The Outlaws (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Episode #2.5 - full transcript
INDISTINCT CHATTER
OK, you can go.
This is the last of it.
Stop!
We'll give you the money back!
Please, we'll pay it back and more!
More! Give us, uh, eight weeks.
That's it.
No. Count it all again.
He's counted it three
times already. That...is...it.
We did it? We're done.
Woo!
# This train is a clean train,
you know this train
# This train is a clean train
# I said, this train... #
Oh, yes!
# This train is a clean train
# Everybody riding in Jesus' name
# Because this train is
a cle-e-an train... #
SONG FADES
THEME MUSIC BEGINS
SIREN IN DISTANCE
Ma'am.
Diane. How did you
get into the police car park?
Oh, I went up to the front desk,
said I had information
on the Somerset Stalker, desk
sergeant went to get his notepad -
bingo. Right.
And can I help you with something?
Yeah.
Cluck-cluck-cluck.
Excuse me? I found this little
bad boy on a routine search
of the community centre, carried out
while I was on a date during which
the guy said he was in love with me.
After one date.
You take evidence bags on dates?
What, you don't?
What do you imagine to be
the significance of a plastic egg?
Oh. Well, ma'am, these can be used
to transport or conceal
illegal drugs
cos they can be inserted
into various human orifices.
Oh. You open the egg thusly,
pop the drugs in, close the lid,
then gently insert it
into your anal or vaginal cavity.
Like that, or there.
Dealer's choice. Well, uh...
Do you want to...?
It's evidence. Thank you, Diane,
I will see to this. Pleasure.
Have a good day.
Jesus Christ.
Can I talk to you about something?
Since they granted us
the community centre,
there are all these due diligence
forms to fill in,
and this one's about
money laundering.
Money laundering? Yes.
Not-for-profits are a big target
for money launderers, obviously,
and we have to be
whiter-than-white.
That's not the phrase I'd use.
So, I was checking
our bank account and...
What am I looking at, exactly?
Here. Thousands of pounds going out
to something called
Laycock Logistical Services.
Do you know what that is?
Hmm.
During my date with Gregory Dillard,
I immediately noticed
he shuffled into the pub with
hunched shoulders and lowered head,
as if he doesn't want to be seen
by the world,
like a paedo in a playground.
I get that.
What do you mean, you get that?!
During our conversation,
the subject told me he was so lonely
he sometimes orders things
from Amazon just so he can
see humans over the weekend.
Actually, here I've got written,
"My vagina feels
as dry as a camel's arse."
This is good. Thank you so much,
Diane. I mean, everything you are
saying completely chimes
with my own findings. Which are?
Since his divorce, Greg has become
so scared of rejection
that to protect himself from it,
he has made himself hideous.
Mm. Yeah, I concur.
I object. Overruled. Mm.
Also I think all this repression is
actually making Greg very dangerous.
During our date on Friday,
he kissed me
without me giving him
any sexual signals.
You asked me to
have intercourse with you!
Yeah. As a test.
Mm.
What kind of test would that be?!
He came at me
with such terrifying lust,
I was forced to pepper spray him.
Seriously?
Why do you think I came home
in tears?
I thought you were like
that after every date.
Look who's here.
Hello, son.
You look well.
So do you.
One month. She's clean.
As a whistle.
Good for you, Mum.
Weird how it happened.
I was buying gear from this kid
and he handed me a leaflet
for one of them drug support groups.
Got to start listening when even
your dealer's worried about you, eh?
So, I want to move
back in with Mum. No.
Why not? She's better now.
Look, I'm proper glad
you're better and that,
but we both know one month's
just not a long time.
One day at a time, son.
I couldn't agree with you more.
Esme, go and get ready
for school, please. I got ages.
Es. Please go and get ready
for school.
Do you know she's got
a boyfriend now? Yeah, of course.
Missy's all grown-up.
Still my little girl, though.
It's good to see you.
Congratulations on the coin.
I hope it all works out.
Goodbye, Mum.
He's not my legal guardian
any more. So, I can move in with you
if I want to. I can do what I want.
Your brother only wants
the best for you.
You feel like a big man now?
What in God's name
are you doing, Frank?
Ironing.
Well, how'd you learn to do that?
Tom showed me a video
on the internet.
I'm going to mow the lawn next.
Who are you and what have you done
with my father?
DOORBELL RINGS
I'll get it.
It's sort of like making a pizza.
Is it?
How's your mom doing?
Oh, she's much better.
They think that she had an adverse
reaction to some medication.
She's back in the home now.
That's good.
We should visit again.
I'd appreciate that, thank you.
Grandpa, there's someone
at the door for you.
Hey.
What's tickin', chicken?
Don't call me chicken.
There's this woman, Claire, she's
my second-in-command at the BJC.
Now that we've got our little
situation under control,
she's started snooping around
in our finances. Why?
She'll do anything to bring me down.
That is,
unless I can bring her down first.
Is that something
you could help with?
Are you sure you want to start
throwing innocent folks
under the bus?
Claire isn't innocent.
She's trying to take control
of my group.
If I have to choose between Claire
and the BJC, I choose the BJC.
You sound like Stalin
before the purges.
Do you want to join me in jail
if she carries on digging?
You and your second-in-command,
you both have BJC credit cards
for expenses and whatnot?
Yeah.
Good. We'll run the old
Windy City Railroad on her.
I need you to...
..send her on a coffee run.
OK. So, let's imagine this is
a really hip cocktail bar and,
Greg, let me see you walk in.
You're right, he does walk like he's
on the Sex Offenders Register. Yep.
What? You know it's my sight
that's bad, not my hearing?
Let's try again. OK, turn around.
Right, chin up.
Shoulders back. Walk.
You're too stiff, swing your arms.
You look like a chimp.
Put your thumbs in your belt.
OK. Now, lead with your crotch.
Yeah. Too much. Dial it back,
dial it back.
Add a bit of swagger,
yeah, yeah, that's it.
Easy there, cowboy.
I mean, it's...
..it's...it's good enough?
OK, imagine Diane, she's back in the
pub, she's doing a crossword.
Your date never happened, and then
you walk over and chat her up.
Yep. Come on. Lean, Greg, lean,
let me see some lean.
That's it, yes.
Yes, that's it, Greg.
And ask her out.
How? Say something
off the cuff and flirty. Oh.
Apparently, eight across is
"What's your number?"
Oh, really? That's interesting.
Yeah.
Cos six down is "Fuck off, weirdo."
Would that happen?
PHONE BUZZES
It just happened, Greg.
Roll with it. Hello?
Hello, is that Lady Gabby?
This is Claire from
the Bristol Justice Collective.
Oh, hi. How can I help?
Have you heard of something called
Laycock Logistical Services?
Er, no. Should I have?
Forgive me being so direct but
can I ask why you chose to donate
£100,000 to the BJC?
I did what now?!
Don't think we're ungrateful. Thanks
to you, we didn't have to rely on
a council grant,
and we love our new office. I...
I didn't donate £100,00.
I realise you've asked to remain
anonymous but I know it was you.
Sorry, I-I...I have absolutely
no idea what you're talking about.
My lawyer, Greg, handles
the money matters.
Why are you asking all of this?
Because I think we could be
the victims of money laundering.
You still there?
Let me look into it.
That wasn't flirting,
you just shot me in the face!
So...how does it feel,
letting John fly the coop? Well,
it may not seem this way now but...
..what I did will eventually
be viewed as a great kindness.
What do you mean?
He means, uh...
He means letting me leave
without a fight, don't you, Dad?
Right.
I always thought
you'd pressed him into
a kind of indentured servitude,
so I was surprised when you let him
have his freedom.
Girls, did I hear something
about a trifle?
Yes. Come and help me
put the sprinkles on the trifle.
This is Daddy's favourite, isn't it?
So, um, you didn't tell her
how it went down, did you?
Look, if you want to dress things
up for the sake of your marriage,
I understand.
