The Outlaws (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript

- Yeah, quiet today.
- Yeah...

Evening, guys. Be a force
for good, join the police.

Is joining the police force
a job for you?

Do you like
racially profiling people?

Are you a fan of frisking
young black men for no reason?

Do you like beating confessions
from the innocent?

Or being photographed
break-dancing at carnival

when you should be
doing your job?

If so, join the police today!

'Shopping in central Bristol

'was brought to
a standstill today

'as a woman working alone

'a police recruitment stall
in Broadmead Plaza.

'Police took 40 minutes
to seize the vehicle

'and arrest the driver who has
been named as Myrna Okeke...'

Ruth, look, more leftie
liberal terror on our streets.

'...and drove through
the busy shopping district...'

John, I think there's
someone in the house.

Probably the foxes
at the bins again.


Hey! Hey!

John! No!


I'd just be happier
if you called it a shovel.

Right, okay. And what time is
the garden tool protest...?

I gave you a full 48 hours.

What's your decision?

We're taking the money
to the police.

I rushed you, take more time.

No, we've made up our minds,

No, you've gone out of them.

Fine, take your cut
to the Dibbles if you want,

but one third is mine
and I'm keeping it.

No, it's all of us
or none of us.

What are we,
the Three Musketeers?

Listen, you keep the money
and the police come knocking,

we are all incriminated, okay?

So we're gonna collect it
from you tonight,

and we will turn it in.

Guys! we're standing here
in a moment

where everything about
our lives could change.

Let's just feel that
for a moment, huh?

Group hug.

You touch me, and I will beat
you to death with this shovel

and then bury you with it.

Group hug!

Oh, my God...

let's do porn star names!

So, it's the name
of your first pet

and the street
that you grew up on.

So mine... Flopsie Claypole!


- Misty Jutland.
- Oh, I love it!

John, first pet,
street you grew up on?

No, you're not having that,

they're my bank security

Oh, you are no fun.

- Never had a pet growing up.
- Then a neighbor's pet?

- Fluffy Lambsbottom.
- Oh, amazing!

- What's going on?
- We're doing porn star names.

So it's the name
of your first pet

and the street
that you grew up on.

- Hamster Highstreet.
- Sexy.

- Yeah.
- Rani?

- Rani?
- Um...

Tiddles Pendennis.

Yay! Greg?

Working out everyone's
porn star name.

Oh, um... I've always assumed
I'd be called Long Dong Silver.

You know, if I had to go
into porn.

Great. Well, that filled
two minutes.


Everything okay?

Rani, what's going on?

Some men came to my house
last night,

and they said
they'd kill my family.

Did they say who they were?

I know I involved myself in
this, I do, I understand that.

But at that moment
when he grabbed...

Rani, Rani!
Did they say who they were?

They were from the drug house.

They wanted to know
who robbed them.

- What did you say?
- Nothing.

I made something up
about the van being stolen

and then they left.

- Your parents?
- They weren't there.

I was alone.

Okay, and did you tell them?
Did you go to the feds?

I didn't snitch on anyone.
Don't worry.

Look, I just need to know

It was fucking terrifying,
they had masks on,

I couldn't see their faces.

so there's not a lot
I can tell you, okay?

I'm gutted you went
through that, I really am.

Look, I just need to know
what was said.

They said that
they would come back.

They're from London, alright.

They won't stick around
for long.

It's way too risky.
They won't be back.

I promise.

We're protesting
tonight outside City Hall.

It's about the rise
in hate crime

- totally ignored by the police.
- Oh?

Not just hate crimes,
though, is it?

People keep fly-tipping in
the woodland behind my house

and the police just
don't want to know.

- We'd appreciate your support.
- Who's "we", lovely?

Bristol Justice Collective?
Who are they?

Social activism group
I set up in 1980

- after the St. Paul's uprising.
- Oh!

By uprising,
she means riots, of course.

It wasn't a riot,
it was a spontaneous protest

against police racism.

With a bit of spontaneous
looting thrown in?

So kind of like
the Black Lives Matter marches?

Yeah, that's the tragedy,

40 years later,
we're still fighting.

And looting.

You can't disenfranchise
an entire underclass

and expect them not to revolt
against the capitalist system.

It's funny, though,
how these revolutionaries

always seem to target
JD Sports and the Apple store.

Books Etc. never gets
a look-in.

I guess they have
all the reading material

they need for the revolution,

they're just running low
on phones and trainers.

Look at it as a corporation tax
these companies don't pay.

