The O.C. (2003–2007): Season 2, Episode 13 - The Father Knows Best - full transcript

Previously on The O. C.:

I'm a huge fan
of spontaneous first dates.

I am too.

It's nice to see you two have
grown so close since I've been gone.

Make yourself at home.

Hey, Max?

This is about our marriage.
You and I come first.

She's innocent. And she's my client.

Anything I would tell you about her
could make you an accessory.

You two will be in here together.

And I will be just on the other side
of this soundproof wall.



I blew the comic book...

...and I just completely humiliated
myself in front of Summer.

Officials noted if parties
are not back to the bargaining table-

Oh, dude, please turn that off.

- Seth.
- I'm sleeping.

Tell me that you weren't
watching movies all night.

I wasn't, man.
Just Darkman and Hellboy...

...and the first two Matrixes.

Matrices.

What's the plural of Matrix?

Here.

It's coffee.

You need to get in the shower.
We've got school.

- I took a shower yesterday.
- No.



I took a shower the day
before yesterday.

- I'm making you a bagel.
- No.

You need to eat.

My body will tell me
when it needs food.

Just like it's telling you
when it needs a shower?

- Do you not see what's going on here?
- You've been wallowing since San Diego.

- Enough's enough.
- I'm not wallowing.

I'm agonizing.
The two are vastly different.

- Really?
- Yeah. See, wallowing...

...that's like lounging around,
eating ice cream, watching VH1.

But agonizing,
it's more like MTV2, okay.

It's no frills. It requires discipline.

Days of no sleep, no food.

- No showering.
- Sitting there...

...thinking and wondering,
hour after hour...

- ... if Zach and Summer...
- Don't.

...had sex in the hotel room
right next to mine.

And you did. Amazing.

They spent the night in the room right
beside mine. How can I not wonder?

You can obsess about it for the rest
of your life. You'll never know.

No, you're right.
Of course, you're right.

I have to let it go because
there's no way I will know.

- Unless I ask Summer.
- What?

Yeah. It came to me during Hellboy.
It's the uncertainty that's killing me.

It won't be uncertainty killing
you if you ask Summer.

No, Seth! You can't ask her.

It's weird, it's creepy,
and it's none of your business.

You're right.

I don't know what I was thinking.
It's just lack of sleep or something.

I'll ask Zach.

Sync by vNaru

- Have you seen Seth?
- Oh, I've smelled him.

Smells like teen spirit to me.

Well, I tried talking to him.

But he just shared this long-winded
review about some movie called Hellboy.

Well, that sounds like lady drama.

There seems to be a lot
of that going around.

Still not ready to forgive and forget.

Well...

I better go and pay
my respects to Max.

You want some company?

Some more company?

I... I don't think
that would be such a good idea.

Max was important to you.
So he's important to me.

- I'd be happy to go to his service.
- There's not a service.

- What?
- Well, Rebecca could never go.

The feds would be waiting for her.

It's just gonna be the two of us.

- The two of you?
- Look, I...

I know...

I know it sounds a little weird.

Beyond weird, Sandy.

Please just hang
in there a little longer.

Please.

Give my condolences to Rebecca.

I'm gonna see why
my dad keeps calling.

Maybe I can help him
with his lady drama.

Don't tell me to calm down.
You're the one rushing into this.

For God's sake, Cal, you almost died.

You need to be seeing a therapist.

- Thank you, Julie. That is quite enough.
- Kirsten.

- Lindsay.
- Hey.

Caleb called me last night
and asked me to come over.

Do you know what this is about?

- No.
- I am your wife, remember?

- Maybe we should go into my office-
- Lindsay. Kirsten. Please.

- Thank you for coming.
- Maybe we should come back.

That's not necessary.
Julie and I are finished.

I asked you to come here
because I want to tell you-

As long as Lindsay agrees to it.

- I would like to formally adopt her.

- Oh, my God.
- Dad, that's...

I'm speechless.

Well, you may ask, why now?

- Isn't it kind of sudden?
- Yeah.

Well, actually, it's quite the opposite.