What are you doing here, Dad?
I'm at lunch,
what does it look like?
Yeah. Just thought
you'd pop in for lunch?
Yeah, like I always do.
See you and Ruth and the grandkids.
You fired me.
Like I said, it was nothing
personal, only business.
Ah, business. You are ruining me,
do you know that?
You have to be able
to compartmentalise things, boy.
Work and family
are two different things.
We're family, always will be.
Here we are.
Oh, my goodness. That is delicious.
Son? Is that not delicious, son?
It's whatever you say it is, Dad.
I'll get some bowls. Yeah.
Can I get six flat whites
with oat milk,
two mint teas and a masala chai
for me? No worries, coming up.
You're one thirsty lady. I drew
the short straw for the coffee run.
CANE CLATTERS
Oh!
Uh... Oof...
Are you OK?
I'll be OK, I'm fine.
Thank you.
Low blood sugar. Thank you.
I said to the bloke,
"What is your problem?
"Nadger did a shit
out of the window."
Anyway, long story short, my Uber
rating is down to a 4.3, so...
Oh, hold on, chap, posh trim alert.
Your Ladyship!
How lovely to see you. I'm afraid
Greg's not here at the moment.
I know. It's you I wanted to see.
Fuck off, chap.
How can I help, Your Ladyship?
I'd like to see my client account.
Nay problemo.
Um, I know you say you're a lesbian,
and I am totally on board with that,
but would you ever consider trying
it with a bloke?
Oh, here we go.
Can you see if I've made
any large donations
to something called the BJC?
Uh...yes, a very sizeable amount
several months ago.
And Laycock Logistical Services?
Again, a number of large amounts.
In fact, you have one such payment
going out today.
Freeze all payments this instant.
What? Just do it.
Who authorised these payments?
Er, Greg. Why?
What's going on?
I need a drink.
Want to go and grab a drink?
Does a rocking horse
have a wooden cock?
Yeah, I would absolutely... Sorry!
Apres-vous.
How much is that ting, though?
Expensive. Expensive.
Oh, shit, you lot, stay there.
Yo. One sec, one sec, one sec.
See you later.
There you go. Thanks.
Right, get some rest.
I'll take over.
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Margie, you ever start thinking
about a big old lobster dinner?
Mm, no, I've never had lobster.
You never had lobster? Why?
Well, I'm a single mum,
not Camilla Parker Bowles.
Well, tonight
I'm taking you to dinner.
A little fish restaurant
I've had my eye on.
It's Wednesday, we can't go to a
restaurant, I've got a wash on.
Table for four, seven o'clock,
it's already booked.
Young Tom, throw on a necktie.
It's a high-class joint.
Dad, is this some sort of
Last Supper thing?
Have you got test results
you need to tell me?
I'm fit as a fiddle.
I just want to treat my family
to the finer things.
Make up for lost time.
I totally want to try lobster.
Yeah.
I totally want to eat a lobster.
Of course you do. Come on.
Margie, put your best dress on.
Let your old man treat ya.
Lobster. Lemon. Mwah!
Here we go!
So, Yamani wants
to leave her husband. Really? Yeah.
Last weekend, Book Group, she told
us that she would leave Raj
for Benedict Cumberbatch
at the drop of a hat. Her words.
That doesn't mean she's going to
leave her husband. That's like me
saying I'd leave Ben
for Michael B Jordan,
or Dad saying he'd leave
you for... Dame Helen Mirren.
Celebrity crushes
don't mean anything.
I also fancy Dame Helen Mirren.
Oh, no, Ben's leaving me
for a national treasure!
THEY LAUGH
You're all idiots.
Have you done a business plan?
What?
For your food stall in Weston.
Rani's sorting that.
Yeah, it's all in my head,
I just need to get it down on paper.
Well, I could help you with that.
Your mother and I have been talking.
We have some money put aside
for when Rani went to university
but, uh, as it's not happening...
We would like to help both of you
with the food stall.
Really? Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Thank you! Thank you so much!
Thank you. Thank you.
Pleasure. Pleasure, pleasure.
PHONE BUZZES
Hello?
Time's up. Where's my money.
We transferred the last
of the money to you.
No, no, you're 10,000 short.
What?
Deadline's today
and I told you if you missed it,
I start hurting people you love.
You want cream or custard
on your rhubarb crumble?
I'll have custard, Mum.
You having dinner
with your mum and dad?
Yeah. Mm-hm. That's lovely.
My mum and dad have passed on.
It's really important to treasure
time with your mum and dad
cos they'll be gone one day.
Like tomorrow,
if I don't get the rest
of my fucking money.
Your dad and Ben are having
both cream and custard.
Mum. I'm on the phone.
It's a simple yes or no.
Yes. I'll have both. Oh, fine.
I don't understand what's happened.
Maybe there was some sort of problem
with the shell company.
Not my concern.
A deadline's a deadline.
I'm going to need more time
to figure out what happened.
I warned you. No extensions,
no negotiations.
You have till tomorrow morning
or you and I will both be orphans.
# Happy Birthday to you
# Happy Birthday to you... #
Your crumble's getting cold.
What's wrong?
How is this happening?
How is this happ...?
Why didn't you transfer the money?
I did but Gabby stopped it and froze
her account. Unfreeze it.
Only she can do that.
Then find her, you lanky bastard!
I dunno where she is
and she's not answering her phone!
We were done. We were done!
Right. We're just going to have to
ask for a bit more time.
This isn't asking a teacher
for an extension for an essay!
He said he'd kill my parents!
OK. Right.
How do we make £10,000 by tomorrow?
We could...hold up a bank?
We're not holding up a bank.
We could hold up...a petrol station.
We're not holding up anything.
We could kidnap somebody rich.
Gabby's dad's loaded.
We could kidnap Gabby
and then threaten
to cut off her fingers every hour.
OK, let's calm down, all right?
We're not in the Yakuza.
And we'd run out of fingers
before her father paid a penny. Oh!
Tony Robinson from Blackadder
lives locally. Is he rich?
He's a white male actor.
We're not kidnapping Baldrick!
We're not kidnapping anyone!
Do you have a better idea?!
Pressure selling.
What's pressure selling?
Huh? Pressure selling?
Yeah, what about it?
You just brought it up.
No, I didn't. Yes, you did.
You just mentioned pressure selling
as a way to make fast sales? Yes.
We need to approach our client list
with a time limit.
That's what we need to do. Bulk
offers, OK? And persistence closing.
That's what we need to do.
We don't let them go anywhere
until they have bought fast
and they have bought in bulk.
I mean, it's a form of bullying...
You'd know something about bullying,
calling me a lanky bastard. Look in
the mirror once in a while.
Who's a lanky bastard?
You just said I was a lanky bastard.
What did you say?
I will never be able to go back
to tuna in a can.
You want another lobster,
I can tell.
Do people have two in a row?
One time in Maine, I ate five.
For a bet, which I lost.
How many did the other guy have?
I'm not sure,
I was wheeled out
with butter poisoning.
SHE LAUGHS
I might get a coffee.
Oh! Masala chai.
You have to try a cup.
Nothing washes down
shellfish better.
OK, can we get two masala chais,
please?
What's up? It's Lady G,
live from Bar Revelation,
which is appropriate as I'm thinking
about telling you...a secret.
PHONE RINGS
Yes, yes, but we are about to close
up shop soon and I would hate
for you to get to the weekend,
not get your hands on a nice,
strong macchiato.
What if you find yourself
real thirsty after we close?
Yeah, fine, then - hang up.
Still there, are we?
Cos you know a great offer
when you hear one,
but this offer must end midnight.
Look, if I were you,
I would stock up for the holidays.
Christmas. Easter. Half term.
Take your pick.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. What?
..you might think that he was,
you know, a nice sweet nerd.
But he isn't. No.
