The O.C. (2003–2007): Season 1, Episode 13 - The Best Chrismukkah Ever - full transcript

Previously, on The O.C.:

Would you say
you drink a lot?

I guess, I mean,
what's "a lot"?

Have you had so much to drink
that you blacked out?

How much is the land trust
offering me for Balboa Heights?

That's it? That's your whole
dog-and-pony show?

What are you doing Saturday?

What are you doing
Saturday night?

-I've a date with Summer.
-What are you doing Friday night?

So, what's it going to be, huh?

You want your menorah
or a candy cane, hmm?



Christmas or Hanukkah?

Uh... um...

Uh! Don't worry about it, buddy

because in this house,
you don't have to choose.

Allow me to introduce you
to a little something

that I like to call...
Chrismukkah.

Chrismukkah?

Right. It's a new holiday, and
it's sweeping the nation.

SANDY:
Hey, fellas, we got the tree.

Or at least the living room.

Guys, a little help?

I saved a spot for
you right there.

Put your muscle into it.

Excellent. To the right a
little. Don't hurt it.



Those needles
are brittle.

That's perfect.

You guys, you guys-- "A+."

"A+." I love the holidays.
I love them all.

We didn't really know
how to raise Seth.

Yeah, so I
raised myself,

and in doing so, I created
the greatest superholiday

known to mankind, drawing on
the best that Christianity

and Judaism
have to offer.

And you call it Chrismukkah.

Just hearing you say it
makes me feel all festive.

Allow me to elaborate.

You see,
for my father here,

a poor struggling Jew
growing up in the Bronx.

Well, Christmas meant
Chinese food and a movie.

And for my mom over here--
WASPy McWASP--

Well, it meant a tree,
it meant stockings and all the trimmings.

Isn't that right?
We're very proud.

I'm not a WASP.
Sure, you're not.

Other highlights
include eight days of presents

followed by one day
of many presents.

So, what do you think?

Uh, sounds great for you guys.

For you, too.

Hey, dip a toe
in the Chrismukkah pool.

There's room
for all of us.

Isn't there something
in the Atwood family tradition

that you would like to include
in Seth's uber holiday?

Yeah.

Atwood and holidays
is not a good combination.

What did you guys do?

No, seriously,
thanks, but uh...

Come on, man, there's got
to be something.

My holiday memories
pretty much consist

of my mom drunk
and me getting my ass kicked.

Well, this year
will be entirely different.

KIRSTEN:
New memories.

It'll be great.

Yeah. Well, whatever
you want me to do, I'll do.

That's the spirit.
Come here.

Oy, humbug.

It's a big holiday for anyone.

Yeah, I'm still wrapping my
head around it.

Just give him sometime.

Why don't we, uh,
trim the tree?

You know what, you guys?

Soon Ryan will learn the magic
of Chrismukkah.

Worry not. I will convert him.

(piano and acoustic guitar
strumming gentle melody)

S01E13
The Best Chrismukkah Ever

* California, here we come

* Right back where
we started from *

* California

* California...

* Cal...

* Oh

I was in the shower
for five minutes.

How did this place
turn into Santa's workshop?

I see someone took down
the wreath I hung on the door.

It fell. What are
you wrapping?

Two Seth Cohen starter packs.

We got Death Cab, Bright Eyes,
The Shins, Cavalier and Klay

and we got Goonies.
It's not just for kids, Ryan.

It's not. I don't care
what they tell you.

Summer and Anna are going
to love them both equally.

You're getting Summer and Anna
the same thing?

Yes, I am. Sometimes I'm so
crafty I surprise myself.

No good can come of this.
You know that, right?

Nope, I don't.
You're going to have to choose.

Hey, not on Chrismukkah
I don't, okay?

There's no choosing
in Chrismukkah.

Well, you didn't
get me anything, right?

No.

(tuneless whistling)

Come on, man. Lighten up.

Okay, fine.
Stay dark. Dark works, too.

(tuneless whistling)

Oh, Ryan,
what is your shoe size?

Why?
No reason.

Mother, might that be
a Chrismukkah list?

No. Why do you ask?

Let me just see it then,
real fast.

It's work.

