The Neighborhood (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Welcome to the Vow Renewal - full transcript
As Calvin and Tina near a milestone anniversary, Dave and Gemma help the Butlers have the wedding they missed out on the first time around; Malcolm and Marty prepare an unforgettable performance for their parents' special occasion.
Oh, I love your new fire pit, Calvin.
Thanks. You know, one
night I looked over
at Crackhead Victor's trash can fire
and thought, "That looks cozy."
So, what are we toasting to?
Well, I know a certain couple
that has a big anniversary coming up.
Right, Calvin?
Who?
(LAUGHS): I'm just kidding, baby.
It's us.
It is us, right, babe?
Come on.
To 30 years of marriage.
- Whoa!
- (GASPS) Whoa!
I can't believe you guys have
been married for 30 years.
Wow. That means you got
married when we were only...
Drink your drink, Gemma.
Well, so how are you
guys gonna celebrate?
Weekend in Cabo? Couple's massage?
Or our personal favorite,
reading poetry to one other
while maintaining intense eye contact?
It's like a sexy staring contest.
Okay, well, we'll probably
just do the usual
and go out for dinner.
Wha... come on. 30 years is a milestone.
You can't just go out to dinner.
She's right, babe. We should go big.
Let's catch a movie, too.
Ooh.
(SIGHS) Come on, you guys.
You got to do something more romantic
than dinner and a movie.
You know, we're not one
of those kind of couples
to make a big deal out
of stuff like this.
We didn't even have a real wedding.
Just the two of us at the courthouse.
I know what you guys should do.
You two should have a
ceremony to renew your vows.
- That's ridiculous.
- I love that idea.
Tina, we already did our vows.
"Till death do us part."
You're not dead, I'm not dead.
In the eyes of God, we're good.
You know what? Well, I want
this year to be different.
I want the wedding that I never had.
- (GASPS) Yay!
- (CHUCKLES): All right.
Dave, would you please...
Yeah. C-Calvin, don't worry. I got you.
I would love to be your best man.
(GEMMA SQUEALS)
(LAUGHS) Yes.
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
Hey, Grover. You want to help me
and Miss Tina plan her vow renewal?
What's that?
(EXHALES) It's when two
married people decide
- to reaffirm their love...
- I'm out.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- Hey, Tina. Come on in.
- Hey.
Thanks again for helping me with this.
Ugh, are you kidding? I love weddings.
The romance, the flowers,
the jealousy on all your
girlfriends' faces.
Okay, so where do we start?
I thought we could look at my
wedding album for inspiration.
- Okay. Let's do it.
- Oh.
Ooh. Oh, my God, Gemma.
You are so beautiful.
Aw, thank you.
- Ooh, is that Ryan Seacrest?
- (CHUCKLES)
No, that's Dave. He had
frosted tips back then.
(GASPS) You came down
the aisle on a horse?
All my bridesmaids, too.
Except Denise. She took a hoof
to the head at the rehearsal.
Wow, Gemma. Look at this reception.
The centerpiece, the cake.
Calvin would never go for this.
But wouldn't he want
whatever makes you happy?
Let me put it a different way.
Would doing this make you happy?
Well, I have always felt
that I kind of missed out.
So let's fix that.
You know, you're right. I'm in.
I'm gonna have the dream
wedding that I never got.
- (SQUEALS)
- (LAUGHS)
Ooh, and you know
what you should do?
I'm not getting on no damn horse, Gemma.
No.
Yo, Dave,
you need to check Gemma.
(SIGHS): Oh, no. Not lice again.
You know, I told her
to stop sharing hats.
No. Gemma's putting crazy
ideas in Tina's head.
I mean, look at the budget for
this vow renewal ceremony.
Ooh, wow. She wants to
release a hundred doves
after the "I do's"?
I know. And if I pay
that much for birds,
they better come with mashed
potatoes and a drink.
Look, Calvin, I-I know it's expensive,
but don't you think Tina's worth it?
Of course she's worth it,
but that's not the point.
I can do more romantic things
for Tina with this money.
- Well, like what?
- Like buy a Jacuzzi.
Tina wants a Jacuzzi?
A chance to soak in
bubbles with all this?
(CHUCKLES) Some things are
safe to assume, Dave.
Okay. Well, look, if you
want to save money,
I can perform the ceremony.
I got ordained online
so I could officiate
my buddy Kevin's wedding.
