The Neighborhood (2018–…): Season 4, Episode 11 - Welcome to the Knockout - full transcript

That's the smoothie bar.

This is where they keep

the citrus-soaked towels
for extra-sweaty workouts.

That's the steam room.

And, oh, yeah, all the
gym-y stuff is over there.

Yeah. Now, that's what
I'm here for. The gym-y stuff.

Yeah, we found this place
a few weeks ago.

I already feel like a new woman.

I really get
intense workouts in here.

I bet. This is the first gym
I've ever seen

with a "do not resuscitate"
option.



I am so excited
we got you guys to join.

Yeah,
and that has nothing

to do with
the smoothie bar credit

for new referrals?

Uh, absolutely not.

Now, if you'll
excuse us,

we have $80 in smoothies
to drink.

Man,

this place
looks intense.

Good thing
I got these

new toe shoes
for my workouts.

Dave,

the purpose of shoes

is so that people
don't have to see your toes.



David,

you don't have to buy every
cool thing you see online.

Oh, hey, check out
my Halo View.

I'm monitoring
my heart rate right now,

and right now,
and right now.

And I know that you
are annoying

right now,
and right now,

and right now.

Whoa, Calvin,
you don't just

pick something up without
properly warming up first.

Now, come on.

Do some hip circleswith me.

O-Okay.

Dave, I'm-a need you
to back up, like, five feet.

All right.

Ow.

Getting old. I should've
stretched before I stretched.

Ugh...

Surprise, surprise.
Something barbaric.

Of course
you're good at it.

Whatever, man.
I love boxing.

It's a great workout, okay?

Dave, the thing about
working out is,

you stay ready, you ain't got to
get ready. You know what I mean?

A-And you're
not ready for those

right there.
Now, what you want

to do, do light weight
with a lot of reps.

You know what I'm saying?
Like, here...

And you burn it out,
and you put it back on the rack.

Whoo!

Yeah, that's enough shred
for today, you know.

I don't want Tina
to start tripping.

You know what I mean?

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood ♪
*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*

*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*
Season 04 Episode 11

Episode Title: "Welcome to the Knockout"
Aired on: January 17, 2022.

One. One, two.
Hey. All right.

Give me three.

Four.

You're actually
not that bad.

Your little toe shoes don't do
your boxing skills any justice.

You know, I actually
used to box a little

back in the
National Guard.

They would call me
the "Kalamazoo-natic."

You just got to keep saying it.
You'll get used to it.

No, I don't want to get used to
saying anything stupid.

You know, I actually used to
fight a little myself, you know.

I mean, not for titles,
mainly for my lunch money

and to sit next to Monet
on the school bus.

Old girl taught me

more about anatomy
than my science teacher.

You know, I...

I got to admit,

turning 40 soon,
and it's been

really getting
me down, but

looking at all this
boxing stuff, I don't know,

brings me back to a time
when I felt like

I was on top
of the world.

Well, maybe we can
get you back there.

Check this out.

They're having an
amateur boxing tournament.

Nothing gets
your mojo back faster

than crushing
a big goal

and beating the hell
out of somebody.

I don't know. You really think
I can handle an actual fight?

With me as your coach?
You can't lose.

Besides, smell that.

That's Bengay.

You'll be fighting a bunch of
middle-aged suburban dads, man.

You'll be fine.

I don't know...

All right. You know what?
Let's do it.

- Let's go. Come on.
- Oh, ow.

Uh, who's got
that Bengay?

Ooh!

- Marty, Marty, Marty.
- Huh?

How's your heart rate looking?

Oh, it is... 120.

That's still not high enough.

- What?
- Right, look, let's, uh,

- let's fix your form, okay?
- Mm-hmm.

Now, you want to hit this bag
with small circles, Champ.

Hey, man, why do you
only call me "Champ"

when I'm not good
at something?

All right, well,
my bad, tough guy.

Yeah, let's stick
with "Champ."

Nice form.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, man.

Why is your heart rate
going up?