I love your work.
It fascinates me.

I thought
you guys said no gifts.

Well, we did,
as in no gifts for us.

Alright, alright.

Well, Chrismukkah's ruined.

Ah! Don't even say it, man.

Come on.
Chrismukkah is unruinable.

It's got twice the resistance
of a normal holiday.

Your father refused our
settlement offer he

wants to go to trial.

Yesterday he said that
if you met his offer...

Yeah...as of this morning,
he wants to go to court,

which means I have to
spend the holidays

going through file boxes
and preparing for trial.

With Rachel out of town...
Chrismukkah is ruined.

Sooner or later, we will get
through a holiday around here.

Stop it, right now.
Don't give up

on the miracle
that is Chrismukkah.

What is happening to you...?

You'll see.
You'll see, too.

You'll all see. You'll all see.

You're really starting
to scare me.

I'm okay with that.

Okey-dokey, here we go.

Which tie?

What are you thinking?

This one? Alright?

Or...?

(whistles)

Uh, the second one, definitely.

Alright.

So, you have
a job interview today?

Well, it's just
a meet-and-greet.

Who knows what will come of it,

but, uh, we got to dress for
success, right?

Look, I'm working
on it, kiddo.

I'll find a job. I know there's
a lot of extra pressure

around the holidays.

There doesn't have to be
any extra pressure

because there doesn't
have to be any holidays.

Really.

What are you talking about?

We can skip Christmas.

It's not like it's not going
to happen again next year,

and holidays
just make people depressed.

Are you? Depressed?

You were supposed to go to
therapy after Mexico,

and never really...

I'm great.
I'm just saying.

Okay, good, because we're not
skipping Christmas.

Come on. I'm going
to find a job,

we're going to figure out a way
to make this whole thing work,

and we're going to have lots
to celebrate about, okay?

Come on,
skipping Christmas.

You sure about this tie?

Uh, yeah, definitely.

You look great.

Skipping Christmas--
what are you, the Grinch?

So, Summer and Anna are both
coming to this party.

Yeah, but neither one's
my date.

And they know that?

Oh, yeah,
they both know that.

Come on, man, relax.
Look, it's a big party, okay?

You might be
all doom and gloom,

but me, check it out:
I'm snowflakes. I'm latkes.

Chrismukkah is coming.

And when Chrismukkah ends?

(gasping)

I hate when Chrismukkah ends.

SUMMER:
Cohen.

Hi, Ryan.

Um, I wanted to know
the deal for tonight--

if you were driving...

Hey, Seth, so, what time

are you thinking
for tonight?

Oh.

Hey, Summer.

Hey, Anna.

You guys.

I was thinking that we should
all probably meet there.

How about that?
At whatever time

you so choose to get there,
by whatever means.

Sounds great.

Yeah, perfect.

You better pray for
a Chrismukkah miracle.

I've got Jesus
and Moses on my side, man.

Yeah. Make sure all that goes
all the way around the bottom.

Now, guys, the balls are the key
to the whole tree.

They need to breathe.

Hey, Kirsten.

What do you think?

It's really something.

You don't like it?

It's not that.
It's just that, uh,

my mom used to put
the Christmas tree in the foyer.

It's just a tradition
that we have.

Yeah, Caleb told me.

But then I thought
you know what?

The holidays
are hard enough.

Your father doesn't need
to be reminded of the past.

Caleb needs to enjoy
this Christmas.

Oh, did Caleb tell you
we need to borrow your office?

We're doing the Santa thing for
kids, we need a holding area.

What are you doing here?

Your father said
you were working from home.

He did?

He's just full of surprises.

I changed my mind.

If the land trust can
come up with $200 million,

then surely they can
come up with $300 million.

I just...
I thought this was over.

You can always get a little
more blood out of the stone.

But the stone is my husband.

I was thinking we could spend
the holidays working.

That sounds good.
You have fun.

What are you talking about?

I'm going to do something
that I haven't done in... ever.

I'm taking Christmas vacation.

Don't be ridiculous, Kiki.

You hate sitting
around the house.

I hate fighting with you.

So you spend the next two weeks
buried in legal documents.

