The Penguins of Madagascar (2008–2015): Season 2, Episode 2 - Gator Watch/In the Line of Doody - full transcript
[toilet flushes]
[water gurgling]
[toilet flushes]
[gulping]
Um, Skipper?
Salt, please.
[toilet flushes]
Here you go, pri...vate.
Thank you, Skipper.
Uh, so, Kowalski, Have you
discovered any science...Things?
Kowalski?
Hmm?
Science?
Any new discoveries?
Oh, um...
Well, yes.
I've been experimenting with
transdimensional-- [toilet flushes]
Transdim-- [toilet flushes]
Tran--
[toilet flushes]
Oh, come on!
Enough already!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
But you can't rush
smoked salmon puffs.
They burn if you so much
as look at them the wrong way.
The food isn't the problem,
Roger.
[toilet flushes]
That is the problem.
We're eating
in a stinking sewer.
I know.
I know.
[sighs]
Flushing does not a great
dinner party make, right?
So I'll put on some show tunes.
Yeah, yeah, something bold and
brassy, A real 11 o'clock number.
Reptile, the sounds of the sewer
Are the least of our problem.
[sniffs] oh!
I'm sorry, guys.
I've lived down here so long,
I barely notice the smell.
Really?
How do you get used to--
- You can't!
You can't get used to that!
What, are you insane?
I hate my home.
So why not leave?
Many of your kind live
quite comfortably
In the South Florida area
known as gator alley.
Oh!
I just got that.
Alli-gator?
Gator?
Yeah, we get it, Kowalski.
Operation see ya later, gator,
is a go.
We'll need a large crate,
10 million deutschmarks,
And a c-17 cargo jet
on the runway in 15 minutes.
I might need 30 minutes
on the jet.
Blast it, man!
That could jeopardize
the whole mission.
Whoa!
Guys, I'm not moving.
Times Square, the met,
Broadway.
I mean, come on.
Broadway.
You can't ask me to give up
on my dream
Of singing
at the great white way.
No, I would rather live In the
worst sewer in the big apple
Than in the best swamp
in all of Florida.
I hear you, brother.
It's not the heat;
it's the humidity.
Uh, okay.
So I'll just stay put...
Down here... In this sewer...
On the banks
of this raging river of filth.
Oh, dear.
You can always move
to the zoo, Roger.
I could?
Negatory.
Our zoo overlords may be
somewhat slow on the uptake...
But even they would notice
the sudden appearance
Of an 800-pound alligator.
Despairot, Roger.
Compared to our usual
high-stakes tango,
Your little problem
is but a petty pirouette.
Oh, okay.
Which means what?
I don't know.
We'll find you a new home
right here
In the city that never sleeps.
Fresh air, sunshine, and a pond
To replicate your native
marshy environments.
Sold!
Done!
And we pirouette.
What do you think, Roger?
- It's--it's nice.
It's nice.
I got one question.
Why the log?
It's not very--
uh, what's the word?
Uh, comfortable.
Well, with the park's
predominantly human population,
You'll need camouflage.
Just hold still
when people are around.
Otherwise, they're likely
to-- - [woman screams]
Alligator!
Get the police!
Help!
- No, no, I'm not gonna--
- Help!
And finally,
from the wackadoo file,
Esther a. Paxton of paramus
claims
To have seen an actual alligator
in central park.
But when animal control
investigated,
All they found was this log.
[laughs]
Sounds like they were barking
up the wrong tree, Chuck.
Ha! You're out on a limb
there, Bonnie.
Ha!
Okay, I grant you,
there are issues
With our previous home proposal.
But this one's brilliant.
Are you really positive They're
not going to find me here?
Not if you hold still
this time.
From 10:00 A.M.
To 5:45 P.M.
Monday through Friday,
8:00 P.M. On weekends.
[door squeaks
and cash register dings]
- Uh-oh, Skipper.
Museum's open.
Duck and cover, men.
And, Roger, hold still.
Who wants to see
some dead things?
Gator.
Cool.
What, that?
It's totally fake-looking.
Check out his dumb rubber nose.
Ow!
Why would you do that?