After my heart attack, I realized that
something could happen at any time.

This way, Lindsay will be a legal heir.

- I'll know she'll be taken care of.
- I told you...

...you have nothing to worry about.
I will take care of her.

- I saw that, Kirsten.
- This is about more...

...than financial security.

All through my illness, you stood by me.
Now it's my turn.

I would be proud to tell the world
that I'm your father.

- I don't know what to say.
- It's a big step.

Should you decide you want to take it,
a party would certainly be in order.

Don't you, Juju?

If you'll excuse me, I have work to do.

Welcome to the family, Lindsay.

Hey, man.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Seth, how you doing?
- Good.

Good. Fantastic.

So listen, I know we haven't
had a chance to talk since San Diego.

I figured I would take
this opportunity to clear the air.

You know, don't worry about it.

You, me, Summer, working
on a comic book together.

- It's probably not the best idea.
- Absolutely. I couldn't agree more.

And this way, you know,
we can still be friends.

- Exactly.
- Yeah.

So you guys have...

- ... a good time the rest of the weekend?
- Yeah, we had a great time.

Great. Great. Glad to hear it.

So, what,
I'm guessing a couple good meals...

...a trip to Sea World,
maybe a trip to the zoo.

- A little sex.
- What?

- What? Is that a yes?
- Seth.

You don't even have to vocalize it.

- Just blink once if you did.
- What are you doing?

Nothing.
I'm just making conversation.

I thought you were trying to figure out
if Summer and I had sex in San Diego.

What? I would never do that.
That's creepy and boundary-crossing.

And I would never do that.

Good.

- Come on.
- I gotta go to class.

- Zach, Zach, Zach. Just wait-
- Seth.

Go home and get some rest.

Seriously.

It meant a lot to him
that you were trying to help me.

But, now that he's gone,
you don't need to try.

I am gonna help you
with your case.

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a guy
at the FBl. Things are finally happening.

But we've got to let go of the past.

Focus on your future.

What happened the other night...

...it can't happen again.

I know. I understand.

He always wanted to be
scattered over the ocean.

Well...

Newport Beach is
honored to have him.

Goodbye, Dad.

You are not going to believe this.

My dad wants to adopt me.

- What?
- Yeah.

He told Kirsten and me this morning.

- Isn't that great?
- Yes.

It's great.

- You don't think so.
- No. That's a little fast.

Well, I know. He totally admitted that
we still have a lot of work to do, but...

He was so sweet about
wanting to provide for me...

...and have everyone
know he was my dad.

- And it was amazing.
- Sounds it. Was Julie there?

Yeah, you should have seen
the look she gave me.

- Like I was a scheming fortune hunter.
- That's what she understands.

Why should I care?
It's not like she's adopting me.

You don't want Julie Cooper
as an enemy.

And I say that having had Julie Cooper
as an enemy.

- So you don't think I should do it.
- No, I didn't say that.

Ryan, I've been dreaming
of this my whole life.

That I'd- I'd find my dad...

...and he'd really want to be my dad.

I mean, that's what matters, right?

Yeah.

Thank you.

That means a lot.

- Mrs. Cohen?
- Yes. Can I help you?

We're Agents Stonerock and Tudor
from the FBl. Do you have a minute?

You're not supposed
to sneak up on people.

- Oh, yeah? Why is that?
- Because they might be angry.

So my friends are coming
down this weekend.

And I was gonna have a little party.

Wow, how very Newport of you.

No, I was thinking that maybe
you would want to invite Summer.

Sure. Okay.

Oh, no.
You haven't told her about us, have you?

- I was going to.
- It's-

I assumed because she's
your best friend. But it's no big deal.

You've got to wait till you're ready.

I'm ready, okay?

Like you said, she's my best friend.

I tell her everything.

Just make sure your party
doesn't suck, okay?

Do we have guests?

Special Agent Jill Stonerock.

- The FBl was here.
- It wouldn't be the Cohen house...

...if there wasn't a visit from
someone in law enforcement.

What'd you tell them?

So now you're cross-examining me?

I told them Professor Bloom
came here two weeks ago...