I'm going to be wrapping gifts.

I hate Christmas.

Yeah, well, Chrismukkah's
not much better.

You don't want to know.

Yeah, but holidays make
what's bad even worse.

I just wish my dad would drop
the act. I don't need it.

And I don't
need Christmas.

Who do you have
to spend it with?

Christmas Eve with my dad,
Christmas Day with my mom.

Plus, she's making me go
to that holiday party tonight.

The Cohens are going too, so...

So, at least we'll be
miserable together.

Deal?
Deal.

So, am I seeing you
after school?

I got some stuff to do--
some shopping.

South Coast Plaza.

You're going
to South Coast Plaza? Alone?

I don't think
you're ready for that.

No, I think you need a seasoned
expert to protect you.

Well, you know someone?

* Maybe this Christmas
will mean something more *

* Maybe this year
love will appear *

* Deeper than ever before

* And maybe forgiveness
will ask us to call *

* Someone we love

* Someone we've lost

* For reasons
we can't quite recall *

* Mm-mm-mm

* Maybe this Christmas.

So, no luck, huh?

There's a 99-cent
store down the street.

I guess I can't really
afford this place anymore.

Then why did we come?

I know it sounds stupid,
but I like it here.

Everything is
so perfect.

You walk around feeling like all
your problems can be solved

by the right nail polish
or a new pair of shoes.

Miss. I'm going to have
to ask to see your purse.

RYAN:
What are you doing?

I can't let you
leave the premises.

If you don't hand over your
purse right now

I'll have to call the police.

Why don't you back off?

Ryan, it's okay.
No, it's not.

Your purse. Now.

What are you doing?

SETH:
Hey, what are you doing, working from home?

I'm on vacation.

Oh, yes, clearly.

I find reviewing
the end-of-the-year

accounts to be very relaxing.

I hope
that's a recessive gene.

You should be so lucky.

Look, I haven't taken a vacation
a while, and I'm easing into it.

Oh, yeah. I don't judge, okay?
I only mock.

That you get from your father.

Oh, my God.
They're coming in?

Oh, that's, uh...
I got you.

What are those?

They came for Ryan
from his mom and his brother.

You know what he said
about the holidays?

When he talks like that, I
have... no idea what to say.

Me, neither.
You just have to be yourself.

Yeah, 'cause that always works
so well.

Well, being a family is hard
under any circumstance.

Creating a new one--

that's-that's got
to feel weird sometimes.

Well, feeling weird is
right in my...

What? What is it?
Is Grandpa going crazy

with the company
credit card again?

What is it this time?
Hookers? A little blow, perhaps?

Grandpa likes
to dance with you, white lady.

What are you talking about?

I don't know.
What is it?

It's-it's...
Hopefully, it's nothing.

You should go get ready,
we have to be there soon.

I'll go put
on my face.

Hi. This is Kirsten Cohen
from the Newport Group.

My father ordered a survey
of the Balboa Heights,

and I've lost my copy, and I
really need to see the document,

so I'm wondering if you could
fax it over to me.

Okay?

I knew you'd get it, but you...
I think you should sort of...

(sighs)

I cannot believe this.
Marissa.

Julie.
Look, I have to host

the most important event of my
professional career tonight.

Well, at least
your priorities are in order.

You know, it's amazing how all
these calamities keep happening

under your watch, Jimmy.

I'm to blame
for this one, too?

She learned from you.

Okay, stop it.

I'm the one who stole, remember?
I'm the one to blame, not Dad.

Look, we're lucky the store is
not pressing charges.

Now, Marissa and I
were trying to decide

what an appropriate punishment..

Oh, really? Well, way to rule
with the iron fist, Stalin,

but it's not up to her.

No car, no allowance,
no weekends.

So I can stay home tonight?

Starting tomorrow.

I won't have my party ruined
by your little sticky fingers.

(sighs)

Look, sweetie, I know that
this time of the year

makes everything bad seem worse,
but why did you do this?

I thought it would be...

Look, I wasn't...

Uh, it was stupid.

I called the therapist on the way here.
Mom.

She's right, kiddo.

Therapy was part of the deal
of you moving in here.