And this is a story of discovery
but also of betrayal,
and I'm not sure if I should tell it
because if I do then, well, he
won't have a flatmate any more,
he will have a cellmate.
Oh. Yeah. Shots fired.
Is that live? Very.
Does she know about
the money laundering? Dunno.
I bet Claire's told her something.
She is trying to take the BJC
away from me.
She's not even from Bristol.
She's bloody Scottish!
Bloody foreigners. Coming over here,
stealing our black civil rights
groups, eh? Focus!
You better find Gabby
and stop her talking.
Go!
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Business is booming
all of a sudden.
Oh, is any of that going spare?
I'm back, unleashed. You know what?
You shouldn't trust anyone.
Don't... Don't...
Don't trust your...your family,
don't trust your friends,
don't trust lawyers
called Greg Dillard.
Yeah, and do you know what?
He's a fucking creep, actually.
I went on his internet search
history once, just for fun, and he
searched "Viagra, how much is too
much?" People need to know that
they can't break my heart any more,
don't they? I mean, really?
Let me know in the comments if you
think I should tell my story.
Did she say Greg Dillard?
Mm-hm. What is that?
Remember Lady Gabby?
Her live feed just popped up.
She's on a massive bender,
blabbering on about a criminal
conspiracy. What a hot mess.
Bring her in. Huh? Remember that kid
who was in for armed robbery,
we thought he had drug ties? Yeah.
Well, the lawyer who magically
showed up to take his case...
Was Greg Dillard.
The same lawyer we saw in court
defending Christian Taylor.
The same lawyer who's doing CS
at Bennysfield. Go.
OK, I'm putting you down for three
flat whites and an expresso martini.
I will offer you this at
a reduced price if you buy in bulk.
Well, then throw a party.
You'll be Mr Popular.
All right, cool.
What are you going to say
to Grandad?
Thank you for my lobster.
Thank you for my lobster.
Yeah, thank you, Dad, for a lovely
evening. Oh, sure. And this is?
Masala chai. Cardamom. Cinnamon.
Cloves. Delicious.
Mm!
Smell that.
I'd like to pay with this, please.
Of course.
INAUDIBLE THEN INDISTINCT CHATTER
Where are you going? Inside?
My friends are all expecting me.
Nah, you're not coming in here. Why
not? Cos the people we want in here
look like they're going to provide
glamour, not IT support.
Step aside, mate. All right?
Gabby! Mate,
step away from the glass
before I put your head through
it. Seriously. Just let me in. No.
Now, move. Come on.
All right, I'm going.
THEY LAUGH
I could laugh at you if I want.
INAUDIBLE
Gabby! Ga...
Cool. I'll send someone to you now.
Ah, but this is a one-time deal.
Yeah. Only for our most
valued customers.
You absolutely are, madam, yes,
both you and your grandson.
All right,
so shall we say your usual?
Oh, yeah. We've got our own
dedicated delivery team.
Karmacoma, Jamaica and Roma.
Hiya. What?
Can I come in, please?
Password?
Is it my mother's maiden name?
Jesus! Woo!
Don't mind me,
I'm just...passing through.
Greg? Yeah?
It's Rosie.
I was giving you a blowie when you
reversed into that police car.
Oh, right, yeah. How's it going?
Yeah, yeah, mustn't grumble.
Keeping busy.
What happened that night with you,
after?
Cos I just got off with a warning.
Did you? Yeah. Yeah, I got, um,
120 hours of community service.
Oh, no. Yeah.
How did it go?
Not great, if I'm honest.
I ended up getting blackmailed
and now I'm in hock to
a ruthless London drug dealer.
I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah.
Oi! I'm sorry to break up
this little reunion
but I'm paying by the hour here,
mate. Oh!
Shut up, you little bitch!
Yes, mistress. Eh, listen.
I'm done here in 20 minutes
if you want anything doing.
We could finish that blowie
that you never got.
That's very good of you, but no,
I can't, actually,
cos I've got to quickly try and find
one of my other clients before she,
um, sends me to jail.
Oh. You have been a bad boy.
Anyway, lovely to see you.
It's been good to see you.
Thank you so much.
Sorry for interrupting you.
OK.
Woo! You've been a bad boy!
Oh, yes, you have!
Ooh!
Evening.
I don't suppose you've got
a member of the landed gentry
in here, have you?
There's so many whips.
Gabby!
Gabby?
Gabby?
Gabby.
Judas!
Can we speak in private, please?
Anything you have to say,
you can say in front of
my real friends here.
There's a policeman here.
Good. I have things to say to him.
Just let me explain first.
It's too late for explaining.
Just hear me out. And if you still
want to turn me in,
I won't stop you.
Please.
Police.
Has anyone seen
Lady Gabriella Penrose-Howe?
Right, then, you cheeky little
monkeys. Guess who's brought
the goods. We have got Chang
and a lovely bit of MD...Mmm...
..mazing that you are here,
Detective,
because these are drugs.
Yuck.
Did you find my watch, by the way?
We should get a move on, I think.
I want an explanation, right now.
Shall we do that at home over
a cup of tea and a Mr Kipling? No,
explain. What have you been doing?
It's... It's so complicated, Gabby.
Well, then un-complicate it, Greg.
I've been using your client account
to launder the proceeds of
an illegal drug operation.
Right. That's it, is it? Yeah.
Cool. Great.
Great. Shall we go?
No, not great, Greg! Not cool!
You've been using me to launder...?!
So when you...when you said that
everyone else in my life was a mooch
and a hanger-on and I thought that
that meant you really cared about
me, that was bollocks?
No, I do care about you. Of course.
How can you say that?!
Literally no-one in my life
has used me more than you!
I know. I'm sorry.
You're my consigliere.
I know you hired me
to protect you and look after you
and, uh, I betrayed you.
But you have to know, I would never
deliberately hurt you.
You know, money laundering
and exploiting you,
that's not something
I would choose to do.
It's not just that you're my lawyer,
Greg.
I thought you were my friend.
I am your friend.
I know. I'm so sorry, Gabby.
I don't even know how
I ended up doing this.
All I know is that there's guns,
and threats,
and everyone's lives are in danger
if I don't do this.
Whose lives? Who else is involved?
Rani, Ben, Myrna, John, Frank.
I'm the only one
who doesn't know about this?
Yeah.
Yup, all here.
Go on, kids, be on your way.
Police are watching the building.
What we going to do?
Fuck. We're all fucked.
Our humble thanks
for attending Fight Back Bristol.
We'll be back next week,
so be sure
to tell all of your friends.
And remember -
we will NEVER give up on you
so, please, don't give up
on yourselves.
And if anyone should offer you
drugs, what do we do?
ALL: Just say no.
Fight Back Bristol? What is that?
Grassroots initiative.
People like us with criminal records
just trying to ensure that the kids
don't make the same mistakes
that we did. I mean,
can't wait for the system
to step in, can you?
So you're all activists now?
Just caring members of the
community.
You're feeling a deep ideological
connection to the movement, are you?
What's your home address?
He lives in Clifton Towns.
He can't speak for himself?
Well, yeah, of course he can.
But if what you're implying
is that there's no place
for a white, middle-class man in
this,
then you'd be wrong. In some ways...
Spare me the lecture. Please.
Are we OK? Everyone OK?
John, are you OK?
That was close! Ha!
Yeah, way too close.
Definitely way too close.
Oh, come on, you've got to admit -
it's a bit of a thrill.
We weren't ziplining, Rani.
Oh, my God. You're so boring!
I don't want to run around
with drugs and guns and money.
That's different to being boring.
Be careful, Rani.
You know who told me this before?
Who? Christian Taylor.
And that's why he's in jail
and I'm not.
DOOR OPENS
Hi, lovelies.
How's the drug dealing going?
You told her?
My mum killed herself
when I was six years old.
My dad was never home
so I was just passed
from caretaker to caretaker.
Never really had a real family.
But all of us over the past
few months, working together,
laughing together...
..it's kind of felt like
we were a family.
