The Outer Limits (1963–1965): Season 1, Episode 16 - Controlled Experiment - full transcript
Two Martians, equipped with a device for controlling time, try to understand the human phenomena of murder. They choose a crime of passion in the lobby of a shabby hotel. But what seems like a simple assignment rapidly runs out of control.
We've got
to set it on hold!
Stop, you went
passed it.
There is nothing wrong
with your television set.
Do not attempt
to adjust the picture.
We are controlling
transmission.
We will control
the horizontal.
We will control
the vertical.
We can change the focus
to a soft blur
or sharpen it
to crystal clarity.
For the next hour,
sit quietly,
and we will control
all that you see and hear.
You are about to participate
in a great adventure.
You are about to experience
the awe and mystery
which reaches from
the inner mind to...
Who has not seen
the dark corners
of great cities,
where small
and shabby creatures
wander without purpose
in the secret corners
of the night.
Without purpose?
There are those
whose purpose reaches
far beyond
our wildest dreams.
Oh, good.
You've made it.
Did you have
a nice trip?
Horrible.
Well, the service
at these outposts
isn't always very good.
How long did it take you?
11 microseconds.
Well, that's not bad.
It's only
11 million miles.
It's supposed
to be instantaneous.
When I first came here,
it took me a full minute.
How do you stand it?
Outpost duty would
drive me mad.
Especially in the dregs
of the universe planet
like this one.
Atmosphere polluted
with microbes
and exhaust fumes,
not to mention
human beings
jabbering
and jostling. Yecch!
Well, I suppose
we caretakers
are really hermits
at heart.
We get into a little
hole in the wall
and send in our reports
year in, year out,
you know.
I must confess
I was a little bit nervous
when I heard
that control center
was sending down
a senior inspector.
Oh, yes.
Here are my credentials.
Oh, my.
It must have taken
a very superior intelligence
to get a rating like this.
May I examine yours,
please?
Oh, yes.
Yes, of course.
"N to the tenth power,
cubed minus omega."
You were born the martian
satellite of Deimos,
220 years ago.
Credited caretaker.
Assigned to outpost duty
on planet earth. Mm-hmm.
Yes, yours is
cube root of pi sigma,
but I'm afraid I can't work
that out in my head.
If you don't mind,
I'll take your word for it.
I was born on the martian
satellite Phobos
208 years ago.
Senior inspector,
solar system.
Control center told me
that I was to give you
100% cooperation.
They said something about
a controlled experiment.
I brought some very special
equipment with me
to use in direct
observation.
It's a miniaturized
temporal condenser.
It squeezes time.
Isn't that very dangerous?
Oh, very. That's
why they sent me.
It has to be used
very sparingly
and with great precision.
Otherwise,
you can rip a hole
in the space-time continuum
and release negative matter.
But why do they send
such powerful equipment
to a tenth rate planet
like earth?
Due to your reports
on atomic energy.
Ever since the earth
creatures started
to explode
atomic particles,
central control has
become very uneasy.
Oh, but it's nothing.
They only use it
to blow each other up.
Well, that's exactly
what interests
central control:
This process
of earth creatures
destroying each other.
This, um,
what is it called? Um...
Killing?
No, no.
That includes animals.
Um...
Murder.
Oh, murder.
Yes, of course.
It's so extraordinary
I can never remember it.
Yes...
Deliberate obliteration.
It's so fantastic,
happens only here on
this weird little planet.
Nowhere else in
the entire galaxy.
Well, it doesn't matter,
really.
They only murder each other.
Oh, what if it
becomes an epidemic?
What if it proves
to be contagious?
What if they start using
these atomic explosions
to murder each other?
You see, Mars does not
want earth to overheat.
We can't afford to
have a new supernova
radiating everything
to a crisp.
Tell me, are you going to...
Destroy the source?
We would prefer not to.
After all,
earth creatures,
they are a form of life,
even if
they are unspeakable.
No, I'm going to conduct
a controlled experiment
to determine
the exact nature
of this phenomenon...
Murder.
If it turns out
to be random
and, therefore,
relatively harmless,
except, of course,
for the victims,
then we should
probably let it go.
But if it proves
to be contagious,
a tendency to spread
and malignant,
well, then, I'm afraid
we shall have to close down
and find you
another outpost.
What is that?
Oh, it's just one of them.
He wants in.
Well, I'll hide
behind these coats.
No, it's not necessary.
He'll think you're
just another customer.
No, but I'm not entirely
used to them,
and I would
like to observe.
Perhaps you'd loan me
your communicator.
I'd like to
report my observations
to central control.
Yes, yes.
By all means.
Thank you.
Central control,
this is Phobos One
reporting from planet earth.
And am now in earth planet
outpost station
where an earth creature
has just entered.
Skull is of medium size
containing about 3,000 CCs
of so-called brain matter.
Ears flat, lying back
against the head.
No appreciable points.
No antenna of any kind,
but sensory
receptor openings
in the snout portion
and a set
of small beady eyes.
Oh, it's starting to speak.
What do you say,
Charlie?
Sorry, Mac,
we're closed.
So how come
you let me in?
What do you got?
I got a rebuilt
worth 40 bucks.
Huh. Nothin' doin'.
Um... well, I'll let you
have it for 30.
5.
Aw...
25?
Uh-uh.
OK. OK, 20 bucks.
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I'll give you 25.
15.
You'll take it?
Yeah, sure. It's
a good machine, ain't it?
Well, yeah. Sure.
All right.
There's your money.
There's your ticket.
What's goin' on
around here?
What do you wanna do?
You wanna call off the deal?
Oh, no. No. 25 bucks.
Hmm...
You are a good daddy.
I'll be seein' ya.
Yeah.
Transaction completed.
Earth creature
is now departing.
Phobos One, locking
receiver on standby.
Ooh.
Ah!
We usually don't
pay them so much.
They'd trample
the place down.
I just wanted to get him
out of here.
I was starting
to black out.
Well, you built up
a tolerance to it after a while.
It's the same with
the coffee and cigarettes.
