The Outlaws (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Episode #1.4 - full transcript

♪ My obsession

♪ It's my creation

♪ You'll understand
it's not important now... ♪

Young lady,
may I have this dance?

Daddy, we can't dance
in the middle of a shop.

Why not?

We're just testing
this record player.

- Do you have one of these?
- No.

Hm.

- Do we have any marmalade?
- I don't know.

Did you find a job to earn
money to buy you some?



Tom, let's go! Let's go!

I don't have time
to drop you off today.

- Bye, Grandpa.
- Bye.

- Bye, Grandpa.
- Have a wonderful day.

Do you need money for the bus?

I can scrape something
together.

Broken.

Broken.

Broken.

Morning, legal guardian.

Don't you have your exam today?

Aren't you gonna call
the police?

Nah, it's probably
just some crack-heads

just looking for cash
or jewellery or whatever.



Pretty thorough,
these crack-heads.

Even checked for jewellery
in the back of the TV.

- As you do.

Hi.

Just calling to wish you luck.

- 'How are you feeling?'
- I feel like shit.

Like there's a million things
to think about at once.

Well, look,
when you get in there

and you can feel
your heart rate spiking,

you can use that adrenaline.

- 'Yeah? You'll be fine.'
- Alright. Thanks.

'That's OK.'

Good luck and you just call me
any time you want.

Bye.

Phone privileges are suspended.

I'm not a child.
This is my phone.

Not until you stop lying to us.

Or go out on secret
midnight plumbing jobs.

You're not even VAT-registered.

You all set?

Text me after.

Yo, Esme.

- Where you going?
- Why do you care?

Why you being like that? Why
you ain't been around lately?

- You told me to go away.
- No.

You buggin' out or something?
Chill and talk for a minute.

No, I've gotta get to this exam.

You can be five minutes late.

You can't, actually.
It's one of the rules.

Chill and talk for a minute.

You OK for money?

Why you being nice to me?

Just want to talk.
I miss you being around.

You're full of shit.

For real. For real!

Everyone loves you.

Don't you have fun
when you chill with us?

Yeah.

Don't you feel safe?

Yeah.

Alright, then.

So, come on.
Come back to my crib.

Why?

Just chill, have a chat, smoke.

We can watch a Blue Planet
on my 68-inch.

It's like being
in the actual sea. Hm?

No, I gotta get to this exam.

Er...Mum, you shouldn't even
be snooping around in there.

Because it's my bedroom.
My name's on the door.

Yeah, exactly! Exactly!

Not, "Come in." Hey!

They are not anal beads.

They're called nunchucks

and they're Japanese
fighting sticks.

Yeah. How do you even know
about anal beads anyway?

Ugh, Mum!

I don't want to know that
Trevor bought you anal beads!

Diane! My office now.

You know what, Mum?
I'm hanging up.

Sir.

Diane, this is
Detective Sergeant Haines

of the Bristol and Avon
Constabulary.

Honora to meet you, ma'am.

There's no need to curtsey.
She's not Camilla Parker Bowles.

This is D.S. Selforth.

Diane, a drug gang from London
now operating in Bristol

has been robbed
by an armed masked man.

That man has been
tracked by CCTV

to the building that
your offenders are renovating.

The building's
a CCTV black spot,

but a witness said
she saw a masked man

entering the building
with a sports bag

and then leaving some time
later without the sports bag.

Without the sports bag. Yeah,
well, we've got to find the bag.

Do we know what's in the bag?

It could be money, drugs,
even weapons.

A.K.A. gangster shit.
Yeah, I feel ya.

We'd appreciate it if you
give us access to the site.

Well, you've come
to the right person,

'cause I'm planning on becoming
a police officer myself.

OK, calm down, Bruce Willis.

They need you to open the door,
not lead a SWAT team.

- Shall we?
- Yeah, sure.

Oh, thank you.

- Thanks.
- Thank you, sir.

Kiss?

- Has Tom got a girlfriend?
- Yeah.

Why didn't you tell me?

You're supposed to be
my spy on the inside.

Kiss.

Here you go.

Thank you. Bye.

Margaret?

- Oh, hi.
- Kathy, Marcus's mum.

- How are you?
- Good, thanks.

I don't know whether you heard,

but I'm organising
the school fete this year

and we're doing a car boot.

I don't suppose
you'd want to do a stall?

It's only a fiver.