Okay. You're hired.
Now, look, next on the
list is a bartender.
Now, I know Grover's too
young to drink alcohol...
Mm-hmm.
But can he pour it?
Hey, man. What's up?
Hey, what are you doing here?
What does it look like?
I'm grocery shopping.
Oh, uh, tell Mom and
Dad they out of milk.
So, what kind of gift
were you thinking about
for their anniversary?
Oh.
I was just gonna sign my
name on whatever you got.
So don't go cheap and make me look bad.
Malcolm, we can't just buy something.
You know? 30 years is a big deal.
We got to, we got to get them
something from the heart.
Okay. Like what?
I'm glad you asked. I was thinking
we could sing their favorite
song at the ceremony.
"Baby Got Back"?
Not Mom's favorite song,
their favorite song.
"Just the Two of Us."
You know, that's not a bad idea.
I mean, she did always love it
when we sang together
in those church plays.
Right? Okay. Let's give it a try.
I'll lead you in.
- Okay.
- Two, three, and...
♪ I see the crystal raindrops fall ♪
♪ And the beauty of it all ♪
♪ Is when the sun comes
shining through ♪
(LAUGHS)
(OFF-KEY): ♪ To make those
rainbows in my mind ♪
♪ When I think of you sometime ♪
♪ And I want to spend
some time with you. ♪
I think my voice might've
changed a little since puberty.
You think?
Oh, hey, babe.
Put that down. I want
to show you something.
Ooh. Not right now, baby.
The boys are here.
(CHUCKLES)
Not that something.
This something.
Ah. What's this?
It's the new budget for the vow renewal.
Now, your man got creative
and saved us a ton of money.
Holla!
So you want to have our vow
renewal at Ernie's Hot Spot?
And if we do it at happy hour,
we get dollar drinks and free wings.
Double holla!
Calvin, what the hell does
"neighborhood flowers" mean?
Well, it just means I take the roses
from Miss Kim's front yard.
So you're gonna steal flowers
from a 75-year-old lady?
She's got glaucoma. She
won't know it's me.
Really, Calvin?
Free wings? Stolen flowers?
This is how much you love me?
Wow.
Babe.
Look, I just don't understand
why we got to waste
all this money on a day
we've already had.
Baby, I just want a nicer wedding memory
than hearing a judge next
door scream, "Guilty!"
Look, I would've liked to
had something nicer, too,
but we had to get married when we did.
You were pregnant with Malcolm.
Excuse me? "We had to"?
(STAMMERS) Come on.
You know what I mean.
Now, I... I mean... (CHUCKLES)
You know, not "had to."
Of course I wanted to.
You know.
It w... it was the right thing to do.
(HALTING LAUGH)
"The right thing to do"?
Okay, hold on. Now, Tina...
So the only reason why you married me,
because it was the right thing to do?
Okay, now, would you please stop
putting my words in my mouth?
You know what, Calvin? I'm done.
I'm calling this ceremony off.
Not because I have to,
because I want to.
(SIGHS, GRUNTS)
She'd be a lot more relaxed
if we had a Jacuzzi.
(CHUCKLES): H-Hey.
Did you sleep on the couch last night?
(GRUNTS) Mom and Pop got into a fight.
She kicked him out of their room
and he kicked me out of my room.
Why didn't you sleep in my room?
'Cause I'm a grown-ass man, Marty.
I'm not sleeping in a rocket ship bed.
What were they fighting about?
Well, I don't know, but it
must've been pretty big
'cause Mom called the vow renewal off.
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
Are you sure it wasn't because
she heard you singing?
Hey, boys. Have you seen your mother?
Uh, she and Gemma went shopping
and to get their nails done.
Although I think the word
she used was "sharpened."
Sounds like you messed up big, Dad.
(SIGHS) Yeah, I guess I did.
I know you boys are gonna find
this hard to believe, but, um,
I said something stupid to her.
- What?
- You?
- Please.
- No.
Yeah, it's true.
Your father's not perfect.
- What? No.
- You? Please.
But it's gonna be all right, all right?
I know why she's mad and I know
what I got to do to take care of it.
Oh, you're gonna go ahead
with the vow renewal.
No. I'm gonna wash her car.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Well, at least it'll be clean
when she runs him over with it.
Yeah.
Look at all these nail polish choices.
(GASPS) "Midnight Temptress."
(GASPS) "Vampire's Embrace."