Oh, that's the caffeine
and nicotine syndrome,
isn't it?
Yes.
As a matter of fact,
I have some here.
These...
Are cigarettes.
Cigarettes.
Yes. And over here,
I have some coffee perking.
"Perking"?
Yes. Look here,
why don't you come back
and try some?
Well, I don't know,
uh...
It is intensely
interesting.
There you are.
Now, uh...
First, a puff.
Puff.
Then a sip,
and that's all you need.
Mmm.
It is quite
stimulating.
Oh...
Better not go
too far first time out.
Hmm.
Now, let's get
down to business.
Um...
Contact martian
computer control.
Probability
division.
Probability division?
That sound like
top priority.
Yes, um,
they've been processing
the population
of this city for
over a week now.
There we are.
This is frequency
computer control.
You better speak to them.
Martian computer control,
this is Phobos One
assigned
to operation: Earth.
I have double-alpha priority
with probability division.
Please give me instructions.
Martian computer control
probability division
speaking.
You are to go
to longitude 7
point 1-6-3-7.
Latitude 1-7-3
point 1-7-6-1.
Grid 6, overlay 13.
Our analysis
of patterns
indicates a 99%
probability
that a murder
will take place
at 2324 hours,
7131 seconds,
1.131721 micro-seconds,
sidereal time scale.
We regret unable
to pinpoint this event
more accurately,
but we suggest that
if you are present
at the indicated
location
at the indicated time,
you will probably see
someone kill someone.
Did you get
the location?
Yes.
The lobby of
the Lookstel Hotel.
That's 2 blocks from here
and not a first-class hotel.
2324 hours, 7131 seconds,
1.131721 micro-seconds.
That's exactly
7 minutes earth time.
Martian computer control,
this is Phobos One.
Will you notify
central control
that we are on our way
to the scene of a crime?
This is Phobos One,
locking receiving
channel on standby.
Hurry.
Is she the victim?
I don't think so.
She's out of position
by about 7 feet,
6 and 4/100 of an inch.
Oh.
Is it the Bell Captain?
Perhaps, if he
moves this way.
No, it looks like to me
it's going to be
someone getting out
of a levitator.
Uh, elevator.
Oh, thank you.
If the victim's coming
out of the elevator,
then, obviously,
that young lady
has something
to do with it.
Better get identification.
Put a thought beam on her.
Locate her verbal centers
and get her name.
I'm getting her now.
Oh, my.
You rotten,
girl-chasing rat!
Nobody can pitch
a foul ball at this cookie
and walk away on 2 feet.
Did you get her name?
Uh, she's
greatly agitated.
We must have positive
identification of subjects.
This is a controlled
experiment.
Where's your science?
You've been
down here too long.
I can hardly get
a word in edgewise.
Then cut in right now!
We have only
30 seconds to zero.
Excuse me, my dear,
but what's your name?
That's no way
to probe identity.
Give me that.
State your name.
Yes, sir, buddy boy,
you've got some
tall explaining...
What?
What's my name
got to do with it?
I must be
losing my marbles.
What is my name?
Carla. Carla Duveen.
Uh, thank you,
my dear.
You're welcome.
Welcome?
Yes, sir,
I am cracking up.
All over the joint
in a thousand pieces.
That's what he's done to me.
Handing me a full-scale
nervous breakdown.
It's time for countdown.
Ahem. Recording tapes on.
Uh, yes, sir.
Just say affirmative, please.
Laser-beam monitor
channel open.
Uh, yes...
Uh, affirmative, sir.
Here we go.
10,
9,
8,
7,
6,
5,
4,
3,
2,
1,
Zero.
Bert Hamil!
Carla!
You're a two-faced,
no good,
black hearted two-timer!
Don't shoot!
Don't come
begging to me!
Take that!
Is that all there is to it?
That's it.
But it happened so fast.
I couldn't make
head or tail of it.
Well, it always
happens that way.
One of them gets upset
with the other,
and, uh, and...
Boom.
But there must be some
scientific explanation.
Well, you've got
the time converter.
Why... why not
run it back?
I'll turn it back
to countdown.
Uh, stand back
and close your eyes.
Every atom in this beam
is going to disintegrate
and reassemble.
Well, I can see why
it should be used
sparingly.
Recording tapes on.
Oh...
Affirmative.
Laser-beam monitor.
Affirmative.
10,
9,
8,
7,
6,
5,
4,
3,
2,
1,
Zero.
Bert Hamil!
Carla!
You're a two-faced,
no good,
black-hearted two-timer.
Don't shoot.
Don't come
begging to me!
Take that!
I can't make
anything out of it.
Well, there's
nothing to make.
It's their way of life.
Bang. You're dead.
But there must be some way
to get a semblance
of cause and effect
out of it.
I mean, the way
they go at it,
it's just
a random collision.
That's it.
Deimos, you're forgetting
that you're a martian.
There's a scientific law
underlining all
physical phenomena.
You've got to admit
that's physical.
Drilling each other
with holes.
Yes, it is,
but what are
you going to do?
Run it backwards.
But won't that
put a hole
in the space-time
continuum?
This is
the infinite-permutations model.
It runs forwards,
backwards, twists,
warps...
Braids.
Really?
The only danger is...
Wearing out
the sample area.
Uh, stand back.
I'm going to reverse
the electron spin.
Any clues?
I'm observing
the spectators.
Oh, yes.
They're known as
innocent bystanders.
It's a tradition.
Each one tells
a different version
of what happened.
I can't make out the words.
Of course not.
It's, uh...
It's reverse English.
Oh, well, it's no use.
It goes too quickly.
There's only one way
to observe it properly.
Well, you're not
going to slow it down?
I most certainly am.
This is
a controlled experiment,
and I intend
to control it.
There's only one way
to get to the bottom of this.
We're going to conduct
a precise scientific
examination.
Now stand back.
I'm reversing the spin
and slowing down to point 7.
Countdown.
10...
We'll be here all night.
I just hope the atoms
don't start cooling.
Could it slow down
to a stop?