[both scream]
Fear gripped the museum
of natural history today
As witnesses claim they were
attacked By the alligator exhibit.
We was just standing there, you
know, Not doing nothing wrong.
And then the alligator
comes alive
And tried to eat my cousin, Vic.
Curiously, museum officials say
There is no alligator exhibit.
Hmm, curious indeed, Chuck.
[dramatic musical flourish]
Okay, the pond
and the museum scenarios
Suffered from unplanned
variables.
Lessons learned.
But this one's a winner.
- All right, let me get--
I'm supposed to be what, now?
A gargoyle, Stone carved
into a mythological creature
That wards off evil spirits.
The thing is, guys, um, I'm
not really good with heights.
Well, gee, Roger, What
are you "real good" with?
Not camouflage.
Not holding still.
We're running out of options
here.
Just don't look down.
You'll be fine.
Don't look down.
Don't look down.
Don't look...
[wind whistling]
Dooooooooown!
Roger!
Splash!
Ooh, lucky for him there was
a swimming pool down there.
A rather public pool.
[people screaming]
This is gator watch,
New York's number one
in alligator attack updates.
Breaking now:
Manhattan's most wanted reptile
Has literally dropped
into midtown.
Animal control has placed the
gator threat level At severe.
Citizens are warned
To not approach
any prehistoric killing machines
They may encounter
between 82nd and canal street.
Stay with us
for team predator coverage
And gil force
with gator watch weather.
[helicopter rotors beating]
I'm a fugitive.
I'm a fugitive from justice.
Don't panic.
We just need to find
a safe house,
Lay low under Danny dogcatcher
loses our scent.
Ah, this should do it.
Kowalski,
can you crack the lock?
A simple pin tumbler?
Well, while you're lobbing
softballs,
Why not ask if I can design
a self-replicating nanobot?
Which I can, obviously.
Okay, slow and steady.
[helicopter rotors beating]
[screams] they're on to us!
Thud!
Thud!
Am I...
On Broadway?
I was born for this moment.
♪ when I was very young,
I felt ♪
♪ that I was sure to be more ♪
♪ than a handbag,
pair of shoes, or belt ♪
♪
♪
A nice belt, but still.
♪ and now
that it's years later ♪
♪ people say-- ♪
It's an alligator!
[people screaming]
[screams]
What?
Too pitchy?
Please, don't lock me up.
I didn't have to time
to rehearse.
They've got Roger.
Next stop, the gray bar hotel.
They're taking him to a hotel?
Well, that will be
a lovely home.
Perhaps he'll find a mint
on his pillow.
We're canceling
Roger's reservation.
Rico, grappling gun.
[brassy detective music]
♪
♪
Follow my lead, boys.
All right,
we're back in this thing.
All we need to do--
- Gah!
Men, commandeer this vehicle.
Penguins?
Kowalski, wheel man.
Rico, gas.
Private, music.
Smooth jazz
or hot adult contemporary?
Let's classic rock this chase.
And away we go.
♪
♪
[yells]
♪
♪
No! Look out!
Ahh!
Not to worry, citizen.
We'll return your vehicle
in factory condition.
- Oopsie.
- Well, near factory condition.
[tires squealing]
Left.
Right.
Left.
Lot of left.
Whole lot of left.
[horns honking]
Crash!
♪
♪
Rico, more gas.
[burps]
You know what I mean, soldier.
Heh heh!
Skipper, can I do a pedal?
Sorry, private.
We won't be needing brakes
today.
♪
♪
Well, this is our stop.
[truck honks]
Fast and furious, boys.
Rico, blowtorch.
Guys!
You came to rescue me!
Roger that, Roger.
We're giving you a real home,
Not some dark, stinking hole
of woe and despair.
[tires screeching] Um, Skipper?
I think we've arrived
At the dark, stinking hole
of woe and despair, and...
And it's our hole.
We got the gator in the back.
Bring him in.
We've got a nice, cozy habitat
all set up for him.
Oh, well,
that simplifies things.
And so gator watch
comes to an end
As the happy reptile finds a new
home At the central park zoo.
All's well that ends well,
eh, Bonnie?
Right you are, Chuck.