- ... and asked you to clear Rebecca.
- That's it?

You mean, did I tell them
where Rebecca is staying?

No, I did not.

I'm protected. I'm her lawyer.

But if you withhold information,
you could be prosecuted.

Are you worried I'd withhold
information or tell them too much?

It's not a choice between
protecting you and Rebecca.

Oh, I think it is.

And I think you've made
that choice, Sandy.

- What is it? I have a lot of work to do.
- We need to talk.

If you mean about my adopting Lindsay,
I think you made your position very clear.

I seem to be the only one
trying to protect you.

After my heart attack,
it was Lindsay at my bedside.

- You were at a spa in Nice.
- You can hold that against me...

...for the rest of our lives.
I am not going to let you rush into this.

For starters, and this may be painful,
you need to redo the paternity test.

- Medical advancements-
- There was no paternity test.

- What?
- There was no need.

Do I need to tell you how
transparent your motives are?

After all the money you've paid out
over these years with no proof?

I just thought you were a better
businessman than that.

Renee is an honest woman.

The kind of honest woman who
has an affair with a married man?

Look.

Lindsay probably is your daughter.

Don't you think you have a responsibility
to this family you're sure about...

...before diving into this?

I'll think about it.

That's all I wanted.

Hey, so you never told me
how San Diego was.

Two nights in a hotel?

Well, let's just say,
little Zach is full of surprises.

Well, I see.

I feel bad that I left you
alone on Valentine's.

What kind of friend am I?

Oh, it's okay.
Don't worry about it.

- Actually, I wasn't alone.
- What?

Have you been holding out on me?
Who were you with?

No, no. I was...

I was with my mom, that's all.

So listen.

What are you doing tomorrow night?

Nothing, why?

Well, there's this thing.
A party thing.

Well, there's always a party thing.
Who's throwing it?

Caleb.

Party at Caleb's.
That sounds awesome.

Yes! Maybe a little shuffleboard?
A little bingo?

- I thought you'd help keep me company.
- Sure. No problem.

Oh, sorry. It's Zach.

Yeah, the Crab Shack sounds perfect.

My stomach is about to eat itself.

No, I haven't seen Cohen. Why?

Well, he always smells kind of weird.
What do you-?

What? He asked you what?

My God- Yeah, okay. Bye.

Lunch is gonna have to wait. I have
to go kick Cohen's pervy little ass.

Hey, Ross.

It's good to see you.

- Thanks for making the trek from L.A.
- No problem.

Any excuse to get out of the office.

- How's Kirsten?
- She's fine.

Despite the chat she had last night
with your colleagues.

You think I sent them? Come on.

You asked me to inquire
about Rebecca Bloom.

- People got curious.
- Well, fair enough.

- So, what'd you find out?
- Even if she turns herself in...

...cooperates, she's still
gonna do serious time.

- Even if we can prove she wasn't there?
- A man died, Sandy.

And it was her key
that let them in the lab.

What'd you expect? A judge
is gonna let her walk? No chance.

Can we talk as friends for a second?

I thought we were.

I did my homework.

- You were involved with Rebecca Bloom.
- I was.

- Over 20 years ago.
- That's right.

A woman who's been on the run
for 20 years meets this knight...

...who wants to help her. You have
any idea what you're getting into?

Of course I do.

Her father was a dear friend of mine.

- I owe him.
- What about what you owe your family?

Your wife? If you think
you know this woman, you don't.

- She could bring you down.
- Well, thanks for your help.

And keep your people
away from my wife.

Hi. Renee, right? Lindsay's mom?

I'm Julie Cooper-Nichol.
Caleb's wife.

- How can I help you?
- Actually, I thought I could help you.

It's this adoption business.
I wanted to give you a heads-up.

It looks like Caleb is going to ask...

- ... for a DNA test after all.
- What?

No one is suggesting
that Caleb isn't the father.

You would have said something, right?

All these years you've
been taking his money.

God, otherwise, that would be
like fraud, wouldn't it?

- What exactly are you implying?
- Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.

Just, well, if you do have
any doubts...

