The Newsroom (2012–2014): Season 1, Episode 2 - News Night 2.0 - full transcript

Where's my staff?

We're gonna try
Elliot out at 10:00.

He's taking your EP and your
EP's taking your staff.

- Wait, you asked to leave?
- I did.

- I hired you a new EP.
- You're not talking about Mackenzie.

- I had to right the ship.
- I tried to get in touch with you

a lot of times
in the last three years.

- Did you get all those emails?
- I didn't read them.

- James Harper, this is Maggie--
- Margaret Jordan-- Maggie's fine.

I need Don Keefer to help me
through this transition.

It turns out
Don's dating Maggie.



He's going to be
threatened by you,

so he'll try to impress Maggie,
who's staying with Will.

You understand?

There's been an explosion
off the coast of Louisiana.

You've got to ask her
why there's no contingency.

Why are we drilling
three miles underwater

when we don't have
the technology

to fix the world's
most predictable emergency?

Good to see you again, Will.

You didn't bring her in
to right the ship.

You brought her in
to build a new one.

Tess Westin, AP.

Yes.

Gary Cooper.



Can that really be his name?

Yes. Desk producer.

Tamara Hart, AP.

I'm on fire.

New neighbors.

Okay.

- Morning.
- Big day.

Can I talk to you a second?

- We've got a rundown meeting.
- Yeah.

- They're very young out there.
- I know.

But what they lack
in experience,

they make up for
in inexperience.

- Mac--
- It's an asset.

- They don't know how to do the news badly yet.
- Or really at all.

Some of them
will be doing things

they haven't done before,
but they'll be supervised.

I want to grow these people,

so you're going
to go easy on them.

We talked about this last night

and for three hours
the night before

and again at 4:00 AM
this morning.

And you're sure you don't
wanna lead with the spill?

- I am. Is that what you wanted to talk about?
- No.

I think most people here know that
you and I were together a while ago.

I think so, too.

- I don't want anyone to know why
we're not together now. - Sure.

- I mean no one.
- You think I'm gonna talk about it?

I find it hard to predict
what you will and won't do.

- I won't be telling anyone.
- As long as we're straight.

- We are.
- No one. Nothing.

Just to be clear, you want me

- to tell some people, but not everyone.
- Let's go.

You're going to have nine minutes with
Jan Brewer, nine minutes with La Raza.

I wanna go on record saying
we should open with the spill.

- Done.
- We'll open with the spill?

No, but you're on record
saying you think we should.

The spill is all
anyone's talking about.

Because we're the ones
telling them to.

We're still reporting on it,
just not at the top.

I'm looking at film of an oil
rig sinking into the ocean.

That's pretty good television.

We don't do good television,
we do the news.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

And welcome to the first pitch
meeting of "News Night" 2.0.

The chaos of the spill
is settling down

and we get to do
our first real show.

11:00, I hear
the pitches;

4:00, the show starts
to look like the show;

and 6:00, we lock it in.

I learned everyone's
names last night.

A huge step
in the right direction.

We'll be opening tonight
with SB 1070,

the Arizona immigration bill,

which Will supports,
by the way.

You all thought
he was a closet liberal

when, really,
he's a closet moron.

I'm not a closet anything.

Seriously, I know
everyone's name.

I was up half the night learning
to pronounce Calanasia Zbrezniak.

Cally doesn't
work here anymore.

- Dianastasia Jorma?
- Nope.

Mohammed al Mohammed
el Mohammed bin Bazir?

- Went to Fox. - Fox hired someone
with three Mohammeds in their name?

But let's give him
a hand for effort.

Shut up!

- Is your name really Gary Cooper?
- Yeah.

What is "News Night" 2.0?

- This is--
- Mac, the--

Right.
Thank you.

Before we get to 2.0,
I'm supposed to read

something from IT
and I don't want to forget.

"New aliases have been set up
for in-house e-mails.

Autocomplete has been
enabled on your Outlook."

Anybody know what that meant?

Right.

"Asterisk-interns"
or "asterisk-staff"--

an asterisk makes it
go to a group.

No asterisk makes it
go to an individual.

Your name is Neelamani Sampat.

- Nailed it.
- Neal's fine.

Can you say it one more time?

Just type an e-mail
to someone.

Okay, I'm sending
an e-mail to Will.

I'm typing it.
I'm still typing it.

- What are you doing now?
- Still typing.

And I'm sending it.

It's all right.
You made two mistakes.

You used an asterisk, and
instead of typing W for "Will,"

- you typed S for "staff."
- They're close together on the keyboard.

"Will McAvoy's a closet bigot
who hates immigrants

even though this country
was founded by immigrants."

- Everybody get the same thing?
- Yep.

No one in this newsroom's job

is being threatened
by an undocumented worker.

Here we go.
This is "News Night" 2.0.

Sorry!

- Excuse me, Charlie?
- Yeah.

You wanted to see me?

A 12-year-old kid in Topeka
is trying to convince me

he's got a pair of jacks
in the hole.

- Shouldn't he be in school?
- He is in school.

- How can I help you?
- Hang on.

He really did have
jacks in the hole.

Is there a way I can
tell his parents?

- I'm a little busy.
- Sure.

You know how you have
a secret meeting with Will

every day to talk
about numbers?

- I-- we don't have a secret meeting.
- Yeah, you do.

- You meet with him in private and you tell him exactly--
- I do it at his request.

- It's very instructive.
- It is.

- It's invaluable.
- Yeah.

I want you to stop.

Don't break down the numbers
for him for a little while.

Can I ask why?

We're trying something new

and I don't want him
getting cold feet.

- He listens to you.
- He should.

But what do you mean
you're trying something new?

We're going to try doing the
news, see what happens.

I don't get it.

There are two important
conversations--

how do we do
the best news possible

and how do we get
the most people to watch?

I don't want one
of those conversations

to have anything to do
with the other--

You don't want ratings
to drive content.

- Exactly.
- Neither do I.

- I want content to drive ratings.
- That's the hope.

But for the moment, I don't want
ratings in Will's head at all.

I'd be able
to tell him you spiked

close to 75,000 new viewers
since you broke your story.

- That's 10% in four days.
- Yeah.

In addition to the haul
he brought in

after he went crazy
at Northwestern.

- He didn't go crazy.
- I'd be able to tell him

that 32% of those
are in the demo...

- Reese.
- and 44% make over 75K,

which means we can
charge more for 15 and 30s

and get out of the wheelchair-
selling business.

And what does he do
with that information?

He stretches out the spill
as long as he can.

- That's ratings driving content.
- That's just reality.

- Reese.
- No, I need to be able to do my job.

Just don't break down
the numbers for Will.

We've never gotten along
that well, have we?