That's actually
what my car's worth.

Ha-ha.

Oh, also, I hope
you don't mind me asking,

just you're
the only person I know

who's mates
with the rich and famous.

Any chance you could ask
Lady Gabriella to open the fete?

What?

See if she'll judge
our rude vegetable competition?

- You've lost me.
- Oh, come on.

My Marcus, he was there.
I've seen the pictures.

What pictures?

Lady Gabby at the party
at your house.

- I don't know that woman.
- Go on, it's not a big ask.

She just has to give first prize

to a turnip shaped
like a big fat ass.

Rani, I can't remember
what we talked about.

My head is buzzing here.
I feel like I'm gonna faint.

Oh, God. Can you call me back?

Please.

Shit.

Traffic wasn't too bad, was it?

- It was fine, Diane.
- Let's check the back.

Sorry, just gotta get
the code in here.

Only I know the code, ma'am.
Don't worry.

I reset it daily
just to make sure.

Oh, no, hold on.

There we are.

Oh, yes, please.
Here we go. Come on now.

Thank you, officers.

Here we are.

So, when I apply to be
a police officer, like yourself,

uh... what sort of thing
will they be looking for?

Well, you need
a decent level of fitness.

Check. I mean, I've been a
member of Crunch since New Year.

Pretty sure I could bench you,
Sergeant. No offence.

Uh...head down there.

Ooh. Bit of a tight squeeze.

Do you think you'll work well
in a team?

I mean, if I'm honest,

people would probably
describe me

as a maverick who gets results.

But also punctual
with one heck of a tush.

Would you feel comfortable
managing a large team?

Yeah, no problem. I regularly
supervise up to seven people.

Well, leadership skills
are essential.

Oh, I'm a born leader.

The offenders are always saying
I'm like a little Hitler.

Not because they think
I share Hitler's views.

Just, you know,
his natural authority

and, you know, just his ability
to get shit done.

Would you be willing to work
very long hours?

Never see your friends
or family?

Yes, please. I'm quite happy
not to see my family.

Especially since my mum moved
her new bloke in, Trevor.

I was in the kitchen
the other day having breakfast

and he came in his robe
and it fell open.

I was eyeball with everything.

Should I have to look at
a 70-year-old cock and balls

with a mouthful of Coco Pops?

No, you should not.

No, exactly.
Thank you, ma'am.

I mean, talk about turning
the milk chocolatey,

I almost turned the milk vomity.

Police aren't always popular.

Do you think you can handle
being ridiculed? Laughed at?

Oh, yeah.
I've always been laughed at.

You shit yourself one time
climbing the rope in gym class

and you're no longer
Diane Pemberley, you know?

You're Squiddles.

So, any more for any more?

You need diligence,
a keen eye for detail...

Check.

...and you have to be able
to follow orders.

Oh, yeah. I mean, ask anyone.

Following orders is
what I'm most famous for.

That and my great tush.

Well, you should be
a shoo-in for the force.

Assuming you pass
the background checks.

- Background checks?
- Yeah.

They just need to check
you don't have a shady past.

Nothing to hide.

Let's start wrapping things up!
There's nothing here.

Nothing up here, ma'am.
All clear. Anything down there?

Anything else I can
assist you with, Sergeants?

Just ask you keep your eye out
for anything suspicious

or out of the ordinary.

What kind of thing?

People hanging around the site

and walking back and forth
a lot.

And casing the joint.
I feel ya. Uh... ma'am?

If I do decide to apply
to be in the force,

would you put a good word in?

I'm not allowed to do that.

Have you thought about becoming
a community support officer?

They're just glorified
traffic wardens, aren't they?

No, they're not.

And it will help
with your application

when you do apply to the police.

Really?

This is my card.

If anything catches your eye,
however small.

Call me any time.

Don't worry, ma'am! I've got
eyes in the back of my head.

Turn over your papers, please.
Time starts now.

Do you know what I do?

- I know.
- Do you?

'Cause thinking
you're about that life

and bein' about that life

ain't one and the same, Es.

This ain't a game.

It's some serious shit.

I know it ain't.

But I want to make some bank.

I want to earn
some respect like you.

And I don't want people
tellin' me no more

what I should and shouldn't do.

- Alright, Squiddles?
- Oh, grow up, Dave!

Why did he call you Squiddles?

'Cause he's a prat.
Back to work.