You've been doing this
since 1980?

I really struggle
committing to a hair color.

Well, we have limited time
on this earth,

I just feel like
I should do everything I can

to try and make an impact.

Come along.
We start at 6:00.

And what time's the looting?
I could do with a new iPad.

- Is your name John Halloran?
- No, that's John Halloran.

Mr. John Halloran,
these belong to you.

What's this?

This is notice
that you've been served.

Mr. Darrel Kennedy
is suing you

for damages
and loss of earnings.

Are you joking?
Loss of earnings?

That guy's a thief!
He broke into my house!


No social visits!

- What does it say?
- That you beat up a youth.

He's suing you for
racially-aggravated assault.

- Oh! My! God!
- Don't!

Listen, racism has got
nothing to do with this.

There were two of them.

The only reason I beat up
the black guy

is cos the white guy
could run faster.

Which I wasn't expecting.

So all black guys can run fast?
Why's that?

- So they can outrun cheetahs?
- Absolutely not what I'm...

Racially-aggravated assault?
You are a disgrace!

Do you have kids?

- No.
- No...

I wanted to change the world,
not nappies.

So you don't know
what it feels like

when you'll do anything
to keep them safe!

I can imagine.

What does this mean legally?

Uh... best case,
it gets thrown out.

And worst case?

He takes you for everything.

Wow, guys. You really nailed
that one. I'm blown away here.

Yeah, we'll find him.


I'm off out
in a minute, actually.

I'm not staying, I just
brought you some casserole.

Has it got dairy in it?

- Does chicken count as dairy?
- No need for sarcasm.

- I'm lactose intolerant.
- Since when?

You been reading the leaflets
at the doctor's again?

You know I have a problem
with chronic wind.

No. We've been sisters
half a century,

this is the first I've heard
of your extreme farting.

- Are you okay, otherwise?
- Yep, I'm fine.

You don't need to keep
popping round and feeding me.

I'm not your next-door
neighbor's cat.

I just worry about you,
all alone.

I'm not alone,
I've got my group.

Speaking of which, I joined
a group you might like.

We go on hikes, although
they're more like long walks.

The guy who runs it
spent time in Los Angeles,

and apparently hikes are
a big thing in Hollywood.

- So was Harvey Weinstein!
- It's a lovely bunch of people.

There's an architect,
two accountants,

and a woman who once met
Tony Hadley from Spandau Ballet.

Wow! I bet that was a thrill.

Also, the guy that set up the
group, Marcus, is single,

has all his own hair
and teeth...

Yvonne! How many times?
I don't wanna be fixed up.

You need to meet people, Myrna.
You literally have no friends.

My group are my friends.

Just come along today.

I can't today.
I'm trying to end racism.

Well, if you get that done
by 5:00, give me a ring.

You've come all this way,

you might as well leave
the casserole.

- Bye, then!
- See you.

Your dad told me,
in no uncertain terms,

to stick my offer
"up my feckin' arse".

Well, that was
before my turn.

Does he know about this meeting?

I don't need permission
from my father, Graham.

I run things now.

And how bad are things?

Oh, now, it's nothing like that.
Dad's retired, you know?

I wanna spend more time
with the kids...

Oh, don't bullshit
a bullshitter!

I heard you had some
Chinese company sniffing around.

That's absolutely true.

But I'm not gonna do business
with the Chinese.

I still haven't forgiven them
for coronavirus.

Listen, Graham, uh...

We both know that 40% is
a very generous offer,

but I am gonna need
a quick answer on this.

Well, I would say
I am feeling very... positive

- about this idea.
- Good, that's great.

But the question is...
is your dad?

Let me worry about my dad.

What are doing here, Myrna?

There's a demonstration tonight,
Claire. I'm here to demonstrate.

You're not part
of the group anymore.

It's my group.
I started the group.

Myrna, there was a vote.

Oh, yeah. "The vote"!

Two summers ago,
we were tearing down statues!

10,000 of us
marched through town.

- What happened to you all?
- What happened is...

...we all vetoed your plan,
and you did it anyway.

Someone needed to do something.

And what did stealing
a police caravan do,

except cause a tailback
on the A38?

So what is your plan?

You really think
that you're gonna get rid

of centuries
of discrimination

by standing on a street corner
holding that?

We got a lot of honks
at the last demo.

Activism means being active.

It's what gets you noticed.

The marches got us noticed.

That's why we are this close
to getting a council grant,

which means an actual
seat at the table.

