The Office (2005–2013): Season 5, Episode 20 - Dream Team - full transcript
Michael and Pam begin their first day as the Michael Scott Paper Company putting together the rest of the staff and trying to raise money.
You gonna answer that, Kev?
Oh, right. Thanks.
Dunder Mifflin.
This is Kevin.
Please hold
while I transfer you.
Oscar! Your mom!
Charles is having Kevin cover
the phones for a while.
How do I say this
diplomatically?
I think Kevin is doing exactly as
well as anyone might have expected
someone like him to perform
in a position like that.
Please hold.
Andy! Phone call!
No, stay there.
Kev, I thought we nailed the
whole transfer thing earlier.
Yeah, I wrote it on my hand,
but then I washed it.
It is "transfer," "extension,"
and then "transfer" again.
Okay. Andy, get ready.
- Transfer...
- Here we go.
...extension, transfer.
Oh, man!
It is 134!
Kev!
Kev, come on!
Hustle!
Hold on!
You are murdering
the Nard-Dog!
This is Kevin. Please hold,
and I will transfer you.
You're bad
at this, too!
Don't answer that call!
Just transfer
the damn call.
Your call is very
important to us.
Okay, way to go.
My maid died.
Today is my first day at my new job
at Michael Scott Paper Company, Inc.
You know, Apple Computer
started in a garage.
And we're starting
in a condo.
So we already have
a leg up on Apple.
Look, it's official.
Oh, good,
my hooker's here.
I'm kidding! Hi!
Michael, you were
expecting me, right?
Yes, I was.
Yes, I was.
Are you wearing anything
under the robe?
That is inappropriate, Pam.
Come on in.
This looks great, Michael.
Thank you.
Would you like
some French toast?
Yes, please.
What shape?
Square is fine.
All right.
I just wanted to fill you
in on a few details.
As you know, I will be
running the branch
while we search for
Michael's replacement,
so please feel free
to come to me
with any questions
or concerns.
Yeah.
Where will you be staying
while you're in Scranton?
Staying? In a hotel.
Charles, where
were you born?
Actually, I meant questions more about the
day-to-day operations of the company.
Okay? Yeah.
How are operations of the
company, just day-to-day?
Okay, let's go over
non-discretionary cuts, okay, guys?
Thank you. So...
Can you please stop that?
What?
You're breathing
very heavily.
This is how I breathe.
No, it's not...
Okay, Jim Halpert,
I need your eyes up front.
Oh, no, I was just... No, hey,
hey, I just want to hear "yes."
Yes.
Good.
As I was saying...
Oh, no! The new boss
does not find Jim adorable!
Oh.
So, what do you say
we get started?
After breakfast.
I'm full.
So, how are you feeling
about the new company?
I feel good. Wow.
Are you excited about
the new company?
Yeah, I'm excited to
start the company.
After breakfast.
We did that,
so what's next?
Michael, just stop for a second.
Michael, stop for a second.
No, I'm whipping up...
No, I know you are.
Just let me have...
Let go, please.
Just give me...
Fine!
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I can't do this.
This is pathetic, isn't it?
I am such an idiot.
I gave up the only job
I ever loved to do this?
I have egg in my Crocs.
I never see him drink.
I never see him eat.
I don't think he even
uses the bathroom.
Oh, he does. He does.
I feel weak today.
I felt much
stronger yesterday.
Like Benjamin Button
in reverse.
You know, Michael,
when I feel overwhelmed...
I'm not overwhelmed, Pam.
I know. No, I'm saying that
when I feel overwhelmed,
something I like to do
is make a list.
Make a list of
things to do,
and then start with
the easy stuff.
Whatever calms you down.
Okay, first, work out.
And hey, look,
you did that.
Check.
Eat an enormous breakfast.
Check.
Don't patronize me, Pam.
I think you should
get dressed.
I'm not getting dressed.
I'm not getting dressed. I have too
many things to do before I get dressed.
I need to find 100 clients.
Michael,
that seems impossible.
