The Office (2005–2013): Season 3, Episode 4 - Grief Counseling - full transcript

Hey, Ryan.

Can I get you a pencil
from the warehouse?

Uh, no thanks.
I'm good.

Oh, it's okay.
I'm going down.

Um...

Oh.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

All right, I'll be right back.

- Whoo!
- There you go.

Awesome!



- Thank you.
- You're welcome!

Michael, could you get me a pen

from down in the warehouse?

Don't mind if I do.

See you in a minute.

Okay!

Whoo!

There you go,
fresh from the warehouse.

Hey, Michael.

Would you get me some coffee
from the warehouse?

There's coffee
in the kitchen, Pam.

But the warehouse coffee
tastes so much better.

Yeah, it's better.

All right.
All right.



Okay.

I am like Bette Midler
in For the Boys.

Gotta keep the troops
entertained.

With cream and sugar?

All right.

So I wanted to let you know

that we lost Ed Truck.

Oh... kay.

Let me see if I have his cell.

Is this the only reason
you are calling, Jan?

Or does somebody miss me?

Michael... Ed died
over the weekend.

Oh, wow.

Attention, everybody.

I just received a call
from corporate

with some news that they felt
that I should know first.

My old boss,

Ed Truck, has died.

Oh, Michael,
that's such terrible news.

You must feel so sad.

Yes, I am.

It's very sad.

Because he was my boss.

Oh, that's a shame.
Ed was a good guy.

That's right.
You worked with him.

So did Creed.

Well, I'll be in my office.

In case anybody
wants to drop by.

Cheer me up.

So did you hear the news?

The news that you
just announced?

That Ed died?

Yeah.

Is there anything I can do?

Oh, gosh, what can
anybody do, really?

Just... psh.

He was almost 70.
Circle of life.

Yeah.

Oh. Okay.

Yeah.

Mmmmm.

Okay.

What's going on with
Fairfield County Schools?

Karen, did you generate
that price list?

Um... shoot.
Uh, I will. Sorry.

Okay, just get it done.

Jim, will you make sure?

Oh, yeah, definitely.

Suck up!

Ahem!

Josh, did you hear what I said?

Thank you, everyone.

Damn it.

What's up?

Oh, nothing.

They're just out
of Herr's Chips.

Oh.

But don't worry about it.

My snack food doesn't fall

under the umbrella
of your authority.

Mm, that's where you're wrong.

I'm your project
supervisor today.

And I've just decided

that we're not doing anything

until you get the chips
that you require.

So I think we should
go get some.

Now, please.

It's a real shame about Ed, huh?

Yeah. Must really
have you thinkin'.

About what?

The older you get,

the bigger the chance is
you're gonna die.

You knew that.

Ed was decapitated.

What?
Really?

He was drunk as a skunk.

He was flying down Route 6.

He slides under
an 18-wheeler.

Pop, it snaps right off.

Oh, my God.

That is the way to go.

Instant death.
Very smart.

You know, a human can go on
living for several hours

after being decapitated.

You're thinking of a chicken.

What'd I say?

That is just not the way

a Dunder Mifflin manager
should go.

I'm sorry.

Alone, out of the blue.

Not even have his own head
to comfort him.

So I'm not exactly...

sure how to say this.

- Ed was decapitated.
- What are you doing?

You said you didn't
know how to say it.

He...

was driving

on the road.

And he went under a truck.

And that's when his

h-h-head was...

separated from...

the rest of him.

And I will let you know more

as soon as I find out.

Hey.
Hi.

If my head ever comes off,

I would like you
to put it on ice.

I do not want
to talk about this.

When I die,

I want to be frozen.

And if they have to freeze me
in pieces,

so be it.

I will wake up
stronger than ever,

because I will have
used that time

to figure out exactly
why I died,

and what moves I could have used

to defend myself better

now that I know what hold
he had me in.

I don't understand.

We have a day honoring
Martin Luther King.

But he didn't even work here.

I understand
how you feel, Michael.

I really do.

So would it be helpful
to give everyone the day off?

You really don't get it, do you?

You don't understand
these people.

That is the last thing
that they would want

is a day off.

Well, what would you suggest?

A statue.

- Of Ed?
- Yeah.

I'm not sure that's realistic.

Well, I think it would
be very realistic.

It would look just like him.

No, that's not...

We could have his eyes light up.

You could have his arms move.

That is not a statue.
That is a robot.

I think that is
a great way to honor Ed.

And how big
do you want this robot?

Life-size.

Mm, no.
Better make it 2/3.

Easier to stop
if it turns on us.

What the hell
are you two talking about?

Well, we are talking
about how to properly honor

a man who gave his life

as regional manger
of this company, Jan!

You know what, Michael?