Where you will have to sit up
straight, eat your greens,

and only speak
when you're spoken to.

No! Where we will be able
to make real systemic change.

Now, I know this is
a new idea to you,

but it's called cooperation.

It's called collaboration.

Trashing council offices
and throwing paint over cops,

and all your other stunts
aren't changing anything.

It's what we did in the 80s,

It's not the 80s anymore!

The problems are
still the same!

Because you didn't change

You're not part of this group

Please leave.

'People, it is happening!'

After all the talk,
finally getting the ball rolling

on my festival...

'Got the G-Man here,
my legal brainiac,

'helping me with the paperwork,
so what's up, G?'

- 'Hello.'
- 'Yeah...'

You know, a wise woman
once said to me,

"We only get one chance

"to make as big an impact
as we can in life."

'But that's why this festival
is so important.'

Cos for me it's a chance to...
well, raise money for charity,

but also to put out something
positive instead of negative

into the world.

'To create a space
where we can connect

'and spread love and hope.

'How does that sound, G?'

- 'Sick!'
- 'Yeah! Love you. Bye!'

Have you read this?

Yeah, I mean,
I wouldn't say in full...

We've got to fill in forms
on premises licenses,

alcohol and beverage licenses,
PRS and PPL licenses...

Hmm... God, so many licenses.

But the deadline's tomorrow.

Then we're just in the nick
of time, hashtag blessed.

I wouldn't say 'hashtag
blessed' is the hashtag.

Then we'll have to pull
an all-nighter.

- We're gonna need cocaine.
- No.


- Unless you've got some.
- No, I haven't got any cocaine.

No, good.
Good, right...

So what can I do to help?

Why don't you start
with health and safety?

What, like pill testing?

Make sure it's legit
before you drop it?

No... Why don't you make a list

of all the health and safety

that you can anticipate
at the festival?

Kate Moss falling
in the koi carp pond?

- That sort of thing?
- Sure.

Start with Mossy in the pond,
and we'll build from there.


- I'll be in touch.
- Yes, uh...

Mr. Halloran,
can we speak to you?

Yes, uh... Rachel. What's, uh...
Is there a problem?

There's been rumors that the
Chinese deal isn't happening.

And now Graham Hilgard was here.

No, he's... That's, yeah...

- Are our jobs safe?
- Yes.

Everything is fine.

You know we have to pay four
grand for the urinal troughs?

I'm not paying four grand
for a band I've never heard of.

No, the urinal troughs
are not a band,

it's the men's lavatories.

The men can just piss
in the woods.

Not according to
the regulations, they can't.

So much for Brexit
taking back control.

- How long have you worked here?
- Uh... 11 years.

- Fuck! Seriously?
- Yeah.

that would do my head in.

It does my head in.

Why don't you quit,
set up on your own?

I don't think
that's really feasible.

Darling, organizing my dream
festival shouldn't be feasible,

but... I'm doing it.

I feel like I'm doing
most of it.

- What are your dreams?
- Oh, I got loads of them.

I keep a list, actually,
on my computer.

Come on, then, let's see them.

- No.
- Please?

No, you'll just laugh at it
or something.

Greg, I won't laugh.
Come on.

"Greg Dillard -
Bucket List Dreams.

- "Travel on a private plane."
- Yes, please.

- "Stay calm during turbulence."
- If possible.

"Join the Mile High Club ."

Is it?

Are all your dreams
about planes?

A lot of them are
about planes, yeah.

But there's all sorts on there.

"Have a kitchen tap that
produces permanently hot water."

Have you seen them? Amazing.

"Become really good at
paintball with the nickname..."

The Punisher.

"Have a fling
with a supermodel."

"Take her to a wedding
or funeral

"where ex-wife will see her."


Darling, why didn't you say you
want to make your ex jealous?

I can introduce you
to supermodels.

- Can you?
- Oh, hell, yeah!

Models are all over music
festivals like flies on shit.

- Are they?
- You stick with me...

...and I will reduce
your ex-wife to tears.

Then you'll meet musicians
and go on private planes

with hot taps and then
you'll have amazing anecdotes.

Forever is composed of nows.

Ooh, who said that?

Alison in Accounts
has got it on her mug.

- I love it.
- It's good, isn't it?


- I'm excited about this.
- Me, too!

They always add up to 360,
depending on how many there are.

You're gonna smash this.

- You think?
- Hmm...

- So, we can...
- He's nice.

- Him. Peng or what?
- Uh...

Not your type?
Oh, yes, I know your type.