It's totally impossible.
We need to come up with one realistic
thing that we could do today.
Assemble a sales team.
A dream team.
Great.
Okay, Ryan.
No. What? Why?
He's everything I'm not,
and everything I am.
He's the whole package.
No, we're not
gonna hire Ryan.
Um... Oh, Vikram! Best
salesman I've ever met.
Okay. He worked at that
telemarketing place.
We'll find him.
Okay.
Oh, also, we have a meeting this
afternoon with a potential investor.
Really?
Yeah.
We have an investor already?
Maybe.
Barbara Keavis. She invests
in local businesses
and I'm putting together
a little presentation for her.
Michael, that's fantastic.
Yeah, I guess
it's not so bad.
Got a few things cooking.
Um...
Hey! We need to
get you dressed.
I have doubts
about this, too,
but when one person
freaks out,
sometimes it weirdly makes
the other one calmer.
That's one thing I've learned
about relationships.
I hate that I just used
the word "relationship."
Hey! You look great!
Let's go.
All right.
Oh.
You a soccer fan?
Oh, yeah,
I'm so embarrassed.
You weren't supposed to see this.
This is like my secret obsession.
Yeah, well,
that makes two of us.
No way!
Yeah.
I hate soccer.
But guess who doesn't
hate soccer.
Charles Miner.
I was actually in Germany for
the 2006 World Cup finals.
You bastard!
That should have been me!
Yeah, I love the sport. I love the sport.
All right, man.
Cool!
I've never been a kiss-up.
I... It's just not
how I operate.
I mean, I've always
subscribed to the idea
that if you really want
to impress your boss,
you go in there, and you do
mediocre work, half-heartedly.
Next on the list,
open the mail.
Oh, wow, "Michael Scott
Paper Company."
Okay.
Very official.
"Dear Mr. Scott, please be
advised that it is in violation
"of your condominium
agreement to conduct
"a business headquartered
in your residence.
"The penalty, a forfeiture
of residence..."
No, okay,
it's fine, it's fine.
We're just gonna add,
"Find office."
How are we gonna
find an office?
How can we pay
for an office?
Next on the list,
"song parodies."
Okay, okay,
Achy Breaky Fart.
Great, let's sing it
in the car.
No, no, no, no,
My Stumps.
Like My Humps, but with
a guy with no legs.
Yeah.
We can do this.
We can do this.
Whoa, and he just goes, boom, goal!
Yeah, that's... That's Pelé.
You know your soccer, man.
I do.
I prefer Maradona.
Diego Maradona.
Oh, yeah?
From Argentina.
I didn't know we had so many
soccer fans in the office.
I mean, to be fair, I was the first
one to talk about it, but...
Yeah, what about you, Jim?
You a fan of the game?
Oh, no. No, not really.
Well, it's not for
everybody, I suppose.
That's 'cause I'm more
of a player.
Oh, yeah?
You bet.
Really, Jim?
I had no idea
you played soccer.
'Cause you never,
ever talk about it.
- Well, I do. I play.
- Wow!
You can be so
modest sometimes.
Maybe we should
get back to work.
Maybe you and Charles should
kick the soccer ball around.
Maybe we will someday.
Maybe you will tonight after work.
What do you say?
It's a great idea, Dwight.
Great ideas are just part of
what I bring to the table.
I don't try and be
anything that I'm not.
What do you say, Jim? Huh,
want to play some soccer?
Hey, anybody else?
I'm into that.
Sounds fun.
Game on!
Okay.
See you on the field, Jim-bro.
See...
I can't wait!
Yep, I used to play
soccer in school.
From second
to fourth grade.
I was on the orange team.
We got Vikram!
You got me.
Where are we going?
We have a meeting
with an investor today.
Yes, we do,
so get excited.
But I have to go to the
bathroom real quick.
If you'll excuse me,
I'll be right back.
He seems really confident.
He can be.
Confidence...
It's the food of the wise man,
but the liquor of the fool.
Hmm.