Possible, not probable.
9...
Well, can't you
speed it up
just to bring
the elevator down?
I want to examine
the young lady.
Oh, well, you can't
go out there.
Don't worry.
We're on different wavelengths.
8...
But won't the converter
slow you down?
No, it only coverts
during the flash.
From then on
it maintains a steady state.
My atoms will slip
in between the slower ones.
It's like running
through a slow revolve.
7...
They won't see you?
No, of course not.
Their brains and senses
pulse too slowly.
They may experience a slight
sensation like a thin fog,
but they won't notice it.
6...
I'll stay here.
Good. Keep an eye
on the dials.
Let me know when
the countdown hits ground zero.
Mmm.
Deimos?
Yes, sir?
Watch the dials
carefully.
I'm going to try to pick
up the murder weapon.
She won't notice
if it disappears
for a few seconds,
but it might be
hard to handle.
As the atoms
change speed,
they get slippery.
If you notice any
temperature change
above the red line,
call out.
You understand?
Affirmative.
4...
Oh...
What a primitive
mechanism.
No transistors,
no rays.
It just ignites.
Squirts a blob of lead
out of the nozzle.
Oh, and she seems
to have, uh...
Quite a few
certificates.
That's their currency.
I use it at the outpost.
3...
Annuit coeptis novus
ordo seclorum.
What does that mean?
It's a dead language.
Latin.
They use it
to impress each other.
And what is this bird
holding the vegetation?
Uh, nesting materials.
Symbol of the home. 2...
And this brick pyramid?
Also symbol of the home.
But it's got one eye
looking out of it?
Symbol of the homeowner.
1...
Who's the old lady?
It's an old man.
What does
it all mean?
Who knows?
Lobby. Zero.
Ugh, microbes.
He doesn't seem to
expect to meet anyone.
Oh, I... I wouldn't stand
in the way of the bullet.
It'll go right
through me.
Well, of course,
you know
all it takes
is one electron
knocking into
a nucleus
and you might go up
in a chain reaction.
Deimos, please.
I'm in charge.
I always observe
maximum safety regulations.
Yes, sir.
What's she doing?
Talking.
Slow motion.
Those shocks
must be air waves.
Certainly has
long, sharp teeth.
That red coloring
looks artificial.
It's a blend
of sheep-fattened perfume.
They call it lipstick.
Do be careful. She's going
to shoot any second.
Now what sort of expression
would you call that?
Nervous.
How odd.
He has some of that
lip coloring on his collar.
Why would he put it there?
Look out.
She's going to shoot.
Did you see the bullet?
No, it went by too fast.
Let's run that back.
I still can't see the pellet.
What are you
going to do?
Slow it down.
Clear down.
All the way.
Oh, but you won't
let it stop, will you?
If I'd want it to stop
I'd turn on the atomic power.
It has to be on
maximum hold,
or the electrons
fall apart.
I'm going down to element one
velocity for 3 seconds.
Oh, you are?
There! I saw it!
Hardly worth
the effort, I'd say.
Deimos, we're not going
to find out what the causes are
by standing here staring.
We've got to dig in.
But how?
You are going to make
some chemical tests.
Find out if it's caused
by some substance
in the bloodstream.
Well, suppose that
doesn't work. Then...
I am going to analyze
their psyches.
Take that!
And what did
your mother do then?
Mommy
spanked me and put me to bed.
And that made you
angry at Mommy?
No. At Daddy.
At Daddy?
Yes. Because
he let Mommy spank me.
I can't make
anything out of it.
There's
nothing here, either.
The only chemical change
is a flow of adrenaline
caused by shock.
There is
one thought wave
that stands out
above all the others.
The name of a female...
Evidently an associate
of the male's.
Quite a long name,
so I jotted it down.
Two-bit floozy
Betty Lou.
The first 3 words are
adjectives describing
a reactive condition
to Betty Lou.
Ahh. There's
only one problem.
Problem?
He doesn't know
anyone named Betty Lou.
I analyzed him clear down
to the Medulla Oblongata.
Jane, Joyce, Gloria, Mabel...
It goes on for 3 full
rolls of microfilm.
At least
he's partly right.
He did have another
female associate.
How do you know?
Lipstick on his collar.
You mean one of them placed
it there deliberately?
Oh, it's a famous clue.
It appears in
murder after murder.
Pack up your kit.
Where are we going?
I'm going to run him up
in the elevator,
and we're
going with him.
But one of us
has to stay here
and work
the time converter.
We'll set it
on automatic.
It'll reverse at
any point we pre-set it.
Hmm. Good thing
we checked.
It's overheating from holding
the electrons in one place.
It won't blow up,
will it?
Not at normal speeds.
We've got to set it
on hold!
Stop.
You went past it.
Tsk.
Quick, get in the elevator!
It's set to start in 10 seconds
and reverse back at 0-6-1.
What is he doing?
He's kissing her.
Well, what
is she doing?
She's kissing him back.
What does it all mean?
They all do it.
Every chance they get.
Oh, quick.
Before it reverses,
tune in on her name.
I beg your pardon, miss,
but would you mind...
Uh, I... I hate to intrude,
but state your name.
Oh, Bert. Bert, ohh.
Ooh. Ooh.
My name is Arlene.
Ooh... Schnabel.
Oh, Bertie!
Ah, Schnabel.
Well, one thing is clear.
This is not Betty Lou.
Therefore it has no connection
with the murder downstairs.
Do you suppose
the converter got stuck?
No. There it goes now.
Are you all right?
Yes. It's a good thing
we're not in the same
space-time continuum.
Tell me, are they kissing
forward or backward?
It's hard to tell.
Deimos,
I hate to admit it,
but this thing has me
completely baffled.
Well, all
due respect, sir,
there's really
nothing to it.
The only scientific
law that applies
to kissing and shooting
is the principle
of uncertainty.
But it can't be
completely random.
It has no symmetry.
It's...
Yes, but one gets used
to the eccentricities.
One even gets
rather fond of them.
Fond? What is fond?
Well, fond is, uh...