I don't have a type.

What are you like?
You're lusting after my brother.

No, I'm not.

So, do you want to know
this really cool math trick?

You get your shoe size and then
you multiply that by five...

How's it going?

Hi. Yeah, it's good, it's...
It's going really good.

Your sister's brilliant.

- What are you doing here?
- I came to walk you home.

- Since when?
- Since now.

Well, I wanna study
a bit longer.

But, uh... Rani's got
to get the bus. Don't you?

No, I don't. I'm fine.

No, no, no, you got that thing.

Oh, why don't you walk her
to the bus stop?

- You don't have to do that.
- Yes, he does.


A lot of flashers and pervs
hang around outside the library.

Famous for it.

I mean, I could walk you.

What a gentleman.

I'll come back
and pick you up after, Es.

Oh, hey, Sophie.

This is my ex-wife, Sophie.

Have you met my new girlfriend,

Where did we meet?
At a music festival I organized.

She's a model,
a professional model,

and human rights lawyer.

Don't cry, Sophie. Come on.

You knew it was over between us.

- What are we talking about?
- You wouldn't believe this...

...but Spencer has been to the
Festival of Music and Light,

as the original one in India
that inspired me.

- Has he?
- Changed my life, mate.

- Ever been to India, G-Spot?
- I haven't yet. Planning to.

Not really into traveling,
are you?

Although I see you do wanna
join the Mile High Club.

You know that takes more than
a toilet wank on Ryanair?

Yeah. Otherwise I'd already
be a member. That's private.

Speaking of music and light,

my friend Edgar has hired
a party boat,

I'm heading down there now,
if you want to come.

- Really?
- We're busy.

Surely you can man the fort.

Oh, I can man a fort
if you need a fort manned.

- What's the issue, then, mate?
- We're on a deadline, mate.

Edgar's brother is
a serious mixologist.

He does the best
pomegranate martinis.

Pomegranates are full
of antioxidants,

so maybe we should go for one.

We could, but we have to
organize a festival by tomorrow.

And remember the supermodels
and the private planes?

Yeah, but that'll get done.

Boat parties are
so much fun, Greg.

Come on, who said,
"Forever is composed of nows"?

It was a mug. Let's not
take advice from crockery.

I really could do
with a breath of fresh air.

I feel like I'm slowing us
both down. My head is just so...

- ...fuzzy.
- Oh, no!

Fuzzy heads are the worst.
Can I suggest a notion, mate?

We're good for notions, mate.

G-Force, why don't you crack on,
right, keep the pace up?

Let Her Ladyship pop out
for a breath of air,

couple of pomegranatinis
clears her head, okay?

She comes back here
twice as focused.

Is that alright, darling?

You're the boss.

I know this tiny speakeasy
where we can go and get some...


Let me be a part of this.

Myrna, no one respects you
more than me,

everything that you've done
and sacrificed,

but you've been shouting
for too long.

People stopped listening.

I can just stay in the back.

You've played your part.
It's time to step aside now.

And do what?

Enjoy the other things
in your life.


I don't have anything else.


Do you know this guy,
Ram Mohan Roy?

He campaigned for women's rights
in India around 200 years ago.

A pretty cool dude.

It still don't make
no sense to me, you know?

Why would somebody like you -

you must be at least
15 people's Phone-A-Friend -

steal stuff for no reason?

I dunno. I was trying to...
fuck things up, I guess.

But why would you wanna
fuck things up on purpose?


Sometimes it feels like
I'm living my life

behind a glass wall.

I can see the real world,
but I can't... can't touch it.

You know?

- Nah. not really.
- Oh...

It's like a bad version
of "Catcher In The Rye".

I heard about that book.
It's worth a read, yeah?

- Definitely.
- Okay.

So why are you doing
Community Service?


Are those the men
from my house?

Nah. Different.

Stop stop and search!

Stop stop and search!

Stop stop and search!

Stop stop and search!

Stop stop and search!

Come on!

You okay?

- What did those men want?
- It's complicated.

Don't worry,
they won't trouble you.

Oh, my God! Guys!
What are the chances?

- I knew I was right!
- About what?

Come on, you're riding the waves
together, sexy-time vibes!

No, that's just
friend vibes.

- Friends-with-bennies vibes!
- No, like normal friend vibes.

Okay, okay, okay, I get it.

I'll go, leave you guys
to splice the mainbrace,

as they say.

No one says that! And we're
not splicing any braces!

Oh-oh-oh, I wonder
what this is, eh?

