Well, sir, Sergeant
Bilko isn't here yet.

He'll be here.
It's bivouac time.

When he comes, don't forget.

Don't worry, Colonel.

Miss Swenson and
I know every trick.

He'll find out that
Captain Curtis and I

are running a hospital,
not a hideaway for fakers.

Mm-hmm.

I think Bilko is
in for a surprise.

- Yes?
- Bilko?

He is? Send him right in.
We were expecting him.

Do you mind if I stay?

I've always wanted
to catch his act.

It'll be a very short act,
I can assure you, sir.

Oh, excuse me. I was
expecting Major Donald.

- Bilko.
- Sir?

This is Captain Curtis... One
of our new medical officers.

He's making the
examinations today.

Captain, glad to
have you aboard, sir.

Colonel, you do have the happy
knack of surrounding yourself

with excellent men.

I always say Johns Hopkins'
loss is our gain, Captain.

Never mind.

What's your stand on
socialized medicine, Cap...?

Never mind!

Take over, Captain.

Well, Sergeant,
what is it this time?

What? Noth... Wh-What's
wrong this time?

Wrong?

Oh, I see what you're doing.

You think I'm here on sick call.

I never felt better
in my life, sir.

You what?!

Of course. I just came here
to check on some of my men...

See if they're trying
to get out of bivouac

by pretending they're sick.

They're a great
bunch of boys, Captain,

but they are rascals.
They are rascals.

This is Sergeant Bilko?

Bilko, you mean
it's bivouac time

and there's nothing
wrong with you?

No, sir. Just a little
quickening of the pulse,

thumping of the heart, anxious
to get out in those open spaces

with my men, digging
those foxholes.

Oh, sir, there's
nothing like bivouac.

How do you know?
You've never been on one.

Really, sir, that's unkind.

Just because in the past
I've been unfortunate enough

to get these rare
afflictions, I have no...

I know, I know.

We shove off in 15 minutes.

Yes, sir, and I'm
looking forward to it.

Finally getting
out on bivouac, sir.

Oh, this is a dream come true.

Never thought I'd make it, sir.

Neither did I.

Ah, he's a grand man, a
grand man, the colonel.

They don't make
'em like him anymore.

You know, top man in
his class at West Point.

You knew that,
didn't you, Captain?

Sir, I see you're busy.

If you'll just sign
these papers,

- I'll be off and join my men.
- What papers?

Well, it just says that
I'm in perfect health

to go on bivouac.

If you'll sign it, sir, I'd
appreciate it very much.

You want me to sign this?

Well, you see, the men,
they're gossipers, you know.

They're afraid that if I go
on bivouac, I'll break down.

They don't want
the responsibility

of bringing a body home.

You know that's
just false rumors.

If you'll just sign, assuming

all the responsibilities,
I'd appreciate it.

Well, just a second. I mean,
uh, it's silly signing anything

if you're in perfect health.

Sir, perfect... If I was
in any better health,

I'd be on all the
recruiting posters.

I... Nothing,
nothing at all, sir.

Sometimes it's a
little shvitz in there.

It's nothing at all.

If you'll just sign,
I'd appreciate it.

Well, I don't like
to sign anything

until I'm sure I know
what I'm signing.

Sir, it's just a mere
formality. If you'll just sign it.

- Sergeant.
- Yes, sir?

Your hand... does it
always shake like that?

Oh, no, no, sir. It's just...
Uh, it was just an accident.

I'm just a little tense. I'm
dying to get out in those

open fields, join my men
on that bivouac, in the out...

- What is it, Sergeant?
- Nothing! Nothing at all, sir.

Nothing. I take a deep
breath, and it all goes...

Are you sure you're all right?

Oh, sir, I'm in perfect
health. You can... you can...

Excuse me, sir, I don't
want to be impertinent,

but is, uh, that
a regulation tie?

Why, of course it is.

With polka dots?

Do you see polka dots?

Uh, aren't there any p...?

Must be these glasses.

