The Neighborhood (2018–…): Season 5, Episode 3 - Welcome to the Ballgame - full transcript

Hey, Pop.

You are loving your
new truck, huh?

Did you buy or lease?

Lease? I don't lease.

Ain't nobody telling me

how many miles I can
put on my own truck.

Anyway, I was wondering,
what are you doing tomorrow?

Any plans?

No, I just plan to
relax and do nothing.

So... whatever you have
in mind, it's a no.

Okay, then.



Uh, yo, Dave.

Any plans tomorrow?

Free as a bee.

Well, what would you say
to field-level VIP tickets

to the Dodgers game?

Heck yeah.

Uh, hell no.

Why wouldn't you
ask your father?

I did ask my
father. You said no.

Well, that's when I thought
you were asking me to do

something stupid, like dinner.

Look, I gave the boy life,
he's giving me the ticket.

Well, actually, Dave, you
and Grover can come, too.

I got five tickets.



One of the perks
of my job at USC.

Oh, wow.

Well, life has gone full circle.

I mean, I used to take
you to the game as a boy.

Now, as a man, you're taking me.

Yeah. See, Malcolm,

you got me all teary-eyed
in front of Dave.

You know, this will
be me and Grover's

first baseball game together.

A big milestone in a boy's life.

Huh.

Well, now I'm
getting teary-eyed.

Hey, guys, what's going on?

Dave, are you crying?
Well, with joy.

Malcolm got us Dodger tickets.

It's gonna be father-son
day at Dodger Stadium.

Aw, that's so sweet.

I'm jealous. I love baseball.

Oh, well, you can come,
too. I got five tickets.

Great. I'd love to.

What about Marty?

Oh, Marty's got wedding stuff
with Mom and Necie tomorrow.

Sucks for him.

: Yeah, fantastic for me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What?

What? Huh.

No.

No, no, no, no.
It's, it's great.

You know, I was just
thinking that it was gonna be

a father-son thing,
but obviously

it doesn't have to be.

So, what, I'm
gonna mess that up?

You can't have fun if I'm there?

No. No. Not at all.

It's just, you know,
when it's all the guys,

we do guy things, and
if you're there...

it's just different.

Different how?

Oh, damn.

I was just thinking
it's-it's-it's

the kid's first
baseball game, and...

you know how moms can be.

No, I don't. Tell me, Dave.

Oh, damn. Oh, damn.

Well, you know moms...

They're just always...

mom-ing.

"Don't do this" or
"Don't eat that."

It just sort of
cramps our style.

In a... in a caring way.

Well, I'm sorry you feel that
way, but I'm still coming.

But how about I
promise you this?

I won't be a mom at all.

I won't even bring
hand sanitizer.

It'll be like I'm
not even there.

Sounds so good, Gemma.

I saved that, right?

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪

Yes! This is how you
do the ball game.

Great seats that I
didn't have to pay for.

Thank you, Malcolm.
Thank you, man.

Thank you, son, so much.
Did I said thank you?

: Yeah, Pops, you said
it the whole ride.

And through the metal detector.

And at the bathroom.

But... let me hear
it one more time.

Thank you, Malcolm.

You're welcome.

Hey.

All right, it is going down.

Mom, I'm hungry.

Oh, Mom isn't here today, honey.

My name is Gemma, and
I'm drinking beer.

Dad, I'm hungry.

Well, yeah, sure thing.

After the first inning,
we are gonna pig out.

But I'm hungry
now. I'm starving.

I'm light-headed.

Okay, yeah. You
know what? Let's go.

Get it out of the way
now. Good idea. Come on.

Okay... oh.

Ooh. Hey, Mookie's up.

Mookie! Yeah, yeah, Mookie!

Rip city, you're the mayor.

Ah...

You and your
superstitions, Pops.

Especially not blinking
while the first batter's up.

That makes no sense.

All I'm gonna say is,
2020 World Series champs.

Well, what about literally
every other year?

Those are the years I blinked.

Okay. Mom, can we talk
about your guest list?

Oh, what's there to talk about?

Uh... well, mine is 30 people.

I've got 53.

And, Mommy, yours is...