Okay, look, I've been doing
way better since Mexico.

4.0 first quarter,
Charity League, Social Chair...

I've scheduled an appointment
tomorrow with Dr. Milano.

He's supposed to be great.

Okay, I'm sorry.

But I can handle it.

This. I...
I won't do it again, I promise.

Honey, I love you.

But I don't believe you.

You might actually
find it helpful.

Yeah. Whatever.
I need to get ready.

And Mom, you have your
big party to throw.

I'm sure you don't want
to keep Caleb waiting.

(knocking)

Hey. What's up,
man? You're back.

So, that's pretty cool, right?

Your mom and brother
got you something.

Yeah, except now I have a total
of eight gifts to buy,

and I only saved enough for one.

Ryan, that sort of reminds me
of the story of Hanukkah, dude.

Check it out.
The lamp.

You know what?

I think you get the gist.

How was the mall?

Uh, weird.

Yes. You've really painted
a picture for me.

I feel like I was there.

Oh, Marissa picked up
a few things

without paying for them.

What, as in...
Shoplifting.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's weird.

It's that time of year,

and with everything that's going
on with her family...

Yeah, no, no. I'm sure
it's got to be hard for her.

Yeah. I just wish
there was something

I could do or say.

(inhales)

Um...

I got you something.
No, no, no...

We had an agreement.

Yeah, but this is different.
This is a requirement.

I know it's a bit
minty, but, uh,

you know, we all have one,
so we just thought...

No. That's cool.

Well, good.
Maybe it'll meet a kinder fate

than your wreath did,
but if not,

we still wanted you to have it.

Thanks.

Alright. I'm going to go
make magic happen.

I feel like my hair is working
for me tonight.

I'm late.
I know, I know.

I'll hurry.

So, you're not going
to believe this,

but your father and I reached
a settlement today.

He gouged me a little.

Well, you know,
he gouged me a lot.

He asked you
for more money?

Oh, just $250 million.
But we closed the deal,

and he claims
that he did it because of you.

Is that what
he told you?

And it seems your little
vacation really hit him hard.

Because he says he wants to
spend the holidays as a family.

You know, maybe...

maybe he's changing.

Or maybe he is a truly
fantastic liar.

What's wrong?

(sighs)

I found something today.

I don't know if
I can give it to you,

but I don't know
if I can't.

Okay, well...

He's going to know
that I gave this to you.

And he's going
to have every right to fire me.

You have got to be kidding me.

This changes everything.

And I've to learn
how to relax

because I'm going
to have a lot of free time.

I'm sorry, honey.

Not as sorry
as he's going to be.

You still want
to go to the party?

I wouldn't miss it
for the world.

(doorbell ringing)

Anna.

Hey.

Mistletoe.

Oh. Oh, that's-that's
very festive of you.

Uh, I thought we
were meeting there.

I'm going with
my parents.

Well, I was thinking
maybe we could go together.

I would love to do that.
You know.

But don't you think
that would violate

our little Geneva Convention
of dating?

'Cause I told Summer
that, you know,

I'd meet both
of you there.

Well, how is Summer ever
going to know?

(doorbell rings)

Mistletoe.

What is she doing here?
What are you doing here?

We had a deal, Cohen.
Which you violated.

As did you.
She's got a point.

You're on her side?
No.

There are no sides, you guys.
There's only, um,

rides with my parents.

We'll all go together.

Hmm?

Fine.

Fine.

So, I have a gift for you.
I'll give it to you later.

I have a present
for you, too, also.

I'll give it
to you later.

I can't wait.

For either.

For both.

SANDY: Seth, you ready?
Come on. Let's go.

Hi, Summer.

Anna.

Ladies.

Oh, this is going
to be some party.

Mm-hmm.

You know, maybe
this is not such a bad idea.

What does that mean?

It'll be good
to have someone to talk to.

You're someone.
I can't talk to you?

You can talk to me.
It's just...

What? I need the help
of a trained professional

because I stole a lipstick?

It's not about
the lipstick.

Well, I guess I don't
really see what it's about.

I guess you do what you want.

I will.

No one's making my parents go
to therapy, no one's making me.

You know, I'm the only
normal one in this family.