Reese, don't break down
the numbers for Will.

If I hid in a locked vault
buried under the AWM building,

Will would find me so I could
break down the numbers for him

because Will McAvoy is the biggest
ratings whore in the business.

- I'm not the bad guy.
- Nobody's the bad guy.

Though if you call
Will a whore again,

I'm going to take out your
teeth one punch at a time.

- Anything else?
- No, sir.

This is a new show
and there are new rules.

One: "Is this information
we need in the voting booth?"

Two: "Is this the best possible
form of the argument?"

And three: "Is the story
in historical context?"

You can use a mnemonic device.

I-I-I, the three Is.

- That's not really helpful.
- I was gonna say.

- We're not opening with BP?
- It'll go down in the D block. There's nothing new.

How about today's day four of the
president not saying anything about it?

Would you get off
the man's back?

Jesus Christ.
I'm surprised you found room.

Gary, Kendra.

Gary is the smart black guy who's
not afraid to criticize Obama.

Kendra got double 800s
on her SATs, makes Gary crazy.

- I studied.
- BP's going in the D block.

Jim.

SB 1070 passed
the Arizona House last week

and a few days later
passed the State Senate.

Its official name is the Support Our Law
Enforcement and Safe Neighborhoods Act.

It requires immigrants carry their alien
registration documents at all times,

requires police question people
if there's reason to suspect

they're in the United States
illegally,

and it targets those who hire
illegal immigrants.

The governor signs
the bill today.

Is it worth mentioning this is the
same state that offered a bill

requiring presidential
candidates to show

their birth certificates
in order to get on the ballot?

In a courtroom, that would
be called "prejudicial."

It would be called
prejudicial anywhere.

Nope, not that kind
of prejudicial.

We've got the governor
for nine minutes.

- Just us. She's only talking to Will.
- How'd you swing that?

- By telling her about "News Night" 2.0.
- You showed her the easel?

I convinced her she's not going to
have to outshout a crazy person.

That studio is a courtroom

and we only call
expert witnesses.

Will is the attorney
for both sides.

He examines the witness
and reveals facts.

You will be amazed
at the guests we'll book

using that unbelievably
obvious template.

You don't have
to raise your hand.

I saw one of those crazy militia
guys on "Jon Stewart" last night.

- We could also have him on.
- Did you hear me when I was speaking just then

or were you distracted
by a bumblebee?

What does the I stand for?

The-- the second I.

"Is this the best possible
form of the argument?"

Not the most colorful version,

not the most
outrageous version,

but the best possible version.

- How do you define "best"?
- I define it by the source.

I define it by the number
of relevant facts it contains,

and I define it by an X factor

that I trust Will
and myself to determine,

using our combined
five decades in the field.

What's the best possible version
of the Birther argument?

There isn't one.
And that's the fourth-- ah!

This one's an A.

Are there really
two sides to this story?

So it's I-I-I-A.

What does that mean,
are there really--

The media is biased towards success and
the media is biased towards fairness.

How can you be biased
toward fairness?

There aren't two sides
to every story.

Some stories have five sides,
some only have one.

- You don't have to raise your hand.
- I still don't under--

Biased toward fairness means that if the
entire Congressional Republican Caucus

were to walk into the House
and propose a resolution

stating that the earth was
flat, the "Times" would lead

with "Democrats and Republicans
Can't Agree on Shape of Earth."

Uh...

- Mac?
- Would you let them raise their hands?

- Fine.
- Back to immigration.

Neelamani Sampat.
It means "blue jewel."

- I didn't know that.
- I did. I took the time. I care.

- Are you asking him out?
- If he wants me to. I'm nice.

- And what are you still doing here?
- I was asked to help.

Don generously volunteered
to help during the transition.

- He was asked or he volunteered?
- I'm happy to go.

- Apologize.
- I'm sorry.

- To Don.
- I'm over it.

Neal.

There is an alternative
weekly in Spokane

called the "Pacific
Northwest Insider"

that published an article about
immigration a couple of weeks ago.

The story featured a guy
named Hector Nunez

who revealed that
when he was 16,

his parents told him that
he was living here illegally.

The paper used his real name?

Yeah, and the state
of Washington rescinded

his driver's license
after the piece came out.

He needs his car to get to his
job with a small moving company

and to take his kids
to school in the morning.

I thought we could have him on.

I've got to budget 42 minutes.

I've already spent 18
on Jan Brewer and La Raza.

I thought we could put
a human face on immigration.

How about putting a human face
on the guy whose job he took?

We don't have the time.

We've got 1070, BP,
and a Senate candidate

who says poor people can pay
doctors with chickens.

But even if we did have the time, it
would be emotionally manipulative.

- How?
- We'd be putting him there

so that we can feel
sorry for him.

We should feel sorry for him.
He's getting screwed.

You should feel sorry
for the guy whose job he took.

I don't want to feel
sorry for anybody.

I want the facts, and neither
of them can provide facts.

- Somebody's gonna book this kid.
- Nobody's gonna book him.

Nobody's gonna
have heard of him.

It's an alternative
weekly in Spokane.

And do you see "What's our
competition doing?" on the easel?

- No, but I wish I did.
- Moving on.

The Dow has ticked down
108 points

on a surprisingly weak
durable-goods orders report

from the Commerce Department
that has raised worries...

Listen, I'm not gonna take it
from him in public or private.

- I'm doing you guys a favor.
- I'm sorry.

I understand.
And he knows that.

You're cutting "PopWatch"
and "Today on YouTube"?

I am. And I know
they're both yours, but--

I don't care that they're mine.

I care that they're the most
popular segments on the show.

- Look at the minute to minutes.
- Feel free to use them when you and Elliot start at 10:00.

Yeah, there's gonna be nobody left
at 10:00 if you lead off the night

with the "Will McAvoy Makes You
Eat Your Vegetables Hour."

- Hmm?
- Forget it.

- Maggie.
- Yeah.

Mac wants me to supervise your
preinterview with Brewer's office.

- I was told.
- All right, you're gonna be talking to a spokesperson.

- I'll call him now.
- I thought maybe we could do a practice run first.

Okay, I'd like to say,
with all respect,

that I don't feel I need
to be supervised.

- Okay.
- You'll let me do it by myself?

No, I just meant okay,
I heard you say that.

I've been here a year.
You've been here three days.

Mac's working with a group of relatively
inexperienced people she doesn't know.

- I know that.
- All right.

- So you'll let me do it myself?
- No.

- Then I'm doing this under protest.
- I'm sorry?

I'm just-- I'll be--
I'm doing this under protest.

- What does that look like?
- It'll be the same.

I'm just lodging
an official protest.

- With who?
- My immediate superior, I guess.