I'm sorry, Gabby.
We should never have involved you.
I can only imagine how upsetting
it must be to wake up
and find yourself embroiled
in a criminal conspiracy.
I'm not upset
because you've involved me
in a criminal conspiracy.
I'm upset because you haven't.
What?
I know everything about drugs.
I've been using them
since I was 12.
I know what's good,
I know what's bad,
I know the jargon, the prices.
I could help you.
So you're saying you WANT to be
a part of a criminal conspiracy?
Yes!
SCOFFS AND STUTTERS
Now, which one of you is the Mr Big?
What happened to you last night?
I-I talked my way out of it
but it was so awkward
that even the bloke in the gimp mask
couldn't look at me.
Luckily, I managed to get away
when an ambulance showed up.
Some pervert got his fist
stuck inside someone else.
Did he lose his watch as well?
I need to make a fresh transfer
to Laycock Logistical Services.
W—We froze the account.
Well, now we need to thaw it out
cos I've got a lot of logistics I
need servicing. So, chop chop. Um...
BIRDS CAW
WHISPERS: We did it.
Ain't you happy?
Yeah. Of course I am.
Tell your face then.
HE CHUCKLES
What's eating you?
Nothing. Well, I...
Ben said something but...
..it doesn't matter. It's fine.
What did he say?
He said I remind him of you.
When you was in the sack?
No. When we were arguing.
I said he was boring,
then he said that...
..I'm enjoying
this gang shit too much.
Are you?
No.
When me and Ben
were just young guys,
olders in our neighbourhood
all had cars,
nice jewellery and cash,
working for The Dean.
There was easy money to be made
running with them.
And on top of that,
the status and respect and...
..you know,
the hype gets addictive, right?
Your boy Ben was smart. He resisted.
Me? I started in country,
then started running my own team.
And the whole time, I'm thinking,
"This isn't who I am."
I'll just make some quick P's
then go back to where I was.
But one day, you wake up
and it IS who you are.
And it's too late to go back
to where you was.
And the next thing you know, you're
wearing the same grey tracksuit
with the same grey socks
and the same grey underwear -
because they're all washed
together -
spending 23 hours a day in
the same four-square-metre room.
Take it from me...
..that's boring.
Four black Americanos,
a masala chai
and a piece of that cake.
Right, two seconds.
Morning.
Right, there is a coffee there
for you
and a masala ch... Ooh!
Shit! I am so sorry. Oh!
Let's just get that off of there.
Doesn't matter that it's a bit
dry in there.
Sorry about that. I'm more
fingers than thumbs today.
OK...
Right, let me get you
some more tissues... Please.
Coffee...
Oh... Right, tissues, tissues.
What was you doing in
the house, all alone with a boy,
without telling me? It's my house,
too. Oh, it's your house?
Do you pay bills? Do you know what?
Furthermore, give me your phone.
Why? Give me your phone.
I want to know who the guy is.
Give me your phone.
He's none of your business.
It was past midnight
on a school night
and you were here chilling
with some boy. We were studying!
This is why I want to live with Mum.
Because she lets me do what I want.
It's because she's a smackhead!
Not any more!
She just trusts me.
Dickhead.
You have to let her
live her own life. Sometimes.
Not yet I don't. She's 16.
You can't protect her all the time.
Yeah, well, I can try.
Well, my parents tried.
They tried to wrap me up
in cotton wool my whole life.
Look how I turned out.
WHISPERS: I'm a drug dealer.
OK. You're not...boring.
You're right.
I was getting hooked on buzz.
So, anyway,
it...
It's over. I'm back.
I'm sorry.
You were starting to scare me there.
I thought I was sharing a bed
with the Godfather.
About Es.
If things go wrong with your mum,
she knows where to find you.
Myrna? Claire?
Um, have you got a minute?
I just found something a bit odd,
and I was wondering if you could
help me get to the bottom of it.
Something odd?
Yeah, I was just going through
the BJC bank account - you know,
doing the money laundering
due diligence and everything.
I just found this payment
on Claire's company card for £518.
What? Let me see.
Is that your card number?
Yes, but what's Le Grande Poisson?
I think it means "the big fish".
It's, um,
a fancy seafood place in Clifton.
But did you use your BJC card
to pay for a meal in there
or anything?
No, I've never even been there. No?
It's probably some kind of mistake.
Greg, could you call them,
please? On it.
HE TAPS BUTTONS RAPIDLY
LINE RINGS THROUGH SPEAKER
Le Grand Poisson, how may I help?
Uh, hi. Can I speak to your manager,
please? This is he.
Hi, my name's Myrna
and I just wanted to check
and see if a credit card was used
in your restaurant last night.
It ends in...
BOTH: 9335.
Hold on, please.
Someone probably stole your card.
No, it's here.
Yes. That card was used here
last night. Right, um,
can you tell me
what it was spent on?
Three dozen oysters,
four lobster mains,
a truffle mac and cheese,
two bottles of champagne...
Someone was peckish.
..and two masala chais.
Right, so, that's your drink,
isn't it? Yes, but... OK, thank you.
You're welcome.
LINE DISCONNECTS
Claire, if you were in my position,
what would you do right now?
This is... Someone has done this.
Done what?
I don't know. Made it look like...
Claire, it gives me
no pleasure to say this
but, while we investigate
this matter,
I feel I have to suspend you.
Suspend me?
We need to be whiter-than-white.
Erm...
OK.
CLAIRE CLEARS HER THROAT
Yeah, sure.
What?
Activism is a fight.
Sometimes, you have to fight dirty.
What was I supposed to do?
HUSHED CONVERSATION
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, you were right. You know,
about giving people second chances.
About forgiveness.
Seriously?
If you ever need anything,
just pick up the phone
and I'll come, yeah? I'll be there.
Come here.
Thanks, Ben.
KNOCK ON DOOR
We need to go for a little ride.
You got me anything
from the gift shop?
All I've got for you is a deal.
I'd prefer a muffin.
I know Rani Rekowski and her friends
are running your crew.
And I know you're all in bed
with The Dean.
Do you know the numbers
for this week's EuroMillions?
Co-operate.
Help me collar The Dean,
and I'll get you out of here.
How does that sound?
Like a great episode
of Line Of Duty.
HE LAUGHS
Do you think it hasn't been noticed
by people in here
how many times I've visited you?
Do you know how easy it would be
for me to spread the word around
that you're my favourite informant?
WHISPERS: How long do you think
you'd last after that?
Think about my offer.
Evening, all.
I have good news
and I have even better news.
The good news is, I have received
payment, in full, on time,
as you promised. I'll be honest,
I didn't think you'd make it.
And my boys are livid. They dug
ditches out the back for nothing.
Now, on to the even better news.
What's that? This, my dear,
is ten kilos of pure uncut cocaine
that you are going to shift for me.
No. We're done.
No, you're The Beatles
of drug selling
and I can't break up the band.
Don't make me the Yoko.
And think of this
as your White Album.
This isn't fair!
We did what you asked!
Fair?
You're lucky your parents
aren't on TV, in tears,
asking for information
of your fucking whereabouts.
We're not doing it. This is over.
This is over when I say it's over.
And I'm sorry,
but it ain't fucking over.
He's never going to stop.
Why would he?
He's on to a good thing.
I cannot deal drugs
for the rest of my days.
Obviously! None of us can.
Right, what are we going to do?
We'll kill him.
Sorry, what?
Well, any other ideas
before we settle on murder?
Anyone heard of the Brass Bunkum?
MUSIC: Short Change Hero
by The Heavy
# I can't see
where you comin' from
# But I know
just what you runnin' from
# And what matters ain't the
"who's baddest" but the
# Ones who stop you fallin'
from your ladder, when you're
# This ain't no place for no hero
# This ain't no place for no
better man
# This ain't no place for no hero
# To call home
# This ain't no place for no hero
# This ain't no place for no
better man
# This ain't no place for no hero
# To call home... #
OK, you can go.