Ooh! I'm gonna get pink.
Well, why is this one so expensive?
Oh, it has real gold in it.
Oh, Calvin would never
want to pay for that.
So I'll take 20.
You feeling any better?
Not really.
I can't believe Calvin actually
said the reason he married me
was because I was pregnant.
Well, if it helps, back
in Hickory Corners,
that's the only reason
people get married.
And all this time I thought he did it
because he was in love with me.
Don't be ridiculous.
Of course he was in love with you.
After we said, "I do,"
he went up to the third floor
to pay a speeding ticket.
Okay, he said something stupid,
but you guys have been together
for 30 years and are so in love.
That doesn't happen with people
who "have to" get married.
I just wanted a wedding that I
could be proud of, you know?
Well, maybe Calvin didn't give
you that, but he did give you
a marriage you could be proud of.
I suppose.
All I know is that when
Dave and I get to 30 years,
I hope our marriage is as loving
and fun and supportive as yours.
Although, I could use a
little less eye contact.
(LAUGHS)
Thank you, Gemma. You're a good friend.
You know, by the time
Dave and I celebrate
our 30th anniversary, you will be...
Drink your drink, Gemma.
Hey, Calvin, what happened?
I heard the vow renewal was called off.
Yeah. Tina wasn't too excited
about the budget cuts,
and then we both said some stuff
I wish I could take back.
Man, I'm sorry to hear that.
'Cause I found the sickest
Dave Matthews lyric
to kick off the ceremony.
Wow, if I'd known that, I
would've canceled it myself.
But it's okay.
She'll be fine once she
see how clean her car is.
Uh... (CHUCKLES) Calvin,
you sure that's enough?
No. I'm not stupid.
That's why I'm gonna pop
in this new air freshener.
Okay, Calvin, um, let
me ask you a question:
What does it mean when
your brakes are squeaking?
You need new brake pads.
And your car is backfiring?
Uh, you probably need to
check your fuel injector.
One more question, you getting a bill.
Okay, my point is,
is you know how to listen to cars,
but I-I don't think you're
listening to your wife.
No, look, I am listening, Dave.
It's just this...
this whole vow renewal
thing is so unnecessary.
Yeah, but sometimes the
things that are unnecessary
are the things that matter the most.
- Like what?
- Well...
Like these chrome rims.
Do they make Tina's car run any better?
No, but they look good.
What about the leather seats?
Come on now, you've seen my wife's butt.
I'm not putting that on no cloth.
Okay, so it sounds to me
like what you're saying is
these things aren't necessary,
but they do matter.
Hmm. I guess I am.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I need to give my
marriage an upgrade.
Yeah, man, come on.
Bring it into the shop.
Put it up on the lift.
Trick out that whip.
You know, I think this is
the most manly conversation
we've ever had.
That really warms my heart.
And we're back.
Whew, girl, I cannot
believe you dragged me
to five different beauty supply stores.
What can I say?
Dave's very particular about
his lavender bath salts.
Ugh.
Where is everybody? Calvin, I'm home!
Hey, Mom. Seriously, Malcolm?
You'd rather put on a suit
than do your laundry?
If you would just come
with me to the backyard.
Do you know what this is about?
Maybe.
Is that why you squealed
when Dave texted you?
Maybe! Let's go.
(PLAYING GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC)
Oh, hell no.
Tina, wait!
Look, babe, I know I messed up,
but I just wanted to
let you know just...
I'm not leaving. I'm just
going to change my clothes.
I cannot get married looking like this!
Come on!
I'm never getting married.
It takes too long for
girls to get dressed.
I'm with you,
but I'm watching my mouth today.
Are you ready for our song?
Don't worry about it, man. I got this.
You better, because if you don't,
I will drop you like Beyoncé
did Destiny's Child.
Ooh, wait, they're coming out.
(GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Wow.
Sorry it took me so long.
I would've waited all night.
We almost did.
We are gathered here...
(CRYING)
Give me a minute.
Okay.
Nope.
Dave, I got it from here.
Tina Butler, love of my life,
I still remember the
first time I saw you.
You were singing on stage
at the Moonlight Lounge,
looking almost as beautiful
as you are tonight.
Oh, God.
This is Kevin's wedding all over again.
Oh.
When I first heard your voice, I knew
that I didn't just want to be with you
for the rest of my life, I had to be.