I must have them
cleaned, sir, I really must.

Now, wait a minute,
Sergeant. Now, just one minute.

Trembling hands, pain in the
chest, spots before the eyes.

- Now, what is that?
- Sir, it's...

- It's nothing, sir, believe me.
- What is that?

I'm in perfect health, the
only Bilko so far who's never

contracted the family
curse of Wilkinson's...

- Wilkinson's!
- No, sir, I didn't mean to say that.

I heard an old
cousin... Please, sir!

Pay no attention
to what you saw, sir.

It's noth... It's
on page 82, sir.

It's nothing at all,
because, please, sir,

I'm in great health.

Wilkinson's, huh?
Trembling hands...

Sir, please.

Nurse, orderly, this
is an emergency.

I'm putting you in
isolation immediately.

The hospital? Oh, no, sir.

Put this man to bed.

Sir, won't you reconsider?

I want to join my men.

- What ward, sir?
- Sir, please don't...

Ward D, the same ward.

- Would you please...?
- Put him in isolation.

- Sir!
- Stand back!

What's the matter with you men?

Don't you realize that
Wilkinson's disease

is the most contagious ever
known to medical science?

Good heavens, I'd almost forgot.

Sir, please forgive...

There's luggage in the hall.

Don't just stand there,
my luggage out there...

Sir, won't you recon...

Bilko, who were you
in contact with today?

Sir, I'm no stool pigeon.
My lips are sealed.

Bilko, we've got to
round up those men

and put them in the
same ward with you,

for the health of
this whole post.

Now, who are they?

Well, if you put
it that way, sir,

I did share the same
piece of pie with three...

Same piece of pie?

Now, what were
those fellows' names?

- Think, Bilko.
- There's so many men on the post. I...

Oh, yes, I believe it was,
uh, Sergeant Sowici...

- Sowici.
- Pendleton
and Grover.

- Sowici...
- But sir, please reconsider.

I've never felt better...

- No! No, I'm...
- Quick, put him through examination.

I'm in perfect
health. Won't you...?

- Hey, are these your things?
- Be careful with that luggage.

There's some egg rolls
there. I don't want it squashed.

I said...

- Sergeant Sowici.
- Oh, yes, Captain Curtis.

Sergeant Sowici, did
you taste the piece of pie

that Sergeant Bilko
was eating today?

Yes, it was blueberry.
He tried to tell me it

was huckleberry.

Grab him, put him in
isolation immediately.

But it was blueberry.
I made it myself.

Please, fellas, not in the
same ward with Sergeant Bilko.

I got the new shirts,
the new slacks.

They're yours.
But not with Bilko.

All I did was eat
one little piece of pie.

Don't put me in the
same room with Bilko.

Not with Bilko.

We're ready to go, sir.

The men are moving
out to the bivouac area.

Yes, I know.

Look, there goes
Bilko's platoon.

This is a sight I've
been waiting for...

Bilko leading his men.

Where is he?

- Maybe he's behind them.
- Oh, oh, didn't you hear, sir?

Hear what?

Oh, it's tragic.

Oh, don't tell me.

Yes, sir, he's in the hospital.

Captain Curtis says it's
one of the rarest diseases.

Stop the bivouac!

- Stop the bivouac?
- Stop the bivouac!

This outfit doesn't
go out without Bilko.

Yes, sir.

He's not getting
away with it! He...

All right, this is it, men.
Unpack the luggage.

I'll tell you where
everything goes.

Oh, Sergeant Bilko's back.

Back again.

- Can a moth stay away from the flame?
- Stop.

Hello. Give me the diet kitchen.

Hello. Mrs. Dombradski.

Yes, it's Ernie.

She remembers me.

What else do you remember, dear?

Yes, the steaks... blood
rare. There's a good girl.

And look, Lena, this year

with the goulash,
go out of your mind.

Plenty of paprika.

Yes, I love you, too,
you passionate Pole.

All right, darling.

Yeah, all right,
sweetheart. I'll see you la...

