The Other Two (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 9 - Cary Pays Off His Student Loans - full transcript
As Brooke goes to extreme lengths to prove Lance isn't as selfless as everyone thinks, Cary obsesses over finding an award-winning role.
- Lisa, I'm headed out.
Thanks again.
- Oh, can't you stay
a few more hours?
I'm making bee pancakes.
- Um, no,
unfortunately, I can't.
I really have to get back.
- Well, at least say
hi to Meg and Mark.
They just got here.
- Oh, they did? Oh.
- Hello, Ms. Dubek!
- Oh, my gosh. Hi, Mrs. Dubek.
- Oh, it's so good
to see you kids.
And how nice you get to stop
by for a little breakfast
on your way to work.
- Oh, no, school's
out for the summer.
- And I just took off
because it's so nice out.
Figured we'd just hang out,
maybe get in the pool.
Oh, uh, Mom, they did
not have any Snickers
at the gas station, so
we got you a Milky Way.
- Oh, that's great. Thanks.
- Oh, and hey, these
were at my house.
- See, I told you.
- Well, your stuff
is better than mine.
- Well, I gotta say, you
two look exactly the same.
- Oh.
- And how are Brooke and Cary?
Are they still the same?
And I'm sorry, I
still haven't seen
Cary's new show, the "Wind" one,
uh, but all my friends
at work say it's awesome.
- Yeah, my friends say
it is so, so awesome.
- Oh, hey, if you guys do wanna
swim, we're out of sunscreen.
- Oh, I can run out to
Target and get some.
- I'll go with.
- Why?
Do you also need
something from Target?
- No, just to keep her company.
- That's nice of you.
- Come on, you.
- I'm not gonna make
you go to Target alone.
- You know what? I
think I will stay
and hang for a couple hours.
- Yay!
- Oh, yay!
Oh, and hey, how's Brooke?
She's an agent now, right?
- Or a manager? Sorry.
We're nothing like your kids.
Both: Neither of
us know a thing
about the
entertainment industry.
- ♪ I-I-I'm a winner ♪
- It's such bullshit.
Like, I'm the one
in the industry
constantly doing
good, and yet nothing?
He had to have hired
a publicist, right?
Brooke, it's 8:30 a.m.
How are we already at
a ten about something?
But yes, anytime anyone's on
anything, it's a publicist.
How do you think Greta Thunberg
got on the cover of "TIME"?
She hired me.
- Wow, really? What's she like?
- Well, first of all,
bitch has been on a plane.
- Brooke?
- Brooke.
- Oh.
- Hey. How's it going?
- Natalie, hi.
- Oh, nice. You got a copy.
Isn't that so cool?
- Yeah.
That publicist he hired
was worth every penny.
- Oh, no, he said
someone from "People"
just came to the
hospital and asked him
about being on the cover.
- Oh.
- Which makes total sense.
Everyone knows he's
such a good guy.
Anyway, we gotta
get to the train,
but it was so good to see you.
- Yeah, you too.
- Bye, Brooke.
- Bye.
Oh, they just "came
to the hospital"?
Please. He might have
these losers fooled,
but I know that he
worked for this.
And it is my job
today to prove it.
- Actually, your job today
is quite a few other things.
- I just need to
get into his emails.
Oh, uh... hey, Natalie.
I just wanna send Lance
a little something,
you know, say congrats
for being so dang good.
Do you mind DM'ing me
his new little addy?
- Yeah, sure.
That's really sweet.
Brooke, I vote
you don't do this,
but I have to go
meet a new client
and know you're going to.
So I guess just text me
when you end up burning down
his entire apartment.
- The addy.
- Hey, everyone.
Thank you all for being here
to talk about helping
me win the Academy Award
for Best Actor in
a Motion Picture.
Or supporting.
No, let's... let's do lead.
- Well, I'm sorry I
can't be there in person.
I'm still in the Hamptons.
But I have already
found the movie
to maybe get you
that Oscar, Cary.
- Wait, really?
- It's called
"One Night with Albert,"
and it's about a gay man
who had a brief love
affair with Albert Einstein
the night before he published
his theory of relativity.
- Albert Einstein was gay?
- It's rumored he was by
the writer of this movie.
- Uh, sure. Yes.
I... I wanna be
gay Albert Einstein
and win an Oscar.
- So the role is up for grabs,
but even though you're
the lead of a TV show,
the producers are not 100% sure
that they see you
as a leading man.
I mean, it's a sexual role,
and you play an elf
on "WindWeaver."
So in the next month,
I wanna have you read for them,
get you in for some
chemistry tests.
- Oh...
- I want them to...
- The next month?
Is there, um, any way
to do this faster?
I was hoping to fit
it in before I go back
to "WindWeaver," 'cause I am
completely free until then.
- I might have a
way to go faster.
- Oh, sorry, everyone.
Uh, this is Shuli...
- Hi.
- The newest member of the team.
She wouldn't work with me before
because I was too small-time,
uh, but last night, she
emailed begging me to hire her.
- Oh, I wouldn't say begging.
- Well, I have it
here printed out.
I will kill you.
- But I do have a
faster way for producers
to see Cary as a leading man.
Or wait. Cary, do
you have a, um...
- Uh, yes.
Yes, I... I do, actually.
- Perfect. We'll be right...
- Oh, my God.
- Whoa. Cary Dubek is packing.
- Okay. You got the role.
They can now see you
as a leading man.
- Thank you so much, Shuli.
- Hey, thank that
big ol' pee-pee.
- Okay, so the next
step is financing.
I'll circle up
with the producers,
see what studios they're out to,
and this part will
take a beat, so...
- Uh, how long is, um, a beat?
- I mean, we're looking for
$20 million to $25 million,
and...
- Well, uh,
what if I were to
just, uh, call my mom?
Like, could she finance it?
- Damn, Car, you cray.
And I love it.
- Come on. Where are you?
- Hey, Lance.
- Hey, man.
- Oh.
No shirt, huh?
Looks like someone who works
to get attention to me.
- Hi.
Flower delivery for Mr. Arroyo.
Hmm.
- Oh, Debra.
He's the third
floor, apartment 3C.
- Thank you.
Okay.
Hmm, bingo.
Huh, left your
email open, idiot.
Okay, let's search "publicist."
Weird, okay.
Uh, "public relations."
No results?
It's okay.
I got plenty of time.
- Whoops. Forgot something.
- What else can I search?
What would I write in
an email to a publicist?
No?
Nothing?
Does he just never
send any emails?
Oh, hell yeah.
- What's going on, man.
Where you going on
this fine Friday?
- Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
What do I do?
Oh.
I'm not gonna kill him.
- Oh, look who it is.
Give me that rock, baby.
Let's go.
- I'll just set
off the fire alarm.
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Ahh!
- Okay, girl.
Now give me that spin.
Give me that spin.
See you.
- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Okay.