- Five per cent?
- Five per cent?

Greg, that's barely enough
to buy a coffee round.

You're thinking of five pounds.

Can we just discuss this later?
OK?

Guys? Guys, just gather.

So, I'm thinking about donating

some of the profits from
my festival to good causes,

so, if you have any ideas,
just let me know.

But I definitely want
to support animals

and people who are LGBTQIA+.

Also my Wi-Fi password.

The Bristol Justice Collective
needs £1,000

to campaign against people
appropriating black culture.

Does cultural appropriation
go both ways?

Yeah, if you see a black guy
on the beach

wearing socks with sandals,
feel free to get upset.

When are you two
going to see it?

See what?

This constant arguing and
bickering... you're in love.

- Ha!
- You're delusional.

- Yeah, you are.
- No.

- Yes. You are.
- That's a ridiculous idea.

You are just two angry peas
in a pod.

Oh!

Right.

So, I'm gonna need my share of
the money in my account today.

Yeah. Me too.

- You can't.
- What?

I knew it. You thieving
bastard! Where is it?

What have you done with it,
Frank?

Keep your wigs on.
Your money's safe and sound,

but you can't walk into NatWest
with a suitcase full of cash.

Looks a tad suspicious.

Well, I can't pay my employees
from a bag full of £50 notes,

because that looks
a tad suspicious.

Which is why
you need to launder it.

Oh, we need to...
OK, Scarface!

We're laundering money now,
are we?

Not we, you.
I'm keeping mine in cash.

Well, how are we supposed
to launder money?

Not my concern.

It's absolutely your concern,
mate.

Because, I tell you right now,
if I go down,

I'm taking you with me, and you.

Wow.

What you need
is a crooked lawyer.

Can I speak to you please?

Hey, thanks
for calling my sister.

No, no, that's fine.

The police
came to my house last night.

What?

They have CCTV of the robbery
and my dad's van's on there.

- Have they connected us?
- Not yet.

My dad said that, um... that
he was the one driving the van.

So, what did you say
to your dad?

That I was at a friend's house.

- Does he believe you?
- No.

It just makes me so upset

that my own parents think
I'm lying about this.

But you are lying about this.

Yeah, but they don't know that.

I don't trust either of you
as far as I can throw you.

Why would I trust
a bent lawyer?

You can't say bent lawyer.
It's homosexual lawyer.

Bent as in corrupt!

Oh, right.

Come off your high horse
for five minutes, can you,

while we launder
our stolen money?

Guys, please, a bent lawyer
is exactly who you can trust.

It's the honest ones
you have to worry about.

But why would he help us?

'Cause he won't have a choice.

Diane?

There's something high up I
can't reach. Can I borrow Greg?

I'll allow it.

How can the big man help?

Can we ask you
a hypothetical legal question?

OK.

Imagine a lovely sweet old lady
finds a large bag of cash.

- What's her name?
- Beryl.

And where did Beryl
find this money?

Uh... she found it
at the bottom of the garden.

Sounds unlikely.

Yeah, well, Beryl's a lucky
old cow. What are you gonna do?

Beryl is not a wealthy woman
and this money could help her

out of all kinds
of financial jams,

so she comes to you,
you're her lawyer,

and she says, "Greg, I need
to wash this cash pronto,

"and I need a paper trail
that makes it look legit."

Beryl sounds a bit shifty.

No, she's a sweetheart.
You'd like her.

What would you do?

I'd say, "Thanks for coming in,
Beryl.

"Always a pleasure to see you.

"But I can't help you
with this, obviously,

"because you're talking
about money laundering,

"which is a major crime
and we'd both go to jail."

To which Beryl says,
"Yeah, right, absolutely.

"But, theoretically,
what would you do?"

Well, theoretically, Beryl,

we'd need to funnel it through
some kind of shell company.

Smart.
And how would you do that?

Um...

Well, I'd use an existing
client's account at my law firm,

like Lady Gabby's.

How does that work?

I'd have Julie
in the accounts department

pay the money
into Lady Gabby's account,

and then have Julie
issue you a check.

Greg, I knew you're
the man to turn to.

I want you to do that for me.

As I said, Beryl, I can't,
'cause it's money laundering.

Greg, do you remember
when you told us

about how you forged signatures
on legal documents?

That your cupboard of chaos
was full of evidence

of your total incompetence
and professional negligence.

Why don't we call
your boss right now,

tell him all about that?