Wonderful girl, if
she could only cook.

He's made a fool of me, Major.

Nobody makes a fool of me.

Now, what's that?

That is mambo music.

Bilko's classes have started.

Miss Swenson,
see what's going on

and put a stop
to it immediately.

This is a hospital,
not Roseland.

Don't worry.

Let yourself go.

You're all off.
Chika-chika-chik.

Thika-thika-thik. Spa-spa-spa.

♪ Ta, ta-ta ♪

No, let's go! Let's go with it!

"¡Arriba!" Yell "¡arriba"!

¡Arriba, arriba!

¡Olé! ¡Olé!

- Wait a minute. Give me the beat.
- Stop this! -

Please, you'll have
to wait your turn.

Come on, darling. Bum-bum-bum...

May I ask what's going on here?

May I ask what you're doing
here when I didn't ring for you?

Ring for me?

This is Miss Swenson,
the head nurse.

Nurses, get back to your duties!

Miss Swenson, a
thousand pardons.

And here I've been
waiting to meet you all day.

What's going on
here?! I order you...!

- Stop!
- Stop?

Would you say that again
the way you just said it?

"I order you to..."
Say that again, please.

I order you to...

No, no, say it with
the same flash,

the same fire you
said it with originally.

Say it, please.

- I order you to...
- Do you see it?

Do you see the same
incredible interpretation?

Garbo.

- See that?
- Garbo?

You saw it, too. You
noticed it, didn't you?

What are you talking about?

Oh, you know what
I'm talking about.

The same bone
structure, the same fire,

the same inner beauty.

But then again,
Garbo was Swedish.

I'm Swedish.

Oh, no, please
don't drive me mad.

Don't, please.

It can't be! It can't be that
same happy coincidence.

You... Well, the bone
structure there, it's Garbo.

Look, we won't say a word.

What was your stage
name? Just tell us, please.

What nonsense are you talking?

Oh, you know what
I'm talking about.

Just tell us what
plays you've been in.

We live such a drab life.

We love you
people of the theater.

I was never on the stage.

He's crazy.

Yes, I'm crazy.

Crazy to think for a
moment this talent, this fire

could have been
hidden for so long.

You're exquisite,
that's what you are.

Tell us your stage name.

Come clean.

Well, in-in nurses school,
we did have a dramatic class.

Huh? Huh? I see things.

Did I notice it right away?

It was there all the time.

We did Peter Pan.

Peter... Oh, I can just see
you flying through the air.

I played the dog.

The dog?

Why, that producer
should be horsewhipped.

Anybody that would
take this talent... Oh!

What's wrong?!

Please, please
forgive this ecstasy,

but I just became
conscious of your hands.

My hands?

There's something about
Swedish women, gentlemen.

Their hands, they
tell you a story.

There's an electricity
in them that's...

Oh, it's just overwhelming.

Now, don't tell me

you never gave a
massage before in your life.

Well, as a matter of fact,
when I first came to New York...

Oh, of course. I
knew it right away.

That's magic in their hand...

Just, just against
the grain, dear.

Not too hard. That's
fine. Oh, that's good.

Over... Oh, it's heaven!

Oh, Ernie, you're a panic!

Hilda, gently, Hilda.

Hilda, gently. You're ruining
my clavicle. Gently, Hilda.

And then she says to me,
"Look, he bought a goat. Fine.

"But how did you get a goat

that looks just
like the colonel?"

Ha-ha-ha!

Oh, wait, it gets better.

And then... Attention!

Oh, sir, I need some
more oxygen. These beds...

Quiet! On your feet!

- Sir, these...
- On your feet!

Miss Swenson,
what's going on here?

Well, Ernie here complained...

- She was kind enough...
- Now, you keep quiet!

Miss Swenson, come with me.

I know where we left off, dear.

- I'll tell you later.
- Miss Swenson!

Colonel, it's nice of you to...

Some fruit for
the Colonel. Fruit!

Never mind, Bilko.