Sorry.

Hey, you know,
I think I left my wrap upstairs.

Could you grab it for me?
I'll grab my purse.

Sure.

* Sleigh bells ring,
are you listening? *

* In the lane,
snow is glistening *

* A beautiful sight,
we're happy tonight... *

Mushroom-leek crescent?
Crab and brie phyllo?

Come on, buddy.
Change it up a little bit.

Enjoy the party.

Come on, Seth.

I'm going this way.
Oh.

Oh, well, um,
I'm going this way.

Oh, you guys are?
I'm gonna go look for Ryan.

Oh, Kirsten,
Sandy, welcome.

Hey, Kiki.
Hey.

Good to see you.

Did Sandy give you
our good news?

He did.

I need to follow up
something with you, Cal.

If you don't mind...
Come, Sanford, it's a party.

Think back
on your Berkeley days.

Maybe you can smoke the tree.

(chuckles)

Smoke the tree. Funny.

I'm gonna nail him now.

Uh-huh.

So, what do you think?

About?

The party.
You haven't said anything.

Do you like it? I know
how you feel about the tree,

but getting past that...

It's great.

What did Caleb think? Has he
said anything to you?

I haven't talked to him yet.

I just want this to be a party
that he'll never forget.

I think you have a shot.

* ...Later on, we'll conspire

* As we dream by the fire

* To face unafraid

You okay?

Yeah, why?

I don't know.

Today's been kind of intense

and I know you don't really
want to be here.

I want to be where you are,
and you're here, so...

Ah, Marissa.

Oh, you wore the Chanel.
How pretty. Ryan.

You haven't said hello
to Caleb yet.

Yeah, that's because he was
talking to other people

and I didn't want
to interrupt him.

He's ready now, so...
I'm not.

Marissa.
Mom.

You are a guest
at this party.

Only because you
made me come here.

You're in enough trouble
already, young lady.

I've got nothin' to lose.

Is this the way it's gonna be
with us from now on?

I don't know.
I'll ask my shrink.

You know what?
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

I hate the holidays.

Right there with ya.

Caleb, do you have time to talk?
No.

Ah, come on, make some.

What is this?

It's a geological survey, of the
Heights, which you commissioned

and somehow mysteriously failed
to turn over to my office.

I haven't got time for this.
Oh, I think you do.

Allow me to summarize
what you know already.

The Heights
are seismologically unsound.

The whole area is uninsurable.
It's worthless.

As is your theory.

There's no way you would've
gotten a building permit

and you knew that.

What do you want, Sandy?

I want to buy back
the Heights...

for a dollar.

(laughs wryly)

You cannot be serious.

Merry Christmas.

So, are you ready
for your present?

Alright, I'm ready.
Hand me the keys.

I'll figure out
how to drive.

Very funny, Seth.
Always have to ruin the mood.

That's what I do.

Ready?
Mm-hmm.

The Adventures
of Seth Cohen and Captain Oats:

Volume One: Confidence.

You made this?

No, I bought it on eBay.

I can't believe you did this.
This is amazing.

Hey, this Seth in the story

seems really handsome
and awesome.

I guess I took some liberties.

Well, you dumbed him down
a little bit.

(laughs)

This is fantastic.

Thanks.

JIMMY:
So, how's Seth doing?

He's fine, I think.

I mean, it's hard to tell
with him sometimes. Why?

Well, does he ever do things

that sort of make you question
yourself as a... as a parent?

Well, there was
the model home and Tijuana

and a thing with the Range
Rover and an IMAX movie

that I didn't quite buy.

But they're kids.
I mean, they do stuff.

They get in trouble, right?

Our parents
would've had a heart attack

if they knew what we did.

Ah, come on. We
were good kids.

We were.

Weren't we?

We were good kids.
Yeah.

And we have good kids.

(sighs)

Okay, Summer, but
hang on for a second.

Anna just went to get drinks,

and she'll be back
in, like, one second.

Shh. Come here.

Why?

Just come here.
Okay.

Stay there.

* Santa baby, just slip a sable
under the tree *

* For me

* Been an awful good girl...

I hear you like
comic books, Con.