Oh, that is fantastic.

The same one Ernie Els
is paid to use.

- Wow.
- And it's engraved.

Oh, yeah.

"To Grandda... Fore!"

That is beautiful.
Thank you, my darlings.

Well, I think you'd
better hang onto this.

In case you have
any more intruders.

- John!
- I'm joking.

I know, but...
he's still a person.

I wouldn't feel sorry for him,

He broke into your home.

Yes, but... we don't know
his circumstances.

Let me tell you
about these people, Ruth.

Yes, some of them have
had it tough, I'm sure.

But that does not give them
the right to whine and bellyache

and take what they want from the
rest of us who've worked for it.

You know, Dad came from nothing.

- Never stole a penny.
- Hmm...

I know. I'm just saying...

you didn't have to beat the boy
half to death.

He was defending his home,
like I raised him to.

I just think there are
other ways than violence.

Like what?

What do you want your husband
to do the next time,

just so he knows?

What Dad's saying is...

You don't need to speak for me.

What if one of these sort
broke in right now?

What should he do? Stand back?
Let you and the girls be raped?

- Or murdered?
- Dad...

Should he stand back
and do nothing?

No. Of course not.


Well, then, we agree
he did the right thing.

- Here's your birthday cake.
- Is that for me?

Oh, that is beautiful.

- Did you make that?
- Yes!

No way.

No way!

Uh... everyone, this is Myrna,
my big sister.

- Hi, Myrna.
- Alright.

Oh, this is Marcus.
It's his group.

- Nice to meet you.
- And you.

Your sister says nothing
but lovely things about you.

She says the same about you.

So you all drove here,
to then go for a walk?

That's right.

- Coming or what?
- I'm coming!

Now, listen Dad,
have you, uh...

...given any thought
to contingencies?

- Contingencies?
- Yeah. You know...

For any reason the Chinese deal
went south or...

Why would the Chinese deal
go south?

- Have they said something?
- No. No, but, you know...

I mean, Christ, we're dealing
with communists.

You've always told me
to have a contingency.

Not with the Chinese.
It's too risky.

I think they'll be tapping
our phones, as it is.

If they get wind we're trying
to dance with other girls,

they won't come to the hop
at all.


It's just, you know...

if we did want another girl's
phone number in our back pocket,

we've had interest.

- From who?
- Graham Hilgard.

Away shite with your
Graham Hilgard!

- Dad, he has the capital.
- I'll be six foot under

before Hilgard sticks
his todger in my business!

'Our' business, Dad. Sticks his
todger in 'our' business, okay?

- You've retired.
- I haven't retired!

Well, whatever you want
to call it. I run things.

You couldn't run
a fucking bath!

For once in my life,

it'd be nice if I got a bit
of credit for the work I do.

You haven't done a day's work
in your life!

How did I earn all this?

I earned all this!
You're welcome!

Hilgard is not a conversation.

End of this one.

Right... follow that.

Thing about
Tony Hadley is,

he's not just a great singer,
he's also a bloody nice bloke.

And I like the message
in "Gold".

♪ Always believe
in your soul... ♪

My friends fancied the Kemp

but I always thought
Tony Hadley was the sexy one.

Yeah. I wouldn't mind getting
a bit New Romantic with Tony!

Shame he's a bloody Tory.

Why, are Tories supposed
to be bad in bed?

Probably. Only they know
how to fuck is this country.


Uh... where are we walking to,

Just back to where we started.


If you do a lot of walking,
you should get sponsorship.

Or walk to Downing Street,
hand in a petition.

The group's just meant
to be a bit of fun, really.

But... what's the point?

Life is heavy enough, as it is.

What I love about walking is
it doesn't need a point.

- It's a pleasure in itself.
- Yeah, but...

if something has no point,
then it is... pointless.

I mean, do you wanna
waste your life

literally walking around
in circles?

- You might as well be dead.
- Myrna!

No, I'm not having a go,
I'm just saying.

We could be using this time
to do something real.

Why can't we just enjoy
a quiet stroll?

Because while you're having
a nice stroll,

35% of ethnic minorities
are living in poverty.

I'd have thought
it'd be much higher.

The group is not really
political, Myrna.

Everything is political, love.

Hmm! Hmm! Primo banger!

How are things going
with Greggy?

- Oh, he is so sweet.
- Such a sweet guy, deffo.

I think he's had
quite a sheltered life.

He thought MDMA
was a mixed martial art.

He's so out of touch.

