The New Avengers (1976–1977): Season 2, Episode 1 - Dead Men Are Dangerous - full transcript

Do you remember Perry?

He was our sports master at school.

Oh, Pinman?Perry.

Yes.
He was tall and thin as a post.??

- He's a good cricketer.
- So you.

Otherwise,?I might have made the team
once in a while.

Pinman Perry.

Finding the things you think of.??

You know, when we got to university,
I felt sure,?I was going to make that team.

But there you were?again.

You're not going to hold it
against me, I hope.



You were the better man.?

Mind you, I don't?think
I'll ever forgive you for Dorothy.

Definitely.

Tall and redhead.

Built like ...

... like the Albert memorial.??

Darn thing.
She was remarkably well it done.

And she?was also my date
at the varsity pool.??

Very unsporting for the old chap.?
- As they say ...

All is fair in love.
- And all?

Yes.

Well?

The wires can't the other side of the trees.

It'll be dark soon.



Good luck, Mark.

Do you know what I'm going to miss
most of all? ??

That old pub down by the river.

And the taste of warm bitter beer.
- You shouldn't talk like that.

So you won't coming back.

I'm not.

I've stood in your shadow?
ever since we were kids, Steed.??

You don't really think
I enjoyed that, do you?

Always be second best.??

Well, over there I can be my own man.

I can be big. Bigger than you either.
- You made a deal.??

They're waiting for me with open arms.

You know, I can't let you get away
with these men.??

I was rather hoping you tried, Steed.

- Mark.
- No chance.

You're letting me down, Steed.

Beating me again?

Try it.
Stop me, Steed.

So I can kill you?
and wipe you out of my life forever.??

Try and stop me, Steed!

Try and stop me.

So who will be quick with his hand?
Try damn, you try!

There is nothing we can do for you,
Comrade Bukowski.

You are lucky to have lived so long already.?

You see, the bullet is lodged in your heart.
We cannot operate.

Ya da rotas?n? de?i?tirmesi engellenebilir.

Over the?past ten years
it has moved nearly an inch.??

Now, you are very very close to death.

So he finally?killed me.

He beat me after all.
- What?

Nothing.

There's nothing you can do?

I'm?afraid no.

- But I feel no pain?
- No.

How long?

It's hard to say.
Not very long.

What will you do now comrade?

I've served this country faithfully
for ten long years.??

I think, now they'll permit me to go home.
- Home?

But first, I want you to certify me dead.

After all.

I'm as good as dead after.

Then I would go home.

Back to the taste of warm bitter beer.

The sound of a cricket bat.

- Inside!
- Oh?

Well.

That does it.

Thanks, Gambit.
Thanks for the workout.??

You threw the ball in the wrong place.
- Your home.

Oh, that explains your weird delivery.?

- Your back garden very small?
- Non-existent. It was a yard.

That does explain it.?

Anyway, what's wrong with my bowling?

You don't bowl. You hurl it.
You chuck it like a baseball player.??

Well, what's wrong with baseball?

Compared?with the intelligent flow of cricket.

Well, this is more interesting to?watch, eh??

What then cricket?

You sure this is just lemonade Purdey?

Well, it looked a bit sad.
So I added a dash of vodka to cheer it up.??

Oh, well in that case.

Ah!
Not bad.

You've invented a new drink.

Vodka and fizzy lemonade.
- And bitters.

- To cheer out the vodka.
- No. To cheer up the gin.

- Persuade 8?
- Sounds a bit medical.

- A purdka.
- Right.

Here.
Have a purdka.

Steed.

Steed is something wrong?

Someone just walked over my grave.

Hey, Barman.
Give me one for the road will you?

Have?one for yourself as well.
- Thank you very much.

Yeah.

Keep the change.
- Thank you very much, sir.

Thank you and good night.

Oh. And thank you for the stimulating conversation.

Good night, sir.
Thank you.

You're trash.
A cheap trash.

But you'll have to do.