Well, I remember looking
down at you from the stage
and seeing the most handsome man.
A beautiful smile,
those bright eyes,
and the shiniest Jheri
curl I'd ever seen.
(LAUGHTER)
I was like a sexier Rick James.
Look, I know I say the
wrong thing sometimes,
but the one thing I
never regretted saying
was "I do."
Me neither, baby.
Dave.
I proclaim your vows
of marriage renewed.
You may now kiss the bride.
("JUST THE TWO OF US" PLAYING)
This is for you, Mom and Dad.
♪ ♪
♪ I see the crystal raindrops fall ♪
♪ And the beauty of it all ♪
♪ Is when the sun comes
shining through ♪
(DEEP VOICE): ♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ We can make it if we
try, just the two of us ♪
(DEEP VOICE): ♪ You and I. ♪
Aw, look at our babies. That's so sweet.
Yeah, that's good.
Now let's show them
how it's really done.
Yeah. Give me the damn mic. Thank you.
♪ We look for love, no time for tears ♪
♪ Wasted water's all that is ♪
♪ It don't make no flowers grow ♪
♪ Good things might come
to those who wait ♪
♪ Not for those who wait too late ♪
♪ We got to go for all we know ♪
BOTH: ♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ We can make it if we try ♪
♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ You and I... ♪
You know what?
Being here, I realized that,
after ten years of marriage,
I love you more than ever.
Aw, I feel the same way.
Really?
You know it, baby.
BOTH: ♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ We can make it if we try ♪
- ♪ Just the two of us ♪
- ♪ Just the two of us ♪
(DEEP VOICE): ♪ You and I ♪
BOTH: ♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ We can make it if we try ♪
♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ You and I. ♪
- Wow!
- ♪♪
Gemma, I didn't know they had the
Electric Slide in Kalamazoo.
(SCOFFS) Are you kidding?
Add a banjo and some hay on the floor
and this is the "Boot Scootin' Boogie."
Yeah, but there's one big difference.
Yours is about the boots,
ours is about the booty!
- Hey!
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh, okay. Okay, y'all.
- (MUSIC STOPS)
Party's over. Leave your gifts
at the door and get out.
Uh, Calvin, it's only 8:30.
I know, Dave, but it's my wedding night,
and Tina gets sleepy around 10:00.
TINA: Oh, no.
- I'm up till 10:30 tonight.
- Ooh.
Thanks. You know, one
night I looked over
at Crackhead Victor's trash can fire
and thought, "That looks cozy."
So, what are we toasting to?
Well, I know a certain couple
that has a big anniversary coming up.
Right, Calvin?
Who?
(LAUGHS): I'm just kidding, baby.
It's us.
It is us, right, babe?
Come on.
To 30 years of marriage.
- Whoa!
- (GASPS) Whoa!
I can't believe you guys have
been married for 30 years.
Wow. That means you got
married when we were only...
Drink your drink, Gemma.
Well, so how are you
guys gonna celebrate?
Weekend in Cabo? Couple's massage?
Or our personal favorite,
reading poetry to one other
while maintaining intense eye contact?
It's like a sexy staring contest.
Okay, well, we'll probably
just do the usual
and go out for dinner.
Wha... come on. 30 years is a milestone.
You can't just go out to dinner.
She's right, babe. We should go big.
Let's catch a movie, too.
Ooh.
(SIGHS) Come on, you guys.
You got to do something more romantic
than dinner and a movie.
You know, we're not one
of those kind of couples
to make a big deal out
of stuff like this.
We didn't even have a real wedding.
Just the two of us at the courthouse.
I know what you guys should do.
You two should have a
ceremony to renew your vows.
- That's ridiculous.
- I love that idea.
Tina, we already did our vows.
"Till death do us part."
You're not dead, I'm not dead.
In the eyes of God, we're good.
You know what? Well, I want
this year to be different.
I want the wedding that I never had.
- (GASPS) Yay!
- (CHUCKLES): All right.
Dave, would you please...
Yeah. C-Calvin, don't worry. I got you.
I would love to be your best man.
(GEMMA SQUEALS)
(LAUGHS) Yes.
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
Hey, Grover. You want to help me
and Miss Tina plan her vow renewal?
What's that?
(EXHALES) It's when two
married people decide
- to reaffirm their love...
- I'm out.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- Hey, Tina. Come on in.
- Hey.
Thanks again for helping me with this.