- This would dull
an average knife,
but Miracle Blade is
not an average knife.
Even a soda can is like butter.
Oh.
Jesus.
- Okay.
- Yo, Mr. McMurtry.
- Oh.
- It's Lance.
- Lance.
- Sorry, man. Forgot
to give you your pills.
- Thank you.
Also, I had another
accident in my chair.
- It's all good.
I'll run you a bath.
We'll get you cleaned up.
And I'm gonna close
this window for you.
We gotta keep you safe.
- Hey, Lance.
You're the best man I know.
- Ah, thanks, Mr. M.
- Wait, I actually think this is
Cary's suit that I'm wearing.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Aw.
- Well, and I love
your suit, Pat.
- Oh, why, thank you.
Isn't it so gorgeous?
And so wait, when do
you go back to work?
- Not till September
or, you know,
really, the last week of August
just so I can get
my room set up.
- Still so much
time. That's so nice.
- Ope, Mom, can
you grab me a Coke?
- Oh, and some towels.
Sorry, sorry.
- Sorry.
- Kids. Am I right, Pat?
Always needing
something from you.
- Oh, it's Cary.
- Aw.
- Hi, honey.
- Hey, Mom.
Could I have between $20 million
and $25 million?
- Uh, for... why, honey?
Oh, also, you're
on speakerphone.
I'm here with Meg and Mark.
- Hi.
- Hey, Cary.
- Hi, Cary.
- By the way, I was so sorry
to see those pictures
of you online.
First your hole, now
your little penis?
- Oh, no, the penis
was on purpose.
- Oh.
- Uh, it's for this movie
I'm calling about.
- On purpose?
- It is this really beautiful
indie that needs financing,
and I was wondering
if you would want
to help get it off the ground.
It would really,
really mean a lot.
- Uh, okay.
I mean, sure, honey.
- Oh, my God.
- Uh...
- Thank you so much,
Mom. Thank you.
I really, really appreciate it.
Wow. Okay.
We are really moving.
- For the first time, I can see
how you and Brooke are related.
Okay, so what's next?
- So the last piece of
the puzzle is a director.
I'll move as fast as I can and
start reaching out to people.
- And I'll start generating
Oscar buzz in the press.
In fact, I already
secured you a profile
in "The New York Times."
- Whoa. And it's not
too soon for that?
- No. The Oscar for next year
may have already been won.
We gotta move.
- Yes. I... I love it.
- So since the movie's
"One Night with Albert,"
they wanna do a feature
called "One Night with Cary,"
where the writer will
just hang out with you
and maybe your
friends and boyfriend
at a bar or something
for one night with Cary.
Just whatever you do
on a Friday night.
- Oh. Um... sure, yeah.
I mean, I am actually
always hanging out
with my friends and boyfriend,
uh, on a Friday night.
- So he'll meet you
and your crew at 8:00
wherever you want.
- Cool.
Uh, yeah, let me
just, uh, call, uh,
my boyf and, uh, BFFs
and just make sure we're on
for our normal hang sesh.
All right.
Oh. Now it's the
sister. Sorry.
So there was nothing
in his email,
and he washed an old
man's butt for free?
Maybe they did just ask him.
- Shuli, no. He
hired a publicist.
I just need to see his
phone contacts for proof,
but I can't go back in
looking like myself,
because the doorman
knows I stole his keys.
- That's probably for the best.
- So I went in as a redhead.
- What?
Why does this even matter?
- Because if he didn't hire
a publicist, he's, what,
inherently better than us
and everyone just knows it?
I mean, what does
that make me, Shuli,
dog shit?
- Okay, this sort of feels
like a therapy situation.
Oh, I gotta
go. I'll keep you posted.
These fucking Dubeks.
- ♪ My whole life with you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're the sweetest
girl in the entire world ♪
- All right.
- ♪ And I would die for you ♪
God.
Okay.
Michael ConEd. No.
Sharon Haircut. No.
Where is publicist?
Oh.
Unreal.
Mom?
- Hi, Brookie. Guess
what I'm playing.
"Apples to Apples"!
- Ew. Literally why?
- Oh.
- Oh, what do you think
about doing an exposé
on "P!" about nurses?
Like, how much good
do they really do?
Because between you and me,
feels like it's
more the doctors.
- Um, sure, honey.
I mean, I guess we could...
- And since we're not getting
the recognition we deserve
for our "Night of
Undeniable Good,"
I wanna have meetings
all next week
about more good stuff we
can do for "P!," okay?
- Oh, rats.
- Oh, fuck. He's
out of the shower.
I gotta go.
- God. She hung up.
- Okay.
Oh!
- Wait. Where's my phone?
God, I always lose that thing.
But wait, there's an
app Brooke told me about
I can use to find it.
It makes my phone emit a
big, loud screeching noise.
- Uh...
- Wait, shit, what's it called?
Doesn't remember
'cause he never listens.
Yet everyone says he's...
- Oh!
Find My Phone!
Brooke told me
about it at the zoo.
She had just said
that Alexis Bledel
is probably mean in real life.
- Okay, so he does listen?
But who the hell talks
to themselves this much,
like, out loud?
Who's this even...
- Wait, it's outside?
How's it...
Aah!
What? Yo!
Hey, man! What the hell?
- It's okay.
He's not gonna chase
me in just a towel.
- Get back here, or I'll have
to chase you in just a towel!
Fuck.
- Hey!
Hey!
- Huh?
- Okay, where is my boyfriend?
- Nice and light,
man, all right?
Nice.
- Oh, there he is.
- Out of whiskey.
Hey, honey.
Uh, just, uh, stopping by to
see if I could ask a fave.
Um, so "The Times" wants to do
this really cool profile on me
where I hang out
with my boyfriend...
- You know we can't be
seen in town together.
We'll get ourselves
killed... or worse.
- Totally.
I know, uh, you are a
closeted sheepherder now
and we are only supposed
to really hang up here
on the range,
but I just thought
maybe this once...
- Oh, I'm so fucked
up since I met you.
I'm just... I'm nowhere.
I'm nothing.
- Sorry, is this
from your new movie?
Because it's very
similar to "Brokeback."
- It's just, what we're doing
up here, it ain't right.
It ain't natural.
- It's also like
"God's Own Country"?
Wait, are they making
another one of these?
Or wait, is this... sex?
Are we about to have sex?
Oh, right. They
have sex in these.
These characters do have sex.
Oh, thank the Lord, yeah.
Let me see that dick.
Let me see that big, fat...
- Okay, whoa.
Getting right to it. I
guess I'll have to see
that dick later, but,
yes, let's... oh.
Sorry, I just wanna make sure
we have lube in the tent.
Not sure I saw...
- Hmm.
Not quite sure that's
gonna do the trick.
Is there really no lube in here?
Well, let's at least do more
than just the one... oh!
I mean, yes.
Oh, finally happening.
- Yeah.
- Love this.
Hooray.