...about how the test
might affect Lindsay...

...maybe this adoption
isn't such a great idea.

I'm sure you could come up
with a way to talk her out of it.

Thank you for your advice.
If you don't mind-

Mom, who's there?

- Julie.
- Lindsay.

I came by to remind your mom
about the party tomorrow night.

I hope she can make it.

- I'll try.
- You do that.

Well, anyway, I should run.
You two take care.

What a cute little house.

We should put garlic up
in case she comes back.

Definitely.

Yeah?

You asked my boyfriend
if we had sex?

- What is wrong with you?
- I'm sorry!

That is creepy!
You know how creepy that is?

- Enough with the pillow.
- Seriously, what is wrong with you?

What's wrong with me?
Summer, look at me.

Since I got back from San Diego...

...I've eaten raisins
and a pack of CornNuts.

I haven't showered. I've slept like
four hours in the last five nights.

- Cohen.
- What?

Look, Zach is my boyfriend.
You're not.

That part of my life
does not belong to you.

Yeah, I know that. Okay? I know.

And it's weird, and it's creepy,
I know. And, you know, I'm sorry.

I am very sorry.

Well, good. You should be.

You're ripping up your drawings?

Yeah, why not?

I'm only saying this for the people
that have to live with you.

Take a shower, Cohen.

Zach and I didn't have sex.

Hi. I had a feeling I'd see you again.

You wanna come in?

- I'm really sorry about your father.
- Thank you.

Sandy didn't tell me
you were coming by.

Are you in love with my husband?

Wow, direct.

I'm guessing Sandy
doesn't know you're here.

I'm sorry, I just-

Yes, I am.

I always have been.

Wow, direct.

If you came by to find out if
anything's happened between us...

...the answer's no.

I'm really sorry for everything
that you've had to go through.

But while you've been running...

...we've been building a family, a life.

And he's putting all that
in danger for you.

So you've just got to ask yourself...

...how much are you willing
to let him sacrifice?

- Ms. Wheeler.
- Ryan, hi.

Is Kirsten or Sandy here?

No. But if you want to wait...

Actually, I was hoping to talk to you.

I need you to help me talk
Lindsay out of the adoption.

- What?
- She won't listen to me.

She thinks I'm jealous.
Then we got into this fight.

I mean, we never fight.
Just, if you'd talk to her...

- Well, why would she listen to me?
- Because she trusts you.

And you know Caleb.

You know what he's like.

I don't know.
I know what you mean about Caleb.

But he has seemed different
since his heart attack.

And Lindsay wants this so badly.

What is it?

If she goes through with it...

...Caleb's gonna ask for a DNA test.

- Does Lindsay know?
- Not yet.

I love my daughter, Ryan.
And I...

I don't regret anything I've done,
but...

She can't take that test.

Is...?

- Is Caleb-?
- He-

I really don't know.

Sandy. Thanks for coming in.

Well, I don't know, Cal. Meeting
at an empty office on a Sunday.

It looks suspicious.

What I have to talk to you
about is very private.

Well, who wants to arrest you now?

What, the DEA? Immigration?

The Park Service?
You've been poaching elk at Yosemite?

What can you tell me
about getting a DNA test?

No.

The adoption party's in eight hours.

The papers won't come
through for a couple of weeks.

- That's enough time.
- You didn't do a test...

- ... when Renee got pregnant?
- No.

It was an affair.
I was trying to save my marriage.

The last thing I wanted was
a record of my infidelity.

For 17 years you've been paying the bills.

The day you're announcing it,
you want proof. How do you think...

- ... Lindsay's gonna take this?
- I think she'd want to know the truth.

Oh, cut it out. She thinks
she's getting a father. Not a blood test.

You brought me here
for my legal opinion. Here it is.

Ask for the test.

Now, you're a wealthy man
with a family.

It'd be irresponsible to do otherwise.

But as a father...

...I say, ask yourself if you love the girl.

If you do, nothing else matters.

- Hello.
- You weren't expecting me until later...

- What's going on?
- Party got started a little early.

I thought they weren't coming
till tonight. But, everyone...