Coming up,
a Manhattan motorist swears
His car was commandeered by--
and I'm not making this up--Penguins.
[water gurgling]
[toilet flushes]
[gulping]
Um, Skipper?
Salt, please.
[toilet flushes]
Here you go, pri...vate.
Thank you, Skipper.
Uh, so, Kowalski, Have you
discovered any science...Things?
Kowalski?
Hmm?
Science?
Any new discoveries?
Oh, um...
Well, yes.
I've been experimenting with
transdimensional-- [toilet flushes]
Transdim-- [toilet flushes]
Tran--
[toilet flushes]
Oh, come on!
Enough already!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
But you can't rush
smoked salmon puffs.
They burn if you so much
as look at them the wrong way.
The food isn't the problem,
Roger.
[toilet flushes]
That is the problem.
We're eating
in a stinking sewer.
I know.
I know.
[sighs]
Flushing does not a great
dinner party make, right?
So I'll put on some show tunes.
Yeah, yeah, something bold and
brassy, A real 11 o'clock number.
Reptile, the sounds of the sewer
Are the least of our problem.
[sniffs] oh!
I'm sorry, guys.
I've lived down here so long,
I barely notice the smell.
Really?
How do you get used to--
- You can't!
You can't get used to that!
What, are you insane?
I hate my home.
So why not leave?
Many of your kind live
quite comfortably
In the South Florida area
known as gator alley.
Oh!
I just got that.
Alli-gator?
Gator?
Yeah, we get it, Kowalski.
Operation see ya later, gator,
is a go.
We'll need a large crate,
10 million deutschmarks,
And a c-17 cargo jet
on the runway in 15 minutes.
I might need 30 minutes
on the jet.
Blast it, man!
That could jeopardize
the whole mission.
Whoa!
Guys, I'm not moving.
Times Square, the met,
Broadway.
I mean, come on.
Broadway.
You can't ask me to give up
on my dream
Of singing
at the great white way.
No, I would rather live In the
worst sewer in the big apple
Than in the best swamp
in all of Florida.
I hear you, brother.
It's not the heat;
it's the humidity.
Uh, okay.
So I'll just stay put...
Down here... In this sewer...
On the banks
of this raging river of filth.
Oh, dear.
You can always move
to the zoo, Roger.
I could?
Negatory.
Our zoo overlords may be
somewhat slow on the uptake...
But even they would notice
the sudden appearance
Of an 800-pound alligator.
Despairot, Roger.
Compared to our usual
high-stakes tango,
Your little problem
is but a petty pirouette.
Oh, okay.
Which means what?
I don't know.
We'll find you a new home
right here
In the city that never sleeps.
Fresh air, sunshine, and a pond
To replicate your native
marshy environments.
Sold!
Done!
And we pirouette.
What do you think, Roger?
- It's--it's nice.
It's nice.
I got one question.
Why the log?
It's not very--
uh, what's the word?
Uh, comfortable.
Well, with the park's
predominantly human population,
You'll need camouflage.
Just hold still
when people are around.
Otherwise, they're likely
to-- - [woman screams]
Alligator!
Get the police!
Help!
- No, no, I'm not gonna--
- Help!
And finally,
from the wackadoo file,
Esther a. Paxton of paramus
claims
To have seen an actual alligator
in central park.
But when animal control
investigated,
All they found was this log.
[laughs]
Sounds like they were barking
up the wrong tree, Chuck.
Ha! You're out on a limb
there, Bonnie.
Ha!
Okay, I grant you,
there are issues
With our previous home proposal.
But this one's brilliant.
Are you really positive They're
not going to find me here?
Not if you hold still
this time.
From 10:00 A.M.
To 5:45 P.M.
Monday through Friday,
8:00 P.M. On weekends.
[door squeaks
and cash register dings]
- Uh-oh, Skipper.
Museum's open.
Duck and cover, men.
And, Roger, hold still.
Who wants to see
some dead things?
Gator.
Cool.
What, that?
It's totally fake-looking.
Check out his dumb rubber nose.
Ow!
Why would you do that?
[both scream]
Fear gripped the museum
of natural history today
As witnesses claim they were
attacked By the alligator exhibit.