- Okay, so that's
a no on the boyf.
Guess I'll try some friends.
Oof.
Hey, um, so I am calling
because I need some friends
for this, uh, "New York
Times" thing tonight,
and I'm not sure if we
are friends, uh, but...
- Cary, you are my best friend.
Oh, but sadly, I do have plans
tonight with, um, a lady.
- Oh, okay, well, I'm...
I'm glad you're...
You're getting back out there.
And that's cool.
I've got tons of other
people I could try.
So I wasn't dead last?
Hell... hello?
- Uh...
Hey, get back here, man!
- Cary? Why are
you calling Lance?
- Brooke? Why do you
have Lance's phone?
And what's that alarm?
And why does it sound
like you might be dying?
- 'Cause I stole it to prove
that he hired a publicist,
but then he saw, so
he started chasing me.
And I tried to
lose him by running
into some random building,
but it turns out,
it's a fucking utility
closet or something.
And now I'm trapped like
a goddamn animal. Fuck!
- So I take it neither of you
are free for a party tonight.
Also, why didn't you
just drop the phone?
- 'Cause I know there's
a clue in here, Cary.
I just gotta find it.
- Hey, yo, man!
I know you're in there!
- Fuck. He's right above me.
I gotta go, Car.
- Ugh.
So I guess I'll just
text every single person
in my phone and hope someone
shows up to be my friend?
Both: God, that's
some dark shit.
- Come on, dude! Game over!
There's nowhere else to run!
And you know what?
I'm calling the cops!
- Yeah, fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Is what I would say
if I didn't believe
that we all make mistakes!
Come on.
- 'Cause you may have
done some bad things,
but I don't think
you're a bad person.
- You don't?
- So how about you just
give me my phone back,
and I'll let you
go but not before
giving you $600
in cold hard cash.
You can go get yourself
a hot meal or maybe even
a new phone, 'cause it seems
like you really need one.
- Jesus, did "People"
just find him?
Wait, holy shit.
My PR crew?
"You guys got me this"?
Yes! Fucking knew it, baby!
Hey, man, I'm sorry.
It's just, it's been,
like, this kind of
weird amount of time without
you responding, so I'm just...
Can I have it back?
- Oh.
- Yeah, sure.
'Cause I
got just what I need.
- Thank you.
- Also, I do need a new phone.
- Thanks so much for
doing a profile like this.
We find it to be a fun
peek inside a celeb's life.
It lets the reader experience
them with their loved ones,
their friends.
- Totally.
Uh, such a fun idea.
- Can you introduce
me to everyone?
- Oh, yeah, sorry.
Uh, how rude of me.
Um, this is my ex-agent,
uh, Shrimp Scampi.
- No, actually, it's...
It's Skip Schamplin.
Wait, hold on. Is
it Shrimp Scampi?
Huh. They both sound right.
- Oh, my God.
And, uh, this is
Vishant Acharya,
another dear friend I met when
I worked at his restaurant.
- Yes, though it, uh, sadly
shuttered on March 12, 2020.
That fateful day, someone
found a rat in their pasta.
- Ew. And, uh, finally,
this is Michael...
Haircut or, uh...
- My last name's actually Engel.
I just used to cut his hair.
- So yeah, these my besties.
Love these kooks.
Uh, anyway, guys,
go, dance, mingle.
- How unusual all
your best friends
are from your very distant past.
- Well, I'm humble.
I still cherish
the people who...
Who knew me when.
Yeah, let's... Let's
go with that angle.
God, please let
someone real show up.
- So you stole his phone
and he chased you
for three miles
to give you $600?
Yeah, I think it's
time to call it.
He's just that good.
- Nope, no,
because then I saw a
text from his PR crew.
They're coming over at
8:00, so I'm thinking
I could get there early,
hide in his closet,
and then catch him in the act.
- Brooke, do not do that.
- Okay, I will take
that into consideration.
- Plus, the doorman definitely
knows your face now.
I mean, you'd have to
go back in in, like,
full prosthetics...
Like your mom used to do.
- No, you're right.
That would be too far.
- That would be truly unhinged.
It would be like the
Brooke I knew is dead
and a new, darker Brooke
had risen in her place.
- Cool. Then yeah,
I won't do it.
Oh.
Oh,
okay, I gotta go.
I'm walking into a movie.
- She's not walking
into a movie.
- It's open.
- Showtime, baby.
Time to see your PR
crew, Nurse Arroyo,
because I know you got
down in the muck for this.
- Uncle Lance, Uncle
Lance, Uncle Lance!
- Huh?
- Yes!
The whole Puerto Rico crew!
- Oh, my God, it's his
entire extended family
from Puerto Rico?
- We're so proud of you, Lance!
- Hey, you guys got me this.
- Let's celebrate
Lance all night.
- Cary, I don't
know if you heard,
but they're making another movie
that's kind of like
"Brokeback Mountain."
- No, I'm... I'm
painfully aware.
- Oh, I think another
friend is here.
- Oh, good, I look
forward to turning around
and seeing who it is.
- Hey, Gary.
- Hey. Uh, everyone,
my old Improv 101 teacher.
Yep, another one of
my true ride-or-dies.
Tom.
- Hey, thank you so much
for sticking with me
despite the allegations.
- Uh, sorry, what allegations?
- Hmm?
- Okay, what do you say
we get the whole posse
together for a pic?
- Oh, sure. Um, and...
And why don't we have my
improv teacher take it?
- Shouldn't we wait
for the old guy?
I think he went to go pee.
- So much better when
it's not crowded.
Whoa, Vishant?
Long time, no see.
- What?
We've been hanging
here all night.
You invited me to this.
- What? Wha...
Oh, wait, is Cary here?
I'm the other gay waiter.
But I guess it's cool,
like, you and he still hang.
- Yeah, "The New York Times"
is doing a profile on him,
and they wanted all of his
best friends to be here for it.
So naturally, he thought of me.
- Hey, why is Cary Dubek
taking pics with the
guy who cuts my hair?
- And the guy who cuts my hair?
- Thanks again for
flying us all in, cuz.
I don't know anyone more
dedicated to his family
than you.
- God, I cannot
do this all night.
I guess I'll sneak
out a third time?
- Wait, did I ever tell you guys
about the time Lance tried
to donate so much blood,
he passed out?
- Yeah, I'm out of here.
- He just kept saying,
"Please, let me donate more.
People need the blood."
- Yeah, like, 4
liters of the stuff.
Hey, everybody!
- Aunt Connie, you made it.
My girl!
- Aunt... Aunt Connie?
- How's your leg?
- I'm so sorry I'm late.
- Please, who cares? We
just wanna see that ring!
- Let's go!
- Aw, Connie's getting married?
- Look at it.
- Okay, wait, wait,
I got another one.
Remember the time that Lance
saved that little bird?
- Oh, my God!
I have a "Lance saving a
little animal" story too!