- ... this is Marissa.
- Hi.

- How are you?
- Hi.

- Come in. Let me get you a drink.
- Oh, no.

You know, I actually can't stay.

What are you talking about?

Well, I just came by to say hi.

I'll call you later.

It was nice meeting you.

Bye.

Marissa! What are you doing?

- Stay.
- No, no, I can't. I'm gonna be late.

You're gonna come back, right?
I want you to meet my friends.

And that in there didn't really count.

Well, I'll try. But Caleb's
having this party at our house-

- Wait. You're ditching me for Caleb?
- Well, not just Caleb.

- My mom will be there too.
- Wow. Now it's Caleb and your mom?

Listen, Marissa,
I understand if you're freaked out.

That's okay. You have to tell me.

But this hanging with your parents,
that's not you.

I'll just be there a little while, okay?
I'll just go, score some points.

That way they can't bitch
when I come and see you. Right?

Have fun at your party.

Tell Caleb and Julie I said hi.

Zach, hey. Over here.

- Hey, thanks for coming.
- No problem.

I meant to wait, but I'm starving.

- Yeah, you look like you're feeling better.
- Yeah, well, I am. I am.

I just wanted to apologize
about the other day, okay?

- I feel like I was out of line.
- No, it's okay. I don't blame you.

Look, Summer and I didn't
have sex in San Diego-

Zach.

- I don't think we should talk about this.
- I know. It's just...

After you asked me,
I started thinking about it.

And it's, like,
there we were, you know.

Two of us in a hotel room
on Valentine's Day.

It seemed like the perfect moment.
So why did I hold back?

I mean, I know why I held back.

It's this "no sex before marriage"
thing...

...which, not that I'm a crazy,
religious guy or anything like that.

It was always something
I sort of believed in.

But I thought you and the tutor...

No, no. I didn't say
we had sex, man.

I was 14, she was 30.

But, look, Seth.
What you made me realize is...

...I wasn't waiting for marriage.

I was just waiting
for the perfect moment.

A harmony of girl and place.

Oh, yeah, oh, harmony.
That's fine.

I mean, I liked the hotel room
in San Diego, but a villa in Tuscany...

I mean, that's pretty perfect.

That's awesome.
So, what you're saying is then...

...that when you two go to Italy,
you'll achieve this harmony.

I just want to be straightforward
with you, Seth, okay?

So you can plan
your freak-out accordingly.

If you want to punch me in the face
right now, I'd be okay with that.

Enjoy.

I'm gonna go home, watch some VH1.

I think Best Week Ever is on.

Hi.

- Thanks for meeting me.
- Yeah.

I was happy
to get out of the house.

My mom and I got in this huge fight.

So I figured I'd get ready
for the party at my dad's.

What's up?

I wanted to talk to you
for a minute before everything.

Are you sure this adoption's
the best idea?

- What?
- Right now.

I mean, I know Caleb
seems like he's changed.

And I know I've said this before.

But it just seems like it's a little fast.

This is great.

First my mom and now you.

What is everyone's problem?
He's my dad. He wants to adopt me.

- If you gave it a little more time.
- Why?

So, what, we can go bowling?

Attend a father-daughter picnic.
I mean, I've been waiting for 17 years.

I get it. It's just...

You think it's fast.

That I don't know Caleb.

That Julie's evil. I've heard it all.

What else is there?

What don't I know, Ryan?

- Lindsay.
- You know...

...tonight's probably one of the most
important nights of my life.

And I only want people
there who support me.

So maybe I'll see you.

So, guys, what's the big mystery?

Why are we all gathered here?

Well, if I told you, it would
no longer be a mystery, would it?

Excuse me.

You should get another glass
of champagne.

Because this is one surprise you won't
find already posted on the Internet.

Is it weird that nobody
knows why they're here?

Yeah, well, that's my dad.

He loves the surprise announcement.

Well, I haven't seen your mom yet.

Oh, yeah.

She's not coming.

Oh, no.
Is she okay with everything?

Kirsten, is Sandy here yet?

No, not yet. He's coming
with the boys. Why?