If we were in a different car,?
I'd put my head in your shoulder.??

Would you mind?

If I were to say yes,
you could shoot me.?

Or certify me.

Shouldn't dream of doing either.

- It's very comfortable shoulder.
- Seen a lot of service.??

That means, it's a very experienced shoulder.

You know the Chinese don't think?
in terms of age.

Only experience.
- Oh?

But I'm not Chinese.

Which could be your only fault.

A nightcap?

Or I get you a taxi?

Let's start with a nightcap.

I'm burgled.

Being vandalized.

Steed.

Well, another fanciful impressionism.

Oh, your lovely limoges.
Your Dresden.

Oh, let's look on the bright side.

They overlook the water for glass.??

They must more important
this Spanish cognac.

I don't feel like a drink.

Purdey.

The only thing that can't be replaced
is the love and life of an old friend.

Not The Chinese didn't say?that.

They damn a lot to have done.

What was they?

The memories.

I did pretty well.

Into the job of a thug.

A bull in a china shop?
would have meant exactly the same thing.??

Look ...

... if you want me to go on working for you ..?
- You'll keep working for me.??

Not because of this.

It's not because of the money.

Now look!?

Look into my eyes.

Do you know what you see?

Death.

And I don't care.

Do you know what I see,
when I look in your eyes?

Fear.

And you don't care.

You cross me and i'll break you
like a dry twig.

You're trash.

But I worked with trash?
before i've made trash work for me.??

I've controlled it.
Directed it.

Lived with it for so long it
sticks in my nostrils.

You're trash.

We've got to find him.

Because the man i'm dealing with ...

... he's not trash.

He's the best.

He's always the best.

Still the best.

Higher, tic higher.

Whole place turned over eh?
- Decimated.??

Good, good. Excellent.
Did they take anything? - Nothing.??

- Come on Gambit. You're self-peddling.
- I'm not. I'm flat out ready to kill, I promise.

- Nothing?at all.
- Not a thing.

It was just pure vandalism.?
Somehow makes it worse.?

You did service back peddle, Purdey.

Do you wanna give me your?blows
above the waist Purdey?

I've got a date tonight.??

Then I'm striking a blow for womanhood and purity.

Purity?
Oh!

She's just completed around the world
cruise with five men for company.??

And then I'm striking a blow
for insatiability.

Checkmate.

We could stay like this all year.
- What, miss Christmas?

What a way to spend christmas.

- You're okay Gambit?
- You're not bad yourself Purdey.

Vandalism, hey?

- Steed come off about it?
- No. Cool as a proverbial cucumber.??

Except.
- Yeah?

- His school memories.?
- They broke his rocking rolls.??

Medals, trophies.
Silly, but irreplaceable?things.

They came in for most of them.??

Well, I'm buying the lemonade
if you're interested.

Gambit?

Lemonade?
Bitters? Vodka?

No, thanks.

- Are you sick?
- No.

See you later Purdey.

Steed why?
- That was enemies.

Enemies want to put a bullet
through your heart. Yes, but this. Well ...

... it's so calculated.
- Whoever it is knows me well.?

Everything I cared?about.
Yes, he knows me very well.

He or she?

I have?a motto about women.
Always leave them laughing.

Has all vindictiveness of a woman.??

Aren't you rather betraying your own sex?

I'm a realist. Inside every woman
there's a degree of pure cat.

Steed?

Whoever it is he's got to turn up
in your file somewhere.

Someone with a grudge against you.

Someone you put away.

Yes.

Are you coming?

You check the files.

I'll check my memories.

Cathy Gale ...
... Emma Peel

... Tara King

John Steed,
from cradle to contemporary times.

Well, he has led an exceptionally active life.??

And all apart from the more sensible?
moments you'll find in there.

Aren't there some of these missing?
This only starts withs twenty-one.

Well, aren't you and?Gambit
working together on this one?

- Gambit??
- He's got the other files.

Steed's early life.??

Ah, they were grand days.
Halcyon days.