- Me too.
- Me three!
- Okay, no, bye.
- You know, Cary?
- Yeah.
- This man has a very
interesting look.
Are you in need of
an acting agent?
- No, I'm a
full-time journalist.
- Are you in need
of an assistant?
Perhaps a brand-new
Tempur-Pedic mattress?
- Oh, my God.
- I'm very good at picking
out a person's firmness.
You look like a seven to me.
- Hey, guess what.
I saw Cary downstairs.
- What?
I'm Cary.
Or wait, is... is Curtis here?
You... you didn't tell him
why you were here, right?
Just 'cause, uh, I...
I don't want him to be mad
that I invited you and not him.
That's all.
- No.
I didn't tell him, but
I met all his friends,
and they're so nice.
And his boyfriend, he's hot too.
Great big lads.
- Wait, he has... He
has a boyfriend now?
That's... that's great.
- Yeah.
And they're all going
to Curtis' aunt's house
in the Hamptons for
his birthday next week.
- Major jeals, right?
- Yeah, no, he, uh...
He always does that.
It's... it's fun.
It's, um... Yeah,
I'm happy for him.
- So we're gonna add a little
bit of cheese to that...
Damn it.
Shit.
Jesus Christ.
Okay.
Oh.
Not doing that again.
What? Oh, my God.
Oh, no. Oh, no. Aah!
What do I do? Aah!
Fuck. Please, no.
Ugh!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
- Fuck, fuck, fuck!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Okay, so now it goes off?
- I'm sure I have at least 30.
- Okay, everybody
downstairs. Go.
I'm right behind you.
I just wanna make sure
everyone else is out safe.
What's your emergency?
- Please, quick!
There's a fire.
- Don't worry.
Help is on the way.
- Hello, ma'am!
I'm here to help!
- Whoa. That was
actually so fast.
- My name is Lance Arroyo.
Just leave me.
- Hey, Mack.
Just checking in on
the, uh, director sitch.
As a reminder, I am fully
free until "WindWeaver."
Nothing else going on.
So, uh, excited to shoot.
- Hey, is Lucas Lambert
Moy coming tonight?
Would love to have him for this.
- No. No, no, no.
Uh, even though things are
so, so great with
us right now, um,
I do... I just like to keep my
Fridays for just my friends.
Holy shit. Edie?
Uh, speaking of, uh, one of my
very best friends is here now.
- Hi. Can you tell me
who invited me to this thing?
I, uh... I didn't
save the number.
It's not familiar to
me, and they've been
texting me for, like, a year.
It's starting to drive me nuts.
Oh, Cary Dubek.
All right, that makes sense.
Uh, all right, I
have a dinner thing,
so as far as you know, I
was... I was never here.
- Wait... Edie?
Edie.
Edie. Edie!
- Okay, let's move.
- Yeah, let's do it.
- Um, I should just probably
say bye to Cary first, right?
Like, if Vishant
told him I was here,
I... I don't wanna
be an asshole, so...
Okay, um, I guess never mind.
- Hey, Cary Dubek?
- Oh, my God.
Are we friends? Hi.
- No, I'm with Sallie Mae.
You haven't made a loan
payment in seven years,
but you texted me your location,
so I thought I'd show up and
get the $14,000 in person.
Credit card?
Ugh.
- You're gonna be okay.
Okay, no.
I can... you know, I
can walk from here,
but thank you, sonny.
- You got her?
- Oh, my God.
Your eyebrow's falling off.
- Oh, um, guess that fire
really licked me good.
Yes! Yes!
Rescue me, Daddy!
- Okay, sort of
feels like you guys
could take it from here, no?
- Okay, is everyone
accounted for?
- Yeah, yeah. That's everyone.
- Let's hear it for
my sobrino Lance!
- Oh, wait, hold on,
hold on. Where's Connie?
What?
Did she not come out with us?
- I... I didn't see her.
- Oh, shit.
Connie, oh, my God.
- She's still inside!
- What?
- Connie!
- Aunt Connie!
- Connie's still in there?
- Aunt Connie!
- C-Connie's still in there?
My God.
Oh, God.
Fucking tent.
Is that a bear?
- No, it's me.
It's just me.
Listen, I can't do this anymore.
I'm so fucked up.
I'm so fucked up
since I met you.
I just... I got no one, nothing.
It's not right what
we're doing together.
It's not natural. I just...
I wish I knew how to...
Oh, my God, I almost said
quit you. Jesus!
It shouldn't be like this.
It shouldn't fucking
be like this.
Yeah.
Oh.
Oh, yes.
Oh.
- FD's here.
- Oh, my God. I killed Connie.
Wait, where's that from?
- She was just with us.
She was dancing.
- No, she got tired, remember?
- Yeah, I saw her go lie down.
- Shit. So she's sleeping?
- We got one trapped
inside. Let's go.
Move, please. Move, please.
Go, go, go, go, go!
- Oh, my... fuck.
Fuck.
Look at me!
I'm being saved!
Oh, my God.
- Connie!
- What?
I saw everybody else
getting the royal treatment,
so I ducked back in,
and now I'm being saved
by "People's" sexiest man.
- Ew!
You're related to him, Connie.
- Oh, my God.
Thank God, Connie.
- Okay, folks, fire's
been contained.
There is some damage
to the kitchen in 4C.
Could have been worse.
Could have been a lot worse.
Special thanks to Mr. Arroyo
for getting everyone out.
- Lance!
- It's okay. You guys just
had me freaked out, yo!
- Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
I guess he is just that good.
He is truly good,
and I am... bad?
I don't think it could be any
clearer that I am just bad.
What? Hello?
- Hi, there. Good evening.
My name is Angelica Yates.
I'm with the GFP
Board of Jurors.
Is this Brooke Dubek?
- Yeah, this is she.
- I'm calling to inform you
that "ChaseDreams Presents:
A Night of Undeniable Good"
has been selected to receive
the 2023 Peabody Award
for Excellence in Media
in the category
of Public Service.
- What? A Peabody Award?
- Yes. Congrat...
- Oh, my God.
I am good!
Yes!
Brooke Dubek is good!
- My fucking kitchen!
That was incredible.
So much better than
Marvel's Simu Liu.
- Oh, I've missed
you so much, Streety.
- I missed you too, my Patricia.
- But this just
can't happen again.
- No.
No, no, no, because
I thought about it,
and it could be fun that
you always need to wear
prosthetics to go to dinner.
It'll be like every
day is Halloween.
- No.
I just... I can't have
you be part of my family
anymore, Streeter.
I need you to just be my manager
so my family can be my family.
- What do you mean?
I just...
I didn't miss anything
in Ohio except my kids.
I was there, and I realized
I don't have my kids anymore
or not the way I had them.
And everything in my
life can be insane
but not me and them.
We need to be normal.
And if we're normal, then
I can handle the rest.
So first thing tomorrow, I need
to pull out of Cary's movie.