I don't know because
I'm only on page eight.

I cut down as much as I
could. I'm down to the bone.

Down to the bone?

Mama, Janice is on
here. You hate Janice.

Yes, and I want her to see that
my kids are better than hers.

Okay, fine. I'll
try to get it down.

: Do or do not.
There is no try.

What'd you say to me?

I think it's a Star Wars thing.

Oh.

It sure is. Ah,
but don't worry.

: Soon clear all will become.

What is happening?

Oh.

Tonight, Necie and I
are watching Star Wars.

I've never seen it.

But Marty has acted out
every single scene for me.

It's adorable.

Can I join you? I've
never seen it either.

Mom, we watched it together.

It's one of my fondest memories.

Oh, sorry, baby. I must
have fallen asleep.

Really, Mama? How could you?

Oh, don't get so upset.

Moms have to catch their
sleep wherever they can.

I don't think

I saw a minute of
his school plays.

Wait, is that why
you said I was great

as the Tin Man in The Wiz?

Baby, you were.

I was the Cowardly Lion!

Boom, boom!

No way.

Did you see the way
Bellinger handled that pitch?

Yeah, he handled... he handled
it. That was something, Pops.

Excuse me. Sorry.

All right. What did we miss?

Ho-ho, you don't even
want to know, bro.

Darn it. All right.
Let's go Dodgers!

Did you get ketchup? Oh,
yeah. It's right here.

I need a napkin.

Okay, hold on. Here you go.

I can't get this open. Can
you open it? All right, yeah.

Just give it to me. Don't...

There's a cup in my cup holder.

Okay, okay. Just
set it down here.

Cheese is getting on my pants.

Okay, I'll take this. Now
there's cheese all over me.

No... My hot dog
fell on the ground!

Okay, all right.

Here you go.

Just eat it, I'm sure it's fine.

Dave, I think Grover's
gonna need another hot dog.

Oh, and I'll take another beer.

All right. Come on, buddy.

Oh, he's going, he's going.

Yes!

Ah!

Did you see Bellinger
steal second?

Yeah, he's a thief, Pops.

That's cool, that's cool.

You're not even looking.

Oh, Pop, I'm looking.

Oh, come on. Damn
it, I missed that.

Because I'm not
looking at the game,

looking at you not
looking at the game.

What is going on?

All right, I-I
spotted a woman I know

sitting a few rows back to
the right, but don't look.

And...

You both looked, didn't you?

I'm still looking. I
was a little curious.

Her name is Kayla.

And at first I was into
it and she was into it.

But then I wasn't so into it

and she was, like,
really into it,

so I had to get
the hell out of it.

Trust me, if she sees me,
we're gonna get into it.

So, you're gonna
let an ex-girlfriend

ruin our perfectly good day?

Pop, it won't be a perfectly
good day if she sees me.

Trust me, you don't
want to see Kayla

with a bat in her hands.

Wait. Pause, pause,
pause. Okay, okay.

Remind me again why we're
starting with the fourth one?

Oh, no, the fourth
one is the first one.

So, is that like a space thing?

No. It's just the way
he told the story.

And that garbage can that
goes "bleepy bloopy,"

he needs the gold man to speak?

Well, yeah. He's a translator.

But my Alexa can speak.

My car can speak. Right, but
this is a long, long time ago.

But they have spaceships.

It's a galaxy far, far away!

Look, can I just, can I
start the movie again?

What are you doing?
What are you doing?!

I just got an email.
Keep going, it's fine.

No. No, no, no, no. Okay.
No phones during Star Wars.

He's acting like
he's in the movie.

♪ For it's one, two,
three strikes you're out ♪

♪ At the old ball game. ♪

Dodgers!

Look at you, man.

It's the seventh-inning stretch,
and you're not even stretching.

Okay...

What did you do to that woman?

Nothing.

It just didn't work out, so...

I ghosted her.

Oh, so instead of manning up

and telling her
you're not interested,

you just disappeared?

Well, I wouldn't
put it like that.

Well, how would you put it?

I would say I cared so much

about her feelings,
I avoided them.

Okay, then, maybe it's not
too late to get things right.