This is the last of it.
Stop!
We'll give you the money back!
Please, we'll pay it back and more!
More! Give us, uh, eight weeks.
That's it.
No. Count it all again.
He's counted it three
times already. That...is...it.
We did it? We're done.
Woo!
# This train is a clean train,
you know this train
# This train is a clean train
# I said, this train... #
Oh, yes!
# This train is a clean train
# Everybody riding in Jesus' name
# Because this train is
a cle-e-an train... #
SONG FADES
THEME MUSIC BEGINS
SIREN IN DISTANCE
Ma'am.
Diane. How did you
get into the police car park?
Oh, I went up to the front desk,
said I had information
on the Somerset Stalker, desk
sergeant went to get his notepad -
bingo. Right.
And can I help you with something?
Yeah.
Cluck-cluck-cluck.
Excuse me? I found this little
bad boy on a routine search
of the community centre, carried out
while I was on a date during which
the guy said he was in love with me.
After one date.
You take evidence bags on dates?
What, you don't?
What do you imagine to be
the significance of a plastic egg?
Oh. Well, ma'am, these can be used
to transport or conceal
illegal drugs
cos they can be inserted
into various human orifices.
Oh. You open the egg thusly,
pop the drugs in, close the lid,
then gently insert it
into your anal or vaginal cavity.
Like that, or there.
Dealer's choice. Well, uh...
Do you want to...?
It's evidence. Thank you, Diane,
I will see to this. Pleasure.
Have a good day.
Jesus Christ.
Can I talk to you about something?
Since they granted us
the community centre,
there are all these due diligence
forms to fill in,
and this one's about
money laundering.
Money laundering? Yes.
Not-for-profits are a big target
for money launderers, obviously,
and we have to be
whiter-than-white.
That's not the phrase I'd use.
So, I was checking
our bank account and...
What am I looking at, exactly?
Here. Thousands of pounds going out
to something called
Laycock Logistical Services.
Do you know what that is?
Hmm.
During my date with Gregory Dillard,
I immediately noticed
he shuffled into the pub with
hunched shoulders and lowered head,
as if he doesn't want to be seen
by the world,
like a paedo in a playground.
I get that.
What do you mean, you get that?!
During our conversation,
the subject told me he was so lonely
he sometimes orders things
from Amazon just so he can
see humans over the weekend.
Actually, here I've got written,
"My vagina feels
as dry as a camel's arse."
This is good. Thank you so much,
Diane. I mean, everything you are
saying completely chimes
with my own findings. Which are?
Since his divorce, Greg has become
so scared of rejection
that to protect himself from it,
he has made himself hideous.
Mm. Yeah, I concur.
I object. Overruled. Mm.
Also I think all this repression is
actually making Greg very dangerous.
During our date on Friday,
he kissed me
without me giving him
any sexual signals.
You asked me to
have intercourse with you!
Yeah. As a test.
Mm.
What kind of test would that be?!
He came at me
with such terrifying lust,
I was forced to pepper spray him.
Seriously?
Why do you think I came home
in tears?
I thought you were like
that after every date.
Look who's here.
Hello, son.
You look well.
So do you.
One month. She's clean.
As a whistle.
Good for you, Mum.
Weird how it happened.
I was buying gear from this kid
and he handed me a leaflet
for one of them drug support groups.
Got to start listening when even
your dealer's worried about you, eh?
So, I want to move
back in with Mum. No.
Why not? She's better now.
Look, I'm proper glad
you're better and that,
but we both know one month's
just not a long time.
One day at a time, son.
I couldn't agree with you more.
Esme, go and get ready
for school, please. I got ages.
Es. Please go and get ready
for school.
Do you know she's got
a boyfriend now? Yeah, of course.
Missy's all grown-up.
Still my little girl, though.
It's good to see you.
Congratulations on the coin.
I hope it all works out.
Goodbye, Mum.
He's not my legal guardian
any more. So, I can move in with you
if I want to. I can do what I want.
Your brother only wants
the best for you.
You feel like a big man now?
What in God's name
are you doing, Frank?
Ironing.
Well, how'd you learn to do that?
Tom showed me a video
on the internet.
I'm going to mow the lawn next.
Who are you and what have you done
with my father?
DOORBELL RINGS
I'll get it.
It's sort of like making a pizza.
Is it?
How's your mom doing?
Oh, she's much better.
They think that she had an adverse
reaction to some medication.
She's back in the home now.
That's good.
We should visit again.
I'd appreciate that, thank you.
Grandpa, there's someone
at the door for you.
Hey.
What's tickin', chicken?
Don't call me chicken.
There's this woman, Claire, she's
my second-in-command at the BJC.
Now that we've got our little
situation under control,
she's started snooping around
in our finances. Why?
She'll do anything to bring me down.
That is,
unless I can bring her down first.
Is that something
you could help with?
Are you sure you want to start
throwing innocent folks
under the bus?
Claire isn't innocent.
She's trying to take control
of my group.
If I have to choose between Claire
and the BJC, I choose the BJC.
You sound like Stalin
before the purges.
Do you want to join me in jail
if she carries on digging?
You and your second-in-command,
you both have BJC credit cards
for expenses and whatnot?
Yeah.
Good. We'll run the old
Windy City Railroad on her.
I need you to...
..send her on a coffee run.
OK. So, let's imagine this is
a really hip cocktail bar and,
Greg, let me see you walk in.
You're right, he does walk like he's
on the Sex Offenders Register. Yep.
What? You know it's my sight
that's bad, not my hearing?
Let's try again. OK, turn around.
Right, chin up.
Shoulders back. Walk.
You're too stiff, swing your arms.
You look like a chimp.
Put your thumbs in your belt.
OK. Now, lead with your crotch.
Yeah. Too much. Dial it back,
dial it back.
Add a bit of swagger,
yeah, yeah, that's it.
Easy there, cowboy.
I mean, it's...
..it's...it's good enough?
OK, imagine Diane, she's back in the
pub, she's doing a crossword.
Your date never happened, and then
you walk over and chat her up.
Yep. Come on. Lean, Greg, lean,
let me see some lean.
That's it, yes.
Yes, that's it, Greg.
And ask her out.
How? Say something
off the cuff and flirty. Oh.
Apparently, eight across is
"What's your number?"
Oh, really? That's interesting.
Yeah.
Cos six down is "Fuck off, weirdo."
Would that happen?
PHONE BUZZES
It just happened, Greg.
Roll with it. Hello?
Hello, is that Lady Gabby?
This is Claire from
the Bristol Justice Collective.
Oh, hi. How can I help?
Have you heard of something called
Laycock Logistical Services?
Er, no. Should I have?
Forgive me being so direct but
can I ask why you chose to donate
£100,000 to the BJC?
I did what now?!
Don't think we're ungrateful. Thanks
to you, we didn't have to rely on
a council grant,
and we love our new office. I...
I didn't donate £100,00.
I realise you've asked to remain
anonymous but I know it was you.
Sorry, I-I...I have absolutely
no idea what you're talking about.
My lawyer, Greg, handles
the money matters.
Why are you asking all of this?
Because I think we could be
the victims of money laundering.
You still there?
Let me look into it.
That wasn't flirting,
you just shot me in the face!
So...how does it feel,
letting John fly the coop? Well,
it may not seem this way now but...
..what I did will eventually
be viewed as a great kindness.
What do you mean?
He means, uh...
He means letting me leave
without a fight, don't you, Dad?
Right.
I always thought
you'd pressed him into
a kind of indentured servitude,
so I was surprised when you let him
have his freedom.
Girls, did I hear something
about a trifle?
Yes. Come and help me
put the sprinkles on the trifle.
This is Daddy's favourite, isn't it?
So, um, you didn't tell her
how it went down, did you?
Look, if you want to dress things
up for the sake of your marriage,
I understand.
What are you doing here, Dad?