He thinks Cardi B is
his second-favorite cardigan.


I think that's why Greg Foo
Yung's never been promoted.

How do you mean?

Well, my flaw is that
I'm too aggressive

in getting the very best
for my client.

But I watch Greg at work,
and he's just out of his depth.

Yeah. He has told us about
the Cupboard of Chaos.

What's the, uh...
Cupboard of Chaos?

Oh, God... that is savage!
Where did you get this?

- It's just my usual.
- Oh, darling, it's rough!

Such pub dust. Urgh!
Is it the only shit onboard?

- Yeah.
- Oh, no.

No way.
We can do better than that.

I have a guy, I met him
in a club, he has this...

...this spider tattoo
across half his face.

- He's such a sweet guy.
- Amazing.

- 'Hello?'
- Hi, lovely, how's it going?

Are you on the way back?

'Darling, why don't you
take a break?'

Come on, just hop in an Uber
and get down here.

- We don't have time.
- 'Yes, we do, Greg.'

I am the boss.
I want you to come down here.

We'll have one drink and then
we'll get back to it recharged.

- Okay, fine.
- Yay! Alright, darling.

Oh, can I ask you a favor? Can
you pick something up for me...?

Hi, chap.

Look, I don't wanna seem
like Adolf Funsponge,

but this is my friend
Edgar's party,

and no one recognizes you.

Oh, well, we're friends
with Lady Gabby.

Oh, oh... Cool, cool!

Well, I'm Spencer.
What are your names?

My name is Yolanda,
and this is Rafe.

Your face rings a bell, Rafe.

- How do you know Lady Gabby?
- Oh, I...

Rafe, you know...
he's her interior designer.

That's a fucking coincidence,
cos I just bought my own place

and I'm really looking
to stamp my own mark on it.

- What's hot this season?
- Rafe, what is hot this season?

- Uh... what, this season?
- This season, yeah.

This season's all about
leather wallpaper.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Hmm...
- Oh... make a note.

This season, it's all
about leather wallpaper.

- What do you do, Yolanda?
- Yoyo...

She's, uh... she's in porn.

- Porn?
- Yeah.

She goes by Misty Jutland.
Hmm... don't you?

Yeah. I've done a lot of work
with Long Dong Silver.

- You don't really work in porn.

Oh, my God! We have to go
and dance! Come on, Rafe!

You bloody love ABBA,
don't you?

- Do I?
- Yeah.

He's seen "Mamma Mia"
nine times.



- Hiya. Can I have a word?
- What's up?

The group have asked me
to ask you... leave.

Leave? Why?

You told Marcus
he was a race traitor

cos he liked the music
of Michael Bolton.

Michael Bolton stole his entire
singing style from Black R&B.

You called Susan
a puppet of capitalism.

- She is.
- She works part-time at IKEA.

Why do you have to do this
all the time?

Do what?

Act like the Angry Black Woman.

It's not an act. I've got
a lot to be angry about.

So do I. We grew up together,
we took the same shit.

I work things through,
I let things go.

Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't.

I have to.
I don't wanna end up like you.

Which is like what?

A lonely, balled-up fist
of fossilized rage.

I quite like that.
Can you put it on a T-shirt?

I'm sorry, but can you leave
the group, please?

How? I've gotta walk this way
to get back!

Yo! Hiya...


Sorry to interrupt. I'm sure
you're absolutely snowed under.

A friend of mine said, uh...
that she'd called ahead.

I was supposed to pick up
her prescription.

Which I'm beginning to realize
is not for Gaviscon Extra.

You undi?

- Am I what, sorry?
- Undi. Undercover police.

Oh, me? No, no. I'm a lawyer.

Civil litigation mainly,
but some contract law.

Prescriptions are 80 quid.

Oh, my friend didn't say
anything about money.

Well, why don't you take
the product

and come back with the money
when it's convenient?

Oh, great. Thank you.
Brilliant. I appreciate that.

I'm not playing, bruv.
Have you got the Ps?

By Ps, you mean...?

Ps, paper, Cheddar, folding...

Yeah, that's not helping.

If anything,
that's muddying the water.

- The money.
- Money... okay.


One second...

- Uh... I could do 60.
- Don't give it to me!

No. Okay.

I'm very confused, cos just now
you were talking about money

and you seemed like you wanted
some for the product,

and there it is,
and now you don't want it.

Give it to him.

Who's he,
the work experience kid? Ha-ha!

You should've said,
"Say hello to my little friend."