I'm looking forward to getting
to know you better, Vikram.
Hey, I would like
a pair of Size 9, please.
It's Michael.
I'm swamped, Michael.
Happy birthday
to Sally in Lane 27.
Okay, imagine a company that has
no memory of your past misconduct,
because they have no files.
He's taking
a long time.
Is it possible
he's bowling?
I mean, you know him
better than I do.
Yes. Yes, it's possible.
Well, he's always been a
lifelong friend... Michael!
What's going on?
I'm...
Hey, Ryan.
Excuse me. Yes?
This wasn't on the list.
Yes, it is.
No.
Yes.
It's not.
It is.
When did you add this
to the list?
Pam, everyone deserves
a second, second chance.
Ryan, just out of curiosity,
how much do you get paid here?
$60,000 a year.
You get paid by the year
at the bowling alley?
What do you make,
secretary?
Back to work, shoe bitch!
I told you guys,
I'm really busy here, so...
Would you like to come to work for
the Michael Scott Paper Company?
What size shoes are you guys?
Uh, nine.
What are those?
A men's 10?
No.
Look what he's doing.
What is he doing?
He's stealing them. Okay, okay.
Oh, my God.
He's already paying for himself.
Sorry!
Where is it?
Right here.
Hey, come on, guys. These are
prime selling hours, you know.
- Miner...
- Oh, there he goes.
...sees his partner.
Yikes.
Halpert, he looks up.
Oh, man!
The famed duo!
He sets him up!
He sets him up!
All right.
Yeah!
Goal!
I can't wait to play
with you.
Oh, it's gonna be
the worst.
Do you guys wanna hear
about Thailand?
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
It was indescribable.
Sounds awesome.
Neat.
What sort of
investing firm is this?
Vikram, you ask a lot of
questions, and I like that.
Hey, Nana! Hi!
Michael!
People turn to their
families all the time
when they need help
starting out.
And if my nana's
investment club can help
the Michael Scott
Paper Company
become a reality, then I'm sure
that's what she would have wanted.
Does want.
Well, I'm sure that you must all
have very, very busy schedules,
so I appreciate you
meeting with us here today.
What this is, is a business that I
have worked toward my entire life.
Hey!
I have assembled
what I believe to be
the most exciting, sought-after
talent in the industry today.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present
to you the dream team.
From our very own Scranton,
Pennsylvania, Pam Beesly.
Pretty Pam is always
reaching for the stars
and someday, she may just
surprise us all and grab one.
Meet Vikram.
From his humble beginnings as a...
Stay standing.
From his humble beginnings
as a prominent surgeon,
he risked it all to become the
most successful telemarketer
in the lipophedrine industry.
And do not call it
a comeback.
The youngest vice president in
the history of Dunder Mifflin,
and recent bowling alley
employee, Ryan Howard,
is about to make
a splash in paper.
So let's hear it.
Okay, I have spent
the last 15 years
learning the ins and outs
of the paper industry.
With a lean, mean fighting
crew and low overhead,
I think I can perform
the same business
at a much, much higher
rate of profit.
How do you expect to turn
a profit in this economy?
By wanting it more,
by working hard...
What's your mission
statement?
My mission is stated
as follows.
I will not be beat.
I will never give up.
I am on a mission.
That is the
Michael Scott guarantee.
Come on, Oscar. What
positions do people play?
Wing.
The leg.
Jim, what do you play?
Left.
Forward or half?
Forward, definitely.
Okay, striker, huh?
Striker!
Let's see what you got in those legs.
All right, let's do it.
All right.
No, no, no. This... No, this
is supposed to be the kickoff.
Kickoff.
My strategy is to touch the
ball as little as possible.
Chalk it up to teamwork.
All right!
And I offer
same-day free delivery.
Michael, I don't know
about this.
Nana, I really think that Papa
would want you to do this.
I'm not so sure.
Well, what is it exactly?
I mean, what... What specifically?
It doesn't have to be paper.
We could sell medicine
and other...