Is this still Beryl talking?

No.

- Are you Beryl?
- Yeah.

- Beryl?
- Yep.

- Beryl?
- Yeah.

What do you think?

Say yes.

Do you know what this is?

Power.

Long as people know you'll use
it, no one will mess with you.

You like that feeling?

Now it's cocked.

Now you aim. Pull the trigger.

Breathe in
and pull the trigger.

- Bang!

My bad. Never meant
to make you shook.

But you've got to be prepared,
'cause the thing runs off loud.

Do you want to go
on my chocolate fountain?

What?

I bought a chocolate fountain.
It's the shit.

Yeah, come.

Your mother and I
want to talk with you.

Do you remember
the ultimatum I gave you

when you were arrested?

You said that if I stole,
cheated or lied to you again,

that I would be dead to you.

Well, that is where we are now.

What?

We can no longer trust you.
You will not tell us the truth.

So, we want you to move out,
find your own place.

Are you joking?
Did you agree to this?

What about Oxford?

You will not be going
to Oxford.

You don't seem to place
any real value on it anyway.

- What am I supposed to do?
- Get a job.

Mum?

You asked us to stop
treating you like a child.

So, this is what it is like
to be an adult.

I took the van to help a boy
from community service.

He's a really good person,

but he... he was forced to
steal from some drug dealers

to help his sister.

I took the van to save or help,
I don't know, something.

But, that...
that's what happened.

I have one question.

Mm-hm.

Are you mental?

You want me
to take you seriously,

but you still act like a child.

You can't just say,
"Oh, I'm sorry about that,"

and as soon as the sun goes
down, do the same thing again.

Pretty soon, the word sorry
doesn't mean much.

You're right,
but I am sorry, Margie, truly.

Why are you having a go at him?
He threw the party for me.

He's the one person in this
house who's trying to help me.

What? I try and help you.
That is literally all I do!

He knows that.

- Am I speaking to you?
- No. Sorry. You have the floor.

I don't need your permission
to speak. Go to your room!

- Me?
- Yes!

Keep going
till I hear the door shut.

Mum, he's changed.

A leopard can't
change his spots.

Yeah, but people can.

Yeah,
but your grandfather can't.

Being selfish and a liar
is in his nature.

Do you remember the parable
about the scorpion and the frog?

Your grandfather is a scorpion.

Right, well, a minute ago he
was a leopard. So, which is it?

Every time, he breaks my heart!
That is what he does!

He makes you love him,

and when you drop your guard
down, he rips your heart out.

I will not let him
do that to you!

I'm gonna go now.

It better all be here.

- What do you take me for?
- A liar and a thief.

You sound like my daughter.

Hey, you've been married
a while, right?

- You understand women.
- What?

Say you upset your wife
and it's your fault.

- How do you win her back?
- I give her things.

- Like what?
- Like flowers, perfume.

- You know, scratch cards.
- That works?

Or take her on a little trip,
you know.

Ruth gets stuck with the kids
quite a lot,

so sometimes it's nice
to give her a little holiday.

Holiday. Uh-huh.

Hiya.

Oh, blimey.

Right, so I suppose we...

"Thanks, then, Greg.

"We appreciate you risking your
career for a total stranger."

"Oh, no problem, John."

"We should get a pint when
this all blows over, Greg."

"Oh, that sounds lovely,
John, yeah."

Hey, Greggles. Guess what?

I did a survey
around the office, right,

and you're number one.

Number one what?

Person most likely to die

in one of these wanking
and choking accidents.

Oh, yeah. Oh, it's going dark
but I quite like it. Ah.

My glasses are steaming up.

Oh, I can't see my reflection.

Come on. You're almost there,
Greggy. You're almost there.

What do you know about
those Twilight movies?

The Twilight films?

I know that the only thing more
out of date are your condoms.

Are they about the vampires
or something?

Yeah, that's right, yeah,
they're films for teenage girls

who fantasise about having
sex with a dead bloke.

So you'll probably love them.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ah.

Hiya, Julie.

- Hello, Greg.
- Alright? Um...

So I was watching TV last night
and Twilight came on,

and I thought, "Yes, please,
I'll have a bit of this."

I never knew you were
into The Twilight Saga.

How can you not be? Incredible
films. I was wondering if you...

Alright, big question.
Team Edward or team Jacob?

In what sense?