It's a feeling.
Deimos, pull
yourself together.
Yes, sir.
I will not
admit defeat!
There is
an answer to this,
and pure science
will find it.
Oh. Finished.
We're off.
Phobos!
Quick! The elevator!
Oh, right.
That was a close one.
You better have
one of these.
What for?
Ooh, they're very
soothing to the nerves.
I shall need some caffeine
to wash it down with.
Sir, I don't want
to say anything,
but we are slowing down.
Oh, that's all right.
I set it at half-speed.
Deimos, I've got it.
This experiment
is too controlled.
The only way
we can find out
the reason why they
exterminate each other
is to interfere.
Interfere?
Mmm. Knock the isolated
sample off the time track.
But you'd have to get permission
from control center, sir.
No. We'd only alter it
a little bit.
But it's against
regulations.
You might unravel
the entire universe.
Nonsense. We've got
to do something radical.
Yes...
Divert the sequence.
Please, sir,
don't interfere.
Central control will take me
off caretaker duty.
They'll send me
to an asteroid.
Please, sir, I don't
want to leave earth.
Stop sniveling,
Deimos.
I'm not going
to hurt anyone.
I just want
to see what happens
if there's
no murder at all.
Oh, no murder?
That'd be lovely.
Watch out. She's
firing the pellets.
Missed him by 6 feet.
Now, let's run it up
to forward normal.
You don't have to try
and scare me, Carla.
I know
I've been wrong.
Wrong?
I admit I... I went out
with another woman.
You admit it?
I had to test
my feelings, Carla.
I had to find out if
I was just playing a game
or if I really loved you.
And I can tell
you true, darling...
No other woman can
come up to your shoetops.
Oh, come on, Bert.
You know how I get
when you look at me like that.
You're all I want.
All I care about.
But...
What are you doing?
I'm asking you
to marry me.
What's he asking her?
He's asking her
to marry him.
It's part of
the biochemical pattern.
It's their
primitive equivalent
of our genetic
selector machines.
It's hard to see
the logic in that.
A moment ago,
she was shooting him.
It's a reflex.
Aww. Every chance they get.
Yes, it's harmless.
It's... it's not going
to blow up, is it?
No. That's an emergency signal
from control center.
Is the recording tape on?
Yes. Oh, affirmative.
We'd better contact them.
Give me
the communicator.
Control center?
This is Phobos One
calling from earth.
We've received
an emergency signal
on temporal
converter unit.
Please advise.
Over.
This is
martian control center.
Tape of your experiment
relayed through computers
indicates double-a
red alert emergency.
Probability division
will give you instructions.
Stand by.
Double-a red alert
emergency?
Why, that's the highest
priority in the galaxy.
Received you
loud and clear.
Standing by.
Phobos One, you have
exceeded your authority.
You have tampered
with a temporal sequence.
The space-time continuum
may be permanently damaged.
Oh, but, sir,
all I did was
to tap a lead pellet
out of its trajectory.
Fatal error.
Repeat, fatal error.
Computers predict
major disaster.
Disaster? How?
Male and female
are now together.
They marry
and produce male child.
Father tells child
of miraculous escape.
Child grows up,
believes it's immortal.
Child enters politics,
becomes dictator.
Starts atomic war in belief
it cannot be killed.
Atomic chain reactions
explode atmosphere,
blow up planet earth.
Radiation affects
entire solar system.
Destroys ecologic
balance of galaxy.
Galaxy collides
with Andromeda.
Computers unable to predict
beyond this point
due to overheating.
But, sir,
I can assure you,
it all looks perfectly
harmless from down here.
Pull yourself together,
Phobos One.
This is double-a
red alert emergency.
Your orders
are as follows...
Put it back
the way it was!
Let her shoot him?
Affirmative.
But it's not fair.
The orders are to see
that she shoots him.
Yes, but... ah!
Ahem.
Probability center,
this is Phobos One.
Orders received and will be
carried out to the letter.
We shall see to it
that she shoots him.
Proceeding at once.
Phobos One locking
receiver on standby.
Do you think we can
get away with it?
The orders are to see
that she shoots him.
Now, when I start it forward,
you hold it on slow motion.
It's starting to smoke.
Well, it has been
through rather a strain.
What about
the recording tapes
and the laser beam
monitor?
Jam it with
a little static.
They'll think
it's the overload.
Ready? Here we go.
Now, jam in the static.
Ah.
Now... Deimos,
you're a witness.
She shot him.
Indeed, sir.
Shot him dead center.
Now, we must turn it back
to forward speed normal.
Control center,
this is Phobos One.
We put the experiment back.
Shooting accomplished
as ordered.
Victim now on floor.
Turn off the recording tapes
and the monitor.
I'll complete my report.
Yes...
Affirmative, sir.
You don't have
to scare me, Carla.
I know that
I've been wrong.
I admit I... I went out
with another woman.
You admit it?
Well, I had to test
my feelings, Carla.
I had to find out if
I was just playing a game
or if I really loved you.
And I can tell
you true, darling...
No other woman can
come up to your shoetops.
Oh, come on, Bert.
You know how I get
when you look at me like that.
You're all I want.
All I care about.
But...
What are you doing?
I'm asking you
to marry me.
Aw. Tsk.
Every chance they get.
It's harmless.
This is Phobos One.
Temporal converter unit
burnt out.
Regret to report
controlled experiment
unable to discover
rhyme or reason
for earth creatures
obliterating each other.
Result suggests random
action with no pattern.
Recommend continuation
of earth as planet.
Also recommend
permanent assignment
of inspector to
earth caretaker post.
You're going to stay?
Phobos One locking
receiver on standby.
Yes, Deimos...
Yes, I think
I'm going to stay.
I'm getting
rather... Fond of it.
I, uh, I have
something for you.
Oh, no, thank you.
I, uh...
I have my own.
Well, I'll buy you
a cup of coffee.
Will you really?
Yes.
delightful.
Who knows?
Perhaps the alteration
of one small event
may someday bring
the end of the world.