Oh, no, I think it's too late.

I don't know, she looks sweet.

Yeah? Well, check
out her texts.

"I hope you go to hell." Oh...

I mean, it's not that bad.

No, no, no. Keep reading.

"You stupid..." Oh! Oh!

"And you can stick..."

Yeah, she doesn't look
the way she texts.

Excuse me. Sorry.

All right.

We should leave now so
we can beat the traffic.

Come on. Boo!

Who brought this guy?

No, I agree with Dave.

We should go now
to beat the crowd.

Plus... my neck is killing me.

Oh, you can blame
yourself for that.

Dad, I'm cold.
Where's my jacket?

Oh, I-I didn't bring one.

I wish Mom was here.

Okay, let's go buy you a jacket.

And another ice cream.

You just said you were cold.

Well, I won't be with a jacket.

All right, come on.

Oh, and while you're there,

hook a sister up with a churro.

Ooh, make that two, and don't
forget the caramel sauce.

Hey, Dave.

Dave, maybe I
should go with you.

No, no, Malcolm,
you're gonna stay here

and you'll watch this
game with your father.

Come on, Pop. You come on.

You know what, Malcolm?

I thought this could
be our new tradition.

You treating me to tickets.

You know, father and
son at the ballpark,

just like Field of Dreams.

Except for there's no
cornfield and nobody's dead.

Yeah, well, not yet.

But if Kayla sees me,
that could change.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I have never left a
Dodger game early,

and I'm not gonna start now.

Plus, I've got the car keys.

So sit down!

Everybody start
watching the game,

and start having fun right now!

Including you, sir!

All right, look at that.

The Dodgers have eight hits in.

I've missed all of 'em.

Nice jacket, Grover.

My son's first baseball game,

and he will have
this memento forever.

Ha!

He'll grow out of
it in six months.

I thought you weren't here.

I'm not.

If I was, Grover would
have a hoodie from home.

And a bag of carrots.

Oh, look, look. We're
on the dance cam!

Oh, look at that!

Oh, give Daddy some room.

Come on!

Everything okay
down there, Dave?

Oh, yeah, Just making memories.

Is that one an Ewok? No.

Is that one an Ewok?

Babe, just, just watch.

When does Billy Dee
Williams show up?

Wait a minute.

Is Billy Dee Williams an Ewok?
'Cause I don't play that.

This movie is too dry looking.

I know, it's making me thirsty.

And you know, it takes too
long to get to the Ewoks.

Ewoks aren't in this movie!

They're in the third one.

So the one before this one.

No, two after this.

I mean, come on, Marty.

You got to admit
that's confusing.

Oh, that is interesting.

Because hundreds of
millions of people

clearly do not
find it confusing.

Can you believe Dave and Malcolm

wanted us to leave early

and miss Freeman's
walk-off homer?

Oh, actually, Dave did miss it.

Oopsies.

We had a great time spending
the whole ninth inning

looking for Dippin' Dots.

We found 'em. Yeah, we did.

Yeah, I had a great time, too.

Even though Malcolm ghosted
me like he did that woman.

I guess that's
just what he does.

I got you free tickets
and free parking.

I don't hear you
complaining about that.

Grover!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Did he get any of
that in my new truck?

I-I mean, is-is the boy okay?

He's fine and, uh...
so is the truck.

I-I think he just has a
little bit of a stomach bug.

Uh, or...

his father let him eat whatever
he wanted for four hours.

He didn't have that much.

He literally ate his
height in hot dogs.

Gemma, at this point
there's no reason

for me to tell you
that were right.

The proof is...

all over the parking lot.

: And on the upholstery.

Ah...!

I heard that.

You owe me a full detail.

I'm sorry that I said that you
were gonna ruin guys' night.

But can you please be here now?

Yes. And lucky for you,
I have wipes and Tums.

Thank you.

Look at this.

This traffic is insane.

We've been stuck
for like 20 minutes.

I have to pee.

At least.

At least? Probably more. Okay.

Oh, oh, please don't pee
or more in this truck.

Hit the child lock... I-I
don't know where the button is.

Just hit the button.
It's a new truck.