And I need to...
I need to fire
Brooke as my manager.
Okay, good night.
- Uh-oh.
Thanks again.
- Oh, can't you stay
a few more hours?
I'm making bee pancakes.
- Um, no,
unfortunately, I can't.
I really have to get back.
- Well, at least say
hi to Meg and Mark.
They just got here.
- Oh, they did? Oh.
- Hello, Ms. Dubek!
- Oh, my gosh. Hi, Mrs. Dubek.
- Oh, it's so good
to see you kids.
And how nice you get to stop
by for a little breakfast
on your way to work.
- Oh, no, school's
out for the summer.
- And I just took off
because it's so nice out.
Figured we'd just hang out,
maybe get in the pool.
Oh, uh, Mom, they did
not have any Snickers
at the gas station, so
we got you a Milky Way.
- Oh, that's great. Thanks.
- Oh, and hey, these
were at my house.
- See, I told you.
- Well, your stuff
is better than mine.
- Well, I gotta say, you
two look exactly the same.
- Oh.
- And how are Brooke and Cary?
Are they still the same?
And I'm sorry, I
still haven't seen
Cary's new show, the "Wind" one,
uh, but all my friends
at work say it's awesome.
- Yeah, my friends say
it is so, so awesome.
- Oh, hey, if you guys do wanna
swim, we're out of sunscreen.
- Oh, I can run out to
Target and get some.
- I'll go with.
- Why?
Do you also need
something from Target?
- No, just to keep her company.
- That's nice of you.
- Come on, you.
- I'm not gonna make
you go to Target alone.
- You know what? I
think I will stay
and hang for a couple hours.
- Yay!
- Oh, yay!
Oh, and hey, how's Brooke?
She's an agent now, right?
- Or a manager? Sorry.
We're nothing like your kids.
Both: Neither of
us know a thing
about the
entertainment industry.
- ♪ I-I-I'm a winner ♪
- It's such bullshit.
Like, I'm the one
in the industry
constantly doing
good, and yet nothing?
He had to have hired
a publicist, right?
Brooke, it's 8:30 a.m.
How are we already at
a ten about something?
But yes, anytime anyone's on
anything, it's a publicist.
How do you think Greta Thunberg
got on the cover of "TIME"?
She hired me.
- Wow, really? What's she like?
- Well, first of all,
bitch has been on a plane.
- Brooke?
- Brooke.
- Oh.
- Hey. How's it going?
- Natalie, hi.
- Oh, nice. You got a copy.
Isn't that so cool?
- Yeah.
That publicist he hired
was worth every penny.
- Oh, no, he said
someone from "People"
just came to the
hospital and asked him
about being on the cover.
- Oh.
- Which makes total sense.
Everyone knows he's
such a good guy.
Anyway, we gotta
get to the train,
but it was so good to see you.
- Yeah, you too.
- Bye, Brooke.
- Bye.
Oh, they just "came
to the hospital"?
Please. He might have
these losers fooled,
but I know that he
worked for this.
And it is my job
today to prove it.
- Actually, your job today
is quite a few other things.
- I just need to
get into his emails.
Oh, uh... hey, Natalie.
I just wanna send Lance
a little something,
you know, say congrats
for being so dang good.
Do you mind DM'ing me
his new little addy?
- Yeah, sure.
That's really sweet.
Brooke, I vote
you don't do this,
but I have to go
meet a new client
and know you're going to.
So I guess just text me
when you end up burning down
his entire apartment.
- The addy.
- Hey, everyone.
Thank you all for being here
to talk about helping
me win the Academy Award
for Best Actor in
a Motion Picture.
Or supporting.
No, let's... let's do lead.
- Well, I'm sorry I
can't be there in person.
I'm still in the Hamptons.
But I have already
found the movie
to maybe get you
that Oscar, Cary.
- Wait, really?
- It's called
"One Night with Albert,"
and it's about a gay man
who had a brief love
affair with Albert Einstein
the night before he published
his theory of relativity.
- Albert Einstein was gay?
- It's rumored he was by
the writer of this movie.
- Uh, sure. Yes.
I... I wanna be
gay Albert Einstein
and win an Oscar.
- So the role is up for grabs,
but even though you're
the lead of a TV show,
the producers are not 100% sure
that they see you
as a leading man.
I mean, it's a sexual role,
and you play an elf
on "WindWeaver."
So in the next month,
I wanna have you read for them,
get you in for some
chemistry tests.
- Oh...
- I want them to...
- The next month?
Is there, um, any way
to do this faster?
I was hoping to fit
it in before I go back
to "WindWeaver," 'cause I am
completely free until then.
- I might have a
way to go faster.
- Oh, sorry, everyone.
Uh, this is Shuli...
- Hi.
- The newest member of the team.
She wouldn't work with me before
because I was too small-time,
uh, but last night, she
emailed begging me to hire her.
- Oh, I wouldn't say begging.
- Well, I have it
here printed out.
I will kill you.
- But I do have a
faster way for producers
to see Cary as a leading man.
Or wait. Cary, do
you have a, um...
- Uh, yes.
Yes, I... I do, actually.
- Perfect. We'll be right...
- Oh, my God.
- Whoa. Cary Dubek is packing.
- Okay. You got the role.
They can now see you
as a leading man.
- Thank you so much, Shuli.
- Hey, thank that
big ol' pee-pee.
- Okay, so the next
step is financing.
I'll circle up
with the producers,
see what studios they're out to,
and this part will
take a beat, so...
- Uh, how long is, um, a beat?
- I mean, we're looking for
$20 million to $25 million,
and...
- Well, uh,
what if I were to
just, uh, call my mom?
Like, could she finance it?
- Damn, Car, you cray.
And I love it.
- Come on. Where are you?
- Hey, Lance.
- Hey, man.
- Oh.
No shirt, huh?
Looks like someone who works
to get attention to me.
- Hi.
Flower delivery for Mr. Arroyo.
Hmm.
- Oh, Debra.
He's the third
floor, apartment 3C.
- Thank you.
Okay.
Hmm, bingo.
Huh, left your
email open, idiot.
Okay, let's search "publicist."
Weird, okay.
Uh, "public relations."
No results?
It's okay.
I got plenty of time.
- Whoops. Forgot something.
- What else can I search?
What would I write in
an email to a publicist?
No?
Nothing?
Does he just never
send any emails?
Oh, hell yeah.
- What's going on, man.
Where you going on
this fine Friday?
- Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
What do I do?
Oh.
I'm not gonna kill him.
- Oh, look who it is.
Give me that rock, baby.
Let's go.
- I'll just set
off the fire alarm.
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Ahh!
- Okay, girl.
Now give me that spin.
Give me that spin.
See you.
- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Okay.
- This would dull
an average knife,
but Miracle Blade is
not an average knife.
Even a soda can is like butter.
Oh.
Jesus.
- Okay.