But that someday
is a long way off,
and until then, there is
a good life to be lived
in the here and now.
We now return control of
your television set to you
until next week
at this same time,
when the control voice
will take you to...
to set it on hold!
Stop, you went
passed it.
There is nothing wrong
with your television set.
Do not attempt
to adjust the picture.
We are controlling
transmission.
We will control
the horizontal.
We will control
the vertical.
We can change the focus
to a soft blur
or sharpen it
to crystal clarity.
For the next hour,
sit quietly,
and we will control
all that you see and hear.
You are about to participate
in a great adventure.
You are about to experience
the awe and mystery
which reaches from
the inner mind to...
Who has not seen
the dark corners
of great cities,
where small
and shabby creatures
wander without purpose
in the secret corners
of the night.
Without purpose?
There are those
whose purpose reaches
far beyond
our wildest dreams.
Oh, good.
You've made it.
Did you have
a nice trip?
Horrible.
Well, the service
at these outposts
isn't always very good.
How long did it take you?
11 microseconds.
Well, that's not bad.
It's only
11 million miles.
It's supposed
to be instantaneous.
When I first came here,
it took me a full minute.
How do you stand it?
Outpost duty would
drive me mad.
Especially in the dregs
of the universe planet
like this one.
Atmosphere polluted
with microbes
and exhaust fumes,
not to mention
human beings
jabbering
and jostling. Yecch!
Well, I suppose
we caretakers
are really hermits
at heart.
We get into a little
hole in the wall
and send in our reports
year in, year out,
you know.
I must confess
I was a little bit nervous
when I heard
that control center
was sending down
a senior inspector.
Oh, yes.
Here are my credentials.
Oh, my.
It must have taken
a very superior intelligence
to get a rating like this.
May I examine yours,
please?
Oh, yes.
Yes, of course.
"N to the tenth power,
cubed minus omega."
You were born the martian
satellite of Deimos,
220 years ago.
Credited caretaker.
Assigned to outpost duty
on planet earth. Mm-hmm.
Yes, yours is
cube root of pi sigma,
but I'm afraid I can't work
that out in my head.
If you don't mind,
I'll take your word for it.
I was born on the martian
satellite Phobos
208 years ago.
Senior inspector,
solar system.
Control center told me
that I was to give you
100% cooperation.
They said something about
a controlled experiment.
I brought some very special
equipment with me
to use in direct
observation.
It's a miniaturized
temporal condenser.
It squeezes time.
Isn't that very dangerous?
Oh, very. That's
why they sent me.
It has to be used
very sparingly
and with great precision.
Otherwise,
you can rip a hole
in the space-time continuum
and release negative matter.
But why do they send
such powerful equipment
to a tenth rate planet
like earth?
Due to your reports
on atomic energy.
Ever since the earth
creatures started
to explode
atomic particles,
central control has
become very uneasy.
Oh, but it's nothing.
They only use it
to blow each other up.
Well, that's exactly
what interests
central control:
This process
of earth creatures
destroying each other.
This, um,
what is it called? Um...
Killing?
No, no.
That includes animals.
Um...
Murder.
Oh, murder.
Yes, of course.
It's so extraordinary
I can never remember it.
Yes...
Deliberate obliteration.
It's so fantastic,
happens only here on
this weird little planet.
Nowhere else in
the entire galaxy.
Well, it doesn't matter,
really.
They only murder each other.
Oh, what if it
becomes an epidemic?
What if it proves
to be contagious?
What if they start using
these atomic explosions
to murder each other?
You see, Mars does not
want earth to overheat.
We can't afford to
have a new supernova
radiating everything
to a crisp.
Tell me, are you going to...
Destroy the source?
We would prefer not to.
After all,
earth creatures,
they are a form of life,
even if
they are unspeakable.
No, I'm going to conduct
a controlled experiment
to determine
the exact nature
of this phenomenon...
Murder.
If it turns out
to be random
and, therefore,
relatively harmless,
except, of course,
for the victims,
then we should
probably let it go.
But if it proves
to be contagious,
a tendency to spread
and malignant,
well, then, I'm afraid
we shall have to close down
and find you
another outpost.
What is that?
Oh, it's just one of them.
He wants in.
Well, I'll hide
behind these coats.
No, it's not necessary.
He'll think you're
just another customer.
No, but I'm not entirely
used to them,
and I would
like to observe.
Perhaps you'd loan me
your communicator.
I'd like to
report my observations
to central control.
Yes, yes.
By all means.
Thank you.
Central control,
this is Phobos One
reporting from planet earth.
And am now in earth planet
outpost station
where an earth creature
has just entered.
Skull is of medium size
containing about 3,000 CCs
of so-called brain matter.
Ears flat, lying back
against the head.
No appreciable points.
No antenna of any kind,
but sensory
receptor openings
in the snout portion
and a set
of small beady eyes.
Oh, it's starting to speak.
What do you say,
Charlie?
Sorry, Mac,
we're closed.
So how come
you let me in?
What do you got?
I got a rebuilt
worth 40 bucks.
Huh. Nothin' doin'.
Um... well, I'll let you
have it for 30.
5.
Aw...
25?
Uh-uh.
OK. OK, 20 bucks.
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I'll give you 25.
15.
You'll take it?
Yeah, sure. It's
a good machine, ain't it?
Well, yeah. Sure.
All right.
There's your money.
There's your ticket.
What's goin' on
around here?
What do you wanna do?
You wanna call off the deal?
Oh, no. No. 25 bucks.
Hmm...
You are a good daddy.
I'll be seein' ya.
Yeah.
Transaction completed.
Earth creature
is now departing.
Phobos One, locking
receiver on standby.
Ooh.
Ah!
We usually don't
pay them so much.
They'd trample
the place down.
I just wanted to get him
out of here.
I was starting
to black out.
Well, you built up
a tolerance to it after a while.
It's the same with
the coffee and cigarettes.
Oh, that's the caffeine
and nicotine syndrome,
isn't it?
Yes.
As a matter of fact,
I have some here.
These...
Are cigarettes.