In the only sense.

What was the question again?

Team Edward or team Jacob?

- Team Jacob.
- Yes!

'Cause why would you choose
a vampire over a werewolf?

No idea.
Absolutely no idea.

Everyone's always like,
"It's got to be Team Edward,"

and I'm like, "Excuse me.

"Do you not remember
at the beginning of New Moon

"where Edward
just abandons Bella?"

How can we forget that?
The little shit.

- And who was there for her?
- Well, you know.

- Jacob.
- Jacob. What a guy.

It does help that
he's got a body to die for.

Oh, preaching to
the choir here, sister.

I said to my husband, "If
Taylor Lautner comes to Bristol

"and he wants me to lick sweat
off his abs, I'm doin' it."

That's disgust... that's...
that's nice of you.

Just, you know, welcoming.
It's like, "Come to Bristol."

You off
to the gym yourself?

Only if you'll lick the sweat
off my abs after.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

No, it's a giant bag of cash.

- Oh, ha-ha.
- No, it is. It really is.

Why have you got
a big bag of cash?

Well, my client, Lady Gabriella
Penrose-Howe, handed it to me,

and she said, "Greg, would you
pay this into my client account

"before close of business today
and then issue checks

"to the two names on this
piece of paper, please?"

Shall we do that for her?

Well, why's she got
a big bag of cash, then?

Whoa. Well, I tell you what.
Let me tell you why.

She has a lot
of public appearances.

You know, in like clubs
or opening supermarkets, fetes.

That sort of thing.

And she always demands
to be paid in cash.

Is there anyone weirder
than the aristocracy?

Not that I can think of.

OK, so, shall we go down
the bank and pay this in

and get them checks issued?

- Oh, yeah, no problemo.
- Great, great.

I just need you
to get this signed

by the compliance officer.

I thought you were
the compliance officer.

Oh, God, no, not anymore.
Thankless task.

The only reason to be
a compliance officer

is if you want to be there
when shit hits the fan.

Or you want to suck up
to your boss.

So, who's compliance
officer now?

Yeah. OK, six o'clock,
perfect.

Oh, for fuck's...

Alright, thanks.

Team Jacob.

Hey, Margie,
what you up there for?

Money.

Money?

The school's having
a car-boot sale.

I thought I might try
and flog some crap.

Why do you need money?

Well, I use it to pay
for goods and services, Frank.

I don't know if you've noticed,

but there are four people
eating in this house

and only one person
bringing in any money.

Well, then, let me help you.

Oh, sod off.

Really. I insist.

I might let you win one or two.
You never know.

Mind you, with that flag...

Oi, oi, saveloys!

Thought you were
usually in Torquay

at this time of year, Graham.

I will be in a week when
they finish repainting my yacht.

Huh! Yacht!

No, seriously, I...
I've bought a yacht. 60-footer.

- Yachts are a money pit.
- Yeah.

If it floats or flies,
rent it, don't buy it.

Not worried.

You know why? Asia.

Asia?

Mm. Lot of motorbikes
in Asia, John.

- They all need brake pads.
- Ahem!

I don't follow.

You don't want to do business
with our Eastern friends,

I get it.

Me, I'll share a spring roll
with anyone.

Bai-bai-la!

Yeah, no, uh... that's...
Well, I can explain.

What happened?

The... the Chinese wanted
so many strings attached.

Long-term, they were...
they were just gonna screw us.

Then you negotiate.

You can't negotiate
with the Chinese.

They don't know if they're
communist or capitalist.

It's like dealing
with the Labour Party.

Jesus. It took me 40 years
to build this business.

You've banjaxed it
after six months.

I haven't banjaxed anything,
OK? I've found a new investor.

Who?

Just a businessman looking
to diversify his portfolio.

Well, why am I only
hearing this now?

When am I going to meet him?

Why do you want to meet him?

- Because it's my company.
- It's our company.

When am I going to meet him?

I'll set up a meeting.

Huh.

Oh, look. Your old records.

You always loved your music.
We should play more music.

Look at all these...

Debbie Gibson.

Kajagoogoo.

Milli Vanilli.
All the greats.

Let's play them.
Where's your record player?

Really?

What?

You don't even remember,
do you?

What?

Never mind.

Rani, come here!

Sit down.

Your father and I
have been talking,

and we are very relieved
that you have told us the truth.

We have decided that...

...you can stay.

On one condition.