Ugh, are you kidding? I love weddings.
The romance, the flowers,
the jealousy on all your
girlfriends' faces.
Okay, so where do we start?
I thought we could look at my
wedding album for inspiration.
- Okay. Let's do it.
- Oh.
Ooh. Oh, my God, Gemma.
You are so beautiful.
Aw, thank you.
- Ooh, is that Ryan Seacrest?
- (CHUCKLES)
No, that's Dave. He had
frosted tips back then.
(GASPS) You came down
the aisle on a horse?
All my bridesmaids, too.
Except Denise. She took a hoof
to the head at the rehearsal.
Wow, Gemma. Look at this reception.
The centerpiece, the cake.
Calvin would never go for this.
But wouldn't he want
whatever makes you happy?
Let me put it a different way.
Would doing this make you happy?
Well, I have always felt
that I kind of missed out.
So let's fix that.
You know, you're right. I'm in.
I'm gonna have the dream
wedding that I never got.
- (SQUEALS)
- (LAUGHS)
Ooh, and you know
what you should do?
I'm not getting on no damn horse, Gemma.
No.
Yo, Dave,
you need to check Gemma.
(SIGHS): Oh, no. Not lice again.
You know, I told her
to stop sharing hats.
No. Gemma's putting crazy
ideas in Tina's head.
I mean, look at the budget for
this vow renewal ceremony.
Ooh, wow. She wants to
release a hundred doves
after the "I do's"?
I know. And if I pay
that much for birds,
they better come with mashed
potatoes and a drink.
Look, Calvin, I-I know it's expensive,
but don't you think Tina's worth it?
Of course she's worth it,
but that's not the point.
I can do more romantic things
for Tina with this money.
- Well, like what?
- Like buy a Jacuzzi.
Tina wants a Jacuzzi?
A chance to soak in
bubbles with all this?
(CHUCKLES) Some things are
safe to assume, Dave.
Okay. Well, look, if you
want to save money,
I can perform the ceremony.
I got ordained online
so I could officiate
my buddy Kevin's wedding.
Okay. You're hired.
Now, look, next on the
list is a bartender.
Now, I know Grover's too
young to drink alcohol...
Mm-hmm.
But can he pour it?
Hey, man. What's up?
Hey, what are you doing here?
What does it look like?
I'm grocery shopping.
Oh, uh, tell Mom and
Dad they out of milk.
So, what kind of gift
were you thinking about
for their anniversary?
Oh.
I was just gonna sign my
name on whatever you got.
So don't go cheap and make me look bad.
Malcolm, we can't just buy something.
You know? 30 years is a big deal.
We got to, we got to get them
something from the heart.
Okay. Like what?
I'm glad you asked. I was thinking
we could sing their favorite
song at the ceremony.
"Baby Got Back"?
Not Mom's favorite song,
their favorite song.
"Just the Two of Us."
You know, that's not a bad idea.
I mean, she did always love it
when we sang together
in those church plays.
Right? Okay. Let's give it a try.
I'll lead you in.
- Okay.
- Two, three, and...
♪ I see the crystal raindrops fall ♪
♪ And the beauty of it all ♪
♪ Is when the sun comes
shining through ♪
(LAUGHS)
(OFF-KEY): ♪ To make those
rainbows in my mind ♪
♪ When I think of you sometime ♪
♪ And I want to spend
some time with you. ♪
I think my voice might've
changed a little since puberty.
You think?
Oh, hey, babe.
Put that down. I want
to show you something.
Ooh. Not right now, baby.
The boys are here.
(CHUCKLES)
Not that something.
This something.
Ah. What's this?
It's the new budget for the vow renewal.
Now, your man got creative
and saved us a ton of money.
Holla!
So you want to have our vow
renewal at Ernie's Hot Spot?
And if we do it at happy hour,
we get dollar drinks and free wings.
Double holla!
Calvin, what the hell does
"neighborhood flowers" mean?
Well, it just means I take the roses
from Miss Kim's front yard.
So you're gonna steal flowers
from a 75-year-old lady?
She's got glaucoma. She
won't know it's me.
Really, Calvin?
Free wings? Stolen flowers?
This is how much you love me?
Wow.
Babe.
Look, I just don't understand
why we got to waste
all this money on a day
we've already had.
Baby, I just want a nicer wedding memory
than hearing a judge next
door scream, "Guilty!"