- Yo, Mr. McMurtry.
- Oh.
- It's Lance.
- Lance.
- Sorry, man. Forgot
to give you your pills.
- Thank you.
Also, I had another
accident in my chair.
- It's all good.
I'll run you a bath.
We'll get you cleaned up.
And I'm gonna close
this window for you.
We gotta keep you safe.
- Hey, Lance.
You're the best man I know.
- Ah, thanks, Mr. M.
- Wait, I actually think this is
Cary's suit that I'm wearing.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Aw.
- Well, and I love
your suit, Pat.
- Oh, why, thank you.
Isn't it so gorgeous?
And so wait, when do
you go back to work?
- Not till September
or, you know,
really, the last week of August
just so I can get
my room set up.
- Still so much
time. That's so nice.
- Ope, Mom, can
you grab me a Coke?
- Oh, and some towels.
Sorry, sorry.
- Sorry.
- Kids. Am I right, Pat?
Always needing
something from you.
- Oh, it's Cary.
- Aw.
- Hi, honey.
- Hey, Mom.
Could I have between $20 million
and $25 million?
- Uh, for... why, honey?
Oh, also, you're
on speakerphone.
I'm here with Meg and Mark.
- Hi.
- Hey, Cary.
- Hi, Cary.
- By the way, I was so sorry
to see those pictures
of you online.
First your hole, now
your little penis?
- Oh, no, the penis
was on purpose.
- Oh.
- Uh, it's for this movie
I'm calling about.
- On purpose?
- It is this really beautiful
indie that needs financing,
and I was wondering
if you would want
to help get it off the ground.
It would really,
really mean a lot.
- Uh, okay.
I mean, sure, honey.
- Oh, my God.
- Uh...
- Thank you so much,
Mom. Thank you.
I really, really appreciate it.
Wow. Okay.
We are really moving.
- For the first time, I can see
how you and Brooke are related.
Okay, so what's next?
- So the last piece of
the puzzle is a director.
I'll move as fast as I can and
start reaching out to people.
- And I'll start generating
Oscar buzz in the press.
In fact, I already
secured you a profile
in "The New York Times."
- Whoa. And it's not
too soon for that?
- No. The Oscar for next year
may have already been won.
We gotta move.
- Yes. I... I love it.
- So since the movie's
"One Night with Albert,"
they wanna do a feature
called "One Night with Cary,"
where the writer will
just hang out with you
and maybe your
friends and boyfriend
at a bar or something
for one night with Cary.
Just whatever you do
on a Friday night.
- Oh. Um... sure, yeah.
I mean, I am actually
always hanging out
with my friends and boyfriend,
uh, on a Friday night.
- So he'll meet you
and your crew at 8:00
wherever you want.
- Cool.
Uh, yeah, let me
just, uh, call, uh,
my boyf and, uh, BFFs
and just make sure we're on
for our normal hang sesh.
All right.
Oh. Now it's the
sister. Sorry.
So there was nothing
in his email,
and he washed an old
man's butt for free?
Maybe they did just ask him.
- Shuli, no. He
hired a publicist.
I just need to see his
phone contacts for proof,
but I can't go back in
looking like myself,
because the doorman
knows I stole his keys.
- That's probably for the best.
- So I went in as a redhead.
- What?
Why does this even matter?
- Because if he didn't hire
a publicist, he's, what,
inherently better than us
and everyone just knows it?
I mean, what does
that make me, Shuli,
dog shit?
- Okay, this sort of feels
like a therapy situation.
Oh, I gotta
go. I'll keep you posted.
These fucking Dubeks.
- ♪ My whole life with you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're the sweetest
girl in the entire world ♪
- All right.
- ♪ And I would die for you ♪
God.
Okay.
Michael ConEd. No.
Sharon Haircut. No.
Where is publicist?
Oh.
Unreal.
Mom?
- Hi, Brookie. Guess
what I'm playing.
"Apples to Apples"!
- Ew. Literally why?
- Oh.
- Oh, what do you think
about doing an exposé
on "P!" about nurses?
Like, how much good
do they really do?
Because between you and me,
feels like it's
more the doctors.
- Um, sure, honey.
I mean, I guess we could...
- And since we're not getting
the recognition we deserve
for our "Night of
Undeniable Good,"
I wanna have meetings
all next week
about more good stuff we
can do for "P!," okay?
- Oh, rats.
- Oh, fuck. He's
out of the shower.
I gotta go.
- God. She hung up.
- Okay.
Oh!
- Wait. Where's my phone?
God, I always lose that thing.
But wait, there's an
app Brooke told me about
I can use to find it.
It makes my phone emit a
big, loud screeching noise.
- Uh...
- Wait, shit, what's it called?
Doesn't remember
'cause he never listens.
Yet everyone says he's...
- Oh!
Find My Phone!
Brooke told me
about it at the zoo.
She had just said
that Alexis Bledel
is probably mean in real life.
- Okay, so he does listen?
But who the hell talks
to themselves this much,
like, out loud?
Who's this even...
- Wait, it's outside?
How's it...
Aah!
What? Yo!
Hey, man! What the hell?
- It's okay.
He's not gonna chase
me in just a towel.
- Get back here, or I'll have
to chase you in just a towel!
Fuck.
- Hey!
Hey!
- Huh?
- Okay, where is my boyfriend?
- Nice and light,
man, all right?
Nice.
- Oh, there he is.
- Out of whiskey.
Hey, honey.
Uh, just, uh, stopping by to
see if I could ask a fave.
Um, so "The Times" wants to do
this really cool profile on me
where I hang out
with my boyfriend...
- You know we can't be
seen in town together.
We'll get ourselves
killed... or worse.
- Totally.
I know, uh, you are a
closeted sheepherder now
and we are only supposed
to really hang up here
on the range,
but I just thought
maybe this once...
- Oh, I'm so fucked
up since I met you.
I'm just... I'm nowhere.
I'm nothing.
- Sorry, is this
from your new movie?
Because it's very
similar to "Brokeback."
- It's just, what we're doing
up here, it ain't right.
It ain't natural.
- It's also like
"God's Own Country"?
Wait, are they making
another one of these?
Or wait, is this... sex?
Are we about to have sex?
Oh, right. They
have sex in these.
These characters do have sex.
Oh, thank the Lord, yeah.
Let me see that dick.
Let me see that big, fat...
- Okay, whoa.
Getting right to it. I
guess I'll have to see
that dick later, but,
yes, let's... oh.
Sorry, I just wanna make sure
we have lube in the tent.
Not sure I saw...
- Hmm.
Not quite sure that's
gonna do the trick.
Is there really no lube in here?
Well, let's at least do more
than just the one... oh!
I mean, yes.
Oh, finally happening.
- Yeah.
- Love this.
Hooray.
- Okay, so that's
a no on the boyf.
Guess I'll try some friends.
Oof.