They called me pin man you know.
Pin man Perry.??

Obvious why I suppose.
Always been spare framed.

Thin ...
- Good fit.

Oh, nowadays my exercise is confined
to a stroll around the garden.??

And my fish. Oh, you really
must see my fish before you go.??

Nothing exotic, you know.
Just ordinary goldfish, but ...

... they're my lads again I suppose.??

They never called me pin man to my face.
Wouldn't stand for that.

Of course.
About those other boys.??

Any of them keen rivals of Steeds?
- It's not that I didn't encourage them.

Brings out the sporting instincts you know.??

Yes, a couple of chaps. I had to pass?
them over for the school cricket team.??

Not good enough you see.

Not when I had Steed as opening bets.
- Well, they might have been jealous of him.??

Jealous, possibly.

They may have thought I was showing
favoritism toward Steed.?

Not that I was, you understand.
Yeah. No, he was the best there was.

Do you remember their names,
the jealous boys??

Oh, they'd probably be on the?roll
at the old school somewhere, but ...

Oh!
My lads.?

All my lads dead.

Now, who would do that?

Can I help you?

If you're looking for your son, I'm afraid?
the boys are at lunch at the moment.??

The big oak panel dining room.

The rostrum that always creaked
when the head master's turning.

No, I'm not looking for one of the boys.
I used to be one of them myself.??

Oh, I see.
A sentimental journey.?

Oh! Is that your name are?
Are you John Steed?

No.

Well.

Which of them is your trophy?

You don't keep a case
for second bet, do you?

But you're quite right.

It is a sentimental journey.

This room holds lots of memories for me.

You don't mind, if i stay here
for a while and just savour it?

No.
Of course not.

I'll leave you to it.

Savour it.

Now, you can't be one of the boys.

Well now. That tells me that your?
vision is unimpaired ... ??

... that you can distinguish
between the sexes.

But not what you want.

I was looking for someone
to try for more ...??

... senior.
A teacher.

That's me.
Penny Redfern. Maths.

That tells me we should get along.??

- Oh, you're a math teacher too, are you?
- No.

But I'm good with figures.
Gambit. Mike Gambit.

What can I do for you, Mr. Gambit?

What can you do for me?

Well, first i'd like to go over
the school records list of all the old boys.??

- And second??
- Take you to dinner ...

... and then on somewhere for a nice
quiet drink???

- Like your place, Mr. Gambit??
- The service there is highly recommended.??

- How well do you mix a martini??
- Well enough.

And please ...??

... call me Mike.

I'll go and find out where they keep
the school records, Mr. Gambit.

Don't go away.

Apparently the records are all kept
in the trophy room.

Must have been that man I left in here.
- Who?

I didn't catch his name.

But I thought there was something
strange about the way he behaved.

Strange, what way??

Well, he seemed very bitter and angry.??

What did he look like?

Oh, mid-forties. Not handsome.
Not exactly ugly ever.

He look at that.

Can you make up the name?

No, but I know it wasn't?him.
Because he said something about ...??

... always being second best.
- Second best? - Yes.

- I put the name under there. Steed.
- That's right. John Steed.??

Victor Nodorum 19 ...
Oh, years ago. - Victor who?

Nadorum.

It's a latin term.
Which means overall champion.??

Sort of top dog in sports.

I thought everyone knew that.

Not me, mate.
why all little lads was ...

... trotting out the latin,
I was probably up the mizzen.??

- Up the what? - Up the mizzen.
It's a mast on a ship. - Oh.??

Yes.
I joined the navy, when I was 14.

But I was never top dog.
Just a sea dog.??

This Victor Ladoran is there a run around?

Well, I?don't know.
Sports isn't my line.

Don't say that.??

I couldn't take two disappointments in one day.

Well, I'll look in here.
And ..you're looking there. - Right.?

What am I looking for?
- Sports events.

Anything Steed might have won.
I want to find out who came second.

Why did you never mention this medal?

What medal?