See, this is what
concerns me.
We could just give him a chance.
It's not much money.
Well, this might not be
the right time,
but I need more than
I originally asked for.
This isn't a hand-out club,
it's an investment club.
Okay.
I love you, Michael. I do. Okay.
But no. I mean it. No.
I thought Nana raised
some good questions.
What kind of a name
is Nana?
It means "grandmother."
Oh, sweet Jesus.
Look, I'm sorry
to do this,
but can you drop me back
at the telemarketing building?
You know, Michael,
if you want to succeed,
you've got to
apply the same...
Get him, Jim!
Go, go!
Come on, talk to me, Jim!
- Ah!
- Oh, my God!
Jim, what the...
Phyllis, are you okay?
Are you okay?
No, I swallowed a crown.
- Why'd you duck, Jim?
- Yeah, Jim.
Why would an experienced
soccer player, like yourself,
duck at the very
last moment?
Okay, I'm just gonna go
get some ice.
Does that make you
feel better, huh?
I'm... I'm sorry, Phyllis.
Oh, yeah,
Jim's sorry.
Do you get TNT? The station.
Do you get TNT?
Yeah, I have cable
and satellite as a backup.
Yeah, I know, two
not-so-great things in a row.
Yeah, well, stuff happens, right?
At least we got Ryan.
The Ry-guy.
We should call him
Rye Bread.
We don't have
to call him that.
Unless you like it.
We could call him that.
I can't do this.
What's that?
I can't do this.
I had a real job.
I sat 10 feet away
from my fiancé.
I had health benefits.
I was just feeling
impulsive.
I should have gotten
a tiny tattoo on my ankle.
I just keep getting bored, and I
let things build up and build up,
and then I do something too big, like this.
Who does this?
Well, you know what?
My mom always used to say
that average people are the most
special people in the world.
And that's why
God made so many...
We don't have any money.
We don't have an office.
We don't have anything.
Well, we should
make a list.
Lists are good, lists are
good, lists are good.
First on the list, let's get
you out of the car, all right?
Okay.
How come, out of
everyone in the office,
I'm the only one
who went with you?
Is it because
I'm that stupid?
I mean, your own grandmother
doesn't even believe in you.
I want you
to listen to me.
Because I want to tell you
the situation
that we are both in
right now, okay?
You quit your job, I quit my job.
We both quit.
Those are the facts.
That's what happened.
Now, what are our
choices right now?
Because, you know what,
kiddo? You quit.
Yeah.
So, what are our options?
Well...
We can start this paper company.
We can try.
Or... That's it, that's our
only option, because we quit.
Pam, I do my best work when
people don't believe in me.
I remember
in high school,
my math teacher told me
I was going to flunk out.
And know what I did?
The very next day, I went
out and I scored more goals
than anyone in the history
of the hockey team.
See what I mean? I thrive on this.
I thrive on it.
So I'm going
to go inside,
I'm going to make
some calls,
I'm going to get us
an office space,
and I'm going to show you why you
joined this company, all right?
You've gotta have some extra space.
Billy, work with me here.
There's got to be some sort of secret
office that you have lurking around.
Something awesome and free.
You keep it off the books.
Oh, no. Not there.
That would be humiliating.
I did what I had to do.
I stepped in,
I took charge.
That's what
being a man is.
And earlier today,
I was freaking out.
Pam stepped up.
She was the man.
Don't think a woman
can be a man?
Well, then that's your
stereotype, not mine.
Okay.
I could work here.
I can see this.
It's right in the middle
of the paper belt.
Are you good?
Yeah, I'm good.
Are you good?
I'm good.
You know what they say.
Keep your friends close.
Michael, you're back.
Yes, I am, Charles.
Mmm-hmm.
Except this time, you've no
legal right to kick me out,
because I have started
my very own paper company
right here in the building.
If I were you, Charles Miner,
I would watch your step,
because the Michael Scott Paper Company
is about to open a big old can
of whoop-ass
on Dunder Mifflin.