- That's me.
- Well, are you writing it down?

No. Are you really
considering going to 10:00?

- Don made some compelling arguments.
- Yeah? What were they?

That growing something from scratch
is something I should experience.

- Okay.
- Whoa, whoa, wait.

- What did that mean?
- Nothing.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I know exactly
what you're thinking.

I can't say the same.

- You don't think I'm making a relationship choice?
- No.

That this is just
a temp gig for me

until someone puts a ring
on it and I can have kids?

I wasn't saying--
I didn't say any of that.

You don't think that I don't have the
same commitment to news that you do?

No.

I'll be honest-- because of the
way I phrased those questions,

I wasn't totally clear
on what your answers meant.

I think that you have the same
commitment to the news that I do.

I think kids are great.
I used to be one.

And I can't remember
the third thing, but--

- Ring, ring.
- Thank you.

- Ring, ring.
- Hi, it's Glenn Fisher.

- Glenn Fisher?
- Yes.

- That's the spokesperson I'm talking to?
- Yes.

I thought it was John Markell.

Fisher's a press agent
who's doing the preinterview.

Okay.

First, you go into iNews
and you look over the questions

the segment producer
put in the rundown.

Identify yourself and your news
agency, summarize the segment--

the length,
whether it's live or not,

and who we're having on
from the other side.

I'm sorry, but don't I first open
my eyes and notice it's a new day?

- What are we talking about here?
- I've done this before.

- Okay.
- What is this magic box in front of me?

Have I done something to you?

I swear I was just thinking
the exact same thing.

I have no idea why
I'm being mean to you.

Now that you know that,
do you think you'll stop?

That's the thing--
it doesn't feel like it.

I'm just being honest.

I can't ask for more than that,
except rational thought.

- What was that?
- Nothing.

- Ring, ring.
- Hi, it's Glenn Fisher.

Glenn, this is Margaret Jordan.

I'm an associate producer at "News
Night" and I'm doing the preinterview

for the governor's
appearance this evening.

I know Will's gonna
wanna ask why mean people

tend to pour into your state
like it's a bathtub drain.

Will's not gonna
wanna ask that.

I think they're building the fence
on the wrong side of the state.

Margaret, here in Arizona,
the government can barely pay

for the needs of native-born
poor as it is--

welfare, education,
Social Security--

especially when
so many households here

are one or two paychecks away
from the poverty line.

You're scapegoating
these people.

Stop. I just said
illegals cost money.

- Ask the follow-up.
- Okay.

Ask it.

My follow-up,
Mr. Fisher, is this--

I understand that having undocumented
workers living in the US costs money

and it's a problem we have
to do something about,

but shouldn't it be a point
of pride for Americans

that others are willing to uproot
their families just to come here?

The follow-up was
"How much do they cost?"

But, yes, it is a point of pride
that people wanna come to America

and we value our diverse
population in Arizona,

but we just want people to immigrate
legally and become citizens.

And I'm sure that's what's behind
the emotion and the vitriol--

Americans hate it when people don't
fill out the proper paperwork.

- You can't antagonize the--
- I'm gonna ask the right questions, you dweeb!

- And you'll follow up?
- I'll follow up.

My point is that whatever side
of this you're on,

the rhetoric we use to talk about
these people who risk their lives

to have a shot
at picking oranges

so their kids have a shot
at not being dead

makes it sound like
we're talking about

scraping gum off our shoes.

These people chose to take a
huge risk to become Americans

and they deserve a better
descriptor than "illegals."

You don't need me.
You got this one.

Thank you.

Another story making headlines
this morning is, of course, Greece,

whose prime minister officially
requested activation

of the EU/IMF bailout package,

lifting the euro from
its lowest level of the year

and sending
commodity prices soaring.

We'll have that and the rest
of the day's financial news

on "Market Wrap-Up"
at 4:00.

I'm Sloan Sabbith.

Let's go out to Diane
and Billy on the West Coast

for Atlantis Hollywood.

And we're clear.

- Hello.
- Sloan, I'm Mackenzie McHale.

- I know. It's good to meet you.
- It's nice to meet you.

- Do you have a minute?
- Sure. Thanks.

You know, I was watching you
earlier when you were talking about

two companies--
Capital One and, um--

- Baxter.
- Baxter.

And the prompter said, "Both of
whom are hinting at good numbers,"

and you said, "Both of which
are hinting at good numbers."

- Was that an accident?
- No. I didn't write that copy.

I changed it to "which"
because "whom" is for people.

- Is someone in trouble?
- No.

- Do you mind coming into my office for a second?
- Sure.

What's the difference between
a corporation and a person?

- Have you ever held a door open for someone?
- Yes.

- Did you ask them for money first?
- No.

- That's the difference.
- That's the right answer.

- Am I taking a test?
- I've asked around and people say

you don't belong here,
that you could be making

a lot more money
as an analyst at Goldman.

Couldn't you be making a lot more
money producing reality television?

I do produce
reality television.

I don't know what to tell you.

I like my job.

Do you feel like
working longer hours?

They talked to me about
doing a morning show

a couple of times,
but I can't do that.

I'm not interested in cooking.
I make sandwiches.

I get that I don't necessarily look
like it, but I'm an economist.

- Thanks, though.
- Yeah, I meant in prime time.

I want to give you
five minutes every night

to talk about where we are
and how we got here.

Are you serious?

There are people
more qualified than I am.

I can put you in touch with some of
the professors that I studied under--

Yeah, the thing is they're
not going to have your legs.

I'm sorry, but if I'm going to get
people to listen to an economics lesson,

I've got to find someone who doesn't
look like George Bernard Shaw.

I would not ask you if I didn't
think you were qualified.

You want me to do pole dancing while
explaining subprime mortgages?

If you're up to it, sure.

All right, I get it.

We'll start a conversation
with Will about our goals

- and how we're going to get there.
- Great.

- I think you and I are going to be good friends.
- I'd like that.

- Me, too.
- Okay.

I mean it.
I don't have any friends.

Oh.

You know, you're--
you're new in town, so--

Yeah. Yeah.

- You know, you and I have something in common.
- What's that?

- I had a boyfriend who cheated on me, too.
- Ah.

- The week of our wedding.
- Oh. Oh.

I don't understand.

- I know about Will.
- Yeah. Yeah.

I still don't understand.

Wait, Will didn't cheat on me.

- I used to deny it, too.
- Will didn't cheat on me.

- Oh, okay. Sorry.
- I can't talk about what happened,

but I can tell you that
Will didn't cheat on me.

- I shouldn't have mentioned anything.
- Sloan, listen to me.

Will didn't cheat on me.

Yes, we were together
for two years and we broke up.

I can't tell you any more than that, but
he never, ever, never cheated on me.