I'm at lunch,
what does it look like?
Yeah. Just thought
you'd pop in for lunch?
Yeah, like I always do.
See you and Ruth and the grandkids.
You fired me.
Like I said, it was nothing
personal, only business.
Ah, business. You are ruining me,
do you know that?
You have to be able
to compartmentalise things, boy.
Work and family
are two different things.
We're family, always will be.
Here we are.
Oh, my goodness. That is delicious.
Son? Is that not delicious, son?
It's whatever you say it is, Dad.
I'll get some bowls. Yeah.
Can I get six flat whites
with oat milk,
two mint teas and a masala chai
for me? No worries, coming up.
You're one thirsty lady. I drew
the short straw for the coffee run.
CANE CLATTERS
Oh!
Uh... Oof...
Are you OK?
I'll be OK, I'm fine.
Thank you.
Low blood sugar. Thank you.
I said to the bloke,
"What is your problem?
"Nadger did a shit
out of the window."
Anyway, long story short, my Uber
rating is down to a 4.3, so...
Oh, hold on, chap, posh trim alert.
Your Ladyship!
How lovely to see you. I'm afraid
Greg's not here at the moment.
I know. It's you I wanted to see.
Fuck off, chap.
How can I help, Your Ladyship?
I'd like to see my client account.
Nay problemo.
Um, I know you say you're a lesbian,
and I am totally on board with that,
but would you ever consider trying
it with a bloke?
Oh, here we go.
Can you see if I've made
any large donations
to something called the BJC?
Uh...yes, a very sizeable amount
several months ago.
And Laycock Logistical Services?
Again, a number of large amounts.
In fact, you have one such payment
going out today.
Freeze all payments this instant.
What? Just do it.
Who authorised these payments?
Er, Greg. Why?
What's going on?
I need a drink.
Want to go and grab a drink?
Does a rocking horse
have a wooden cock?
Yeah, I would absolutely... Sorry!
Apres-vous.
How much is that ting, though?
Expensive. Expensive.
Oh, shit, you lot, stay there.
Yo. One sec, one sec, one sec.
See you later.
There you go. Thanks.
Right, get some rest.
I'll take over.
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Margie, you ever start thinking
about a big old lobster dinner?
Mm, no, I've never had lobster.
You never had lobster? Why?
Well, I'm a single mum,
not Camilla Parker Bowles.
Well, tonight
I'm taking you to dinner.
A little fish restaurant
I've had my eye on.
It's Wednesday, we can't go to a
restaurant, I've got a wash on.
Table for four, seven o'clock,
it's already booked.
Young Tom, throw on a necktie.
It's a high-class joint.
Dad, is this some sort of
Last Supper thing?
Have you got test results
you need to tell me?
I'm fit as a fiddle.
I just want to treat my family
to the finer things.
Make up for lost time.
I totally want to try lobster.
Yeah.
I totally want to eat a lobster.
Of course you do. Come on.
Margie, put your best dress on.
Let your old man treat ya.
Lobster. Lemon. Mwah!
Here we go!
So, Yamani wants
to leave her husband. Really? Yeah.
Last weekend, Book Group, she told
us that she would leave Raj
for Benedict Cumberbatch
at the drop of a hat. Her words.
That doesn't mean she's going to
leave her husband. That's like me
saying I'd leave Ben
for Michael B Jordan,
or Dad saying he'd leave
you for... Dame Helen Mirren.
Celebrity crushes
don't mean anything.
I also fancy Dame Helen Mirren.
Oh, no, Ben's leaving me
for a national treasure!
THEY LAUGH
You're all idiots.
Have you done a business plan?
What?
For your food stall in Weston.
Rani's sorting that.
Yeah, it's all in my head,
I just need to get it down on paper.
Well, I could help you with that.
Your mother and I have been talking.
We have some money put aside
for when Rani went to university
but, uh, as it's not happening...
We would like to help both of you
with the food stall.
Really? Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Thank you! Thank you so much!
Thank you. Thank you.
Pleasure. Pleasure, pleasure.
PHONE BUZZES
Hello?
Time's up. Where's my money.
We transferred the last
of the money to you.
No, no, you're 10,000 short.
What?
Deadline's today
and I told you if you missed it,
I start hurting people you love.
You want cream or custard
on your rhubarb crumble?
I'll have custard, Mum.
You having dinner
with your mum and dad?
Yeah. Mm-hm. That's lovely.
My mum and dad have passed on.
It's really important to treasure
time with your mum and dad
cos they'll be gone one day.
Like tomorrow,
if I don't get the rest
of my fucking money.
Your dad and Ben are having
both cream and custard.
Mum. I'm on the phone.
It's a simple yes or no.
Yes. I'll have both. Oh, fine.
I don't understand what's happened.
Maybe there was some sort of problem
with the shell company.
Not my concern.
A deadline's a deadline.
I'm going to need more time
to figure out what happened.
I warned you. No extensions,
no negotiations.
You have till tomorrow morning
or you and I will both be orphans.
# Happy Birthday to you
# Happy Birthday to you... #
Your crumble's getting cold.
What's wrong?
How is this happening?
How is this happ...?
Why didn't you transfer the money?
I did but Gabby stopped it and froze
her account. Unfreeze it.
Only she can do that.
Then find her, you lanky bastard!
I dunno where she is
and she's not answering her phone!
We were done. We were done!
Right. We're just going to have to
ask for a bit more time.
This isn't asking a teacher
for an extension for an essay!
He said he'd kill my parents!
OK. Right.
How do we make £10,000 by tomorrow?
We could...hold up a bank?
We're not holding up a bank.
We could hold up...a petrol station.
We're not holding up anything.
We could kidnap somebody rich.
Gabby's dad's loaded.
We could kidnap Gabby
and then threaten
to cut off her fingers every hour.
OK, let's calm down, all right?
We're not in the Yakuza.
And we'd run out of fingers
before her father paid a penny. Oh!
Tony Robinson from Blackadder
lives locally. Is he rich?
He's a white male actor.
We're not kidnapping Baldrick!
We're not kidnapping anyone!
Do you have a better idea?!
Pressure selling.
What's pressure selling?
Huh? Pressure selling?
Yeah, what about it?
You just brought it up.
No, I didn't. Yes, you did.
You just mentioned pressure selling
as a way to make fast sales? Yes.
We need to approach our client list
with a time limit.
That's what we need to do. Bulk
offers, OK? And persistence closing.
That's what we need to do.
We don't let them go anywhere
until they have bought fast
and they have bought in bulk.
I mean, it's a form of bullying...
You'd know something about bullying,
calling me a lanky bastard. Look in
the mirror once in a while.
Who's a lanky bastard?
You just said I was a lanky bastard.
What did you say?
I will never be able to go back
to tuna in a can.
You want another lobster,
I can tell.
Do people have two in a row?
One time in Maine, I ate five.
For a bet, which I lost.
How many did the other guy have?
I'm not sure,
I was wheeled out
with butter poisoning.
SHE LAUGHS
I might get a coffee.
Oh! Masala chai.
You have to try a cup.
Nothing washes down
shellfish better.
OK, can we get two masala chais,
please?
What's up? It's Lady G,
live from Bar Revelation,
which is appropriate as I'm thinking
about telling you...a secret.
PHONE RINGS
Yes, yes, but we are about to close
up shop soon and I would hate
for you to get to the weekend,
not get your hands on a nice,
strong macchiato.
What if you find yourself
real thirsty after we close?
Yeah, fine, then - hang up.
Still there, are we?
Cos you know a great offer
when you hear one,
but this offer must end midnight.
Look, if I were you,
I would stock up for the holidays.
Christmas. Easter. Half term.
Take your pick.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. What?
..you might think that he was,
you know, a nice sweet nerd.
But he isn't. No.
And this is a story of discovery
but also of betrayal,
and I'm not sure if I should tell it
because if I do then, well, he
won't have a flatmate any more,
he will have a cellmate.