Actually, a six-pack. We're going
to open a six-pack of whoop-ass.
He looked scared.
Oh, right. Thanks.
Dunder Mifflin.
This is Kevin.
Please hold
while I transfer you.
Oscar! Your mom!
Charles is having Kevin cover
the phones for a while.
How do I say this
diplomatically?
I think Kevin is doing exactly as
well as anyone might have expected
someone like him to perform
in a position like that.
Please hold.
Andy! Phone call!
No, stay there.
Kev, I thought we nailed the
whole transfer thing earlier.
Yeah, I wrote it on my hand,
but then I washed it.
It is "transfer," "extension,"
and then "transfer" again.
Okay. Andy, get ready.
- Transfer...
- Here we go.
...extension, transfer.
Oh, man!
It is 134!
Kev!
Kev, come on!
Hustle!
Hold on!
You are murdering
the Nard-Dog!
This is Kevin. Please hold,
and I will transfer you.
You're bad
at this, too!
Don't answer that call!
Just transfer
the damn call.
Your call is very
important to us.
Okay, way to go.
My maid died.
Today is my first day at my new job
at Michael Scott Paper Company, Inc.
You know, Apple Computer
started in a garage.
And we're starting
in a condo.
So we already have
a leg up on Apple.
Look, it's official.
Oh, good,
my hooker's here.
I'm kidding! Hi!
Michael, you were
expecting me, right?
Yes, I was.
Yes, I was.
Are you wearing anything
under the robe?
That is inappropriate, Pam.
Come on in.
This looks great, Michael.
Thank you.
Would you like
some French toast?
Yes, please.
What shape?
Square is fine.
All right.
I just wanted to fill you
in on a few details.
As you know, I will be
running the branch
while we search for
Michael's replacement,
so please feel free
to come to me
with any questions
or concerns.
Yeah.
Where will you be staying
while you're in Scranton?
Staying? In a hotel.
Charles, where
were you born?
Actually, I meant questions more about the
day-to-day operations of the company.
Okay? Yeah.
How are operations of the
company, just day-to-day?
Okay, let's go over
non-discretionary cuts, okay, guys?
Thank you. So...
Can you please stop that?
What?
You're breathing
very heavily.
This is how I breathe.
No, it's not...
Okay, Jim Halpert,
I need your eyes up front.
Oh, no, I was just... No, hey,
hey, I just want to hear "yes."
Yes.
Good.
As I was saying...
Oh, no! The new boss
does not find Jim adorable!
Oh.
So, what do you say
we get started?
After breakfast.
I'm full.
So, how are you feeling
about the new company?
I feel good. Wow.
Are you excited about
the new company?
Yeah, I'm excited to
start the company.
After breakfast.
We did that,
so what's next?
Michael, just stop for a second.
Michael, stop for a second.
No, I'm whipping up...
No, I know you are.
Just let me have...
Let go, please.
Just give me...
Fine!
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I can't do this.
This is pathetic, isn't it?
I am such an idiot.
I gave up the only job
I ever loved to do this?
I have egg in my Crocs.
I never see him drink.
I never see him eat.
I don't think he even
uses the bathroom.
Oh, he does. He does.
I feel weak today.
I felt much
stronger yesterday.
Like Benjamin Button
in reverse.
You know, Michael,
when I feel overwhelmed...
I'm not overwhelmed, Pam.
I know. No, I'm saying that
when I feel overwhelmed,
something I like to do
is make a list.
Make a list of
things to do,
and then start with
the easy stuff.
Whatever calms you down.
Okay, first, work out.
And hey, look,
you did that.
Check.
Eat an enormous breakfast.
Check.
Don't patronize me, Pam.
I think you should
get dressed.
I'm not getting dressed.
I'm not getting dressed. I have too
many things to do before I get dressed.
I need to find 100 clients.
Michael,
that seems impossible.
It's totally impossible.
We need to come up with one realistic
thing that we could do today.
Assemble a sales team.