- Who told you that?
- Everybody.

That's what people--
no, no, no.

That-- that's not
what happened.

- You don't have to tell me what happened.
- I can't tell you.

He doesn't want anyone in the office to know.
He made me promise.

No, not because--

I can't talk. Ugh!

Even though in this situation,
I think he'd prefer--

no, he really doesn't want
the office to know anything.

- He didn't cheat on me.
- I should get back to work.

You need to tell people that.

You're enabling an ass.

He's-- whoa.

He's not an ass.

Come here.

Will's not an ass.
He's the opposite of an ass.

Even if he did cheat on me, which he
absolutely didn't, he's definitely not an ass.

- Do people think that?
- You had to have known that.

I thought they thought
he was gruff, but lovable.

- No, they think he's an ass who cheated on you.
- That has to be corrected.

- I have to start the 4:00.
- Okay, okay, okay.

You need to do this--

you need to go from person
to person and tell them

that Will is
an extraordinary man

with a heart the size
of a Range Rover,

that there's a-- a long
story that has to do--

a lot to do with me,
but also other things.

I can't tell you the story of his
life, but he's the good guy.

- Will you tell people that?
- Every chance I get.

- You're not going to, right?
- No, I'm not.

Okay.

- We spiked up 9% overall.
- On top of the 7% that came after Northwestern.

You played
high school football.

What do you do when you have
a lead late in the game?

My high school never had
to worry about that.

- You protect the lead.
- Will McAvoy!

How do you get used to eating
lunch at 4:00 in the afternoon?

I work from 11:00 to 9:00.
It's across all demos, too.

Will McAvoy's the place
to be for all things BP.

Hey, I need you
to tell me right now

you're not using that
as a promo slug.

We're not, but Brad ground-researched the
hell out of this since Northwestern,

and the feedback we keep getting,
especially from 18 to 49s,

is just studded
with green flags.

And this isn't Brad
selective-coding, man.

We're talking about an actual, bona
fide, audience-driven response

to Northwestern and the way you
handled the breaking news.

I don't see them capping
the well anytime soon.

- But you're not leading with it.
- Not tonight.

- It'll be down in the D block.
- It sunk this morning.

We got film of a massive
offshore drilling rig

sinking into
the Gulf of Mexico.

We knew that was gonna happen.

People knew the Titanic was gonna
sink when they went to the movie,

but it was cool to watch, which
is why they went to the movie.

Partner, something's going on here
and you gotta tell me what it is.

Look, we're trying
to format a new broadcast

that puts a priority
on information voters need,

puts the information in context,
and then tries to present

the best possible versions
of competing arguments.

Here's what I just heard--
we got a hit show

that just got bigger, so now
we're trying to fix it.

Listen, there's no one
here but me and you.

Is this something you want or
something you got talked into?

It's-- no, it's something
I want badly.

- I've wanted this since the dawn of time.
- More than numbers?

Weren't you the one that told me that
your audience are your only friends?

I said that after a couple of shots
of some kind of varnish remover

at a particularly
low point in my life.

- That was two weeks ago.
- It was a very low point.

- I think it was lower than three weeks ago.
- Will.

Mackenzie thinks I don't have
to sacrifice one for the other.

Well, Mackenzie is the expert
on predicting audience trends.

No, wait.
She's not, Brad is.

- We're not setting out to lose viewers...
- No one ever does.

just better news
for the ones we've got.

All right, I'll stop.

Listen, I still want
your advice every day.

My advice today: go to
the conservative websites.

- I do.
- You'll see that they like you.

They think you're a RINO,
but they like that you don't

take cheap shots
at Sarah Palin.

- Look at the comments section.
- Yeah, I know.

Palin made a statement
about the spill last night.

- It was ridiculous.
- Yes, it was.

It'll be a joke
on every late-night show.

She basically wrote
Letterman's monologue.

- So you want my advice?
- Yes.

Be the guy that doesn't
take a shot at her tonight.

Well, I won't be
taking a shot at her,

but that's because
I won't be using her.

I'm saying you should use
her, but not to take a shot--

No, she's a private citizen.

She doesn't have any
qualifications in this area,

so it's hard with
the new format to justify--

Let me tell you what it looks
like when the audience leaves.

I can't jam in a Palin SOT
just to give myself

the opportunity
to not take a shot at her.

If I cross that line, I'm just
saying, "Fuck the whole thing."

It looks like this: first you lose
the people who just got here.

Then everyone writes that you lost
the people that just got here.

That makes people think they're
not at the cool party anymore.

You ever been at Sardi's on
opening night of a Broadway show

five minutes after word gets
out the "Times" panned it?

They leave.

And they never come back, ever.

And it happens
in not much more time

than it just took me
to describe it.

It's conservatives
who watch the news on TV.

Don't pass up an opportunity to
remind them why they don't hate you.

I really want to give
the new format a--

Also, would you do me a favor
and tell Charlie Skinner

that you're the one
who asked for these meetings?

And do you want me
to fix you up with someone

who'll take your mind off
a girl from three years ago?

- No, thank you.
- Palin.

- She's married.
- Not to fix you up with.

- I'm saying use the Palin SOT.
- I know. It's not gonna happen.

- Mackenzie would cook me and eat me.
- You're the boss.

I'll keep reminding you of that
because I'm not wild about your ex.

Hey, look, her name
is Mackenzie or Miss McHale,

and she's reported
more real news in one day

than I have in my career.

Fuck.

- Hi.
- Hello.

Jan Brewer just bailed
on us for tonight.

- What are you talking about?
- They canceled.

- She's going on CNN.
- Who-- uh, who's she sending instead?

Maggie, no one from the governor's
office is coming on the show.

- What happened with the call?
- Oh, God.

- What happened?
- This can't be because of the call.

- It happened on the call.
- I swear, I kept my personal feelings to myself.

I was on the phone
with Glenn Fisher

and it was really
just by the book.

Okay, so the preinterview
was going fine...

- Yeah.
- when all of a sudden...?

Things happen, Jim, okay,

that are beyond your super-newsman
powers of understanding.

I wish you had told me that you
dated Glenn Fisher in college.

How could you
possibly know that?

He told me, which is
what you should have done.

I know, but I thought
you'd take it away from me.

- I would have.
- And that's why I didn't tell you.

You have to tell me.
If you've had a relationship--

- It wasn't a relationship! We went out four times.
- Maggie.

And now he's the press aide
to the governor of a state

that gave us Barry Goldwater
and a football team

that couldn't find the end
zone with an OnStar system.

- You're a football fan?
- No, I looked it up.

Also, the fourth date
didn't count.

Is the fourth date relevant
to the preinterview?

- It might be.
- What happened on the fourth date?