Look, I would've liked to
had something nicer, too,
but we had to get married when we did.
You were pregnant with Malcolm.
Excuse me? "We had to"?
(STAMMERS) Come on.
You know what I mean.
Now, I... I mean... (CHUCKLES)
You know, not "had to."
Of course I wanted to.
You know.
It w... it was the right thing to do.
(HALTING LAUGH)
"The right thing to do"?
Okay, hold on. Now, Tina...
So the only reason why you married me,
because it was the right thing to do?
Okay, now, would you please stop
putting my words in my mouth?
You know what, Calvin? I'm done.
I'm calling this ceremony off.
Not because I have to,
because I want to.
(SIGHS, GRUNTS)
She'd be a lot more relaxed
if we had a Jacuzzi.
(CHUCKLES): H-Hey.
Did you sleep on the couch last night?
(GRUNTS) Mom and Pop got into a fight.
She kicked him out of their room
and he kicked me out of my room.
Why didn't you sleep in my room?
'Cause I'm a grown-ass man, Marty.
I'm not sleeping in a rocket ship bed.
What were they fighting about?
Well, I don't know, but it
must've been pretty big
'cause Mom called the vow renewal off.
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
Are you sure it wasn't because
she heard you singing?
Hey, boys. Have you seen your mother?
Uh, she and Gemma went shopping
and to get their nails done.
Although I think the word
she used was "sharpened."
Sounds like you messed up big, Dad.
(SIGHS) Yeah, I guess I did.
I know you boys are gonna find
this hard to believe, but, um,
I said something stupid to her.
- What?
- You?
- Please.
- No.
Yeah, it's true.
Your father's not perfect.
- What? No.
- You? Please.
But it's gonna be all right, all right?
I know why she's mad and I know
what I got to do to take care of it.
Oh, you're gonna go ahead
with the vow renewal.
No. I'm gonna wash her car.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Well, at least it'll be clean
when she runs him over with it.
Yeah.
Look at all these nail polish choices.
(GASPS) "Midnight Temptress."
(GASPS) "Vampire's Embrace."
Ooh! I'm gonna get pink.
Well, why is this one so expensive?
Oh, it has real gold in it.
Oh, Calvin would never
want to pay for that.
So I'll take 20.
You feeling any better?
Not really.
I can't believe Calvin actually
said the reason he married me
was because I was pregnant.
Well, if it helps, back
in Hickory Corners,
that's the only reason
people get married.
And all this time I thought he did it
because he was in love with me.
Don't be ridiculous.
Of course he was in love with you.
After we said, "I do,"
he went up to the third floor
to pay a speeding ticket.
Okay, he said something stupid,
but you guys have been together
for 30 years and are so in love.
That doesn't happen with people
who "have to" get married.
I just wanted a wedding that I
could be proud of, you know?
Well, maybe Calvin didn't give
you that, but he did give you
a marriage you could be proud of.
I suppose.
All I know is that when
Dave and I get to 30 years,
I hope our marriage is as loving
and fun and supportive as yours.
Although, I could use a
little less eye contact.
(LAUGHS)
Thank you, Gemma. You're a good friend.
You know, by the time
Dave and I celebrate
our 30th anniversary, you will be...
Drink your drink, Gemma.
Hey, Calvin, what happened?
I heard the vow renewal was called off.
Yeah. Tina wasn't too excited
about the budget cuts,
and then we both said some stuff
I wish I could take back.
Man, I'm sorry to hear that.
'Cause I found the sickest
Dave Matthews lyric
to kick off the ceremony.
Wow, if I'd known that, I
would've canceled it myself.
But it's okay.
She'll be fine once she
see how clean her car is.
Uh... (CHUCKLES) Calvin,
you sure that's enough?
No. I'm not stupid.
That's why I'm gonna pop
in this new air freshener.
Okay, Calvin, um, let
me ask you a question:
What does it mean when
your brakes are squeaking?
You need new brake pads.
And your car is backfiring?
Uh, you probably need to
check your fuel injector.
One more question, you getting a bill.
Okay, my point is,
is you know how to listen to cars,
but I-I don't think you're
listening to your wife.
No, look, I am listening, Dave.
It's just this...
this whole vow renewal
thing is so unnecessary.
Yeah, but sometimes the
things that are unnecessary
are the things that matter the most.
- Like what?
- Well...
Like these chrome rims.
Do they make Tina's car run any better?