No more trouble.
No more visits from the police.

And you have nothing
further to do with this boy.

You must not speak with him
or contact him in any way.

And if he talks to you again,
then you just ignore him.

And if you prove to us that
you can do that, you can stay.

Thank you.

Chap, a bit of intel for you.
Have you noticed

the new paralegal's been
checking you out all day?

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

She's been giving you
all the signals.

I'm surprised you
haven't picked up on it.

I've been balls deep
in work, chap.

Time to get balls deep
into something else.

- The new paralegal.
- No, I got it, yeah.

B.R.B.

Brilliant.

In what possible universe did I
believe you could read women?

She told me to stick
my fat head up my big ass.

She goes to H.R., I'm taking
you down with me, mate.

- My bad, chap, sorry.
- Just...

One compliance form,
signed, sealed, delivered.

I know what you are.

What?

Vampire.

Remember?
Bella, Edward in the forest?

Yeah, I love all that shit,
yeah.

I'm just conscious that
the banks are closing soon.

So, shall we?

Alright, I'll just...

Come on, let's go. Chop-chop.
Let's go, let's go.

Oh, OK. Alright.

Chill out.

Yo, this is Godiva chocolate
direct from Belgium.

85 per cent cocoa.

Get a marshmallow,
get involved.

How's your brother doing?

He's mastering
how to be a total dickhead.

Yeah? Why you say that?

'Cause he's suddenly decided
he wants us to leave Bristol.

And go where?

I don't know. Anywhere.

He have the weight
to roll like that?

I mean, he says he's come
into some money.

But it's probably just bullshit.

Es, you had me
bugging out, man.

Why weren't you
answering your phone?

What have you been
doing all night?

Minding my own business.
You should try it.

Es! Please.

We need to talk.

There's something you need
to know about the break-in.

It weren't crack-heads.
It was the Brook Hill crew.

What you on about?

They were looking
for something that I took.

What?

Money.

You stole money from Brook
Hill? But how stupid are you?

Look, we have to leave tonight.
Just get out of Bristol.

- And go where?
- Anywhere! I dunno.

- London or...
- Yeah.

Let's go London
to get away from gangs.

Just give them back the money.

The money's gone, Es.

On what? 'Cause it ain't
the cleaning lady.

It's not spent,
it's stolen, alright?

I hid it at C.S.

just in case Brook Hill came
back here looking for it.

One of the other offenders
must've taken it.

I'll figure out who it is, get
it back, but then we have to go.

First you take me
away from mum.

Now you want to take me away
from my friends. Fuck you.

No, this will be good
for us, Es.

There's enough money
to get us out of this dump.

We could find
a nice place somewhere.

And once you pass your exams,
we'll get you into a uni.

Why can't you get this
into your thick skull?

I don't want to go to uni.

I don't wanna live with you in
your fairy-tale house with you

or teachers or social workers

or fucking Rani
getting in my business.

I just want to live my own life
how I want to live it.

Esme!

- Hello.
- Hello. How may I help?

I'm interested
in foreign travel.

Somewhere hot, relaxing.

Where do you have in mind?

How far does that get you?

Ooh!

Well, I tell you
where I love. Lanzarote.

It's a volcanic island.
The whole place is black.

My husband and I
love it so much,

we've gone 16 years in a row.

The national dish
is potatoes mojo.

Or mojo potatoes,
as they like to call it.

We absolutely love it. You can
cook it on the hot volcano.

Like on the rocks there.

I distinctly
remember telling you

I was going fishing with Roy.

Didn't tell me you were going
for two months. To Portugal.

I didn't know myself
until yesterday.

This is madness.

We're on the bloody breadline,

and you're going fishing
with your mate!

- What do you want me to do?
- Cancel it.

I can't!
I can't do that to Roy!

You saw how happy he was
about this.

- It's the trip of a lifetime.

Can you even hear yourself?
You're a husband and a father.

Dad? Where are you taking that?

I'm just borrowing it.

To listen to some tunes
on my trip.

It'll remind me of you.
That OK?

You've taken the TV,
the radio,

and now you're pawning your
own daughter's record player?

What is wrong with you?

If you go, we won't be here
when you get back.

Oh, fuck you, Frank!

There we go!

- Thank you.
- Pleasure.

My brother says it was you
that broke into our flat.

Your brother thieved from me.

Why didn't you tell me?