Oh. Yeah. Shots fired.
Is that live? Very.
Does she know about
the money laundering? Dunno.
I bet Claire's told her something.
She is trying to take the BJC
away from me.
She's not even from Bristol.
She's bloody Scottish!
Bloody foreigners. Coming over here,
stealing our black civil rights
groups, eh? Focus!
You better find Gabby
and stop her talking.
Go!
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Business is booming
all of a sudden.
Oh, is any of that going spare?
I'm back, unleashed. You know what?
You shouldn't trust anyone.
Don't... Don't...
Don't trust your...your family,
don't trust your friends,
don't trust lawyers
called Greg Dillard.
Yeah, and do you know what?
He's a fucking creep, actually.
I went on his internet search
history once, just for fun, and he
searched "Viagra, how much is too
much?" People need to know that
they can't break my heart any more,
don't they? I mean, really?
Let me know in the comments if you
think I should tell my story.
Did she say Greg Dillard?
Mm-hm. What is that?
Remember Lady Gabby?
Her live feed just popped up.
She's on a massive bender,
blabbering on about a criminal
conspiracy. What a hot mess.
Bring her in. Huh? Remember that kid
who was in for armed robbery,
we thought he had drug ties? Yeah.
Well, the lawyer who magically
showed up to take his case...
Was Greg Dillard.
The same lawyer we saw in court
defending Christian Taylor.
The same lawyer who's doing CS
at Bennysfield. Go.
OK, I'm putting you down for three
flat whites and an expresso martini.
I will offer you this at
a reduced price if you buy in bulk.
Well, then throw a party.
You'll be Mr Popular.
All right, cool.
What are you going to say
to Grandad?
Thank you for my lobster.
Thank you for my lobster.
Yeah, thank you, Dad, for a lovely
evening. Oh, sure. And this is?
Masala chai. Cardamom. Cinnamon.
Cloves. Delicious.
Mm!
Smell that.
I'd like to pay with this, please.
Of course.
INAUDIBLE THEN INDISTINCT CHATTER
Where are you going? Inside?
My friends are all expecting me.
Nah, you're not coming in here. Why
not? Cos the people we want in here
look like they're going to provide
glamour, not IT support.
Step aside, mate. All right?
Gabby! Mate,
step away from the glass
before I put your head through
it. Seriously. Just let me in. No.
Now, move. Come on.
All right, I'm going.
THEY LAUGH
I could laugh at you if I want.
INAUDIBLE
Gabby! Ga...
Cool. I'll send someone to you now.
Ah, but this is a one-time deal.
Yeah. Only for our most
valued customers.
You absolutely are, madam, yes,
both you and your grandson.
All right,
so shall we say your usual?
Oh, yeah. We've got our own
dedicated delivery team.
Karmacoma, Jamaica and Roma.
Hiya. What?
Can I come in, please?
Password?
Is it my mother's maiden name?
Jesus! Woo!
Don't mind me,
I'm just...passing through.
Greg? Yeah?
It's Rosie.
I was giving you a blowie when you
reversed into that police car.
Oh, right, yeah. How's it going?
Yeah, yeah, mustn't grumble.
Keeping busy.
What happened that night with you,
after?
Cos I just got off with a warning.
Did you? Yeah. Yeah, I got, um,
120 hours of community service.
Oh, no. Yeah.
How did it go?
Not great, if I'm honest.
I ended up getting blackmailed
and now I'm in hock to
a ruthless London drug dealer.
I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah.
Oi! I'm sorry to break up
this little reunion
but I'm paying by the hour here,
mate. Oh!
Shut up, you little bitch!
Yes, mistress. Eh, listen.
I'm done here in 20 minutes
if you want anything doing.
We could finish that blowie
that you never got.
That's very good of you, but no,
I can't, actually,
cos I've got to quickly try and find
one of my other clients before she,
um, sends me to jail.
Oh. You have been a bad boy.
Anyway, lovely to see you.
It's been good to see you.
Thank you so much.
Sorry for interrupting you.
OK.
Woo! You've been a bad boy!
Oh, yes, you have!
Ooh!
Evening.
I don't suppose you've got
a member of the landed gentry
in here, have you?
There's so many whips.
Gabby!
Gabby?
Gabby?
Gabby.
Judas!
Can we speak in private, please?
Anything you have to say,
you can say in front of
my real friends here.
There's a policeman here.
Good. I have things to say to him.
Just let me explain first.
It's too late for explaining.
Just hear me out. And if you still
want to turn me in,
I won't stop you.
Please.
Police.
Has anyone seen
Lady Gabriella Penrose-Howe?
Right, then, you cheeky little
monkeys. Guess who's brought
the goods. We have got Chang
and a lovely bit of MD...Mmm...
..mazing that you are here,
Detective,
because these are drugs.
Yuck.
Did you find my watch, by the way?
We should get a move on, I think.
I want an explanation, right now.
Shall we do that at home over
a cup of tea and a Mr Kipling? No,
explain. What have you been doing?
It's... It's so complicated, Gabby.
Well, then un-complicate it, Greg.
I've been using your client account
to launder the proceeds of
an illegal drug operation.
Right. That's it, is it? Yeah.
Cool. Great.
Great. Shall we go?
No, not great, Greg! Not cool!
You've been using me to launder...?!
So when you...when you said that
everyone else in my life was a mooch
and a hanger-on and I thought that
that meant you really cared about
me, that was bollocks?
No, I do care about you. Of course.
How can you say that?!
Literally no-one in my life
has used me more than you!
I know. I'm sorry.
You're my consigliere.
I know you hired me
to protect you and look after you
and, uh, I betrayed you.
But you have to know, I would never
deliberately hurt you.
You know, money laundering
and exploiting you,
that's not something
I would choose to do.
It's not just that you're my lawyer,
Greg.
I thought you were my friend.
I am your friend.
I know. I'm so sorry, Gabby.
I don't even know how
I ended up doing this.
All I know is that there's guns,
and threats,
and everyone's lives are in danger
if I don't do this.
Whose lives? Who else is involved?
Rani, Ben, Myrna, John, Frank.
I'm the only one
who doesn't know about this?
Yeah.
Yup, all here.
Go on, kids, be on your way.
Police are watching the building.
What we going to do?
Fuck. We're all fucked.
Our humble thanks
for attending Fight Back Bristol.
We'll be back next week,
so be sure
to tell all of your friends.
And remember -
we will NEVER give up on you
so, please, don't give up
on yourselves.
And if anyone should offer you
drugs, what do we do?
ALL: Just say no.
Fight Back Bristol? What is that?
Grassroots initiative.
People like us with criminal records
just trying to ensure that the kids
don't make the same mistakes
that we did. I mean,
can't wait for the system
to step in, can you?
So you're all activists now?
Just caring members of the
community.
You're feeling a deep ideological
connection to the movement, are you?
What's your home address?
He lives in Clifton Towns.
He can't speak for himself?
Well, yeah, of course he can.
But if what you're implying
is that there's no place
for a white, middle-class man in
this,
then you'd be wrong. In some ways...
Spare me the lecture. Please.
Are we OK? Everyone OK?
John, are you OK?
That was close! Ha!
Yeah, way too close.
Definitely way too close.
Oh, come on, you've got to admit -
it's a bit of a thrill.
We weren't ziplining, Rani.
Oh, my God. You're so boring!
I don't want to run around
with drugs and guns and money.
That's different to being boring.
Be careful, Rani.
You know who told me this before?
Who? Christian Taylor.
And that's why he's in jail
and I'm not.
DOOR OPENS
Hi, lovelies.
How's the drug dealing going?
You told her?
My mum killed herself
when I was six years old.
My dad was never home
so I was just passed
from caretaker to caretaker.
Never really had a real family.
But all of us over the past
few months, working together,
laughing together...
..it's kind of felt like
we were a family.
I'm sorry, Gabby.