Hey, um, so I am calling
because I need some friends
for this, uh, "New York
Times" thing tonight,
and I'm not sure if we
are friends, uh, but...
- Cary, you are my best friend.
Oh, but sadly, I do have plans
tonight with, um, a lady.
- Oh, okay, well, I'm...
I'm glad you're...
You're getting back out there.
And that's cool.
I've got tons of other
people I could try.
So I wasn't dead last?
Hell... hello?
- Uh...
Hey, get back here, man!
- Cary? Why are
you calling Lance?
- Brooke? Why do you
have Lance's phone?
And what's that alarm?
And why does it sound
like you might be dying?
- 'Cause I stole it to prove
that he hired a publicist,
but then he saw, so
he started chasing me.
And I tried to
lose him by running
into some random building,
but it turns out,
it's a fucking utility
closet or something.
And now I'm trapped like
a goddamn animal. Fuck!
- So I take it neither of you
are free for a party tonight.
Also, why didn't you
just drop the phone?
- 'Cause I know there's
a clue in here, Cary.
I just gotta find it.
- Hey, yo, man!
I know you're in there!
- Fuck. He's right above me.
I gotta go, Car.
- Ugh.
So I guess I'll just
text every single person
in my phone and hope someone
shows up to be my friend?
Both: God, that's
some dark shit.
- Come on, dude! Game over!
There's nowhere else to run!
And you know what?
I'm calling the cops!
- Yeah, fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Is what I would say
if I didn't believe
that we all make mistakes!
Come on.
- 'Cause you may have
done some bad things,
but I don't think
you're a bad person.
- You don't?
- So how about you just
give me my phone back,
and I'll let you
go but not before
giving you $600
in cold hard cash.
You can go get yourself
a hot meal or maybe even
a new phone, 'cause it seems
like you really need one.
- Jesus, did "People"
just find him?
Wait, holy shit.
My PR crew?
"You guys got me this"?
Yes! Fucking knew it, baby!
Hey, man, I'm sorry.
It's just, it's been,
like, this kind of
weird amount of time without
you responding, so I'm just...
Can I have it back?
- Oh.
- Yeah, sure.
'Cause I
got just what I need.
- Thank you.
- Also, I do need a new phone.
- Thanks so much for
doing a profile like this.
We find it to be a fun
peek inside a celeb's life.
It lets the reader experience
them with their loved ones,
their friends.
- Totally.
Uh, such a fun idea.
- Can you introduce
me to everyone?
- Oh, yeah, sorry.
Uh, how rude of me.
Um, this is my ex-agent,
uh, Shrimp Scampi.
- No, actually, it's...
It's Skip Schamplin.
Wait, hold on. Is
it Shrimp Scampi?
Huh. They both sound right.
- Oh, my God.
And, uh, this is
Vishant Acharya,
another dear friend I met when
I worked at his restaurant.
- Yes, though it, uh, sadly
shuttered on March 12, 2020.
That fateful day, someone
found a rat in their pasta.
- Ew. And, uh, finally,
this is Michael...
Haircut or, uh...
- My last name's actually Engel.
I just used to cut his hair.
- So yeah, these my besties.
Love these kooks.
Uh, anyway, guys,
go, dance, mingle.
- How unusual all
your best friends
are from your very distant past.
- Well, I'm humble.
I still cherish
the people who...
Who knew me when.
Yeah, let's... Let's
go with that angle.
God, please let
someone real show up.
- So you stole his phone
and he chased you
for three miles
to give you $600?
Yeah, I think it's
time to call it.
He's just that good.
- Nope, no,
because then I saw a
text from his PR crew.
They're coming over at
8:00, so I'm thinking
I could get there early,
hide in his closet,
and then catch him in the act.
- Brooke, do not do that.
- Okay, I will take
that into consideration.
- Plus, the doorman definitely
knows your face now.
I mean, you'd have to
go back in in, like,
full prosthetics...
Like your mom used to do.
- No, you're right.
That would be too far.
- That would be truly unhinged.
It would be like the
Brooke I knew is dead
and a new, darker Brooke
had risen in her place.
- Cool. Then yeah,
I won't do it.
Oh.
Oh,
okay, I gotta go.
I'm walking into a movie.
- She's not walking
into a movie.
- It's open.
- Showtime, baby.
Time to see your PR
crew, Nurse Arroyo,
because I know you got
down in the muck for this.
- Uncle Lance, Uncle
Lance, Uncle Lance!
- Huh?
- Yes!
The whole Puerto Rico crew!
- Oh, my God, it's his
entire extended family
from Puerto Rico?
- We're so proud of you, Lance!
- Hey, you guys got me this.
- Let's celebrate
Lance all night.
- Cary, I don't
know if you heard,
but they're making another movie
that's kind of like
"Brokeback Mountain."
- No, I'm... I'm
painfully aware.
- Oh, I think another
friend is here.
- Oh, good, I look
forward to turning around
and seeing who it is.
- Hey, Gary.
- Hey. Uh, everyone,
my old Improv 101 teacher.
Yep, another one of
my true ride-or-dies.
Tom.
- Hey, thank you so much
for sticking with me
despite the allegations.
- Uh, sorry, what allegations?
- Hmm?
- Okay, what do you say
we get the whole posse
together for a pic?
- Oh, sure. Um, and...
And why don't we have my
improv teacher take it?
- Shouldn't we wait
for the old guy?
I think he went to go pee.
- So much better when
it's not crowded.
Whoa, Vishant?
Long time, no see.
- What?
We've been hanging
here all night.
You invited me to this.
- What? Wha...
Oh, wait, is Cary here?
I'm the other gay waiter.
But I guess it's cool,
like, you and he still hang.
- Yeah, "The New York Times"
is doing a profile on him,
and they wanted all of his
best friends to be here for it.
So naturally, he thought of me.
- Hey, why is Cary Dubek
taking pics with the
guy who cuts my hair?
- And the guy who cuts my hair?
- Thanks again for
flying us all in, cuz.
I don't know anyone more
dedicated to his family
than you.
- God, I cannot
do this all night.
I guess I'll sneak
out a third time?
- Wait, did I ever tell you guys
about the time Lance tried
to donate so much blood,
he passed out?
- Yeah, I'm out of here.
- He just kept saying,
"Please, let me donate more.
People need the blood."
- Yeah, like, 4
liters of the stuff.
Hey, everybody!
- Aunt Connie, you made it.
My girl!
- Aunt... Aunt Connie?
- How's your leg?
- I'm so sorry I'm late.
- Please, who cares? We
just wanna see that ring!
- Let's go!
- Aw, Connie's getting married?
- Look at it.
- Okay, wait, wait,
I got another one.
Remember the time that Lance
saved that little bird?
- Oh, my God!
I have a "Lance saving a
little animal" story too!
- Me too.
- Me three!
- Okay, no, bye.
- You know, Cary?
- Yeah.
- This man has a very
interesting look.