You having a heart a...

Oh.

I see why.

Hey, man,

is that the most beautiful
woman I've ever seen,

or am I just
dehydrated?

Well,
you are definitely thirsty.

Why don't you just go over there
and talk to her, man?

Are you crazy?
Did you not hear me say

that is the most beautiful
woman I have ever seen?

Hey, anybody want to go
a few rounds with me?

Oh, come on, don't make me
fight myself.

I'll do it!

Hey, man, what're you doing?

I am getting you in the ring,
literally and figuratively.

Malcolm, no... Come on, man.

Ow!

Hi, I'm... gorgeous.
You're Marty. I-I mean...

Hi, gorgeous. I'm Necie.

Now, have you ever
boxed before?

Oh.
Oh, me?

Yeah, me and boxing,
we go way back

to-to-to two hours ago
when my mama brought me in.

I like a proud mama's boy.

I'll take it easy on you,
for your mama's sake.

Oh, no, please.
My mama would love for me

to get beat up
by a beautiful woman.

Ooh, that's sweet.

Ready?

Oh, yeah. Bring it.

Ooh...

I am so sorry.

You okay there, gorgeous?

I-I-I will be

if you have dinner with me.

How's tomorrow night?

Yeah, that's great.

Hopefully, I'll be able
to digest food by then.

And after I worked
on her cupcakes all day,

she had the nerve
to cancel her order.

One "The Customer's Always
Wrong" smoothie coming up.

My turn.

So, this mom
at my school, Jessica,

watches one TikTok,

and now she wants every kid
to have a standing desk.

What are we? A start-up?

Hubie, get this woman

a "Sit Your Ass Down, Jessica"
smoothie.

Already blending.

Thank you.

Hey, baby.
You guys still here?

Did you work out?

Oh, yeah, we did
the ab roller thingy

for five minutes.

Yeah, we didn't love it.

Well, you only did it
for five minutes.

Are you judging?
Because I feel judged.

Yeah, why don't you guys
just worry about yourselves?

Well-well, damn,
what's in those smoothies?

Vitamin B Nasty?

Maybe we haven't explored
all that the gym has to offer.

I guess not. You think
we should take a class?

They have those here?

Either that,
or all those women

jumping up and down in there,
they got to pee.

Mmm, that smells
delicious.

Oh, here, try some.

Mmm. That's good.Yeah.

I've never dated
a guy who could cook before.

When did you learn?

Uh, sometime between

eighth and ninth grade.

- I didn't have a lot of friends, so...
- Mm.

When'd you learn to box?

Somewhere between
ninth and tenth grade.

I didn't have a lot of friends.

Had a lot of bullies, though.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, me, too.

I could've used you
in school.

Well, what about now?

Anybody bothers you,

I'll knock 'em out.

Ah! Exactly.

Oh, no, no, no,
like-like-like, ouch, ouch.

Ooh.

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Oh, yeah, I just,
I just cut my finger.

Ah... And there
is the blood.

I'm about to faint.

Oh, my gosh,

you don't like blood.
You are so cute.

Oh, that's a lot
of blood.

Okay, let's sit.Okay.

Oh, that's all the blood
in my body.

Ah!

Okay.

I am about to
pass out. Um...

Look, just put the garlic bread
in the oven at 325,

and I will be right back.

Oh. Uh...

Marty? Marty?

Come on, Dave!

Finish strong!

Can't believe I made it.

Ten miles, Calvin.

I feel bad for the man
that's going up against you.

All my coaching is making you
a middle-aged beast.

Now, show me
that six-pack.

Here you go. Thank you.

Good job.

Dave? What?

Do you want to be
a champion or not?

You forgot my chips.

Go. I'll be here when you get back.

Hey, little bro.

Hey. Hey, how was your date?

Oh, it went great.

That is, until I cut my finger
on a paring knife,

saw blood, almost passed out,
and the date ended early.

Wait. Whoa, whoa,
wait a minute, man.