Have you seen that film

No? You'd like it.
It's about drug d...

About, uh... What is it about?
I can't even remember.

Excuse me. I was told
to give you this money.

- Wait here.
- Yep.

He's not coming back, is he?

♪ So you're still thinking of me

♪ Just like I know you should

♪ I cannot give you everything

♪ You know I wish I could

♪ I'm so high at the moment

♪ I'm so caught up in this

♪ Yeah, we're just
young, dumb and broke

♪ But we still got love to give
while we're young, dumb

♪ Young, young, dumb and broke

♪ Young, dumb, young, young,
dumb and broke...

We have to use the photo booth.


♪ Young, dumb, broke
high school kids

♪ We have so much in common

♪ We argue all the time... ♪

I'll just get my shoes.

Yeah, no, uh... listen.
I've, uh...

I've changed my mind.

- No!
- I need the money.

No. It's all of us
or none of us.

You know, my dad came
to this country

with five bob in his pocket

back when there were signs
everywhere that said,

"No Blacks, no dogs,
no Irish."

You don't have to remind me.

He worked the road,
the building sites, gas lines,

he grafted every day God gave
to make something of himself.

If I don't take this money,
everything he ever worked f...

...everything he ever
worked for is gone.

- It's a crime.
- What's a crime?

Keeping people in work?

You ignore the law
when it suits you, don't you?

Not when it comes
to stealing money.

You know everyone steals
these days, yeah?

That's why small businesses
like mine pay more tax

than these giant tech companies.

You're just bitter that you
don't have the same accountant!

Oh, no, no, excuse me.

If I'm bitter, it's because
we have a government

that gives aid money
to third world countries

to build new factories while
mine can barely stay open.

- Here we go.
- Yeah, here we go!

You know we give millions
of pounds to India? India!

India has a space program.
We don't!

India is the world's
fastest-growing economy.

They don't need our help.
It's ridiculous.

It's like giving Mick Jagger
the winter fuel allowance.

You are a capitalist,

you know the game
and so does your father.

Well, my father doesn't know
his business is about to fold.

Well, then,
you'd better tell him.

- I can't tell him.
- Why can't you?

Because all my life
he told me I was nothing,

and I'm not about
to prove him right!

Just take the money.

Go buy your collective
some uh...

T-shirts and vegan
sausage rolls.

My collective and I have...
parted ways.

- What, since this morning?

Fine. I don't care.

Take the money and go
Mother Teresa it up

in the slums of Calcutta.

I am not taking the money.

What else are you gonna do?

When's that phone
ever gonna ring, huh?

You're just gonna sit here
every day

eating fairtrade falafel
until you keel over and die?

You better hope the police find
your body before your cat does!

- You should go now.
- I heard myself say that.

- I apologize...
- I think you should go.

I hear you,
and I'm saying sorry.

- Go!
- For fuck's sake...


Hey, you made it!

Did you manage to pick up
my prescription?

Sorry, no. A 9-year-old kid
stole all my money.

Oh... you're an angel
for trying.

- Greggs Benedict!
- Spencer...

Darling, can you ask the boat
to pull in so Greg can get on?

Yeah, I've got a bit of rotten
news about that, I'm afraid.

I just spoke to the skipper
and we're full to bursting.

- I can't let you onboard.
- No, you're joking?

No, I'm gutted, mate,
absolutely gutted,

but it's a health and safety

Oh, my God. Well, you can
put that on the list.

I'm so sorry, darling.
What a nightmare!

Sorry, mate.



That was cold.

What was cold?

You ever heard
"No man left behind"?

Wait... you're not
an interior designer,

you're a doorman at Ergo.

I was at the Golf Pros
and Tennis Hos night

and you confiscated my chang!

Oh, Nadger!
We need to pull the boat in!

We got a couple of stowaways
that need to be thrown off!

Delete last note.

'Leather wallpaper deleted.'

Did Greggles come through
with the old marching powder?

No, a little kid
stole his money.

Oh, my God.
He's such a loser.

You know he hired
a prostitute, right?

And he still never
had a blowjob. Ha-ha!

Look, you should swap lawyers,
so we should swap numbers.

Put your deets in and I'll call
you tomorrow to arrange.

Yeah, sure, absolutely.

What are you...? What...?
That was my phone!

- What the fuck?

Nadger! Nadger!
Pull the boat in there!

Or have you got a net?