We went back to his dorm room,

- we started making out a little.
- Uh-huh.

And then there was
a crazy banging on the door.

It was his ex-girlfriend
and she was shouting,

"I know you've got
some slut in there!"

- I think she meant me.
- Yeah.

And Glenn said,
"Get under the bed."

- Not the closet?
- No room in the closet. It's a dorm.

So I got under the bed
and he let his ex-girlfriend in,

and the two of them
patched things up.

- With you under the bed.
- Yeah.

When you say
they patched things up...

- Yeah.
- you're saying...

Oh, my God.
They did it, Jim! Okay?

They settled their differences.

And it didn't take very long,
because as it turns out,

- Glenn doesn't take very long.
- Compared to who?

Compared to... other people

and what I've read about
in the movies.

- It doesn't matter.
- Five minutes?

I didn't have
a stopwatch on him,

but I know it was under two minutes
because I was holding my breath.

- Is this important?
- I don't know what's important yet.

That's why I'm listening
to this story.

They finished, they left.

- I waited a minute, and then I left.
- Fast forward to the call.

He says the governor would also like
to talk about Arizona doing well

on Obama's Race
to the Finish initiative.

- And you say to Glenn...?
- "How appropriate for you."

- Good one.
- Thank you.

You said you didn't inject
any of your personal opinions--

I didn't inject any personal
opinions about the bill.

Okay, first of all,
the initiative is called

Race to the Top,
not Race to the Finish.

I know. That's why I was so
sure God was on my side--

because He teed me up
so perfectly.

- And second, why didn't he--
- Why didn't he get her out of the room?

It was 2:00 in the morning.
What was he gonna say?

"Why don't we go
somewhere private and talk"?

They were in his dorm room.
He was stuck.

- There were no options.
- You had an option.

You could have
not hidden under the bed.

I made a quick decision. It may
have been the wrong one...

- "It may have been"--
- but once I made it, I had to commit to it.

And I will tell you
something else.

He waited this long to tell us
he was bailing on purpose

so we'd get slammed
on getting a replacement.

- Do you think?
- Are you being sarcastic?

Because, yes, I'm pretty sure
he did this on purpose.

We've got less than
90 minutes to find someone

to defend SB 1070
and get them to a studio.

But after the show,
a bunch of us are going over

to the Emerald City
to see the Wizard--

- and maybe he can give you some--
- My brain is fine.

You give me the SATs
right now and I'll take them.

Maybe he'll give you some courage
is what I was going to say.

Please!

Tell me what to do.

Grab some bookers, whoever's free,
and come into the conference room.

- This is an emergency now.
- We'll be right there.

- Maggie.
- Yeah.

I don't know anyone
in the world

who would have hidden
under the bed.

Martin, Tamara, Kendra,
I need some help.

- What do you need?
- No, I can-- it's no big deal.

I just need--

Kendra, Tamara, Martin!

- Everything all right?
- I can fix it.

Okay.

What?!

- What the hell is going on?
- We lost Jan Brewer.

What? God!

Get someone else
from Brewer's office.

- No, we've lost the whole office.
- What?

- No one from Brewer's office is gonna be coming.
- What the hell happened?

- This is my fault.
- Look, I got into a stupid argument

with a press aide on the phone

and now he's giving
the governor's office

to everybody but us
so he can stick it to me.

Are you freaking kidding me?

- No, wait. Mac--
- No. That is what happened.

Day side's been running Jan Brewer
promos for the last six hours.

- Who's replacing her?
- Well, we're obviously late to the buffet,

so we basically had to book people
who were close to a satellite dish.

- Oh, boy.
- Dr. Dwayne Sotter.

He's an adjunct professor
at the University of Phoenix.

The University of Phoenix is an online university.
It's not in Arizona.

- But you can understand our mistake, right?
- No.

He's written several books
on immigration policy.

- Have I heard of any of them?
- They were self-published.

"This Land is My Land,"
"Ambushed,"

and "Don't Make Me Press One
for English in My Own Country."

- That is quite a sacrifice.
- Tamara.

We've got a former
Miss Oklahoma

who was second runner-up in the
Miss USA Pageant this year.

She claims she was
denied first runner-up

because of an answer she gave
regarding illegal immigration.

- Ah, the real victim.
- Martin.

Right, the third
is Ross Fernholm,

- a former state patrolman who was part...
- Don't say it.

of a border control group
called the "Citizens Militia."

Is this or isn't this
the exact opposite

of who I asked you to book?

God damn it, Jim!
What the hell were you--

- This is all--
- All gonna be fine.

- Jim is taking the fall--
- For exactly what I'm supposed to take the fall for.

I don't know what the hell
dance you two are doing.

Don't book these guys.
Scrap the segment.

They'll say we didn't have
anyone defending it.

Let's prep them the best we can
and have Will carry them, okay?

He'll just carry them.

I'll go and tell him.

- I should be the one to tell him.
- Maggie--

- He's gonna fire somebody.
- God knows he should.

- He will.
- He won't.

He won't.

Guys, he won't.

Hang on.

Dome of silence.
I have to--

Are people here under the
impression that Will is an ass?

Okay, you're wrong.
You know?

You're just wrong
and it's an injustice.

He's-- he'd throw himself
in front of a train

for anyone in this--

- Is Will in his office?
- He's at that thing uptown.

I'm sending him an e-mail
because I-- I can't

live with this
stupid promise I made

and, you know, completely
wrong information.

I'm nipping this thing
in the bud right now.

And "send."

Will is the best man
I've ever--

- What just happened?
- I got a staff e-mail from you.

- Me, too.
- I sent the e-mail to Sloan, I mean Will.

Ah. Oh, my God,
I sent it to Sloan.

I think the S in "Sloan"
became "staff."

You used the asterisk.

No.

No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Everybody listen!
Listen to me right now.

- Oh, man.
- Oh!

That was unusual.

I want everyone to delete
the e-mail you just received.

Delete it right now without reading it.
Honor system.

And then I need someone
to sneak into Will's office

and delete the e-mail
from his inbox.

If it's password-protected,

I need you to take
a baseball bat and smash--

- You told me he was uptown.
- I guess he came back.

- We stood in my office...
- Will.

this morning, and I said
under no circumstances

do I want anyone here
to know what happened.

And you said yes,
and yes again.

And it-- it really--

it really seemed like
you understood.

- And then you sent an e-mail...
- It was a complete--

- explaining in some detail what happened.
- Please, please let me--

And then you copied
47 reporters on it.

Can we go into your office?

You know how sometimes something
happens in an instant

that's so astonishing
you just shut down?

- Of course, that's underst--
- That doesn't fucking happen to me!

- We need some privacy.
- Really?!