A dream team.
Great.
Okay, Ryan.
No. What? Why?
He's everything I'm not,
and everything I am.
He's the whole package.
No, we're not
gonna hire Ryan.
Um... Oh, Vikram! Best
salesman I've ever met.
Okay. He worked at that
telemarketing place.
We'll find him.
Okay.
Oh, also, we have a meeting this
afternoon with a potential investor.
Really?
Yeah.
We have an investor already?
Maybe.
Barbara Keavis. She invests
in local businesses
and I'm putting together
a little presentation for her.
Michael, that's fantastic.
Yeah, I guess
it's not so bad.
Got a few things cooking.
Um...
Hey! We need to
get you dressed.
I have doubts
about this, too,
but when one person
freaks out,
sometimes it weirdly makes
the other one calmer.
That's one thing I've learned
about relationships.
I hate that I just used
the word "relationship."
Hey! You look great!
Let's go.
All right.
Oh.
You a soccer fan?
Oh, yeah,
I'm so embarrassed.
You weren't supposed to see this.
This is like my secret obsession.
Yeah, well,
that makes two of us.
No way!
Yeah.
I hate soccer.
But guess who doesn't
hate soccer.
Charles Miner.
I was actually in Germany for
the 2006 World Cup finals.
You bastard!
That should have been me!
Yeah, I love the sport. I love the sport.
All right, man.
Cool!
I've never been a kiss-up.
I... It's just not
how I operate.
I mean, I've always
subscribed to the idea
that if you really want
to impress your boss,
you go in there, and you do
mediocre work, half-heartedly.
Next on the list,
open the mail.
Oh, wow, "Michael Scott
Paper Company."
Okay.
Very official.
"Dear Mr. Scott, please be
advised that it is in violation
"of your condominium
agreement to conduct
"a business headquartered
in your residence.
"The penalty, a forfeiture
of residence..."
No, okay,
it's fine, it's fine.
We're just gonna add,
"Find office."
How are we gonna
find an office?
How can we pay
for an office?
Next on the list,
"song parodies."
Okay, okay,
Achy Breaky Fart.
Great, let's sing it
in the car.
No, no, no, no,
My Stumps.
Like My Humps, but with
a guy with no legs.
Yeah.
We can do this.
We can do this.
Whoa, and he just goes, boom, goal!
Yeah, that's... That's Pelé.
You know your soccer, man.
I do.
I prefer Maradona.
Diego Maradona.
Oh, yeah?
From Argentina.
I didn't know we had so many
soccer fans in the office.
I mean, to be fair, I was the first
one to talk about it, but...
Yeah, what about you, Jim?
You a fan of the game?
Oh, no. No, not really.
Well, it's not for
everybody, I suppose.
That's 'cause I'm more
of a player.
Oh, yeah?
You bet.
Really, Jim?
I had no idea
you played soccer.
'Cause you never,
ever talk about it.
- Well, I do. I play.
- Wow!
You can be so
modest sometimes.
Maybe we should
get back to work.
Maybe you and Charles should
kick the soccer ball around.
Maybe we will someday.
Maybe you will tonight after work.
What do you say?
It's a great idea, Dwight.
Great ideas are just part of
what I bring to the table.
I don't try and be
anything that I'm not.
What do you say, Jim? Huh,
want to play some soccer?
Hey, anybody else?
I'm into that.
Sounds fun.
Game on!
Okay.
See you on the field, Jim-bro.
See...
I can't wait!
Yep, I used to play
soccer in school.
From second
to fourth grade.
I was on the orange team.
We got Vikram!
You got me.
Where are we going?
We have a meeting
with an investor today.
Yes, we do,
so get excited.
But I have to go to the
bathroom real quick.
If you'll excuse me,
I'll be right back.
He seems really confident.
He can be.
Confidence...
It's the food of the wise man,
but the liquor of the fool.
Hmm.
I'm looking forward to getting
to know you better, Vikram.
Hey, I would like
a pair of Size 9, please.