Cigarettes.
Yes. And over here,
I have some coffee perking.
"Perking"?
Yes. Look here,
why don't you come back
and try some?
Well, I don't know,
uh...
It is intensely
interesting.
There you are.
Now, uh...
First, a puff.
Puff.
Then a sip,
and that's all you need.
Mmm.
It is quite
stimulating.
Oh...
Better not go
too far first time out.
Hmm.
Now, let's get
down to business.
Um...
Contact martian
computer control.
Probability
division.
Probability division?
That sound like
top priority.
Yes, um,
they've been processing
the population
of this city for
over a week now.
There we are.
This is frequency
computer control.
You better speak to them.
Martian computer control,
this is Phobos One
assigned
to operation: Earth.
I have double-alpha priority
with probability division.
Please give me instructions.
Martian computer control
probability division
speaking.
You are to go
to longitude 7
point 1-6-3-7.
Latitude 1-7-3
point 1-7-6-1.
Grid 6, overlay 13.
Our analysis
of patterns
indicates a 99%
probability
that a murder
will take place
at 2324 hours,
7131 seconds,
1.131721 micro-seconds,
sidereal time scale.
We regret unable
to pinpoint this event
more accurately,
but we suggest that
if you are present
at the indicated
location
at the indicated time,
you will probably see
someone kill someone.
Did you get
the location?
Yes.
The lobby of
the Lookstel Hotel.
That's 2 blocks from here
and not a first-class hotel.
2324 hours, 7131 seconds,
1.131721 micro-seconds.
That's exactly
7 minutes earth time.
Martian computer control,
this is Phobos One.
Will you notify
central control
that we are on our way
to the scene of a crime?
This is Phobos One,
locking receiving
channel on standby.
Hurry.
Is she the victim?
I don't think so.
She's out of position
by about 7 feet,
6 and 4/100 of an inch.
Oh.
Is it the Bell Captain?
Perhaps, if he
moves this way.
No, it looks like to me
it's going to be
someone getting out
of a levitator.
Uh, elevator.
Oh, thank you.
If the victim's coming
out of the elevator,
then, obviously,
that young lady
has something
to do with it.
Better get identification.
Put a thought beam on her.
Locate her verbal centers
and get her name.
I'm getting her now.
Oh, my.
You rotten,
girl-chasing rat!
Nobody can pitch
a foul ball at this cookie
and walk away on 2 feet.
Did you get her name?
Uh, she's
greatly agitated.
We must have positive
identification of subjects.
This is a controlled
experiment.
Where's your science?
You've been
down here too long.
I can hardly get
a word in edgewise.
Then cut in right now!
We have only
30 seconds to zero.
Excuse me, my dear,
but what's your name?
That's no way
to probe identity.
Give me that.
State your name.
Yes, sir, buddy boy,
you've got some
tall explaining...
What?
What's my name
got to do with it?
I must be
losing my marbles.
What is my name?
Carla. Carla Duveen.
Uh, thank you,
my dear.
You're welcome.
Welcome?
Yes, sir,
I am cracking up.
All over the joint
in a thousand pieces.
That's what he's done to me.
Handing me a full-scale
nervous breakdown.
It's time for countdown.
Ahem. Recording tapes on.
Uh, yes, sir.
Just say affirmative, please.
Laser-beam monitor
channel open.
Uh, yes...
Uh, affirmative, sir.
Here we go.
10,
9,
8,
7,
6,
5,
4,
3,
2,
1,
Zero.
Bert Hamil!
Carla!
You're a two-faced,
no good,
black hearted two-timer!
Don't shoot!
Don't come
begging to me!
Take that!
Is that all there is to it?
That's it.
But it happened so fast.
I couldn't make
head or tail of it.
Well, it always
happens that way.
One of them gets upset
with the other,
and, uh, and...
Boom.
But there must be some
scientific explanation.
Well, you've got
the time converter.
Why... why not
run it back?
I'll turn it back
to countdown.
Uh, stand back
and close your eyes.
Every atom in this beam
is going to disintegrate
and reassemble.
Well, I can see why
it should be used
sparingly.
Recording tapes on.
Oh...
Affirmative.
Laser-beam monitor.
Affirmative.
10,
9,
8,
7,
6,
5,
4,
3,
2,
1,
Zero.
Bert Hamil!
Carla!
You're a two-faced,
no good,
black-hearted two-timer.
Don't shoot.
Don't come
begging to me!
Take that!
I can't make
anything out of it.
Well, there's
nothing to make.
It's their way of life.
Bang. You're dead.
But there must be some way
to get a semblance
of cause and effect
out of it.
I mean, the way
they go at it,
it's just
a random collision.
That's it.
Deimos, you're forgetting
that you're a martian.
There's a scientific law
underlining all
physical phenomena.
You've got to admit
that's physical.
Drilling each other
with holes.
Yes, it is,
but what are
you going to do?
Run it backwards.
But won't that
put a hole
in the space-time
continuum?
This is
the infinite-permutations model.
It runs forwards,
backwards, twists,
warps...
Braids.
Really?
The only danger is...
Wearing out
the sample area.
Uh, stand back.
I'm going to reverse
the electron spin.
Any clues?
I'm observing
the spectators.
Oh, yes.
They're known as
innocent bystanders.
It's a tradition.
Each one tells
a different version
of what happened.
I can't make out the words.
Of course not.
It's, uh...
It's reverse English.
Oh, well, it's no use.
It goes too quickly.
There's only one way
to observe it properly.
Well, you're not
going to slow it down?
I most certainly am.
This is
a controlled experiment,
and I intend
to control it.
There's only one way
to get to the bottom of this.
We're going to conduct
a precise scientific
examination.
Now stand back.
I'm reversing the spin
and slowing down to point 7.
Countdown.
10...
We'll be here all night.
I just hope the atoms
don't start cooling.
Could it slow down
to a stop?
Possible, not probable.
9...
Well, can't you
speed it up
just to bring
the elevator down?
I want to examine
the young lady.
Oh, well, you can't
go out there.