Pardon me for
breaking in like this.

I know you didn't ring for me.

Oh, sir, please, be free to
come here whenever you want.

Won't you, please?

Thank you, Bilko.

I know you... how you missed

not being out there
leading your men.

Sir, if they hadn't
hidden my clothes,

- I'd tear through these walls, sir.
- I know.

Ah! Sergeants Sowici,
Pendleton and Grover.

Hail, hail, the gang's all here.

How about that? ♪ Hail... ♪

♪ Hail, the gang's all here... ♪

Quiet!

Bilko, for the past eight years

I have been laboring
under the delusion

that I run this post.

It's time to face facts.

You, Sergeant Bilko,
you run this post.

Oh, sir, I couldn't do it
without your cooperation.

Really. I give you my word,
sir, you're a peerless leader.

I am a stooge.

No, sir, don't say that.

But from now on,
the joyride is over...

Private.

12 years of suffering.

12 years of finagling
and goofing off.

And you're going to get
out there on that bivouac.

But sir, regulations.

Regulations? Regulations?

Look who's talking
about regulations!

"Tactibulba fatalis."

Mm-hmm. We'll use that one.

But Captain, it's
against all regulations.

I know. That's why only the
two of us must know about it.

He's made a fool of
us, Miss Swenson.

Now, two can play at that game.

We're gonna throw a
scare into Sergeant Bilko

that's gonna keep
him off sick call

for the rest of his life.

Where's his overseas record?

Here. To think I let him fool
me into giving him a ma...

Quiet!

Let's see. Stationed
in New Guinea

in the settlement of
Gubichi. Mm-hmm.

Come along, Miss Swenson.

What is this? What is this?

Somebody would think
I was sick or something.

Sergeant, all we know is

you were just put
on the critical list.

Critical list.

I knew I overdid it.

I'm the victim of
my own talents.

Under the "O," 81.

He's ready.

Under the "N..."

Hello, Captain, join us.

Bingo. It's only ten
cents a card, all right?

Now, Sergeant
Bilko, just relax, relax.

Miss Swenson, I'm sure
this X ray must be wrong.

X ray?

Let me fess up to you,
Captain, so I can tell you what...

Now, please, Sergeant, please.

Hmm. Has every sign.

Well, we'll have to
make some more tests.

Look, look, look, Captain,
before you go out on a limb,

I'd better confess.

I never had Wilkinson's disease.

We know that,
Sergeant, we know that.

The X rays prove you
haven't Wilkinson's disease,

but thank heavens we took
that X ray and found out.

Found out what?

Now don't get alarmed, Sergeant.

No case of Tactibulba fatalis

has ever been reported
in this country before.

Tactibulba falali...
What is that?

It's a tropical disease,
a hundred percent fatal.

A hundred percent fatal?!

Now, Sergeant,
you couldn't possibly

have Tactibulba fatalis.

Oh, thanks.

No. You see, the disease
is cons... uh, confined

to the island of New Guinea, so
how could you possibly have it?

New Guinea? I was stationed
in New Guinea during the war.

- You were?
- Yes.

Oh, no, it couldn't be.

You see, this disease occurs
only in a tiny little settlement

- called Gubichi, so how could you...?
- Gubichi!

I was there for 18...!

You know I was in...! Yes, sir!

Miss Swenson, alert

the Walter Reed Tropical
Disease lab immediately!

Tell them we've
isolated Tactibulba fatalis!

Sir, fatalis?

Miss Swenson, you
better send it in code,

- or it's gonna panic the country.
- Sir, don't...

Now, Sergeant, you're
going to be all right.

Miss Swenson,
alert the chaplain.

The chaplain! Let's not...!

The post won't be
the same without Bilko.

Where is Captain Curtis?

He's at Sergeant
Bilko's side, sir.

Well, he won't be for long.

I have an order here
from Major Donald stating

that Bilko is perfectly
fit to go on bivouac.

That phony faker!

He's spent his last
day in this hospital.