It's Michael.
I'm swamped, Michael.
Happy birthday
to Sally in Lane 27.
Okay, imagine a company that has
no memory of your past misconduct,
because they have no files.
He's taking
a long time.
Is it possible
he's bowling?
I mean, you know him
better than I do.
Yes. Yes, it's possible.
Well, he's always been a
lifelong friend... Michael!
What's going on?
I'm...
Hey, Ryan.
Excuse me. Yes?
This wasn't on the list.
Yes, it is.
No.
Yes.
It's not.
It is.
When did you add this
to the list?
Pam, everyone deserves
a second, second chance.
Ryan, just out of curiosity,
how much do you get paid here?
$60,000 a year.
You get paid by the year
at the bowling alley?
What do you make,
secretary?
Back to work, shoe bitch!
I told you guys,
I'm really busy here, so...
Would you like to come to work for
the Michael Scott Paper Company?
What size shoes are you guys?
Uh, nine.
What are those?
A men's 10?
No.
Look what he's doing.
What is he doing?
He's stealing them. Okay, okay.
Oh, my God.
He's already paying for himself.
Sorry!
Where is it?
Right here.
Hey, come on, guys. These are
prime selling hours, you know.
- Miner...
- Oh, there he goes.
...sees his partner.
Yikes.
Halpert, he looks up.
Oh, man!
The famed duo!
He sets him up!
He sets him up!
All right.
Yeah!
Goal!
I can't wait to play
with you.
Oh, it's gonna be
the worst.
Do you guys wanna hear
about Thailand?
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
It was indescribable.
Sounds awesome.
Neat.
What sort of
investing firm is this?
Vikram, you ask a lot of
questions, and I like that.
Hey, Nana! Hi!
Michael!
People turn to their
families all the time
when they need help
starting out.
And if my nana's
investment club can help
the Michael Scott
Paper Company
become a reality, then I'm sure
that's what she would have wanted.
Does want.
Well, I'm sure that you must all
have very, very busy schedules,
so I appreciate you
meeting with us here today.
What this is, is a business that I
have worked toward my entire life.
Hey!
I have assembled
what I believe to be
the most exciting, sought-after
talent in the industry today.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present
to you the dream team.
From our very own Scranton,
Pennsylvania, Pam Beesly.
Pretty Pam is always
reaching for the stars
and someday, she may just
surprise us all and grab one.
Meet Vikram.
From his humble beginnings as a...
Stay standing.
From his humble beginnings
as a prominent surgeon,
he risked it all to become the
most successful telemarketer
in the lipophedrine industry.
And do not call it
a comeback.
The youngest vice president in
the history of Dunder Mifflin,
and recent bowling alley
employee, Ryan Howard,
is about to make
a splash in paper.
So let's hear it.
Okay, I have spent
the last 15 years
learning the ins and outs
of the paper industry.
With a lean, mean fighting
crew and low overhead,
I think I can perform
the same business
at a much, much higher
rate of profit.
How do you expect to turn
a profit in this economy?
By wanting it more,
by working hard...
What's your mission
statement?
My mission is stated
as follows.
I will not be beat.
I will never give up.
I am on a mission.
That is the
Michael Scott guarantee.
Come on, Oscar. What
positions do people play?
Wing.
The leg.
Jim, what do you play?
Left.
Forward or half?
Forward, definitely.
Okay, striker, huh?
Striker!
Let's see what you got in those legs.
All right, let's do it.
All right.
No, no, no. This... No, this
is supposed to be the kickoff.
Kickoff.
My strategy is to touch the
ball as little as possible.
Chalk it up to teamwork.
All right!
And I offer
same-day free delivery.
Michael, I don't know
about this.
Nana, I really think that Papa
would want you to do this.
I'm not so sure.
Well, what is it exactly?
I mean, what... What specifically?
It doesn't have to be paper.
We could sell medicine
and other...
See, this is what
concerns me.
We could just give him a chance.
It's not much money.