We should never have involved you.
I can only imagine how upsetting
it must be to wake up
and find yourself embroiled
in a criminal conspiracy.
I'm not upset
because you've involved me
in a criminal conspiracy.
I'm upset because you haven't.
What?
I know everything about drugs.
I've been using them
since I was 12.
I know what's good,
I know what's bad,
I know the jargon, the prices.
I could help you.
So you're saying you WANT to be
a part of a criminal conspiracy?
Yes!
SCOFFS AND STUTTERS
Now, which one of you is the Mr Big?
What happened to you last night?
I-I talked my way out of it
but it was so awkward
that even the bloke in the gimp mask
couldn't look at me.
Luckily, I managed to get away
when an ambulance showed up.
Some pervert got his fist
stuck inside someone else.
Did he lose his watch as well?
I need to make a fresh transfer
to Laycock Logistical Services.
W—We froze the account.
Well, now we need to thaw it out
cos I've got a lot of logistics I
need servicing. So, chop chop. Um...
BIRDS CAW
WHISPERS: We did it.
Ain't you happy?
Yeah. Of course I am.
Tell your face then.
HE CHUCKLES
What's eating you?
Nothing. Well, I...
Ben said something but...
..it doesn't matter. It's fine.
What did he say?
He said I remind him of you.
When you was in the sack?
No. When we were arguing.
I said he was boring,
then he said that...
..I'm enjoying
this gang shit too much.
Are you?
No.
When me and Ben
were just young guys,
olders in our neighbourhood
all had cars,
nice jewellery and cash,
working for The Dean.
There was easy money to be made
running with them.
And on top of that,
the status and respect and...
..you know,
the hype gets addictive, right?
Your boy Ben was smart. He resisted.
Me? I started in country,
then started running my own team.
And the whole time, I'm thinking,
"This isn't who I am."
I'll just make some quick P's
then go back to where I was.
But one day, you wake up
and it IS who you are.
And it's too late to go back
to where you was.
And the next thing you know, you're
wearing the same grey tracksuit
with the same grey socks
and the same grey underwear -
because they're all washed
together -
spending 23 hours a day in
the same four-square-metre room.
Take it from me...
..that's boring.
Four black Americanos,
a masala chai
and a piece of that cake.
Right, two seconds.
Morning.
Right, there is a coffee there
for you
and a masala ch... Ooh!
Shit! I am so sorry. Oh!
Let's just get that off of there.
Doesn't matter that it's a bit
dry in there.
Sorry about that. I'm more
fingers than thumbs today.
OK...
Right, let me get you
some more tissues... Please.
Coffee...
Oh... Right, tissues, tissues.
What was you doing in
the house, all alone with a boy,
without telling me? It's my house,
too. Oh, it's your house?
Do you pay bills? Do you know what?
Furthermore, give me your phone.
Why? Give me your phone.
I want to know who the guy is.
Give me your phone.
He's none of your business.
It was past midnight
on a school night
and you were here chilling
with some boy. We were studying!
This is why I want to live with Mum.
Because she lets me do what I want.
It's because she's a smackhead!
Not any more!
She just trusts me.
Dickhead.
You have to let her
live her own life. Sometimes.
Not yet I don't. She's 16.
You can't protect her all the time.
Yeah, well, I can try.
Well, my parents tried.
They tried to wrap me up
in cotton wool my whole life.
Look how I turned out.
WHISPERS: I'm a drug dealer.
OK. You're not...boring.
You're right.
I was getting hooked on buzz.
So, anyway,
it...
It's over. I'm back.
I'm sorry.
You were starting to scare me there.
I thought I was sharing a bed
with the Godfather.
About Es.
If things go wrong with your mum,
she knows where to find you.
Myrna? Claire?
Um, have you got a minute?
I just found something a bit odd,
and I was wondering if you could
help me get to the bottom of it.
Something odd?
Yeah, I was just going through
the BJC bank account - you know,
doing the money laundering
due diligence and everything.
I just found this payment
on Claire's company card for £518.
What? Let me see.
Is that your card number?
Yes, but what's Le Grande Poisson?
I think it means "the big fish".
It's, um,
a fancy seafood place in Clifton.
But did you use your BJC card
to pay for a meal in there
or anything?
No, I've never even been there. No?
It's probably some kind of mistake.
Greg, could you call them,
please? On it.
HE TAPS BUTTONS RAPIDLY
LINE RINGS THROUGH SPEAKER
Le Grand Poisson, how may I help?
Uh, hi. Can I speak to your manager,
please? This is he.
Hi, my name's Myrna
and I just wanted to check
and see if a credit card was used
in your restaurant last night.
It ends in...
BOTH: 9335.
Hold on, please.
Someone probably stole your card.
No, it's here.
Yes. That card was used here
last night. Right, um,
can you tell me
what it was spent on?
Three dozen oysters,
four lobster mains,
a truffle mac and cheese,
two bottles of champagne...
Someone was peckish.
..and two masala chais.
Right, so, that's your drink,
isn't it? Yes, but... OK, thank you.
You're welcome.
LINE DISCONNECTS
Claire, if you were in my position,
what would you do right now?
This is... Someone has done this.
Done what?
I don't know. Made it look like...
Claire, it gives me
no pleasure to say this
but, while we investigate
this matter,
I feel I have to suspend you.
Suspend me?
We need to be whiter-than-white.
Erm...
OK.
CLAIRE CLEARS HER THROAT
Yeah, sure.
What?
Activism is a fight.
Sometimes, you have to fight dirty.
What was I supposed to do?
HUSHED CONVERSATION
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, you were right. You know,
about giving people second chances.
About forgiveness.
Seriously?
If you ever need anything,
just pick up the phone
and I'll come, yeah? I'll be there.
Come here.
Thanks, Ben.
KNOCK ON DOOR
We need to go for a little ride.
You got me anything
from the gift shop?
All I've got for you is a deal.
I'd prefer a muffin.
I know Rani Rekowski and her friends
are running your crew.
And I know you're all in bed
with The Dean.
Do you know the numbers
for this week's EuroMillions?
Co-operate.
Help me collar The Dean,
and I'll get you out of here.
How does that sound?
Like a great episode
of Line Of Duty.
HE LAUGHS
Do you think it hasn't been noticed
by people in here
how many times I've visited you?
Do you know how easy it would be
for me to spread the word around
that you're my favourite informant?
WHISPERS: How long do you think
you'd last after that?
Think about my offer.
Evening, all.
I have good news
and I have even better news.
The good news is, I have received
payment, in full, on time,
as you promised. I'll be honest,
I didn't think you'd make it.
And my boys are livid. They dug
ditches out the back for nothing.
Now, on to the even better news.
What's that? This, my dear,
is ten kilos of pure uncut cocaine
that you are going to shift for me.
No. We're done.
No, you're The Beatles
of drug selling
and I can't break up the band.
Don't make me the Yoko.
And think of this
as your White Album.
This isn't fair!
We did what you asked!
Fair?
You're lucky your parents
aren't on TV, in tears,
asking for information
of your fucking whereabouts.
We're not doing it. This is over.
This is over when I say it's over.
And I'm sorry,
but it ain't fucking over.
He's never going to stop.
Why would he?
He's on to a good thing.
I cannot deal drugs
for the rest of my days.
Obviously! None of us can.
Right, what are we going to do?
We'll kill him.
Sorry, what?
Well, any other ideas
before we settle on murder?
Anyone heard of the Brass Bunkum?
MUSIC: Short Change Hero
by The Heavy
# I can't see
where you comin' from
# But I know
just what you runnin' from
# And what matters ain't the
"who's baddest" but the
# Ones who stop you fallin'
from your ladder, when you're
# This ain't no place for no hero
# This ain't no place for no
better man
# This ain't no place for no hero
# To call home
# This ain't no place for no hero
# This ain't no place for no
better man
# This ain't no place for no hero
# To call home... #