Are you in need of
an acting agent?
- No, I'm a
full-time journalist.
- Are you in need
of an assistant?
Perhaps a brand-new
Tempur-Pedic mattress?
- Oh, my God.
- I'm very good at picking
out a person's firmness.
You look like a seven to me.
- Hey, guess what.
I saw Cary downstairs.
- What?
I'm Cary.
Or wait, is... is Curtis here?
You... you didn't tell him
why you were here, right?
Just 'cause, uh, I...
I don't want him to be mad
that I invited you and not him.
That's all.
- No.
I didn't tell him, but
I met all his friends,
and they're so nice.
And his boyfriend, he's hot too.
Great big lads.
- Wait, he has... He
has a boyfriend now?
That's... that's great.
- Yeah.
And they're all going
to Curtis' aunt's house
in the Hamptons for
his birthday next week.
- Major jeals, right?
- Yeah, no, he, uh...
He always does that.
It's... it's fun.
It's, um... Yeah,
I'm happy for him.
- So we're gonna add a little
bit of cheese to that...
Damn it.
Shit.
Jesus Christ.
Okay.
Oh.
Not doing that again.
What? Oh, my God.
Oh, no. Oh, no. Aah!
What do I do? Aah!
Fuck. Please, no.
Ugh!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
- Fuck, fuck, fuck!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Okay, so now it goes off?
- I'm sure I have at least 30.
- Okay, everybody
downstairs. Go.
I'm right behind you.
I just wanna make sure
everyone else is out safe.
What's your emergency?
- Please, quick!
There's a fire.
- Don't worry.
Help is on the way.
- Hello, ma'am!
I'm here to help!
- Whoa. That was
actually so fast.
- My name is Lance Arroyo.
Just leave me.
- Hey, Mack.
Just checking in on
the, uh, director sitch.
As a reminder, I am fully
free until "WindWeaver."
Nothing else going on.
So, uh, excited to shoot.
- Hey, is Lucas Lambert
Moy coming tonight?
Would love to have him for this.
- No. No, no, no.
Uh, even though things are
so, so great with
us right now, um,
I do... I just like to keep my
Fridays for just my friends.
Holy shit. Edie?
Uh, speaking of, uh, one of my
very best friends is here now.
- Hi. Can you tell me
who invited me to this thing?
I, uh... I didn't
save the number.
It's not familiar to
me, and they've been
texting me for, like, a year.
It's starting to drive me nuts.
Oh, Cary Dubek.
All right, that makes sense.
Uh, all right, I
have a dinner thing,
so as far as you know, I
was... I was never here.
- Wait... Edie?
Edie.
Edie. Edie!
- Okay, let's move.
- Yeah, let's do it.
- Um, I should just probably
say bye to Cary first, right?
Like, if Vishant
told him I was here,
I... I don't wanna
be an asshole, so...
Okay, um, I guess never mind.
- Hey, Cary Dubek?
- Oh, my God.
Are we friends? Hi.
- No, I'm with Sallie Mae.
You haven't made a loan
payment in seven years,
but you texted me your location,
so I thought I'd show up and
get the $14,000 in person.
Credit card?
Ugh.
- You're gonna be okay.
Okay, no.
I can... you know, I
can walk from here,
but thank you, sonny.
- You got her?
- Oh, my God.
Your eyebrow's falling off.
- Oh, um, guess that fire
really licked me good.
Yes! Yes!
Rescue me, Daddy!
- Okay, sort of
feels like you guys
could take it from here, no?
- Okay, is everyone
accounted for?
- Yeah, yeah. That's everyone.
- Let's hear it for
my sobrino Lance!
- Oh, wait, hold on,
hold on. Where's Connie?
What?
Did she not come out with us?
- I... I didn't see her.
- Oh, shit.
Connie, oh, my God.
- She's still inside!
- What?
- Connie!
- Aunt Connie!
- Connie's still in there?
- Aunt Connie!
- C-Connie's still in there?
My God.
Oh, God.
Fucking tent.
Is that a bear?
- No, it's me.
It's just me.
Listen, I can't do this anymore.
I'm so fucked up.
I'm so fucked up
since I met you.
I just... I got no one, nothing.
It's not right what
we're doing together.
It's not natural. I just...
I wish I knew how to...
Oh, my God, I almost said
quit you. Jesus!
It shouldn't be like this.
It shouldn't fucking
be like this.
Yeah.
Oh.
Oh, yes.
Oh.
- FD's here.
- Oh, my God. I killed Connie.
Wait, where's that from?
- She was just with us.
She was dancing.
- No, she got tired, remember?
- Yeah, I saw her go lie down.
- Shit. So she's sleeping?
- We got one trapped
inside. Let's go.
Move, please. Move, please.
Go, go, go, go, go!
- Oh, my... fuck.
Fuck.
Look at me!
I'm being saved!
Oh, my God.
- Connie!
- What?
I saw everybody else
getting the royal treatment,
so I ducked back in,
and now I'm being saved
by "People's" sexiest man.
- Ew!
You're related to him, Connie.
- Oh, my God.
Thank God, Connie.
- Okay, folks, fire's
been contained.
There is some damage
to the kitchen in 4C.
Could have been worse.
Could have been a lot worse.
Special thanks to Mr. Arroyo
for getting everyone out.
- Lance!
- It's okay. You guys just
had me freaked out, yo!
- Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
I guess he is just that good.
He is truly good,
and I am... bad?
I don't think it could be any
clearer that I am just bad.
What? Hello?
- Hi, there. Good evening.
My name is Angelica Yates.
I'm with the GFP
Board of Jurors.
Is this Brooke Dubek?
- Yeah, this is she.
- I'm calling to inform you
that "ChaseDreams Presents:
A Night of Undeniable Good"
has been selected to receive
the 2023 Peabody Award
for Excellence in Media
in the category
of Public Service.
- What? A Peabody Award?
- Yes. Congrat...
- Oh, my God.
I am good!
Yes!
Brooke Dubek is good!
- My fucking kitchen!
That was incredible.
So much better than
Marvel's Simu Liu.
- Oh, I've missed
you so much, Streety.
- I missed you too, my Patricia.
- But this just
can't happen again.
- No.
No, no, no, because
I thought about it,
and it could be fun that
you always need to wear
prosthetics to go to dinner.
It'll be like every
day is Halloween.
- No.
I just... I can't have
you be part of my family
anymore, Streeter.
I need you to just be my manager
so my family can be my family.
- What do you mean?
I just...
I didn't miss anything
in Ohio except my kids.
I was there, and I realized
I don't have my kids anymore
or not the way I had them.
And everything in my
life can be insane
but not me and them.
We need to be normal.
And if we're normal, then
I can handle the rest.
So first thing tomorrow, I need
to pull out of Cary's movie.
And I need to...
I need to fire
Brooke as my manager.
Okay, good night.
- Uh-oh.