This is true.

Merry Christmas.

* Come and trim
my Christmas tree *

* With some decorations...

Good Lord,
I think I'm gonna pass out.

You're not going anywhere.

Okay.

Yes?

What's this?

Uh, uh, that's, uh,
that's Anna's present.

She made it for me.

She made it?
Yeah.

It's amazing.

Yeah, I know, but, hey,

your present's amazing, too,
okay? It's really amazing.

Hey, there you... are.

Hey, Anna, Summer was
just giving me her gift.

It's cool.

You're Wonder Woman?

Yeah. So?

I mean, you look... amazing.

Is that my story?

Oh, my God.

I made you a comic book.
What am I, eight?

Way to go, Wonder Whore.

Hey, Wonder Woman's
not a whore, okay? Stop.

What are we doing?

I don't know.
This is ridiculous.

You guys.
One second, please. Okay?

Let's not... let's not
have one speed bump

derail the whole train, okay?

Let's not throw the baby out
with the bath water.

Let's not... let's make
some more metaphors.

Look,

I'm not into talking about,
like, feelings,

or whatever, but I like you,

okay, and so does she.

If we don't put an
end to this soon...

Someone's gonna get hurt.

You gotta choose, Cohen.

Did you miss me?

Come on. Let's dance.

Oh, you know how I
feel about dancing.

You know how I don't care.

Come on. It's a party.

Yeah, an office party.

I thought you wanted
to have fun.

Don't make me
make you have fun.

I'm guessing
that's not eggnog.

So what? Come on.

If you don't want to dance,
we could just get out of here.

Uh. I didn't see you
with a cocktail.

Well, maybe
I brought my own.

(liquid sloshing)

Want some?

What's going on with you today?

What's the big deal?
You drink.

Not alone in the bathroom.

I'm just having fun.

First night I met you,

you were passed out
on your driveway,

couple weeks later,
an alley in Mexico.

It's like...
it's like my mom all over again.

Shut up.

We're getting out of here.

No, I am.

Enjoy the party.

Hey, you can't drive...
Get your hands off of me!

I have enough people in my life
telling me what to do.

See ya.

Hey, come on.
Let me drive.

Get away from me!

Hey!

I'm fine.

And so, effective immediately,

I'm transferring the title
of The Heights

to the Balboa Land Trust

for the very reasonable price
of one dollar.

I couldn't have done it
without the help

of my son-in-law,
Sandy Cohen.

Oh, thanks, Cal, but I can't
take credit for this.

You did this all on your own.

To Caleb Nichol, the most
generous man in Newport Beach.

Thanks.

Happy Hanukkah, Sandy.

Great.

What? You're driving now.

Yeah, because you're drunk.
I'm not...

Fine.

Oh, where is it?
Come on. Put it away.

I'm trying.

You're still on probation.

I said I'm trying.

(siren blips)

Of course this is happening.

Happy holidays.

License,
registration.

You've got a broken
taillight, you know that?

Just happened.
We're going to get it fixed.

You kids haven't been drinkin'?

No, sir.

Everything alright
here, miss?

Yeah, fine, thanks.

Miss, would you please...?

DISPATCH:
...have a 459 at 1508 Cornwall in Westlin.

All cars in the area
please respond immediately.

Copy that.

I've got a call
I need to get to.

I'm letting you go with just a
warning for that taillight.

You get that fixed.

Drive straight home.
Sir.

(bottle shatters)

Stop, okay?!

You're scaring me!
Good.

You're scaring me.

There's drinking, crying, cops.

Well, then,
it must be Christmas.

I left this behind.

I am not doing it again.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, the ladies laid down
the law. It's over.

What are you going to do?

I have no idea.
I don't know.

No female's ever really offered me
a, uh, uh, a choice, per se.

I really only know
how to handle rejection

and ridicule-- I have a really
good handle on ridicule.

How was your night?

Marissa got drunk, and we got
pulled over by the cops

with an open container of vodka.

Hey, I like Marissa.

She's really making life
interesting for you.

Yep. We got in a fight.

What about the cop?

Got a radio call.

Let us off with a warning
for a busted taillight.

Now you see
why I hate Christmas.