Well, this might not be
the right time,
but I need more than
I originally asked for.
This isn't a hand-out club,
it's an investment club.
Okay.
I love you, Michael. I do. Okay.
But no. I mean it. No.
I thought Nana raised
some good questions.
What kind of a name
is Nana?
It means "grandmother."
Oh, sweet Jesus.
Look, I'm sorry
to do this,
but can you drop me back
at the telemarketing building?
You know, Michael,
if you want to succeed,
you've got to
apply the same...
Get him, Jim!
Go, go!
Come on, talk to me, Jim!
- Ah!
- Oh, my God!
Jim, what the...
Phyllis, are you okay?
Are you okay?
No, I swallowed a crown.
- Why'd you duck, Jim?
- Yeah, Jim.
Why would an experienced
soccer player, like yourself,
duck at the very
last moment?
Okay, I'm just gonna go
get some ice.
Does that make you
feel better, huh?
I'm... I'm sorry, Phyllis.
Oh, yeah,
Jim's sorry.
Do you get TNT? The station.
Do you get TNT?
Yeah, I have cable
and satellite as a backup.
Yeah, I know, two
not-so-great things in a row.
Yeah, well, stuff happens, right?
At least we got Ryan.
The Ry-guy.
We should call him
Rye Bread.
We don't have
to call him that.
Unless you like it.
We could call him that.
I can't do this.
What's that?
I can't do this.
I had a real job.
I sat 10 feet away
from my fiancé.
I had health benefits.
I was just feeling
impulsive.
I should have gotten
a tiny tattoo on my ankle.
I just keep getting bored, and I
let things build up and build up,
and then I do something too big, like this.
Who does this?
Well, you know what?
My mom always used to say
that average people are the most
special people in the world.
And that's why
God made so many...
We don't have any money.
We don't have an office.
We don't have anything.
Well, we should
make a list.
Lists are good, lists are
good, lists are good.
First on the list, let's get
you out of the car, all right?
Okay.
How come, out of
everyone in the office,
I'm the only one
who went with you?
Is it because
I'm that stupid?
I mean, your own grandmother
doesn't even believe in you.
I want you
to listen to me.
Because I want to tell you
the situation
that we are both in
right now, okay?
You quit your job, I quit my job.
We both quit.
Those are the facts.
That's what happened.
Now, what are our
choices right now?
Because, you know what,
kiddo? You quit.
Yeah.
So, what are our options?
Well...
We can start this paper company.
We can try.
Or... That's it, that's our
only option, because we quit.
Pam, I do my best work when
people don't believe in me.
I remember
in high school,
my math teacher told me
I was going to flunk out.
And know what I did?
The very next day, I went
out and I scored more goals
than anyone in the history
of the hockey team.
See what I mean? I thrive on this.
I thrive on it.
So I'm going
to go inside,
I'm going to make
some calls,
I'm going to get us
an office space,
and I'm going to show you why you
joined this company, all right?
You've gotta have some extra space.
Billy, work with me here.
There's got to be some sort of secret
office that you have lurking around.
Something awesome and free.
You keep it off the books.
Oh, no. Not there.
That would be humiliating.
I did what I had to do.
I stepped in,
I took charge.
That's what
being a man is.
And earlier today,
I was freaking out.
Pam stepped up.
She was the man.
Don't think a woman
can be a man?
Well, then that's your
stereotype, not mine.
Okay.
I could work here.
I can see this.
It's right in the middle
of the paper belt.
Are you good?
Yeah, I'm good.
Are you good?
I'm good.
You know what they say.
Keep your friends close.
Michael, you're back.
Yes, I am, Charles.
Mmm-hmm.
Except this time, you've no
legal right to kick me out,
because I have started
my very own paper company
right here in the building.
If I were you, Charles Miner,
I would watch your step,
because the Michael Scott Paper Company
is about to open a big old can
of whoop-ass
on Dunder Mifflin.
Actually, a six-pack. We're going
to open a six-pack of whoop-ass.
He looked scared.