Why didn't you tell me?

Weren't sure I could trust you.

Well, you can.

How can I know that for real?

I'll get your money back
for you.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

But you gotta let me
stay here with you.

I got parents and siblings.
Ain't no room for you.

Then rent a flat for me.
That's the deal.

Aight. I'll get my boy
Souljah to rig you up.

Yeah.
It should look good on a...

Yeah.

Well, the festival's on
your father's country estate.

So, what about a name

which evokes
the English country garden?

You know, like, um...
CountryFest.

Sounds like CuntyFest.

Sunset Gardens.

Sounds like a high-end hospice.

- Greensleeves?
- Toddler with a cold.

No, it needs to be
more rock'n'roll.

How about Rural Carnage?

No, I'm just picturing
some kids

caught in a threshing machine.

What about something
like Woodstock? You know?

Like, um... Poshstock?
Livestock?

Beefstock? Fishstock? Lockstock?

What's the U.S.P.
of this festival?

OK, um... I want it
to be inclusive

and, you know, uniting people,
um... exchanging ideas so...

Ooh. The Sharing Festival?

No, we'll only attract swingers.

We'll never get the lube
off the croquet lawn.

OK, Meditation Camp?
Mindfulness Camp?

- Contemplation Camp?
- Concentration Camp!

- I don't think so.
- No?

You know, naming things
is really hard.

It really makes me think twice
about having a baby.

Or a jewellery line.

So, we, um... we will need
to pitch the idea to Daddy.

Your father hasn't
given permission?

No, he doesn't know
anything about it yet.

Sorry, you haven't told
your father about the festival?

Well, you know, I wanted
to choose the right time.

You don't think
the right time was

before we spent two days
doing paperwork?

Yeah, alright Greg,
don't get pissed off with me.

You don't know my Dad.

He's a sweetheart, but we do
just need to pick our moment.

Pick our moment? We've
already picked the latrines.

Alright, Greg. I'll sort it.

Jesus! I will sort it!

Hey.

Remember that bag
that I had the night of...?

Look, I hid it here and
it's gone. Have you seen it?

Yo, are we good?

Yeah, I'm just trying
to get on with my work.

I called Daddy's secretary and
made an appointment to see him.

You have to make an appointment
to see your dad?

G, this is serious.
We're not ready.

- For what?
- You don't know my father, OK?

He is... Daddy, he's the best.

But in the past,
I have gone to him

with some bad business ideas.

Such as?

Tonic-flavoured gin.

Fluorescent ice cubes

so you can find your
tonic-flavoured gin in the dark.

Virtual fox-hunting for
posh people with a conscience.

I don't want Daddy to see this
as... as another one of those.

You know? I... I want...

I want him to see how serious I
am about the festival, you know?

I want him... I want him
to be proud of me.

He will be.

We can't even think of a name
yet, you four-eyed fuck-nut!

Sorry. Just... I got really
stressed there for a minute.

I just lashed out.

No, I noticed. Yeah. I mean,
it escalated pretty quick.

Well, I tell you what.
Look, don't worry.

Why don't we meet up later

and we'll come up with a name,
a whole presentation.

- Yeah, OK. Thank you.
- Yeah.

And I'm sorry for calling you
a four-eyed fuck-nut.

I've been called worse.

Such as?

Wank-sock with glasses.

Haunted pencil.

- Gollum's ugly brother.
- Mm.

Albino ET on stilts.
Pedo Harry Potter.

Look, don't listen to them.

You look nothing
like Harry Potter.

Is he gonna hurt my brother?

What the fuck are you doing?

Is he gonna hurt my brother?

He's gonna find a place
for you to crash.

Why does he need
a knife for that?

Give me the gun.
What are you gonna do?

Is he going to hurt my brother?

Put the gun down,
you little bitch.

Is he going to hurt my brother?

Oi, you little bitch.
I ain't saying it again.

Put the fuckin' gun down.

Call me bitch one more time
and I'll fucking shoot.

Don't come near me.

Psst... Myrna.

Dillard.

You have our checks?

- Is Beryl happy now?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- No. Beryl's got a new problem.

I fucking hate Beryl.

My father wants to meet
my new investor.

- What new investor?
- The one I made up

to account for this huge,
unexplained cash injection

into our business.

Why didn't you just tell him
you won it on the horses?