♪ So you're still
thinking of me

♪ Just like I know you should

♪ I cannot give you everything

♪ You know I wish I could

♪ I'm so high at the moment

♪ I'm so caught up in this

♪ Yeah, we're just young,
dumb and broke... ♪

I'm sorry.

It's fine.

I mean it, Greg,
I really am sorry.

What do you need me to do?

Just finish the health
and safety list.


- So how did it go with Rani?
- How did what go with Rani?

Come on,
I'm walking you home.

- Since when?
- Since now! Come on, let's go.

How do I find
a particular book?

Since when do you read?

Since when were you so nosy?

Which book?

"Catcher In The Rye".

I want another vote.


I didn't start this group to
see it weakened by compromise.

Real power comes from the
collective fight for liberation,

not from jumping into bed
with the very people

who wanna keep us down!

How many times do I have
to explain?

Without the council grant,
there will be no group.

- I can get us money.
- What?

I can get us enough money
to keep this group true

to the principles
I founded it on.

But I want another vote.
Right now.

If you win, I will leave and
you'll never hear from me again.

But if I win, we go back
to doing things my way.

It's still a democracy,
isn't it?

Or did you vote that out
when you got rid of me?

- Twelve to ten.
- In favor of?


Thank you.

Supper's ready now.
Stop that game, you two.

- Oh, I'm watching.
- Stop the game!

And don't speak to me
like that!

We're in the living room!

Hi, you must be Rani.


I'm Detective Sergeant
Lucy Haines

from the Bristol and Avon

And this is Detective
Sergeant Selforth.

Would you sit down, please?

You ever watch snooker?

Most racist thing on TV.

I've been watching
all tournament,

never seen a brother playing.

Not in the crowd,

not even the weird butler
who polishes the ball.

The white ball has no value,

the black ball has
all the value.

White keeps knocking
black down,

but... black keeps
getting back up again.

You said you wanted to talk?
Well, was it about snooker?

Cos I gotta get home
and cook my sister's dinner.

It's curried goat tonight.
You can't rush that, so...

I'm checking on a rumor
I heard.

See if it rings a bell, yeah?

I sent this brethren of mine
to stick up a crib

in Lawrence Hill.

He walks out with a mobile
phone, as requested.

But also, a big bloodclot bag
filled with stacks.

'I mean life-changing sums.'

But instead of sharing
the wealth,

greedy little bitch
keeps it for himself.

- Does it ring any bells?
- No. Where did you hear that?

- I got my sources.
- Well, they're wrong.

Why would they lie?

Cos they're trying
to play you, I dunno.

You saying I don't know
when someone's playing me?

I ain't saying you're being
played, just someone's trying.

Where's the money?

Can you confirm this is
your van, Mr. Rekowski?

It looks like it, yes.

Can you explain why,
in the early hours of May 14th,

it was present
at a drug house robbery?

I had a call-out.

A family with a young baby.

Their boiler went down
and they had no hot water.

- You can confirm this?
- Oh, yes.

I will fucking shoot you.

Where's the money?

Look, I don't know who's
giving you your information,

but they're lying to you.

There was no money.

You didn't think
to report this incident?

Wh... I just thought
it was kids misbehaving.

A man with a gun, being chased
by two men with knives...

that's not something
to call the police about?

You said this money's

How's my life changed?

You see any new jewelry on me?
New clothes?

Like you know me.
You know where I live.

Come to my house and search it
if you want.

I didn't want to get involved.

Jerzy's nervous
about the authorities.

Because he grew up
under communism,

every time there's
a knock at the door,

he goes and hides
his Rolling Stones records.

Look, I swear down
on my eyes, man.

There was no money.

Enjoy your curried goat.

I know it's late.

But you've been very helpful.
Thank you.

We can see ourselves out.

Why was my van
at the scene of a crime?

I don't know.

Don't you?

We just lied to the police
for you.

The least you can do
is tell us the truth.

- You believe him?
- I don't know what to believe.

London tells me
he stole the money.

But did he?

Or is London just saying that
so I owe London money?

I don't know
who's doing what to me.

I feel like a blind man
at a gang bang.

I don't why you're getting
your panties in a twist, bro.

Because if a bag of money
did go missing on my watch,

London puts a bullet
in all our heads.

And I got a fucking family
to feed.

If you die, the only things
that die are your goldfish

and your hydroponic
weed plant!

If I die,
so do five other people.

So what do we do, then?

It's what I'm saying...
I don't know.

Bruv, we focus on the sister,

He's got the money,
she'll lead us to it.



Let's get this madness
over with.

Change of plan.

We want our cut.