Steed, a man who's been awarded
the military cross ...?

... does not say what medal.

Which medal?

This citation reads like
a boy's adventure story.??

A machine gun post single-handed.
- Ah, yes.

A grenade fragment had torn my belt off.

I was using the other hand
to keep my trousers up.??

- Doesn't mention that here.
- I'm not surprised.

Why should it?

- Well, it does seem to go into every detail.
- Eh?

Surprisingly intimate.

Steed?

What?

That's very odd.

Well, thanks for letting me know.

Who's that?

Club cricket captain.??

Someone's been using a blow?
torch on the pavilion building.??

- Burnt it down?
- No. Just a small part of it.

That part of the honor's board
with my name on.??

The sports trophies.

It's as though someone was trying to.

Deny your very existence.
Eradicate you.??

So I can kill you and wipe?
you out of my life forever.

Try damn it!

Steed?

Get on the overseas security eastern sector.??

Find out all the information you can
on uh ..what's his name ...

... Comrade commissary Bukowski.

Bukowski??

He used to be a friend of mine.
When he still called himself Mark Crayford.

Put it down!

You mustn't touch that you understand.?

Look, I've done all right, haven't I???

Well, have I let you down so far?

But this is different.

This requires another skill.

This is work for a professional.

Tis you out there Mark.

Has to be.

Steed?

I'm at overseas security now.

They ran your chap?Bukowsky Crayford.

Whatever ran in through the computer.
- And???

- He's dead.
- Dead?

More than a month ago.
Result of an old wound or something.

Are you actually?certain about this, Purdey??

That is confirmed report.
Triple confirmation.

What do you want me to do now?
Well I ...

Steed ..Steed!

Steed, what's happened?

Steed, answer me.
Steed!

Steed.

Steed!

Steed, answer me.
What's happened? Steed!

There's another man.??

Steed seems about run out fenced?
down with it every boy in the school.??

- But no one name springs off the page.
- Well, I have to check them all.

Miss Redfern!

Oh, Headmaster.
He may be able to help.

Miss Redfern.
Is this an exam to set our voice???

Well, they'll find out sometime.
But it's not what you think.

Unfortunately yet.
Oh, Gambit. Mike Gambit.??

You will cooperate?
Good.

Miss Redfern has a list of names then ...

... and if you could put some
present addresses by them.

Thank you.

See you for dinner about eight?

Headmaster.

Miss Redfern, do I understand that you
planned an essay relation with that person?

I certainly have.
And Headmaster ...??

... if you're going to say
so school or him,

I'm afraid the school loses.

You're lucky Steed.

No optical trauma. No concussion.
Very superficial head wound.??

But a fraction of an inch closer.
- Remarkably lucky.

Then you're really born again Steed.??

we found you with fully clever.??

How are you feeling?

Drums crashing the cranium.?
Cymbals in either ear.

The earth's shaking.
- Headache.??

Definitely.

I just heard the news.
Are you okay, Steed?

Did you see who fired the shot?
- Gambit, he's okay apart from his headache.??

Any ideas on who did it?

I thought, I had,
but he turned out to be dead.

Come on both of you.
He needs to rest.

Not a bit?of it.
There's nothing with an aspirin ...

... and a brandy and soda.

He's all right.

It's a superficial wound.

That assassin is a very poor shot.

Or the best there?is.?

That's just warning shot.

He's telling us, he can get Steed
whenever he wants to.??

Car was stolen.

Where from?

What about fingerprints?

Clean.

Okay.
Keep checking.

I thought, you said dinner not a sauna.

Unforeseen circumstances.

- Can I come in?
- Of course.

- You're hurt.
- No, I'm not hurt.

But it does hurt.

Yeah.
Let me.

What were you doing, running for a bus??
- Something remarkably like that.

- I settle for a sandwich.
- What?

I don't mind?staying here.

Then I can help you move in.??

I moved in four years ago.

Just I've never had a chance to unpack.

Is there a lot? ?