We're going to go
into Will's office,

but I want everyone
to delete the e-mail.

Mac, I think I just accidentally
forwarded it to corporate.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- Why is this happening?
- I was sending an e-mail to you,

but accidentally sent it
to Sloan Sabbith,

but I either did or didn't
type the asterisk

and it went to staff
instead of Sloan.

Why were you sending it at all?

Because-- and here's where
I think I'm on firmer ground--

she thought that
you cheated on me

and that you were an ass,
which is not true.

I'm changing minds, Will.

I'm changing minds
all over the place.

- Get in there!
- Sure.

She thought you cheated on me and she
told me other people thought so, too.

I couldn't take that,
but I do take 100%

of the responsibility
for what just happened.

Who else would be responsible?

Arizona prison stats.

- Thank you.
- No one. I'm sorry.

- Don't mention it.
- That's--

I'm really impressed that
you're forgiving me so fast.

- I would have--
- No, what you heard was, "Don't mention it.

It's no problem.
Don't worry about it."

What I said was,
"Don't mention it ever."

- Will--
- Ever, Mac!

- Hospital costs and health care.
- How current?

- Fiscal 2009.
- Thank you.

I understand.

One more thing.

We lost Jan Brewer
and had to replace her

with a crazy professor at a website,
a member of the Citizens Militia,

and a former second runner-up
in the Miss USA Pageant.

It's going to be fine.
You'll carry them.

They'll barely have to speak.

Now you've shut down, right?

Ha ha.

Who fucked up?

- Now, you know I'm not going to tell you that.
- Okay.

- 98%.
- What?

I take 98% of the
responsibility, not 100%.

Is that right?

Listen...

you were in love
from the day you met me,

and for two years
you were the man

of any woman's dreams,
you know?

You'd have these ways
of doing things.

It doesn't matter.

I didn't know that I was in
love with you, too, until--

You cheated on me
with your ex-boyfriend.

That's right!
That's what happened.

I didn't know how I felt about
you until I was with him again.

So technically, I wasn't
cheating on the man I loved,

I was falling in love
with the man I loved.

- While cheating on him with your ex-boyfriend.
- Yes!

But you're missing that technically
it wasn't cheating, though.

The more important thing is
that I fell in love with you.

At the end of a romantic comedy

that would make
everything okay!

There's something I've always
been dying to ask you.

- Ask anything.
- Why did you tell me?

- Because I wouldn't have been able to live with it.
- Now I have to live with it.

- Would you rather I'd have been dishonest?
- Yes!

Yes, I'd very much rather

you hadn't told me.

Still, 98%.

I'm sorry, we have to do
the final rundown.

We're coming.

The first runner-up
wasn't available?

60 seconds to VTR.

Are we getting
the opening in HD or SD?

Where's it coming to me?
Which router?

Roll it in from the room.

Tess.

There's an SOT I want
in the D block--

Sarah Palin's comment
on the White House

not returning calls
from the Dutch,

except she calls
Holland Norway.

Find it, give it to Jake.

- Don't run it past Mac.
- Yes, sir.

Did we go to Afghanistan
because you cheated on Will?

- Can I get a little privacy?
- Not until you learn how to send an e-mail.

- You got invaluable experience.
- I got shot in the ass.

Well, be grateful you weren't
facing the other direction.

30 seconds out.

I've been cheated on.

One time literally
right on top of me.

This happened because of me.
No one should get fired.

I can resign, and it's fine
because Don wants me at 10:00.

I hope you don't do that.

I hope you stay here.

Good show.

Can you move his
BlackBerry off the desk?

- I can see it in the shot.
- Will.

Can you move your
BlackBerry off the desk?

Oh!

That wouldn't have happened if he'd
had one of those rubber protectors.

- Does 3 have to change lenses?
- No, we're good.

In four, three, two.
Roll VTR.

Good evening.
I'm Will McAvoy.

Deepwater Horizon
continues to spill oil

even as it sinks into the Gulf,

a Republican candidate
for Senate in Nevada advocates

poor people paying
doctors with chickens,

and Greece activates
a $45 billion aid package.

But we begin tonight in Arizona

where Governor Jan Brewer today
signed into law SB 1070,

which allows police
to ask for documentation

from anyone suspected of being
in the country illegally.

Our coverage begins
with Rachel Sachs

at the statehouse
in Phoenix. Rachel?

I have no idea
if the president even knows

that an entire Exxon Valdez is spilling
into the Gulf every four days.

Are you really not sure?

Because that would make you
dumber than previous estimates.

Would the two of you shut up?

- Sorry.
- I miss my BlackBerry.

Joining us tonight from
Washington is Daniel Mendoza,

Deputy Director of the
National Council of La Raza,

the largest Hispanic civil
rights organization in the US.

- Good evening, Mr. Mendoza.
- Thanks for inviting me here to speak to you, Will.

Let's jump right in.

Estimates are that
illegal immigrants

cost Arizonans
$2.7 billion a year.

- Is that a problem worth fixing?
- Of course it is.

But if it's an economic issue,
you need to consider that

deporting 12 million
undocumented workers

will drain 2.5 trillion over the
next 10 years from our GDP.

Arizona residents overwhelmingly
favor spending that money.

Back in two minutes.

- We don't have 1705.
- Joey.

30 seconds out.

- We know this next segment's going to be a problem.
- Really?

Why do you automatically assume
that a hospitality management major

won't be able to speak with
sophistication about constitutional law?

Make sure everybody knows this
is what blowing it looks like.

They know.

20 out.

It's gonna be fine.

The PhD is cool
with illegal immigrants

as long as they're checked for
diseases like smallpox and gayness.

I'm not sure I gave Will
the best form of the argument.

- Didn't we cure small--
- Yes.

15 back.

Does the militia guy really
want his gun in the shot?

I asked him that and he said,

"This isn't a gun,
it's a rifle.

And this rifle has a name,
and her name is Jenny."

If you keep covering for people,
I don't know who can do what.

- I wasn't covering.
- You've got a crush on this girl.

You told me to.
And, no, I don't.

In three, two.
Cue Will.

Welcome back.

We're discussing Arizona's
immigration bill SB 1070,

the Support Our Law Enforcement
and Safe Neighborhoods Act,

which was signed into law today
by Governor Jan Brewer.

Joining me now by satellite

are three strong supporters
of the new law:

Dr. Dwayne Sotter,
an academic

who's written extensively
about immigration policy;

Ross Fernholm, a former
Arizona State Patrolman

who now runs the all-volunteer
Independence Border Guards in Yuma;

and Gwen Lalley, a junior
at the University of New Mexico

and the second runner-up in
last night's Miss USA Pageant,

who was asked about
this very issue onstage

and who believes her answer
was what kept her from winning.

