The Neighborhood (2018–…): Season 4, Episode 14 - Welcome to the Big Little Leagues - full transcript

All right,
Pasadena Dodgers.

It's our first game
of the season.

All your hard work
is about to pay off.

Yeah. Pay off.

And it is time to
collect dividends.

And you are all too young
to understand

the banking metaphors.

Is anybody else nervous that
we don't have our uniforms yet?

Yeah. Hey, hey, hey,
uh, uh, relax.

The team sponsor
promised to bring them

before the season starts,
all right?



Man, that's in, like,
five minutes.

But, hey, in the meantime,
let's, um...

get on our feet,

let's close our eyes

and do some deep
breathing exercises.

Oh, yeah. Breathing.

Very Zen.

Now, breathe in.

One, two, three.

Breathe out.

One, two, three.

When I say "whoo,"

you say "sah."

Whoo.



Sah.

Whoo.

Sah.

Uh, son, that's "Wu-Tang."

All right?

Know the classics.

All right?

And speaking of something
that's also for the children,

check these out.

Hey!

Oh, man. Those look
like real Dodger uniforms

that got left
in the dryer too long.

Yeah.

You know what?
And here's the best part.

Bam!

Whoa.
Look at that.

Very subtle, Pop.

Uh, was the Goodyear Blimp
unavailable?

Well, it-it gets better.

Because, during night games,

my face gets highlighted.

It's like Vegas.

But instead of Donny
and Marie,

it's me.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood.
*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*

*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*
Season 04 Episode 14

Aired on:
March 07, 2022.

Hey, it's not too small, is it?

Episode Title:
"Welcome to the Big Little Leagues"

No, Pop. This is youth baseball,

but that is
a major league banner.

So, what do you want me to do,
Coach?

I can get the kids started

with some calisthenics
and some wind sprints.

Maybe some shuttle runs.

Uh, no. No, see, that's
a little old-school, Pop.

Before we do any physical work,

we do visualization exercises.

See the ball.

Be the ball.

And... throw the ball.

Now...

catch the ball.

See that, Dad?

I just jumped four feet
and caught it off the wall.

Imaginary Gold Glove
goes to you, buddy.

Since we're imagining things,

I'm gonna imagine I just
didn't see that. What is...

Listen, I'm just trying

to take a more holistic
approach to the game, man.

It's important to train
their minds and their bodies.

Son,

Babe Ruth once ate
12 hot dogs before a game.

That man wasn't worried
about his mind or his body.

And he was a winner.

Well, there's more to
sports than winning, Pop.

What? Son, come on, now.

I taught you better than that.

My coaching got you
all the way to the pros.

Let me see your lineup card.

Cards are so old-school, man.

It's an app now.

Give me the thing.
Oh.

Okay, so you got A.J.
at first base.

Wh-Which one is A.J.?

Oh. Right over there.

The one wearing his glove
as a hat.

Okay.

That's not gonna work at all.

Whoa, whoa, hold up.
What are you doing, Pop?

Call me old-fashioned,

but I'm putting in
your best players.

And we may...

use an actual ball.

Hey, kid! Heads up!

Okay, let's-let's imagine
that didn't happen.

Cupcakes!

Get your cupcakes
here!

Made with peanuts
and Cracker Jacks!

And I do care
if you ever come back!

Hey, uh, Mommy...

...would you, uh, hook
your favorite son up

with one of those cupcakes?

Oh, well, these are free samples
to drum up my business.

But for you, baby,

- Mommy has a extra.
- Oh.

That's what I'm talking about.

Did your finger just slip

or did you just wipe off
some of my frosting?

What?
There's too much frosting.

I worked hard to get my
cake-to-frosting ratio perfect.

And you are not worthy
to eat it. Gimme!

- You're not worthy!
- Please!

Cupcakes!

Get your perfectly frosted
cupcakes here!

All right,
come on, Noah!

- You got this!
- Come on.

See the ball, be the ball.

Just hit the ball.

Whoa!

- Oh, that's out of here!
- All right!

That's what I'm talking about!

Oh, man, Noah really crushed
that thing, huh?

And whose idea

was it to have him
bat cleanup?

Oh, I believe his face

is on the back
of their uniforms.

Yeah, I guess you were
right this time, Pop.

Oh.

Just like most
of the great coach dads.

Think Venus and Serena's father.

Tiger Woods' daddy.

LaVar Ball.

Okay, the jury's still out
on that one.

But, better yet, your father.

Lucky you.

Nice win today, buddy.

You know, you guys played like
real big leaguers out there.

I mean, I guess.

But I'd feel more like
a big leaguer

if you'd let me walk
to the park by myself.

Even A.J.'s
parents

let him go on his own,

and he still has...

"accidents."

You really want to walk
to the park by yourself?

Because, you know...

I cherish
those walks.

Well, um, what your
dad means is w...

uh, we'll talk about it. Okay?

Why don't you go
up and change?

Okay.

That's our baby.