At the? moment ...

... I don't think we know each other well?
enough for you to address by more ...

... serious well ...

... yet.

Yet?

I got that sandwich.

I identified that man, I think.

- Are you?
- Well, it's?only an old school photograph.

But some people?never change.
Especially the eyes.

I think that's him there.
- That must be young Steed beside him.??

It is.

And name's on the back.
- Mark Crayford.

And he?isn't dead.
- Definitely not.

The man I saw was very much alive.??

Hey, what are you doing?

Sorry, got to take a rain check this time.

Oh, what about ...
- Soon.

Very very ...
- Soon.

That's it then.
That's ..a lot.

Would you like to ..check?

- Speakers, audio jacks, cable.
- Heavy duty for outdoor.

Amplifiers, microphone ...

Microphone?

Do you know, two years ago I would have
killed you for a mistake like that.??

- Well, I ..I can get one.
- You get two, get several.

This is a mammoth production.
Mark Crayford presents.

Mark Crayford presents.

Definitely?for one performance only.

Please take your seats promptly.

The curtain goes up precisely on time.? ?

Steed?
- No. Crayford, Mark Crayford

Steed?
- Thank you for your help doctor.

I have an authority here.
And I'm ordering you to get back ...?

Into the wounded man
may assume responsibility ...

... for discharging himself
from hospital care.?

Paraph 5, subsection 14 A.
Look it up for yourself.

- While I'm doing that, you'll be long gone.
- That's?the idea, yes.?

I'm all right George.
Really, I'm all right.

But I need to be out of here.?

- So he can take potshots at you again.?
- Perhaps, but Purdey said was right.??

Warning shots.
I've been well and truly warned.

And George ...

... Paraph 5, subsection 14 A.

I made it up.

Anything?
- First, the bad news.

He and Steed have been buddy buddies
since they were kids.??

So he'd know better than
most how Steed's mind works.

Also he's got a class a oneplus pass.??

Which means he's a top man efficient
trained to kill mean ruthless.

- What about the good news?
- There isn't any. ??

How about his psychological interview?
- On tape recording.

Well, check it.

Well, I think, I'm an imaginative person.
- Yes. That?may be, Mr. Crayford.

But what makes you think
you're fitter to this particular work???

- John Steed. - I'm sorry.
- I mean, if he can do it, I can.

I see.??

- You feel yourself superior to Steed?
- At least equal to.??

But I've ever beaten him except once.

But?that was on my own terrain.

Yes, I beat him once.

They should make that area.
A place of historic interest rope it off.

- It's set.
- Have you checked it? - Oh yes.

Well, check it again
when we place the clock.

Nothing tangible.
- Crayford isn't dead.

He's alive.
And he's back in this country.??

- Conjecture.
- Educated guess.

So ...

... he's entered this country
quietly, illicitly.??

Where would you go Sandy?

- Hotel.
- No, no hotel.

You need papers, passports, questions.
Same if you rent an apartment.??

He's lying low somewhere.

Somewhere he feels safe.?

- And if he feels safe ...
- He must know the place ...

... like the back of his hand.

But where?

Hello?

Purdey, are you all right?

Of course I'm al right.
What is this?

Everything I care about.

You said it, remember?

Steed.

- You said it.
- But Steed.

My pictures, my porcelain, Bentley.

You.

Yes.

You will take great care of yourself,
won't you?

For me.

Yes, I will Steed.
Good night.

Good night.

Steed.

John Steed.

Mark.

Recognize my voice, do you?

After all these years.

Second best, Steed.

No.

I was always the better man.

Always.

I want you to die insure, Steed.

By minutes, seconds.

Like me.

That's why I got Purdey.

I have Purdey.

She'll die first place.

And then you.

Slowly.

Slowly.
So I can savor it.

That'll bring you to your knees,
won't you Steed?

That humble I wanted.

On your knees.
Begging!

History will repeat
for the second time.

And they will know
who is the second best.

And who is the better.

They'll ...