I've really
tried with you today.

And I have to get back to work.

Oh, do you?

You know who wished
they could get back to work

is Ed Truck!

But Ed Truck can't
because he is...

- Good-bye.
- dead!

Look... I gave him
a six-foot extension cord,

so he can't chase us.

That's perfect.

Okay, that is a no
on the West Side Market.

Okay, great.
I think that's enough.

Can I... get back
to work now?

Wow. Never pegged you
for a quitter.

I am not a quitter.

I will do this
all day, if you want.

- Really?
- Yeah, all day.

Hey.
What are we doing?

What's the game?
I want in.

Oh, there's no game.

We're just trying to get
these chips for Karen.

Did you check
the vending machine?

Oh, the vending machines?
How did we miss that?

I have no idea.

We went right for the copier.

Mm-hmm. And then we
checked the fax machine.

Yeah, nothing there.

Did you check your butt?

Ooh, can you imagine
how much blood there was?

If it happened right here,

it would reach
all the way to reception.

Probably get on Pam.

- Okay, that's enough.
- What?

We do not want
to hear about this.

Well, you know what?

I didn't wanna
hear about it either, Stanley.

But I did, and now I can't
stop picturing it.

He leaves work.
He's on his way home.

Wham! His cappa is detated
from his head.

You have just spit on my face.

Well, you know what?

There's something wrong
with you.

There is something wrong
with everybody in here.

Because we have lost

a member of our family.

And you don't wanna
talk about it.

You don't wanna think about it.

You just wanna get back to work.

There are five stages to grief.

Which are denial,

anger, bargaining,
depression, and acceptance.

And right now, out there,

they are all denying

the fact that they're sad.

And... that's hard.

And it's making them all angry.

And it is my job
to try to get them

all the way through
to acceptance.

And if not acceptance,
then just depression.

If I can get them depressed,
then I'll have done my job.

I'm going to throw you
this ball.

When you catch the ball,
I want you to say

the name of a person
very important to you,

somebody really special,
who died.

And then I want you to say
how they died.

And you may cry, if you like.

That is encouraged.

Let me just start.
Let me show you how this works.

I catch the ball.

I lost Ed Truck.

And... it feels like somebody
took my heart

and dropped it into a bucket
of boiling tears.

And, at the same time,

somebody else is hitting my soul

in the crotch

with a frozen sledgehammer.

And then a third guy walks in

and starts punching me
in the grief bone.

And I am crying.

And nobody can hear me,

because I am terribly,
terribly...

terribly alone.

Excuse me, I'm sorry
to interrupt.

I need to see Pam.

There seems to be, like,
something wrong

with the radiator in her car.

Okay.

Fine.
Hurry back.

There's nothing wrong
with your car.

I just thought you might
want a break

from the grief
counseling session.

Oh... I would
like a break.

How are you liking the new car?

Great.
Yeah?

It sure is small.

Got air bags?

I think so.

I don't know, I was mainly
focused on the cup holders.

Well, you're still not
driving so fast, are you?

Yeah.

Hi, yeah, this is Mike
from the West Side Market.

Well, we added a shipment

of Herr's
salt and vinegar chips.

And we ordered that about
three weeks ago, and have...

Yeah.

You have 'em in the warehouse?

Great.

What is my store number?

Six.

Wa... no.
I'll call you back.

Shut up.
Six?

Okay, we can start.

You waited for me?

Yeah.

Pam, you're a member
of this family.

So we will wait

for our family members.

Phyllis, you wanna
give it a shot?

I got it.

When my mother
was pregnant with me,

they did an ultrasound
and found she was having twins.

When they did another ultrasound

a few weeks later,

they discovered that

I had re-sorbed
the other fetus.

Do I regret this?
No.

I believe his tissue
has made me stronger.

I now have the strength
of a grown man

and a little baby.

Okay, why don't you
throw the ball to somebody else?

Nope.

Oh, yes, Stanley,
Come on, your turn.

- You have to go.
- I will not!

Okay...

I'm going to

toss the ball

to Pam.

Let's see.

I had an aunt

that I was really close to.

She was this amazing
female boxer.

Um, anyway,
she was injured in a fight,

and she was paralyzed.

So you can imagine
how upset I was...

when I found out

that she asked her manager

to remove her breathing tube

so she could die.

Wow.

If you want to cry, that's okay.

Thanks.
Um...

A few years ago,

my family was
on a safari in Africa.

And, um, my cousin...
Mufasa...

was, um, he was
trampled to death

by a pack of wildebeests.

And, um, we all...
took it really hard.

All of us kind
of in the audience...

of what happened.

Do you wanna
talk about it anymore?

Oh, it would probably
take me, like,

an hour and a half
to tell that whole story.