Hey. Hey.

You're missing your movie. Yeah.

We just got to the part

where they fell into
the wet garbage...

Ah.

It's so cool.

Necie, come on, you
think it's silly.

No.

If it's important to you,
it's important to me.

So, why is it important to us?

Okay, look.

I don't share this with
a lot of people... Mm.

But the truth is, I
wasn't the coolest kid.

What...? Yeah.

I know. Growing up
was rough for me.

Like...

I wasn't like the other
boys on the block.

I didn't talk like them,
I didn't dress like them.

Whenever we played basketball,
they called me Airball Butler.

My dad came up with that one.

Babe.

I spent a lot of time
looking for where I fit in.

You know?

Space and sci-fi movies
were like my escape.

I mean, come on, I work
with rockets and robots.

Where do you think
that came from?

Seems like Airball Butler
got his dream. Yeah.

And he got the girl.

See, you better believe
it. Yeah, you know.

I know.

Mom, are you...? Shh.

Are you enjoying this?

Yes, it's exciting, and, look,

that wizard guy's wearing
the same costume we made

for your school
Halloween parade.

Yeah, that's Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Yes, Obi-Wan. Oh.

We made his robes together.

Oh, we had so much fun.

I stayed up all night
sewing that thing.

He looked so cute.

Mama, I did not look
cute. I was fierce.

Now I remember
watching this movie.

The guy in the black
football helmet...

Yeah? He killed Obi.

And then the big monkey man

helped blow up the Death Ball.

That's it. I knew it.

Is that a spoiler?

Several.

Pop, I know you think I
took the easy way out,

but... man, dating now is
not like it was in your day.

My day? Yeah.

Some things never
change, Malcolm.

I mean, you called it
ghosting, back in my day

we called it "hit
it and quit it."

It was foul then
and it's foul now.

You're right.

I promise, moving forward,
I will handle things better.

But-but, hey, at
least you got to see

a good game tonight, right?

Why do you think I was so
excited about this game?

Because you love the Dodgers.

No, Malcolm.

I was excited to spend
some quality time with you.

Hell, I could've
watched the Dodger game

at home in my drawers.

And I spent the whole
time hiding from Kayla.

Mm.

I'm sorry, Pop.

Hey, you want to watch
tomorrow night's game together?

I'd love to.

All right. All right.

You're gonna have to
wear some pants, though.

Eh...

We'll see about that.

Okay. Ooh.

There are no Porta Potties
within a quarter-mile radius.

I got to pee in a bush.

Oh.

Congratulations, Grover.
You are now a man.

Nice. Yeah, up top.

Can I get a squeeze of that
hand sanitizer? Yeah, mm-hmm.

Oh, traffic's starting to move.

Hey, Malcolm,

would you see if that
guy will let us in? Yeah.

Oh, my God, that's Kayla.

That's Kayla? Yeah.

Oh, don't worry, I got this.

Hey, Kayla!

I got your boy Malcolm here.

Malcolm?

Hey, Kayla.

Girl, we was just
talking about you.

It was, um...

It was a good game, huh?

Good game? Yeah.

Good game?

You've got a lot of nerve,

you arrogant, two-faced-ed,
lying-ass dirtbag.

How dare you ghost me?

Yeah, but, Kayla, come on...
You know what, Malcolm?

No, no. The less you say,
the sooner it'll be over.

You know what?

You can kiss my ass. Mm.

Besides, you weren't
all that anyway,

two-minute brother.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

That's my son you're
talking about!

Don't roll the window
up. Oh, hell no.

Roll it back down, back down.

I got my list down to two pages.

Oh, thanks. That
is reasonable.

Mama.

You just used a smaller font.

Well, I thought you were
tripping about the pages,

not the number of people.

You met the caterer. It's
gonna cost $120 a plate.

$120 a plate?

Let me see that list.

Uh-uh.

Okay.

Baby, you just crossed off
the whole church choir.

Babe, if they ain't
singing, they ain't eating.

Don't need him.

Carlos ain't even got
teeth. What he gonna do...?

Ooh, I'm gonna keep Janice.

I want her to see that our
kids are better than hers.

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