His last day!

What's wrong?

Sir, that "phony
faker," as you call him,

is at death's door.

I didn't know.

I didn't know.

I didn't know.

Come in.

Am I too late?

Uh, sir, I'd like to speak
to you for a moment.

I know all about it.

Please, leave me
alone with the boy.

- Sir, I'd like to explain so...
- Please! That's an order.

Yes, sir.

Hello, Ernie.

Colonel...

Oh, no, Bilko, you
don't have to salute.

I'd feel better...

Well, sir, I sure got
out of bivouac, didn't I?

Pretty nurses, mambo record!

Don't worry, don't worry.

You'll be out of
here in no time.

You're gonna be all right.

No use, Colonel, I know.

I've been ordered to that
big bivouac up yonder.

Bilko, here are your...

here are your stripes back.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Master Sergeant Bilko.

You will see that I'm
wearing these when they...?

With full military honors.

I mean, you're
gonna be all right.

Full military honors...
I don't deserve it, sir.

I've been a bad soldier.

No, Bilko, you've
been a good soldier.

It was a pleasure to
inspect your barracks.

They were the
cleanest on the post.

Colonel, I have to confess.

I can't have it on
my conscience.

What?

Those weren't my
barracks you inspected.

I always led you to
the barracks next door.

You mean...?

S... Sir, I don't blame
you for being angry.

- Who cares?
- You're a great military leader, sir.

Great military leader.

Bilko... I must confess.

Uh, you know all that talk

about me being top man
in my class at West Point?

Weren't you, sir?

They called me "melon head."

Melon head?!

Shh, shh, shh!

You must carry that secret
with you to your grave.

I-I mean, you're
gonna be all right.

Colonel, the captain
has something

very important to tell you.

I'll be right back, Bilko.

I will be with you
right to the la...

I mean, you're
gonna be all right.

And...

I'm going to give you
a leave for one month.

That's a promise.

Sir, if I can ever
get out of here,

I'll take a bivouac for a month.

That's a promise.

Colonel, the captain
must speak to you.

Coming.

Hilda, Hilda, is
that you, Hilda?

Well, little Peter Pan,

I'll soon be in Never Neverland.

I can't stand it!

It's not your fault.

Oh, I can't be a part of
this torture any longer!

You're perfectly all right.

I'm... It was a trick.

You're very healthy.

We did it to scare you.

You kidding me?

You and Captain
Cur...? It's a gag?

- I'm all right?!
- Yeah.

- I can get on my feet again?
- Yes.

Back to the mambo?

And the colonel promised
me a month furlough.

Wait a minute.

I promised him I'd do
a month on bivouac.

Does the colonel
know about this?

No.

Get me back in bed.
Don't tell him anything.

I gotta get out of this promise.
Hilda, I'm depending on you.

Here, give me that.

He's resting very easil...

Colonel, is that you?

It's getting darker, sir. Dark.

Hang on.

- Colonel... - Sergeant... Uh...

- I made a promise that...
- I made a promise...

- After you, sir.
- No, you go ahead, Bilko.

Well, sir, I made a promise
to go out on bivouac, but sir,

I just realized, in
my condition I don't...

You'll live to go on
biv... bivouac, I know.

You promised.

But sir, my condition,
I don't think...

Well, now, Ernie,
it occurs to me

that I mentioned something
rather personal to you.

You mean, about
"melon head," sir?

Shh! Shh!

If you promise
not to reveal that...

Will you promise to
take me off bivouac, sir?

I didn't say that.

But sir, if you want
to make a deal...

I'm not making any deals!

Sir, please, you're yelling
at me! My condition...

I know your condition!
You're as healthy as a horse!

And you're going
on bivouac! MPs!

Sir, this shattered
body, you can't be...

Take this shattered body
and get it out on bivouac!

Sir, won't you...? M.H. M.H.!

Don't you dare!

Miss Swenson was
played by Philippa Bevans,

Captain Curtis by Arthur Storch.