Don't worry.
We're on different wavelengths.
8...
But won't the converter
slow you down?
No, it only coverts
during the flash.
From then on
it maintains a steady state.
My atoms will slip
in between the slower ones.
It's like running
through a slow revolve.
7...
They won't see you?
No, of course not.
Their brains and senses
pulse too slowly.
They may experience a slight
sensation like a thin fog,
but they won't notice it.
6...
I'll stay here.
Good. Keep an eye
on the dials.
Let me know when
the countdown hits ground zero.
Mmm.
Deimos?
Yes, sir?
Watch the dials
carefully.
I'm going to try to pick
up the murder weapon.
She won't notice
if it disappears
for a few seconds,
but it might be
hard to handle.
As the atoms
change speed,
they get slippery.
If you notice any
temperature change
above the red line,
call out.
You understand?
Affirmative.
4...
Oh...
What a primitive
mechanism.
No transistors,
no rays.
It just ignites.
Squirts a blob of lead
out of the nozzle.
Oh, and she seems
to have, uh...
Quite a few
certificates.
That's their currency.
I use it at the outpost.
3...
Annuit coeptis novus
ordo seclorum.
What does that mean?
It's a dead language.
Latin.
They use it
to impress each other.
And what is this bird
holding the vegetation?
Uh, nesting materials.
Symbol of the home. 2...
And this brick pyramid?
Also symbol of the home.
But it's got one eye
looking out of it?
Symbol of the homeowner.
1...
Who's the old lady?
It's an old man.
What does
it all mean?
Who knows?
Lobby. Zero.
Ugh, microbes.
He doesn't seem to
expect to meet anyone.
Oh, I... I wouldn't stand
in the way of the bullet.
It'll go right
through me.
Well, of course,
you know
all it takes
is one electron
knocking into
a nucleus
and you might go up
in a chain reaction.
Deimos, please.
I'm in charge.
I always observe
maximum safety regulations.
Yes, sir.
What's she doing?
Talking.
Slow motion.
Those shocks
must be air waves.
Certainly has
long, sharp teeth.
That red coloring
looks artificial.
It's a blend
of sheep-fattened perfume.
They call it lipstick.
Do be careful. She's going
to shoot any second.
Now what sort of expression
would you call that?
Nervous.
How odd.
He has some of that
lip coloring on his collar.
Why would he put it there?
Look out.
She's going to shoot.
Did you see the bullet?
No, it went by too fast.
Let's run that back.
I still can't see the pellet.
What are you
going to do?
Slow it down.
Clear down.
All the way.
Oh, but you won't
let it stop, will you?
If I'd want it to stop
I'd turn on the atomic power.
It has to be on
maximum hold,
or the electrons
fall apart.
I'm going down to element one
velocity for 3 seconds.
Oh, you are?
There! I saw it!
Hardly worth
the effort, I'd say.
Deimos, we're not going
to find out what the causes are
by standing here staring.
We've got to dig in.
But how?
You are going to make
some chemical tests.
Find out if it's caused
by some substance
in the bloodstream.
Well, suppose that
doesn't work. Then...
I am going to analyze
their psyches.
Take that!
And what did
your mother do then?
Mommy
spanked me and put me to bed.
And that made you
angry at Mommy?
No. At Daddy.
At Daddy?
Yes. Because
he let Mommy spank me.
I can't make
anything out of it.
There's
nothing here, either.
The only chemical change
is a flow of adrenaline
caused by shock.
There is
one thought wave
that stands out
above all the others.
The name of a female...
Evidently an associate
of the male's.
Quite a long name,
so I jotted it down.
Two-bit floozy
Betty Lou.
The first 3 words are
adjectives describing
a reactive condition
to Betty Lou.
Ahh. There's
only one problem.
Problem?
He doesn't know
anyone named Betty Lou.
I analyzed him clear down
to the Medulla Oblongata.
Jane, Joyce, Gloria, Mabel...
It goes on for 3 full
rolls of microfilm.
At least
he's partly right.
He did have another
female associate.
How do you know?
Lipstick on his collar.
You mean one of them placed
it there deliberately?
Oh, it's a famous clue.
It appears in
murder after murder.
Pack up your kit.
Where are we going?
I'm going to run him up
in the elevator,
and we're
going with him.
But one of us
has to stay here
and work
the time converter.
We'll set it
on automatic.
It'll reverse at
any point we pre-set it.
Hmm. Good thing
we checked.
It's overheating from holding
the electrons in one place.
It won't blow up,
will it?
Not at normal speeds.
We've got to set it
on hold!
Stop.
You went past it.
Tsk.
Quick, get in the elevator!
It's set to start in 10 seconds
and reverse back at 0-6-1.
What is he doing?
He's kissing her.
Well, what
is she doing?
She's kissing him back.
What does it all mean?
They all do it.
Every chance they get.
Oh, quick.
Before it reverses,
tune in on her name.
I beg your pardon, miss,
but would you mind...
Uh, I... I hate to intrude,
but state your name.
Oh, Bert. Bert, ohh.
Ooh. Ooh.
My name is Arlene.
Ooh... Schnabel.
Oh, Bertie!
Ah, Schnabel.
Well, one thing is clear.
This is not Betty Lou.
Therefore it has no connection
with the murder downstairs.
Do you suppose
the converter got stuck?
No. There it goes now.
Are you all right?
Yes. It's a good thing
we're not in the same
space-time continuum.
Tell me, are they kissing
forward or backward?
It's hard to tell.
Deimos,
I hate to admit it,
but this thing has me
completely baffled.
Well, all
due respect, sir,
there's really
nothing to it.
The only scientific
law that applies
to kissing and shooting
is the principle
of uncertainty.
But it can't be
completely random.
It has no symmetry.
It's...
Yes, but one gets used
to the eccentricities.
One even gets
rather fond of them.
Fond? What is fond?
Well, fond is, uh...
It's a feeling.
Deimos, pull
yourself together.
Yes, sir.
I will not
admit defeat!
There is
an answer to this,
and pure science
will find it.
