The Pentaverate (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript

♪ Yahoo! ♪

♪ This is your celebration... ♪

Our flight to The Meadows today
will last eight hours.

- Drinky-poo!
- Yes!

Let's do it!

♪ There's a party
Going on right here ♪

♪ A celebration
At The Meadows this year ♪

♪ So bring your good times ♪

♪ And your hostages too ♪

Ooh!

Goddamn,
motherfucker bitches!



It's gonna be a party.

Ken.

What business do you think I'm in?

Fitness instructor?

Uh-uh.

I'm in the Skip Cho business,
motherfucker,

and that's whatever the fuck
makes me another billion.

You like that? You like that? You like it?

Okay. I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

You're coming with us to The Meadows,

whether you like it or not.

Orange alert! Orange alert! Orange alert!

Orange alert! Orange alert! Orange alert!



Orange alert! Orange alert!

Alert! All Pentaverate personnel
report to post!

I'm Maria Menounos.

Okay, gentlemen, listen up,
approximately 60 minutes ago,

a Tabloid Group jet
left New York for The Meadows.

Fimbra intelligence tells us
that Bruce Baldwin, Skip Cho,

and the prisoner Ken Scarborough
are on board.

- Where are the Red Robes?
- Gone like thieves in the night.

Can we cancel The Meadows?
I mean, I can't get through.

Outside communications have been severed,
and the guests are already arriving.

We were beaten like rented mules.

I don't like
this "beaten like rented mule."

First of all,
you should not beat a rented animal.

It is clear violation of rental agreement,
and you would lose deposit.

Thank you, Mishu.
Did they take their keys with them?

Yes, and they took the Parce Clavem.

Balls.

With three keys,
they can literally vote on anything.

Gentlemen, we have three keys.

I put forth motion
to enact the Demetrius Protocols.

- Seconded.
- Observed, sadly.

Let's take a vote.

Patty, where's the Da Vinci lock?

Before you get mad at me,
I sent you a memo about this.

Bruce had me send the Da Vinci lock
to The Meadows ahead of schedule.

All this time, we were focused
on the keys like schmucks,

and then Bruce steals the lock.

Kind of genius. Kind of genius.

Who knows what they're up to.

Well, not to say I told you so,

but I knew it was a bad idea admitting
Bruce Baldwin into the Pentaverate Five.

Nobody listened!

You should have gone
with my suggestion of Ethan Hawking!

- Who?
- Ethan Hawking.

The smart guy in the wheelchair
who wrote the book about time.

You mean Stephen Hawking?

Yeah. What... what did I say?

Uh, how much time do we have?

Well, uh, Bruce should land
in about seven hours.

If you left right now on the Musk,
you could beat him.

MENTOR!

Prepare the Musk for departure.

No can do, Patty-cakes.

Bruce set malware in my motherboard
to lock the wheels of the Musk.

One of you skeezers
has to go into my mainframe

and manually override this shit.

The world's most powerful computer,
and you can't unlock the fucking wheels?

It's manual override, asswipe.

Last time I checked, I don't have hands.

Patty, how do you suggest we proceed?

Well, I'm just an assistant.
I don't make those kind of decisions.

No one knows this organization
better than you.

Well, I do have a few ideas.

If I remember my thermodynamics correctly,

increasing MENTOR'S temperature
will cause a temporary reset,

which should be enough time
to override Bruce's malware.

Mishu, try to restore communication
with Dubrovnik Central.

- Got it.
- Shep, go man the control room.

Copy, Patty.

We have a solid 30-second window
to deactivate MENTOR'S mainframe

and disengage the Musk brakes.

Well-done, Patty.

All right, people, places.
We must save the Pentaverate Five!

In 1948,
in Cowes on the Isle of Wight,

a star was born,

who would later turn out to be
Jeremy John Irons.

He was classically trained
at the Bristol Old Vic

and gained notoriety
for his many West End productions,

although his greatest achievement was...

What? Contractually,
I can only talk about the Pentaverate?

Oh, fine.

The Pentaverate. Secret society,
five men, claim to be nice.

You know,
I really question the idea of nice,

as they just piked poor Higgins.

Oh God, I'm getting tired of this shit.

I've had tee too many martoonies.

I'm getting slightly munted.

♪ Money, money, money, money... ♪

Ah!