We was just standing there, you
know, Not doing nothing wrong.
And then the alligator
comes alive
And tried to eat my cousin, Vic.
Curiously, museum officials say
There is no alligator exhibit.
Hmm, curious indeed, Chuck.
[dramatic musical flourish]
Okay, the pond
and the museum scenarios
Suffered from unplanned
variables.
Lessons learned.
But this one's a winner.
- All right, let me get--
I'm supposed to be what, now?
A gargoyle, Stone carved
into a mythological creature
That wards off evil spirits.
The thing is, guys, um, I'm
not really good with heights.
Well, gee, Roger, What
are you "real good" with?
Not camouflage.
Not holding still.
We're running out of options
here.
Just don't look down.
You'll be fine.
Don't look down.
Don't look down.
Don't look...
[wind whistling]
Dooooooooown!
Roger!
Splash!
Ooh, lucky for him there was
a swimming pool down there.
A rather public pool.
[people screaming]
This is gator watch,
New York's number one
in alligator attack updates.
Breaking now:
Manhattan's most wanted reptile
Has literally dropped
into midtown.
Animal control has placed the
gator threat level At severe.
Citizens are warned
To not approach
any prehistoric killing machines
They may encounter
between 82nd and canal street.
Stay with us
for team predator coverage
And gil force
with gator watch weather.
[helicopter rotors beating]
I'm a fugitive.
I'm a fugitive from justice.
Don't panic.
We just need to find
a safe house,
Lay low under Danny dogcatcher
loses our scent.
Ah, this should do it.
Kowalski,
can you crack the lock?
A simple pin tumbler?
Well, while you're lobbing
softballs,
Why not ask if I can design
a self-replicating nanobot?
Which I can, obviously.
Okay, slow and steady.
[helicopter rotors beating]
[screams] they're on to us!
Thud!
Thud!
Am I...
On Broadway?
I was born for this moment.
♪ when I was very young,
I felt ♪
♪ that I was sure to be more ♪
♪ than a handbag,
pair of shoes, or belt ♪
♪
♪
A nice belt, but still.
♪ and now
that it's years later ♪
♪ people say-- ♪
It's an alligator!
[people screaming]
[screams]
What?
Too pitchy?
Please, don't lock me up.
I didn't have to time
to rehearse.
They've got Roger.
Next stop, the gray bar hotel.
They're taking him to a hotel?
Well, that will be
a lovely home.
Perhaps he'll find a mint
on his pillow.
We're canceling
Roger's reservation.
Rico, grappling gun.
[brassy detective music]
♪
♪
Follow my lead, boys.
All right,
we're back in this thing.
All we need to do--
- Gah!
Men, commandeer this vehicle.
Penguins?
Kowalski, wheel man.
Rico, gas.
Private, music.
Smooth jazz
or hot adult contemporary?
Let's classic rock this chase.
And away we go.
♪
♪
[yells]
♪
♪
No! Look out!
Ahh!
Not to worry, citizen.
We'll return your vehicle
in factory condition.
- Oopsie.
- Well, near factory condition.
[tires squealing]
Left.
Right.
Left.
Lot of left.
Whole lot of left.
[horns honking]
Crash!
♪
♪
Rico, more gas.
[burps]
You know what I mean, soldier.
Heh heh!
Skipper, can I do a pedal?
Sorry, private.
We won't be needing brakes
today.
♪
♪
Well, this is our stop.
[truck honks]
Fast and furious, boys.
Rico, blowtorch.
Guys!
You came to rescue me!
Roger that, Roger.
We're giving you a real home,
Not some dark, stinking hole
of woe and despair.
[tires screeching] Um, Skipper?
I think we've arrived
At the dark, stinking hole
of woe and despair, and...
And it's our hole.
We got the gator in the back.
Bring him in.
We've got a nice, cozy habitat
all set up for him.
Oh, well,
that simplifies things.
And so gator watch
comes to an end
As the happy reptile finds a new
home At the central park zoo.
All's well that ends well,
eh, Bonnie?
Right you are, Chuck.
Coming up,
a Manhattan motorist swears
His car was commandeered by--
and I'm not making this up--Penguins.