I have something I want
to discuss with him.

- Business.
- Oh, it's a really nice party.

Yeah, thanks. Enjoy yourselves.

Well, it looks like everyone's
a little nervous.

Hey, Rebecca.
I brought you some Chinese.

Seriously, what was I thinking?

Summer was in the hotel room, saying,
"I can't. I'm still in love with Seth. "

- Well, weren't you?
- That was a rhetorical question.

- Thanks.
- Come to the party. Get your mind off it.

My mind off Summer and Zach
going to Tuscany to have sex...

- ... and fall more in love than they are?
- Why don't I stay here?

- We can hang out.
- You can't skip the party.

- Lindsay doesn't want me there.
- Of course, she does.

Besides, you know what?
I'm fine now. I really am.

I finally realized that it's over between
me and Summer. I'm just venting.

You think you should
be venting this to Summer?

Hell, no.

Last time I tried to talk to her...

...she nearly decapitated me
with my pillow.

- I'm just saying, if you want closure.
- No. Closure's overrated.

I'm more of a fan
of open-ended unrequited love.

Okay, fine. I'll go talk to her.

But if I don't come back alive...

...my blood is on your hands.

My blood, your hands.

- I'm gonna go now.
- It'll never wash off.

Your hands.

Come in!

Well, there you are.

What's up with inviting someone
to a party and then hiding in your room?

Sorry. I just couldn't face it.

- Where's Zach?
- I don't know. Confession?

What's wrong?

Remember how I said that in
San Diego Zach was full of surprises?

Surprise. Zach doesn't believe
in sex before marriage.

- What?
- Yeah.

But now, apparently,
he's changed his mind.

Guess who's going
to romantic Tuscany next week?

Well, that's okay, isn't it?

- You said you wanted to.
- Well, I did.

It's just that
when we were about to...

There was this voice in my head.

- Seth?
- And I couldn't get rid of him.

And then Zach said he couldn't have
sex, and I didn't want to explain it.

So I made him believe
that I still wanted to.

- But now-
- Well, hey, look.

Tell him you've changed your mind.
Zach will understand.

I know.

I should just trust him.

I mean, he at least
deserves that, right?

Right?

- I've been dating Alex.
- What?

I mean, Alex and I, we've been dating.

- What?!
- Just for a couple of weeks.

Alex?

Seth's Alex?

- Girl Alex?
- Yeah.

Well, who knows?

Just you.

So you and Alex.

So are you...?

- Are you like a...?
- No, no. I don't know. I was just...

I really like her.

Well, she is pretty hot.

Hey, look, you don't have
to say anything. I just...

I really needed to tell you.

We're still friends, right?

Of course we are.

Come here.

This isn't turning you on, right?

Ms. Wheeler?
What are you doing here?

I have to tell her.

All right, all right. I'll go get her.

Bring her out.
It'll be less public.

Ryan. Hey, you came.

Of course I did.

Everyone's out by the pool.

Oh, great. Wait. Can you...?

Can you come out front
with me for a second?

- What?
- It's your mom.

She's here. She wants to talk to you.

So, what, are you and my mom
working as a team now?

She's upset, all right?

Okay. Well, since you're
just here delivering messages...

...you can let her know
that in a few minutes...

...my dad's announcing
he's adopting me.

And I'd really like it if she was there.

But, if she's not, I have
one parent who supports me.

Okay, you can't-
You can't let him adopt you.

What are you talking about?

He might not be your dad.

- What?
- Your mom told me yesterday.

I just didn't know
how to say anything.

- No, that's not true. No.
- I'm sorry.

- Lindsay-
- Stop it.

Why are you doing this?

Hello, folks. Hey.
Will you excuse us for a second?

Excuse me.

- Is everything okay?
- Well, you tell me.

Rebecca is gone.
What did you say to her?

- What?
- You went to see her.

- What did you say to her?
- Sandy, this isn't the time or the place.

"Sandy, I talked to Kirsten.

I can't allow you
to put your family at risk. "

- You have no idea what you've done.
- Don't put this on me.