Thank you all for being here.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Will, I wanna be
very clear--

my answer didn't
keep me from winning,

it kept me from being
first runner-up.

- And we're off.
- Okay. Ahem.

Dr. Sotter, this is
your field of expertise,

so let's kick it off with you.

What do you say to those
who argue that SB 1070

is just targeting Americans on the basis
of skin color and nationality alone?

Absolutely, Will.

What would you say to them?

I'd say absolutely.

The bill does not target
religion or Muslims

or homosexuality,
just illegal Mexicans.

Well, yes, but you would
also say, right,

that the state legislature
has taken great pains

to ensure that it isn't
a racial profiling law,

even going so far as to amend it
to include the following language.

- Go 24.
- "Prosecutors would not investigate complaints

based on race, color,
or national origin."

That's right, just Mexicans.

- Dr. Sotter--
- Forgive me, Will. Latinos and Latinas.

And the argument that
we don't want to be a country

that pulls people over and asks for
their papers based on how they look?

Yeah, I don't like it
any more than you do,

but that wouldn't be the case

if it weren't for
the Latinos and Latinas,

el "criminelos,"
los "ilegatos."

That's not Spanish.

Ahem, Gwen, let's go to you.

You were asked last night
about the immigration law

and you said it was an issue
of states' rights.

And for that I paid a price.

That notwithstanding,
you raised an interesting issue.

This law will surely
be challenged in the courts

on constitutional grounds.

After all, states aren't allowed to
create their own foreign policy,

but it sounds like you've got
the right answer to that.

- Which is...?
- I'm a survivor and I don't know the word "quit."

- Probably other words, too.
- Shut it.

Ahem, states aren't
allowed to create

their own foreign policy,
but...?

But this isn't about
foreign policy,

it's about law enforcement.

Decades of federal inaction
have led to a dangerous

and unstable situation
on Arizona's border.

And if the federal government can't,
or won't, act to uphold the law,

then it's up to the states to exercise
their power and fill that void.

I'm an Ameri-can, Will,
not an Ameri-can't.

- Let's dump out of it.
- Ross.

- Yes.
- No, the whole thing, dump out of it.

I'm gonna go ahead and assume

that you're a supporter
of Second Amendment rights,

- judging by the rifle you've placed in your live shot.
- Yes, sir.

A frequent argument you hear
from gun rights advocates

is that we don't need
any more new laws;

what we need is a government to
enforce the laws we already have.

Couldn't the same be said
about immigration policy?

Yes, sir.

I'm saying you're a supporter
of the new law, right?

- Yes, sir.
- I can't take my eyes off of it.

Because?

Because laws that are unwieldy and
unenforceable aren't laws at all.

- I don't follow.
- Dump out of it.

- And, Mr. McAdoo--
- McAvoy.

- I beg your pardon?
- Doesn't matter.

Why don't we just
build a damn wall?

The Chinese built one
and you can see it from space.

- Are the Chinese better than us?
- No.

Although there's an old
saying-- show me a 15-foot wall

and I'll show you
a 16-foot ladder.

Then let's just build
a 17-foot wall.

- Hell, build it 18 feet.
- Yes. Yep.

- But you see their point, right?
- Whose point?

The people who build ladders.

- How about we get...
- I'm sorry, okay?

- I'm sorry. Just dump out of it.
- Will, can I jump in?

- She cannot jump in.
- Jump on in, Gwen.

- I think we're creating an environment...
- Ugh!

where pageant contestants
are afraid to speak their minds

when it comes to important
questions and whatnot,

and that's not the America
I grew up in.

You're 20 years old. It is
the America you grew up in.

- Not in Oklahoma.
- Especially in Oklahoma.

But we're gonna
have to leave it there.

When we come back,
Deepwater Horizon

sinks to the bottom
of the Gulf of Mexico.

I envy it.

...with the White House now
getting offers of assistance

from other countries to help
plug the gushing well.

What's this new SOT?
What's 907?

- Will gave it to me last minute.
- What is it?

It's Sarah Palin on the spill.

Former Alaskan governor and vice
presidential candidate Sarah Palin

weighed in earlier today
on Fox News.

Go 907.

Well, then, what the federal
government should have done

was accept the assistance
of foreign countries,

of entrepreneurial Americans
who have had solutions

- that they wanted presented.
- Who?

They can't even get
a phone call returned, Bill.

The Dutch.
They are known--

in the Norwegian--
they are known for dikes

and for cleaning up water
and for dealing with spills.

They offered to help,
and yet, no, they, too,

with the proverbial can't even
get a phone call back.

Okay, what she was saying
was that...

All yours.

yes, okay, the Dutch
live in Holland

and Norwegians live in Norway.

That's a mistake that--
people make that.

And I think Governor Palin
was referring

to an old fairy tale
about a boy--

she was saying that people were
offering to help, and that's great,

and phone calls
will be returned.

William Duncan McAvoy.

I think your parents
wanted to make it

plainly understood
that you are Anglo-Saxon.

I came up to personally
apologize for tonight's show.

The show kind of got away
from you a little.

It bordered on unprofessional.

Here's unprofessional,

here's the border,
and here's professional,

and all the way back here
is tonight's show.

- It was my fault.
- Yeah.

Did you know I got an e-mail
from Mackenzie today saying--

God. Yeah. I forgot you
were gonna see that.

Know how many people
work at this company?

Well, in the cable news
division, I guess about 350.

178,000.

Guys who sell jet engines
got that e-mail.

By the way, they also own
a tabloid magazine.

I'm inured to it.
It happened.

How's gossip gonna be worse?

It's been three years.
Time hasn't helped?

No.

I wish you had told me.

What would you have said?

- I'd have made you feel better.
- How?

I don't know.
I do it all the time.

Get it together
down there, fast.

- Got it.
- One more thing.

Your daily private meetings
with Reese are over.

Charlie, I respect you
more than anyone I know,

but I'm the one
sitting in that chair.

Yes, you are.

People across America
are watching Arizona,

seeing how
we implement this law,

ready to jump on even
the slightest misstep.

Many opponents
aren't even waiting for that.

You need a drink?

Sure.

There's a karaoke bar
down the street we go to.

Drinks and appetizers
are $3 until 9:00.

It's 9:15.

We sent an intern down
at 8:55 to order 30 drinks

and four platters
of tuna jerky.

The downside's the karaoke, but it's the
only place nearby that stays open late

unless you want to go
to the theater district.

I'd have thought
the downside would be

the four platters
of tuna jerky.

It's an affordable dinner.

Let's go.

- Are you in or are you out?
- What?

Are you in or are you out?

- Are we doing this, then?
- I don't understand. Are you mad at me right now?