No, but they look good.
What about the leather seats?
Come on now, you've seen my wife's butt.
I'm not putting that on no cloth.
Okay, so it sounds to me
like what you're saying is
these things aren't necessary,
but they do matter.
Hmm. I guess I am.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I need to give my
marriage an upgrade.
Yeah, man, come on.
Bring it into the shop.
Put it up on the lift.
Trick out that whip.
You know, I think this is
the most manly conversation
we've ever had.
That really warms my heart.
And we're back.
Whew, girl, I cannot
believe you dragged me
to five different beauty supply stores.
What can I say?
Dave's very particular about
his lavender bath salts.
Ugh.
Where is everybody? Calvin, I'm home!
Hey, Mom. Seriously, Malcolm?
You'd rather put on a suit
than do your laundry?
If you would just come
with me to the backyard.
Do you know what this is about?
Maybe.
Is that why you squealed
when Dave texted you?
Maybe! Let's go.
(PLAYING GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC)
Oh, hell no.
Tina, wait!
Look, babe, I know I messed up,
but I just wanted to
let you know just...
I'm not leaving. I'm just
going to change my clothes.
I cannot get married looking like this!
Come on!
I'm never getting married.
It takes too long for
girls to get dressed.
I'm with you,
but I'm watching my mouth today.
Are you ready for our song?
Don't worry about it, man. I got this.
You better, because if you don't,
I will drop you like Beyoncé
did Destiny's Child.
Ooh, wait, they're coming out.
(GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Wow.
Sorry it took me so long.
I would've waited all night.
We almost did.
We are gathered here...
(CRYING)
Give me a minute.
Okay.
Nope.
Dave, I got it from here.
Tina Butler, love of my life,
I still remember the
first time I saw you.
You were singing on stage
at the Moonlight Lounge,
looking almost as beautiful
as you are tonight.
Oh, God.
This is Kevin's wedding all over again.
Oh.
When I first heard your voice, I knew
that I didn't just want to be with you
for the rest of my life, I had to be.
Well, I remember looking
down at you from the stage
and seeing the most handsome man.
A beautiful smile,
those bright eyes,
and the shiniest Jheri
curl I'd ever seen.
(LAUGHTER)
I was like a sexier Rick James.
Look, I know I say the
wrong thing sometimes,
but the one thing I
never regretted saying
was "I do."
Me neither, baby.
Dave.
I proclaim your vows
of marriage renewed.
You may now kiss the bride.
("JUST THE TWO OF US" PLAYING)
This is for you, Mom and Dad.
♪ ♪
♪ I see the crystal raindrops fall ♪
♪ And the beauty of it all ♪
♪ Is when the sun comes
shining through ♪
(DEEP VOICE): ♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ We can make it if we
try, just the two of us ♪
(DEEP VOICE): ♪ You and I. ♪
Aw, look at our babies. That's so sweet.
Yeah, that's good.
Now let's show them
how it's really done.
Yeah. Give me the damn mic. Thank you.
♪ We look for love, no time for tears ♪
♪ Wasted water's all that is ♪
♪ It don't make no flowers grow ♪
♪ Good things might come
to those who wait ♪
♪ Not for those who wait too late ♪
♪ We got to go for all we know ♪
BOTH: ♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ We can make it if we try ♪
♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ You and I... ♪
You know what?
Being here, I realized that,
after ten years of marriage,
I love you more than ever.
Aw, I feel the same way.
Really?
You know it, baby.
BOTH: ♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ We can make it if we try ♪
- ♪ Just the two of us ♪
- ♪ Just the two of us ♪
(DEEP VOICE): ♪ You and I ♪
BOTH: ♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ We can make it if we try ♪
♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ You and I. ♪
- Wow!
- ♪♪
Gemma, I didn't know they had the
Electric Slide in Kalamazoo.
(SCOFFS) Are you kidding?
Add a banjo and some hay on the floor
and this is the "Boot Scootin' Boogie."
Yeah, but there's one big difference.
Yours is about the boots,
ours is about the booty!
- Hey!
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh, okay. Okay, y'all.
- (MUSIC STOPS)
Party's over. Leave your gifts
at the door and get out.
Uh, Calvin, it's only 8:30.
I know, Dave, but it's my wedding night,
and Tina gets sleepy around 10:00.
TINA: Oh, no.
- I'm up till 10:30 tonight.
- Ooh.