They'll know who is the ...

And I add
bullet to bullet.

Add a life ...

... for a life.

I'll kill you soon.

But first ...

... Purdey.

Make you suffer.

Purdey.

You've got a short time, Steed ...

... to find that clock.

Whenever it rings ...

... that's the moment
I kill Purdey.

Feel it tic.
Like a hearbeat.

Like a doll you feel the pulse of.

And that little rings ...

... and Purdey will be dead.

Hurry Steed.

First Purdey ...

... then you.

Waits to ...

... such suffering for you.

And I'm going to vicariously
share your agony ...

But first Purdey ...

... then you.

Why?

Why must I kill you?

Why must I kill Steed?

But Steed killed me. ?

Ten years ago
he put a bullet in my chest.

It's here.

And it's moving.

And very soon I shall be dead.

And so will Steed.

Well, you've done everything possible.?

Put his picture on the hotline.
Warned?all agents.

He's an old hand.
He'll spot them a mile away.

He's good.
Yes, one of the best.

One of the best.

And even beat Steed once.

Didn't he?

- You feel yourself superior to Steed?
- At least equal to.??

Not that I've ever beaten it.
Except once.

But that was on my own terrain.??

His own terrain.

That's where it hide up, isn't it?

Somewhere familiar, somewhere in new world.?

Yeah, but where.
There's no hint to where that place is.

But Steed would know,
wouldn't he?

I don't want to get mixed up
in now killing.

You said we were just
going to throw scare into him.??

Not killing.

You tried to mug me.

And I wasn't the first.

Do you hit a man too hard
and what have you got???

A dead man.

And for what?

All for the contents of one small wallet.

All right, but afterwards
we split and run. Right?

What you do afterwards is of no concern to me.

You see, I won't be running anywhere.???

It doesn't matter whether they catch me.??

Just as long as Steed suffers.

And I take him with me.

It has to be somewhere nearby.

Perhaps within a fifty mile radius.??

Yes, I know that's a wide area to cover,
but it has to be done. Got to find Purdey??

Let me know as soon as you find anything.

Anything.
We've got to find her.

Purdey.

Mark's got Purdey hasn't he?
- He's crazy.

He threatens to kill her at exactly
5AM the moment this alarm rings.??

Who knows where he's hiding her?
- Perhaps?you do.

Because he beats you once.
- No. He never did beat me. ??

That's the whole point behind what he's doing.

But he did beat Steed.
Just once in his own terrain.??

I don't know where or when it?was.

Perhaps you were kids,
but he did beat you.??

- Kids.
- You've got to think back, Steed.

That one time.
That one time he scored of you.

Now, where was it??

Kids.

The Folly.
- What?

Victorian Folly.
He used to play there.

This is the scene of my triumph.

These ladders run right to the very?
top and up above there's a bell.

And we stood.

One on either side.

And we counted.

One.

Two.

Three.

And the first person rang the bell.

That's the scene by triumph.

The only time I ever beat Steed.

Until now.

How much time left?

Different sort of bell this time.

Listen!

- What?
- I heard a car.

Now.

Check it.

Look!

We can't have unexpected visitors?
at a time like this, can we???

- Personally, I'd welcome it.
- Yes, I'm sure you would.

We've got three minutes.

- There's only one way in.
- No.

Not if I take the outside.

You'd like to see the dawn come up.

Don't you?

No of course.

You wouldn't.
Not under the circumstances.

It'll be quick, I promise you.

I want to see Steed suffer?
naturally of course, but you.

Naturally.

It'll be instantaneous.

I promise you.

John.

Hello Mark.

I win John.

I win.

At last ...

... I win.

No!

What happened?

Steed shot him.

That was ten years ago.

Years before that.
When we were children.

I know it.

Was the only time he ever beat you?
- No, he didn't.

He cheated.

He brought a stone?with him
and threw it at the bell.??

And you never told him you knew.

He desperately needed to win.

How could I tell him?

He was my friend.