Yeah, "Hey, Dad, I know the
family business is in crisis,

"but, don't worry,
I just gambled everything

"on Lucky Jim
in the 2:15 at Kempton."

- What do we do?
- I don't know.

I mean, I can create some
fake paperwork or something.

But I can't create
a fake person.

Look, it's your dad.

Have you thought about
just telling him the truth?

Ha-ha-ha-ha. Yeah.

No, because my dad would call
the police on me himself

just to... just to teach me
a lesson.

If he needs to meet an investor
we need to give him an investor.

Yes, we do. Who?

Howard Cherry,
Cherry Investment Capital.

Very excited to be in business
with you, Mr. Halloran.

Well, we're all definitely
going to jail.

Hey!

What are you doing here?

I... I've done something
really bad and I...

OK, alright, calm down.

Tell me, what did you do?

What happened?

I shot Spider.
I don't know what to do.

Give me the gun.
Give me the gun.

Listen to me.
You can't go home. OK?

But where do I go?

Remember where we used to go
when we were younger?

Go there
and just wait for me there.

- Can't you come now?
- No. Not now.

- Please.
- I can't. I can't. I can't.

Just go there, turn off your
phone, don't chat to anyone.

Look, I'll come as quickly
as I can.

It's gonna be OK, Es.

I'll make it OK. Go.

Go on.

Will you help me with something?

What do you want?

- I want my money back.
- What money?

I don't have time to fuck about.

What have you done with it?

Who do you think
you're talking to? Huh?

I want it back.

It's not that simple.

Look, I want it back,

or I'm gonna hurt you and
I'm gonna hurt your family.

Get me the money by tomorrow

or I'm coming for you
and your family.

- Do you hear me?
- Yeah.

Look, that weren't
what it looked like.

- I don't want to know.
- Let me just explain to you.

I don't... don't want to know.

Can you handle being unpopular?

Never see your friends
and family.

Don't mind if I do.

I just found a weapon
hidden on the premises,

and I happen to know for a fact
it wasn't there yesterday,

which suggests to me

that one of you
put it there today.

Who was it? Was it you?

Why would I bring a weapon here?

The only thing I hate more than
violence is global warming.

And those trainers
with the toes.

Was it yours?

All my weapons are at home
for when the revolution starts.

What revolution?

When the people rise up and
revolt against their oppression

by government overlords
like you.

- When is this scheduled for?
- Any day now.

If you have an exact date,
you better tell me.

- She's winding you up.
- Oh.

Or was it yours?

Hm?

Or maybe it belongs to you?

- Of course not.
- Why of course not?

Not a crazy suggestion.

You're a criminal
like everyone else here.

Like Gabby said,
why would I bring a gun here?

How do you know it's a gun?

What?

All I said was
I'd found a weapon.

I didn't specify what kind.

Well... is it a gun?

Yeah.

But it could've been
a knife, taser.

Gun's a bit of a big leap
to make.

This is Bristol,
not South Central.

The only way that
you'd know it was a gun

is if you hid it there
yourself.

Or if you know...

who did.

Whose gun is it, Ms. Rekowski?

You can tell me
or you can tell the police.

And refusing to tell them

is accessory after the fact
and an obstruction of justice.

OK, then.

It's his.

Seriously?

Again?

Hello?

- Found my money yet?
- 'I'm working on it.'

Just dealing with
something else right now.

Listen. Our working
relationship is this...

I own a chain
of hot-dog stands,

and I pay people like you
to sell sausages.

So, tell me,
what's more important

than you selling
my fucking sausages?

Nothing. Just give me a few
days. I'll get your money back.

You already had two weeks
to bring me my money

and the guy who took it,
and I don't see either.

'If I get you the money,
does the thief matter?'

I want a head on a spike

so my competitors don't
get the same idea.

If it isn't his head,
it will be yours.

'So, yes, I would say
it matters.'

Clock's ticking.

We should reference
some of the brand partners.

Yeah, Daddy will definitely
want to know about brands.

- So, who are you thinking?
- In terms of brands?

- Yeah.
- All the big hitters.

♪ All I need is

♪ Co-ordination

♪ I can't imagine

♪ My destination

♪ My intention

♪ Ask my opinion

♪ But no excuse

♪ My feelings still remain

♪ My feelings still remain... ♪

Alright, Es.

Hey, hey.

- It's alright. It's OK.

- I thought I'd lose you.
- It's OK, it's OK.

It's over.