Are you serious? Yeah. I'm not worried.

She said my wooziness was cute.

Hey, man, why are your eyebrows
up so high?

Uh, look, I-I hate
to break it to you, little bro,

but, uh, cute usually means,

- you know, like...
- Yeah, what?

You're friend zoned.

- Friend zoned?
- Yeah.

Aw, man.

Now I wish she would've just
let me bleed out.

Get it. Yeah. Ah.

Dave.

You killed it
this week, man.

How you feeling
about the fight today?

I feel good.

You know, I'm not even worried
about turning 40 anymore.

Gemma can't keep
her hands off of me.

Says I remind her
of a young Orlando Bloom.

Is that good or bad?

No, that is
definitely good.

Calvin, thank you
for pushing me

to do this.
This is all because of you.

Hey, you're Dave?
I'm Javier Perez.

Oh, hey, it's nice to meet you.
I saw you on the bracket.

We're fighting
in the first round.

Oh, you're
not fighting me.

You're fighting my son,
Javier Perez Jr.

Or as his friends
call him, "Lil' Satan."

I'm not stupid. I quit fighting
when I turned 40.

Oh, damn.

Calvin, this guy's
gonna kill me,

then take me
to hell with him.

This is all
because of you.

Dave, you're almost 40.

You need to stop listening
to other people.

Anybody test him
for steroids?

I don't know,

but if they aren't testing,
you should get some.

All right, Calvin,

when I die today,
and Gemma remarries,

just promise me,
whoever it is,

you won't be
his best friend, too.

Look, Dave, no one,
especially me,

would think any less of you
for forfeiting this fight.

All right, 'cause
clearly Lil' Satan

is a little possessed
by the devil.

Okay, look.
I can't, all right?

I quit a lot of things
in my first 40 years.

Some of them justified,
like battle rapping.

Eminem made it look
easy for all of us.

But I set a goal, and...

I'm gonna
see this through.

Look, sometimes it's okay
to move the goalpost.

All right?

Surviving
is the new winning.

Yeah. That's right.

Surviving
is the new winning.

No, you shut up!

I'm done!

What? I'm done.

You can't quit cardio bootcamp.

I can quit anything that
I paid for, just ask HBO.

Can't we go back
to the good old days

when we had
light cardio

- and good talks over smoothies?
- Oh.

God, you're so right.
Last week was a magical time.

Oh, see? See?

There you go.
There's my girl.

Yeah, yeah.
I didn't join this gym

- to work out.
- Yeah.

A-A-And why are we choosing now
to care what our husbands think?

You know, we could use the gym
the way we want.

Damn right.

So...

do you want to grab
a smoothie and

talk about it
before Dave's fight?

Yes, please.

Okay. Okay, so...

- Let's get up out of here.
- All right.

We're back!

Give us two "We Do What
We Want To Do" smoothies.

With an extra shot
of "in your face."

How about a little
"vitamin V" for my girls?

Oh!

Hey, man, I did some research
on Lil' Satan.

You know, he removed
his own wisdom teeth.

Yeah, man,
he punched them out.

Yeah, yeah, whatever,
Dave's gonna die.

Look, I got
real problems.

Okay, look,
there's Necie.

Time to get out
of the friend zone.

All right, yeah,
go talk to her, Champ.

Stop calling me Champ.

Come on, man.

What's wrong with you?

Hey, Necie.

Look.

Ripped my own Band-Aid off.

Didn't even hurt.

Oh... You are so funny.

You excited about this match?
I love Lil' Satan.

He never backs down
from a hard fight.

And you like that?

Yeah. In or out
of the ring,

you got to show people
you're not afraid.

Man,

the crowd in here
has fallen off.

Hey!

You talking about me?

What?

What? No, don't "what" me.
You heard me.

What, you want smoke? Yeah,
you just found your lighter.

What's up with you, Champ?

Champ?

Who you calling a champ?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's about to go down, huh.

It's about
to go down, huh.

Marty, calm down.

Why?