I know.

That said,

I'm totally fine
letting him walk by himself.

You know, but if
you're not, I get it.

- Oh, I-I'm...
- I'm ready.

I just don't want to rush you.

Oh, no,
I'm already there.

I'm totally cool letting
him walk five long blocks

through the streets of
Pasadena all by himself.

Yeah. Me, too.

I don't even care
if there's a 30% chance

of rain.Oh.

Cool.

Cool.

- Cool.
- Cool. Cool.

You know, I hate
to say it, man, but...

that kid can't catch or hit.

Or high-five.

Look, if we're planning
on winning,

we're gonna have to make
some changes,

starting with getting A.J.
to switch to soccer.

Everybody plays
these days, Pop.

And they should, because they
are here to have fun.

But... thank you for your help.

So, what you're saying
is "no thanks."

Maybe you forgot

who got you the win last time.

It...

Maybe we should visualize it.

I visualize a great man.

A wise and all-knowing coach

with a hardheaded son.

Oh, uh...

Oh, I... Wait, I-I...
I'm not seeing any of that.

Yeah? Now, I hate
to break it to you,

but you are not
the coach of this team.

All right, everybody line up
for some pregame yoga.

- What are you g...
- Hell no.

I got my own yoga. It's called
running laps until you puke.

Let's go.

What?
Everybody stop!

Tree pose.

Uh, trees don't
play baseball, Malcolm.

Go! Get it!

- Let's run!
- Wait a minute, stop!

- Stop... Stop.
- Keep going. Run it off.

Triple Play here,
get your Triple Play.

Everything you love about
baseball, now in cupcake form.

I'll try one of those.

Oh, sure. Here you go.

Doesn't anybody
respect cupcakes anymore?

It's got too much frosting.

No offense, sir, but you have
frosting for brains.

Give it back.

Seriously? Yeah. Seriously.

You're not deserving
of my cupcake.

Come on.

Okay.

Sorry about that, Alejandro.

Let me just talk to
my friend for a minute.

Take your time.
I'm going to the snack bar,

where they're not as judgy.

Tina.

Do you know who that was?

Yeah, A.J.'s
no-taste-having daddy.

Yeah, but he's
also a food critic

with a huge
Instagram following.

How huge?

He got a Wienerschnitzel
kicked out of his neighborhood.

So it won't be
good if he writes

a bad review of
your cupcakes.

Well, ain't that
some schnitzel?

You're out!

I know. Now I'm also deaf.

I love you unconditionally, son.

Grover was a mile
behind that pitch, man.

You know what? Uh, Ump, time.

Come here. Whoa, whoa, hey.

What are you doing, Pa?

I'm making the hard decisions
you won't.

Noah, you're pinch-hitting.

Ben, to the bench.

I love you unconditionally,
too, Ben.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

T-This is my team.

What I say goes.

Well, I'm gonna take over

before you steer this team
into a ditch.

All right, look, Pop,
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

You're kicking me out?

Yes, I am.
Baseball has changed, old-timer.

Oh, is that a fact?
Do they still do this?

Huh?

No, Pop.

It's more like this.

Mm.

Oh!

- So you gonna do it like that?
- Yeah, I'm-a do it like that.

"Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
playing...

You know what, that's it.

Get out of here, Pop.
I've got a game to coach.

You know what? You want me
to fall back, I will.

See the loss, be the loss.

Oh-ho, you know what?
That is it, Pop.

Let me put this in a language
you can understand.

You are out of here!

Okay, all right, uh, guys,

I-I know you're working
through something right now,

but technically,
I think the umpire

is the only one who can
toss somebody from a game.

Don't look at me, man.
I'm only doing this

for community service.

Fine, Malcolm.

You want me to go, then I'll go.

Ok... All right. Guys, baseball

is supposed to bring
fathers and sons together.

Um, Dad?

Grover, not now.

Now, please,
let's just talk about this.

No. You know what? Enough talk.

You got players out here
being trees

and woosah-ing and drinking
wheatgrass shots.

Well, when you come
to your senses,

you know where to find me.

The winner's circle, baby.

Oh, and one last thing.

Well, what do you mean
I can't cancel my oven delivery?

Okay, fine. I take
my "good afternoon"

and "I hope your day
is going well" back.

I see you're having one of
those kind of days, too.

Ugh, man,

I pissed off a food critic.

I don't even want
to talk about it.

What's going on with you?

Your disrespectful son
kicked me out the game.

What did you do?

Absolutely nothing.

All I tried to do
was share my wisdom.

Oh, boy.

Wait a minute.

Are you taking his side?

Calvin, what's going on?

Look, I just thought

it was gonna be
the way it used to be.

Uh... Baseball was
always our thing,

and... but now, it seems
like he doesn't need me.

Baby, you are a great father,

which also means
knowing you've done your job.

Yeah, I guess.

And the beauty is, knowing that
all of their accomplishments

come right back to us
because we raised them.

Boom.