Hang on a second, Ryan.

Um, it seems to me

that what we have here
is a Chrismukkah miracle.

Thank you!
Think about this for a second.

The old Ryan Atwood--
what would've happened?

He would've got
busted for sure,

but this time you had Jesus
workin' for you,

and then you also had Moses,
workin' together.

The Superteam fightin' for you
to keep you safe

and give you a
second chance.

Touched by an angel.
That's nice.

It's got a good ring to it.

I believe my faith
has been restored.

Uh, I should go get ready.
Anna will be here soon.

What are you going to tell her?

I'm sure the
words will come.

Alright,
I just think that...

considering everything,
I-I-I, actually, wait, hang on,

let me... let me actually try
another approach, um...

I think you're awesome,
and you're hilarious.

And you're caliente,
and I think

you know, you're extremely
witty, and you're wise,

and I kind of
can't believe

that I'm actually
going to say this,

but, um... I just... I think we
should be friends,

and I want you
to have this.

I don't want to be your friend.

I don't want to be your friend.

You can never have
too many copies of The Goonies.

(doorbell rings)

It was corporate espionage.

I could've had you fired,
even sued you

for breach of
confidentiality.

Dad, you're extorting
the county,

putting the company
at huge risk.

Sooner or later, this was going
to come out, and then what?

When you found
that report,

you-you could've
shown me.

You could've shown me
when it started.

I'm sorry, but I just didn't see
any other way.

It was dishonest,
calculating, and ruthless.

Kiki...

we just might make a real estate
mogul out of you yet.

Well, that's something
to look forward to.

(grunts)

Your mom's ornaments.

Tree looks nice.

There may be a gift
under there for you.

Maybe.

Hey, where you going?

We were thinking
about getting a movie.

Uh, Marissa's supposed to go see
therapist this morning.

Oh, she's going
through a lot.

Yeah, I thought
I'd go with her.

Yeah, you could...

or, uh... not.

Now, Marissa's going
to have to figure this out by herself,

and you got to let her.

You're here with us now.

You don't have to be
the parent anymore.

Movie, huh?

Yeah, but it's my pick.

The selection of a movie
is something of an art.

I came here three times

before I actually walked
through that door.

I know you.
You go to Harbor, right?

Marissa Cooper. Hi.

Yeah, you're the
girl at school

who organizes things...
parties and stuff, right?

Social Chair
is what that's called.

You go to Harbor?

No, no, I go to Pacific.

Oliver Trask.

For a social chair...

(laughs): Well, I don't find you
to be very social at all.

I'm going to have to talk to
somebody about a recall.

This is...
a psychiatrist's office.

It's kind of embarrassing.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

This is totally
embarrassing...

so let's suggest the
obvious and move on.

What's wrong with you?

What is wrong with you?

Well, if I knew,
I wouldn't be here.

You're not an alcoholic... yet.

You OD'd at least once--

pills, I'd say-- muscle
relaxants, definitely.

Painkillers.

Well, you didn't really want
to hurt yourself.

Kurt Cobain-- yeah,
he wanted to hurt himself.

You know, coming here
wasn't my idea.

Maybe not,
but you wouldn't be here

if you didn't want to be.

You want to know
why you are the way you are.

That's you.

I'm waiting on
the next door.

See you next week.

* I'll have a blue Christmas
without you... *

How'd it go with the girls?

Seth Cohen starter pack?

I think I'm past that now.

Is that what I think it is?

Yeah, I figure'd I'd hang it.

Alright, man.
Another Chrismukkah convert.

Nice. I never doubted it
for a second.

Check it out. I already put
the hook up, just in case.

Hey.
Alright, what'll it be?

Fiddler on the Roof,
It's a Wonderful Life,

or my selection, Sylvester Stallone's
Over the Top.

Isn't that the arm-
wrestling movie?

(like Stallone):
Arm-wrestling classic.

Oh, hey, uh, Merry
Chrismukkah, you guys.

Oh.
Thank you.

Yeah.
Wow.

* Yeah, you'll
be doing alright *

* With your Christmas of white

* But I'll have a blue,
blue, blue, blue Christmas *

by paulonline