Motherfucker bitches! Whoo!

All right, then,
let's start at the beginning.

♪ Money, money, money ♪

By the time I was 40,

I'd built a media empire
on a global scale.

The Tabloid Group.

We told the people what to buy
and who to vote for.

I was the go-to guy when the powerful
needed to bring down an opponent.

- We appreciate your help, Brucey.
- You're welcome.

I was the motherfucker
who created disinformation,

and I had them eating out of my hands.

- Ow!
- Boundaries?

What boundaries?

Ow! Oh!

Hey.

I was at the height of my career.

Whoo! Goddamn!

I love cocaine!

Next thing you know, I'm in New York...

...forced into the Pentaverate.

Who the fuck are you?

The Pentaverate.

Once I was in the Pentaverate...

...the Colonel and I were able
to thwart the Millennium Bug.

Y2K was real.

...bug had no bite.

You're welcome.

But then the Internet arrived.

I tried to warn the Pentaverate

that the bad guys would use the Internet
the same way I used the tabloids,

only a million times worse.

Grenade!

And when Jason Eccleston joined in 2014
and created the supercomputer MENTOR...

Where the fuck am I?

...I thought we'd be able
to beat the Internet

by having a universal set
of agreed-upon facts.

MENTOR uploads all the world's knowledge

and calculates the probability
of the most accurate version of truth.

But instead we got
Internet clickbait conspiracy theories

and other opiates for the idiot masses.

Rex Smith here. We're talking about
what's happening in Provo, Utah.

There is a storage facility there.

And that's where they're keeping
all the dog smiles.

I thought people would be smart enough
to check facts, but no.

They're too addicted
to their smartphones and their tablets

and blah, blah, blah, fuckity blah.

"Oh, you'll never believe
what Phoebe Cates looks like now."

- She looks beautiful, by the way.
- Stunning.

She's a lovely lady.

What's the point of trying to help people

when they don't even want
to help themselves?

They don't deserve MENTOR.

And guess what?

They're not gonna get it.

Ugh!

Ooh!

Just a little bit of chunder.

Sorry about that.

A technicolor yawn.

Let me ask you a question.

Why do you need MENTOR?
What are you gonna do with it?

We're either gonna make trillions
by auctioning it off at The Meadows

or maybe create our own version of truth.

You didn't get enough votes
to win an election? Sure, you did.

As long as MENTOR says so.

Led a massacre on your own people?

With MENTOR, you can prove
that it actually didn't happen.

Holy jumpin'!

I know a few people
who would pay for that.

Me too, Skippy.

Whoa, whoa! Hang on!
What are you doing, Patty-cakes?

Voilà.

MENTOR mainframe
has been opened.

Here, put this on.

- Patty, what am I wearing?
- It's PPE! Homemade. Isn't it cute?

Hey, come on, hurry up.
We don't have much time, sir.

You are now entering
the MENTOR mainframe.

Please wear PPE.

No smoking.

If you're watching this,

that means that someone
has tried to dismantle MENTOR.

And I don't blame you.
He's kind of a prick really.

But what's important

is that the whole system
doesn't overheat for more than 30 seconds.

That could cause a complete meltdown,
and all the knowledge that has been gained

since the Library of Alexandria
could be lost,

including the 11th herb or spice

that Colonel Sanders had put
into his Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Now where was I?

Oh yeah!

Let me tell you how I killed them.

I put Donette in Jason's bong.

I thought I had convinced the Pentaverate

to replace Jason
with my old mate Skippy here.

I met Bruce many years ago
when he was still a media baron.

♪ One night in Bangkok
And the tough guys tumble ♪

♪ Can't be too careful with your company ♪

He stayed at one
of my casinos in Macao.

Bruce!

Oh, there you are!

And let's just say
Bruce is a man of exotic taste.

I like feet. No shame.

♪ I can feel the devil
Walking next to me ♪

But instead they went with Clark.

Yeah,
which totally sucked ass for me,

because I already told my trophy bitch
of a wife to go fuck herself.

So I did a total 180,
bought her a bunch of flowers

and ate a big shit sandwich
until Bruce here could call me in.

With The Meadows quickly approaching,
I had to act fast,

so I poisoned Clark.

Then the Maester got too close,
so it was bye-bye for him.

And Frick and Frack.

Cut off their heads.