Me me, me me me.

Yes. Okay.

Um... I was trying
to throw this party once.

And everyone was over
for the weekend.

And then my Uncle Bernie died.

And so me and

my best friend,

we had to pretend
like he was alive.

So...

Wait a second.

That's Weekend at Bernie's.

Do you think that this
is a game?

Well, there is a ball.

All right, we're starting over.

No, I'm done.

You are not leaving!
No, we are not done.

We really have
a lot of work to do.

Yeah, well, you know what?

The guy who had my job has died.

And nobody cares.

And he sat at my desk.

Michael...

Look, I know
this is hard for you.

But death's just a part of life.

I mean, just this morning,
I saw a little bird

fly into the glass doors
downstairs and die.

And I had to keep going.

How do you know?
What?

That that bird was dead?

Did you check...
its breathing?

It was obvious.

Was its heart beating, Toby?

Did you check it?
No, of course you didn't.

You're not a veterinarian.

You don't know anything!

Michael!

Michael!

Michael!

Michael...

Oh, God.

Ohh!
Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!
Come on.

Poor little fella.

- Oh, shoot.
- He's a goner.

- No, he's not.
- Yeah.

No, he's not.

Michael, get him
away from your head!

He is covered
in germs and bacteria!

You can't get
diseases from a bird!

A dead bird should not
be in the kitchen.

We don't know if it's dead.

Uh, no, that thing is dead.

You want me to flush him?

Attention, everybody.

This will only take a second...

of your time.

Today at 4:00 p.m.,

we will be meeting
in the parking lot

to have a funeral service
for this bird.

I have a lot of work to do.

Well... I'm sorry
to inconvenience you,

Meredith.

But that is what you do
when things die.

You honor them.

Toby killed this bird.

And now we are going
to honor it.

- But...
- No! No! No!

That's enough.
You know what?

This bird is dead.

It died alone.

The least you can do

is be there for him now.

Find a box for him.

I'm calling a supermarket
in Montreal.

Nice.

Bonjour, je cherche

de chips de la marque Herr's.

Non?

Oh, merci comme même.

Au revoir.

Nope.

- Sounded good.
- Thanks.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Shh.
Yes, I know.

I know it's been a tough day.

But it's good to let it show.

I mean, how many times
do I have to confirm plans

with Ryan for him to know
that we have a date tonight?

God.

What are...

What are you doing?!

What?

No, this is
about the right size.

No, God, no!
It's not!

What is the matter with you?

Is that the beak?

I'm sorry, I grew up on a farm.

We slaughtered a pig
whenever we wanted bacon.

My grandfather was re-buried
in an old oil drum.

It would've fit if he had
given me another minute.

I need a box.

I need a box, a small box.

Not too confining.

- Is it for the bird?
- Yeah.

I have it covered.

Oh, thank you.

If you want to do something
for the funeral...

Yes, please.

Maybe you could play a song
on your recorder. Excellent.

Do you have it with you?
Always.

Did I wake up this morning
thinking I'd be

throwing together
a bird funeral?

You never can tell
what your day here

is gonna turn into.

Where'd you find them?

Where'd I find what?

I called the manufacturer,

who referred me
to the distributor,

who referred me
to the vending machine company,

who told me that
they sell them in the machines

in the building next door.

Glad you could all make it.

You told us we had to.

Dwight, do you have the box?

Actually, I have it.

You made this?

Wow.

That's...
that's very nice.

When I was five, my mom told me

that my fish
went to the hospital

in the toilet.

And it never came back.

So we had a funeral for it.

And I remember thinking,

"I'm a little too old
for this."

And I was five.

I'd also like
to say a few words,

if that's okay.

Yes.

What do we know about this bird?

You might think,
"Not much, it's just a bird."

But we do know some things.

We know it was a local bird.

Maybe it's that same bird
that surprised Oscar

that one morning with
a special present from above.

Oh, I remember that.
That was so funny.

And we know how he died.

Flying into the glass doors.

But you know what,

I don't think
he was being stupid.

I think he just...

really, really wanted
to come inside our building

to spread his cheer

and lift our spirits
with a song.

- It's not a songbird.
- Shh.

An impression, then.

Lastly, we can't help but notice

that he was by himself
when he died.

But of course, we all know

that doesn't mean he was alone.

Because I'm sure

that there were lots
of other birds

out there who cared for him

very much.

He will not be forgotten.
Amen.

Society teaches us

that having feelings and crying

is bad and wrong.

Well, that's baloney,

because grief isn't wrong.

There is such a thing
as good grief.

Just ask Charlie Brown.

Let's get back to work.

Guys, get a broom.

Let's clean this up.

Grab a broom.

You heard me.
Mush.