Okay. I guess, when you put it
that way, I'll back off.

All right. But for the record, backing off

is not how you get Will Smith
to play you in a movie.

Thanks for finally letting me
walk to the park by myself.

Oh, yeah, you're welcome, buddy.

Hey, your mom went to go get
snacks before the game,

but we'll both
meet you at the park.

Cool.

Wait, which way
is the park again?

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Okay.

- Bye, Dad.
- All right, buddy, have a good time.

We'll see you at the game.
Bye, Grover.

Hey, uh, Marty, can you
come over and bring your drone?

Of course you have a drone.

Your bumper sticker says
"E.T. Drone Home."

Okay, all right.
There's Grover.

He's fine. See... I was
worried for nothing.

No, man, I told you
this was a safe neighborhood.

Hold on.

Is there someone following him?

There's definitely
someone following him.

What kind of sicko
follows a kid?

- Give me those controls. Give me that.
- Wait, you are not certified!

What the...?

Some sicko with a drone
is following Grover.

Wait a second.

That creep is Gemma.

Gemma?
What's she doing out there?

Well, she is lying to me
about getting snacks.

Uh, Gemma,
I know what you're doing,

because this thing is HD
and I don't see any snacks.

Dave, why are you in a drone?

Because I was
worried that Grover

would be followed
by some weirdo.

Apparently, that weirdo is you.

Oh, hi, Melody.

Just talking to Dave in a drone.

So you're stalking our son now?

Totally not cool.

Wh... Oh, yeah?
Oh, I guess

neither one of us are as cool

as we thought we were.

Mom?

Dad?

Now, this is real uncool.

Yeah, we've already
established that.

Hi, Mr. Gomez.

Um, yeah, I-I know who you are.

So before you write something
nasty about my cupcakes...

L-Let me stop you right there.

I already wrote my review.
I just posted it.

Really?

I mean, how could you
even sleep at night

knowing that you're killing
a Black-owned business?

I-I'm not even
a mom-and-pop shop.

I'm just a mom shop trying to...

"Local Baker Hits Grand Slam."

Oh, so I don't have
to cuss you out?

Please don't.

Gemma gave me another cupcake
and I loved it.

With all the frosting,
just as the artist intended.

Well, okay, then.

Oh, I'm sorry
I went off earlier

I'm passionate about food.Oh...

I need to learn to keep
my opinions to myself.

Apology accepted.

All right, all right.

Is that mayonnaise
on your french fries?

Are you out of your mind?

Baby, I know it's hard for you
to just sit here and watch,

but you're doing a great job at
letting Malcolm do his thing.

You were right, babe.

- You know, I need to let go.
- Yeah.

And not notice that Ben

is shooting a TikTok video
in the outfield.

Look, Grover's coming to bat
with the bases loaded.

Be the hero I know you are!

Oh, Lord, please.

P-Please shine
your light upon Grover

and bestow upon him
hand-eye coordination.

Amen.

Amen.
Nice save.

Let's go.

Come on, G-Man.
Just wait for your pitch.

Strike two. Full count.

That's all right,
that's all right.

G-Man, step out of the box.

Hey.

Are you sure?

I don't want to be the reason
we lose to them again.

Trust me.

Oh, man.

- I knew my baby could do it.
- Aww.

Oh...

I should've never
doubted you, man.

Hey, this is my son, everybody.

And he's got his own ideas.

Well, uh,

actually, Pop, it was
you that inspired me

to call for a bunt.

Uh, back in the day,
you always had me bunt

- when I was in a slump, so...
- Mm.

- It's a little old-school, but it works.
- Yeah.

I guess all that imaginary
bunting practice paid off.

Yeah, it did.

Imaginary Gatorade bath!

Well, thank God it worked,

or you would've never heard
the end of it from Dad.

No, Inever would have
heard the end of it.

Well, I guess
I could learn something

from this new-school stuff.

Well, and I can use
some old-school coaching tips.

Why don't you come by
next practice?

Oh, you know what, son?
I'll come by, but you got this.

This is your win,
you're the coach.

Hey, I'm the one
who actually won the game.

And I never doubted you.

Even though some
of these haters did.

Oh, yeah, I heard you.

Well, uh, you know, hey, guys,

uh, to celebrate, why don't
we all go out for pizza?

Aww. Hey, that's what
I'm talking about.

- Hey, old-school rules.
- Yeah.

Coach pays.

Oh!

Not cool. You can't carjack
your own dad, Grover.

I can and I did.

Hey, guys.

Oh, hey, honey.

So, Grover...

Sorry we didn't trust you to
walk to the park alone today.

It's okay, Mom.
I knew letting go

was gonna be
a process for you guys.

We're really proud of you.

So we decided
you are ready for this.

A phone? Thanks!

Best day ever.
You guys are the coolest.

I'm gonna go text A.J.

You hear that?

- He said we are the coolest.
- Ooh.

What's cool is with that phone,
we can track his every move.

You know it.

Sync corrections by srjanapala