Look, I don't know

what's going on with you,

but I don't like it.

- Necie...
- Mm-mm.

Hey, man,
you see what you did?

Quit it, Calvin, not so hard.
That hurts.

Good.

Pain is just fear
leaving the body.

I'm more concerned
about me leaving my body.

Wait.

That's the guy fighting Dave?

He told me he had a dad bod.

That is no dad bod.

All right,
you got this, Dave.

Get angry.

Act like you just saw him throw
a glass bottle in the trash

instead of the
recycle bin.

- Who does that?
- Yeah.

Let's go, Dave.
Come on, Dave.

You got it, Dave.

Come on, Dave.
Get in line.

Come on, Dave.

You got this, David.

Yeah, yeah, look,
Dave is holding his own.

Ooh!

Yes.

Well, he was. Looks like
I'm not the only one

getting his heart
ripped out today.

Oh! I need to stop
this fight.

Dave, throw in the towel!

Someone throw me
a citrus-scented towel.

No, no, Gemma.
Look, honey,

it's probably best that
we just don't look.Okay.

Come on, Dave!

You're the Tried and True
from Kalamazoo.

Fight back!

Don't worry, Dave,
a broken nose adds character.

Come on!

- Come on, Dave!
- Come on, Dave!

Yeah, there you go.

- Let's go, Dave.
- Yes!

- Dave.
- Good job, Dave.

Dave, Dave, Dave,

- your corner's over there.
- That one.

David, over there,
over there.

Good, you did it, man,
you survived.

I did?

I mean, no, no, no,
yeah, sure, I did.

So, you ready
for round two?

It's only been one round?

Uh, what about Lil' Satan,
is he beat up, too?

Uh...

One more, one more.

Look, Dave, it's great
that you came this far,

but if you want
to see 41,

I think you know
what you need to do.

Yeah, yeah. I think so, too.Okay.

All right.

Oh!

What?

Oh!

One... Two...

Three. He's out!

He's out!

Dave, you won!
You won! Hey!

That's my dawg.
That's my dawg.

Yeah.

That's what happens
when you don't recycle.

Yeah! Tell him, Dave.

Uh-oh. He's coming to.

Let's get out of here.
I don't know

that I have another
knockout in me.

Necie, wait up.

Oh, hey, Marty.

Glad your friend
won the fight.

Oh, uh, yeah, you know,

I definitely lost
some money on that bet.

Hey, uh...

I'm sorry things
got weird with us.

Yeah, what was all that?

I don't know. I-I-I was
just embarrassed.

Before or after you acted
a straight fool with that guy?

Oh, no, way, way before.

Um...

You know, you know on our date
when you called me "cute"?

Um...

I-I guess I just got insecure

you were friend-zoning me.

What?

Marty, I called you cute
because you are cute.

Or you were, until you started

your trash talking,
toxic masculinity act.

No, I'm-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
That's not who I am.

I'm not a fighter.
Uh, only beef I got is on Yelp.

I just... I-I thought
you were into that.

Well, I was into Marty,

the cute guy
who can't take a punch.

Well, he's definitely
into you.

Do you think

I could get
a-another chance?

I promise to
only be myself.

That would be nice, gorgeous.

Oh, my God.

This will not stop
bleeding. Look at that.

- Ooh.
- Nope, nope.

- Hey.
- Hah.

Well, Dave, I guess
you proved today

that you can be a warrior
at any age.

Two peach smoothies,
extra whipped cream

for two warriors.

Aw.

You do remember that I only won
on a technicality, right?

Yeah, but you showed
you still had some heart,

that you still had
some fight in you.

Well, a little less now.

Hmm.

Thank you for helping me
get through

this whole "turning 40" thing.

Anytime, man.

Hey, you know that wasn't
a legit win, right?

When you're done
with your smoothie,

you and me, back in the ring.

Oh, he'll be there, Tiny Devil.

Calvin,
what're you doing?

Lying. Run.

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Sync corrections by srjanapala