Oh. Finished.
We're off.
Phobos!
Quick! The elevator!
Oh, right.
That was a close one.
You better have
one of these.
What for?
Ooh, they're very
soothing to the nerves.
I shall need some caffeine
to wash it down with.
Sir, I don't want
to say anything,
but we are slowing down.
Oh, that's all right.
I set it at half-speed.
Deimos, I've got it.
This experiment
is too controlled.
The only way
we can find out
the reason why they
exterminate each other
is to interfere.
Interfere?
Mmm. Knock the isolated
sample off the time track.
But you'd have to get permission
from control center, sir.
No. We'd only alter it
a little bit.
But it's against
regulations.
You might unravel
the entire universe.
Nonsense. We've got
to do something radical.
Yes...
Divert the sequence.
Please, sir,
don't interfere.
Central control will take me
off caretaker duty.
They'll send me
to an asteroid.
Please, sir, I don't
want to leave earth.
Stop sniveling,
Deimos.
I'm not going
to hurt anyone.
I just want
to see what happens
if there's
no murder at all.
Oh, no murder?
That'd be lovely.
Watch out. She's
firing the pellets.
Missed him by 6 feet.
Now, let's run it up
to forward normal.
You don't have to try
and scare me, Carla.
I know
I've been wrong.
Wrong?
I admit I... I went out
with another woman.
You admit it?
I had to test
my feelings, Carla.
I had to find out if
I was just playing a game
or if I really loved you.
And I can tell
you true, darling...
No other woman can
come up to your shoetops.
Oh, come on, Bert.
You know how I get
when you look at me like that.
You're all I want.
All I care about.
But...
What are you doing?
I'm asking you
to marry me.
What's he asking her?
He's asking her
to marry him.
It's part of
the biochemical pattern.
It's their
primitive equivalent
of our genetic
selector machines.
It's hard to see
the logic in that.
A moment ago,
she was shooting him.
It's a reflex.
Aww. Every chance they get.
Yes, it's harmless.
It's... it's not going
to blow up, is it?
No. That's an emergency signal
from control center.
Is the recording tape on?
Yes. Oh, affirmative.
We'd better contact them.
Give me
the communicator.
Control center?
This is Phobos One
calling from earth.
We've received
an emergency signal
on temporal
converter unit.
Please advise.
Over.
This is
martian control center.
Tape of your experiment
relayed through computers
indicates double-a
red alert emergency.
Probability division
will give you instructions.
Stand by.
Double-a red alert
emergency?
Why, that's the highest
priority in the galaxy.
Received you
loud and clear.
Standing by.
Phobos One, you have
exceeded your authority.
You have tampered
with a temporal sequence.
The space-time continuum
may be permanently damaged.
Oh, but, sir,
all I did was
to tap a lead pellet
out of its trajectory.
Fatal error.
Repeat, fatal error.
Computers predict
major disaster.
Disaster? How?
Male and female
are now together.
They marry
and produce male child.
Father tells child
of miraculous escape.
Child grows up,
believes it's immortal.
Child enters politics,
becomes dictator.
Starts atomic war in belief
it cannot be killed.
Atomic chain reactions
explode atmosphere,
blow up planet earth.
Radiation affects
entire solar system.
Destroys ecologic
balance of galaxy.
Galaxy collides
with Andromeda.
Computers unable to predict
beyond this point
due to overheating.
But, sir,
I can assure you,
it all looks perfectly
harmless from down here.
Pull yourself together,
Phobos One.
This is double-a
red alert emergency.
Your orders
are as follows...
Put it back
the way it was!
Let her shoot him?
Affirmative.
But it's not fair.
The orders are to see
that she shoots him.
Yes, but... ah!
Ahem.
Probability center,
this is Phobos One.
Orders received and will be
carried out to the letter.
We shall see to it
that she shoots him.
Proceeding at once.
Phobos One locking
receiver on standby.
Do you think we can
get away with it?
The orders are to see
that she shoots him.
Now, when I start it forward,
you hold it on slow motion.
It's starting to smoke.
Well, it has been
through rather a strain.
What about
the recording tapes
and the laser beam
monitor?
Jam it with
a little static.
They'll think
it's the overload.
Ready? Here we go.
Now, jam in the static.
Ah.
Now... Deimos,
you're a witness.
She shot him.
Indeed, sir.
Shot him dead center.
Now, we must turn it back
to forward speed normal.
Control center,
this is Phobos One.
We put the experiment back.
Shooting accomplished
as ordered.
Victim now on floor.
Turn off the recording tapes
and the monitor.
I'll complete my report.
Yes...
Affirmative, sir.
You don't have
to scare me, Carla.
I know that
I've been wrong.
I admit I... I went out
with another woman.
You admit it?
Well, I had to test
my feelings, Carla.
I had to find out if
I was just playing a game
or if I really loved you.
And I can tell
you true, darling...
No other woman can
come up to your shoetops.
Oh, come on, Bert.
You know how I get
when you look at me like that.
You're all I want.
All I care about.
But...
What are you doing?
I'm asking you
to marry me.
Aw. Tsk.
Every chance they get.
It's harmless.
This is Phobos One.
Temporal converter unit
burnt out.
Regret to report
controlled experiment
unable to discover
rhyme or reason
for earth creatures
obliterating each other.
Result suggests random
action with no pattern.
Recommend continuation
of earth as planet.
Also recommend
permanent assignment
of inspector to
earth caretaker post.
You're going to stay?
Phobos One locking
receiver on standby.
Yes, Deimos...
Yes, I think
I'm going to stay.
I'm getting
rather... Fond of it.
I, uh, I have
something for you.
Oh, no, thank you.
I, uh...
I have my own.
Well, I'll buy you
a cup of coffee.
Will you really?
Yes.
delightful.
Who knows?
Perhaps the alteration
of one small event
may someday bring
the end of the world.
But that someday
is a long way off,
and until then, there is
a good life to be lived
in the here and now.
We now return control of
your television set to you
until next week
at this same time,
when the control voice
will take you to...