Uh, sorry,
why would you cut off their heads?

Two reasons, sheila.

Shizzies

and gizzies.

At least I didn't cut off their dicks.

Well, actually, I did,
and then I sewed them back on.

Nice touch.

My point is, I brought in Skip
then the Red Robes,

and then all I needed
was to get the Parce Clavem,

giving me ultimate control
of the Pentaverate by having three votes.

But then you went and touched it,
you dopey Canadian bastard!

Ow!

Now I need you with your stupid key
to get three votes to sell MENTOR.

I'll never help you destroy the world!

The world's already destroyed.

The Internet destroyed it.

I'll never understand
people like you.

You have all the access to resources,
to money, knowledge, power,

to do something good for this world,

and still you choose evil?

- You'll never get away with this.
- You wanna bet?

The world thinks I'm already dead.

And after I get the Face/Off surgery,

I'll be on a beach somewhere
drinking peach Bellinis.

Oh, forgive my manners.
Can I offer you a drink?

- Oh, yes, please. I'm awfully parched.
- So am I, eh?

Here we go.

You've just been drugged.

So have you.

What's going on, Ken?

You seem high.

Whoo! Whoo!

What's going on
to this airplane?

What's going on, Ken?

Are you high?

Ooh, you seem fucking high, dude.

- Who's a fucked-up man?
- You are! You are!

- Who's a fucked up man?
- You are!

MENTOR is mine.

- All right!
- Okay.

If we remove the transducers,
it's gonna cause MENTOR to overheat.

My dear girl, where did you learn that?

There's a whole chapter on it
in the manual.

Did nobody read the manual?

Forgive me.
That was rather patronizing of me.

Await my command.

Standing by.

All right, here goes nothing.

- I wouldn't do that, Patty.
- All right.

I'm wicked smart.

♪ Where everybody
Knows your name... ♪

Disengage now!

You did it, Patty!

Let's get out of here.

Come on, Lord Lordington!

I'm going as fast as I can, I'm afraid.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Well-done!

- Good work! Good work! Good work!
- Well-done. Yes!

Rebooting.

What the fuck was that?

I had always hoped that MENTOR
would perfect enhanced intelligence

as a means of defeating
the evils of the Internet.

MENTOR needs a soul.

Someone kind, someone empathetic,
someone with a selfless heart.

So not this Dunkin' Douche?

Certainly not.

Hey!
You know I can hear you, right?

Hello? Hello?

No, no. All lines
to Dubrovnik have been cut,

and all lines to Meadows have been cut.

- Hello? Hello?
- Yes, we've not much time.

All right, let's shit this fuck.

I'll hold down the fort. You go get 'em.

No, no, Patty.

What you did today confirmed
something that I've long suspected.

You must join us on the train.

We need you.

Open that door.

Let's get out of here. Come on.

Keep up!

Lord Lordington, do you think
we'll be able to stop Bruce?

I... I honestly don't know.

We do the impossible every day.

Miracles take a little longer.

Mm-hmm.

A word to the wise.

This train is very, very fast.

One can get a bit vommy.

Oh please, I take
the New York City subway every day.

Reilly, are you okay?

I'm good. You?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Yeah.

All I wanted to do was break a big story
and get my show back.

But at the end of the day,

I'm just a local news guy.

I should have retired.

I'm getting too old for this.

Maybe some people
aren't meant to change the world.

Reilly,

I'm so sorry
I got you caught up in all this.

No, no, Ken.

I'm sorry I got you caught up in this.

Did you always have an English accent?

I know not everyone
has to change the world,

but I think we have a chance
to take those chaps down.

- You are English!
- Ken.

- I'm in the Fimbra Manus.
- What? What?

I was sent to Toronto by the Pentaverate
a year ago to take you to headquarters.

- Holy jumpin'...
- It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

I will explain everything.

In the final episode.

♪ Run, boy, run
This world is not made for you ♪

♪ Run, boy, run
They're trying to catch you ♪

♪ Run, boy, run
Running is a victory ♪

♪ Run, boy, run
Beauty lies behind the hills ♪

♪ Run, boy, run
This ride is a journey to ♪

♪ Run, boy, run
The secret inside of you ♪

♪ Run, boy, run
This race is a prophecy ♪

♪ Run, boy, run
And disappear in the trees ♪