Palin. How did Palin
get into the rundown?

First of all, I'm the EP.
Don't slip--

I'm the managing editor and I
don't need your permission--

Yes, you do, and you didn't ask for it
'cause you knew you wouldn't get it.

I made it clear that this show
isn't going to participate

in the endless cycle of
codependency between Palin...

- I know.
- and insult to injury.

You twisted yourself into
a Windsor knot to save her.

"I'm sure
that what the governor meant

was that the Dutch living
in Norwegia have good ideas.

And since she has
an intimate knowledge

of all calls going into
and out of the White House,

she's a credible source
on whether the Swedisians

have gotten
their message returned."

First of all,
the impression-- uncanny.

I'm not the one who asked
Victoria's Secret

to do five minutes of economic
reporting every night.

Victoria's Secret has a PhD
in economics from Duke

and is an adjunct professor
at Columbia.

Are you in or are you out?

I have to give you credit for
thinking you can chew me out

- on this particular--
- I'll chew you out on any particular day.

And by the way, when I say dump
out of it, dump out of it.

Reese got in your head.

And so you put
the almost-one-term governor

of a state where
nobody lives on our air.

- I'm don't believe I'm hearing--
- Yes, we fucked up

on a huge subject,
but ours was a mistake.

Yours was fear,

a need to be loved by
strangers and not our show.

Be the leader, Will.

Be the moral center
of this show.

Be the integrity.

Today's Friday.

By Monday I want to know
are you in or are you out?

Does anyone believe
I just got--

♪ I get the tinglies
in a silly place ♪

♪ It starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose ♪

♪ Wherever it goes,
I always know ♪

♪ You make me smile,
please stay for a while... ♪

We want to be
the ones to do it.

We want to be
the ones to do 2.0.

We can do this.

Give me a second.

How you doing?

I'm doing all right,
all rings consisted--

considered.

How much
have you had to drink?

I won't lie to you, Don.

- Yes?
- What?

You said, "I won't lie to you, Don,"
and then you didn't say anything else.

- I've had a drink.
- A whole one?

- Yeah.
- That's too much for you.

- It is not.
- Come to 10:00.

I really appreciate your offer,

but I think you're offering it
because I'm your girlfriend.

What's wrong with that?

Owww.

You're supposed to say,
"No, I'm not."

You're just inexperienced.
I will coach you up.

I want to be a part of what Will
and Mackenzie are trying to do.

- Will and Mackenzie are gonna fail.
- Jesus Christ, what's--

just because the scenery fell down
doesn't mean it's not a good play.

Yeah, I don't know what that meant,
but I'm not talking about tonight.

Nobody's gonna
watch a classroom.

They'll either be bored or infuriated
and you will bleed viewers.

And my show with Elliot
will get moved to 8:00.

And at that point, I don't know
that I'll be able to help you.

- It was your fault.
- Let's break up.

- What did I do now?
- You were too supportive.

- Maggie--
- I feel myself suffocating from your support.

You want truth or support?

Did you think I didn't
know I fucked up?

I've been saying it.

I have $45,000 in student
loans to pay off,

I spend three weeks'
take-home

on half a one-bedroom apartment
the size of a toolshed,

and I'm sitting alone at a bar with
a drink that was made an hour ago.

A good day is when I have
quarters for a dryer.

A bad day is when
I blow a newscast.

That's my spectrum.

Support is what
I wanted right then.

And I think you're rooting
for Will to fail.

- You just said it would be in your best interest--
- Listen--

And I know he's not the
cuddliest guy in the world,

but he is trying to do good

and he's risking a lot
to do it, and you and Reese--

Yeah, yeah.
Let's break up.

Don't-- no,
don't go like this.

I'm s-- I'm sorry.
I said the wrong thing.

Don...

Oh, I'm on fire today.

- Evening, Mr. McAvoy.
- Good evening, Manny.

We know how to live
with our neighbors here.

- What's that?
- Your show tonight.

I--

♪ Two jumps in a week ♪

- ♪ I bet you think... ♪
- You have to do a shot.

I really only drink
when I'm scared.

I would like to have a word with
you right here and right now.

Yes, ma'am.

Don't "Yes, ma'am" me
with your sheepish charm.

Would you like to go
someplace private?

I-- you covered for me.

- Don't worry about it.
- I wasn't thanking you.

You and Don-- why do you
think I need protecting?

You both like the fantasy
of a girl in distress?

- How about I put you in a cab?
- I take the subway.

- Why do you think I need prot--
- I don't.

But I cover for you,
Mac covers for me,

Will covers for everybody,
Charlie covers for Will.

How come nobody's
yelling at me?

- You know how bad you screwed up, right?
- Yes.

- Is there anyone who feels worse than you do?
- No.

Then I doubt
it'll ever happen again.

Let me give you
money for a cab.

No, I have to go to Don's
apartment and apologize.

- For what?
- For suggesting he would--

you know, for asking--

I'll think of it on the way.

We break up, I apologize,
everything's fine.

Sounds like a super-healthy
relationship.

- I'd fight for it.
- I will fight for it.

And I'll make it work
through sheer force of will,

just like Mackenzie
will with Will

and just like I made
the immigration segment work.

Will and Mackenzie
are going to kill each other

and the immigration segment
was a train wreck.

You should shut up
more than you do.

Do people tell you that?

No.

You're being polite.

I still don't know why
I'm being mean to you.

Tess?

- Would you?
- Yeah.

Sorry.

Hang on, all of you.

I'm your senior producer.

Fuck up again like this,
I'm gonna get mad.

That's it.

Take her to Don's place.

- That was so awesome.
- Thank you.

- Do a shot.
- No.

- Hello?
- Neal, it's Will.

- I hope you don't mind my calling so late.
- No.

I got your number from--
you know, there's a booklet.

- The office directory.
- Yeah.

The guy you found in Spokane,

I want you to get
in touch with him

and tell him that
you're gonna pay for a cab

to take him to and from work.

He should send you the receipts,
then give them to me.

Will--

come on, let me post this
on your blog.

- No.
- Will--

- Keep my name out of it.
- Yes, sir.

Is Mackenzie around there?

Yeah.

- Can you put her on the phone?
- Sure.

It's-- it's Will.

I'm sorry...
about everything.

I'm just so sorry.

- There's no way I can even--
- I'm in.

- What?
- I'm in. I'll see you on Monday.

- Are you still gonna worry about the ratings?
- Yes.

- Still gonna worry about being popular?
- Yeah.

About being loved by strangers?

Are you gonna keep asking me questions
that all mean the same thing?

Till I get the right answer.

I'm in.

There it is.

♪ Don't leave me high ♪

♪ Don't leave me dry. ♪