You could have gotten
her another lawyer.

But you couldn't let go.

I was trying to clear her name.

Tell me what you said.

I asked her if she
was in love with you.

And she said she was.

And you knew it.
You knew it the whole time.

I can't help how she feels.

- It's not how I feel.
- Sandy, you're asking me to believe you.

Trust you.

So do you trust me?

At the moment...

...I'm not so sure.

Then we have much bigger problems.

- Yes?
- Hi.

Sorry, I was looking for you.

Would you sit down?

I just thought maybe we could make
the announcement now, you know?

Just- Just get it over with.

I mean, that's...

- That's all right, isn't it?
- Lindsay, sit. Please.

Or...

We can wait a little.
So that's...

That's fine too.

I know how much that you've
been looking forward to this day.

But I've been thinking.

I believe that it would be
best for everyone...

...if we postponed this adoption.

What?

Why? I mean...

- ... what did I do?
- Nothing.

But you have to understand,
for a man in my position...

...why I would require
that we do a few tests...

...for safety.

You don't think I'm your daughter.

- Have you talked to my mom?
- I need you to stay calm.

She doesn't know you like I do.
She'll say anything...

- ... to keep this from happening.
- You are misreading my intentions.

It doesn't mean
I don't want to adopt you.

It's just that I...

I believe in taking every precaution.

And I insist that we do.

For everyone's sake.

I don't need to take a test.

Because I know that my real dad
would not treat me this way.

Lindsay.

Oh, honey.

You stay here.

I'll cover for you, okay?

Lindsay!

Lindsay!

Linds-

Excuse me, may I have
your attention, please. Thank you.

I know you're all wondering why
we've asked you here this evening.

Well, it is my pleasure to announce
that the Newport Group...

...under my leadership...

...is about to launch its
very own lifestyle magazine.

Newport Living will profile hot Orange
County trends, events and fashion...

...as determined by me
and my staff of, well, me.

Thank you.
Thank you so much for coming.

Hi.

Where is everyone?

Oh, it turns out I wasn't
in the mood for a party.

So the girls went out.

- How was Caleb's?
- Pretty much awful.

- Listen, I got freaked out.
- I know.

It's just, I tried to tell Summer,
and I couldn't.

Yeah. And then I came here
thinking we'd talk about it.

And you got even more freaked out.

I just figured, if I can't
even tell my best friend...

...maybe I'm not ready for this.

So you're here to break up with me?

Then I told her.

Wait, you told Summer about us?

- So where did your friends go?
- Seriously?

Well, you still want me
to meet them, don't you?

Relationships are like geese.

- They fly north in the winter.
- So true.

What are you talking about?

- You 're not going anywhere.
- What?

I was talking metaphorically.
It's unnatural to expect-

Cohen.

What are you doing here?

- I thought I told you to shower.
- I just came by...

...so you can get one long, final look...

...since you will never,
ever see me like this again.

- Gee, promise?
- Yeah, I do.

I was under the illusion that
there may still be something here.

But I know now that it was Zach who
didn't want to have sex in San Diego.

So I was suffering for nothing.

Have a great time in Italy. Have all
the fun you want. I'm cool with it.

I'm over you.

Well, good.

Good, because, well, I think
that's where we both need to be.

I do too, which is, you know,
why I came down here.

I just wanted to lay it all out.

Well, I'm glad you did...

...because now I can leave
knowing that you're okay.

Yeah, I'm fine.

So we're parting amicably,
which is good. It's nice.

- See you, Cohen.
- Yeah, all right.

See you, Summer.

Send me a postcard.

Okay.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Is your mother home?

No.

- What are you watching?
- Hellboy.

- What's it about?
- See, Hellboy was adopted...

...by this scientist
and raised to be a hero-

But it turns out his destiny
is to open the gates of hell, so...

So he tries to do good, but he usually
ends up destroying everything.

Well, that's my kind of hero.

So...

How was your night?

Sucked. Summer hates me.

And yours?

Lindsay hates me.

Well, how about some Chinese?

- Take the edge off.
- I can't. It's...

Yeah.

Me neither.